Critical Junctures - Navigating the loss of a child

Richy's Journey: diagnosed with an incurable cancer, living life, making peace, letting go

• Rick Williams • Season 1 • Episode 4

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The moment a doctor diagnoses your child with an incurable cancer marks a dividing line in life—everything that came before, and everything that follows. For our family, learning about Richy's alveolar soft part sarcoma transformed our world completely. But what emerged from that devastating news was a remarkable nine-year journey that taught us profound lessons about living in the face of death.

This raw, emotional episode chronicles Richy's story—from his ambitious plans for studying in China and building a future, to the painful reality of clinical trials, increasing limitations, and eventually hospice care. Yet through it all runs a powerful thread of determination. When faced with his diagnosis, Richy embodied the line from Shawshank Redemption: "You either get busy living or get busy dying." He chose living, continuing to travel to national parks, Disney World, and numerous adventures with his beloved dog Lexi by his side.

What makes this story extraordinary isn't just Richy's courage in facing terminal illness, but the peace and purpose he maintained throughout. Despite excruciating pain from treatments and the cancer itself, "you never heard him complain." Even as his body failed him, his spirit remained strong—culminating in his decision to be baptized during the pandemic, surrounded by family and friends in a deeply moving ceremony.

The true heart of this podcast, however, lies beyond Richy's passing in June 2020. How does a family continue after such profound loss? How do we keep someone's memory alive for future generations? Nearly five years later, we're sharing our ongoing journey of grief, healing, and finding unexpected joy in remembering. Because while losing a child creates an irreplaceable void, we've discovered that hope persists—and that honoring a loved one's memory can become a powerful foundation for moving forward.

If you're walking through grief or supporting someone who is, this series offers not just our story, but practical insights on navigating life after devastating loss. Because even in our darkest moments, there remains the possibility of light breaking through.

Rick Williams:

To day like to tell you a little bit about Richy's story, and we're going to start a little bit of lead up to where we found out about his cancer. So he had a lot of plans. He had finished his third trip to China. He was considering doing a year at Wuhan University yes, the same Wuhan that the world now knows about. That's a city of 10 million along the Yangtze River. He had been taking Mandarin and learning not only how to speak it but to read and write it and was looking forward to learning where he could. He was looking forward to learning how to translate things like idiomatic expressions where we say something that has a literal meaning but is not the meaning we use it for. And he was really learning how to navigate language, culture, customs. He was really learning how to navigate language, culture, customs, and that was kind of the plan where he was at. He had a plan for buying a home, a plan for family, just a long-term plan in his life, and what he had found was he was having trouble in his shoulder. He'd been lifting weights, he worked out on a regular basis, it was what appeared to be very good health, but he kept having this pain in his shoulder and he'd been to the doctor several times and they just seemed to think you know, maybe it's a muscle tear. I couldn't really find anything that was wrong with it. Finally, they did an MRI. This is about a year after his initial complaint from it and the doctor said this doesn't look right, something is off. It looks more like a sarcoma. And, lo and behold, through a series of events they did this MRI.

Rick Williams:

Where we live, in Carmel, indiana, there is the Indiana University Medical Center and the school the doctoral schools that are part of Indiana Medicine and they had on staff at the Simon Cancer Center an orthopedic oncologist, and so what was set up was to go and have a biopsy. And when we got there and met with the doctor his initial discussion with us he said don't be surprised if it's just some kind of scar tissue or tear from the weightlifting things that you've done. It would be pretty rare if it's a cancer, but the only way for us at this point to know is to do a biopsy. So he did the biopsy and we went back for the consultation and that's kind of when life really changed for Richy and for us. We got the assessment that this was not only was it cancer, it was a very rare form of cancer called our velar soft part sarcoma, and the doctor had already taken the initiative to contact the National Institute of Health. They had several clinical trials going on and see if Richy was a candidate to participate in that. So you can imagine hearing that Richie and I were together.

Rick Williams:

We went out, sat in the car. Both of us just sat and kind of sobbed, like it just was completely different expectation than both of us had had for his life, and it was kind of an overwhelming sense of dismay, sadness, how could something like this happen? But as we sat there and started talking about it there was a choice to be made and there's a line from the Shawshank Redemption where it says you either get busy living or you get busy dying. It says you either get busy living or you get busy dying, and so at that point we talked through what would this look like if you do the clinical trial? Let's learn a lot more about it. This is the first time we've ever had a cancer diagnosis that we were aware of in our family and it was just very challenging. So kind of Richy's story. That's the background to where we're going to start his story and how he dealt with this cancer over the next nine years. So the thing we found this is an end-of-life cancer. There is no cure for it, there's no chemo that affects it, no radiation. It was a slow-growth cancer that affects your lungs and your brain, and so at least we had an idea and knew what we were up against. So at least we had an idea and knew what we were up against.

Rick Williams:

So, as we started through all those transitions and treatments, we set up our initial meeting at the National Institute of Health and Richy, along with his two brothers, her younger brothers, we drove to Bethesda, Maryland, and ended up making a week of it. We had the consultations with doctors. We found out a little more about our velar soft part sarcoma, how we deal with it, what potential treatments, what are the options for these clinical trials. But we also, because we were in DC, we decided to do another visit there. We had gone a few years prior with all the kids. We took the motor home on a multi-week journey and one of the stops that we stayed was in the DC area for three days. But some of the kids were younger and we decided let's go visit some of the monuments. Let's uh, let's enjoy some of this time uh that we have, which was just fantastic with, with all three of the boys. Then we we came home and we had a plan.

Rick Williams:

He was going to start an initial treatment at the National Institute of Health which meant that every two weeks he would fly to Bethesda, maryland, he would have certain kind of injections. He had to weigh himself daily, he had to take blood pressure, take a journal Again. This is a kind of a complete change of life. There's pain medications that he's starting on different other kinds of medications and one of the things you quickly find with these clinical trials they're fantastic to get to results but there's a lot of pain along the way. You're, in essence, a human guinea pig. And he tried the first clinical trial for upwards of may have been a year and a half to two years and there was virtually no change in the cancer and it was still growing at a very slow pace. Most of his cancer growth was in his lungs, so we were fortunate that it hadn't spread to his brain, but they were nodules on his lungs. So that clinical trial didn't work and it was somewhat discouraging. But he was still in decent health and Richy again continued to live.

Rick Williams:

He did make some drastic changes in his life, made decisions of not going to marry, not going to bring children into the world, children into the world Things that are just heartbreaking as a parent, but decisions that he made, knowing well you know in your head of I'm probably not going to be here, even though you know in your heart all I want to do is survive and live and try anything to do that. Survive and live and try anything to do that. So during this time he had moved into a new apartment and he, within a week's time of moving into that apartment, his home was broken into and we believe it was broken into because he had drugs in the apartment that were prescription drugs like oxycodone, other things for pain, and so he. So at that point he decided that he really needed a dog for security and we're going to talk a little bit about the dog in a separate episode because Lexi, this big great Pyrenees mix, became his love of his life. Basically she was with him all the time from then on and stayed with us for four plus years after he passed and was just again the pride and joy of his life. But we'll save Lexi for a little bit later.

Rick Williams:

And so one of the things that happened when he got Lexi is the apartment that he had took dogs. But then what we found out subsequently was that there was a weight limit on those dogs and she was much larger than the weight limit. Well, at that point he had already bonded with her. This apartment complex didn't feel safe at it, so had discussions with the apartment complex. They let him out of the lease and he moved to an apartment complex that allowed bigger dogs. And as we share some of the things with Lexi, she is quite the character and has been quite the character. But again she became his driving love life for the rest of his time on earth. So he stayed in that apartment a few years before he purchased a home and his home that he purchased had to have a large yard for Lexi to stay in so she could run around in and talk a little bit about his home here down the road.

Rick Williams:

But he really tried to model his life around the how do I continue to do all these right things and live like I'm going to live? But I still understand I'm dealing with these issues. So after the first clinical trial I waited a six to eight months and an additional clinical trial came specifically for this cancer, came specifically for this cancer, and so Richy joined that clinical trial and after another two, almost three years there was no change in how it was affecting him. So neither one of the clinical trials really presented any option for him to get over this cancer. So you have to wait for clinical trials to actually even be open. So there wasn't another trial that was coming up on this particular cancer and during this time the cancer still continues to get worse. It's in a place in his shoulder that it continues to grow and becomes more painful During that time when you're on some of these painkiller drugs like oxycodone. He really became addicted to it and he realized that. So he took the steps to decide I do not want to be addicted to these drugs and started working methodically to distance himself from the addiction to an appropriate amount of painkillers to deal with the issues he had, but not to overdo it. So he also going back to both of the clinical trials.

Rick Williams:

Being a human guinea pig, it is massively painful on your body and does some incredibly destructive things to your physical being, even though you understand it's having to do that to try to counteract this horrible disease that's inside of you. So one of the things that really affected on both of these clinical trials was Richy's feet. Like it made it very difficult for him to walk and to stand, and over time you know that pain was almost as bad as the thoughts of what would happen if I wasn't in a clinical trial. And we met with his oncologist multiple times and they tried again different things here in Indianapolis at the Simon Cancer Center, different kind of treatments. Nothing really really worked for him, really really worked for him, and there was a period of time that it just the cancer wasn't growing, it was seemed to be stabilized and then it was really about pain management and he did well with that. He again continued to work, he bought a home, still tried to make as much planning in life as he could, but at the same time knowing that this still is affecting your body.

Rick Williams:

So during this entire period my wife's family is from California that's where she's from and her mother still lived there and we would make a yearly trip to California and Richy loved to go on those trips and so you'll see some of the pictures that we've shown here If you listen to this on voice podcast. This will be in our YouTube where you can see some of the pictures of our trips Love the trips to Yosemite, to San Francisco, to Los Angeles, to Sequoia National Park, to a number of these places that are just incredibly beautiful wonders of the world. So that was normal trips for him. Throughout this time he also went to Denver. He loved to travel. As I said earlier, he had really looked at wanting to study for a year in China. He had been all through China to Beijing, shenzhou, hong Kong, wuhan, a number of areas in China and I was very intrigued by it. He took a trip right after high school with one of his friends that he graduated with or was in his life group at church. Their family took Richie with them to Hawaii, which was again a magnificent trip for him. But he really loved to travel and so all through this time there were a number of trips that he took, even took one by himself to Florida. He went to Treasure Island and stayed there for a week just hanging out and discovering different things in the Florida area.

Rick Williams:

But as this continued to progress, we did realize that the cancer had come back and was starting to grow again, so we were having more trips that we took to Indiana University, the Indianapolis Simon Cancer Center, regular trips there, and eventually he started to have problems where his arm was starting to become unusable. He would have to keep it in a sling and get just more challenges with life as this cancer progressed. Now one of the things about Richie is, no matter what stage that he was at, you never heard him complain. You could tell from just physically how he looked or how he was trying to walk or interact that he was in pain, but you never heard him complain. He really made a conscious choice of I'm going to really comfort others more than worry about what this pain is. I know I have to deal with it and I'm just going to get it out. I'm not going to complain about it, I'm just going to deal with it the best I can.

Rick Williams:

But as the cancer progressed we knew we were getting to a point where it would be more challenging to travel. So one of the things him and I had talked about was we wanted to go to Yellowstone. We had a big trip planned with all the family. Everybody was flying to California to go visit Mary Lou's mom and Richy and I decided that I would drive our motor home out and meet him. He would fly to Denver so he didn't have to have any extra time with the travel and I'd drive to Denver, he'd fly there, I would pick him up, him and I would go through Yellowstone. Then, after we got done in Yellowstone, we would drive through Montana, idaho, nevada, into California and pick everyone else up at the airport in Sacramento. And Richy had to be back at a certain time because of additional treatments. There was regular scheduled treatment, so he was going to fly back from San Francisco. We were going to take him in the middle of our trip, take him and drop him off there. So him and I started on this trip and I'm going to share in a separate episode just our Yellowstone and that travel adventure because it was spectacular.

Rick Williams:

Now when you travel to Yellowstone the weather's very unpredictable. So this is in July, late June, early July. So when we traveled there it was late June. Many times we had traveled and spent 4th of July with my in-laws and her brother would come in. Mary Lou's brother would come in from Oregon. Her sister lives in Modesto and where they were at in Atwater we would all meet there and go watch fireworks and do it over the 4th of July. So early June Richie and I went through Yellowstone and then drove to pick up the rest of the family and, arriving in Sacramento, we picked them up at the airport, then drove from Sacramento a couple hours south to Atwater in the Central Valley. So the first night there or the second night we went to a local park and had a big cookout Just a really good time with all the family that was there that had come in for that normal gathering.

Rick Williams:

So the following day we were going to Sequoia National Park and we drove. A group of us went in the motorhome to Sequoia. As soon as we got there, Richy and Mary Lou's brother Phillip. Soon as we got there, Richy and Mary Lou's brother Philip and our nephew Stephen. They just went off exploring. Richy was so excited to see these massive living trees this was our first trip with him to Sequoia and um, just so excited to see them, so they were off. Just you could see the thrill in his eyes, the excitement, just to be around these magnificent living creatures, from Yosemite to Monterey Bay, going out whale watching, or going to Carmel, going through the different passes. Just love to explore new areas. When we were in Santa Monica or when we went to Los Angeles and we were at the tar pits and things that he just really enjoyed the history and the geography and just learning.

Rick Williams:

So we came back from Sequoia. He was there another day or so and then Mary Lou and I took him to San Francisco to fly back. Then we went back, had the rest of our vacation time with family, I took everyone to the airport and then I drove from Sacramento home by myself in the motorhome, which was an interesting trip because we encountered at one point straight-line winds that you couldn't even see straight line winds that you couldn't even see. And semis were going down the middle of the interstate because it was so windy and straight line rain. So I finally found an underpass, got off and just sat and waited it out. The good thing in a motor home is you can fire the generator up, just sit back and relax and wait till it was all over.

Rick Williams:

So that was Richy's second to the last trip and then a few months later, meeting with his oncologist, came. The worst kind of news of all is that there are no other treatment options available for you and so if there's any place else you want to go. You need to make peace with kind of everything in your life, and one of the things he really wanted to do he loves Star Wars is go to Orlando. They'd open the Star Wars exhibit at Disney World, and so we booked a trip. This was in October. We stayed on-prem so that we could go early and see all the sights, and Disney World was fantastic. We got a wheelchair for him, a motorized wheelchair. At first he didn't want to get in it, but his body was just really you could start to see the effects of this cancer breaking down his body. So he had a fantastic time at Disney World. He got to go through all the Star Wars exhibits. We went to a number of other locations within the Disney environment, but that was the last trip that he was going to be able to make.

Rick Williams:

So when we came back a few months later, it continued to get worse. We were having additional trips to the hospital. There was a point that there just was really no other options for him and we met with the hospital staff and the decision was made, or the decision was presented, to go on hospice, because they're really at this point, all you could deal with was pain management for him. So after a lot of consultation, prayer just again kind of heartbreak the decision was made to go on hospice. Now he started out in his own home. They had to bring in breathing machines. He was at this point not able to breathe fully on his own. He had to have the oxygen attached to him in a breathing machine.

Rick Williams:

He was coming over nightly to our house. I would go pick him up and then bring him over. He would spend the evening at our house and then I would take him back home. And he lived about 10 minutes from where we live and we would enjoy driving down 126th Street. There where River Road meets, there's a soccer field that was put in and a big woods behind it, and almost nightly we would watch the 30 to 50 deer that would be out grazing in the fields. And it was just a time that him and I every night would go back and pick him up.

Rick Williams:

And after we did that, probably a few months, we started talking. One night Mary Lou said Richy, would you just like to move in here, would it be easier? His first question is can Lexi come? And of course she could come, and so he ended up moving in with us and as we started hospice, I still was traveling some, not as much as I had been. I was in Salt Lake City for a convention and the pandemic hit and so when I came back, as you know, the world kind of shut down. So we weren't traveling and Mary Lou her job at a public accounting firm. She had moved to her home office I'm in my home office and Richy had moved in with us, along with Lexi.

Rick Williams:

So the pandemic afforded us the time that we were with him on a continual basis and some of the things that happened during the pandemic. He was very close to his small groups pastor and one of the things he had asked Dave, is I really want to be baptized? I've never been baptized and what could we do to make that happen? And so our church, Northview Church in Carmel, Indiana they set up one of the campuses. We did it at the Fishers campus. They set a special baptismal up for him campus. They set a special baptismal up for him and a number of our family and friends all came and celebrated. He was in a wheelchair at this point and on oxygen, but was able to step down in the baptismal and be baptized and it was a really a very special time for all of us and we'll put that up as a video as part of this series just to see you know. You'll definitely see the difference in his body from a very healthy young man to a body just being eaten away by cancer.

Rick Williams:

He also the pandemic hit in March. A month before his birthday was, February 8th. we had a big party for him at the house with a number of his friends came over and they put these signs where he was the star of the show and they all did pictures with him and it was really special for him, did pictures with him and it was really special for him and over the next few months a number of people would still come in and visit, even though this during the pandemic you know you're having to wear the mask and with him being so susceptible to any kind of thing that could happen we were very cautious about how people came in and you know make sure that you've not been sick or exposed to things and even shopping for groceries and things like that was all a there was a routine of it, of the sterilization and making sure that we kept everything nice and clean. And then his body again continued to just get worse and worse and worse. And on Memorial Day we had a number of our. We had the grandkids over, the kids were over. We set up some tents out in the backyard some pop-up tents and some fans so he could sit outside with us. He had some of his cousins came over and just the time that you know, he could watch the dog run around the backyard, just hang out outside. The temperature was fairly nice and when you looked at him, incredibly frail. When you're living it every day you didn't notice as much. When you look back in pictures it's pretty obvious the decline of his body as his cancer just ate it up. And so then a few days later he continued to. You could tell he was getting worse and worse. He was getting worse and worse. And the night before he passed away, up until that point he had really been focused on how do I live, how do I keep living, how do I keep fighting? And then, before he passed away, some things in his body just completely failed. And it was at that point that he realized that there's just nothing else that can be done and I slept in his room that night. We set new furniture and chairs and things in there for him that were comfortable, people could come in and hang out with him, but I slept in the room with him that night and during the night he passed away, and that was June 1st 2020.

Rick Williams:

So we're coming up on close to the five-year anniversary and, again, most of the premise of this podcast is not going to be about Richy's illness. It's about how, from that point on, have we as a family, with our friends and with family acquaintances, been able to live our life, while you have this massive pain and loss of someone that was so precious in your life, a part of your flesh and blood that will no longer be here with you? But how do you honor that memory? How do you keep them alive? How do you keep them alive for grandkids and for additional family that comes along? And so that's going to be the jumping off point for this podcast and hopefully sharing a lot of things that we found a lot of actual joy in remembering the things that Richy did, the wisdom that he had, how he lived his life has been a great example to our family and to others, and we want to give people hope that you lose a child. It is a traumatic loss in your life, but there is hope afterwards in your life, but there is hope afterwards.

Rick Williams:

We are going to have one additional story that'll be kind of leading up to this, and that's going to be about Lexi. Because Lexi was such an integral part of Richy's life that we are going to share that as a story of how she not only was an incredible comfort for him, but when he passed she was just such an incredible reminder and she made us feel like he was still there at times, and so we are gonna do just a segment on her. So I appreciate you watching. Please like and share if this is something that is helpful or beneficial to you. Thank you.

Dave Choutka:

My name is Dave Hootke and I've been blessed to know Richy. We first met when he was 16, sophomore in high school, and he plugged into my small group, and so I was so grateful to journey along with him through high school and to be his youth pastor, and we had a lot of fun too. We had a lot of fun through those years, and so actually last week, you know, I've been coming and hanging out with Richy and we talk about a lot of things. You know, we talk a lot about Netflix and sports and life, and we also talk about faith as well. And you know, I was just asking Richie on some things and he said I'd like to be baptized. And I said, richie, that's, that is awesome. I said we're gonna, we're gonna make that happen, and so so I'm grateful for for John and Randy opening up Northview here and, Richy, the water is warm, so that's going to be good. And I'm just so encouraged by Richy's step of faith here and to say you know what I want to make this step and to let everybody know that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior of my life, and I want to go into the waters of baptism and to know that when I go under the water, it represents Christ's death, and when I come up out of the water I'm raised to new life, representing Christ's resurrection. And so I'm just so proud of him and his decision to do this and his faith. And, you know, I'm so grateful too that God's led me back here in this moment. You know, I was in Colorado and God's led us back and our paths have been able to cross again. And you know, richie inspires me, you know, and how he is going through all of this. It's an inspiration and an encouragement to me, and so I'm just really proud of him.

Dave Choutka:

And so I wanted to read Romans 6. This is the message version, and just try to just picture in this moment of what this moment symbolizes, of what this moment symbolizes. But I also want you to picture too that, as Richy takes place in this baptism, and thinking about heaven rejoicing. And not only are we gonna celebrate and rejoice, but that heaven is also celebrating and rejoicing because of Richy and his decision and his faith and his life. So it says so what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not.

Dave Choutka:

If we've left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn't you realize? We packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind. When we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace a new life in a new land. That's what baptism into the life of Jesus means. When we are lowered into the water, it is like the burial of Jesus. When we are raised up out of the water, it is like the burial of Jesus. When we are raised up out of the water, it is like the resurrection of Jesus. Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father so that we can see where we're going in our new grace, sovereign country. Could it be any clearer?

Dave Choutka:

Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ a decisive end to that sin-miserable life, no longer at sin's every beck and call. What we believe is this if we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead, it was a signal of the end of death as the end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive, he brings God down to us. From now on, we think of it this way Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you. God speaks your mother tongue and hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did, and we celebrate that today. That's what Jesus did for us, and we have that hope and belief in him, and so we're going to walk into these waters now, and so, as Richy comes out of that water, let's celebrate. Let's celebrate what Jesus did, and let's celebrate just as heaven is celebrating with us. Come and get the tablets.

Dave Choutka:

Okay, there's that, spot on his back where his tumor.

Rick Williams:

You did like on that upper side just watch it.

Dave Choutka:

Yeah, just watch grabbing that have you made Jesus Christ lord and savior of your life, based upon your profession of faith, and that you love Jesus. We now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Rick Williams:

Thank you, amen, amen. Hey, lauren, do you mind keeping this as recording? Just keep holding it. I'm going to go ahead and get this one.

Dave Choutka:

Oh yeah, you can take that one.

Rick Williams:

Thank you. Thank you that one. I was feeling a little, you were feeling a little. I got one more. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here.

Dave Choutka:

I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here. I'll put it over here.

Rick Williams:

I'll put it over here, thank you.

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