EGO ALERT: Stop Rehearsing Your Past & Become the New You

Your ego is addicted to the old version of you. In this episode, we break down why it feels "wrong" to act different and how to handle people who try to pull you back into your old ways. We discuss the transition from the "old me" to the "authentic me" and why accountability is the only way out of the loop.

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Transcript

The Cold Open: Why You Keep Opening the Door

Speaker 1 0:10

Welcome back to All In One, ladies and gentlemen. This is the podcast where we keep it real. We keep it authentic. Tonight's topic. We're talking about the art of becoming the new you. Sometimes we gotta shed old skin. Sometimes we gotta let go of people that from our past. Everybody can't go with us on this journey. As Carlito t uh Carlito's Way said, you know what I'm saying? You know, uh, everybody can't go, you know. Let's talk about it. What does it look like? What does it feel like? How how do you embody the whole presence of becoming the new you? So what you got, Arya, talk to me.

The AIO Mission: Real People, Authentic Struggle

Speaker 2 0:44

You know, it's so funny because yesterday, um, I was just looking at some uh some books of my like my senior, my senior year book, and like and just looking at all the different photos of people that were in my life. And I've actually mentioned this to my students once. I was like, you know, you guys care so much about what all these people think of you and how they see you, and you know, things in that nature. I there's two things I know for certain. One, you're probably not gonna know half these people when you get older. Not even half. You're not gonna know 10% of these people when you get older. And then I was like, and number two, you're not even gonna be the same person when you get older. And it's funny because I don't know, I just was like looking at photos and I'm just and even my like senior hits, I'm looking at those and I'm like, hey, I remember this person, but I know I'm not this person. Like that person was so just like so nonchalant about everything. Like she just was like quiet and shy and like just did what everybody's said to do, super people pleasing, like extremely people pleasing. And like I honestly don't even really know who this person is. Like, I'm not I'm familiar, but I'm not. Because it's like I know that I've changed and I've grown from that person, and I just like wow, I have literally became and that's why I I think it's uh it it's really important to um even note like diaries, journals, and things of that nature. If you have food, you know, if you like to write it down physically. I know nowadays we're in that age where like people can grab a phone and there's like their computers and they can like journal on there. And I'm like, you know, that's all good too. But there's nothing like actually writing something down on paper. Does that make sense to you?

Speaker 1 2:59

It makes perfect sense to me. It really does.

Defining the New You: It’s Not What You Think

Speaker 2 3:02

Because it like really truly reflects who you are, like it's really you in that paper. You can go back even like a week or a month or a year, you know, from the time when you started writing, and you can see, you know, how you've changed like any that short time, you know. I mean, I think back like five years, ten years, fifteen years, and I'm still not even the same person as that person. I'm like, what the heck? I don't even know. Like it just became this whole another thing, you know. I mean, even from last year, you know, like I was just thinking back on like just when we first started like talking and how I just was like opening up and like some of the things that I experienced, you know, and in getting myself back on social media and me saying like this is why I jumped off of social media in the first, you know, because I'm like I realized that I'm just like a a whole different person who like I don't tolerate a lot of things like I used to. Like, you know, I'm still very slow to anger, but I would say that even though I'm slow to anger, I'm still like I'm better like um with pausing. I'm better at pausing and thinking about what I'm gonna say before I say it, which I think is true growth. It's true growth, you know. Um, I've always been the type of person that cares about others' feelings, like, and I'm always gonna be that person, but it's one thing to be like, oh, I care about your feelings, but then it's another thing to be like, oh, I feel like you're attacking me, so I'm just gonna attack you back. Yeah. And I feel like that person is not really there anymore. I'm just like, now I don't even give people my energy. It's so crazy because sometimes like, like, even um, I was with my guy, and he was like, Oh, did you see that lady? She was staring at us, and she was just like making these faces. And I said, I honestly didn't see, and if I didn't, like it just didn't, it didn't faze me because I literally do not give people my energy. I just don't. Like it's so re it's so I don't know. Um I'm very proud of myself for doing that though. That's a huge deal that's a huge deal for me because I care so much about like what people said and how people thought of me, and like, do I look okay? Do I yeah, am I doing something right? Am I talking correctly? Am I you know being the person that people want to be around? I'm always like it it's so much work. Oh my god, it's so much work to do that, be that person. I'm like, how in the world was I even able to make that happen? Like, I I really don't even know. Like the me now, looking at the me then, I'm like, girl, is your brain okay? Because I'm surprised you didn't have several meltdowns and breakdowns, because that is truly a lot of work to work so hard to please this person, to please this person, to please this person, this person, this person, every single person that you come across and wanting to do all these things for these people, and you have no art of saying no, like it's okay to say no. That's another new thing that I've I've worked on in the past year because you know I've lost thousands upon thousands of dollars, you know, because I won't say no. Can I help? Can can you help me do this? Can you pay for this? Can I borrow this? And of course, you don't give money back that you borrow, and people borrow from you. This doesn't happen for the most part, it just does not happen. Um, that's why I always tell people never lend money to people. You can help them if you feel like you you can freely give them the the money because they're like, oh, can I borrow this money? Look, I am giving you this money because I have it. Bam, leave it at that. If you don't want to verbally say that, that's fine too. You can give it to them, but in your head, you need to know this is not alone. This is me purely giving from my heart. Because if you sit there and try to expect that money back and you don't get that money back, you're done open a whole can of worms, like ten doors boxes about to open it, it's not gonna be pretty.

Speaker 1 7:27

Right.

Speaker 2 7:27

So, you know, I've learned that lesson too, like giving people money and like expecting it back. You know, I'm like, oh, can I borrow $2,000? Okay, and give me $2,000 and never come back. Can I borrow $3,000? I was like, you know what? Well, they say, um, fool me once, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Speaker 1 7:50

Nah, you're saying that wrong. You gotta get you gotta get the uh George version, you gotta get the Bush version. You say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, can't get fooled again.

EGO ALERT: Why Your Brain Craves the Toxic Loop

Speaker 2 8:00

Like, that's funny. No, because I I mean, I did that. And I was like, you know what, I'm never doing it again because it's unnecessary. And then I have to know, like, too, like, you can't give what you don't technically have. You know, it's like you have it, but you you kind of don't, you know, it's like you know you might need it later for something else or whatever the case may be. You're like, oh, I'm just holding off on that because I don't need it right now. I'll just let borrow this and then they'll give it back and I can use it later. But it's like you you're putting your you're setting yourself up for failure when you do that, you know. I'm just like, I'm learning there's well, I'm still learning certain things, but I'm like, I think there's things that I know that has helped me get to where I am right now, and that's not only the people pleasing, but understanding how people get comfortable with you because they know that you're like a people pleaser, they know who you are, you know, and then they don't like it if you change. Like you do something different, and they're like, no way. Who are you? What have you done with my friend? What have you done with my sister? You know, whatever. They have no clue. I mean, because even my situation with my soon-to-be ex-husband, when I put my foot down and I say we were done, all hell problems. He was like, What? Like, what are you talking about? Now he's like, Oh, I love you, I care about you, I don't want to be with you anyway. Like, now he's bipolar because he's like, he's not used to this, he's not used to this, and me absolutely legitimately holding boundaries, like having real boundaries, like you can set boundaries, but that means absolutely dookie poop. It means absolutely nothing if you are not actually setting those boundaries and living up to them. I mean, people set boundaries all the time, but like, are you absolutely solidifying those boundaries and not letting people cross those boundaries? Because please believe, as soon as you let them overstep, even if it's just a little pinky touch, or they don't what's that? When you give them an inch, they take a mile. That's that's exactly what happens.

Speaker 1 10:20

Give them a rope, they want to be a cowboy.

Speaker 2 10:22

Look, as I go, and there and there's really nothing you can do about it unless you say no, like and you put your foot down, like you have to put your foot down when it comes to your boundaries. There are your boundaries for a reason, you know, and that's a part of your growth. Um, because it'll help you in other situations, not even just in a in a relationship, but like it can help you in like your jobs, you know, in your career choices that you make. It can help you when you're even just meeting new people or um, you know, making new friends and things of that nature. Because anybody can break boundaries. It doesn't have to just be your partner, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. It doesn't have to be that. It could be your family, your siblings, your parents. I mean, I can't tell you like how many people I've talked to who's older now and like their parents are overstepping boundaries. Like your parents just walking in your house whenever they feel like it because they know the password or have a key to your door. Like, I'm sorry, but that's a boundary. Because hell, if I'm burning, I want to walk around my house. This is one example, but I'm saying, like, your people seem to be like, Oh, my mom walked in my house, and this is like, oh, you know why she did that? You know why she did that, right? Because you have no boundary. You have no boundaries. Like, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, even her kids. Her kids have moved out, and now her kids like trying to just bomb rush and come over to the house. No, no, ma'am, no, sir. I have raised y'all, y'all grown, you know, deciding you wanted to move out, get your own place, you want to get married, and all these other things. That was on you, okay? So now you no longer live here. So you just can't be walking in and out of my house because you think you can't. Like, you know, like I mean, I go to my mom's house and like, you know, um, but a lot of times when I go to my mom's house, I'm always like sending her a messenger like, hey, are you at home? Or, you know, something like that. It's not just me like bomb rushing, like in the house, you know. I just feel like there should be even boundaries with me, even if she doesn't set a boundary. I feel like that's still a boundary because I'm showing her like I respect her space. I don't need her to do the same thing with mine. Because I mean, this woman done came to my house and I wasn't even here. The first she came to my house first. I didn't even know it. I like literally came here. They were like, Oh, we need you to set up the code for the door. I was like, okay, came to the house. I mean, like, literally, there was still no floors on this on this house. And we're still in the building process. And then um, I went and talked to her about the code, and I was like, Oh, I put the code in. I told her what the code was or whatever. I didn't think the lady was gonna come to the house. It wasn't even finished being built.

Speaker 1 13:19

I want to see it.

Speaker 2 13:20

But that's what she said. And then and she so she got to see the house like when it was finished before me. Like, cause I scheduled my walkthrough, you know, whatever. And um, I didn't even know fully what the house was like because I didn't really walk through it because it was dust and dirt and barely walls or anything like that in the house. I didn't really get a chance to see it anything in the house. And um she uh she was like, Oh my god, the kitchen is so beautiful, and I'm like yo. Yo, I was like, what? I was like, usually, I'm not even seeing my kitchen. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 14:05

Girl, let me tell you you gonna love it, yeah.

Identifying Generational Patterns in Real-Time

Speaker 2 14:08

I'm like, I haven't even seen the dang kitchen, that's wild, but there were no boundaries, you know. So I just gotta let them know, like, you have to set boundaries with everybody. I tell my kids that all the time. I'm like, because they just like, oh, I have a friend and we keep fighting and we're doing this, and what I'm like, so are you okay with this? Are you happy with this? This back and forth. No, I don't know what to say. I'll set a boundary. Set a boundary. This is it's really that simple. If you don't want to deal with their negative energy, then guess what? You don't have to. You are not obligated. Because you'll grow from that, and you're not gonna be the same person at all. Like, like I said, I was looking at my book, I don't remember half the people, like at all. I don't literally looking like trying to remember their names and like fundamentals. I'm just like, where did I know the find from were were they in band with me? Were they were they dancers with me? I didn't even know. I have no idea. I'm reading some of the stuff that people wrote about me. Very nice, but I'm like, I don't remember you. I don't even re somebody even wrote their number. I wasn't like, oh keep in touch. I don't know who they are. I ain't gonna lie to I was tempted to call and be like, hey, this is Aria. But you know, but I mean, I just know growing, becoming this new person, it's very enlightening. Honestly, it makes me curious to know like who I'll be in the next five or ten years ahead, you know, because if I'm already growing from where I was, like I can't even imagine where I'm gonna be, you know, ahead. Like I'm excited for it.

Speaker 1 15:52

So absolutely. You know, it's just things that, especially when it comes to relationship, I like to call them growing pains, right? Where you have to get to know each other, and during that process, you're gonna have those pains as you learn to grow, you know what I'm saying, amongst each other. Setting healthy boundaries is very important at that stage because it is pivotal. The things that you allow to happen at that particular point in time will determine how that relationship continues to grow and evolve. Going back to one of the points that you made is like that's that's part of the evolution is part of life. The things that we think are cool today, we probably would have thought was lame, you know, back in your 20s or whatever case. The things that you thought was cool in your 20s, you would never do today, certain certain things. We evolved. Same thing goes with relationships. People outgrow each other. You realize that, you know, we we had a bond at some point because we were from the same, we were in the same class, we were from the same area. We had something in common at that particular point in time. As we continue to go along through life and evolve, we realize that we have differences. You like certain things, I don't like those things. It's cool for you to like those things. I'm not mad at you for liking those things. I'm not trying to change that about you. And it's like you learn to you learn the things that you like and you learn the things that you dislike. And the people around you will either evolve with you or they will tend to try to hold you back in a way. In a sense, what they do is they they create this box, this ideology of how they see and how they feel about. So they try to put you into that box. Well, for me, especially now, um, you know, and it's something that you you have to evolve into. It's something that you grow and you learn. It's like learning to not be a people pleaser. You know, I don't like that. That doesn't make me feel good. So, yeah, I understand that it will help you, but it doesn't help me. It's just something that benefits you. And that was one of the things that I had to learn. Loyalty. Loyalty means a lot to me, you know. Uh, can I trust you? Can I really trust you? You know, uh when it comes to friendships, it's like you have to understand that you may be willing to do more for friends, and that also goes for a relationship. You maybe do you may do more in a relationship than somebody else does. Same with work. Hell, let's bring it there. You'll end up helping somebody, and then next thing you know, you carrying all the workload, and they sitting back fucking chips get more, but they're sitting back chilling, right? And you carrying all the the bulk of the work. And it's like, yeah, no, that doesn't work. So if you find yourself in that situation where you feel that you're doing more than whether that's a friend, whether that's a colleague, or you know what I'm saying, or if it's a relationship, you have to set, as you stand it, those boundaries. You know, um I know a lot of people say they don't like the 50-50 thing when it comes to a relationship. I mean, I look at it like what better way to say that we are equal. You got this, I got that. I got your back, you got my back. We're showing each other that we're actually doing this together and not that one person is holding the bulk of the weight while the other person is just kind of riding. You know what I'm saying? Cosa claw, so to speak. So going back to the evolution thing, as we evolve, we outgrow our friendships, we outgrow our relationships, we outgrow certain things, you know what I'm saying? Certain people, certain places. So the things that you used to think were cool are no longer cool, mindsets change. And there's nothing wrong with it. And by no means should you have anyone, you owe no one any explanation for how you was just getting ready to say that we gotta stop explaining ourselves to people like like you don't have to do that anymore.

Speaker 2 19:56

It's gotten to a point where you don't need to keep saying, Oh, I'm doing this because and I have to keep doing it, and that just that's how you feel. That's how you feel.

Speaker 1 20:07

Exactly. Do it to keep it moved.

Speaker 2 20:08

Keep it cool. They either gonna ride along or they're gonna jump off the train and they're gonna go on their own destination somewhere else. Let them and let them.

The Atlanta Effect: Environment vs. Evolution

Speaker 1 20:18

Exactly. The only people that have problems with boundaries are the ones who's used to are accustomed to disrespecting your boundaries in the first place. All right, plain and simple. If somebody respects you as a person, as a friend, as a lover, if you set a boundary, then they will respect said boundary. Like for me, one of the things is like, don't play in my face. Don't put your finger, don't put your hands in my face. Don't do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, we're gonna have a problem. But I will I will communicate that with you in a very calm demeanor on the initial time. If you try to do it again, especially you know how some people just play and it's like, nah, okay, so you got a problem with this boundary. Like, I will let you know in a heartbeat. My cutoff can't agree with you. You know, and it's all about people will treat you in the manner in which you allowed them to treat you. They say things to you, you know, saying certain things that certain people don't say things. You know what I'm saying? It's like, you know why? Because that person will check you, they're gonna embarrass you right here and there. Every hey, wherever you act up, that's where you're gonna get it at, right? So, you know, it's just like coming along with friends, relationships, yeah, we all evolve. We all change. And there's nothing wrong with one anymore. Don't let somebody paint you on a box or in a corner or anything of that nature to say, oh, you think you're better than everyone. That's one of my favorites uh statements. You think you're better or you think you're smart, you know? And it's like oftentimes when people say those statements, uh, you're not gonna talk down to me, they're telling you exactly what's on the real mind without actually saying it. They know that you're smart. They know that you are whatever the case may be, whatever they are comparing. That attribute to. They know that you do this better than they do. And it is an insecurity of theirs, so they attempt to project that onto you.

Speaker 2 22:11

They're just mad that you healed first.

Speaker 1 22:14

That part.

Speaker 2 22:15

It's just mad that you heal first. Hallelujah.

Speaker 1 22:19

Do not allow them to project upon you something that their thought process. Just because, oh, you can't do that. Why you feel like I can't do it? Because you feel like you can't do it. We're not the same. Continue to grow into the new you. Continue to follow the things that you love to do because that's where your real growth comes from. When you stop allowing people to set limitations for you, then you start to realize that the sky is not the limit. Because that's what we've been told. The sky is the limit. The sky is the limit. You can do whatever you want. The sky's the limit. Well, the sky is the limit, then what the hell are the stars? Moons, the planets, the other galaxies. If the sky is the limit, you just put a limit on how I can actually go. It's not the limit.

Speaker 2 23:05

Move past the Kuiper bill.

Speaker 1 23:07

Right. Like, you know what I'm saying? Let's get out of here. Let's get out of the stratosphere. Let's go somewhere else. You know what I mean? Like, let's go. So stop allowing people to put limitations on you. Because as soon as you accept that, then you just limited yourself to how far you can go.

CYCLE BREAKER CHECK: Are You Healing or Just Performing?

Speaker 2 23:24

Yeah, I think it's too like, and people have to realize, you know, they're like, oh, well, you're acting different. This isn't you. You're, you know, you're you're acting somebody like somebody else. And what's going on with you? What's wrong with you? Maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe there's something wrong with you. Maybe you're not hearing what I'm trying to tell you. I'm telling you, I'm done. Like that is no old me, maybe my old ways, but this is me. This is exactly who I am. I'm telling you up front in person who I am. And that's up to you to either accept it or not. That's not my pump. I have shifted, I have grown, and again, ready to be dealing with all the BS that I was dealing with before. And maybe that wasn't me. Maybe I saw, maybe I was showing you a projection, a projection of someone that actually wasn't me because I was too busy not being myself, you know? So I think it's really a matter of like showing people who you really are and allowing others to see that true you. Um and you know, honest in all honesty, I think like if you're showing them the true you and they can't get on board, it just means that they weren't meant to be in your life anyways. And it's not like we we need to be holding on to people anyways. Like, it's not like we're meant to do that with everyone that we meet. People are here for a reason, season. You have to be able to know which they're supposed to be there for, you know, and not hold on to something like, oh man, and I I feel so bad. And and we talked about this before though, the uh that the the mastering empathy, sympathy, and apathy. You have to like separate that those feelings to know like who's really supposed to be in your life, you know, and who you need to be like, this person is no good for me. They are not benefiting me whatsoever. I can't benefit them whatsoever. We just need to cut ties, and this relationship needs to be done. And that is okay. I feel bad for um because I remember we had an um online podcast on it and someone had mentioned that their I know who it was, I'm not gonna say their name, but their grandmother was with their grandfather, and basically like they were together forever, but they didn't really have like a relationship. They were just doing it because of like the family dynamics of how they grew and things of that nature, and like feeling like the obligation factor, and I'm just like how miserable of a life you must have to feel like because I did this event, I'm stuck with it forever. Now, that's one thing I I do agree, like the sanctity of marriage. I do agree in like finding someone that you really truly want to be with forever. Like, I don't feel like people, at least most people, don't get into a marriage because they're like, I feel like I'm gonna one day get a divorce. I don't think that that's what's going through people's mind when they, you know, when they get married. It definitely didn't go through mine. And I'm a two-child divorcee. So like a I just but I also know that it is not at all wrong to grow with a person or move with a person and they're not growing with you and they're choosing to not grow with you, that you just might have to let them go. I mean, you know, and it's funny because my parents' best friends, they have been married my goodness, 50 years or so, or man, it was a long time, like 50, I wanna say like 50 years, and they just got a divorce last year, and um I was heartbroken, I'm not gonna lie. I was like, what in the entire world? I was like, what in the entire world? Like, why were we together for so long? So then it made me start questioning. I was like, okay, somewhere along the line, because obviously I don't know because I'm the child, you know, and I don't see everything that the adults are doing. But I mean, my mom was even shocked. My mom was like, wait, what? She even cried about it, you know. And because we we were just shocked. We were like, wait a minute. So we're 24, they um, wait, are we in 26? Yeah, these years, they've all just like they're like a chain link at this point since COVID. I've been trying, I've been trying to unchain this link because I don't know what year we are, what date we are, nothing. Oh so like at 24, that's when they told us that they were getting a divorce, they separated, and then in 25 it became it became legal. But it was like, dang, y'all been married for over 50 years. Like, what in the world happened that you for some odd reason decided to get a divorce now? You know, and I had to think about it, and you know, I was sad about it at first, but then after like meditating on it and thinking about it, I was like, you know, there's no reason if they made it that far. I feel like there must have been some things going on, and maybe they were waiting on their children to grow up, get married, have children, because now all of their children are married, and all of their children are grown, they have grandkids, so it's just them two in the house. I think, like, oh, was it just the kids keeping them together? You know, this whole time? Like, you know, like was there some signs that we missed, or I don't even know, you know, what happened, but it just made me see that like you you can try to build relationships and try to keep relationships, but if the relationship is not really meant to be there, um, and it was the ending of your season, then you just have to be okay. You know, you I don't feel like we're meant to be on this planet to be with a partner who is not fulfilling us, and we can't fulfill them, and we are not growing together, and we are not building together because I'm sorry, I'd be damned if I'm 70 years old, been married for 15 years, I get a divorce, and I'm or not get a divorce, and I'm miserable the next 30 years I have on this planet, 20 years I have on this planet, my time is slowly, you know, fading away. So I'm like, stay married, be miserable. I got like 20, 30 years left, maybe longer, depending on how science works. But I got like 20, 30 years left, realistically speaking. So do I really want to be on this planet and miserable with this person? But that doesn't make sense to me. Then it's like, yeah, okay, it's time for me to grow, and it's time for everybody to be okay that I've decided to grow and get out of this relationship. It's just a shift, you know? Be okay with that shift.

Speaker 1 30:25

I think that some people, some relationships, um, based upon uh trauma bonds, you found something that you had in common that you guys could agree to at one point in your life. And it became that sticking point for each other. You leaned on each other because of that one little sticking point. And then fast forward, depends on how long y'all been together, it could be pre or post-COVID. But if it was pre-COVID, you found out very quickly that you did not like that person. Because once COVID hit and you got stuck in the house with that mug all day, every day, you knew right then and there, this ain't it. I can't use 1247. That's true. And then if it's post-COVID, well, it's primarily because you're not stuck in the house with them. You know, you don't see how that person is every day. There you go. I guarantee you, once 2020, 2021 hit.

Speaker 2 31:20

I I bet it was high.

Speaker 1 31:22

Divorce rate went up like a mother. But it's like again, you're stuck with someone, and now that we're post-COVID, we're actually able to get out a little bit more and mingle, go out or do whatever it is that we do. And you meet people, they abide for a moment. And a lot of times you have to notice, you have to notice the truth. Because a lot of times we we say things that we don't mean. We say things that we know other people like to hear. We say things that pacify the moment. That's the best way to say it. It pacifies. And when you get to a point where you just get tired of pacifying people, where it's just you just live in your true and authentic self, you know, your true authentic nature. You learn that your opinion of me doesn't matter. I don't care what you think, because at the end of the day, you don't pay bills, you don't take care of children, you don't do anything in this particular setting for me to care enough about how you think. Your opinion is just that. It's your opinion. Once you once you adapt that particular mindset, so and so is talking about me, so what? Don't care. It's their opinion. They're entitled to their opinion, no matter how wrong their opinion may be. It's their opinion. But why does it bother us so much about what somebody said about us, especially if you know it's not true? That's part of evolution. Once you get to that point where this person's opinion doesn't matter, that you realize that what they say is really not gonna affect your day-to-day life. It's just words. Let it go. Waters off a duck's ass, let it roll. You know, just keep it moving. I saw your face light up, so let's see what them stats look like.

Speaker 2 33:04

So I checked it and um it does say that it went up slightly, but it says it went up um 2.4%, but only because of court closures, which makes sense because everything was closed. So everybody that were already in the process were kind of linked in to the people that were new to the process. Um, and they had to all wait until the courts reopened, and then there was an influx of them, you know, finalizing those divorces because in 2022 it dropped significantly, but it went back to pre-COVID numbers. So they said there was about 630, uh, 630,505 divorces in uh 2020, and that's including pre-divorce versus the new ones that were starting.

Speaker 1 34:04

Was that 635 K or 635 period?

Speaker 2 34:07

No, 635,505.

Speaker 1 34:11

Okay.

Speaker 2 34:12

Yeah, so it was a lot, but it was like everybody was roped up into one nationwide.

Speaker 1 34:19

One number. I'm tired.

Speaker 2 34:25

Yeah, because it says that um from 2019 to 2020. Um, but then it says the um numbers went back down in 2000, 2001, 2022, and still currently. Um, it actually says that divorce rates are actually are dropping right now. Um maybe some people are being a little more um cautious, but this is according to the CDC. So, and um DBMA family law group. So they talked about the um divorce rates and that. And it says around the world, it says some places have an increase, but some places didn't. They're like Australia, theirs keep going, keeps dropping more than any other country. So maybe everybody should just uh get married in Australia. Maybe the borders rate is the lowest in any other country. Man, we probably have I wonder who has the highest divorce rate. What country has the highest?

Speaker 1 35:40

It's definitely gonna be the US. Definitely gonna be the we should have that one by a landslide. It was an Olympic event.

Reclaiming Your Power: The Accountability Shift

Speaker 35:49

The US I know, like we do, I think, and especially since every everything is a state by state. Um, here it we have so many states that um they really don't want to get in the middle of it, you know, and that's why there's so many states that are no fault states, like Florida, no-fault state. Um they're like you guys have what irreparable difference. Right. How about you guys just ending? We don't want to be in the middle. Pay a little $400, we'll call it quits right now. You ready to sign? You ready to sign?

Speaker 1 36:24

I really wish it was that simple. Please just sign. Unfortunately, you know what? We're not gonna go there.

Speaker 2 36:30

We didn't get it. Um, wow, it says Ohio has the highest force rate. Wow. Ohio. What is going on in Ohio? I have no idea what those people are doing, no idea what they're what they're doing in Ohio, but uh don't go to Ohio, y'all. After Ohio, it says Oregon, Oregon is O R. And then Dothan, Alabama. Next is oh my god, this is the this is the social studies getting me. AR Arkansas. Wait a minute. I think A Z is Arizona. Arizona, correct, correct.

Speaker 37:09

Okay, okay, so Arkansas pause next. And then after Arkansas is Daytona Beach, Florida. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 37:17

I can see that one being high. Any place with a beach I can see being high. Yeah.

Speaker 2 37:25

I'm surprised it didn't say like California or New York. It's got all these like random kind of cities. Like they're so random. Bayette County, Ohio, and then Metford, Oregon, Dothan, Alabama, Fort Smith, Arkansas, and Deltana, Daytona Beach, Florida. That's so random. Like some random cities. You know what? They probably get you doing wars. Because they ain't got nothing to do out there. There's nothing. There is nothing in Deltona, Dayton. There's nothing there. It's just houses, bunch of farmlands. I mean, hell, they just now building like Walmarts, you know, in Deltona, Dayton. Like, there's nothing out there. I've I've not been to the all other. I've been to Dalton. There's nothing in Dalton. Absolutely nothing in Dalton. Well, I've been to Dalton. There's nothing there.

Speaker 1 38:27

Got nothing. I have nothing to add to that.

Speaker 2 38:30

Manfred just sounds country. I'm sorry. That just sounds hillbilly-ish.

Speaker 1 38:35

I I have nothing. I got nothing.

Speaker 2 38:40

If you are listening, we love you.

Speaker 1 38:44

Congratulations on your divorce, okay?

Speaker 2 38:46

Congratulations. On your divorce and saving some money. Because whether you know it or not, still gonna save you a little coin, a little bit, probably more than it would if you were still together. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 39:01

Holding me? Hell I mean I need a lawyer, man.

Speaker 2 39:08

You need you need Medea. Medea, get it straight. You want this half or you want this?

Speaker 1 39:24

Where at? Give us free.

Speaker 2 39:26

Oh my god, what movie was that? I gotta watch that. She said you want this half or this half.

Speaker 1 39:31

That would be diary of a mad black woman.

Speaker 2 39:33

Well, that's what it was.

Speaker 1 39:35

That was the one.

Speaker 39:36

I gotta watch that again. Oh my goodness. That is true.

Speaker 1 39:40

Yes. Um, gotta grow. Gotta go. Gotta let them go.

Speaker 2 39:45

Yeah.

Speaker 1 39:46

That's that's the main thing. You gotta learn when to let people go.

Speaker 2 39:50

Yeah, that's important. That is so important. Like, don't hold on to people that are not worth being held on to. Because all you're doing is wasting more your life, your sanity, your fighting, your mental health, your your health in general.

Speaker 1 40:07

Thank you.

Speaker 2 40:08

Health in general. Like, people don't realize like stressors is a killer. Like, literally, it causes heart disease, heart failure, like migraines, muscle weakness. I mean, the list is long. The list is long. So, is it really worth it? No. Is it really worth it?

Speaker 1 40:32

It is not worth it at all. At all. So letting go of people. Find ask yourself this question. Do you find yourself doing more certain individuals than they do for you? When you call them, are they quick to respond to you as you are to respond to them? Can you really count on them? Can you call them at two o'clock in the morning and they actually answer the phone? Can they call you at two o'clock in the morning and will you answer the phone? If that person won't do that for you, why are you doing it for them? They clearly have shown you your value to them. Believe them the first time. Stop sugarcoating things and stop saying, Oh, that's just how they is. No, they like that with you. You know, uh again, people only do what you allow them to do. And if your boundaries are flexible, meaning that you can constantly bend, you say, I'm not gonna do this no more, and then you turn around and you do it again. Oh, I ain't gonna put up with this no more, and you find yourself still putting up with it. If the message is hitting all minutes for you, what you have to do is just understand that it's okay. Accept it for what it is. Now that you see the truth, change.

Speaker 2 41:44

Right.

Speaker 1 41:45

Set strong boundaries and stand on it. Do not cross. You are not welcome. Here, let them out, let them go.

3 Practical Steps to Reset Your Identity Today

Speaker 2 41:53

And you know, I think um another thing too, when you're letting go of people, I feel like a part of you probably would feel like you're letting go of yourself too, you know, and it's like you need to be okay with grieving that old you, with grieving those people that you are letting out of your life. Because if you don't, there's a there's a possibility that without that grievance, you could be setting yourself up for failure by allowing that old pattern to regress and come back and then start all over. And people are good at tiptoeing back into your life. People are so good at it. They're like, Oh, yeah, I think, you know, maybe they have changed and maybe things are better. You know, maybe I can let my guard down. And it's like, you know, look, no, be hard, make the hard decision, let go, grieve yourself, grieve them, and say, I'm not doing this anymore. When you really do that, that means that they cannot open that door. Let them try to wiggle themselves back in. You're gonna go, uh, no fella, no ma'am, no sir. We're not doing this again. And then you'll see that you're you'll be proud of that decision because you already know what's getting ready to come. And I get it because I mean my ex and I broke up six times, and everybody was like, You are freaking crazy. I would never love hearing people say I would never because you really don't know what you'll do in certain situations. Like sometimes your yourself like just gets caught up in certain things, and you do end up putting yourself in situations that you were like, dang, I knew better, I shouldn't have done that. And it's just uh it's just that regression because you didn't really allow yourself to grieve something and let it go. And people think like just because you break up with somebody or you leave somebody, that that's not a grievance, there's no grieving process to that. There is grieving process to that. You can grieve losing a friend who's still alive, you can grieve losing a spouse who is still alive. That's healthy. There is nothing wrong with that. But you have to see within that grievance that you're like, oh, these are the reasons that I'm doing this. Because I need this growth. Because I want this better life. Because I'm not gonna sit here for the rest of my life still dealing with the same malarchy that I was dealing with before. You know? And it's a process. What what is it? Seven seven stages of of grieving. Go ahead and allow yourself to do that. I feel like that's important. I think people feel like like you were mentioning before, like sometimes people think that they're weak when they like um are able to like feel, you know, especially guys or whatever. Like, I don't know what it is about like being like vulnerable in a sense, you know, and understanding like I have to be vulnerable and allow these feelings to like, you know, come out. And then it's like, okay, if you allow these feelings to come out, that's like purging. That's so healthy for your body, and it it gives you it literally builds, it builds your brain system. Like you feel like a completely new person, and that's what you are looking for. Ultimately, you're looking to be new, you're looking to be whole again when someone's like slowly picking out pieces of you and slowly breaking down. Like it's the art of uh literally the art of becoming a new you, forming yourself into a masterpiece because ultimately that's what we all are our own masterpiece, and we are the ones that have to continue to build and create us, you know, along with our maker who gave you the gifts to do that, gave you the empowerment to do that, gave you the ability to have a choice to do that. Now, if you make that choice, red pill blue pill, it's up to you. You want to take, but you gotta take one or the other.

Speaker 1 45:56

You know, it's real pill conversations over here. You're gonna have to face the truth when you come talk to us. We're gonna keep the real, we're gonna keep it all. Yeah, there's a lot to that. There's a lot to grow, there's a lot to grieving. I like I like how you put that to to grieve someone who's still alive. Part of letting go is that grievance. Part of, but you have to realize why you're in this situation. Because it's not like this person just did one thing.

Speaker 2 46:26

Right. No, facts.

Speaker 1 46:29

Gotta look at it for the full picture. You know what I'm saying? You don't do this, you don't do this. You said you won't do this, but you didn't do it. You know what I'm saying? It's it's just all these things that just continuously add up and they compound. Motherfucker, your weight over on this side. You outweighing, you're good, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, you doing too much negative things, you bringing in too much negative energy for me to even consider the one, two, three, maybe five good things that you've actually done. You've outweighed that. Why are we in this situation? You have to accept self. You have to understand that you don't have to be perfect. You have to understand that we all have flaws. And believe it or not, even when people look like they got it together and they look like they're just navigating life, those be the ones that be with the most pain and sorrow because they want to appear as if they got it all figured out. And I assure you, no one does. Yeah. You know, you take it back to, I've seen commercials where um people have the first baby, and you see how delicate they treat the child, this, that, and the third, you know what I'm saying? By child two, child three, it's like you you learn to multitask.

Speaker 2 47:41

Right.

Speaker 3 47:42

I'm in the shower, the baby's in the shower with me, I'm bracing my teeth while I got the baby, and I'm in the shower. You know what I'm saying? You're doing three different things at one time, you know. So it's like you learn to adapt, you learn to overcome situations. You learn that patterns, uh, you learn patterns. And like I told you before, with music, music is patterns, musician, you know what I'm saying? Artistic. So you learn certain patterns of things. You do this, I'm gonna do that. You learn how people or if you do that, then I'm gonna do this. So it's a beat. And again, once you change up that beat, you do something different, i.e., evolve, set a boundary, you understand that I'm not going to put up with this. And no, we will not do this anymore. I'm not finna argue with you.

Speaker 2 48:26

Hey, my God, yes.

Healing Loudly: Final Thoughts from Unc and Arya

Speaker 1 48:29

Just because somebody comes with that energy does not mean that you have to return said energy. Sometimes strength looks like walking away. A stronger person is the person who's actually more resolved, the person who you can't really shake, the ones that we call nonchalant. I got called that the other day, that I was nonchalant. And I mean, and so I my reply to that was would you prefer that I overreact to everything? Why is it that me being in control of my emotions is looked at negatively when it should actually be the other way around. Some people strive up for chaos.

Speaker 2 49:06

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 49:07

They gotta have that back and forth. That's how I know that you care because you're in your feelings. You're showing some form of emotion. And lots of times it's not about true strength comes from within. It's not what you exude out. As they say, that strong, silent type. You know, people understand that there's strength silence this because you can't read me and because you don't know what I'm really thinking. Now you project and you think, or you must be knowing you must must be is not an absolute.

Speaker 2 49:40

Right, right.

Speaker 1 49:42

It's your opinion, once again, being forced upon me. I never said that. If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. If that makes me nonchalant, I'll be there. I'm in control of my emotions. That's how I choose to look at that. You call it whatever you want. But just because you feel that way doesn't mean that that's how I feel. And when you get to a point where you can look at what somebody says or somebody does, if somebody tells you that they don't like something about you, just tell them up front to their face, you don't like me. Watch the reaction. They'll tell you, yes, I do. Well, if you do, then why are you trying to change so many things about me? Why is it that you're telling me you don't like these things? Or if you don't like these things, this is just how I am. Can I change? Yeah, I could, but do I want? Do I want? You know, I might not want to change.

Speaker 2 50:28

I might be the reason for that change anyway.

Speaker 1 50:30

Because somebody else wants to put you in. Because somebody else they want to put you in that damn box. I'm sorry, I don't fit there.

Speaker 2 50:37

Right.

Speaker 1 50:39

Not Origami You can't fold this beat. I don't fit. You can't fold me like that. You know what I'm saying? I'm cut from a different cloth. I'm gonna be me. And if you don't like me, then you do not have to be a and more people need to develop that attitude.

Speaker 2 50:52

What habits are shaping you? You know, what what are you being fit? What's feeding you? I think that's important. You can't just let people decide your every way and your every mood, what you're gonna do, how you're gonna dress, how you're gonna act, how you're gonna talk. Because the list will keep going. And eventually that's square one because you're not you.

Speaker 1 51:13

I want to do a review on this. There was a video that I saw. I don't know if you saw it. It was actually on TikTok. I don't know if I sent it to you or not, but you will love this one. So there was this young lady, she's sitting and doing her makeup. Her guy keeps busting through the door. And, you know, saying he's constantly uh, he first she comes in, he's like, What you doing? She's like, Oh, nothing, just doing my makeup. She goes through it, she's putting her makeup on. He keeps coming back. Hey, I know we were supposed to do this right here, but we, you know what I'm saying, ain't gonna be able to do it. She always comes back through the door. Hey, my baby mama, da-da-da. I need some money. Can you pay this? And it kept going on and on and on. Meanwhile, she's steadily doing her makeup. By the time she's done doing her makeup, he busts back in once once more and be like, oh, that's a new look. It looks good on you. And then, you know what I'm saying, and kept going. The young lady is literally putting on clown makeup, does the whole thing. By the time she puts on the wig, he comes in and tells her that she it looks good on her. You have to see it, you have to understand. Once you see it, you will get it.

Speaker 2 52:08

Like, I see it. I'm just like, wow.

Speaker 1 52:12

Right. But the message was so clear.

Speaker 52:15

Yeah.

Join the Tribe: Merch and Community Access

Speaker 3 52:16

It's like, don't do that. Don't be that person. You don't have to please anyone but self. If people don't like you for who you are, they're not for you. In fact, you need to get the out your circle because that will be your biggest downfall. Absolutely. You know, those individuals who are only there for what you can do for them for something that they benefit from. Are you benefiting in the exact same manner? Is it equal? Give and take.

Speaker 2 52:43

Right.

Speaker 1 52:44

If it's not, let it lose. I know it's hard because I've been knowing this person for so long, or we've been through so much. You know, whatever it might be, whatever bond, trauma bond, that's holding you guys together, realize what it is. Is it a true bond?

Speaker 2 52:58

Right.

Speaker 1 52:59

Is it a real bond? The trauma bond.

Speaker 2 53:02

I feel like that goes into like like a danger zone of being besides. Stay the same. I don't like to say stay in the same view because you don't even think that that's you, anyways. You're being the image of someone else for someone else. That's not being careful, but there is there's a fine line in staying in that same zone. Like, that's I mean, I already spoke about your like health reasons, but I'm like, you know, like it's dangerous because you're not being real. Like are you even comfortable being the same? Or is it still rattling in your head that like you don't even like the person that you are? You don't even like what you look like and how you sound and how you're acting, you're not being fit. It just makes me think like, do you feel do you feel comfortable? Do you feel like you don't have a safe way out? Um, it kind of just makes me think of those things because I even think about my situation. I'm like, why the heck did I stay with somebody so long and allow them to keep overstepping my boundaries and keep coming back into my life and keep treating me like shit and like all these things. And why in the world was I doing that? And I I keep asking myself this, and it's funny because I'm I've like started counseling with my partner, and that was one of the things that the counselor was like, she was like, I'm actually curious to like dig deep into that as well to figure out why, especially because in my situation, I mean mine's is a little bit interesting because I grew up with a great father and both my parents and household, they grew up in a two-parent household uh uh in a two-separate household. I grew up in a two-parent household where my parents worked together and my parents raised us together. It was not oh I'm going to dad's house every other week. It was uh like that, you know. I saw my dad every single day, you know, unless I was out of town at a camp at families or whatever like that. I saw my dad every single day. And I talked to my dad. And so for me to have had such a great relationship with my father, it just shows me how supposed to be treated, shows me how people should be treating me and even in a relationship, you know, the even the small things opening up my door, pulling my chair out, like little small thing. And then you go and you be with somebody that doesn't even do those things. Like, why? Like, wouldn't you have feelings and saying like this is okay? Was it real? Was it safety? Was it because you're too busy to be trying to be loyal? And I I look at that and I'm like, I think it was a little bit of all of that. It was like, I feel like I'm trying to be loyal. But loyal to who? Because I'm I'm maybe trying not loyal to myself because myself knew better. I knew how I was supposed to be treated, and I chose loyalty over some to someone, or I gave that loyalty to someone else. I think we need to do better with like making sure that we are loyal to ourselves and forgiving to ourselves, to forgiving enough to know, like, okay, we messed up. This is not what we wanted, this does not make us happy, this does not help us help us grow. So now we're gonna get rid of that growth of chaoticness and be real and authentic with ourselves, you know.

Speaker 3 56:39

Playas fu fuck up too, you know.

Speaker 2 56:42

Because I just feel like if I I just I I think and I'm like, if I say that same person, let him come in again. I mean, nine times out of ten, the same thing was gonna happen again. It may not have happened immediately, but damn sure it's gonna happen again. Because the person gets comfortable, they can do all the begging and pleading and sorry, and all these other things like that, and get you, get you comfortable, get you right where they got you. Feel like they're showing you the world, and you like I see, I see the new person, I see that they're doing great, and they're gonna get comfortable, they're gonna get real comfortable and show you what they have shown you before. My Angelo have said when people show you who they are, believe them. Believe them, because no fool ain't lying. They showing you, they and they okay about it. That's the crazy part. They are okay about it. They've accepted themselves for they've accepted their shenanigans and they are not gonna change. Feeling safe, um, pretending to be pretending to be someone else, um, the danger zone.

Speaker 1 57:53

That's what it was. So what we what what I was looking at is um not not danger zone, but um when you talk about people pretending to be, how people will show in, they'll come in and be everything that you so the segment that I was looking at is during the dating process, you know, where you asked a lot all the questions and things of that nature, you know, because one of the questions that I started asking people was about the triggers. I had one woman actually tell me that's for me to figure out. And initially I was upset with her. Listen, hear me out. Because see, this is why I said this is something that we should probably do on a panel type discussion, as a matter of fact. Yeah, because today I get her. When she said it then, it didn't make sense to me. But thinking about what you just said, how how people show you what you want to see. Think about what she what she's looking at. You know what I'm saying? So it's like if I tell you what my triggers are, you just don't play in this arena at all, which is not a bad thing. All right. But at the same time, you don't get to know me and you're showing me what I want to see as opposed to who you really are. So I get where she's coming from now. Before, it was like that shit don't make sense to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, why do all this extra work when we can just have the conversation up front? I know that this is a boundary for you. I know not to play in that arena. I get that part. But at the same time, today, I look at it like if somebody really wants to get to know me, then they'll ask the right question.

Speaker 2 59:24

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 59:25

If you don't want to get to know me, and if you really surface level, then you won't. You just see what you like. And as long as I hold your attention, you'll be there. So if I don't have to pretend to be someone, that's why I was I was getting at. You know what I'm saying? So could perhaps it could be a good segment and just and I don't know, we'll roll with one day. I don't know. What do you think? What's your thoughts?

Speaker 2 59:47

Yeah, no, that's that's good because I feel like I think everybody at the beginning, you know, you have uh, I don't know, you just kind of have this role where you feel like you want to put your best foot forward to like you don't want to be like the crazy person, you know, up front or whatever, you know, there's certain things you it's so oh my goodness. I was just watching um the Brandy Cinderella, Roger Hammerstein's version. And um uh Bernadette Peters, she said uh one of the quotes was she's the the the stepmom or whatever. She's like, remember girls, we hide our flaws until after the wedding.

Speaker 1 1:00:34

Wow, wow. Now you can find out all the shit that you should have known before we got married. Wow.

Speaker 2 1:00:42

Because I feel like people do, they just like, you know, they don't wash out like who their true sales are because they feel like maybe it's bad or this person's not gonna like you. And honestly, I feel like yo, show me who you are, you know, show me your good, bad, and ugly. Because at the end of the day, like we're both we're both on a time. You don't know how much time you have on this earth. I don't know how much time I have on this earth. So why why what let us keep going down this rabbit hole just because we're attracted to each other? You know how many people we can be attracted to? Like, you know, it's not like you're the only person in this world that you know looks good, you know, because initially a lot of times that's what it is, you know. It's like, oh, this person looks nice, you know. Even friends, even friends, you make friends like yo, this person looks nice, or this person dresses okay, or I like the I like this person's style or glass or whatever. And it's just like, okay, you're being in a relationship for this reason, but like little growth from the people, you know, like it's gonna be more to it. So I don't wanna waste any time. I don't want you to waste my time, and I'm not gonna waste your time either. You're gonna know I'm I'm I'm I'm a lot silly. You're gonna know I'm a little goofy. I send crazy stuff, I speak in movies, and if you can't get with it, and I started talking in my little accents, and I'm goofy and being silly, and you can't get with me, you're like, oh my god, you're too immature for me, then guess what? How are you?

Speaker 1 1:02:20

I'm trying to tell you like goofy, like so.

Speaker 2 1:02:26

It's like you have to I don't know, I feel like don't like don't pretend, don't hide your smile until after the wedding because all you gotta do is get a divorce. That's it, because it's gonna cost you it's gonna cost you. Why?

Speaker 1 1:02:40

If you just open an up front, up front, then your compatibility grows tremendously. Yeah, absolutely are really truly compatible with that person.

Speaker 2 1:02:53

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 1:02:54

You know, hey, I'm goofy. You know what I'm saying? If you can't be goofy with me, yo can't be goofy.

Speaker 2 1:03:03

I'll get bored with you. I will get bored real quick.

Speaker 1 1:03:07

If I can't sit in the corner with you, be like, hey, hey, look at it right. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 1:03:12

And that's about that's another reason that uh that's another part of you know becoming the new you is understanding like you know what, I don't have to hide these things. These these are my values, these are my strengths, these are my weaknesses, because I have some and I'm laying them down and I'm okay with that. So I just need a partner, a friend, uh, a coworker, an associate, an acquaintance, or whatever to be on board with those things to get me through whatever conversation I'm having with you, whatever experience I'm having with you. Because if I can't get through these things with you authentically, we're not going to go forward. And I'm letting you know up front that this is who I am. I know who I am, it's up to you to either accept it or to keep it pushed. And I'm not begging anyone to stay in my life or be in my circle.

Speaker 1 1:04:10

Right. Stop chasing, stop chasing people.

Speaker 2 1:04:14

Oh my god.

Speaker 1 1:04:16

Chasing approval, Stop was chasing validation, valid. You do not need it. If somebody else has to tell you that what you did was good, but you know, a whole nother episode. We know where that comes from. You know what I'm saying? That that goes all the way back to childhood, whether you like to believe it or not. You know, you need validation because you were taught that if you do XYZ, I'll give you this gold star.

Speaker 2 1:04:46

Right. You want a sticker?

Speaker 1 1:04:49

Right.

Speaker 2 1:04:50

You need a sticker? I can give you a sticker.

Speaker 1 1:04:53

A fucking cookie, nigga, where like you do not need anybody's validation. Did you feel good about what it is that you said and or did? Did it make you feel good? Did it make you feel good because it fueled your ego?

Speaker 2 1:05:08

Mm-hmm. Ego.

Speaker 1 1:05:09

Or did you did it genuinely just make you feel good inside where it was damn near soul touching? There's a difference. Do you understand the differences between the two? Because all of that is included in the evolving . You know what I'm saying? Into the new you. Am I feeding ego? Am I feeding my true soul purpose? You know, it's like I was telling people, you know, for me, this podcast something I've always wanted to do. The issue that I have, it's not talking, it's being on camera. I I hate being on camera. It's not that, you know, it's not because I'm embarrassed or anything of that nature. It's not like I'm ashamed of being in front of the camera. It's just I genuinely hate being in front of a camera because of my childhood. You know, say I realize that. It's like you're still carrying that from where. Back when evolving into the new you, taking that stuff that's out of the closet that you put in there a long time ago. The shit you swept underneath that rug a long time ago on the side that you just wasn't gonna deal with. Yeah, you gotta pull that out. It's time to deal with that. It's time to clean. You know what I'm saying? It's time to get rid of it.

Speaker 2 1:06:18

Clean up shot.

Speaker 1 1:06:19

Yes, because those are the things that's holding you back.

Speaker 2 1:06:23

Gotta be born again.

Speaker 1 1:06:26

Right.

Speaker 2 1:06:27

Born again.

Speaker 1 1:06:28

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 1:06:31

In a sense, that's how it is.

Speaker 1 1:06:33

But the bot the bottom line up front is that if you find yourself attracting the same person in different bodies, nine times out of ten, it's because they are attracted to something that you fail to heal. So you keep learning that same lesson over and over again.

Speaker 2 1:06:49

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:06:49

Until you learn to deal with whatever it is that you decided I don't want to deal with. You're going to keep getting that same person in your life. Once you set that boundary, once you establish that strength, that inner strength, to say, this is me. This is me. I don't care if you like me or not. I'm not here to please you. I'm not here to make you like me. I say what I say, and I'm in what I said. I'm real and I'm authentic. The words that I say are true, excepting for I want me to see them. If you say that, now I don't believe it, don't believe it. I don't go around chasing your validation wanting you to believe what I said. I see what I said, and I meant it. I am who I am.

Speaker 2 1:07:29

I'm a peacock. You gotta let me fly. Wait, what? Wait, what?

Speaker 1 1:07:33

But yeah, that's be who you are. Be cheerful.

Speaker 2 1:07:35

First we're in a blender. Now we're saving lives. What?

Speaker 1 1:07:39

The funny part is like you it's man. Right, that's been another episode of All In One. Thanks guys for coming out. Hope you guys got something from this podcast. Please remember to like, subscribe, check out some of the videos off in the corners here. And as always, it's been a while. It's been that long.

Speaker 2 1:08:00

We're all in.

Speaker 1 1:08:01

We're all in one. It's been that long. Got damnnn .