Trauma Responses | How Pain Shapes Our Reactions & Healing

🎙️ ALL IN ONE: Real & Authentic

Trauma leaves marks that don’t always show—but they shape how we respond to life, love, and conflict. In this episode, we share the ways trauma responses have shown up in our lives—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—and how we’ve learned to recognize, manage, and heal from them.

💔 In this conversation, we share:
- Personal stories of how trauma rewired our reactions
- The invisible triggers that shaped our relationships
- The obstacles we faced breaking unhealthy cycles
- The raw truth of pain, anger, and vulnerability
- The practices and testimonies that guided us back to peace

✨ If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I react this way?”—this episode is our story of finding answers and hope.

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INTRO Instrumental Produced by UNC Can Rap

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 1:40 What are Trauma Responses
• 3:16 Personal Story
• 9:00 People Don’t Know How To Ask For Help
• 13:38 Avoiding Conflict
• 18:00 Counseling
• 20:05 Make sure your talking to the right person
• 24:12 Loss of a Loved One
• 29:48 Trauma Response or Protecting My Peace
• 33:00 Setting Boundaries
• 34:00 What Does Peace Mean to You
• 37:50 People Pleasing
• 38:52 Random: What would you do?

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to All-in-One, ladies and gentlemen. This is the podcast where we keep it real, we keep it authentic. Today we have a new member of the panel and we're going to go ahead and introduce her and then we're going to go ahead and jump right into the topics. And do today's topic is going to be trigger responses, triggered and trapped. So, without further ado, I'm going to go ahead and pass it over to Miss Arya and uh go ahead and introduce yourself and um let everybody know what you're all about here. Hey guys, I'm Arya. I'm so excited to join this podcast. Um been wanting to do this for a while. So, just to get into it, I'm a teacher. I'm a middle school teacher. So, I deal with all the all of the uh the different personality traits that can come into this world. You know, it starts off when you're in middle school because that's when all of your hormones start coming in and so your brain starts really functioning and it tells you like who you are going to be as an individual. So, I am that person that kind of guides you to help you see um things through educationally, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. So, I'm super excited to start this. All right. All right. Thank you. Welcome aboard. Glad to have you here. So, again, we're going to go ahead and jump right into u our subjects here. So, we're talking about trigger responses. Uh things that you may not recognize that is an actual trigger to you. You know, why these things why you behave in a certain manner. Uh certain things that that you may say based upon what someone said to you. Uh so first and foremost, you want to go ahead and identify uh or at least define uh what a trauma is. And for those that are kind of new to it or maybe just don't realize what exactly what it is. So you know trauma can come from almost any place and what can be traumatizing to it is subjective. Let's go ahead and say that upfront. um what's traumatizing to someone may not necessarily be traumatizing to someone else. It's that that event that happened in your life that makes you kind of um that changes your trajectory, if you will. You know, it's it's one of those major events. Uh death in the family could be one, you know, especially if you was close to that that relative. Um it could be anything. You know, a loss of a person, you know what I'm saying? Could be even something as simple as a breakup. It could be something as triggering as um essay or you know saying DV. You know, it comes in different several different forms and that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about how we respond to certain things based upon how our environment has shaped us, if you will. So, uh, without further ado, does anyone want to go first or do you guys want me to go ahead and and um, I actually want to jump on this because, um, not to say that my trauma is different or more than others. Um but I do I do have a lot of experience when it comes to trauma dealing with it myself from you know DV2SA and even further than that. Um one of the things that I can say is I recently started actually processing um some of the things that I've actually dealt with. Um, I started dealing with things, I want to say when I was, as far as I can remember, um, being like four or five years old all the way up to the age of 24 was like the last time that I had to deal with any kind of um, trauma in that form. Um, and it's definitely something that can affect the decisions that you make, the relationships that you build. It's something that affects how you even move going from the outside. Um because now due to a lot of the triggers and a lot of the assaults that I've had to do um deal with that trauma led into I can't even go to a concert or I can't go to um you know a park or something where there's like a lot of people around. I'm always you know watching my surroundings probably more than the average person. I don't believe in sitting away from the door when I'm a you know when I'm at a restaurant. things like that. So, those are my responses to those traumas. Um, your responses can definitely be different. Anyone can go from the extreme to something as small as just like, oh, I don't want to talk to somebody at that moment. Um, whatever those trigger responses are, it's it's definitely your best bet to know what that response is. Once you know and you understand it, then it's easier to move, you know, move past it. And once you move past it, then you're just a a product that can like save other from those traumas that they, you know, they're facing. Um, it could be something that they're dealing with at their homes. Like I have found especially since co I can't tell you how many children have just gone over the bridge like they just cannot function. They have no clue what to do because of the whole COVID situation being stuck in their homes and being stuck on computers and you know trying to teach from computers was just it was terrible to do. But now that we're back in the classrooms, I'm picking up on different things that the kids are going through and whether or not they tell me immediately, you know, me knowing body language because I've been through that, me understanding the way that they speak because I've been through that, you know, and because I can pick up on those triggers, I'm able to actually take my students to the side and say, "Hey, I'm noticing this behavior you know, and when you're able to give them an example of the some of the things that you've gone through, it's it's really a blessing because they now trust you and they feel like they can talk to you and it helps them process those things. Like I had a student once actually this past school year um I had a student once who was if I can say this cutting herself self harm um and I've gone through that myself and I had to talk to her about that and just me explaining my story to her was a game changer. She was like, "Wow, I can't believe like you of all people cuz they see me as this bubbly, goofy, you know, I'm the science teacher. I'm supposed to be fun." So, so they not So, they see me as this like fun, exciting, you know, person. So, for her to come to me and I'm telling her my story and she's just like, "Wait, what? Like, you've been through this? Like, you've done this?" And I tell her all of the ways that I've been able to process and go through those things. And it then we started I made her promise me to do check-ins. So we started doing check-ins and she just got better and better. And she was like, "You have no idea. Just talking to you just really changed a lot in me." And it's just a proud moment, you know? So making sure that you actually do pay attention to your triggers and going forward to like help yourself can help somebody else, save somebody else. I just wanted to say that. Yes. Thank you for sharing. Uh thank you very much for sharing you know um and I do empathize with you you know uh but it's good to see that you were able to overcome you know what I'm saying and make yourself healed and healed yourself I should say because we all know that takes time that takes effort uh it doesn't happen overnight um going back to some of the things that you were saying here one of the things that I do want to wanted to state was that from what I've experienced and what I've noticed is that people want help. They just don't know how to ask for that help. You know, so it's like and and we have to understand that the generations have changed. You know, we're not like it used to be back in the days where we had big mama in the house. You know what I'm saying? Grandma, big mama. and uh people that would actually sit down with you to ensure that your your well-being was well taken care of. Um nowadays you're pretty much fing for yourself or you're raised by the television or you know, god forbid you're out in the streets. Um and excuse me. It's it's like I said, people just don't know how to ask for the help. But if you can recognize that they need that help and you step up, then you know what I'm saying? Kudos to you. Because a lot of people don't do that. A lot of people won't step in when they see these things. It's like, it's not my child, not my business, not my problem. And then they keep it moving. When that child, that individual, it doesn't necessarily have to be a child. It can be a grown, you know what I'm saying? An adult. and um when they need that assistance and don't know how to ask for it. But if you know notice the signs, then you can actually, you know, saying go in and help out as much as you possibly can. Um going back to the trauma responses, there's four major categories of trauma responses according to the experts. Uh we call it fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, right? Mhm. Um, so most people get triggered instantly and what they'll end up wanting to do is become hostile. They'll be combative. You know what I'm saying? Anything that they can possibly do to try to get the um the spotlight off of whatever the real issue is, they become, you know what I'm saying? Oh my god, it's so subjective. I look at there's a statement that I I normally say to people and they look at me crazy every time I say it. So I I don't assume that it's going to go any differently this time. I tell people that the same water that hardens the egg will also soften the potato. It's like what? Like what does that mean? Well, it all depends on how you react to your environment. You know, using using another analogy is like going to prison, going to jail. Uh jail being that environment that changes people because one person can go in and they were kind of soft when they went in and comes back out hardened. And then you have other people who were really hardened when they went in and they may come out a little bit softer. Um you know what I'm saying? Spirits broken, if you will. Um, so you know, responses to certain things. I look back at my childhood and one of the things that I have the I had the hardest time coping with [Music] was, you know, just being a young male and being chastised, being bered, um always being silenced because I was very I was one of those curious children, you know, uh always wanted to know why I'm questioning everything because certain things just didn't make sense to me and I'm trying to get a grasp on it. But when you're dealing with people who can't take the time to explain it, maybe because they didn't know it themselves or just frustrated because they didn't want to be bothered. Then what ends up they react and then it kind of you kind of come into the shell if you will where you kind of just shut down and you don't really ask the questions that you should be asking. You don't really say anything anymore and that is a trauma response. Um because you don't really know. That's where you you go into this this I don't really know how to actually say it. You know, I guess it would fall under freezing uh where you disassociate where you just kind of just won't say anything to anyone, won't do anything for anyone, just just stay to yourself. And it took me a while to realize that I actually do that. like I avoid conflict not because I'm afraid of conflict. I just don't want to deal with it. And it was always easier to just shrink away and just let it be. What? You know, if it didn't bother me, so what? So, you know what I'm saying? Nowadays, um the man that I've grown into, I'm very vocal and I also speak out. Um, I was in school just last year and uh I went to the audio engineering school here in Atlanta. And you know, I got a chance to be around some of the younger guys, very talented younger guys, but you can just tell that they're lost, that they had no guidance, you know. So, I would actually speak to them. Hey, nephew, let me holl at you for a second. just because I saw something within them as well, you know, and just trying to get to to the root cause like, you know, just just chop it up with them, talk to them, talk, not talk at them, kind of help them, you know what I'm saying, go along. But at this point, I'm rambling, so I'm going to land my plane here. Um, Loki, you got anything? I I actually do, you know, and it's like I've been hearing I hear both of y'all and it's like I'm not even going to lie. I during my during my little living I haven't really been through anything of that nature. You know what I mean? is I just sit on the outside and look in and I've seen people who have, you know what I'm saying, growing up and they aren't the same person that they were when I first met them. And it's like you can tell during certain like actions and reactions of theirs of how they do things. They're more quicker and tenser with you know what I'm saying their actions. And you can tell because it's like uh it's it's a certain energy they give off that you know what I'm saying? Don't don't mess with me. You know what I'm saying? And it's like hey, you know what I'm saying? you you walk they almost look like they're walking on eggshells and so it's like I like my my friend you know what I'm saying who I called a good friend you know what I'm saying and it's um it it's it ruined her you know what I'm saying like she was nowhere near the same like the happy go-lucky type of person she used to be till that time and point of moment of what happened and how it happened and the way it did and you know what I'm saying she like she went to counseling for that for years but the thing about it is I don't even think counseling really worked like it was supposed to and it was I ain't even going to lie I didn't know how to I didn't know what to think about it you know what I'm saying cuz on the cool she never said anything to me about it so it's like how would I help her with her problem because if I call If I call you my friend, then I'm going to ride for you, with you, and all the way to the end. You know what I'm saying? And I'm I'm going to listen. You know what I'm saying? And even though you can tell she look like she would like to say something, but it's like when especially when so she do not like people standing behind her in no form of fashion. And so it's it's just a lot. And so, uh, you got it. I get that. Appreciate it. I get that. Um, you know, again, people re they respond differently. You know what I mean? Uh, everyone is going to respond differently dependent on the individual, how strong that individual is and whether or not they're able to just release certain things or if they're the type of person that internalizes everything and overthinks. Um, when it comes down to counseling, you have to understand that counseling is a two-way street. The counselor will give you the tools that you need to try to help yourself. But again, you must help yourself. You know, the tools are no good if you don't apply them. If you're just sitting here looking at it, but you're not really focus comprehending right what is actually trying to get you to do. Um, as you recall, you know, there was some some material that I told you once before that I wanted you to look at, correct? You know, and it sat there for a while. I can't pressure you into doing it. I know you need this, but when you're ready, it's there for you. And when you finally got around to it, you were like, "Hey, look, these tools help me." You know? Um, but again, it's like that counseling piece. It's great to talk to somebody. It's great to have somebody listen. Um, and you know, that's a whole another subject for a whole different podcast cuz there's active listening and then there's passive listening, you know, and uh, so it's great to have somebody listen to you to understand what it is that you're what you're saying to them, but how are they aiding in assisting you with getting better? you know, uh what are you doing for yourself to go ahead and to get over that hump, to get over that hurdle and move forward, propel yourself forward. You know, it's a lot to it. You can't just sit here and go talk for that hour, 30 minutes, or whatever it is, that schedule, and think you're going to be healed. You got to do you got to get in there and do that shadow work and on that Alabama plane. So, we have you SC with your hand up. What would you like to say or add on to? Yeah, I just wanted to um stand in agreement with the uh what uncle was saying about the counseling. Um I do also want to say that it does the work the other work that you need to put in is also making sure that you're talking to the right person. I can't tell you how many times I have had to switch my counselors. Um, and it it literally had nothing to do with them or me. It was it was mutually just like we are not a match. You are not vibing with me. You are not listening to me. You are not understanding me or comprehending anything that I'm saying to you. So, I need to move on and go to somebody else that can really give me what I need. Um, when I lost my father, that was probably honestly, as much as I've gone through other assaults and things of that nature, when I lost my dad, I took that way harder than someone touching me. Like that for me was just like it's one thing to to touch me and take something from my person, but to physically take a person away from me that's giving me what I need to survive and live and is my motivation to even still be here like that was hard. So I I did go to go in silence. I went in silence. I did not want to be here. I was self- sabotaging, you know, like I cut everyone out. I even cut my own mom out. I did not answer my phones. Friends would try to call me, text me, and things of that nature. They had to actually call someone to come to my apartment just to see if I was even breathing to do like a welfare check because I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't care to talk to anybody. No one meant anything to me at this point. And I went through so many counselors trying to explain and talk to them about what I'm actually feeling with losing my father and they had no idea. Some people don't. Some people kind of have to even they might have to even go through it to be able to, you know, help you. But whether or not you talk to someone that has gone through what you've gone through or not, they must have the tools. And if you are actually putting in that work and trying to um get through your trauma with this individual and they're actually doing what they're supposed to do, then yes, it will legitimately work. It will legitimately work. It's going to be a lot a lot of homework and due diligence on your end. Um, but ultimately the end result is is healing. Now, that doesn't mean that you're going to forget the feelings or that you're going to be, you know, you'll never feel sad. Like I still have moments when I I cry about my dad. Like I just graduated with another degree and he was there for my first degree, but it was something that I really didn't care to do. Like I didn't think like oh I want to be a teacher. I ah this is so exciting. To me teaching is like a trade. So it's like no matter what happens if you don't get the the actual career that you want you can always fall back on teaching you know. And so that's how I end up teaching. But now that I'm an animal scientist, a wildlife biologist, this is something that I've always wanted to do since I was a little girl. And for me to actually reach this moment and he's not even here with me. I was balling going across the stage. Like I'm literally going back to my chair and I'm just like sitting there crying and like all of my my peers, you know, they're sitting next to me and they're like, "Oh my god, don't cry. I'm going to cry, too." You know? So, you're going to have your moments where you're still in it and you still like feel it, but you still have that healing. You don't linger in it and you don't stay in it. And that is showing growth. Right on. Right on. Now, you know what I'm saying? Like I understand what you're saying and that that hits in so many bases because everyone can reminisce and remember when their favorite loved one, you know what I'm saying, just so happened to have left and the impact that it had on them was such a profound issue to the point to where sometimes is some people take it a little bit harder than others and some people take it just a little bit softer. Some depending on the bond that they shared with that uh with that said person. And so it's like like my auntie, you know what I'm saying? My aunt Diane, she was the most outgoing person I have ever met. And like she could always make you happy when you on your low I'm talking about the lowest and it's like wow you know what I mean and to not to have her not to have her around at the times I do feel though even from the smallest things when I used to remember even if I was to how can I say it uh I was playing outside and a little you You know what I'm saying? It must have ran ran into the sticky bush, man. When they had to prick pull them little prickly things about my bum side. And I was like, Lord, could I could not stop crying. Couldn't sit down either. I had to lay on my front. I couldn't lay on my back. And um she was the one that was picking it out. But while she was picking it out, she was talking mad [ __ ] I'm talking about like a whole cash money. Like, oh, you couldn't like you could not stop laughing. You know what I mean? No matter how much it hurt, it hurt real bad. Like, for real, for real. She was picking them out hard, too. And it was like, wow. But she was like, she like, I bet you going to jump in that bush again. I bet you'll stay away from that like we told you to already. Yeah. You once you learn, you know what I'm saying? But once you learn, you become more aware. I feel it becomes much more understandable. So that way if you see someone else going through what you've been through, now that you know what you didn't been through after you got past it, are you really ready to help someone? Or is that even negotiable? Will that person even listen? Will you try or how can I put it? Will they receive what you're trying to give or will they understand what you're trying to give to so to understand to the fact of the matter of them you know actually opening back up to you to I guess take it all in and I land my plane I see you got your hand up right roger that roger that. So once you recognize your traumas and once you've actually been able to start your healing process can't say that you actually finished that process because it is a ongoing h it's ongoing process just just call it what it is you know um correct every day you find out that oh I thought I healed that and you realize hey I didn't you got triggered by something else um that was similar to something that always you know what I'm saying seemed to trigger Uh but when do you start helping people? As soon as you can because as you help yourself, as you're helping them, you're actually helping yourself as well. And you know, so it brings me back to that old phrase where each one teach one, right? You know what I'm saying? We can we can do this all day. Knowledge is power, but only when it's shared, you know? Um we if you if you sit here and you know you can recognize when somebody is not healed and you say nothing then you are literally part of the problem. You're not part of the solution. Um if you know and if you feel compelled to say something then say something. Just make sure that you package whatever it is that you have to say in the proper manner so that it is received properly. You know, because you can as as I stated before, you can be right, but it's better to be more correct than right. You know what I'm saying? So, when you deliver that message, don't talk at someone. You talk to them. you you speak to them in a manner you soften your stance you know so that you can speak to them in a manner in which they are ready to receive um it's just it's a matter of not necessarily what you say but how you say it you know uh you can tell somebody that they ate up and they shouldn't be doing certain things but don't say it in that manner you know like I told you before plant the seed. Hey, did you think about you might want to think about doing this or you know so tell me what you think about this when you you know what I'm saying when you was you going through your plan or whatever the case I'm mumbling right now but you guys understand the gist of what I'm trying to say. Um so you look at your traumas and your trauma responses and I look at mine it's like how am I responding to people? How am I responding in relationships? How am I responding to family based upon things that I've gone through? Uh or do I just not I'm the same way. I've cut a lot of people off within the last two years. You know, it's like don't take phone calls. Won't return a text message. I will leave you on red. I will not block you. I want you to see that I actually read and I'm still not responding. It's like leave me alone. I'm I'm not dealing with you at this point, you know. Uh it just is what it is. If I don't deal with you, you know what you did to me for making me not deal with you. I I don't need to address it. You know what it is. You can tell people whatever it is you want to tell them, but you and I know what going on. You know, uh but again, you know what I'm saying? I look at it from my responses. How do I respond to certain things? And I'm looking at it like, okay, was that a trauma response or was I, you know, am I protecting myself? You know, cuz there's a fine line between the two of those. Do I shut down because I don't want to get to that next level or do I shut down because what you said wasn't worth a conversation and I'm just walking away from it, you know? Um, I look at things and I'm looking I'm wondering again, am I protecting myself right now or am I just repeating a pattern that I've done that I've learned to do that's that helped me to survive whatever it was that I went through, you know. And on that note, for now, I will land my play. Um, I'll jump in. Um, I think protecting your peace is important. Um because at the end of the day we all we no one knows how long we're supposed to be here, you know. So let's just for giggle say that we're supposed to be here 80 years. Okay, and we're 40 years old. Well, okay, half of our lives are gone, you know? So what do you want to do with the rest of the 40 years that you have left on this earth? Are you going to sit here and allow people to affect your peace or are you going to protect your peace at all costs? Because they don't live your life. They are not with you all the time if you need someone to to help you, you know, last minute. Are they really going to be there to be the ones that's going to pick up the pieces for you? If you hurt yourself, god forbid, end up in the hospital, now you need assistance. are those people going to be there to help you with the assistance that you need? And if not, then those are the people that has to have to go. So, you have to figure out who's actually helping you protect your peace. And you have to protect your peace on your own. You have to stand on that. It's it's boundaries. That's the word I'm looking for. It's boundaries. Giving yourself boundaries, saying, "This is what I will deal with. This is what I refuse to deal with. And when you say that you refuse to deal with it, stick to your boundaries. Don't let anyone cross over those boundaries because once they cross over, please believe they will continue to do that. Continue to do that. Low key, I see your hand up. Yeah. So when you say uh uh peace, some people actually I believe don't understand as in what real peace actually is. If we may take a st second to kind of break it down from our own perspective, if you don't mind and can we expound upon that? can't is is there is there a little bit uh more like is there more to it like what does it actually mean to keep your own peace? Yes. What is the word like the actual word peace? Because I feel peace is more of a I'm not uh I'm not stressed in any type of form or fashion. I feel that I know myself well enough to where I can act and be the person that I always have been and wanted to be. And so therefore, I feel like to me, peace is basically bringing a form of heaven to earth in your own way, you know? And so it's like you can we can run around here and say uh you're not going to disturb the peace, but then are we actually in peace when we're hollering about peace when we said that we're not going to let no one else, you know what I'm saying, mess over the boundaries of it? And so how do you know when you are in it when you trying to be of it? If you understand what I'm trying to portray, well, I would say that peace for me when I speak of peace, I speak of I speak of calmness, a quiet. I speak of you are actually in yourself wholeheartedly loving yourself. You are happy. You are content with life that there is nothing that anyone can say or do to break that. Now once someone step over those lines and they break that for you from you then that is breaking your peace because when you are at peace nothing bothers you nothing is going to bother you nothing can harm you because you're like you know what I wash my hands of that situation I'm not going to deal with that situation I'm going to keep it moving you know if you believe in God put it in the hands of God or put it in the hands of whoever you believe the universe and say deuces because at the end of the day I know what I have to deal with. I know what I'm not going to stress over. I can be silent. I can walk away from it. I don't have to even engage in the conversation with it. That is me holding my peace. That part. That part. So, and that's exactly what I was going to say as well. And I saw you lowkey. Give me just a second here. Um, take your time. Dramafree was one of the things that I wrote down. Your tone will tell you whether or not you're at peace. You if you like for me, I like to I like to think that I'm at peace. So, the tone of my voice is calm. It's peaceful. It's serene. you know, um, carefree doing what I doing what I love to do and don't care who says what about it. I don't you know why? Cuz you don't pay my bills. I don't care what you think. Attach your opinion to one of these bills and then we can talk about it. You know what I'm saying? Then maybe I might consider what you have to say nine times out of 10. I'm not. But if you want to feel that way, you know what I'm saying? Other than that, I don't care. So being at peace to me is just what Arya said, bro. It's like it doesn't matter what anybody says. You know what I'm saying? You know who you are. You know what you are capable capable of accomplishing. And for somebody say, "Well, I don't think you going to do that." Okay, that's a gift for thought and then not think. You know what I'm saying? I don't care, bro. It doesn't matter um what you think about me. I don't care because I'm going to continue to live my life the way that I see fit. I'm not trying to appease anyone anymore. And that's one of those other traits, those trauma responses is people pleasing. And a lot of times people don't understand that they do things to get that that uh validation from other people. And when you at truly at peace, you don't care about their opinion. So I don't need your validation. I'm valid. I'm validating myself. You know what I'm saying? I stood on that. So for now, I will land my plane. But you know me, I got a lot to say, bro. Well, I ain't even going to lie. You kind of hit my point of what I wanted to present. You know what I'm talking about? And it's just you you made you said it you couldn't say it no better than I all on point. And so now now I want to get to uh if you don't mind I I had I had a friend he he is uh I think he is like 20 20 some odd years old and yeah okay right on thank you and um he was actually how many people, have you ever known like growing up? Do you you know what a superhero is? What is a superhero in your eyes? Cuz I ain't going to lie to you. before I started watching uh superhero movies and all of that type of stuff, I used to always think my mama was a superhero for me, you know, and it it's the reason why I give the utmost respect to every woman, no matter the color, you know what I'm saying, size or however it however you see fit. You know what I'm saying? A woman will always be a woman. You know what I'm saying? They are the womb holders. They are the the people that sit at top, you know what I'm saying, of the pyramid to me. And so by saying that, it says a lot. You know what I mean? So it's like when you meet someone who actually if you seen somebody getting getting mugged, what would you do if y'all mind me asking? Call 911. Someone please call 911. Pull out your phone and start recording. Give them evidence that they just got mugged. I mean, I'm not jumping in that. Me personally, I'm not putting my life on the line no more. I did that for 24 years. I'm through with that. I'm no longer a superhero. I don't dawn a cape anymore. Uh, okay. My life my life is precious to me. Um, I'm not saying that I would sit around and just watch something happen to someone. I'm not going to allow, you know what I'm saying? But at the same time, you have to be cautious of where you put your nose if, especially if it's not really your concern. You there's, as Arya stated, call 911. And that's pretty much all you really need to do. Don't don't put yourself in harm's way trying to save somebody that you don't know because you don't know what that person did. And even if they are being dragged across the co the concrete, you don't know what they did. You don't know what they said. You know what I'm saying? And you involve yourself into some stuff. I mean, there are certain things that you can do, especially if you do it in groups. And you know what I'm saying? And it's like, but if you oneon-one and somebody got to let's put it to you like this right here. Mhm. If a male is is, you know what I'm saying, doing something to, you know what I'm saying, domestic violence to a female and my and I am in close proximity, then nine times out of 10, I will probably try to stop that reason with him, not just go over that with an attitude. You know what I mean? It depends on how you approach that situation because if he is actually using a weapon against her or you know what I'm saying, use your brain. You have to you have to use your brain. Uh before you put yourself in harm's way, especially if you are not trained to do so. Um my bad. I think that's a key word that you just said, training. right? Training that's important, you know. Um and and see the reason why I brought this up was because I had a very good friend. He seen someone getting mugged and he did not even think he didn't even you know what I'm saying give two seconds to think about his own well-being. You you know what I'm saying? He He jumped in the line of fire for a whole person that he didn't even know. You know what I'm saying? And I might have been playing with him. You know what I'm saying? But I had to give I had to give him the utmost respect because he did he did what I what I would have done. You know what I'm saying? And the thing about it is I feel like Captain David, I really appreciate you. You know what I'm saying? And I hope, you know what I'm saying, that the person that you say that will listen to this, you know what I'm saying? And let her find you and tell you thank you. You know what I'm saying? And if she don't, I will tell you myself, thank you, my brother. Because if you wouldn't have stood in and stood up and because you did, you got stabbed three times. You know what I'm saying? In the in the chest. You know what I'm saying? and in the arm and in the leg. And then from what you told me, you even had, you know what I'm saying, a piece of the knife stuck off in your arm. You know what I'm saying? And I don't care what nobody say, brother man. You will always have respect from me anytime. Real talk. Because that's the definition of a real hero to me. someone who is willing to put their own jeopardy, their life in jeopardy to save another just for just for the smallest in anything, you know what I'm saying, of trouble. Thank you, my brother. Absolutely. Absolutely. But at the same time, he took some injuries and they'll probably be back together next week. So, so these are the type of things that you have to look at, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's like for me personally, you know, I say that jokingly. So, um, but at the same time, is your safety worth someone else's safety? Is self-preservation a topic of discussion for you at that point? Do you have any thought process or do you just react? I say that because in the military they train us. Listen to the key word that I said there. They train us to react. No thought process whatsoever. You've done this drill so many times. It's it's innate. It's second nature. It's as simple as breathing. you know how to respond because you trained to respond in those certain type of situations. And bro, while what he did was very honorable, it was also reckless. You can look at it from both sides. There are always two sides to a coin. He had no training. He didn't know if that man had something other than that knife. You know what I mean? You do not know and you must take precaution. Your life this is not a video game. There are no respawning. You don't come back. You don't get extra lives. You don't pass go. It's it's one and done. So you have to be cautious and you have to make sure that you have proper training. And I'll land my plane there. Go ahead, Ara. Um, I like that you used the word um, reckless. Now, I granted I I spoke to him myself. Um, and just as he was explaining it, it was very like this is what I do every day. like it was no like um yes it it was very um I don't like use this word but I don't know another word to use but it was more like childlike mindset because and I'm not going to really fault him for it because he's 24 so he is a child technically he's still like reaching up into that adulthood you know He he can't even rent a car right now. You have to be 25 to rent a car. So So you know, I'm just Right. Right. I'm saying, you know, so like, and then he was saying this isn't the first time. He's done it before, but he's never had any injuries from doing it before. Um, and so granted, he did go out and he, you know, he didn't think about it. He just acted on impulse. Impulse. What's the what's the uh saying? Uh curiosity killed the cat. You know, you if you're acting on impulse and you're just going out there doing things, that is how you get hurt. And I'm I'm sure he's got, you know, family that cares about him and loves him and and all of these things. And if you're gone because you did do something reckless, then that's not okay. That doesn't really justify. I mean that that means you did something that you you did think outside of yourself but it's still it still at the end of the day is reckless when you have training and you've actually you know been through the fields and stuff like that to know how to deal with situations and you have no question about your training by all means I can see that going a different a different way because if a person comes at you with a knife you know how to disarm. A person comes at you with a gun, you know how to disarm. A person comes at you with the wh pow and in and the kicking, you know how to disarm. But if you're just like, "Oh my gosh, this lady's in trouble. She's being robbed. I'm going to jump in." Jump into what? See, sometimes sometimes is it it I feel like we talk about we we talk about being one. We talk about unity. We talk about you you know like trying to uh heal the Americans uh the Americas. And so by us, everyone you hear saying that, but if they seek that type of action and don't respond, how can you call yourself the human that you're supposed to be saying that you are if you can't help the next person beside you, but not respond low key. That's not what we're saying. We're saying how you respond. The key word is how you respond. Obviously, we want somebody to respond. We don't want an old lady being robbed by anybody, correct? Like, if you were just watching that, then yes, you more than likely just a not a good human being. I'm trying to watch my words. You're just not. This is Hey, this is a 18 and up. You got to be 21 to get up on here. So, we No, I get it. It's It's still just a It's a me thing. It's just got understood. I I'm a role model, so I have to continue to act like it, you know, even if inside and outside of inside and outside, I'm a role model, so I I'm always going to be cautious about what I say and how I say um say things. But yeah, so it's really just about how you respond to those things because when you asked, I was straight up and I was like, I'm gonna call 911. I'mma be like, I'm on this street. I'm on this land. I see this. I see that. There's a there's a building that looks like this. And there's a lady and there's a guy that's robbing this lady. She's wearing this. He's wearing straight from Taco Bell. All of the above. I will give detailed information that can help this lady. Now, we don't know if he cuz I mean, let's face it, a lot of times these little petty theft people, they are not getting ready to actually hurt someone. A lot of times they're not. But he went into defense mode because now, yes, he is robbing this old lady, but he's like, "Oh, this is an easy target. I'm going to take this and I'm going to go." but instead it went way south because now you have this big guy who's jumping in on you. And so now he feels like,"Okay, it's on and popping now. So, I'm going to do what I need to do." And now you you both are fighting when that probably would have never happened in the first place. She would have got her wallet taken. Okay. Hey, Chase. Um, Capital One of you know, Bank of America, I I was robbed. cancel my card and send me another one. You know what I'm saying? So, the way that you help, you want to be sensible. You want to be smart about it. And you do not want to be reckless because I mean, you don't want other people to think that's okay, too. Cuz if a kid saw you and they're like,"Oh, wow. That's a cool thing now." Because, you know, kids are they're very immature. They see the they see things like that and they're like, "Oh, that's cool. I'm going to do that, too." You know, and you don't want to teach them that that's what that's the way that you're supposed to respond. Go ahead. And so, how can we say that we are here to teach the next generation? What What does that entail then? It entails it entails giving them safe, logical, and purposeful guidance. Okay? You tell you tell them things that make sense to them, such as everything in that purse can be replaced. Your life cannot be. That's sound advice. You know what I'm saying? That's logical advice. Is it cool to stand up for your next for your fellow man, brother, sister? Absolutely it is within reason. Because everybody has a family and everybody family wants them to come home. You know what I'm saying? You mean to tell me I lost my I could have lost my life for somebody else's purse and let's be real about it. Women will want they might actually carry very nice bags, but at the end of the day, are the items inside of that bag equivalent to the cost of the bag? Probably not. People want a $10,000 bag and got $2.50 and some lip gloss inside of it. I'm just being honest, bro. Is that really worth your life? In the grand scheme of things, is that really worth your life? Is your Is your mama going to be like, "I'm so proud of my son. He lost his life over $2.50 since my lip gloss." No, she's not. She's going to have a trauma response. Getting back on subject, she's going to end up having a trauma response and start start talking about all the things that you should have, could have, would have done had you not made that one decision. Mhm. You know, um it's not worth it in the long run. The days of captain, it's over with, bro. Um today, what I would tell you because I understand where you were going with what you said, but this goes not just for it goes for everybody across the board. You treat people in the manner in which they show you they want to be treated. All right? Act like a queen, I treat you like a queen. You act like anything else and I will treat you accordingly. It's the same thing with grown folks. You treat grown folks like grown folks and they will act accordingly. You treat grown folks like anything other than grown folks and they will act accordingly. same statement, two different tones. Did you catch the differences? Yes. So, it's I I will say do not if you have especially if you have a family, don't put your life on the line for something that's one not even your business and two not your business. I'mma leave it at that. Just gonna leave it at that. But I just wanted to say that will that you know what I'm saying? I understand where y'all coming from and I understand where y'all are going. But I just want to send one I just want to say this one more time. Brother man, you did the right thing. You know what I'm saying? I do want you to know that real tough. Anybody else got anything else they want to put out before we do closing? I just want to say, Captain David, we will always, you know what I'm saying, honor you, my brother. I just had to say that one more time because I I just can't stress that enough. I can't stress that enough. You know what I'm saying? And to know that that's my homie. You know what I'm saying? I got a homie. You know what I'm saying? That's a Superman. I'm just keeping it real, y'all. How many people can y'all say that? How many people can you say that about your friends? Superman of steel. Hey. Hey. Man of steel. I think like the nice break on him. He he he's not he's not Superman. But he's human. He did a very honorable thing. Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to clown him in a minute though, like everybody else in the hood. But it's like, bro, you went over there to try and help that chicken. Did you at least get a phone number? I hope he got a phone number. Did he get a phone number? An old lady. They didn't even tell in the newsletter. They didn't even tell what his story was. They just said it was a a kid that got stabbed. That's it. They didn't even go into the details of why and what happened, the inbetweens or anything like that. The news article was very just like blah. Right. Yeah. So, he didn't even get, you know. Wow. Okay. in that case. So that's the reason why I had to put out that's the reason why I had to speak upon that subject because I feel like that that's not people don't talk about stuff like that enough. You know what I'm saying? People who actually would do things like that enough. That's all. And I end my playing and thank y'all wonderful people for listening to our story. Thank y'all. All right, good night. We'll end on that. Appreciate y'all for coming through as as always. See you guys tomorrow. All right. Bye, guys. [Music]