Dead-Ass Tired: How to Keep Pushing Through Burnout | AIO UNC & ARYA

Are you just sleepy, or are you mentally and spiritually exhausted? In Part 2 of this series, UNC and TheArya tackle the reality of "the push." We dive into the spiritual drain of the "ups and downs," the power of shifting your frequency, and why finding your own pace is the only way to survive the journey. It's time to stop rehearsing the exhaustion and start protecting your peace.

Are you just sleepy, or are you mentally and spiritually exhausted? In Part 2 of this series, UNC and TheArya tackle the reality of "the push." We dive into the spiritual drain of the "ups and downs," the power of shifting your frequency, and why finding your own pace is the only way to survive the journey. It's time to stop rehearsing the exhaustion and start protecting your peace.

In this episode of AIO Real and Authentic, we go deep into the mechanics of burnout. We often think we’re just physically tired, but we ignore the emotional and spiritual drain that comes with being a high-performer or a "cycle breaker."

UNC and TheArya discuss the difference between prayer and meditation for healing, the necessity of "Space and Grace," and how to recognize when your body is signaling that it’s time to pivot rather than just push.

✨ JOIN THE MOVEMENT: https://linktr.ee/REALANDAUTHENTIC

Transcript

The Intro: Are you sleepy or are you "Dead-Ass Tired"? 02:15 - The Cycle of the Push: Navigating the spiritual ups and downs.

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome back to All in One, ladies and gentlemen. This is the podcast where we keep it real. We keep it authentic. Today we're going back into a part two. We're talking about how do you continue to keep pushing when you dead ass tired? How do you keep pushing through? You know what I'm saying? Cause I know when it comes to me, he don't want to work, boss. Um, so what do we do? How do you keep moving? You know what I'm saying? Like, life is life, and things is coming at you left and right. What do you do? How do you keep moving when you got so many things that you still gotta take care of? And it just doesn't seem to stop. There's no relief in sight, at least it seems. So let's talk about it. Arya, what you got?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yeah, so let's clarify this, guys. We're not talking sleepy like you getting ready to pass out and fall asleep, although that can be one of the issues. But being tired mentally, you know, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, dealing with the dramas of life, the ups and downs, it just drains you, honestly. You know, there are times where you feel like, you know, I need a breather, but then you're like, damn, I'm just exhausted and I just want to be lazy. But then I think like maybe that lazy is a little bit of a uh sign of depression, you know, because you literally are just exhausted with so many things. It's not like you want to fall asleep, but you're just like tired of the ups and downs and the ebbs and flows not working for you. So, in these particular cases, what I personally like to do is meditate. I think a lot of people um really take meditation for granted. I've been doing it a lot more lately than I used to, and I see a huge difference. And then there's the other end of it too, because like, not to go into like religion or anything, but like a lot of people who are Christian feel like you can't meditate. It's like like I've heard like a lot of people saying, like, oh no, you're praying. I'm like, what's the difference between prayer and meditate? Don't worry, I'll wait.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

There is a difference. There actually is a difference.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

No, but like like when I'm saying what I mean is like you're still giving up a part of yourself, you know, to like really just like relax and and just let things come to you. It's like letting go of like these the heavy emotions, the heavy burdens of things. I feel like prayer in a sense is is the same thing, except it's more like I'm vocalizing to a higher power instead of like into oneself or into nature. That's kind of how I see things. I mean, others probably see it differently. I mean, there's always so many different ways that people interpret, you know, certain things. But that's kind of like how I interpret it. And it's um, for me, it's just really giving myself space and grace to understand, like, wow, this actually is a lot. And you know, it's okay that it that I'm going through a lot. It's okay that I feel this emotional burden because I mean, let's face it, this is life. We're not promised to have 100% good days. There's nothing in this world that's gonna say, oh, you have 100% good days. Because if you say you have 100% good days, uh, please tell me your secret. Make sure you drop the comments at the bottom and tell me what you're doing.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Right, right.

Prayer vs. Meditation: Choosing the right frequency for healing.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Because I need to know what your secrets are, you know. But I've actually gotten more into in tune with myself and understanding like when I do have my lows and how I do know need to like slow down. Understanding that, okay, I need to take a pause, you know, like not just keep draining and over extenuating myself. Like, really just take a pause. Think about everything that I am carrying, whether it's like relationship problems, sexual problems, spiritual problems, friendship problems. Because I mean, people think that like just because you have friends, you don't have problems with your friends. And that's not true either, you know. Um, although it's it's so funny. I was just talking to a girlfriend of mine, and I was like, you know what? We've actually never had an argument as long as I've known her. Never had an argument, you know, and that's pretty, pretty impressive. But that doesn't mean that I like agree with everything that she says, or vice versa. We just legitimate, let never had an argument. It's always be like, it's always one of those, like, but I think, you know, this way, or I feel, you know, this way. And and then the other person's like, yeah, but I think it should be this or I think it should be that. And then we kind of be like, well, you know, we'll figure it out. We just kind of like let it go. I don't know how we've managed to do that in the over 20 years that we've been friends, like almost 25 years we've been friends, and we legitimately like never had an argument. That's pretty, pretty impressive. But so yeah, so digging into like the different types of um tired, um, like tiredness that I have been going through or that I've like acknowledged in myself is like one, the first thing was just being emotionally tired. Just everything I've been going through from like trying to get through this old relationship to this new relationship, and you know, holding on to like these feelings that I feel are not one that I can really express as much as I want to sometimes because I'm very, I'm very emotional, but at the same time very private. Like I don't like to let people know when I'm breaking down. And it's crazy because I've noticed that it's kind of like a like a Coke bottle, you know? You shake it up, and then all of a sudden you take the top off, and then it just explodes. And and that's me all day. That's me all day. I've noticed that. Like, I have to be, well, I don't have to be, but I feel like I have to be the strong one. I have to be the one that just makes things happen. I'm the one that checks on the friend. I'm the one that gives the positive energy. I'm the one that's lifting up everyone else. And it is just so emotionally draining for me to do that. And then I know I'm also an empath. So there's the other part of me who like I empathize so much that I'm like taking on other emotions of other people, which is what I spoke about before. And it's like, that's draining. That's extremely tiring. And it I'm still learning, but I've definitely improved so much when it comes to now I know what these triggers are, and I don't always have to be that strong friend. Like sometimes it's okay to be like, you know what, I know you're having a bad day, and I know you called me for assistance, but I can't I don't have the space to hold for you right now, and I actually need, you know, grace and I can't, you know, help you right now. You just have to be honest, you know, and not everyone is gonna be receptive of that, obviously, because I had another friend who I had a conversation with, and um I could tell they were off, like they were a little upset, maybe because I haven't reached out or whatever. But at the same time, I'm like, neither have you, boo. Neither have you. You haven't reached out, but I'm not doing that, obviously, because I'm not that type of person. But at the same time, in my head, I'm thinking, like, dang, it's kind of messed up that you're upset that I haven't reached out to you, but you haven't reached out to me. And I am actually going through some stuff right now. I'm like literally drained from everything that I have to deal with when it comes to work, when it comes to relationships, when it comes to my house, when it comes to my health, when it comes to just everything that I'm going through. Just regular adulting shit. Like I mean, you know, I'm just going through it like everybody else. And like, I'm sorry, mom, but you you gotta reach out to me too. It's it's called a relationship for a reason. You know, it's just because it's a friendship does not mean it's not still a relationship. I bounce off of you, you bounce off of me. We have to work this thing out together, and we have to hold space for one another and be okay when one person cannot always be there for the other person like we want to, you know? That's kind of that's this is one of my definitions of being uh tired, but yeah, emotionally tired, mentally tired, and spiritually tired, just those those three things.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

Absolutely, you know, and thank you for sharing, you know what I'm saying? Because I know it can be tough just to get out here and and and put yourself out here. That can be draining as well on you, you know. It's so many things that that can get you to that point where of exhaustion, to that brink of I just can't take anymore. You know, it all depends on how you how you perceive it or how you got yourself in tune.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah. Got these shits riding on the back of my head so that you wouldn't show this thing, and then it was just fell off. I got it. Yeah, man. That's too funny.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

You should. Uncut, real and authentic, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

And we keep it worded.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

We keep it worded, right? But there's so many things that you can do, you know what I'm saying? Like I said, it was it depends on how you got yourself into that situation. You know, uh, a lot of times, what we end up doing, especially people pleasers or, you know what I'm saying, previous ex-people pleasers, uh, we ended up doing a lot of things to help people because we like to help people. And, you know, I've stated it before, it's like from time to time, you'll end up carrying so much of the load, it's like, you know, somebody asks you to do something, especially if it's a work relationship. It's like, hey, can you take care of this for me? Can you take care of that for me? And next thing, you know, you're doing so much. They ask you for so many small tasks that you don't even realize that you're carrying the majority of the workload until it's like you find yourself honestly working from home because there's not enough hours in the day to do your work because you're too busy doing somebody else's work. So again, that goes back to setting those boundaries. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna be able to do it, or you know, and and standing firm on those boundaries. Now, one of the things that you said is like uh that I did want to kind of touch on, because I feel like I have just a slightly different perspective of praying and meditation. I just feel like when you pray, you talk to God. But when you meditate, you listen. You know, I feel like that is the biggest difference to me. It's like you're not really saying anything, you're just in receive mode or to feel or to get whatever message that it is that's that's out there for you. Whatever it is that you're supposed to receive, if you sit still long enough and clear your mind, take those deep breaths, you'll you'll gear that message. Clear as day. Whether that be in a commercial, it's something that you was thinking, next thing you know, you've seen it on the television somewhere. Or you scroll, you're doom scrolling and somebody just said the exact same thing that you was already thinking. That's their confirmation for that message that you were thinking about, you know? That comes in meditation. You know what I'm saying? When you actually sit in top, it's not necessarily sitting in silence either. Because you can meditate while you're listening to music. You know, it's whatever gets you in that ebb and flow, you can be working out. And that could be that channel for you. So it comes in different ways, you know what I'm saying? Sitting still obviously is the best way, in my opinion, to receive that message that you need to receive. Because I meditate a lot. And because, you know, people see me, I've gotten to the point, man, where I make sure to keep a heavy uh earbud in my ear now, because I talk to myself so damn much, people be looking at me like I'm crazy. And I'm talking about I'm having a full-blown conversation. Hilarious. But I'm serious, but and people walk by and I just point to my ear at this point because it's like I I realize that's that's what I do. But I get the answers that I want, nonetheless. You know what I mean? So um there's that. And then when you when it comes down to it, when you really are, truly are, overwhelmed, and it's like, how am I going to be able to get over this? How can I accomplish whatever it is, whatever the task, whatever the situation, just remember to take it in small chunks. Just like anything else, doing homework, you got a large paper or whatever it is you gotta write, write it in small chunks. You know, focus on this section here, right now, and give yourself ample time to be able to complete it, especially if you have a deadline. But don't try to do everything, don't stress, do not cram and try and write that 20-page paper in three hours at night, because you know that's what we do, especially when you're in college. If you just take time to write five, ten minutes a day, that paper would actually be done a lot quicker. And it's not stressing you. The thing about it is is we we often wait to the last moment. We procrastinate so long and just put stuff off. I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. Man, I had a tree fall because of high gusts of wind and tomorrow still hasn't come yet. I was supposed to bend out there and cut that damn tree up. You know, and it's still sitting there. So tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, procrastination. Not saying that it's a bad thing, but too much of anything is a bad thing. So if you procrastinate too long, then you continuously put off what you really need to do, then yeah, it's going to sneak up on you, so to speak. Not really. You had a deadline. You knew the deadline, you just procrastinated.

unknown 13:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

You know, that's just a real and authentic conversation. You know what I'm saying? So it's like sometimes we harden our own situations by putting things off and by procrastinating. Where again, if we just take it in small chunks, do a little bit here, a little bit there, a little bit there, and next thing you know, it's complete. And it all it took is just a couple minutes of I have a hard time focusing too. You know, I'm I'm a Pisces. So, like my attention span is one minute, I'm hyper-focused. And then the next minute is whatever. I don't care. You know? So, but when I'm hyper-focused on something, please believe it's gonna get done. At least 90% of it.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

No, I feel that. I feel that.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

So, yeah, but that's yeah, that's my two cents. What you got off?

The Lazy Trap: When your body demands a pivot, not a break.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Yeah, uh, no, I feel that too, because um I think that's why that's another reason why I say like I'm like mentally tired because I know how I am. Like, I'm obviously I'm five, six, two, but like I I zone in on certain things, and then I want to zone in on big facts. That way, it doesn't. I'm such a big planner, and like, you know, I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna do this and I have this, and I'm like scheduling things, and I have to be like really, really into it, and like don't talk to me because I'm only gonna hear like a small teensy weezy small bit of what you are trying to convey to me. And I'll be like, huh? That's what you're gonna get from me, huh? It's funny because my dad used to say, if you say, huh, you can hear. And I'd be like, nah, bruh. I don't honestly didn't hear anything, you know, and and then knowing that like I'm such an overthinker too. So, like, you know, even when I'm like planning things or I'm like trying to process things, like I'm overthinking and overanalyzing everything, you know. And I don't like gray areas. Like, I'm so against gray areas, it needs to be straight line. Sorry. Like, don't catch me on those, like, oh well, this is no. I need to know. Like, I need to know what it is, how I can get it done, if something needs to be fixed, what time it needs to be done. Like, I can't do the whole gray thing, you know. But then I'm like always trying to fix everything too. Like, I want everything to be right, you know. Like, I hate when I can't do certain things. It's so stressful for me. Like, I just want I literally just want everything to work and fall in place like it should be. You know, and for me, that is just it is mentally draining when I cannot make things align properly how I feel like it should. If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

It does, it does. And a perfection is the enemy of time. Uh, time is the enemy of perfection, however you want to look at it, right? A lot of times we want things to be perfect before we get off of them. Especially if you are working in a creative field. Oh, yeah. You know, because for us, it's like it's gotta be perfect. This represents me, my vision, or whatever it might be, however you're working, you know, saying with that process. And and a lot of times we hold on to things for so long because we want it perfect. And the reality is, is that we only really needed an 80% solution.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

And that was one of that's one of the things that, all right, confession story time. One of the reasons that you guys have not seen the podcast is because somebody, this guy over here, had been uh procrastinating, trying to get things out, trying to make sure that, you know, saying it sounded right or it looked right or whatever the case. And then it's like the thing about it is can they hear it? Or as Joe would say, did you die?

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Did you die? You know that to a student today, but did you die?

SPEAKER_02 17:57

So it doesn't have to be perfect. 80% solution is great in most cases. Because 80% for somebody who's an overachiever was well beyond what other people probably had been looking for to begin with. But for us, perfect must be all A's. Perfect must be, you know what I'm saying, anything l anything less than 90 is unacceptable. You know, that's perfect. You know, in reality, it's like And this is going back to one of those things we was talking about on the other podcast, you know what I'm saying? It's like uh future topics. It's like if you really sit back and thought about the number of professionals, air quote professionals, that only learn 70% of what it was that they needed to learn in order to be considered a professional. That was scary. You know, but at the same time, they realize you don't have to be perfect. You have to have I hate to say it that way, but it's almost like doing enough to get by and not overachieving. Because oftentimes when we overachieve, we hold on to things so long that we don't get them out in time. We're we're we're we missed the deadline, or we're over budget because you want you want the best of the best of the best with honors, and you don't really need the best of the best of the best with honors. All you really need is a will it will it survive what it needs to, you know what I'm saying? Will it reach its target target audience? That's the first thing. Will it reach the people that it needs to that needs to receive the message? Or or whatever product it may be, you know. But you gotta don't be mediocre. I'm we're not saying be mediocre. What we're saying is don't stress yourself over something that you cannot control if you can't control the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Small pieces at a time and keep it moving. That's all it is to it.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Right, right. Yeah, definitely. Um I feel like too, it's uh it's also I I think it has a lot to do with your patience too. Um, because let me tell you, I'm like, I'll like, you know, I'm like, I'll take okay, I'm gonna take my time. I'm not gonna rush this. Um, you know, I'm gonna make sure I do this right. But then it's like my patience is running thin because I want this right, you know, and I know that I'm on a time crunch and I know that I'm supposed to do whatever this job is, and it's like I'm fighting against both, you know, I'm fighting against like time and I'm fighting against like patience to understand like even if I can just get most of this out that it's okay, you know, and not over exert myself because I'm like this painting that I've been painting. I literally I'll go in and I'm like, I want to start this thing. I wanna paint, I wanna paint. And then I'm exhausted. But then I'm like, I'll keep going, I'll keep going because I'm like, well, you know, maybe I should just paint this area and then I can start over later. And then it's like it's like, girl, if you give yourself grace and just, you know, just be a little bit patient. Like you will get it done. It may not get done as fast as you think you're supposed to, whatever kind of fake clock you're going against, you know. But just be patient with yourself, give yourself grace, like it's gonna happen, you're gonna finish it. And then when you do, you'll be glad that you did finish it in the pace that you did because you didn't rush it.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Right, right. And certain things, just again, smaller projects. If you just take small projects, even if it's something that's big, if you can break down step one, hey, I finished step one today. Right. You know, hey, it's an accomplishment. You finish something.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

You know, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

That is big. That's major. You know what I'm saying? Go start.

The High-Performer’s Tax: Why high expectations lead to deep exhaustion.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Exactly. And I think too, um, you know, we have to we have to understand that and just going back to me saying fake time, because like I feel like sometimes, like, yeah, there might be like time crunches or whatever on some things. But I feel like it's a lot of things that we we do, if we were just to I guess like pace things out more, then it's like, you know, we probably would have more time. I feel like when you start adding a whole bunch of m other things, you know, to the list of the things that you have to do, then it's yeah, of course you're gonna be stressed out. Of course you're gonna feel like you're pressed for time because you constantly adding things, you know, and I'm really speaking to myself when I say this because I know how I am. And I I think it also comes with a creative mind because like when you are creative and you know that you have a lot of gifts, it's like you want to press and push out every single last one of them, you know. And then the realistic part is it will drain you for no reason. It's like, okay, well, how about this? Like, take your time, write them all down, write down all these things you want to do and you know, and take it one step at a time instead of saying, Oh, well, you know what? I want to paint this and I want to write this and I want to sing this, and I want to draw this, and I want to teach this. It's like, wait a minute. Like, yes, you can absolutely do all of those things, but it is not, it's not healthy for you to try to like push out all of those things at one time. Like, I'm literally watching the documentary about Robin Williams, and I'm just I'm blown away by like how much he actually did and how much he was doing in such a short time. Sorry, I keep going in and out. It's weird. I'm not even moving. That's the crazy part. But yeah, he's just doing so many things at one time. Ultimately, I mean, it also has something to do with the fact that he he's very creative. He's an empath as well, and he's very gifted, very gifted, and he wants to do so much, but like he's got these inner turmoils going on. Like his head is is is you can tell by even just some of the videos, like it's crazy because I'm like, wow, I didn't I never noticed that. Like I never even paid attention to that. Like he was hiding the pain behind the laughter, and this has been happening for years, years. Like they were all like saying, Oh, there were some times where he would be laughing and then you'd see him space out. And it's like nobody said anything about this. Like nobody like was doing anything about that. It's like uh, you know, the quiet, the quietness is like I feel like the the loudest, if that makes sense, um, like in a person when you see it on their faces, you know. And I don't know, for me it's like I'm trying to push forward so I'm not, you know, slowing down, but I also know that if I'm tired and my I'm exhausted, you know, in those three areas emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, that I do need to slow down. I can do my I can still put in my creativity, I can still sing, I can still dance, I can still, you know, paint and draw and write and I can do all of these things. But slowing down and doing it like bit by bit instead of piling on so much could I would say could possibly release some of that anxiety that I'm feeling. It would um it would bring more calm into my storm, you know.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

You know, one of the things that I I jotted down as you were speaking, um, along the lines when you were talking about fake time, right? And the pressure that we put on ourselves, one of the things that came to my mind was one of those unpopular phrases, instant gratification. But at the same time, it's really what we expect. I don't want to wait. I want it now. That's instant gratification. No matter how we wanna, you know, saying swing it or you know saying it's it is what it is. It's like we want what we want right now, or people put time frames. I need this on my desk by this time.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

You know, if I can get to it, especially if it's in my lane, I'll take care of it. If it is not in my lane, I'll get to it when I get to it. I'm gonna take care of my primary duties. If that thing that you just told me you want it, that's not in, you know, in my lane. Yeah, you can pass that on to whomever. The one thing that I that I noticed, and this is one of the things that I I have to say, going on the lines of being exhausted and trying to push forward. People understand when they have a workhorse, that clutch person, if you will, that person that they can always depend on. I know that I know if I give this to you, you're gonna come through for me. You can't be that person.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

In every organization and in every relationship, or, you know, you just can't. You know, sometimes you have to tell people, no, I can't do this. But a part of that is finding your own voice. Because otherwise you'll feel like it makes you feel good because you help someone, but at the same time, it just pushed you back farther and farther on that schedule that you have. And you have to put self first at sometimes. You know what I'm saying? If the job ain't paying you to be top tier, if they're not paying you as a top 2% uh employee, stop doing top 2% employee work, if they pay you for this job, right? And you're not getting any incentives, no bonuses, then there's no there, what what reason do you have to continue to put that amount of stress on yourself to make somebody else the money, to make somebody else look good? I'm not saying it to be selfish because at all, by all means, be a team player. But do not be the team captain if you're not being compensated to be that captain. That's all I'm saying. Um, so that was one thing that you mentioned, you know what I'm saying? So instant gratification is is the term that I wanted to make sure that we understood is is a reality. And then you started talking about, you know, I'm saying the signs of depression and people laughing through the pain, the tears of a clown. The, you know what I'm saying? It's like, um, yeah, we put on. And I say that in one of the other podcasts, you know, saying it's like most times the people that look as if they have it all together are the ones who's really struggling the most. You know, they most times, you know what I'm saying, like I look like I have it together so people don't assume that I am breaking down behind the scenes. You know, when I walk out of this building, or when I get into my car, I don't want to go home because it's stressful. Or, you know what I'm saying, or whatever it might be, or I don't, I'm not making enough to make ends meet, although I act like I'm fine. I'm not. That's the same thing that we were talking about with uh with Robin Williams and some of the other actors, some of the other athletes. I can think of a ton of athletes right off the top of my head is like, where is your circle? Where are the people who are supposed to be there to surround you and keep you grounded? Because the things that you are doing and saying clearly indicates that no one is there and they are, they nobody has your back. That's just bottom line up front. The things that you are doing and saying clearly shows that nobody has your back. And you have to find that strong support system that can sit there and say, hey, look, you look stressed, or hey, let me take this off your plate. If it's something that I can do, let me let me handle this. You know what I'm saying? Why don't you go over here and do this? Or if it's a relationship, hey babe, let me run this bath water for you. You know what I'm saying? Come on over here, you know what I'm saying, soaking this up. You know, it's little things like that. Give me your foot. Let me let me rub that foot for you. Tell me about your day type thing. Finding people in your circle, finding people who actually support you and not just say that I'm here and I got your back.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

But actually show you that they have your back. You know, those things are important. Learning, learning when to put down things that stress you, learning when to say, I just can't take this on, you know what I'm saying? Finding your inner voice and just being able to speak up for self and to drop some of those burdens or the things that you need to focus on to get rid of some of that stress so that you can push forward. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

Yeah, for sure. Cause I know, like I've noticed even in my life, like I'm always like, a lot of people are like, oh, well, how are you doing or how are you feeling? Whatever. And it's like, I know, I know there's more people than not that's just really like asking that question out of habit. And it's like, you, you don't want to know how I'm actually feeling. You don't want to know what I'm actually going through, you know, because it's just like, who wants to hear a bunch of sad stories? When you go to the grocery store, you're like, oh, hey, how are you doing? How's your day going? You know, what they're at work, they're a cashier, working at a grocery store. How do you think they're feeling? Let's let's be real. Cell attend, they're probably not really just like ecstatic, you know. They're probably not, gosh, just I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

Just waiting to clock out.

Space and Grace: Giving yourself permission to be human. 45:12 - The Final Realization: Finding your message in the mess. 58:15 - Conclusion: It ends with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

That's how I'm doing. You know, I I hate that that what do you uh how do you are you working hard or hardly working? No, you know, hardly working. So yeah, you know, and it's uh it's those moments where you just like have to really like sit back and really think about how people actually are doing and feeling that being able to feel that energy and having friends that can feel your energy. You know, like if they are around you and you're just like, yeah, I'm like whatever, they should be if they're your real friends and they really care about you, then they should be able to pick on those things. They should be able to just be like, oh no, something's wrong. You know, like my kids, um, I some of them I don't like, but I love them. There's difference. You don't have to like you don't have to like your kids, but you you love them, you know. And I ain't pop these kids out. So, you know, I don't have no real ties to them, but but um on a serious note, like I I do, I love them, I care about them a lot, and I can tell when they're off, you know, and I know for a fact when they're having a bad day or a good day. I know when, you know, things are going wrong. I don't understand what's happening with my life. I'm sorry. It's bothering me because I'm not even moving. But anyway, yeah. So yeah, I know when my kids are having a bad day, I know when they're they're off or whatever. And you know, just the other day I was just like talking to one of them and knew something was wrong with him. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but I knew something was. And so I I asked him, I was like, what's going on? And he's like, nothing. And I was like, all right, what's happening? Come here. And he's like, No, no, I'm good, I'm good. And he started to like smile it off and like, you know, it's like, no, I'm doing good. I wanna I looked at him and I'm like, don't make me come over there. Cause I'm gonna embarrass you. Do you want to come to my desk or you want me to come to yours? So he just put his head down and he just shook his head and I'm like, all right, babe, I'm coming up there. So I do like this, like I'm about to stand up. And he kinda's like, it's them. He's just like, you know, it's them. And I was like, them who? Let's talk about it. Like literally, like, like, let's talk about it, you know, because it you're holding in these emotions, and then these kids, they they grow up and they don't, they're they're very emotionally immature. They don't know how to even express themselves, how to have like a decent conversation and let somebody know, like, oh, okay, I'm not feeling the way that you were talking to me. I'm not feeling how this whole situation happened or what's going on in the class or what's going on, wherever, you know, and literally basically stopped class. And I was like, you know what? Let's hash this out. Literally. Let's just hash this out right now. Because one, the one of the main reasons I wanted to hash it out then was because again, I know these kids. They they don't, they're very like high energy, they're very creative, they're very I know, why? What is happening?

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Is the light directly in front of you? Like my light is sitting like literally right here. Literally right here.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Hold up.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

We're gonna get to a ring light kit.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

I know, because this sucker right here is being a pain in my ass. Just just whatever. I'm literally holding on to the arms of the chair and I ain't even moving, and it's still it's like I wanna cut off. Like, for what reason though, bro?

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Right. I got like three lights on, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I don't know, this should be fine for now. But yeah, so I'm like, let's hash this out now. So I have them literally tell me like what's going on, and honestly, it was it was very petty, you know, like what was happening. And it's like, he's just asking you to stop, you know, making these crazy sounds. He's asking you to uh, you know, just relax and not, you know, bother him when he's trying to do work. But then it got to a point where the other person was like, oh well, you did this to me, and you know, and that's why I was doing it to you. And and I'm like, okay, well, right now y'all sound like a he said, she said, or a tit for tat, and I'm gonna do this because you're doing that, and what's really going on? So I get down to it, and it was all about really like invalidating and validating. Like you guys are friends, so if you are invalidating each other, then you will you you won't end this. This whole conversation won't end, and you guys need to be able to feel that and understand that in order for your relationship to even, you know, continue to survive. You know, if you want this friendship, then you guys need to validate each other. You can't be like, oh, you know, well, I feel this happened, and well, you didn't say that. And I'm like, oh my god, you guys, yeah. So having friends that understand you and can read you, and that's okay with talking to you is like super important because you need to be able to get through those like hard situations, those hard conversations. And even if there is a disagreement, like a true friend would still be able to converse that with you. And that's just hard to come by, to be honest. It really is.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

It is real friend, you don't realize that you have a real friend until you really, really need that real friend. That's when you'll find out who's real and who's not. That's just bottom line up front. People say one thing, they'll do certain things, but then it's like when they when they when it's really on the line game time, can you really are they clutch? Are they gonna send you elsewhere? I ain't gonna be able to do that, I can't do that. I'm what's in it for me type stuff. You'll find out. You will definitely find out who's your real friends and who's not. Yeah, it's a lot too. Just being able to persevere and and move forward, especially when you are tired, you're exhausted, and you're at Wick's End. I don't know how. Lord, I don't know how I'm gonna take care of whatever it might be.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

But have you ever noticed this right here? Did you die?

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Yeah, but did you die? You died or no, no, but that is I mean, that is kind of for real though, because you like, I'm pushing so hard, I'm pushing so hard, and I'm like, I'm feeling like I'm drained, I'm feeling like everything's like over, you know, exhilarating, and I I can't slow down, but then I need to slow down, and it's like, well, really one, there is the side that you're doing it to yourself. That's one. And then two, there's a side where you have to learn how to be more organized and more um like I guess out of that that proving yourself mindset, you know, because it's like you're really just trying to prove something at this point. Like, what are you trying to prove? You know, that you can do all these things. Okay, we have we know you can do all these things. But really, what are you trying to prove? You know? Um, I think some I think being realistic is we we should look at like making smaller goals, changing your pace. You know, stop trying to be that I hate the word do gooder, but you know, it's kind of like that in a sense, you know, you're you're overperforming because you want to do everything, you know, and um and be reasonable. I always tell my kids that all the time. Like, make reasonable goals, be reasonable. Ask the questions why. It's okay. Like, people feel like, oh, when you're asking too many whys, but it's like whys are really important. How are you doing this? What's the purpose of you moving the way that you are moving and that you want to do so much? And why are you really exhausted? What's the real reason behind that?

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Nine times out of ten is because you're not doing just what you have to do.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

You're doing what you have to do, plus somebody else has to do, and this person don't want to do this thing right. So if I know if I'm gonna get it, if I want it done right, I need to do it myself. And it's like you have you want so much control over everything that you put that stress on yourself and then sit back and be like, Well, if you would have done this, or if you would have did that, I wouldn't have had to do. Well, you took on all that. Sit back and let them do it. You know, I get it, you get in certain situations where it's like you really do have to be that person.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

You're like, um, what's that saying? Um, like, oh what I have to do, like one part. Well, I have to do something, it's something like a l along the lines that you have to do something because um you want it done right, or if you want- What is it?

SPEAKER_02 40:24

If I want something.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

If you want something done right, you yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:27

You do it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

You do it yourself.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

But it's like you can't do that, especially if you're talking about this mental health space. If you're talking about finding true balance, work-life balance, relationship, family, whatever it may be. If you're talking about finding true balance, you have to learn to do your part. You also have to learn to delegate, and you also have to learn when to work together cohesively. You know what I'm saying? So it's like certain stuff, does it have to be done today? Yeah, I could do it today, but does it have to be done today? Right. All right. Now, if you're one of those people where you're sitting right here in front of it, like I'm here at this place, and the store that I need to go to is right down the street. But I really don't need to go down to this store for another three or four days. If you're right there at the store, go ahead and do whatever the hell you need to do, because you know you can go get your ass back out of the three or four days later. You know? Yeah. If that fire, hey, if that smoke detector is going off, and you're right there by the batteries, go buy the damn batteries. That's all I'm saying. But at the same time, it's like pace yourself. Just like you said, all right. You have to pace yourself. One thing that I've learned over the course of these last two weeks is putting small things on a calendar. On this day, take care of this and this by this time. It's just two reminders. Give yourself an hour more warning. If you know you're one of those people that like to procrastinate, a 30-minute warning, you know what I'm saying? Just to make sure that you don't start it moving because you only got 30 minutes now. Right. That's me.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

I got I got like four alarms for one of the I just recently changed all of my work alarms. I'm so ex- I've been so exhausted with all of the workload that I've I've given myself because now I'm doing four classes. I mean, not four classes. Well, yeah, four classes, three different class, three different science classes, and then I'm teaching etiquette class. So it's like I'm teaching four classes now. And so this is four different curriculums and four different assessments and homework and all this other stuff like that. And I'm just like, bro, I'm doing too much. I need to fix my time. So I was like, I was like, wake up time, go, wake up time again, and then another wake up time again. Got like 40 for wake up time.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

15 minute intervals, right?

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yeah, literally. Because I'm like, I'm like, I know, like, I'm so exhausted. I'm tired. And and honestly, that's probably another reason why I keep getting sick, is because I'm really not getting rest. So that's another reason why rest is important. Okay, I moved again. Rest is important because it's your health as well. It affects your health, and it's definitely affecting mine.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

This light is affecting my health too, but you know making my agent orange and my PTSD and we just play the shadows and shit. You know, I've been dressed in all black sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

My goodness. Oh my man, I tell you. So I'm starting to like, yeah, I need to I it's just like I need to like do better with time for sure. Um and um being more I'm trying to be like on top of things, but also trying to like slow down some too. It's just it it really is kind of hard for me to do right now. Um, so I'm trying to figure out how do how do I do this? How do I how do I allow myself to have my own space, but then still give myself time to make sure that I'm on top. my work, even the extra load that I have taken on. And honestly, like it's even gotten to a point where now I'm just like, okay, well, you know what? I'm in charge of the curriculum. So how about this? Let's change the curriculum. That's literally what I started working on today. Today, literally today. I started working on changing the curriculum a little bit that works in my favor. You know, maybe even like extending assignments, making assignments a little bit longer instead of shorter. You know, that might be easy or whatever the case may be, but like I could have longer conversations and less paperwork. You know? So I just started doing that today. So I'm hoping things kind of like line up for me a lot better. Especially now um because I really need to be resting so that way I don't full on get sick because I can I'm so congested right now. Um and my n both my nostrils just closed up so now I'm breathing through my mouth and that's gross. Go kick it. Serious. Seriously. Creamy. I think that's a power move actually. Just like taking the load that you have and finding a way that uh makes it work for you.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

We agree. And some of the things that I wrote down here as you were speaking was like prioritizing tasks. You know what I'm saying? What's most important? What has the shortest time constraint? You know, it it's those things. It's like if you if you let's knock out things that's close by each other while you can look at them and see trip plan type things, you know, there's so many things rearranging tasks as you were just stating just to to make sure that they they fit they flow a little bit better. You know what I'm saying? So it's little things like that that can help you get through these day to days, especially when bro you just I don't know how I'm gonna make it I'm just tired.

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

And when you get in those situations where if one more whoever whenever say one more thing to me you're gonna get the wrong person. You're gonna get that you're gonna get that eat the flip side of that fish the dark side and you know how I go when we go dark it get dark for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

So leave for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Nobody's safe y'all nobody safe let me alone not gone not get you know what I'm saying just all the country stuff. Just leave me alone. Finding time to just relax to who's uh if you can find time I say it all the time but find it find time if you can't go to get a massage learn how to massage yourself. Learn how to if you got though like me you got like tension pain in that upper back muscles and things of that nature man if you don't learn how to get you a ball in a pillowcase and lean up against the wall and get that shit out yourself if you have to if you can't afford to go get hey look everybody can't afford massages hell I couldn't afford them for a long time but it's like if you can't go out and you can't do that yourself, learn how to pamper yourself.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

It doesn't take much 10-15 minutes just rubbing out stress areas especially the temple helps. It helps a lot to relieve that stress you know saying as far as persevering and pushing forward digging deep when you just gotta you got to it's like I have nobody I can depend on especially if you're single and you have children and you got the weight of the world on your shoulders how am I gonna pay all these bills kids need clothes they need shoes they need food they need you know what I'm saying the whole nine yards everything and it's just you and your income don't really make enough to make ends meet. So you gotta find that side hustle you gotta find some way you're begging from this person barring from that person and it's like it's a never-ending cycle these are the times that we're talking about like what do you do to really push through because you can't really depend on anyone you can't really go out and get that loan because whatever reasons credit's not good enough you don't make enough to be able to pay it back you know they want you to make three times the amount that you're trying to borrow type shit and it's like we don't really make enough and it's like if I made three times as much do I think I need a loan like why would I need a loan? Obviously Yeah you would because more money more problems. The more things you get the more stuff you gotta pay for. And before long, especially if you're living outside your means.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

Well that's if you're living outside your means for sure.

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Right yeah think about it just to be able to survive and you're only making a minimum wage job and you have children, you're living outside your means. Unless that job pays you well into the six figures, you don't care you you're struggling, especially if you're doing this all it by yourself. Yeah you know what I'm saying minimum wage is not it's not enough to survive we all know this. You know yeah they raised the minimum wage but then they raised the prices of everything else around it.

SPEAKER_00 49:11

So did it really don't jump on that bad way.

SPEAKER_02 49:17

Right. You know what I'm saying? So it just brings a bring forth more stress. Yeah so the thing about it is is how do we survive? One of the things is looking at your expenses right especially if you if if it's a financial thing do you have to eat out every day? Do you have to get fast food three times, four times a day?

SPEAKER_03 49:42

Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:42

Can you not take that same money and go to the grocery store, buy a couple items here and there, take leftovers in, not go out for dinner. I mean you'll be amazed how much money you save just by skipping those three meal those three DoorDash or, you know say whatever meals a day, because that's at least$45,$50 a day you sit down and you add it up depending on how much you're eating. You know say especially if you're doing it three times a day do the math on it. Mm-hmm if you spend at least$20 a meal three times a day that's$60. Multiply that by how many days a week you you doing this shit you just bought groceries. Even if you did it at least five right you just bought groceries and those groceries could have lasted you for two weeks for what you paid for that one week.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

There's there's ways to to make things work and then it's we just gotta look at I get it we don't want to sacrifice because some of the things that we have we've worked hard for I worked this hard so I can do XYZ right I get that that's nothing wrong with that concept. But if that concept is constantly keeping you in a circle where you are constantly finding yourself running over to this pie or to this well you know I'm saying to to continuously be able to keep up with it then that's something that needs to in my opinion is something that you might want to consider changing. Not saying that you have to just saying that it's a possibility that it could save you a little bit in the long I smoked Black and Miles and I looked at it I did the math on it for how many packs I'm going through in a week or two weeks in a month or whatever the case it's like bro if you save that money that's an honest and authentic conversation with self. If you save that you wouldn't be struggling as much as you say you're struggling or you would be able to do this and do that and not worry about it. So for me it was taking a look at looking within I can change this this is something that's within you know saying the realm of things that I can change you know and if I make this change I save myself something on the back end.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

Right. It's a fair trade-off just saying no it is you know and I think it's also something that's to be positive when you're saying like just because you're you're tired too doesn't mean that you're failing. So like it's not saying that you can't do things you know it's just like you just have to re-look at how you're looking at everything looking at your finances looking at the world looking at the people around you looking at your job. You have to change your the way that you see things. And that goes a long way honestly because like if you can just be like oh I'm so tired and everything and I have this, this, that, and it's it's like okay well hold on, wait a minute. I'm tired. I have all these things that I need to do but there's a way about doing it. There's a way to make this work out in my favor. You know, I have passions and I have gifts and there are things that I want to do even when we take on extra work that you know obviously we took on more than uh what we bargained for you know when we take on that extra work it's still like you know like maybe I I I wanted to do this and there's a purpose for me doing this but let me relook at how I'm pushing it out. Let me change like how I did. Let me change my curriculum. Like I still want to be a part of this this process, this plan and I do you know I love my kids I want to try to help them in this in this way. But I don't have to help them in a way that's making this difficult, you know? There's so many avenues out there and so much help out there now and so many resources that are at the tip of your fingers actually start doing using your resources to help you out more instead of like trying to take everything you know by the tail and next thing you know you're just all over the place.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

Absolutely just small chunks. Put it on the calendar a little bit here you got five days seven days a week you know just make it work don't work seven days a week don't do that. You bring yourself out take time to yourself oh my God take time to yourself go out find a beach put your feet in the dirt go watch the sunrise something small that is reviving to you know and it's just as simple as whatever that might be. It could be watching your favorite show on TV for five, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever it might be, just taking time to yourself to say, I'm just not finna deal with whatever this is because it's not that important. A lot of times so when I was saying when I went back and was like did you die what I was going with with that and it just came back to my head is that no matter how bad things may seem, no matter how bad you are struggling, I need this and I don't know where it's gonna come from. Somehow it always most times not always but most times it seems to just show up just seem to show up. You're doing all this stressing trying to control things and then in the end after you've done all this stressing whatever it was that you were stressing by if it was financial Lord I don't know where this money gonna come from and you get a check in the mail or somebody lend you something that you you never expected this person. Right and that's the person that came through for you know what I'm saying so it's like don't stress over things that you cannot control.

SPEAKER_03 55:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 55:28

You know yeah just keep it moving small chunks have a plan because as a saying goes if you fail to plan then to fail it happens you didn't make a plan you didn't stick to the plan and even if the plan seems as if it's it's not going right the thing about it is don't change the goal means the plan.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Right you can deviate don't not too much make sure that you're still following along with you know what it is that is your end goal that's the most most important thing because sometimes it sometimes you you have an end goal but like your you know the road you take just kind of has a little stumble or crack in a road or whatever. And and it's okay if it has that but keep going keep moving.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

Two things first and foremost Sun Tzu you know saying um and then people take the Mike Tyson version so we'll go with both of them you know first and foremost there's no such thing as a perfect plan. Right no plan, you know saying survives enemy contact as they say once you make contact you deviate from the plan. You're going to have to at some shape way shape form or fashion. And as Mike Tyson said everybody got a plan until they get punched in the face. So then you have to change that plan because life just hit you and it's like I didn't realize you hit that hard but damn it's like um okay time to readjust I might not want to come back in you know say I might want to make sure I put my defense up next time I come out here. But I understand now that this will happen if I don't take the necessary precaution. So look at what it is that you're trying to accomplish look at your complete surroundings. And I know it's hard it's hard as hell when you're in the midst of something because all you you end up getting these blinders and all you can see is what's in front of you. And sometimes you lose sight of the big picture sometimes you can only focus on that one task or that one thing that's kicking you behind and you're just trying to figure out a way to resolve this one issue.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

You can't see a way to move forward because you can't see a way to resolve that one issue that's standing that roadblock but if if a door's closing in your face look for that window of opportunity. You know there's always a way and that's going back to what we stated before sitting still meditating and listening you'll find your message I promise you got anything else for this segment no that was good I'm over here trying not to die right now. Did you die though? I did die I didn't die all right one hope you guys got something from it if you are tired drop a comment below let us know let us know how you're really feeling familiar as always make sure to check out some of the other videos that we have if they don't show up in my fingers right there. And you know what I'm saying just make sure to check us out here you know saying as always we're all in we're all in one see you on the next dun dun thun thun five further step