44. WELLNESS IS NOT A MORAL ACHIEVEMENT: Why Healthy Choices Are NOT Moral Choices

In this episode, we unpack why wellness is not a moral achievement and how a simple comment about skipping alcohol reveals a bigger cultural problem. I share research and practical mindset shifts that help us pursue evidence-based health without turning food, fitness, or body size into a measure of worth.  

• the moment a “better than us” joke exposes moral judgement around health choices  
• conflation as the core issue, mixing health with morality  
• how “good” and “bad” food language turns into “good” and “bad” people  
• why wellness culture can become an identity trap even when habits help  
• what weight stigma research shows about shame, stress, and avoidance  
• how self-compassion supports resilience and sustainable behaviour change  
• self-determination theory and why values beat guilt for long-term motivation 
• reframing health as self-respect and care rather than punishment  
• healthism and the social factors that shape health beyond willpower  
• questions to challenge the rules you have turned into moral rules  

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Transcript

Welcome And What We Stand For

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's up? Welcome back to Vito with Alita. This is a podcast about evidence-based wellness for real life. I'm Alita and I'm here to talk about fitness, health, mindset, and building a strong and sustainable life. But doing so without extremes, guilt, or perfectionism. If you care about your health, but you also want a life that you can actually live, you're definitely in the right place. Now before we jump in, I just want to say thank you for being here. It genuinely means a lot that you choose to spend your time listening, and I don't take that lightly. If you've been enjoying the show, following the podcast really helps it grow and lets me know that you're enjoying what you're listening to. And it will actually help more people find these conversations, which means I can keep bringing you new episodes every single week. Alright, let's get into today's episode.

The Drink Comment That Sparked It

SPEAKER_01 1:17

I'm Alita. I'm really happy you're here because today we're gonna talk about something that got inspired after a conversation that I had. So I think I'm gonna title today's episode something along the lines of, you know, wellness is not a moral achievement, or like, you know, eating vegetables doesn't make you a better person. Well, what's the conversation that I had that inspired this episode? Well, I was at an event and I got I was offered a drink, like alcoholic drink. Everyone wanted to take shots, and I was like, it's okay, no, I'm good. I don't really, I'm not a big drinker, and this is something a little more recently that I've gotten into. Just I've noticed that I just feel better when I don't drink. So I'm making an effort to not drink unless it's a special occasion or something like whatever, right? And then the comment I got back was, oh, I'm sorry you're better than all of us. And I kind of laughed in the moment, and I was like, I don't think that. I just it's just a very personal choice, and I never thought of it as making me better or worse. It's just like a it's a personal thing, right? So this is where this kind of episode came about. So this episode is not about dismissing health. I hope we know by now that I believe health matters, movement matters, I believe nourishing your body matters. In fact, actually, I think that taking care for your body is one of the most meaningful ways that we can actually express self-respect. But there's a huge difference between caring for your health because you believe you're worthy of care, and believing your health determines whether you're worthy in the first place. So that's the conversation we're having today. Because I think somewhere along the way, wellness stopped being something that we kind of just do, and it became something that we are. And I don't think those two are the same thing. And maybe you don't see the difference now, but I hope by the end of the episode you'll kind of understand the vision I'm having. So throughout today's episode, we're gonna explore ideas. Well, we're gonna explore where this idea comes from, kind of what psychology has to say, and how we can build a healthier relationship, not only with food and exercise, but just with ourselves in general. Because I think that's the key to kind of building these sustainable lives that we're all looking to have.

Conflation: Health Versus Morality

SPEAKER_01 3:56

As usual, let's get into our word of the week before we dive into the actual episode. So today's word of the week is conflation. C-O-N-F-L-A-T-I-O-N. Conflation means combining two different ideas and treating them as though they're the same thing. So today's entire conversation revolves around one very common conflation: health and morality. They're related, but they are not the same thing. What do I mean by this? Taking care of your body does not automatically make you a kinder person. And struggling with your health doesn't make you less deserving of love or respect. This might make sense on the surface, and you might be like, well, duh. But I think once I get a little deeper into it, maybe you'll understand how a lot of the wording and things and the way that we have structured this idea of wellness, maybe actually mixes up these two ideas. So as we go through today's episode, I really invite you to notice every time our culture conflates these two ideas. Because once you see it, I think it's hard to unsee it. So let's kind of get into the first uh little topic here.

When Food Became Good Or Bad

SPEAKER_01 5:15

When did food become a moral issue? So think about the language we use around food. I was good today, I've been bad, I cheated, I need to earn my dessert, I have to burn this off. Do you notice something in these kind of phrases that we use? None of them are actually about nutrition. They're all about morality. We've labeled food as good and as bad, and eventually we start labeling ourselves the same way. If eating a salad makes me good, then eating cake must make me bad, right? It sounds pretty harmless, and it really allows you to visualize foods maybe to avoid, to cut out, to whatever. But our language shapes our thoughts. And over time we begin believing that our choices say something about our value as people. So now let's get into this rise of wellness culture that I am a big part of.

Wellness Culture As An Identity

SPEAKER_01 6:13

I'm not gonna sit here and on my high horse and pretend I'm not, but I'm trying to give a different perspective here. So over the last decade, wellness has become an identity. Now, you're probably like Alita, you always talk about identity shifts and seeing yourself as somebody who exercises or having this identity shift is important for sustaining your habits. That key is that part is key and it's true. But the wellness portion becoming your identity is where there's an issue. There's a little bit of a caveat here. The reason it's an issue is because now it's no longer just about health, it becomes part of how we define ourselves, like the morning routine, what supplements you take, cold plunges, step counts, biohacking, perfect meal prep, whatever it is that is under this wellness umbrella. There's nothing wrong with any of these things inherently or like standalone. Many of them genuinely support health. And I think they're things that if you think they fit into your daily life and actually help you, go for it. But somewhere along the way, this wellness became associated with discipline, and then discipline became associated with success, and then success became associated with virtue, as though the healthier you appear on the surface and the more things you do off that list, the better person you must be. But that's just a story, that's just that's fantasy, that's not science, that's not true. And basing your identity off I'm the person who has green juices all the time, so I'm just I'm that girl. I'm so like because of this like act of drinking green juice, like everything else falls into place, is not, I think, very critical. It doesn't give us the full story, and I think the best way to kind of word it is that health is not a character trait. Let's give you a little scenario. Let's imagine two people here. The first person exercises every day, never misses a workout, so right, super on top of it, eats perfectly balanced meals, gets eight hours of sleep, but maybe they're dishonest, they're impatient, they're judgmental, they're self-centered. So that's person number one. Person number two, they probably, let's say, live in chronic pain, so some weeks they cannot exercise. Sometimes their dinner just comes from a drive-thru because their life is a little bit overwhelming, but they are very compassionate and they're patient. They're very generous and they're very loving. Which one has better character? Now the answer has absolutely nothing to do with their routines or their wellness or the broccoli they ate. Kindness isn't measured in how many steps you took or the calories you ate. It's you know you cannot track integrity. Compassion is not trained in the gym. Health behaviors can tell us something about your lifestyle, about your routines, about your views, maybe on what is a good healthy lifestyle to you. But they tell us nothing about morality. And maybe in this example of these two people, you thought it was very obvious. You're like, well, obviously, you told me that the first person basically lies and and is not respecting anyone. Like, why would anyone think we they're morally superior? Unfortunately, I find that we have come to a time where we assume people who are healthy or look a certain way or do certain things just happen to be better people in general. You know, they're just a little bit a little bit morally superior, maybe in our minds, subconsciously, unconsciously, whatever you want to call it. That's things, that's kind of what I've noticed that our culture has been putting out. So that's where the conflation comes in. These two ideas that are not really the same, but we're kind of making them the same. And when you put it in a blatant example, like I just did, you're just like, yeah, obviously it's different, but it's maybe not so obvious all the time. So let's go to what the science has to say.

What Research Says About Shame

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Of course, one of my favorite parts of this podcast is sharing their research because science often can help us separate assumptions from the evidence. So let's start with weight stigma. So in 2010, uh researchers published a landmark review examining how weight stigma actually affects health. And I think that the findings were pretty striking. And people who experienced shame or discrimination because of their weight were more likely to experience chronic stress, depression, binge eating, avoidance of physical activity, and even avoidance of medical care because they feared being judged. Let's just think about that for a second. If shame truly motivated healthier behavior, we'd expect the opposite. Instead, though, shame often becomes another barrier to health. That doesn't mean healthy habits aren't important, and it doesn't mean that there is a very small subset of the population that maybe thrives on shame, but it means that for the most part, or for generally, shame is a terrible motivator.

Self-Compassion Builds Real Consistency

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Now, another research, uh, another researcher, Kristen Neff, their work focuses solely on self-compassion. So many of us believe that if we're too kind to ourselves, we'll actually become lazy. And we tend to be our greatest critics. The way we speak to ourselves is not always very nice. But the research actually tells a different story. People with greater self-compassion actually tend to be more resilient. So they're more likely to recover after setbacks, they are less likely to spiral into all or nothing thinking, and they're more likely to maintain healthy habits over time, which is the goal that we want, right? So imagine missing one workout. So one mindset can say, I failed, that's it, I'm done, gonzo. Whereas the other one says, Well, tomorrow is another opportunity, it's okay. Guess which one is more sustainable? Hopefully you said B because that's the answer. Now, there's also something called self-determination theory, developed by psychologists Edward Dessey, I think is how you say it, and Richard Ryan. Now, their research shows that people are much more likely to maintain healthy behaviors when their motivation comes from internal values rather than external pressure. What does this look like? And it's probably something you've heard before, but we're just putting it all out there. So this kind of looks like walking because you love how energized you feel. Cooking because nourishing yourself matters to you. Stretching because your body feels much better afterwards. These motivations actually last much longer than guilt or fear. Oh my god, if I don't work out, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna feel so guilty later, I won't be able to eat the cake, I won't do that. That's not gonna last. The behavior itself might look identical, like both of you went on a walk, but the reason behind it changes everything.

Health As Self-Respect Not Punishment

SPEAKER_01 13:52

And this is where I would like to bring up a point that I talked about at the beginning of the episode where I view health as self-respect. I believe this very deeply. I don't think taking care of her health is about earning worth at all. I think it's about expressing worth. So for me, caring for my body is one of the greatest acts of self-respect. And not because, oh my god, eating vegetables makes me better, going to the gym makes me more valuable, it's because I believe that this body that I am in deserves care. Think about someone you love. If you have a pet, this is the perfect example. You probably want them to sleep enough. You want them to drink water, eat nourishing meals, take their medication, move in a way that feels good. So if you have a dog, you're making sure they're on their walks no matter what. You're looking at every single thing about them to make sure that they're healthy and happy. You know, you take them to the vet as soon as something's not right. You don't want those things because you're trying to make them a better person. You want those things because you already believe that they are worthy of those things and that they're worthy of care. So why should you, when it comes to yourself and doing this, why should you deserve any less? So when I choose foods that nourish me or I go for a walk, I'm not saying, oh my god, look how disciplined I am. Maybe, maybe sometimes you are looking at it that way because you need to build some self-trust for yourself. That's fine. But I hope you're also saying, my body deserves nourishment, my future self deserves kindness, my health is worth investing in. That's a very completely different motivation. And sometimes I think this type of motivation is actually helpful. There are days where I'm like, I just really don't, I just don't want to work out right now. Sometimes you can miss a workout and it's okay. But then when you're like, you know what, I'm gonna work out because I know I'm gonna feel better and I'm gonna thank myself later. I get up and I go and I'm not huffing and puffing the workout, and I'm like, oh my god, I don't want to be here. I'm actually grateful that I show up. So one motivation or one motivator comes from punishment, the other one actually comes from respect. Instead of saying, oh my god, I have to fix myself, you kind of have to think, uh, you know, I'm already worthy of being cared for, and that's why I'm doing these things. And that difference matters.

Healthism And The Context We Ignore

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Now I've introduced a few concepts, but there's one more I would kind of like to sprinkle in, and that's the concept called healthism. Sociologist Robert Crawford coined this term to describe the belief that health becomes an individual's moral responsibility. So, in other words, if you're healthy, you worked hard. If you're sick, you must have failed. Now, everything is always nuanced. I'm not gonna sit here and say people who have amazing physiques and go to the gym and actually eat it for their goals are not working hard. We're not dismissing that or diminishing that, and I'm also not diminishing the other side where people who are not taking responsibility for their actions are causing harm to their health. Those things can still be true, but there's another layer to it. Because health can be influenced by so many other things that are more than just individual choices. So these are things like genetics, income, education, housing, access to health care, stress, trauma, disability, your environment. Do you even have a sidewalk in where you live? Do you feel safe to walk outside? Opportunity, even luck. So when we reduce health to a personal responsibility alone, we ignore the realities that shape people's lives. And this is where we risk blaming people for circumstances they may never choose. With that being said, this is where the very important aspect of understanding what you can work with and what you can control comes in, and building a life and a routine that is sustainable for you. What's sustainable for me is not sustainable for somebody else. We all have different different lives. We can't just completely copy and paste something and expect it to work. That's why understanding all of these things together, I think, is key. Being able to track your own progress is key. Being able to have individualized plans or individualized ways of eating, of working out, is very important because it does take into account as many things as possible. But completely shifting the responsibility on a person, saying your whole health is in your hands, that's a lot of that's really tying the person's morality to their health and not taking into account things that potentially could not be controlled. Again, I'm all for working hard towards your goals for discipline, being able to achieve the goals that you set for yourself. But there's always nuance. There's being able to understand what's realistic for you and what is not. So again, reminding yourselves that we don't all start at the same place. Imagine, I don't know, asking two people to climb the same mountain. One starts halfway up and the other starts at sea level. Would you judge the second person for taking longer? Well, of course not. Health is similar, but we don't really, it doesn't really pan out that way. When we're on social media and I'm very guilty of this, and I see somebody with a with a physique that is very what's the word here? Like it it's very nicely built, okay? So they obviously have worked very hard towards building such a physique, but then we forget that, especially if somebody is a full-time fitness influencer or a full-time content creator, they just they forget genetics and all that stuff. They literally just have the time and probably the resources to get the help they need to look that way. I can't then sit there and say, oh my god, they're just so much more disciplined than I am, they're so much healthier than I am. If they can do it, why can't I? It's not fair. In the real world, some people have safe neighborhoods where they can walk every day, and others don't. Some, again, have a flexible job that allows them to cook dinner, and others work multiple jobs because they need to care for their family members. Some people live with chronic illness and others don't. When we judge people solely based on the outcome, we completely ignore the context, and context matters. So this is where I kind of would like to bring a different perspective.

Reframing Language And Closing Questions

SPEAKER_01 21:07

What if we reframed wellness? So instead of asking, what do I need to do to become worthy? We asked, how can I care for someone who is already worthy? So instead of I have to exercise, maybe it's I get to move my body. Instead of I've ruined everything, maybe it's it's okay, I'm human, I can start again. Oh, I need to earn this meal versus, well, actually my body deserves nourishment whether I exercise today or not. Language matters and the way you speak to yourself matters because language shapes how we see ourselves. So as we close today, I'd love to leave you with a few questions. What health rule have you turned into a moral rule? And where did you learn that? How often do you judge yourself for just being human? Can you imagine caring for your body not because you're trying to prove something, but because you believe you're already worth caring for? I just want to leave you with that thought. Health matters, it truly, truly does. And I hope you nourish your body. I hope you move it in ways that bring you joy, and I hope you sleep well. I hope you drink enough water. I hope you care for your mind as much as you care for your body. And not because any of those things make you a better human being, but because you already are one. Wellness is not how we earn our worth, it's one of the ways that we honor the worth that we already have. So remember our word of the week? Conflation? Pay attention to the moments when our culture confuses health with morality. Notice it, question it, maybe just maybe begin replacing shame with self-respect. Thank you so so much for joining me on another episode of Vita with Alita, and we'll see you on the next one. Bye bye.