27. Burnout Is A Boundary Problem, Not A Character Flaw

Feeling exhausted even though you’re “doing everything right”? We take aim at the real culprit behind burnout for high-capacity women: unmanaged boundaries that leak energy in small, constant ways. Instead of chasing more motivation, we map the everyday habits that keep your nervous system on high alert and steal the focus you need for training, sleep and joy.

If this resonates, share it with a friend who’s always tired and thinks the fix is to push harder. Subscribe, leave a review and tell us: which boundary will you practise first?

I am happy we can share this journey of leveling up, together. Send me a text by clicking the link at the top of the description. I would love to hear from you :) See you next week!

- Alita <3

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This podcast is intended for general educational purposes only. The content discussed does not replace professional medical, nutritional, or fitness advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Individual needs and responses vary, especially with exercise and nutrition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider before making significant lifestyle changes.

Chapters

• 0:27 Burnout Misdiagnosed As Low Motivation
• 2:40 Energy Leaks And Micro Self-Abandonment
• 4:04 The Grad School Email Lesson
• 4:49 Boundaries As A Physiology Issue
• 5:39 Three Practical Boundary Shifts
• 9:03 Confidence From Follow-Through
• 10:40 Track Proof Over Feelings
• 12:52 Main Takeaway And Next Steps

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:27

Hello there and welcome back to Vito with Alita. I'm your host Alita and today. Today we're talking about how burnout can actually come from unmanaged boundaries and not a lack of motivation. So I want to start this episode with something very direct. If you feel constantly tired, you're feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated, especially in this February month. You know, we had a whole month of January. We were trying to stick to our goals, our new year's resolutions, whatever it is that you have for yourself. And now you're at this stage where you just keep telling yourself, oh, I need to, I just need to push harder. That's why I'm exhausted. I'm just not I'm not committed. You're probably wrong about the problem. Most of the women listening to this don't actually lack discipline. Okay, if anything, we are high capacity functioning women, but they probably lack protected energy. And today we're actually going to talk about where your energy is actually going, why boundaries are a health practice and a necessity, and what you can stop doing immediately to feel better without changing your workouts, diets, or your goals, actually. So this episode is for women who care about their health, are doing all the right things, but still feel exhausted. So you're training, you're eating well, you are writing all the things, you're time blocking, you're reducing your time on social media, you want to feel strong and capable, but your life outside of these like goals is chaotic. It's overbooked, it's reactive. And if you feel like wellness only works when everything else in your life is like calm, this episode's for you. So let's be clear here. And let's just get it out of the way. Motivation is not the issue. If motivation were the issue, your discipline would have probably solved it by now. So burnout doesn't actually come from doing too little, it comes from doing too much without the recovery. And recovery, I'm not just talking about sleep and rest days, as important as those are, but that's not what I'm discussing in this episode. Recovery is not being emotionally available to everyone all the time. Let's pause, let's take that in. The recovery I'm talking about is about not being emotionally available to everyone all the time. So this kind of brings us into energy leaking. We'll call it that. So most women may not lose energy in like giant dramatic ways. Okay, we'll probably lose it in small constant leaks, small acts of what I will call like micro-self-abandonment. So saying yes when you want to say no, replying immediately when it's not urgent, keeping plans you resent, mentally rehearsing conversations that haven't happened. None of this feels that bad in the moment that you're doing it, but it adds up, it compounds. And then you wonder why you don't feel like training, why you don't feel like socializing, or why you don't feel like taking care of yourself. I have a very practical example here. When I was a graduate student in my master's, and as soon as I would get an email from my supervisor, you know I answered within five minutes. Even if she wanted me to get like compile a bunch of things to send over. It was it was done within five to ten minutes, it would be sent. Whether it was a weekend, evening, I was with my family or not, it was there. Why? Why? My supervisor did not say send this in five minutes or else. No, it was a very simple email. When you get the chance, send this over. And in my head, I was like, that means do it right now so I can be the best student in the whole world. Well, guess what? That's not how it turned out. It actually turned out where I felt exhausted and burned out and wanted to just finish with my master's rather than enjoy the process. So, boundaries are a physiology issue. It's not just a mindset, it's it's physiological. When you're in this chronic stress, it actually keeps your nervous system activated. And you start getting decision fatigue. You're you you have this like heavy cognitive load, and it's really real. Your brain is constantly managing other people's needs, so there's less capacity left for you to manage your own needs. That's not just that's just biology, just common sense. You know, if you're always attending to this and that and the other and making everything urgent outside of your own needs, where where is this energy gonna come from when it has to, when you gotta take care of yourself? So this is where the topic of boundaries kind of comes in. So there are three boundary shifts that I think you can implement and you can make today, making this more practical. You know you're probably resonating with some of the things I'm saying, but what can you do? So here are three changes that you can do literally this week. This is not something that has to eventually happen. You will eventually see the benefit if you keep up with these shifts. But here's what you can do right now. Number one, stop answering everything immediately. Urgency is often assumed. Usually it's not real, unless it literally says if you don't answer within five minutes, this, but like usually it's just us being anxious and assuming that everything's urgent when it's not. So you can say, I'll get back to you. I'm not sure at the moment, I need to check my calendar and let you know. You can read the email and not answer it right away. That pause protects your nervous system. It protects, it gives you time to reflect and to think. Like, is this do I really want to do this? Do I really need to do this right now? All right, second thing that you can do, literally right now, pause this episode, grab a pen and paper, do it right now. Decide your non-negotiables ahead of time. Okay, ahead of time is the key here because waiting to decide in the moment when you're like flustered drains energy. So ahead of time, choose how many social plans can you handle per week? If this is variable, then look at it for that week. What can I handle this week? Write down a number. How many training days actually feel good? Is it the week of your period? Oh, okay. Is it a week where you just had an extremely you had a lot of long hours at work? Okay. How much alone time do you need this week? Not that much. You've been alone for the past three weeks, so now you have your social battery can be you're you're ready to go. Okay. Decisions made ahead of time are actually going to reduce fatigue. This can be done at the beginning of the week. This can be done when somebody asked you something and you said, let me get back to you, and you assess how your week is going. So decide you're non-negotiable ahead of time. Now three. And this is probably the most uncomfortable one, but you just have to do it. You just gotta rip the band-aid off. You have to let the discomfort happen. Someone might be disappointed. It doesn't mean you're wrong. Discomfort is not an emergency. Hopefully, you're dealing with adults here. I'm talking about like adult interactions here. Everyone can deal with their feelings, you're not responsible for their feelings. Discomfort, and especially another person's discomfort, is a sign that you're changing how you show up. And I'm not saying sit there and make people uncomfortable, and it means you're doing the right thing. It just means if someone's always used to you saying yes, suddenly when you're like actually no, it's gonna be different, and it's just gonna be weird, and you're just gonna be like, Oh, okay, a little bit uncomfortable, but alright. So, the three steps stop answering everything immediately, decide you're non-negotiables ahead of time, and then let the discomfort happen. So now I gave you these three steps, but here's maybe a little oomph as to why you should actually follow them, and that's because confidence will come from the follow-through. You can listen and write the steps down and feel like this is the self-work and feel like, yeah, this is me putting in the work. But the actual confidence is going to come not from the knowledge, but from the follow-through. It doesn't come from the hype or the motivation or how you may feel right now, like, yeah, I'm gonna do this. It comes from knowing that when you say you're going to protect your energy, you're actually going to do it. Every time you follow through on a boundary, you build trust with yourself. And that trust is what makes everything else feel easier. And look, the first time is going to be the worst, the second time, third, maybe the fourth might still feel horrible, but it's just only going to get better. And then it's just going to allow you to build up this habit so that when a giant event happens where you've your past self would have been traumatized to say no at, you'll be okay. And you'll you'll you'll have confidence in yourself that this is the best decision for you. And that trust is what makes everything else feel easier. So now if you're someone who sect and guesses yourself all the time, let's discuss a little bit about proof over our feelings. Write down what happens when you say no. I I every episode I think I say write down something. You don't know what to journal about? Well, here's here it is. Notice when you're writing down, when you said no to something, notice your energy, notice your moods, notice, okay, how did this impact the rest of my day? How did it impact the for example? Let's say somebody invited you to go somewhere, you haven't seen this friend in a very long time, and your friend messaged you and was like, hey, I miss you, I want to spend time with you. What are you doing Wednesday? And you already kind of planned in your head that Wednesday was going to be your day to just go to the gym and to catch up on work that you had to do. And in theory, you could see your friend, but like you really just wanted to finish this work. Now imagine you said you actually stood with your boundaries and you told your friend, hey, I would love to catch up with you, but this Wednesday is not ideal for me. Let's do another day, and then maybe you suggest another day if you're up to it. Now, when that Wednesday comes and you're doing what you said you were gonna do, guess how much better you're going to feel. Right? And now you're not gonna be resentful. You're not gonna be sitting there with your friend if you decided to go and think of all the things that you could have been doing, but instead you're sitting there. No, now, next time when you go and see your friend, you're going to truly be present and enjoy that time with them because you did not abandon yourself. And you're going to kind of feel this lighter energy, and you're going to see this with your patience, even your workouts, your sleep, your mood, your brain will forget all the benefits as you go on, especially if you let the guilt build up. So that's why I'm saying write it. When you're second-guessing yourself, write it. See, like, oh, I felt better when I said no. So it's okay, I shouldn't feel guilty for putting this boundary. If anything, it's better for me and the people I'm interacting with because they're getting the best version of me. So evidence makes it a lot easier to kind of hold that boundary and hold the line. So my main takeaway here is you don't need more motivation. You just need fewer energy leaks. So if this episode resonated, share it with someone who's always tired but doesn't know why. They're high functioning, they're doing all the wellness things, they're listening to their they're following through with their goals, but they're just exhausted. And if you want to talk more about this, you can message me through the link in the episode description, and I would love to have a conversation about it. All right, everyone, take care, and we'll see you on the next episode of Vito with Alita. Bye-bye.