From Nursing to The Still Waters: Introducing New Team Member Melissa Knight

In this episode of The Still Waters Podcast, Teri welcomes Melissa Knight, a nurse and mentor who helps students complete their programs, especially in nursing cybersecurity and data analytics. Melissa discusses her background, her path to coaching, and earning an ICF credential. The conversation covers the differences between coaching, mentoring, and counseling, recognizing when to seek help, and breaking the stigma around mental health, with Melissa sharing her postpartum depression experience. They also discuss "church hurt" and trauma, particularly how churches can lack empathy toward women, illustrated by a single mother's story. 

00:00 Meet Melissa Knight

00:36 From Southeast to Florida

02:28 Nursing Career Journey

03:19 What Is Nursing Cybersecurity

04:16 Why Coaching with The Still Waters

06:54 Coaching Vs Counseling

08:14 Coaching Focus Areas

09:17 Church Hurt and Healing

12:46 A Painful Church Example

15:39 Trauma on The Pew

17:45 Easing Coaching Fears

17:59 Breaking Shame Barriers

18:36 When to Seek Support

20:14 Faith and Mental Health

21:22 Postpartum Help Story

22:48 Church Hurt and Misjudgment

23:56 Life Outside Work

25:54 Simple Living and Planning

27:41 Hagar and Healing Hope

30:08 Contact and Closing

Contact The Still Waters Team 

www.stillwaterslife.com

Email us at:

• Julie@stillwaterslife.com
• Rufus@stillwaterslife.com
• Teri@stillwaterslife.com
• Abrielle@stillwaterslife.com

Let us help you find healing and wellness at The Still Waters.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Welcome back to the Stillwaters podcast. Today is April 2nd, and I am excited today to have a guest with us. We have a new team member at the Stillwaters. Her name is Melissa Knight, and she has joined us for on the podcast today. So thank you for being here, Melissa.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Thank you for having me. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yeah, we're I'm really glad that you could could join us and just want to take a little bit of time to introduce you to our audience. So can you just give us a little brief introduction about who you are?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Sure. So I was born um in the Southeast. We'll just put it that way. Uh it's one of those weird stories where I was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, but my family lived in Georgia at the time. And so I never lived in Tennessee, but I was born there and uh still like visiting there. Uh I'm raised as a preacher's kid. And so all the connotations that go with that, um, we lived in Indiana, Ohio. And then from the third grade on, uh, I was raised in Kentucky. So I kind of count Kentucky as home. Um went from third grade to through all the way through college in Kentucky. Uh, got a bachelor's in nursing right out of high school. I knew from an early age I wanted to be a nurse, and it's definitely a decision I'm I'm very glad that I made. Um, the last little bit of college, I met and married my now husband. He actually uh is from Alabama, and so once we married, I moved down to be with him. And we lived in Alabama for 15 years. We were blessed with two kids uh while we were there in Alabama. We have a son, 13, and a daughter who is nine. And about four years ago, we had the opportunity to move to Florida, and so we are close to the beach, we'll put it that way, which pretty much all points in Florida are close to the beach. Um we're we're not on the beach, thankfully, when it's hurricane season, we're thankful for that. But uh, so for the last four years, we've been down here in Florida. Um, and so we love it. We we think it's great. Um, my husband and I both work for the same university. We both work from home. We serve in the same roles, but we support different colleges within the university. So uh my role um is called program mentor. So it's like a coach, uh, if you will. I take students from the time they enroll until they graduate. I am their guide. And um, so I work in the field of nursing cybersecurity. Done a little bit of everything in nursing. Um, I did ICU OR was my real passion. I loved operating room. It was so much fun and um got into teaching nursing pretty, pretty early. I I did go back and get a, I was blessed to get a master's in nursing. And so I went back and did a lot of teaching, a lot of clinical work. And that's what led me into the university that I'm now with. I've been there for eight years and I love it. If they'll let me, I'll definitely retire there. Uh, it is it is definitely home for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

So what is nursing cybersecurity? I've never heard of that. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

So it's it's basically data analytics. Um, as AI has come on more, I guess you'd say here in the last five to ten years. Um, the way that nurses and medical professionals as a whole manage data, how we let that guide our best practices, um, how we manage patient information, that sort of thing, it all flows into that. So it's a morphing field, it's never the same thing twice. That's what's so cool about it from month to month, it may look different. Um, so I help those students that are seeking those degrees. So it's really fun. It's it's really very rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah, it sounds fascinating, actually. It is. I've just never heard those two words together nursing, cybersecurity. So well, you have a very uh wide background, so that's that's great. Um, so what drew you to coming into coaching? It sounds like you're doing that um in a diff a little bit different realm at the university level. Right. What drew you into the type of coaching that you'll be doing with the Stillwaters?

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Well, I I think from an early age, um, I've always been intrigued by kind of, I guess, sociology at the heart of it. Um, I was an only child growing up. And so, yes, there were kids around and I had friends growing up, but from a very early age, I remember sitting and just listening to adults talk. You know, that's just what I did. Uh, and I can remember being intrigued by well, why would they have thought that? And why did they do that? And what motivated them? I can remember having these thoughts early, early in life. And even elementary, middle school age, I was kind of dear Abby to my friends, I guess you'd say. They would always come to me, Melissa, I've got a problem. You know, I can remember getting phone calls, you know, in the in the evening, you know, Melissa, can we talk this out? You know, help me figure out what I should do. And I really just liked listening and, you know, maybe, maybe supporting in my own way as much as you can as a kid, right? Um, but I I do think that at the heart of it, how I found the still waters specifically, or how it maybe found me, is that um my family goes back pretty far with uh Julie's family and with your family too, Terry, even though it's a little a little looser there. Um, but uh Julie's father actually was the minister where my grandparents went to church. So we we've kind of had some, you know, some connection there to her family in the past. And but honestly, I guess the the main answer is I think part of being a believer and a disciple is at the heart of it, just kind of finding where you can help and jumping in. And for me right now, this is the season of life that I'm in. I had the opportunity at my now work to get a an ICF credential to become a certified coach. And it was a pretty laborious process. I didn't really realize what I was getting into. It took several months, lots of hours. And I completed that a couple months ago. I'm I'm happy to say. But uh, I think for me, it's just really trying to build on a heart of service.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

That's wonderful. That's exactly what we need at the Stillwaters. Thank you. People that are willing to listen and um, you know, and have some empathy for clients because there's a lot of people out there that are hurting and they just need someone to talk to about it. And I know Julie and I have talked about this before that um the term counselor is used very um haphazardly, I guess is the best way to say it. Um and so a lot of people feel like or will refer to themselves as counselors, but you know, there's a difference between a counselor and a coach and a mentor. And I think a lot of times people refer to themselves as a counselor who really what they're doing is mentoring. Um, but when you have the credentials like you have, um, and all of us at the still orders have, it's it changes, you know, the terminology means a little bit more. And um sometimes having a person who is outside of your circle who um does have some training is helpful to help move you along if you're if you're struggling in some area. So and um there's certain certainly seems to be a lot of individuals out there that are needing those types of services. So you've already talked about um you know your your background and everything that you've been doing, but as far as your expertise, let's go into that as far as the coaching role is concerned with the Stillwaters. So if someone is wanting to come to you, what are your areas of expertise when it comes to coaching?

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Sure. So I I think it's I mean, there's there's really no session that I would shy away from. I want to kind of lead with that, you know, whether it's a teen or it's a married couple or it's a you know a single adult. Um, I feel like I could support any any age. Um I do think though, given my nursing background, I think you know, the the wellness aspect is a huge component. Anyone that's suffering from depression, anxiety, if they've had those medically diagnosed, obviously that's not something I'm going to diagnose from from this, you know, avenue. But, you know, if you're struggling with those things, that's definitely something that my nursing background, along with the coaching certification, could definitely help. Um, I also think personally, having been a preacher's kid and then also a preacher's wife for 20 years, I didn't mention that in the intro. Um, you know, church is a religion, church, however, you know, you colloquially want to refer to it. Um, you know, it's it's been a constant in my life and it's been a wonderful thing in my life. It's been something that's definitely grounded me. But I also recognize that for a lot of folks, there can be a lot of hurt associated with the guilt, shame, fear that sometimes we feel as humans when we come before not God, but our fellow man, our fellow humans, right? When we when we are um aware of where we stand. And so that that is something that I would like to focus on if there's someone out there that feels like they need to talk through either maybe trauma or abuse. Um maybe abuse is a strong word there, but I think we all know what we mean when we say that word. Um, some sort of church hurt. That's the best way I know how to describe it. So that's definitely something that I can support folks through very empathetically.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

So from your perspective, do you feel like there's a lot of that going on?

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Um, every church that I've ever been a part of, uh, there have been rough estimate, 90% of people that are fantastic and love the Lord and want what's best. And then it seems like there's a one or two, right, that are um just set about on things that are against what the church should be about. And um, I've seen it in real time. I'm sure you have too, Terry. I've been very diligent to not be one of those people, right? Like that's that's my number one priority. Um, but unfortunately, I've seen it just ravage too many hearts, too many families. And inevitably, too many congregations have been ravaged by folks that are just determined to have their own way and not be focused on the Lord. And even as a woman, I think that sometimes, regardless of what tradition we find ourselves in from a church perspective, you know, women a lot of times already come in and is at a disadvantage because for most traditions, we're not up front. We're not the ones leading the worship service. And so we're already viewed as, unfortunately, by some, as subservient. And that can create a dynamic that the Lord just does not intend. Um, I'm not encouraging the women for women to get out of their place. That's not my my point. Um, but I I do think that women's voice voices need to be heard, especially when they've experienced trauma that can be healed from and moved on from.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yes. Oh, I I so appreciate you saying that because I've seen it, heard it, watched it, witnessed it myself, you know, and um boy, yeah. It like you said, there's just there's always one, or at least, you know, and and just it's all it only takes one to cause absolutely huge, huge trouble in a congregation.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Yeah, I'll if it's okay, I'll share a real quick uh example, obviously, no names. Right. Um, we had um a single mother with two children visit um where my husband uh was ministering, and we worked with her. The church did the best they could for a small group to support her financially. She she did come in, she was, she did, uh, she and her children were baptized and obviously counted as believers among the church there. And she had a lot of issues, Terry. I mean, a lot of issues, and none that are uncommon, right? Like very common for single mothers to find themselves in these situations. Um I'll leave out some of the maybe lesser important details, but where it devolved to over six to eight months was she and her girls walked in the back of the church, and one of the members happened to be a male member, said out loud where others could hear, Oh, I wish they hadn't come back.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

And the mom, the single mom, didn't hear it, but her girls did. And they were very upset, as you can imagine. Sure. And it just, oh, it was a terrible situation. They went and told their mom what they heard, and then when the man was confronted with the girls heard you say this, he denied it. Oh boy. What he didn't know was that another male member had heard him say it. And so now we're starting to establish witnesses. So the moral of the story is that I because she was a woman without a quote unquote husband or man to represent her, it was not handled in the best way. As a matter of fact, it was handled terribly. Um, so I again we we tried to get this individual to Julie. She had had so much trauma in her life that she could not even face one session of counseling. And I I hated that for her. I, you know, prayed over that and just was really hopeful that that would have led to a connection there and someone to help her through that. Um, but just that I just give that little snippet as what I've personally seen and what I know can and should work differently for women to get the support they need, not just from other women, but congregationally, right? Where where folks can step in and say, as a united front, you know, we're going to support in the right way. So there's that.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Wow. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Um I I know I've had discussions with people, um, different congregations, not just my own, that we're we're kind of hurting our own. You know, we don't recognize, and I and I don't care if it's somebody who's a new convert that has just come out of the world, or if it's a person who's been raised in it from the time they were in diapers, there's so much that happens in people's lives that they don't share and they don't talk about. And then when we come to the house of worship, I'll just call it that, to come to the church building, um you know, that trauma that those individuals have experienced comes with them. And if they can't rely on their their brothers and sisters in Christ to have some empathy for them and understanding, whoa, like where are they going to get it? And so exactly it's exactly it's horrible. I mean, absolutely horrible. And when you look at, you know, the stats out there, if you take any stock in statistics, there's all sorts of trauma sitting on the pews.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Oh, a thousand percent. Yeah. I mean, sin produces trauma. Right. Right. But we don't need more trauma when we're aware of our sin. Exactly. We need a place to offload that. And it's not with the church, it's with the Lord. Right. Um, now the church can help and support with that and should, but uh guilt, fear, shame should never be the takeaway on the Lord's Day. I'm a firm believer in that, unless there needs to be repented of sin. Right. Um but that that so often is not the case. You know, it's it's church should feel uplifting, encouraging. That's the really the whole point in it, is knowing that we're saved by grace and the Lord is there. And um, we're just all we're just all sinners trying to do the best we can with it.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Right. Yeah, exactly. Whoa, okay. So um so if there's someone out there who's never come to counseling or or coaching before, what would you say to help them use their fear of doing that? Because there seems to be a lot, I I have encountered a lots of people are afraid to go in that direction. Um, so what would you say to people to try to help them realize that this is just another way to that wellness component that you talked about? You know, if you fall down and break your arm, you don't hesitate to go to the doctor to get a cast on your arm. But if you're struggling mentally, emotionally, there's just so much shame involved with um coming to get some coaching or counseling. So, what would you say to somebody who's really hesitant?

SPEAKER_00 18:57

I I think a good marker of do you need to get support in a counseling or coaching atmosphere is is this situation impacting your daily life? That's kind of a marker for me. It's been a marker for me getting counseling. I want to be very honest. I'm not a coach asking others to come get coaching, and I've never been coached or counseled. I'm a firm believer in talking it out with a trusted someone else. But if it's if it's thoughts or feelings that pop up every now and then and you can, you know, from an emotionally intelligent perspective, handle that, great. Keep doing that, good for you. That's wonderful. But if these thoughts, feelings, traumas keep coming up every day and it's infecting you professionally, personally, and from a familial standpoint, then it's time to break that cycle and find some peace. And you know, just that third-party observant person that's going to be curious about you and want to know the aspects that you're willing to share and and meet you where you are. And quite frankly, just kind of, I don't want to say hold your hand, but in a way, hold your hand and help you work through that. Then if it's affecting you every day on multiple levels or even one level, then it it's time, it's time to throw something new at it. And counseling or coaching is definitely that avenue that I think folks should consider.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

Oh, yes, I completely agree. Um, I I think that um I know I've experienced people, especially brothers and sisters in in Christ, that have been um uh hesitant, I think is a good word, or really outright uh opposed to it because they don't understand what it is. Um, in fact, they think that it's actually bringing a worldly perspective into the dynamics of the relationship that you're having with your brothers and sisters. And it's like, no, that's not that's not it at all. Um and like you said, if it gets to the point where it's affecting your daily life, then just like that broken arm is affecting your daily life, you need to get some help. And I wish that people would not be so fearful of it and be uh connect so much shame to it because as if it's a weakness. I think that's what I've seen with a lot of people. They feel like, okay, this is a weakness, and I've got I I can't do that because that that would mean I'm weak.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Um yeah, I've heard I've heard similar with, you know, um when I struggled greatly after my second trial with postpartum depression. Um I was in the word, I was praying, I was doing all the things, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

And thankfully, my best friend who's a nurse, and my husband, they both looked at me and said, We've got to get you some help. You know, this is this is not working, what you're doing. And it wasn't a lack of faith. Right. Um, but God also gives us science, He gives us other believers, He gives us. So many wonderful avenues to refocus on him. And in that moment, I'm thankful for them both because I I don't know what would have happened had I not had someone get help for me, help me get help. And so we've all been there. There's no shame in it. Um, just do the next right thing would be my advice, right? Yeah. Do the next right thing. And if that's talking it out with someone and getting that in-time support, then that's not a lack of faith. That's stepping out in faith and realizing what God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are working together to produce for you. And it's only good. It's not bad, it's only good. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

I'm so glad to hear you say that because um I know when I was having some struggles, I had that same, that same thing told to me that you know, it's you don't have enough faith. You're not studying enough. Um, I was working at the same time, and they were like, Well, you're not studying enough because you're working. And I'm like, What? Wow. When when I was at a point where I was probably studying more than I ever had in my entire life. Same, same.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

You know, and it was just while I was sobbing uncontrollably because I was chemically imbalanced. Yeah, no, I totally totally get it.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, I totally get it. So I've so I feel so much for people who um who don't who are who have walked through that. And um, and I feel really bad for the people who don't get it and that they make those kind of comments because uh that just contributes to that church hurt that you were talking about earlier.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, well, I'm so glad that you have joined the Stillwaters. Um, exciting to have you on the team. So so tell me before we before we finish up here, let's just let's stop talking about coaching. Let's talk about uh just you personally. And what are some things that you enjoy doing when you're not working? Because that's one thing you're gonna hear from Julie is you gotta cut it off, right? You've got to say you're done. And I am I am terrible. I am much better than I used to be, but I am I have had a tendency to be a workaholic type personality. So what do you do when you when you're done working?

SPEAKER_00 24:47

So um I love to I'm in my sourdough era. Oh wow, I love doing sourdough. Uh I love to can my own food. I could have probably made it on the Oregon Trail.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

I love, you know, canon beets and canon green beans and I love to cook. Um, I cook for my family, thankfully. Probably six nights out of seven, we might eat out once a week. It was, you know, big, big spenders here. Um, but I love to cook. Um, I love to travel. That's been our thing here recently. When we're on one trip, I'm looking ahead at where we're gonna go next. Um I we our kids are big enough now that you know it's not diapers in in just another city, right? Like they're big enough and they're independent. And so I love to travel. I just think it's so cool to see other cultures and meet other people. And you know, we we're trying to get our passports stamped, you know, we we're several pages in. Yeah. Um, but yeah, we we love to travel and we have two cats. They're they're a big deal in our house. And so I'm a cat person, you can judge me. Um I know a lot of a lot of folks when I say they're like, I like dogs, and I'm like, I like dogs too. I'm just in my cat here. Um, but yeah, I love I I'm intentional about getting my steps in every day. So good at night or in the morning, depending on what the weather is doing. I get my steps in. And so yeah, that's that's pretty much me. I live a really simple life. For I would I would say most people would look at my life and be like, man, she's really dull. And I would be like, Thank you. You know, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I really appreciate that. I think there are a lot of people in the world that could benefit from having a little bit more simple lives.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

We don't, we are very intentional about not glorifying busy for the sake of busy.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Oh, that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

So I think I need to sign up for a session with you, and you teach me how to love cooking. Oh, so my kids are all grown and gone. Right. So uh, and my husband travels a lot. So I've kind of really gotten out of the cooking thing and it's bad.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Understood. No, understood. It was when it's a party of one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

It's a party of one, I just, you know, whatever's in the fridge, that's what I'm eating. But right um I I kind of gotten spoiled because during COVID, um, my husband, of course, came home and was working at home, but I was not. So at that time, I wasn't working for the stalwarters at that time, but I actually worked at a place where we got to go back to the office because there were just a few of us. And so here I was the one leaving every day, and he was at home. So he started cooking, and that has kind of stuck with him. So now he cooks for me some, which I really don't break that cycle.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

That's great.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah. So anyway, I started some of the cooking, but it's not something I say that I love.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

I think having that intentional time for it and planning it. I'm a big planner.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

Um, that for me, that is a pivotal point. It may not be for you, but um having like knowing what we're doing that week, it takes a lot of stress off of it.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Um, could I share one thing before we close out? Sure. Okay. So um I was thinking about like who in the Bible stands out as having been a victim of abuse. And my kids and I and my husband at night were chronologically reading through the Bible, which if you've never done it, it's a it's a hoot. Because you start in Genesis, you go to Job, you go back to Genesis. It's kind of, you know, it's all over the place. And the other night we had gotten to Genesis 16, which is the story of Hagar. And I was, of course, thinking about this podcast. And of course, I've had all these, you know, thoughts in my mind. And she stands out to me as being victimized. I mean, pure and simple. She had two people that did her wrong. It was Abraham and Sarah. And remember, these are people that are mentioned in Hebrews 11. These are good, God-fearing people, but they did Hagar dirty at one point in their lives, right? Like they mishandled her. And so, for those that may not know the story, God promises Abraham a lineage through his name. It was intended to be through he and his wife. Sarah takes um Hagar into her own hands and basically forces her will on Hagar. Abraham and Hagar um commit fornication, adultery, however you want to look at it. And they have Ishmael. And before Ishmael is born, Hagar is literally dismissed from Sarah's presence. She's been victimized, abused, everything against her will, and she's at a well, and she's at rock bottom. And the angel comes to her and has a plan for her. And she is the first person in the Bible to give God a name. And that just sticks with me so much because I think about how even in our uh grief and our trauma, we can still be uh faithful and still be seen by God and see God.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

And so I encourage anybody that's listening, go back and read Genesis 16 and just view Hagar as if she can do it and be mindful of God, so can you.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Yeah, that's beautiful. Yes, that's exactly right. So that was wonderful. I'm I'm that's a perfect way to end this podcast. And um, if anybody is interested in reaching out to you, why don't you tell us what your email address is? Sure.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

It's Melissa M E L I S S A at stillwaterslife.com.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

And are you do you primarily do evening sessions since you're working during the day?

SPEAKER_00 30:49

It's a it's a little split. Uh I'm doing Sunday, Wednesday evenings and then Monday, Friday mornings. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

So I mean, it's, you know, just just take a peek at my calendar. And if something doesn't work out and and somebody needs something around, we can we can find a time.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yeah, that sounds great.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

All right. Well, thank you all for tuning in today. And until next time, may you find healing and wellness at the still waters.