The Battlefield of Technology: Parenting Lessons on Pornography and Integrity

On this episode of The Still Waters Podcast, Teri recaps a weekend at a Cincinnati homeschool conference where she ran a vendor booth for the AIM (Acknowledging Integrity Matters) sexual risk avoidance curriculum and launched a new level for ages 10–12. Teri also delivered a parent talk on pornography, reflecting on common beliefs she heard from parents. The episode explains how accidental exposure can happen through typos, algorithms, or friends, why kids often don’t disclose due to secrecy and embarrassment, and how pornography can shape beliefs about relationships and normality. Teri emphasizes preparation through ongoing conversations over protection alone, and invites listeners to reach out with questions about AIM and sexual risk prevention.

00:00 Weekend Conference Recap
01:09 Booth Conversations Begin
01:49 Common Parent Assumptions
02:17 Why Filters Aren't Enough
03:30 The Battlefield Has Changed
04:59 How Exposure Really Happens
06:08 Secrecy and Silent Struggles
07:02 Pornography Shapes Beliefs
07:34 Innocence Through Preparation
08:27 Building Kids From Within
09:55 Hope Like a GPS
11:28 Never Too Late to Talk
12:12 Closing and Reach Out

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• Rufus@stillwaterslife.com
• Teri@stillwaterslife.com
• Abrielle@stillwaterslife.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hey, welcome back to the Stillwaters Podcast. Today is April 16th, 2026, and I just wanted to get on here and let you know how my weekend went. I hope you had a good weekend. But I spent my weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio, at a homeschool conference where I had a vendor booth, and I was attempting to introduce homeschooling families to the curriculum that I have written that is called AIM. It stands for Acknowledging Integrity Matters, and it's a sexual risk avoidance program. And at this conference, I launched a new level of the program that is for younger children that are ages 10 to 12, maybe even a 13-year-old, could do it depending on the maturity level of the child. But um anyway, it was a great weekend. I also got to speak while I was there and got to do a talk about pornography for parents. So anyway, I just thought I would jump on here and let you know a little bit about some of the conversations that I had while I was there. Okay, so you know what's interesting about conferences is that people will come up to your booth like they're just browsing, and then within a minute or two, then they're starting to talk to you about some things that are, you know, going on in their life, some things that are that are real, that are not just surface level, especially when you come up to look at the curriculum that I'm trying to promote. It's always interesting to watch parents and their response when I tell them that aim is about healthy decision making. It's about teaching children how to make healthy choices as far as sexual integrity is concerned. I had uh parents that, you know, they they don't think that their child has seen any pornography in their life yet, but they're not really sure, and they'll say, I don't think they've seen it, but uh, but I'm not 100% positive. So you could hear that um in their voice, they want it to be true that their child hasn't seen it. Um then that then you'll have parents that'll say, Oh, we've got filters on everything, so everything should be fine, okay? They've got filters on their devices, and I talked about that in my talk as well, and that it's you gotta be you gotta have more than just filters. You can't filters are not just a quick fix to the pornography problem. And then I had some some parents that they're like, well, my I got a good kid, my kid wouldn't do this. Um, so it's not really a thing that I think I need to worry about. And so when I hear that, I think these are really good parents that are engaged, they're parents who care about their families. So I just kept thinking, these are good parents that are proactive, that they're homeschooling their kids, they're trying to protect them from the world, they're trying to monitor uh their environment and they care deeply for them. But I felt like I was watching someone send their child into a storm, like a really bad thunderstorm, and all they have on is a little like ring jacket. They don't have an umbrella, they don't have, you know, their ring glasses. Um because, you know, they're not they're not they're not really aware of just how bad the storm is going to be and how it can change their life. So I don't say that to, you know, trying to strike fear in the heart of parents. I just want people to realize that the environment that our kids are growing up in now, it's not the same as we grew up in. In my talk, I said the battlefield has changed, and that's the technology has changed the battlefield. So let's talk a little bit about the talk. In the talk, I shared something that I think parents, every parent, grandparent, every adult that's working with children needs to know. And it's not that we're up just against the issue of pornography, but the illusions that surround the issue of pornography. The things that feel true, but that aren't quite. There's a verse in Proverbs, Proverbs 14, 12, that says, this is a way, or there is a way that seems right, but in the end it leads somewhere else. And again, that's not meant to scare us, but it's meant to help us have some clarity, help us to see clearly what we're up against as parents. Because we're we're building our parenting approach as we're raising children, but as I said, technology has changed our battlefield, and if we're still trying to fight the battle the way that we fought the battle years ago, then we're not necessarily gonna be able to win that battle because our our weapons are outdated, basically. So one of those ideas that parents said to me is that, well, my child hasn't been exposed to that, and I get that. I I hope that's true. But exposure to pornography today doesn't usually look like a kid going out searching for something, okay? They can just be um on their digital device and then just type something or spell something wrong, and the pornography can pop up onto their device. Pornography is algorithm-driven. And so once that algorithm is, you know, starting to get in place, it's like a system that studies you, right? It studies what you're looking at, and so if something pops onto your device and or your child's device and they're looking at it, and then they're curious because they're human, just like all of us, right? And so then they continue looking at things, or maybe they look at things more in the future, then the algorithm drives what is shown on their device. Um, your child can be exposed by a friend that shows something on their device. That's a subtle way that a child can be exposed to pornography, and you know, once again, your child wasn't looking for it, it found them. And then a lot of times parents will think, well, if I if something was wrong with my child, um, I would know. I I I wish that was always true. Because what I've seen over and over in my practice with life coaching kids, they don't always come running to tell us when they've been exposed to things. It'd be great if they did, but because pornography is built on secrecy, they don't always come to us. It's not because they don't love us, but because they can't they're embarrassed or they're confused or they're afraid that they're gonna get in trouble because they saw something on their device. And so they kind of just like hold it in and they quietly deal with it on their own or try to deal with it on their own. And that can be really, really heavy for a kid. And so I think some of our kids are just carrying things we don't even realize. So then there's this idea that a parent might have that says, okay, my kids saw pornography, but it's not going to really affect them. But the truth is that's not the case. It shapes things, it shapes how they think about relationships, how they think about themselves. Um, it shapes how they think about what's normal. And if we're not guiding that, then something else is going to guide that. Or someone else is going to guide that. And then there's one other thing that I have heard from people, and they'll say, Well, I just want to keep my child innocent. And I just pause for a second because I get that. I mean, every parent feels that. But I don't think innocence is protected by silence or ignorance. I think it's protected by pre preparation. If your child's gonna cross a busy street, you don't protect them by pretending that the cars don't exist. You prepare them, you teach them what to look for, you help them understand what's safe and what's not safe, and when to go across the road and when not to go across the road. And once again, you don't do that to scare them, but to equip them or empower them so that they can cross that street safely. And so I think that's the shift we're being invited into as parents. So if I had to sum up everything that I walked away with from this weekend, it would be that we can't really rely on protection alone anymore. It matters, but it's not enough because there will be moments that, you know, you as the parent are not going to be with the child. You're certainly not going to be with them when they're an adult. And that you're not going to be with them all the time when they're a teen. And even when they're not a teen, there's going to be times when you're not with your child. And we just can't control every single moment of our child's life. And in those moments, what matters most is what have we built into our kids? What have we instilled into them? What do they understand about pornography? What do they believe when it comes to this? And what kind of what kind of choice are they going to make if they see it? I think about Deuteronomy 6, where it talks about teaching our kids along the way and every every day of life, right? Not just one big talk about it, but small conversations that happen multiple times over time. And that is what builds courage in our students. That's and that's what builds something that will last in our students so that when they are faced with technology that's not healthy for them, and they will do the right thing with it. So this is where I want to end today. Because after all, I don't want people to feel discouraged. Um I don't feel discouraged. I feel really hopeful, and here's why. Because this isn't about getting everything just perfect, it's about staying connected with our kids. Okay. Let me give you a picture. And I use this in my talk towards the end of my talk of when I was talking about pornography. I like to think of hope as like a GPS. So when you're driving and and you have your GPS on and you miss a turn, you're not supposed to panic, right? Your GPS, it doesn't panic, it doesn't shame you. It didn't say, well, that's it. You've completely messed up your trip. Might as well go home, right? It doesn't say that. It just calmly starts to recalculate, recalculating, and then it shows you the new way forward. And that's that's what hope looks like when it comes to parenting. We're not gonna do it all right, we're not gonna be perfect in our parenting. And so it's not all the right words at all the right time. It's staying engaged with our kids and being willing to recalculate like that GPS. We get we get a fresh start every single day, right? You get another chance to have another conversation, to ask another question, and to lean into more serious topics with your child. So if you're listening and you're thinking, well, I should have started this a lot sooner and I'm not sure what to say, I feel a little behind because my kids aren't even little anymore, they're teenagers. I want you to just take a breath and realize that it's never too late to have a conversation with your child about pornography or anything that's related to sexual risk avoidance education. All you have to do is start simple, ask the right questions, listen to the answers, and then respond in the proper way. Developing that relationship with your child, that connection that you have with your child, it's always going to take you far in this scenario. Thanks for being here today. And if anyone has any questions about aim or more questions about pornography and how to prevent their child from being exposed to it, please reach out to me and I would be happy to discuss that with you. Until next time, may you find healing and wellness at the Stillwaters.