Trust Issues: Family, Friends & Business | Why We Struggle to Believe | ALL IN Podcast

Trust is earned, not given — but what happens when it’s broken?

In this powerful episode of the ALL IN ONE: Real & Authentic Podcast, we unpack the messy, emotional, and often painful reality of trust issues. From family betrayals and toxic relationships to business deals gone wrong, we reveal why trust is so fragile — and why it’s so hard to rebuild once it’s lost.

💡 This isn’t surface talk. It’s raw, unfiltered conversations about:

• 🔑 Why trust in relationships often collapses after betrayal
• 🔑 How to spot red flags before they break you
• 🔑 The difference between dependability and true trust
• 🔑 Learning to trust yourself again after manipulation
• 🔑 Setting boundaries without guilt
• 🔑 “Trust but verify” — protecting yourself in love, business, and friendships

✨ At the end of the day, trust starts with YOU.

🔗 Listen & Subscribe:

• Linktree
  
  
• Spotify
  
  
• Apple Podcasts
  
  
• YouTube
  
  
• Buzzsprout
  
  

👉 Share your story. Who do you trust — and who do you wish you didn’t?

INTRO Instrumental Produced by UNC Can Rap

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro – Trust is complicated
• 6:42 Family & Betrayal – Why broken trust hurts deepest
• 15:20 Business & Money – Trust issues in contracts and partnerships
• 24:50 Manipulation & Red Flags – Why we ignore the obvious
• 34:11 Sabotaging Good Relationships Because Of Trust Issues
• 43:11 REAL & AUTHENTIC AND ABOUT TO CALL CAP 😂
• 46:31 Jealousy Also Causes Trust Issues
• 55:43 Trust What You See
• 56:40 Patterns Over Promises
• 59:15 People are Mirrors
• 1:04:42 How You Respond to People Also Reflects What's Within
• 1:09:00 Dependability vs. Trust – They’re not the same thing
• 1:11:06 Outro

Transcript

0:00:12.750,0:00:16.249
Welcome to All and one, ladies and gentlemen.

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This is the podcast where we keep it real.

0:00:18.250,0:00:20.208
We keep it authentic.

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Today, we're going to talk about one of those tough topics.

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Something that everybody goes through

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at some point in time in your life, you know what I'm saying?

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It's one of those things that, you know, to be honest,

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which is just the ugly truth about those things that ruuin families, friendships, and careers.

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You know, we're talking about nothing other than trust issues today.

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So, again, we keep things real, we keep it authent here.

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So this is right here is going to be one of those subjects that's,

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you know, saying might touch on some people.

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You know what I'm saying, depending on what side of the fence you stand on.

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But at the end of the day, everything we say is going to be truth.

0:00:57.791,0:01:01.958
So without without further ado, we're going to go ahead and kick this thing off

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and we're going to see we're going to go ahead and open up panel,

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see if anybody want to come in first and talk about it.

0:01:10.458,0:01:12.458
Got any takers?

0:01:12.458,0:01:14.916
Got any trust issues they want to talk about real quick.

0:01:14.958,0:01:16.958
I'll go first.

0:01:16.958,0:01:20.666
Okay, trust issues.

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Okay.

0:01:26.833,0:01:28.833
Dang.

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I feel like I have trust issues just because my

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background with adoption and not

0:01:38.291,0:01:42.708
going well on my first adoption and,

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you know, I feel like it's hard for me to trust people,

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even though like, I'm like, yeah, I trust you.

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But at the same time, back in my head, I'm like

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I don't know.

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Because what if it's like something doesn't go your way?

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Like, are you going to use that against me?

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Are you going to?

0:02:02.541,0:02:04.708
So for me, I have, um,

0:02:05.541,0:02:09.416
I feel like I have tend to trust issues.

0:02:09.416,0:02:12.500
So in the last like few

0:02:12.541,0:02:18.208
years, I have been working on that because I know everybody's not a bad person.

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Everybody is not

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everybody's not evil or everybody's not.

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But to be honest, I feel like a

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lot of people have bad intentions than

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a lot of it's hard to find genuine people.

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It's hard to find people that is like really

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has the best intentions for you.

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and being on

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TikTok, meeting a lot of people, being,

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you know, in a big family, being part

0:02:55.791,0:03:01.166
of, just like, I feel like a lot of people are waiting for you to fail

0:03:02.291,0:03:05.916
not really see you successful.

0:03:05.958,0:03:09.250
And I've seen a lot of people come around.

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Nobody was here for me when I wanted

0:03:12.291,0:03:15.750
to go and I'm going to be very honest.

0:03:15.791,0:03:20.083
Like nobody was here for me when I wanted to take my car to the river.

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Like nobody was here for me when I wanted to die.

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Nobody was here for me

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when I felt like I had

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negative something in my bank account.

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Nobody was here for me.

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So it's like all of a sudden, I'm doing good.

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I have my place.

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I'm taking care of my son by myself.

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I'm doing this.

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I'm doing that.

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Okay, guess what?

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Everybody's popping out out of nowhere asking for like, oh, can I have money?

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Can I have money?

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Can I have money

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You know, it's just, it's

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hard for me to be like, oh yeah, like press you because it's

0:03:51.916,0:03:56.500
like, what if what if something happens and I don't got money again?

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Like, are you still going to be here?

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You know?

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So, uh, but I'm going to let my plan on that for now

0:04:03.416,0:04:05.291
and let somebody else go.

0:04:05.291,0:04:07.083
Okay, I'll go next.

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I get what you mean,

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like, how people can not want you or

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basically be like you're nothing, you know, and

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then once you have something, then you're everything.

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And it's like, I'm only beneficial to you or

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you're only beneficial to me when I need you.

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Like you have something for me.

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So that's why you're beneficial.

0:04:32.541,0:04:34.958
But then when you don't have anything, you're not beneficial anymore.

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So you have to figure out

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who are the ones that you trust through and

0:04:39.625,0:04:43.916
throughout, through in and throughout those situations.

0:04:43.916,0:04:47.208
I personally had trust issues

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and I think it like stemmed from

0:04:50.458,0:04:54.583
at an early age, trusting

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people who I think, you know, as family

0:04:58.166,0:05:01.500
or friends or, you know, the people that you grew up with and

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they, you know, do things to you

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that you don't give them permission to do.

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And now you're like,

0:05:10.833,0:05:13.458
but I thought this was like a family.

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I thought this was like a friend or I trusted this

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person and they violated me.

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And

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um it just makes you question

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for, well, it makes, it made me question like my individuality.

0:05:28.625,0:05:33.875
It made me question like the way that I look, maybe something I've said

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you know, and it made me just question everything.

0:05:39.083,0:05:42.166
Like every way that I move now,

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I'm always like, I don't know if I can move this way because this might happen

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because it happened last time.

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Or, you know, I just, I don't know.

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So because of the situations that I've gone through,

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it's made me take a step back and

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really question trusting anyone, which

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I think makes relationships even harder.

0:06:06.208,0:06:09.375
When you fall in love with someone,

0:06:09.375,0:06:13.541
you're giving them your all and you're everything and you're trusting that they

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aren't going to hurt you or harm you in any way, shape

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or form, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially.

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You know, you, if you marry them,

0:06:25.166,0:06:28.083
that means that you wholeheartedly trust them.

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You trust that they're going to have your back.

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Like no one gets married

0:06:32.125,0:06:35.291
with the idea, I'm getting a divorce.

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Like, because if that's the case, you wouldn't even get married.

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There's no point.

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So breaking that trust, you know, for whatever reasons,

0:06:45.666,0:06:51.000
like mine specifically, was it was a lot of things.

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It was manipulation and narcissistic behaviors

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and gaslighting and cheating,

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and name calling and,

0:07:01.208,0:07:04.125
you know, verbal abuse and all of those things..

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It just made me not

0:07:07.750,0:07:11.250
trust this person anymore that they're capable

0:07:11.291,0:07:16.541
of giving me what I thought that they were giving me, which was respect and love and care and attention

0:07:17.416,0:07:20.500
And now that that's

0:07:20.541,0:07:24.791
over, all of that really hasn't unpacked

0:07:24.791,0:07:30.666
fully, and I don't think it ever will technically unpack because I've noticed that

0:07:31.291,0:07:34.458
throughout my relationships that I've had,

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that there's been just a little bit of something left

0:07:37.750,0:07:41.166
over where I still

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feel like I can trust, but not wholeheartedly trust

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And I hate that feeling so much.

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I feel like it's such a flaw on

0:07:52.750,0:07:56.916
my end because I want to be able to give someone,

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you know, all of me and fully trust that

0:08:00.333,0:08:02.708
the next person will be best for me.

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But it's like, if you've had all of these different experiences

0:08:06.208,0:08:10.708
when people are constantly betraying you and hurting you and taking from you

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like, how do you wholeheartedly trust the next person?

0:08:15.916,0:08:19.333
How do you know that this next person is going to be

0:08:19.333,0:08:22.625
there for you no matter what, that they actually will

0:08:22.625,0:08:26.791
have your back no matter what, that they're not going to treat you

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you know, harshly.

0:08:29.416,0:08:31.083
They're not going to talk down to you.

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They're not going to take from you, steal from you, belittle you.

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You know, how do you know that that's one time?

0:08:38.583,0:08:40.583
Because that's all it takes is this one time

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that I get so angry or so out of control

0:08:44.416,0:08:48.250
or whatever that now I'm just going to treat you like shit

0:08:48.250,0:08:53.750
and make you feel like what I think you should feel like in that moment.

0:08:53.791,0:08:57.250
I don't know how to trust it that won't ever

0:08:57.750,0:08:59.750
happen.

0:08:59.750,0:09:03.791
So I'm always like, kind of got my guard up when it comes to that.

0:09:03.791,0:09:06.833
Even trusting anything that people

0:09:06.875,0:09:10.208
say that they will do for me, like I've had people tell me, oh

0:09:10.208,0:09:13.916
yeah, I'm going to do this for you and I want to do this for

0:09:13.916,0:09:18.041
you and I want to help you in this area and I want to be there for you for this

0:09:18.916,0:09:22.666
And don't show up.

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Like, never shows up.

0:09:24.708,0:09:26.500
And it's like,

0:09:27.375,0:09:31.500
I don't even know who to trust because it's

0:09:31.500,0:09:37.833
too many people, too many people aren't on this trust train.

0:09:37.875,0:09:40.791
There's way too many people not on the trust train.

0:09:40.833,0:09:42.833
So how do I decide

0:09:43.291,0:09:45.958
who I will trust and who I I won't trust?

0:09:45.958,0:09:47.958
I really don't even know.

0:09:47.958,0:09:49.833
That's a struggle for me.

0:09:49.833,0:09:51.458
Trusting is such a struggle for me.

0:09:51.458,0:09:54.750
I hate it so much because I want to trust people, but

0:09:56.833,0:09:59.083
I really don't honestly trust anybody.

0:09:59.125,0:10:01.125
So.

0:10:01.125,0:10:03.041
I'm learning, though.

0:10:03.083,0:10:05.166
But I'm going to lay my plan.

0:10:05.166,0:10:08.875
I feel like I feel like this when someone

0:10:10.083,0:10:12.458
like, trust is freely given.

0:10:12.500,0:10:16.250
Now, if you do something that

0:10:16.291,0:10:21.750
violates it in any type of way, then it the windows.

0:10:21.750,0:10:23.750
You know what I'm saying?

0:10:23.791,0:10:25.791
That's how I do it.

0:10:25.791,0:10:28.208
And I ain't going

0:10:28.208,0:10:31.666
to judge you for the stuff you you did when you ain't around me.

0:10:33.083,0:10:35.083
You know what I'm saying?

0:10:35.083,0:10:36.708
I can only judge you for what I see, not for what, you

0:10:36.750,0:10:39.500
know what I'm saying, you did or with somebody else.

0:10:39.500,0:10:41.500
That ain't got nothing to do with me.

0:10:41.500,0:10:43.833
I mind my own business.

0:10:43.833,0:10:47.125
I land my plane, my father.

0:10:47.916,0:10:49.416
All right, all right.

0:10:49.416,0:10:52.083
There's my boy Loki for you.

0:10:52.125,0:10:54.125
Like I said, he's that wildc.

0:10:54.125,0:10:55.750
One minute, he'll give you some profound.

0:10:55.791,0:10:58.791
And the next minute, boy be like, Loki, what you talking about?

0:10:58.791,0:11:00.791
Well, you's on point with that one.

0:11:00.791,0:11:02.708
I understand where you're coming from.

0:11:02.750,0:11:04.750
It's like

0:11:04.750,0:11:06.958
I'll answer the question first first.

0:11:07.000,0:11:09.500
Who to trust?

0:11:09.541,0:11:12.958
You trust those who show

0:11:12.958,0:11:15.875
themselves to be trustworthy.

0:11:16.583,0:11:19.125
and nothing else.

0:11:19.166,0:11:22.875
If anyone is around you and

0:11:22.916,0:11:26.250
they give you that ick, trust

0:11:26.250,0:11:29.583
what you feel, first and fore foremost, but if

0:11:29.625,0:11:33.041
they prove themselves time and time again, to be trustworthy

0:11:33.708,0:11:36.708
then you should be able to allow your guard down

0:11:36.708,0:11:40.000
just a little bit to, you know what I'm saying?

0:11:40.000,0:11:42.208
At least allow that particular person to come in.

0:11:42.208,0:11:45.208
As long as they're showing that they're trustworthy, if they show you anything

0:11:45.208,0:11:49.500
different, like they have hidden agendas and you pick up on that,

0:11:49.541,0:11:51.875
then trust that they have a hidden agenda.

0:11:52.166,0:11:54.708
Make no mistake about that piece.

0:11:54.750,0:11:59.000
But if they have shown themselves to be trustworthy, then leave them to be trustworthy.

0:11:59.000,0:12:00.333
Secondly,

0:12:00.375,0:12:05.583
going into some of the things that haven't been spoken

0:12:05.583,0:12:09.333
about thus far, God, as you was talking about, having real people around you.

0:12:09.375,0:12:12.416
That goes back into what I just stated about the trust

0:12:12.583,0:12:16.291
You know, only
trust in the people that show you that they are trustworthy.

0:12:16.791,0:12:20.083
Again, if they show you, if a person paints

0:12:20.083,0:12:22.750
you a picture, don't let them paint you another picture.

0:12:22.791,0:12:24.791
You guys are heard to say it in before, right?

0:12:24.833,0:12:28.291
Believe them when they show you who they are.

0:12:29.166,0:12:32.458
Don't look for second and third, Four of chances

0:12:32.458,0:12:37.375
for a person to try to prove themselves to be something that they're not or

0:12:37.375,0:12:39.625
something that you're expecting them to be.

0:12:39.666,0:12:43.000
Just simply look at things for what they are.

0:12:43.000,0:12:45.000
Do they help you?

0:12:45.000,0:12:46.625
Do they not?

0:12:46.625,0:12:48.625
Are they there for you when you call on them?

0:12:48.666,0:12:51.458
Like you are there for them?

0:12:51.458,0:12:54.458
And if they're not, then

0:12:54.458,0:12:56.833
you need to reevaluate your circle.

0:12:56.875,0:13:02.083
And the people that you call friends, colleagues, you know, business partnersers, whatever the case

0:13:02.583,0:13:05.750
People do ask

0:13:05.750,0:13:09.166
for money all the time, especially when they think you're doing well.

0:13:09.166,0:13:12.208
For me, I

0:13:12.250,0:13:16.083
found myself in a situation where I disappeared in plain sight.

0:13:16.666,0:13:19.708
I found that if I look a

0:13:19.750,0:13:24.291
certain way, people don't ask me for stuff because they don't assume that I have anything.

0:13:24.291,0:13:27.333
But if I dress a different type of way,

0:13:27.333,0:13:29.791
then for whatever reason, I attract

0:13:30.458,0:13:33.125
people to come in to ask me for stuff.

0:13:33.166,0:13:36.375
That was just me personally, because I was going through some things.

0:13:36.416,0:13:38.500
So I wanted to disappear.

0:13:38.500,0:13:41.708
Even when I was out in public, I didn't want to be seen.

0:13:41.750,0:13:45.250
Like I had this pair of sweatpants with hole in it

0:13:45.958,0:13:47.958
paint and stuff.

0:13:47.958,0:13:50.875
And thing that I would do around the house, I would wear these particularly pair of sweatpants.

0:13:50.875,0:13:52.875
I started wearing them out.

0:13:52.875,0:13:55.250
I remember one day going into a store, you know, saying

0:13:55.250,0:13:59.958
to buy shoes and stuff, and then the guy didn't even want to sell me a pair of shoes because of the way that I look.

0:14:00.000,0:14:02.791
And I'm looking at him like, bro, you about to miss out on the commission.

0:14:03.166,0:14:05.166
You know?

0:14:05.166,0:14:07.916
But you attract what you feel is

0:14:07.916,0:14:11.625
basically what I'm getting. going to when I say that.

0:14:11.625,0:14:13.625
So

0:14:14.041,0:14:17.125
your energy, whatever you put out, will also

0:14:17.166,0:14:19.500
attract back that same thing for you.

0:14:19.500,0:14:24.458
So you have to be cautious as to

0:14:25.416,0:14:30.000
who you give your trust to, because everybody's not worthy of that trust.

0:14:30.041,0:14:33.791
And I know a lot of times we like

0:14:33.833,0:14:37.250
to give the benefit of doubt to people.

0:14:37.250,0:14:40.250
You want to look at them and say, you know, saying

0:14:40.250,0:14:44.375
think the best of a person as opposed to thinking the worst of them.

0:14:44.708,0:14:49.625
And for me, I look at it like this right here.

0:14:49.625,0:14:54.000
My trust, I will give it to you to begin with.

0:14:54.000,0:14:58.708
The moment you show me that you are no longer worthy of that trust,

0:14:59.291,0:15:01.791
you can no longer have my trust.

0:15:01.791,0:15:06.791
And it's one of those things that has to be earned back.

0:15:06.833,0:15:11.625
It's not something that I'm just going to freely hand over to you again.

0:15:12.333,0:15:15.333
You know, and that's a two-way street.

0:15:15.333,0:15:18.625
So if I've done nothing to

0:15:18.666,0:15:21.458
you to warrant

0:15:22.666,0:15:26.125
any type of behavior that came my way, and

0:15:26.166,0:15:29.458
then you treated me in a certain type of way, I no longer trust you.

0:15:29.458,0:15:31.458
You can no longer be in my circle.

0:15:31.458,0:15:33.333
My circle is now a dot.

0:15:34.541,0:15:37.625
You know, and it's like, especially

0:15:37.666,0:15:41.125
when it comes to family, friends, business partners,

0:15:41.166,0:15:44.333
you got to have a certain level of trust.

0:15:44.333,0:15:46.333
And

0:15:46.333,0:15:49.708
you know, some people is like always like, oh, it's family first.

0:15:49.750,0:15:51.750
You know what I'm saying?

0:15:51.750,0:15:52.333
Blood is thicker than water.

0:15:52.333,0:15:53.541
They tell you all of these things.

0:15:53.541,0:15:55.875
And me, I've learned that

0:15:57.000,0:16:01.000
While blood may be thicker than water, it

0:16:01.000,0:16:03.541
doesn't also equate to loyalty.

0:16:03.583,0:16:08.000
So for me, it's loyalty first, not family first.

0:16:08.041,0:16:12.000
You can build a circle of people around you

0:16:12.458,0:16:15.458
who are tighter than family.

0:16:15.458,0:16:19.958
And again, it's all about whether or not I can trust you.

0:16:19.958,0:16:22.041
You know, can I trust you in my circle?

0:16:22.083,0:16:24.083
Can I leave you in my house?

0:16:24.083,0:16:26.291
Can I leave you around my person, my wife?

0:16:26.333,0:16:28.333
You know what I'm saying?

0:16:28.333,0:16:29.375
My girl or whatever the case, you know what I'm saying?

0:16:30.041,0:16:35.375
that level of trust is something that you have to build over time.

0:16:35.375,0:16:38.833
It's not something that that's that's,

0:16:38.875,0:16:41.958
like I said, openly handed over, but it's

0:16:42.000,0:16:45.166
just something that you have to just sit down

0:16:45.166,0:16:49.125
and evaluate your circle or re-evaluate your circle

0:16:49.416,0:16:54.375
and see, am I doing more for someone than they are doing for me?

0:16:56.458,0:16:59.750
Are they willing, if I need them, are they always busy?

0:16:59.750,0:17:02.750
They always got something going on.

0:17:02.750,0:17:07.041
Do they even call and check and see if I'm breathing today?

0:17:08.041,0:17:11.249
I mean, not granted, they don't have to call every day,

0:17:11.291,0:17:15.041
but did they call me this week or this month just to check on me?

0:17:15.041,0:17:17.041
Hey, what's up?

0:17:17.041,0:17:18.833
Did you eat today?

0:17:18.833,0:17:19.749
You know what I'm saying?

0:17:19.749,0:17:20.583
What's going on?

0:17:20.583,0:17:21.249
How's your mental?

0:17:21.249,0:17:22.458
Whatever it might be.

0:17:22.916,0:17:25.999
But yeah, so, yeah, trust has to be earned and I'm

0:17:26.041,0:17:28.583
going to go ahead and land my plane for now and we'll come back to it.

0:17:29.041,0:17:30.625
I have a question.

0:17:30.666,0:17:33.041
So what does it look like for you guys?

0:17:33.083,0:17:36.958
What does that look like, like earning somebody's trust?

0:17:38.000,0:17:38.500
It's

0:17:38.500,0:17:38.833
It's

0:17:38.833,0:17:42.291
funny that you said that, because I literally was just about to talk about that.

0:17:42.333,0:17:44.875
Earning someone's trust.

0:17:44.916,0:17:47.000
Because, like,

0:17:47.625,0:17:52.291
even if I look at my last relationship, I

0:17:52.291,0:17:59.291
so many times like, would feel bad,

0:17:59.333,0:18:02.666
you know, if we were like in

0:18:02.666,0:18:05.416
a bad spot or whatever, because I'm like, this is my person

0:18:05.791,0:18:09.541
and we're supposed to be working things out, you know.

0:18:09.583,0:18:13.000
And then for there to be so many chances

0:18:13.000,0:18:16.500
where we could have built

0:18:17.500,0:18:22.750
and like all of those chances were just gone away.

0:18:22.791,0:18:25.833
Like, I just kept forgiving them and kept

0:18:25.833,0:18:28.708
trusting that, oh, it's going to get better.

0:18:28.708,0:18:31.625
Like something in me was like, oh, it's going to get better.

0:18:31.666,0:18:33.666
It's going to get better.

0:18:33.666,0:18:34.750
This time it'll be better.

0:18:34.750,0:18:36.125
This time it'll be different.

0:18:36.125,0:18:37.541
Like, I trust that.

0:18:37.541,0:18:38.750
I believe that

0:18:38.750,0:18:40.166
I have faith in that.

0:18:40.166,0:18:43.458
They're verbally expressing that, but there's

0:18:43.458,0:18:48.583
no actual like plan with doing any of that.

0:18:48.625,0:18:50.875
Like, you know, uncle's talking about the action.

0:18:50.916,0:18:52.916
Like, there's none of that.

0:18:52.916,0:18:54.791
And so, um,

0:18:54.875,0:18:58.708
it's just for

0:18:58.708,0:19:02.458
me, I think Ernie someone's

0:19:02.500,0:19:09.333
trust or trusting in someone continuously and then they like

0:19:09.875,0:19:13.208
use that against you, you know, maybe

0:19:13.250,0:19:16.833
if they're like, like I said, they

0:19:16.833,0:19:21.958
could be, you know, holding something like, oh, you know, yeah, you're right.

0:19:22.000,0:19:25.166
What you said, you know, we're going

0:19:25.166,0:19:27.625
to be better or I'm going to do these things.

0:19:27.625,0:19:30.791
And they, you know, pull on your heartstrings or whatever, because

0:19:30.833,0:19:33.166
they know like these are the things that you expect.

0:19:33.166,0:19:35.416
They know that these are the things that you will like.

0:19:35.416,0:19:37.958
And they know that these are the things that will like

0:19:38.333,0:19:41.375
keep you, you know, close to them.

0:19:41.375,0:19:44.458
Even the whole like

0:19:44.500,0:19:48.750
love bombing, you know, they'll use that, you know, against you.

0:19:48.750,0:19:51.833
And because it all sounds good and it looks good

0:19:51.875,0:19:54.333
on the surface and you open yourself up

0:19:54.750,0:19:57.750
and you trust and believe that all of

0:19:57.750,0:20:01.750
the things that they're saying is actually going to happen.

0:20:01.791,0:20:04.125
And sometimes it does.

0:20:04.125,0:20:08.500
You know, you might look out where you get with somebody and it actually does work out that way.

0:20:08.500,0:20:10.500
But then

0:20:10.500,0:20:12.541
you're in a situation like me, where you put all your trust in

0:20:12.583,0:20:17.250
this individual and time and time again, they keep breaking that trust.

0:20:17.250,0:20:18.666
I. I don't know.
I. I don't know.

0:20:18.666,0:20:20.041
Like, it's just, for me, I think it's

0:20:20.041,0:20:21.875
Like, it's just, for me, I think it's

0:20:21.916,0:20:26.083
just this feeling of like comfort and like,

0:20:27.083,0:20:30.791
I think it's merely based on faith,

0:20:30.791,0:20:34.000
I think, more than anything, that I'm just like

0:20:34.041,0:20:37.458
putting my faith in you that you are going

0:20:37.458,0:20:41.041
to do and be the person that I think that you're going to be.

0:20:41.041,0:20:43.041
And I trust in that.

0:20:43.041,0:20:46.666
Okay, Question to go with that.

0:20:46.708,0:20:48.708
Sorry.

0:20:48.708,0:20:50.875
So have you ever not trusted somebody?

0:20:50.875,0:20:53.958
Okay, let's say they broke your trust as they ever

0:20:54.000,0:20:56.125
earned it back and how did that look like?

0:20:56.833,0:20:59.166
Well.

0:20:59.166,0:21:03.208
Again, I think it was like a faith thing.

0:21:03.250,0:21:06.416
It was more like, because this is the conversation conversation that we're having.

0:21:06.416,0:21:09.750
We're sitting down, we're saying, these are the issues.

0:21:09.791,0:21:13.250
This is what I'm going to do to earn your trust

0:21:13.916,0:21:17.416
I'm I'm vocally telling you what I'm going to do.

0:21:17.458,0:21:19.458
I'm not putting any action into it.

0:21:19.500,0:21:22.666
I'm just actually going to tell you to give you

0:21:22.708,0:21:25.250
some sort of comfort that

0:21:26.125,0:21:30.541
all the stuff that you have an issue with, I'm actually going to do those things.

0:21:30.541,0:21:34.916
And you just like. give in.

0:21:34.916,0:21:37.291
You have faith that is going to work out.

0:21:37.333,0:21:39.958
Now, that doesn't mean you're going to do that with everybody, of course.

0:21:39.958,0:21:42.708
You probably won't do that with the most random people.

0:21:42.750,0:21:44.750
But when your spouse that you're married to

0:21:45.250,0:21:48.041
more than likely you're going to do that.

0:21:48.083,0:21:50.208
You're going to trust in that.

0:21:50.250,0:21:52.250
But

0:21:52.583,0:21:54.666
those be the main ones.

0:21:54.666,0:21:56.666
Just like that.

0:21:56.666,0:21:58.250
Blood is thicker than water.

0:21:58.250,0:21:59.666
I do not trust in that.

0:21:59.666,0:22:04.041
I do not trust in blood is thicker than water because I've had,

0:22:04.041,0:22:08.291
no, not I've had, but I have currently have

0:22:08.708,0:22:12.291
better friends in my life than

0:22:12.333,0:22:15.750
family members that that have friends that I

0:22:15.750,0:22:19.041
call my sister, whereas I have

0:22:20.041,0:22:23.375
actual family, I would never, ever,

0:22:23.416,0:22:28.666
ever, if I don't want to say what I want to say, but

0:22:30.208,0:22:33.666
All I'm going to say is,

0:22:33.666,0:22:38.791
don't come looking for me if you need assistance, because it's just not going to happen.

0:22:38.833,0:22:40.958
It's so funny because I overheard a conversation

0:22:41.875,0:22:44.875
of someone and

0:22:44.875,0:22:49.041
they were talking about their sister and and

0:22:50.666,0:22:54.791
they were like, I love my sister to death.

0:22:54.791,0:22:57.708
I would be there for my sister.

0:22:57.750,0:23:01.250
But my sister ever said they needed a place to say,

0:23:01.291,0:23:04.041
they cannot stay with me.

0:23:04.041,0:23:06.041
And I was like, what?

0:23:06.083,0:23:08.083
oh, really?

0:23:08.083,0:23:10.958
And yeah, they're like, they don't trust them.

0:23:11.000,0:23:13.000
They don't do not trust them.

0:23:13.000,0:23:15.583
That goes against the trust anyway.

0:23:15.625,0:23:19.375
She kind of kind of contradicted herself right there.

0:23:20.333,0:23:22.541
What?

0:23:22.583,0:23:25.666
When she said, um,

0:23:25.708,0:23:30.000
I trust her, but she ain't never going to live over here if she needs her.

0:23:30.000,0:23:32.000
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

0:23:32.000,0:23:32.958
That's not what she said.

0:23:32.958,0:23:34.000
She said, I love

0:23:34.875,0:23:36.875
love.

0:23:36.875,0:23:38.666
Okay.

0:23:38.666,0:23:41.125
Yeah, I love

0:23:41.125,0:23:44.291
her, but I do not trust her.

0:23:44.291,0:23:47.291
That's that's how you even trust.

0:23:48.000,0:23:52.916
So I mean, all I can say is.

0:23:52.916,0:23:55.000
Can you love someone and not trust him?

0:23:55.041,0:23:57.375
Do you think he's in love someone and not trust him?

0:23:57.375,0:23:59.375
I feel like this.

0:23:59.375,0:24:02.125
I feel like this is the only way I feel.

0:24:02.708,0:24:06.125
I trust everybody.

0:24:06.125,0:24:08.125
You know what I'm saying?

0:24:08.125,0:24:10.250
To be them safe.

0:24:10.291,0:24:12.791
That's all I want.

0:24:12.791,0:24:14.791
You know what I'm saying?

0:24:14.791,0:24:16.625
If you be yourself.

0:24:17.250,0:24:17.916
Just.

0:24:17.916,0:24:19.750
Then I can make my choice.
Then I can make my choice.

0:24:21.333,0:24:23.875
Give me a chance to choose.

0:24:23.916,0:24:25.916
Be yourself.

0:24:27.833,0:24:29.833
That's all I can say.

0:24:29.833,0:24:32.541
The problem with that, Lope,

0:24:32.583,0:24:35.583
is that most people are not going to be themselves.

0:24:35.583,0:24:39.708
They're going to give you an

0:24:39.708,0:24:42.625
idea they're going to give you an idea.

0:24:42.625,0:24:45.708
They're going to give you, they're going to mirror back to you

0:24:45.750,0:24:48.958
what you told them that they were looking for.

0:24:49.000,0:24:51.000
They're not going to be themselves

0:24:51.000,0:24:52.916
Most people.

0:24:52.916,0:24:53.875
You know what I'm saying?

0:24:53.875,0:24:56.083
They're going to deceive you in

0:24:56.083,0:24:59.958
every way they can to make you think that they are that one.

0:25:00.000,0:25:02.000
You know what I'm saying?

0:25:02.000,0:25:05.500
And I don't mean to step on any toes in anything at this point right now.

0:25:05.500,0:25:07.500
But I was just sitting here, you know what I'm saying?

0:25:07.500,0:25:09.083
I'm looking at the question like

0:25:09.083,0:25:12.041
um, how

0:25:12.041,0:25:15.208
do people prove themselves after they've broken trust?

0:25:16.833,0:25:20.291
You know, you have to think about it from not

0:25:20.333,0:25:23.333
just one perspective, but from both perspectives, right?

0:25:23.333,0:25:27.625
It's like on one hand, you have someone, if they

0:25:28.541,0:25:31.958
on one hand, you have someone who's being open and honest.

0:25:31.958,0:25:34.208
And then on the other hand, you have someone who's being deceptive.

0:25:34.208,0:25:35.000
And then on the other hand, you have someone who's being deceptive.

0:25:35.041,0:25:37.791
In whatever way, shape, form, fashion, that was.

0:25:37.791,0:25:39.791
All right?

0:25:39.791,0:25:41.041
So now you're asking this person

0:25:41.791,0:25:45.916
who trusted you from the very beginning to

0:25:45.958,0:25:50.958
give you another opportunity to prove you yourself to be trustworthy.

0:25:52.166,0:25:55.666
Now, I don't know how you

0:25:55.708,0:25:59.333
look at it, but that is a tough

0:25:59.375,0:26:01.625
ask of anyone.

0:26:01.666,0:26:05.625
Hey, I know I broke your trust, but you can trust me this time.

0:26:05.625,0:26:07.625
That's how it comes across.

0:26:07.625,0:26:11.833
But
You're asking someone to

0:26:11.833,0:26:15.250
give you a second opportunity to

0:26:15.250,0:26:18.541
earn back a trust that that you openly gave them.

0:26:19.875,0:26:23.625
They kind of see how you're going to behave at this particular point.

0:26:23.666,0:26:26.666
So it's a little bit easier to, I don't want to

0:26:26.666,0:26:29.750
call it a manipulation tactic, but it's easier for them

0:26:29.791,0:26:33.250
to read you and understand where a certain boundary is.

0:26:33.250,0:26:36.750
So now they will not play on that particular side of the fence

0:26:37.208,0:26:43.416
So it's kind of hard to build that trust.

0:26:43.458,0:26:46.541
I'm not saying that it cannot happen, and I'm not saying that it should be

0:26:46.583,0:26:49.791
something that if you are in that predicament

0:26:49.833,0:26:54.375
where you're trying to earn somebody's trust back, and I'm not saying that you should ever kiss anybody's ass.

0:26:54.375,0:26:56.375
That's not what I am saying.

0:26:56.375,0:26:59.208
To earn trust back in in

0:26:59.250,0:27:03.791
my opinion, it would take actions,

0:27:03.791,0:27:07.500
do your words and your actions align.

0:27:07.500,0:27:10.166
If your words and your actions do not align

0:27:11.166,0:27:14.666
then you are giving me more reasons to believe that

0:27:14.708,0:27:17.458
what you are telling me is not truthful.

0:27:17.458,0:27:19.458
So

0:27:20.125,0:27:25.125
you're not really earning my trust if you tell me one thing and then do something different.

0:27:25.166,0:27:27.166
You're not earning my trust.

0:27:27.166,0:27:30.333
You're just showing me that you cannot be trusted.

0:27:30.375,0:27:33.125
And I'm seeing that and I would actually

0:27:34.208,0:27:36.208
you know, saying move accordingly.

0:27:36.208,0:27:37.916
This is me personally.

0:27:37.916,0:27:41.500
Again, it's actions, not words.

0:27:41.541,0:27:44.291
Do your actions in align?

0:27:44.291,0:27:48.666
The most important takeaway from that is to trust what you see.

0:27:49.166,0:27:52.166
You know, your eyes do not allow your eyes

0:27:52.166,0:27:54.250
to deceive you.

0:27:54.250,0:27:57.250
Going back to something that Arya

0:27:57.250,0:27:59.750
was speaking on as well, is like

0:28:01.458,0:28:04.458
when people tell you, you know, I'm saying,

0:28:04.458,0:28:07.750
the things that you want to hear, or they hook

0:28:07.750,0:28:11.583
you, they get you with that hook.

0:28:11.583,0:28:13.583
Let's just call it what it is.

0:28:13.583,0:28:14.791
They get you with the hook.

0:28:14.791,0:28:16.791
And that hook is whatever emotional

0:28:17.291,0:28:20.625
string that I can pull on that says,

0:28:20.666,0:28:24.666
hey, look, remember that time that I was here for you when this happened?

0:28:24.666,0:28:27.666
That one thing that I did a long time ago, but

0:28:27.666,0:28:30.958
when I'm we keep bringing it up just to remind you that I was there that time for you when

0:28:30.958,0:28:33.583
you when you needed me and nobody else was there

0:28:34.083,0:28:37.583
that's that emotional hook that I'm going to keep pulling on because

0:28:37.625,0:28:41.333
every time you feel like you're ready

0:28:41.375,0:28:44.041
to walk away from me, I'm gonna pull that string.

0:28:44.041,0:28:46.041
You got to come on back.

0:28:46.041,0:28:47.625
I'm not ready for you to leave yet.

0:28:48.125,0:28:51.291
So, you know, you have to

0:28:51.333,0:28:54.208
be able to see things for what they are.

0:28:54.208,0:28:56.875
And if that's happening,

0:28:58.166,0:29:02.541
the song that comes to my mind right now is Janet Jackson.

0:29:02.541,0:29:04.541
You know what I'm saying?

0:29:04.541,0:29:05.250
It's a throwback.

0:29:05.250,0:29:06.541
What have you done for me lately, right?

0:29:06.541,0:29:08.541
You know what I'm saying?

0:29:08.541,0:29:10.416
People are quick to tell you what they've done,

0:29:11.166,0:29:14.208
but can see you drowning and not

0:29:14.250,0:29:19.500
throw you, you know what I'm saying, afloat or anything, not throw that lifeline in.

0:29:19.500,0:29:21.500
They won't come in.

0:29:21.500,0:29:24.416
Oh, you know, I thought about doing X, Y, Z. You know what I'm saying?

0:29:24.416,0:29:28.125
Anytime somebody tell me they thought about doing something for me, especially like

0:29:28.500,0:29:32.375
it's like your thought didn't do anything for me.

0:29:32.416,0:29:37.125
You telling me about your thought didn't do anything for me.

0:29:38.416,0:29:41.041
I thought about coming to get you when it was raining outside.

0:29:41.041,0:29:43.041
Man, I so appreciate it.

0:29:43.041,0:29:45.958
I didn't get hit by now, one of those rains just'cause you thought about that shit.

0:29:45.958,0:29:47.958
Fuck you.

0:29:47.958,0:29:49.750
You didn't come and you knew what I was out there.

0:29:50.583,0:29:53.791
It's the actions, not the words.

0:29:53.833,0:29:57.666
Focus on what's being done, not what's being said.

0:29:57.666,0:29:59.666
Learn to see.

0:30:00.333,0:30:02.333
with your ears.

0:30:02.333,0:30:04.250
Excuse me.

0:30:04.250,0:30:05.250
Lear to You know what I'm saying?

0:30:05.250,0:30:06.583
Here with your eyes.

0:30:06.583,0:30:07.375
There you go.

0:30:07.375,0:30:07.958
Here with your eyes, see what your ears.

0:30:07.958,0:30:09.583
You know what I'm saying?

0:30:09.583,0:30:11.125
I want to see the shit that you say.

0:30:11.125,0:30:13.000
Don't tell it to me.

0:30:13.291,0:30:16.791
You know, um And that brings me back.

0:30:16.833,0:30:19.833
I don't know if I brought it up with this particular crew or with

0:30:19.833,0:30:23.041
the other crew, but it brings me back to one of

0:30:23.041,0:30:26.791
these little things, little videos that I saw, I think it was on YouTube

0:30:27.916,0:30:31.791
where this young kid and he couldn't have been no more than 1617.

0:30:31.833,0:30:36.666
You hear somebody in the background and they were saying, hey, what's the word for today?

0:30:36.666,0:30:40.250
And the little kids says, the word for today is,

0:30:40.291,0:30:43.916
women like what they hear, men like what they see.

0:30:44.291,0:30:48.416
That's why women wear makeup and men tell lives.

0:30:48.416,0:30:50.875
Let that sink in.

0:30:50.916,0:30:52.916
Land in my plane there.

0:30:54.416,0:30:56.833
Um, for me,
Um, for me,

0:30:58.125,0:31:01.291
I feel like I usually go into

0:31:01.333,0:31:04.500
any type of relationship.

0:31:04.500,0:31:07.583
I know I gotta heal with this and

0:31:07.625,0:31:10.666
I've been working on it, but I kind of go into every relationship

0:31:11.708,0:31:13.708
not really.

0:31:13.708,0:31:15.583
Yeah, like I trust you, but I still kind of have like

0:31:15.625,0:31:19.041
a like a warning sign

0:31:19.041,0:31:22.625
just to like be careful because I feel like I've gotten

0:31:22.625,0:31:27.333
hurt so many times over and over and over and over again that

0:31:27.958,0:31:31.250
it's like, I've got to be careful, you know?

0:31:31.250,0:31:34.125
So for me, it's like, I want you to

0:31:35.875,0:31:38.875
the new thing that I'm tell people

0:31:38.875,0:31:42.208
is like, yeah, you tell me these words, you tell me these words, you tell

0:31:42.250,0:31:45.166
me these words, but I want to see it in action.

0:31:45.166,0:31:49.708
Like, I want to see what you're actually going to do, not what you say.

0:31:51.125,0:31:54.208
So it's like, I mean,

0:31:54.250,0:31:56.916
I don't know, I just feel like

0:32:01.375,0:32:06.375
It comes to the question I was also going to ask, like, what causes?

0:32:06.416,0:32:08.416
Or I wrote it down.

0:32:09.500,0:32:13.250
So,

0:32:13.250,0:32:19.125
like, for me, have I ever broken somebody's trust and how did I rebuild it?

0:32:19.125,0:32:23.958
So when I was younger, of course, like, we've all done this with our parents.

0:32:24.625,0:32:27.625
You know, we've said we

0:32:27.625,0:32:31.208
would be home by some time and we ended up not being

0:32:31.208,0:32:34.083
home until five hours later.

0:32:34.083,0:32:37.291
And, you know, I've broken class with my parents.

0:32:37.333,0:32:42.291
So like for me, that was one of the scenarios is like, that I thought about is

0:32:43.125,0:32:46.333
for me, I was like, well, I'm old enough.

0:32:46.375,0:32:48.500
Like, why can I come home when I wanted to?

0:32:48.541,0:32:50.791
But I also broke trust with them.

0:32:50.833,0:32:54.000
And I remember they were like, the way you're going to build it back

0:32:54.000,0:32:57.625
is by doing what we tell you to do because you

0:32:57.666,0:32:59.666
still live under our roof, you know.

0:32:59.708,0:33:01.708
That was one of the waves.

0:33:02.000,0:33:05.875
And I don't know, because with

0:33:05.875,0:33:10.708
relationships that I've had, it's been always hard for me to trust anybody.

0:33:10.750,0:33:13.750
So I don't really open up until we're like good in

0:33:13.750,0:33:16.250
like a year or two.

0:33:16.250,0:33:18.250
Like I've always kind of

0:33:18.250,0:33:21.083
had a just like

0:33:21.125,0:33:23.791
a warning sign with all my relationships.

0:33:23.833,0:33:26.875
I want to make sure that, you

0:33:26.875,0:33:30.291
know, if we fight, you're not going to use my pass against me.

0:33:30.291,0:33:35.208
I want to make sure that you're trustworthy of everything I tell you.

0:33:35.208,0:33:37.208
Because, you know

0:33:37.208,0:33:40.416
I've had it where that was all broken.

0:33:42.666,0:33:45.125
Yeah, so I have my plan on that.

0:33:45.125,0:33:47.125
That's all I have for that.

0:33:47.125,0:33:49.666
But

0:33:51.791,0:33:54.208
Do you think people, okay, this is another question.

0:33:54.208,0:33:55.625
Do you think people, okay, this is another question.

0:33:55.625,0:33:58.791
Do you guys think people with questions issues
Do you guys think people with questions issues

0:33:58.791,0:34:02.416
tend to sabotage in good relationships?

0:34:03.416,0:34:05.416
I'm going to let you guys answer that.

0:34:05.416,0:34:08.749
You say work relationships or just relationships?

0:34:08.749,0:34:10.749
Just relationships.

0:34:10.749,0:34:13.041
Like sabotaging good relationships.

0:34:13.083,0:34:15.291
Defining good relationships.

0:34:15.291,0:34:17.291
Yeah.

0:34:17.291,0:34:20.624
I would say I haven't technically

0:34:20.624,0:34:24.458
sabotaged good relationships, but I

0:34:24.499,0:34:28.458
definitely can in a sense.

0:34:28.458,0:34:31.749
Like I can like go down that route

0:34:32.333,0:34:36.041
because I'm

0:34:36.083,0:34:39.833
just a person that's like, I'm looking for you.

0:34:39.833,0:34:43.999
I have higher expectations, I guess, than the average Joe. I'm sorry.

0:34:44.041,0:34:47.083
But like, I'm used to like, when I say

0:34:47.124,0:34:49.374
I'm going to do something, I do it.

0:34:49.374,0:34:51.374
If I say

0:34:51.374,0:34:54.041
you know, whatever, we're,

0:34:54.083,0:34:57.500
even my friends sometimes they'll like want to go downtown

0:34:57.500,0:35:01.125
or go dancing or go whatever, late

0:35:01.125,0:35:05.500
at night and they want to leave at like be there at like 9, 10 o'clock.

0:35:05.541,0:35:09.041
And I'm just like, oh my God, I don't want to do that.

0:35:09.083,0:35:12.250
You know, or it might sound fun like

0:35:12.541,0:35:14.541
three weeks ago.

0:35:14.541,0:35:17.541
And now that the day has actually come,

0:35:17.583,0:35:19.791
I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to do that.

0:35:19.791,0:35:22.833
And although I don't want to

0:35:22.875,0:35:26.333
do it, I'll still end up going because

0:35:27.083,0:35:29.291
I said that I would.

0:35:29.291,0:35:32.375
I mean, within reason, of course.,

0:35:32.416,0:35:35.625
if I'm like sick or something like that, I'm having like

0:35:35.625,0:35:38.500
a flare up from, you know, my UC or something

0:35:39.375,0:35:42.375
or, you know, girl time

0:35:42.375,0:35:45.791
or whatever happens there, then, you know, it things

0:35:45.791,0:35:49.125
that medically take me out or like make me unable

0:35:49.125,0:35:52.541
to do something, then that is one reason why I won't do that.

0:35:52.583,0:35:55.458
Or if there's like another true emergency outside of medical

0:35:56.208,0:35:59.250
But other than that, me just being like, oh,

0:35:59.291,0:36:02.625
I'm tired or I'm being lazy and I don't feel like doing anything

0:36:02.625,0:36:04.750
and I want to bomb out or whatever.

0:36:04.791,0:36:08.500
Like I will legitimately just go,

0:36:08.541,0:36:13.625
you know, because I made that commitment and I want them to be able to trust

0:36:13.916,0:36:16.916
that the things that I say I'm actually going to do.

0:36:16.916,0:36:20.875
And it sucks because I don't get the same thing back.

0:36:20.875,0:36:24.875
Like I have the same expectations on other people that I do for me.

0:36:24.916,0:36:26.916
I'm like, if you

0:36:27.625,0:36:30.666
you know, if we say we're going to do something and then you

0:36:30.666,0:36:34.375
just automatically don't show up, you don't contact me, you don't say anything.

0:36:34.375,0:36:38.250
And I'm like, okay.

0:36:38.291,0:36:42.666
Now I don't trust that you're going to, you know, keep your word and do something

0:36:43.500,0:36:47.000
you know, or if you, tell

0:36:47.041,0:36:50.333
me that you're coming over and then you don't come over, if you tell

0:36:50.333,0:36:53.916
me that you're going to meet me somewhere and then I get there and

0:36:53.958,0:36:56.625
then you're like, oh, I'm so sorry, but I can't come.

0:36:56.625,0:36:58.625
Then I'm like,

0:36:59.708,0:37:01.708
You couldn't tell me ahead of time?

0:37:01.708,0:37:06.333
Now I don't trust you, because you have me out here in the boomies somewhere by myself.

0:37:06.375,0:37:08.375
And, you know.

0:37:08.375,0:37:11.208
And so I, those type of things

0:37:11.875,0:37:14.916
make me bring

0:37:14.958,0:37:19.666
it into the next relationship or bring it into the next friendship.

0:37:19.666,0:37:23.791
And it can be self-sabotaging,

0:37:23.833,0:37:27.000
but like, I feel like because of my personality

0:37:27.000,0:37:30.291
that I tend to get more grace

0:37:30.625,0:37:34.791
in that department or whatever.

0:37:34.791,0:37:39.291
But I

0:37:39.291,0:37:42.583
think if I carried on with the way that I believe

0:37:42.625,0:37:46.458
or the way that I think, eventually it would get old.

0:37:46.875,0:37:50.166
And that for sure would be 1,000%

0:37:50.166,0:37:52.666
self-sabotaging.

0:37:54.541,0:37:57.416
And I'll land my plane there.

0:37:59.250,0:38:00.000
All right.

0:38:00.000,0:38:01.791
So we were talking about.

0:38:03.208,0:38:08.333
contin trust issues, sabotage a relationship?

0:38:08.375,0:38:12.000
Yeah, absolutely.

0:38:12.041,0:38:14.916
They can sabotage a relationship.

0:38:15.666,0:38:18.750
Be honest with you, you know what I'm saying?

0:38:18.791,0:38:22.000
Depending on which side you've actually been on with the trust issues,

0:38:22.041,0:38:24.125
that shit is exhausting.

0:38:24.166,0:38:26.416
It's like...

0:38:27.791,0:38:30.958
Especially when you know and

0:38:31.000,0:38:34.291
you stand firm on, I have not done anything wrong, and you

0:38:34.291,0:38:36.958
absolutely have not done anything wrong.

0:38:37.000,0:38:40.625
And it's the conring, the constant checking

0:38:43.041,0:38:45.666
you know, what's going on.

0:38:45.666,0:38:47.666
Why is this different?

0:38:47.666,0:38:48.833
Why are you moving different?

0:38:48.833,0:38:49.916
Why are you doing this?

0:38:49.916,0:38:50.750
Why are you doing that?

0:38:50.750,0:38:51.583
Who is this?

0:38:51.583,0:38:52.083
You know, what I'm saying?

0:38:52.083,0:38:52.916
All those questions that come along with it.

0:38:52.958,0:38:54.958
And

0:38:57.041,0:38:59.041
That shit is annoying.

0:38:59.041,0:39:01.208
I'm just going to be honest with you.

0:39:01.208,0:39:06.291
It's like, I have been in relationships in the past where I literally have placed

0:39:07.125,0:39:10.958
taking this woman's fingerprint and put it in my phone.

0:39:10.958,0:39:13.416
Go through it anytime you want to.

0:39:15.166,0:39:17.375
You got the code to the glove box.

0:39:17.375,0:39:21.250
You got the code to the gun safe.

0:39:21.250,0:39:23.750
It's like you have ever.

0:39:23.791,0:39:25.791
Everything?

0:39:25.791,0:39:26.666
Everything.

0:39:27.500,0:39:31.916
And yet you still have issues.

0:39:31.958,0:39:35.166
That is something that is internal,

0:39:35.166,0:39:37.541
that is not something that I can fix.

0:39:37.583,0:39:42.166
You know, it's like, I've given you the keys to the kingdom.

0:39:42.208,0:39:44.875
You are free to roam about however you want

0:39:45.750,0:39:47.875
And yet you still do not trust me.

0:39:47.916,0:39:52.083
That's not something I can fix.

0:39:52.125,0:39:56.416
It's also something that I'm not going to continue to tolerate.

0:39:56.416,0:39:58.416
You know?

0:39:58.416,0:40:01.333
So it's like, hey, look, I don't know what I need to do.

0:40:01.333,0:40:03.333
The first thing is to learn to communicate

0:40:03.625,0:40:07.500
because clearly,

0:40:07.541,0:40:13.833
it's an internal problem, concerns, with that person.

0:40:13.833,0:40:16.166
And it's something that they have to fix.

0:40:16.166,0:40:19.166
It's not something that you can fix for them.

0:40:19.583,0:40:26.708
So you have to be able to sit back and analyze that situation.

0:40:26.708,0:40:30.583
Is this something that I am willing to continue to put up with?

0:40:30.625,0:40:33.125
Is it something that I feel like I can

0:40:33.750,0:40:35.750
help them overcome?

0:40:35.750,0:40:38.708
Or do you feel like it's

0:40:38.708,0:40:41.791
just so deeply rooted that no

0:40:41.833,0:40:46.125
matter what you do, no matter what you say, they're never going to believe you.

0:40:46.875,0:40:50.208
And if you feel that it's

0:40:50.250,0:40:56.333
the latter, then you have to ask yourself, why?

0:40:58.291,0:41:00.375
Why am I putting myself through this?

0:41:00.375,0:41:02.375
Why am I not loving myself?

0:41:02.375,0:41:07.416
Why am I willing to give this person more of my love than I am willing to give myself?

0:41:08.666,0:41:12.166
you know, so you

0:41:12.208,0:41:16.750
to choose you have to come to that point where you choose you.

0:41:16.750,0:41:20.333
What that point is, I cannot tell you.

0:41:20.375,0:41:22.375
Only you know where that point is.

0:41:22.875,0:41:25.916
If you feel like that relationship is something

0:41:25.958,0:41:30.541
worth pursuing and that it actually was

0:41:30.583,0:41:33.208
a good relationship and you realize that

0:41:34.208,0:41:37.375
it's my trust issues that I can

0:41:37.416,0:41:43.291
overcome, then continue to push forward, but be open with your partner.

0:41:44.500,0:41:48.375
If you're only receiving end of that, and

0:41:48.375,0:41:51.875
you realize that no matter what I do, this person is

0:41:51.916,0:41:55.208
never going to trust me, and I know I'm not doing anything.

0:41:56.166,0:41:59.791
then you have to draw that line in the sand,

0:41:59.833,0:42:05.458
establish that boundary, and choose self, the land in my plane.

0:42:12.750,0:42:17.708
I don't remember answering this question, but I'll go ahead and answer again.

0:42:17.708,0:42:22.208
Have I sabotaged any relationships?

0:42:23.375,0:42:29.166
I think I've gotten to the point.

0:42:29.166,0:42:33.125
I almost have, but never really, like,

0:42:34.666,0:42:36.666
done it.

0:42:36.666,0:42:38.750
I think that

0:42:38.791,0:42:43.166
also, um, for me, like,

0:42:43.166,0:42:45.541
like I said before, actions show

0:42:46.458,0:42:52.000
like what you do and what you what you say is like ir 11 to me.

0:42:52.041,0:42:54.916
I I want to see like what you'll do.

0:42:56.625,0:43:01.625
So I don't think I've ever like sotragged at any relationships.

0:43:03.666,0:43:05.666
Yeah.

0:43:07.458,0:43:12.375
Why are you guys talking at me like that?

0:43:15.625,0:43:18.250
Why are you guys working at?

0:43:18.250,0:43:22.250
Because we real and authentic, so you know one of us about to call Cal on your ass.

0:43:22.291,0:43:25.583
No, You act like you know me, Unc.

0:43:25.583,0:43:27.583
Right.

0:43:27.583,0:43:29.291
But no, I think we've all been in a situation

0:43:29.291,0:43:34.208
at some point where we have all sabotaged a relationship in some sort

0:43:34.833,0:43:37.916
some fashion, whether we want it to, whether

0:43:37.958,0:43:41.541
we did it advertently or inadvertently.

0:43:41.541,0:43:44.583
You know, we've been in a point where

0:43:45.625,0:43:47.625
you got that urge.

0:43:47.666,0:43:49.666
I need to go through this phone.

0:43:49.666,0:43:50.916
You got that urgege.

0:43:50.916,0:43:53.458
I don't trust where you say you at.

0:43:53.500,0:43:55.500
So let me show up.

0:43:55.500,0:43:58.291
Is that self-sabotaging, though?

0:43:58.291,0:44:01.291
Or is that sabotaging the relationship?

0:44:01.291,0:44:04.375
It's definitely not trusting the person

0:44:04.750,0:44:06.750
Oh, yeah, for sure.

0:44:06.750,0:44:07.708
No, I've done that.

0:44:07.708,0:44:08.666
I'm not.

0:44:08.666,0:44:09.750
Yeah.

0:44:09.750,0:44:11.333
But sabotaging, like, I, because

0:44:11.375,0:44:14.708
I think what she was talking about at first was like, you're taking other

0:44:14.708,0:44:21.000
relationships that you've had issues with trusting and you're

0:44:21.041,0:44:23.375
bringing that into the new relationship.

0:44:23.375,0:44:27.125
Wouldn't that be on same topic of what I was just discussing

0:44:27.500,0:44:30.541
Well, I was thinking like you felt

0:44:30.583,0:44:33.875
like they were actually doing it based off of something that they did.

0:44:33.875,0:44:36.000
Like, you know.

0:44:36.041,0:44:38.041
Right.

0:44:38.041,0:44:38.583
Or they're just out.

0:44:38.583,0:44:40.666
And they normally don't go out, but they decided to take

0:44:40.666,0:44:45.375
a night out with the boys because you were getting on their fucking nerves so they needed a break, right?

0:44:45.375,0:44:48.666
So because they're doing something different,

0:44:48.666,0:44:51.958
you don't trust that that they are where they say they are

0:44:52.333,0:44:55.375
It's not because in that

0:44:55.416,0:44:59.833
trust or that lack of trust, that distrust comes

0:44:59.833,0:45:03.333
from previous relationships, something somebody else has done.

0:45:03.375,0:45:05.833
And now this person is mirroring

0:45:06.458,0:45:09.541
something similar of what

0:45:09.583,0:45:12.500
happened in the past and you know what happened in the past.

0:45:12.500,0:45:17.416
So now you instinctively start to act on that.

0:45:17.416,0:45:21.708
So now I'm going through your phone and now I'm popping up on you.

0:45:21.750,0:45:25.041
That is a That's a form of sabotage

0:45:25.583,0:45:28.791
You know, it's like, because you're

0:45:28.833,0:45:32.791
not giving that person that level of trust that a possibly.

0:45:32.791,0:45:37.625
I'm not saying that everybody does, but some people do deserve that level of trust.

0:45:37.666,0:45:42.333
If I've given you no reason to not trust me, then there is no reason to not trust me.

0:45:42.916,0:45:47.083
Other than the fact that you're carrying some type of lack

0:45:47.125,0:45:52.875
of better word term baggage from a previous relationship.

0:45:52.875,0:45:54.875
Just saying the real.

0:45:54.875,0:45:58.375
So, yeah, that is a form of sabotage

0:45:58.958,0:46:02.708
So I feel like everyone at some point in

0:46:02.708,0:46:06.833
a relationship has done some of these things, landing my plane.

0:46:06.875,0:46:09.958
So have you guys ever been in a spot

0:46:10.000,0:46:13.333
where it's been the other person like telling you,

0:46:13.333,0:46:15.666
oh, you're doing this, you're doing this, you're doing this.

0:46:15.666,0:46:17.666
You're doing this.

0:46:17.666,0:46:23.625
Like doing what?

0:46:25.333,0:46:27.333
Like, the negative thing?

0:46:27.333,0:46:29.250
Like, they're doing something bad?

0:46:29.291,0:46:32.083
Yeah, like thinking, like, oh, you're talking to this guy.

0:46:32.125,0:46:35.625
You're flirting with this guy or girl, you're doing that.

0:46:35.666,0:46:37.666
And you're like, no, I'm not.

0:46:37.666,0:46:39.416
I'm not doing that.

0:46:39.416,0:46:40.833
No, I'm not.

0:46:40.833,0:46:41.750
I'm not doing that.

0:46:42.041,0:46:45.083
Because I feel like.

0:46:45.083,0:46:47.833
Like.

0:46:49.708,0:46:52.750
men that I

0:46:52.750,0:46:56.083
have dated think that

0:46:56.125,0:47:00.166
I'm over here, like, I never used to be like this.

0:47:03.333,0:47:06.416
Because for me, every time, like,

0:47:06.458,0:47:09.875
a man would give me attention, I'd be like, hell yeah.

0:47:09.875,0:47:14.000
Like, I'm gonna, you know, like, I was boy crazy.

0:47:15.333,0:47:18.375
But in the last, after

0:47:18.375,0:47:21.583
my divorce, I have really told

0:47:21.625,0:47:23.833
myself that I'm not gonna be that way.

0:47:23.833,0:47:27.833
And especially being on TikTok, I do get that kind of attention

0:47:28.833,0:47:31.833
And I feel like I know a

0:47:31.833,0:47:35.583
lot of men think that I'm over here messaging every single one of them.

0:47:35.625,0:47:38.375
I've turned down so many of them.

0:47:38.375,0:47:40.375
I don't talk to them all the time.

0:47:40.375,0:47:42.291
Yes, I'm not going to lie.

0:47:42.291,0:47:43.708
I've been a corporate talking to a few

0:47:44.083,0:47:47.125
like that, but it's mean.

0:47:47.125,0:47:50.625
But I have learned my lesson and

0:47:50.666,0:47:54.083
I don't be talking to every single person, you know?

0:47:54.083,0:47:57.958
And I feel like I have gotten blamed

0:47:58.583,0:48:02.000
for, oh, yeah, you you're talking to this person.

0:48:02.000,0:48:04.000
Oh, yeah, you're doing this.

0:48:04.000,0:48:05.291
Oh, yeah, you're doing that.

0:48:05.291,0:48:08.041
And it's exhausting sometimes.

0:48:08.083,0:48:11.000
I just want to be like, yep, I am.

0:48:11.000,0:48:13.000
Yep, I am.

0:48:13.000,0:48:15.833
Like, even though I'm really not, you know?

0:48:16.166,0:48:19.500
So, I mean, I don't know.

0:48:19.541,0:48:21.541
I don't know.

0:48:21.541,0:48:22.708
What do you guys think?

0:48:22.833,0:48:25.333
So I think, um.

0:48:25.375,0:48:28.583
I can remember

0:48:28.625,0:48:32.875
a slight or I had a slight, I guess.

0:48:33.916,0:48:37.083
non-rusting issue on my behalf

0:48:37.083,0:48:40.666
where like, I was talking to the

0:48:40.708,0:48:43.916
teacher at the school and

0:48:45.000,0:48:48.416
basically, like, it

0:48:48.416,0:48:52.791
was like an innocent thing or whatever, but

0:48:54.250,0:48:59.041
it turned into something deep deeper because the

0:49:01.791,0:49:04.875
the like girlfriend or whatever like that, she made it deeper

0:49:04.916,0:49:07.416
than what it actually was.

0:49:07.458,0:49:13.541
And she contacted an exomine and I thought it was funny.

0:49:13.583,0:49:17.625
I was like, how did she find me and contact the exomine

0:49:18.250,0:49:21.833
And I was like, this girl is freaking crazy.

0:49:21.833,0:49:24.208
So I was like, okay.

0:49:24.250,0:49:27.416
So I told my, I told my then

0:49:27.416,0:49:30.708
husband about it and he was like, oh,

0:49:30.708,0:49:35.625
well, maybe you shouldn't talk to them anymore because apparently they have

0:49:35.958,0:49:40.250
a crazy girlfriend or whatever.

0:49:40.250,0:49:43.291
And I was like, yeah, I'm just going to, you know, leave

0:49:43.333,0:49:46.000
that alone or leave him alone or whatever.

0:49:46.041,0:49:48.041
But then

0:49:48.083,0:49:51.916
I guess after sitting on it or something,

0:49:51.916,0:49:56.750
then he was like feeling like I did something with it, that teacher.

0:49:56.750,0:49:59.791
He was like, wait, like, why why all of

0:49:59.833,0:50:03.041
a sudden, you know, this girl is whatever against

0:50:03.083,0:50:05.958
you or like, what did you say exactly?

0:50:05.958,0:50:07.958
Or what did you do exactly?

0:50:07.958,0:50:09.875
And I'm like,

0:50:09.875,0:50:12.833
I freaking do anything like worthy

0:50:12.833,0:50:15.750
of this, whatever.

0:50:15.791,0:50:19.916
And he was like, his girlfriend or the

0:50:19.916,0:50:23.625
other teacher or whatever was like, oh, well,

0:50:23.666,0:50:26.125
she's jealous of anyone

0:50:26.583,0:50:29.666
that he comes in contact with.

0:50:29.708,0:50:32.791
And so she didn't have problems at first

0:50:32.833,0:50:37.083
because all of the teachers at the school were like old

0:50:38.041,0:50:43.916
or I don't want to call them old, but they were but they were like older.

0:50:43.916,0:50:48.041
So now that you got the new teacher in the school,

0:50:48.083,0:50:50.458
she's younger.

0:50:50.458,0:50:52.458
And so

0:50:52.458,0:50:55.083
everyone hanging out together now it's

0:50:55.083,0:51:00.625
a problem because this younger person is now in the mix.

0:51:00.666,0:51:03.958
And so we all exchanged

0:51:03.958,0:51:08.250
numbers with each other and we all talk to each other, you know.

0:51:08.958,0:51:12.250
And she just,

0:51:12.250,0:51:15.750
me specifically, she didn't

0:51:15.791,0:51:19.291
want me talking to him because she's like, oh, well, she's.

0:51:19.333,0:51:22.541
And even when he was like, oh, well, she's got a husband.

0:51:22.583,0:51:25.791
And, you know, she's, he's like, she, she didn't care

0:51:26.166,0:51:29.791
that absolutely meant nothing to her.

0:51:29.833,0:51:33.541
And then he was like, oh, well, she's from Jersey or whatever.

0:51:33.541,0:51:35.541
I was like, I don't care where she from.

0:51:35.541,0:51:38.541
Like, she better not come to to me crazy.

0:51:38.583,0:51:40.583
I know that much.

0:51:40.583,0:51:42.458
So like, it was just always awkward at like

0:51:42.500,0:51:46.666
gatherings and stuff because she's just always had her eye out on me.

0:51:46.708,0:51:48.708
And I'm just like

0:51:48.708,0:51:50.791
I don't want your man.

0:51:50.833,0:51:53.833
But needless to say, that

0:51:53.833,0:51:57.791
situation was something that made my ex

0:51:57.791,0:52:01.250
wonder like, hmm, did you do something or did you say something something?

0:52:01.250,0:52:04.416
And I'm like, no, I just came in looking young, apparently.

0:52:04.458,0:52:08.291
I'm supposed to be a old 70 year old woman.

0:52:08.583,0:52:12.958
If I was 70, we wouldn't have this problem.

0:52:12.958,0:52:15.166
I would have sang that song.

0:52:15.208,0:52:17.208
I don't want chill Man.

0:52:17.208,0:52:18.916
I got it.

0:52:19.375,0:52:21.375
But you know, what's so funny?

0:52:21.375,0:52:24.375
He looked just like, have you ever seen,

0:52:24.375,0:52:28.375
um, that, oh, was that Canadian show?

0:52:28.375,0:52:30.375
The IT crowd.

0:52:30.375,0:52:31.750
Have you ever seen that show?

0:52:31.750,0:52:33.041
Oh my God.

0:52:33.041,0:52:34.875
Okay.

0:52:34.875,0:52:35.375
Have you ever seen, um,

0:52:35.875,0:52:38.500
The Night Night Watchers?

0:52:38.541,0:52:40.541
Mm.

0:52:40.541,0:52:41.833
But that sounds familiar.

0:52:41.833,0:52:45.458
Yeah, it's with Ben Stiller.

0:52:45.500,0:52:48.166
It's's with.

0:52:48.916,0:52:51.916
But it's I want

0:52:51.916,0:52:54.916
to show you this guy that he looked just like him.

0:52:54.916,0:52:57.041
I forgot his name.

0:52:58.458,0:53:01.916
I swear he looked, and I'm not even joking,

0:53:01.916,0:53:05.000
exactly like this guy.

0:53:05.041,0:53:07.041
I don't know his name.

0:53:07.041,0:53:08.708
That's funny.

0:53:08.708,0:53:13.000
Because like, this one girl that I used to be friends with, she was like older.

0:53:15.916,0:53:17.916
Oh, wow, that's bright.

0:53:17.916,0:53:19.041
Oh, it is bright.

0:53:19.041,0:53:20.250
Hold on.

0:53:20.250,0:53:20.625
I'm turn my bright.

0:53:20.625,0:53:21.333
I can't see.

0:53:21.333,0:53:24.375
I'm going to turn my brightness down and see if that works.

0:53:25.333,0:53:28.750
Okay, we can see him better.

0:53:28.750,0:53:30.875
Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.

0:53:30.916,0:53:34.375
He looks just like this guy.

0:53:35.583,0:53:37.583
That's funny.

0:53:37.583,0:53:39.333
And I'm like...

0:53:44.416,0:53:47.708
But

0:53:47.708,0:53:50.375
yeah, I don't want Joe man.

0:53:50.416,0:53:52.416
Got it like that.

0:53:52.416,0:53:54.333
Right.

0:53:54.333,0:53:55.916
Okay, so there was this one story for me.

0:53:55.916,0:53:58.916
So she was older, like, in her 40s,

0:53:58.916,0:54:01.416
and she was dating a 27 year old.

0:54:01.750,0:54:06.583
And the 27 year old, like, her and I weren't really friends.

0:54:06.625,0:54:08.625
We were like, four..

0:54:08.625,0:54:12.625
So she introduced a 27 year old to me

0:54:13.583,0:54:18.791
and the 27 year old was like, not flirting with me, but he was like friendly, you know?

0:54:18.791,0:54:21.958
And so she got super

0:54:21.958,0:54:27.291
insecure and she's like over here telling me, oh, has he ever messaged you?

0:54:27.291,0:54:29.291
And I was like, no.

0:54:29.291,0:54:30.875
Like, he's never messaged me.

0:54:30.875,0:54:35.750
He's never even said hi to me except when you're around, you know?

0:54:35.750,0:54:37.750
And she's like, no, he hasn't.

0:54:37.750,0:54:40.458
Like, literally was adamant that he's talked to me.

0:54:40.458,0:54:42.458
And I was like, no, he hasn't.

0:54:42.458,0:54:44.083
I literally can prove you.

0:54:44.083,0:54:46.208
He's never been in my DMs, never been

0:54:47.875,0:54:49.875
It was funny.

0:54:49.875,0:54:51.666
That's the song I did for one of my TikToks.

0:54:51.666,0:54:55.250
I was like, girl, I don't want you man because I got it like that.

0:54:55.250,0:54:57.250
He's not even my tie.

0:54:57.250,0:55:00.458
Like, why are you, you know,

0:55:00.500,0:55:04.208
don't don't do that because you're going to ruin your relationship

0:55:04.791,0:55:06.791
Yeah.

0:55:06.791,0:55:09.958
I feel like she definitely was

0:55:09.958,0:55:16.291
like, self-sabotaging in a lot of ways because she didn't trust

0:55:17.166,0:55:22.666
him, but he didn't trust her either.

0:55:22.708,0:55:27.375
And I'm just like, well, why are you together if neither one of you trusts each other?

0:55:27.375,0:55:29.375
I'm like, can't we?

0:55:29.375,0:55:31.583
I mean, somewhere on the line there has

0:55:31.625,0:55:34.416
to be like a little bit of trust, you know?

0:55:34.458,0:55:36.458
Right

0:55:36.458,0:55:38.708
And like, even even when I say like

0:55:38.708,0:55:43.666
I don't like fully trust someone, that doesn't mean like I don't trust them at all.

0:55:43.708,0:55:46.791
It's just, I know you in certain

0:55:46.791,0:55:50.791
areas or I'm skeptical about certain areas

0:55:50.833,0:55:53.500
well where I don't trust you, you know?

0:55:53.541,0:55:57.541
So I'heartedly trust you, but I could trust you to do

0:55:57.833,0:55:59.833
certain things.

0:55:59.833,0:56:04.250
Like I can trust that if I'm stuck on the side of the road, that you would perhaps come and get me.

0:56:04.250,0:56:07.458
I don't trust that

0:56:07.500,0:56:09.708
you would never cheat on me.

0:56:09.708,0:56:13.041
You know, like it's, you know, it's just certain things.

0:56:13.083,0:56:17.791
It's like, I'm going to pick and choose based off of your performance, like

0:56:18.250,0:56:21.291
how you're showing me, how you're treating me, how you're

0:56:21.291,0:56:24.708
talking to me, um, you know, the conversations

0:56:24.708,0:56:27.875
that we have, you know, just showing yourself

0:56:29.041,0:56:31.041
you know, approved.

0:56:31.041,0:56:32.875
So.

0:56:36.083,0:56:38.333
Yeah, that was one of the things that I wrote down.

0:56:38.333,0:56:41.375
Patterns over promises.

0:56:41.416,0:56:45.958
You know, I'm looking at how you move, what you do.

0:56:45.958,0:56:48.583
Are you consistent with what you do and say?

0:56:48.625,0:56:50.625
Are you just, you know,

0:56:51.125,0:56:53.125
telling me what I wanted you?

0:56:53.125,0:56:56.625
You know, so again, it's patterns.

0:56:58.583,0:57:03.416
It's something that happened once, it's an anominaly, right?

0:57:03.416,0:57:07.666
If it happens twice, then you look at it as a pattern.

0:57:07.708,0:57:10.791
If it happens three or more times, it's a signature.

0:57:10.791,0:57:12.791
It is what it is.

0:57:12.916,0:57:15.166
It's going to always be this way.

0:57:15.208,0:57:17.208
That's just who that person is.

0:57:17.208,0:57:20.166
It's just like, you know, that that actually comes

0:57:20.166,0:57:23.916
from IT, where we talk about viruses and things that nature.

0:57:23.958,0:57:26.958
But if it happens multiple times, trust it to continue

0:57:26.958,0:57:29.833
to happen because it's going to continue to happen.

0:57:30.208,0:57:33.416
You know,

0:57:33.416,0:57:37.000
I looked at it and I'm like, I wrote down some

0:57:37.041,0:57:41.000
things and it's like, do we really want to bring these up in this segment or not?

0:57:41.000,0:57:43.208
Because when it comes down to

0:57:43.875,0:57:48.958
trust, there is also accountability.

0:57:48.958,0:57:52.041
There is also, you know, saying times

0:57:52.083,0:57:54.291
that we deflect things.

0:57:54.291,0:57:58.333
If someone is telling you that you're doing certain things,

0:57:58.916,0:58:01.125
Are you really doing them?

0:58:01.166,0:58:03.958
Are you denying that you're doing them?

0:58:03.958,0:58:05.958
You know, so

0:58:07.500,0:58:11.083
in retrospect, you have to look back and say,

0:58:11.125,0:58:15.291
okay, yes, I did this and accept it for what it is.

0:58:15.291,0:58:19.041
You know what I'm saying, build on it, move on.

0:58:19.083,0:58:21.083
Or

0:58:21.083,0:58:23.250
stay in that state of denial.

0:58:23.291,0:58:26.333
If it actually did happen and

0:58:26.333,0:58:29.541
you're denying that it happened, then you're not ready to heal

0:58:29.583,0:58:34.375
yet because you're not ready to accept things for how they actually are

0:58:35.041,0:58:37.041
And, you know what I'm saying?

0:58:37.041,0:58:38.791
A lot of times that's going to be

0:58:40.875,0:58:44.166
being able to trust yourself, to be true to yourself.

0:58:44.166,0:58:47.250
Not just what I think I

0:58:47.291,0:58:50.750
believe or I am this way and I see myself this way.

0:58:50.750,0:58:52.750
And a lot of times

0:58:53.000,0:58:56.208
we see ourselves differently than other people see us.

0:58:56.208,0:59:00.333
We think we project in this way and

0:59:00.375,0:59:03.875
we're actually projecting in a completely different light.

0:59:04.791,0:59:08.000
One of the things that I had to learn when

0:59:08.041,0:59:12.583
it came down to trusting self throughout my journey

0:59:14.166,0:59:18.958
was to accept myself for who I am.

0:59:18.958,0:59:21.416
If I make mistakes, I make mistakes.

0:59:21.416,0:59:23.625
I'm not perfect.

0:59:23.666,0:59:25.666
I'm not trying to be perfect.

0:59:26.041,0:59:29.041
If someone does tell me I do certain things, I try to listen

0:59:29.041,0:59:33.541
to them for the most part, you know, I'm saying I reflect on that on that conversation.

0:59:33.541,0:59:35.541
Did I actually do it?

0:59:35.541,0:59:38.416
I'm always reflecting what were my actions.

0:59:38.458,0:59:40.458
You know?

0:59:40.458,0:59:42.541
Just thinking about it that way.

0:59:42.541,0:59:46.375
As I sit here and I look at, what did I do?

0:59:46.375,0:59:48.375
What did I say?

0:59:48.375,0:59:49.333
What did I honestly do?

0:59:49.333,0:59:51.041
What did I honestly say?

0:59:51.666,0:59:54.750
And Throughout my journey, what I

0:59:54.791,0:59:58.750
have learned is that Oftentimes

0:59:58.750,1:00:01.625
when people really get underneath my skin.

1:00:02.666,1:00:04.666
You know I'm saying that?

1:00:04.666,1:00:07.833
Because's a situation that just happened tonight as well, is

1:00:07.875,1:00:12.583
that they are reflecting something back to me that I actually do.

1:00:12.625,1:00:16.125
Or something about myself that I need to fix.

1:00:16.750,1:00:20.166
I look at people as mirrors.

1:00:22.708,1:00:26.125
and people coming to your life for reason season in our lifetime.

1:00:26.125,1:00:29.625
They' They're there to teach you a lesson.

1:00:29.666,1:00:32.708
They're there to go along a journey

1:00:32.708,1:00:36.125
for you, or they're there to be there for you for

1:00:36.708,1:00:39.166
the entire span of the journey.

1:00:39.208,1:00:42.291
And again, if

1:00:42.291,1:00:45.500
somebody just completely irks you, whatever

1:00:45.541,1:00:47.791
it is that you say that they do,

1:00:48.708,1:00:51.041
ask yourself the honest question.

1:00:51.083,1:00:53.166
Do I do this?

1:00:53.166,1:00:55.375
Do I really do this?

1:00:55.375,1:00:58.125
Do I do anything similar to this?

1:00:59.291,1:01:05.375
And if the answer is yes. accept it for what it is.

1:01:05.416,1:01:10.750
Acknowledge it. and go within and fix it.

1:01:10.750,1:01:13.750
Trust that you can fix it within yourself.

1:01:14.291,1:01:17.791
And what you'll start to learn is by

1:01:17.833,1:01:21.416
doing so, that trust that you place

1:01:21.416,1:01:26.000
into yourself instead of somebody else, you'll start to notice that

1:01:26.833,1:01:29.833
when people are not align with you, you

1:01:29.833,1:01:32.208
pick that shit up a whole lot faster.

1:01:32.208,1:01:34.208
You know what I'm saying?

1:01:34.208,1:01:37.083
Because you have started to work on

1:01:37.083,1:01:40.375
yourself and trust that what you are seeing

1:01:41.000,1:01:43.000
is something that

1:01:45.500,1:01:49.541
you are working on and as you start to work on it and you start to

1:01:51.833,1:01:56.500
You start to give out, you start to see yourself differently, first and foremost.

1:01:58.708,1:02:01.791
Not that I am perfect, but that I am

1:02:01.791,1:02:06.625
walking towards perfection, although I may never achieve it.

1:02:06.666,1:02:09.208
I'm trying my best to get there.

1:02:10.458,1:02:13.958
And you'll start to, like I said, when people,

1:02:14.000,1:02:17.458
when their energy is different than where you are currently

1:02:17.458,1:02:21.833
vibrating, you will feel it from the moment that they walk

1:02:21.833,1:02:24.291
in the room, from the moment that they open their mouth.

1:02:24.291,1:02:26.833
You will understand whether or not this person is truthful

1:02:27.250,1:02:29.625
or if this person is full of deceptions.

1:02:29.666,1:02:31.666
And, you know what I'm saying?

1:02:31.666,1:02:33.833
It's that discernment that gets you there.

1:02:33.833,1:02:37.000
But you don't get to that discernment until you

1:02:37.041,1:02:40.250
start working on self entrusting yourself to

1:02:40.250,1:02:43.333
see yourself outside of what you believe that you are

1:02:43.791,1:02:47.000
and start to look at what's being mirrored

1:02:47.041,1:02:49.041
back to you. landing my plane there.

1:02:49.666,1:02:52.958
I

1:02:52.958,1:02:57.875
like that you look at it as like a mirror because

1:02:59.500,1:03:02.708
I know some of the things that

1:03:02.708,1:03:07.791
I'm working on in myself, like,

1:03:07.833,1:03:12.083
you know, the whole shut, like, I'm really bad at like shutting down.

1:03:12.083,1:03:14.166
That's one of the things I'm working on.

1:03:14.166,1:03:16.625
It's like not shutting down, but I do shut down.

1:03:16.625,1:03:20.625
And I know like when I'm feeling like overwhelmed or anxiety or

1:03:20.958,1:03:23.958
whatever, if there's

1:03:23.958,1:03:27.416
like, you know, arguments or, you know, disagreements

1:03:27.458,1:03:30.750
that are just like over the top or

1:03:32.916,1:03:37.083
you know, I just, I always shut down.

1:03:37.125,1:03:40.125
Like, at my graduation party, it

1:03:40.125,1:03:42.125
was funny because, um

1:03:43.541,1:03:47.791
I mean, I have a pretty decentsized house, but there was like.

1:03:47.791,1:03:51.291
I don't know, what, 15 people

1:03:51.333,1:03:54.000
people in one sitting

1:03:55.000,1:03:58.625
and it probably was more than that, actually.

1:03:58.625,1:04:01.958
But everybody's in this one area and

1:04:02.000,1:04:06.291
there were so many different conversations going on at once.

1:04:06.333,1:04:09.500
And then there were two or three

1:04:09.500,1:04:13.625
individuals who was like getting louder and louder and yelling.

1:04:13.625,1:04:15.625
They weren't like

1:04:15.625,1:04:17.125
angry.

1:04:17.125,1:04:19.833
It was just like a it was just like a debate

1:04:19.875,1:04:26.291
and just to throw a little context there.

1:04:26.291,1:04:29.708
One was Puerto Rican and one was African.

1:04:30.208,1:04:32.208
So...

1:04:32.208,1:04:34.750
I was going to say,

1:04:34.750,1:04:37.958
they can both get loud and

1:04:38.000,1:04:41.708
I and my mom was sitting there and I like never,

1:04:41.708,1:04:45.333
ever, ever swear in front of my mom.

1:04:45.375,1:04:47.375
And I was like,

1:04:47.375,1:04:48.958
oh, goodness.

1:04:48.958,1:04:50.333
It's just.

1:04:50.375,1:04:53.000
I lost it.

1:04:53.000,1:04:56.458
I'm like, "You guys are giving me anxiety.

1:04:57.583,1:04:59.583
be quiet.

1:04:59.583,1:05:01.916
Um But yeah,

1:05:01.958,1:05:05.666
I'm just like, you know, people are gonna,

1:05:05.666,1:05:09.250
you know, when you respond to certain things that people

1:05:09.250,1:05:13.250
do, it kind of shows you like,, oh, you've got

1:05:13.291,1:05:17.000
some, the way that you responded, you've got some things that

1:05:17.000,1:05:19.500
you need to change within yourself, you know?

1:05:22.416,1:05:25.458
but I do, but the issue with that is, or

1:05:25.458,1:05:29.708
there's really no issue with that is, but the interesting part is I

1:05:29.708,1:05:33.291
trust in myself to continuously work on those things.

1:05:33.333,1:05:36.541
I know that I actively put

1:05:36.583,1:05:38.666
in the work to like

1:05:39.875,1:05:42.958
not be so reactive to

1:05:43.000,1:05:45.333
everything that everybody does.

1:05:45.333,1:05:48.500
Because I used to be I used to be

1:05:48.500,1:05:53.625
really bad about reacting to every single thing.

1:05:53.666,1:05:56.833
But I look at myself now versus

1:05:56.833,1:06:00.833
myself then and I'm like, yes, you've actually been working on it.

1:06:00.875,1:06:03.791
And I can tell because even with my ex, like

1:06:04.125,1:06:07.333
he'll say certain things or whatever.

1:06:07.333,1:06:09.833
And I'm just like, okay.

1:06:09.875,1:06:15.125
And I'm like, I've grown from that.

1:06:15.125,1:06:17.125
I've changed from that.

1:06:17.125,1:06:19.875
And so I know that I'm not going to be reactive to other things.

1:06:19.875,1:06:22.208
But I feel like it's easier to trust yourself

1:06:22.625,1:06:25.791
than it is to trust someone else because at

1:06:25.833,1:06:29.041
least you know that you can rely on yourself to react

1:06:29.083,1:06:34.541
or say whatever it is based on who you you are as an individual.

1:06:35.708,1:06:37.416
Right.

1:06:37.458,1:06:39.458
Agreed.

1:06:39.458,1:06:40.750
Agreed.

1:06:41.208,1:06:44.666
Part of the thing is about setting healthy bound

1:06:44.750,1:06:49.583
you know what I'm saying, and setting those boundaries without being feeling guilty, you know, for

1:06:50.833,1:06:52.833
how you feel about it.

1:06:52.833,1:06:55.541
Trusting yourself

1:06:55.541,1:06:59.791
that you can forgive yourself for mistakes that you made in the past. for

1:06:59.833,1:07:03.000
ignoring red flags that you clearly saw.

1:07:03.000,1:07:05.000
And

1:07:05.000,1:07:07.250
for whatever reasons, just, maybe there's a change

1:07:07.250,1:07:10.708
or maybe I can get them to, you know,

1:07:10.750,1:07:13.833
saying, go down a different path and then you're not able to do that.

1:07:14.958,1:07:18.250
And, you know, you, you

1:07:18.250,1:07:21.708
put so much trust into someone else that

1:07:21.708,1:07:26.958
you fail to do it for or to give that trust to

1:07:27.000,1:07:29.125
the person that matters the most, and that's you.

1:07:29.708,1:07:34.791
So you have to reclaim that and,

1:07:34.791,1:07:39.625
you know, move forward, you know, I'm saying, and just.

1:07:39.666,1:07:42.708
Honestly, and just be careful who

1:07:42.708,1:07:45.708
you give your trust to, because everybody's not trustworthy

1:07:46.208,1:07:49.208
Everybody, and that's the thing

1:07:49.208,1:07:52.916
is that you want to believe people because they

1:07:52.916,1:07:55.250
have a great backstory.

1:07:55.250,1:07:57.250
It sounds amazing.

1:07:57.250,1:07:58.625
They say all the right things.

1:07:58.666,1:08:01.833
And that alone should also be a red flag.

1:08:01.875,1:08:05.208
If a person can't tell you anything negative about themselves

1:08:05.750,1:08:07.750
then..

1:08:07.750,1:08:11.958
You got to trust that for what it is as well.

1:08:12.000,1:08:14.000
You know what I mean?

1:08:14.000,1:08:14.791
It's like.

1:08:14.791,1:08:17.458
You don't see anything wrong with yourself.

1:08:18.249,1:08:21.291
Granted, you wouldn't normally tell anybody

1:08:21.291,1:08:24.916
what's wrong with you, but I know that

1:08:24.958,1:08:27.208
I have, you know what I'm saying?

1:08:28.458,1:08:30.833
a quick temper.

1:08:30.833,1:08:36.041
Lately, I had been working on that over the few, you know what I'm saying, past.

1:08:36.041,1:08:38.041
And me being in the military didn't help

1:08:39.124,1:08:41.208
with that temper.

1:08:41.208,1:08:46.291
But also I've learned to control it.

1:08:46.333,1:08:49.666
I've learned to give opportunities before

1:08:49.666,1:08:51.874
I lash out.

1:08:52.541,1:08:54.541
not saying that that

1:08:57.166,1:09:00.583
Yeah, you

1:09:00.583,1:09:03.583
know, nobody's perfect to say the least.

1:09:03.583,1:09:05.583
You know, we all have our moments

1:09:06.708,1:09:08.708
vulnerabilities.

1:09:08.708,1:09:13.124
We have moments where we trust people way too much, way more than we should.

1:09:13.124,1:09:15.124
Because even if they've been

1:09:16.124,1:09:19.124
Johnnyny on the spot, clutch, whatever you want to

1:09:19.124,1:09:21.249
call them, you know what I'm saying, a couple times.

1:09:21.291,1:09:24.291
So they've built a level,

1:09:24.291,1:09:26.541
a level of trust.

1:09:26.583,1:09:31.249
So you feel like they are dependable and then you have to break that down.

1:09:31.749,1:09:37.208
What's dependable versus do I really trust this person?

1:09:37.208,1:09:39.958
And I trust this person around my children.

1:09:39.958,1:09:43.708
Can I trust this person within my home that

1:09:43.749,1:09:45.833
they won't take anything out of my home?

1:09:45.833,1:09:47.833
Or, you know what I'm saying?

1:09:47.833,1:09:50.499
So dependability and trust are

1:09:50.499,1:09:52.624
not the same and we should not confuse those

1:09:53.208,1:09:56.541
And it's

1:09:56.583,1:10:01.083
a fine line and it's easy to blend, you know what I'm saying, to blur that line.

1:10:01.083,1:10:03.083
So

1:10:03.375,1:10:07.333
I guess in essence, it comes down to your

1:10:07.333,1:10:11.625
definition of trust and your definition of dependability.

1:10:12.958,1:10:14.958
So.

1:10:14.958,1:10:19.041
And where's the threshold between the two?

1:10:19.083,1:10:21.083
You know?

1:10:21.083,1:10:25.958
But a lot of times, oftentimes we listen to people and we just believe them

1:10:26.625,1:10:31.583
because we want to believe them so badly that, you know what I'm saying?

1:10:31.625,1:10:36.583
It's just innate within us to want to believe things that people are saying.

1:10:36.583,1:10:38.583
And then every now and then it'd be like,

1:10:39.416,1:10:41.416
that didn't quite sound right.

1:10:41.416,1:10:43.166
Let me research that one.

1:10:43.166,1:10:44.708
Always do your research.

1:10:44.708,1:10:46.041
You know what I'm saying?

1:10:46.041,1:10:46.750
I'm not telling you not to.

1:10:47.833,1:10:51.125
But as I dated

1:10:51.125,1:10:56.583
myself, but as President Reagan used to say all the time, trust

1:10:57.833,1:10:59.833
but verify.

1:10:59.833,1:11:01.333
Trust me, verifrify.

1:11:01.333,1:11:03.416
I'll land in my plane there.

1:11:03.541,1:11:06.125
Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us.

1:11:06.166,1:11:09.250
This has been another episode of All of One, but

1:11:09.291,1:11:11.291
we keep it real, we keep it authentic.

1:11:11.333,1:11:15.625
We're going to say that other things things that y'all been thinking, but don't want to say.

1:11:15.625,1:11:17.625
You know what I mean?

1:11:17.625,1:11:18.541
Once again, thanks for coming out.

1:11:18.583,1:11:20.583
We see you on the next one.

1:11:20.583,1:11:21.833
We're all in.

1:11:21.833,1:11:23.000
We're all in one.