Friends with Annie

What does real friendship look like in today's world? Not the sitcom version where everyone lives in the same apartment building, but the authentic connections that sustain us through distance, life changes, and the passage of time.

In this deeply personal conversation, I sit down with my friend Annie to explore our decade-long friendship journey and what it reveals about human connection. From our first meeting in graduate school (where Annie found my "likability annoying") to navigating friendship across continents, we unpack how authentic relationships evolve and endure.

We examine the "Summer of Sangria" – when I made different sangria recipes weekly and hand-delivered them to friends throughout Seattle – as a case study in community-building. This seemingly simple act created meaningful connection in busy adult lives, culminating in a final gathering where everyone celebrated their favorites.

The conversation tackles head-on the challenges of modern friendship: the loneliness epidemic despite technological connection, the barriers to making new friends as adults, and how social media creates illusions of closeness while often deepening isolation. We challenge the friendship myths perpetuated by shows like "Friends" and offer practical insights for nurturing real connections in a disconnected world.

Whether you're questioning your own friendship patterns or simply curious about what makes human bonds last, this episode provides both heartfelt reflection and actionable wisdom. Because in a world where we're constantly "connected," true friendship might be our most undervalued relationship.

What friendship myths have you believed? Join the conversation and share your experiences with authentic connection in today's world.

Transcript

Meeting Annie: A Decade of Friendship

Speaker 1 0:10

Welcome to what Makes Us. This is a podcast exploring in how we develop as people through our experiences and connections between individuals, with groups and amongst society. We'll be bringing on guests to discuss how they've come to be who they are and along the way, we may end up learning something about ourselves. So please sit back and enjoy. You're listening to what Makes Us. Welcome to what Makes Us Today.

Speaker 1 0:45

I'm really excited for this conversation. I have such an amazing person with me today, so our episode today is what Makes Us Friends. Of course, you can't have this conversation without having a friend with you, and so I am really excited to have Annie be a part of this conversation today with you, and so I am really excited to have Annie be a part of this conversation today. It's just really, really, really amazing because Annie and I have known each other for a very long time and we have just really connected, so I'm excited for this. There's going to be some hijinks. I'm just going to tell you now. There's going to be some hijinks and lovely banter, as friends should do. So without further ado, I'd love Annie to introduce herself to us today.

Speaker 2 1:31

Thanks, brian. So professional, I'm Annie Sheher. Like Brian said, I'm an old friend. I'm also leader of a nonprofit based in Seattle and mom to a little cat named Mishti, short for Mishti Doy, and I'm happy to see you, mishti Doy.

Speaker 1 1:54

What is Mishti Doy? Okay, I'm sorry, continue.

Speaker 2 1:57

I'm happy to be here. This is my first podcast ever, but I'm an active podcast listener. Nice, all right.

Speaker 1 2:04

Well, mishti Doy, I haven't met Mishti Doy to be here. This is my first podcast ever, but I'm an active podcast listener. Nice, all right. Well, I, you know mishti, though I haven't. I haven't met mishti, though, or what's the short way mishti, do you know this?

Speaker 2 2:14

it's, uh, that's um bengali. The, the, the condensed milk yogurt, ah I live in india.

Speaker 1 2:22

I don't live in Vancouver. I understand that you call it, other people call it something else, but Okay, well, well, thank you for expanding my, my global knowledge center of desserts. I did not know that. So our episode today is what makes us friends, and so this is going to be a fun episode, right? Because Annie has come prepared with questions.

Speaker 2 2:46

And this is. This is that was parentheses derogatory for anyone for the subtitles. Okay, that was. He was not being nice to me.

How We Became Friends

Speaker 1 2:56

I was sounding so excited for these questions. What are you talking about? So, so, as we go, you know, our guests on this podcast get to choose the topic, and so Annie has chosen this topic. And so, of course, the first question what made you choose this topic today?

Speaker 2 3:15

First, I love your podcast concept. I think it's really fun to see you trying out this new endeavor and I like how open-ended the concept is. And so, to me, what makes us friends is such a fun play on that open-ended concept, which is both, I think, an opener to us talking about our friendship, which we don't do or have never done, not formally and not on recorded medium, and then also to talk about what makes us friends in general. What are friends for? What do they mean to us? What kind of roles do they play in our lives.

Speaker 1 4:01

Yeah, yeah, no, I that is. I was actually really looking forward to this conversation, truthfully, um, because you're right, it's so. There's so much depth and richness to this and then just knowing who we are, um, in our wonderful interactions, and how much our friendship has has lasted as I've traveled across to the other side of the planet and you're still hanging strong in Seattle, and so could have been friends for 20 years and never discussed it.

Speaker 1 4:33

I, you know, there's a couple of friendships we have. We've been friends for longer than we've never discussed what our friendship is. So so this is a good actually this is a good exploratory conversation, all right. So so what does friendship mean to you at this point in time in your life?

Speaker 2 4:52

here. Here he comes. He's trying to do his ad hoc questions. When I can prepare, let can I start. Can I start us off you're? Gonna just diss my question, okay, you can go ahead and start as a guest in your podcast home. How did we become friends, Do you recall?

Speaker 1 5:10

How did we become friends? Do I recall? Yes, I do recall. Uh-huh oh you're waiting for me to.

Speaker 2 5:18

I'm not sure if I do, I'm not sure if I do, oh, okay okay.

Speaker 1 5:22

So when did we first meet Right? The first time we met we were. Was it the? The retreat to the for the nonprofit leadership? No, no, no, no, I was. I feel like that was the most. You know, that was the most meaningful time we met. It was because we actually got to chat and get to know each other at the retreat.

Speaker 2 5:44

You talking about pre? Okay, he's talking about. We did the same graduate program. It was a two-year program. This was 2014 to 2016.

Speaker 1 5:54

Right.

Speaker 2 5:55

And so you are talking about essentially like a beginning of the program retreat.

Speaker 1 6:03

Right the leadership retreat, yeah the leadership retreat that we did of the program retreat. Right the leadership retreat, yeah the leadership retreat that we were, that we did at the very.

Speaker 2 6:09

I don't remember talking to you, oh, oh, what was it? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait.

Speaker 1 6:16

You had the question.

Speaker 2 6:18

I know, but I thought it was something else. But I want to hear what do you remember hanging out together then?

Speaker 1 6:23

I remember I remember I remember talking through a lot of different stuff and it was again it was cohort model right.

Speaker 1 6:29

So all of us were kind of just kind of touch basing um probably 20, 20 people there was like 20 of us right, um and so, as we were all connecting and touch basing with each other, you know one, as people of color, that was one of the first things that that was important for me, that I was connecting with Right, and the fact that you also at the time we worked at the same institution we all worked at the same place, yeah.

Speaker 1 6:55

Right, right. And so then it was even more of a connection of like oh well, I can see this person and the other one was the, the, our other colleague who's someplace else, who's doing very well, and that was our connector, and so I think the first time I officially really met you was through them in their office space. We're thinking the same person, yes, okay.

Speaker 2 7:18

That is who I'm thinking about, because my memory of this retreat is that a few of us stayed up late playing games in our room and you didn't. You wanted to go to bed.

Speaker 1 7:30

Yeah, I wanted to go to sleep I remember that I was like I'm tired.

Friendship Evolution Over Time

Speaker 2 7:34

Okay, maybe we did bond there, but I think the real, the first time we actually met, maybe we didn't become friends was at some kind of a also pre-programmed thing a party where we took a photo together in a like a photo booth setup thing. So there, I don't have it which sucks there exists a photo of the first time that we met? Oh, I would love to find it.

Speaker 1 7:56

I would love to find it, so we're in a photo together, but only because you were friends with.

Speaker 2 8:00

you know we had a mutual friend and so we're together.

Speaker 1 8:09

But I remember thinking like oh, that guy brian's so nice, I'm so glad he's gonna be in this thing was, was it the event?

Speaker 2 8:12

that I was hosting the casino night event. I don't know what it was. I think it was an event where mostly the previous cohort was ah, oh, they were like letting us go. Yeah, yeah, whatever or it was an anniversary, a big event anniversary it was, it was their big, thing, it was.

Speaker 1 8:26

I remember that. I remember that. Oh my yeah.

Speaker 2 8:28

So there is a photo of us somewhere. There's a photo of the very first time.

Speaker 1 8:33

We should talk to Noreen and Maureen.

Speaker 2 8:37

So cute.

Speaker 1 8:38

Yeah, wow, okay, so first time. So what was your first impression of me?

Speaker 2 8:43

That you were nice okay, here that everybody automatically liked you, which bothered me because I liked you too, but I felt like they didn't know you and so it seemed inauthentic in some way. But that became something sort of funny to tease you about over the course of the to your program, which is your likability, is annoying. As someone who likes you, your likability is annoying all right, that is crazy.

Speaker 1 9:18

I've never heard that before. Your likability is absolutely annoying me right now, that is. I have to say that's awesome. Thank you, uh well, if your.

Speaker 2 9:31

If your partner was here, she would confirm that yeah, yeah, this is totally confirming. I can't lie this is like a sibling rivalry sort of that's too funny.

Speaker 1 9:42

That is too funny, okay. Well, I will answer the question to me I will, I, I, I thought you were spitfire, like you were. Uh, you were just, you were on point, but then there was just this sassiness that went with it, and so I was actually. I thought it was really funny. Yeah, I thought you were super adorable code.

Speaker 2 10:04

These are code words. Listeners, these are code words. Smart and interesting.

Speaker 1 10:12

Ah, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 10:13

Dynamic Okay sassy.

Speaker 1 10:17

Sassy.

Speaker 2 10:18

Not sassy.

Speaker 1 10:19

Sassy, yes, yes, very sassy. The listeners you hear this sass. They're sass right now. So I loved it though and, truth be told, it was a lot of truth saying you were very, even even when we first met, you were just, you were yourself. You know, unapologetically you and I really, really dig that, and I think even more as we became friends. You know, through all the ups and downs of our lives, we've been able to be there and you be unapologetically you. That has stayed there. So that's been fun, that's been great.

Speaker 2 10:59

We got really lucky because we were, you know, post school age. Lucky because we were, you know, post school age. You're never, you know, unless you're going to go to grad school or some kind of intensive program. When else are you going to see each other? We're going to see each other twice a week, every week for two years. Happy, you know, happy hours before or after class. Like we lived in the same neighborhood so Brian would walk, you know, walk me home after class. So sweet, that kind of time.

Speaker 2 11:25

You need that kind of face time to set up a friendship and then I feel like we just got lucky that it didn't end at the end of the program no, yeah, no, no, definitely.

Speaker 1 11:36

And the fact that, wow, you brought up the legendary uh, happy hours before class, hopped up on chicken wings, chicken wings and uh, yeah pre-classes yeah, no pre-pandemic, pre-pandemic going right, right uh going wait is it done, bubba?

Speaker 2 11:56

no, it's still there. Actually, I'm going on thursday oh, okay, I was.

Speaker 1 12:00

I was actually going to be really nervous, like bubba is not there.

Speaker 2 12:03

The wings are. Yeah, I'll be eating the wings in 48 hours please, please, have a wing I'll have one, yeah have a wing.

Speaker 1 12:10

Have a wing for me. So what? Okay, so that was one of your questions. What's one of your next questions?

Speaker 2 12:16

how has our friendship changed over time?

Speaker 1 12:20

that is an excellent question hey, that's an excellent question. He's that's an excellent question.

Speaker 2 12:26

He's going to say that about every question I ask.

Speaker 1 12:29

Okay, I'll make sure to throw in some disappointment in the question if that helps balance things out.

Speaker 2 12:34

I really feel like it's evolved over time.

The Modern Friendship Challenge

Speaker 1 12:37

It's evolved, yeah, yeah, I think, right, the friendships that I have had, that I've started out as young, when, as kids I only have a couple of those they have evolved Right, like they've gone through the ups and downs. Our friendship started when we were adults. Right, we had already kind of somewhat established who we are within our personalities and our traits and stuff. But even then there's some evolution to our relationship and I think some of that is just time and some of that is time and stuff. But even then there's some evolution to our relationship and I think some of that is just time and some of that's time and distance.

Speaker 1 13:09

But what stayed true to our relationship, which is, I think, the most important part, is our ability to trust each other and willingness to to step out and and be vulnerable with each other, and I think that's what has stayed through the evolution of our friendship. So I know I've changed. Coming to Bangalore and having a kid has kind of changed some aspects of me and how I've showed up in different ways as well, you know. So I think our friendship has matured. I would say that our friendship has matured, um, and it's, it's like a fine wine, oh, it's just so good.

Speaker 2 13:54

Yeah, I agree, it's matured. Isn't it lovely that the friendship can mature and we can be so immature? Um, that's so fun. Yeah, I agree, I think it's. It's so sweet. Uh, as time goes on, to think about you know, you weren't a dad. You know you weren't a dad.

Speaker 2 14:12

Yet at that time I know that's been such a huge life change for you we were still living in the same, you know, in the same neighborhood, which I really loved, and, uh, I feel like what's what stayed is this band, you know, this sibling like banter, that, um, it feels really unique in a lot, you know, compared to my other friendships and also that you're right, like it's.

Speaker 2 14:38

I mean, maybe this is what you're referring to when you say trust, but to me it's like we're friends so you could go move anywhere. You can move anywhere, or we could not talk for a year or two or whatever. It doesn't really do, it doesn't really mean anything. The friendship there I'll always care about you, I think you'll always hear about me and, um, catching up just becomes this fun thing to do. But I have seen, yeah, I, it's been cool to me to see as your life changes. Your willingness to still stay connected to me is a. You know, that's like a commitment, that's a friendship, is a commitment that people are making to each other. That doesn't get verbalized or formalized the way that romantic relationships do, um, which I think is a kind of a shame, because you don't get to sit.

Speaker 2 15:26

You know, you just sort of have to read between the lines of saying to this person, like, wherever you go, you know, I'm always going to be here for you, or you can still call me a friend, or I want to catch up with you or see you, or I want to know your kid. You know, I want to know your kid, or I want your kid to know me and to know your spouse and for your spouse to be supportive of our friendship. And it's so yeah, it's so fun.

Speaker 1 15:51

Yeah, I think you hit something really important to kind of talk about. It takes work in relationships, regardless of if it's a friendship or, like you said, a romantic relationship. It takes work and more people are more willing to talk about the work in a romantic relationship versus the work that's necessary in a friendship.

Speaker 2 16:15

Right. Right or that people, yeah that, people who disappoint you as a friend. You know, I feel like there's less. There are less structures and play.

Speaker 2 16:28

You know friends don't often go to therapy together to like sort out their differences, but actually everybody could, you know everyone could use some kind of conflict resolution, um, skill learning, and I think that, uh, it's devalue, you know, it's a part of the devaluing of friendship in society that doesn't get put on the same pedestal that a romantic relationship does, when, really, if you know you're you've, you're celebrating 14 years with your partner. If you had no friends in addition to this, you know, to that aspect of your family life, I think you would feel like something is missing yeah, you know what's interesting?

Speaker 1 17:09

you know, it just popped in my head while you're talking, very weirdly, and I and I was not a huge, I didn't watch these movies but I was thinking like, ok, if society is more caught up in the romantic relationships and indicating that you know what are the things that? How does society show friendship? You know what are the things that? How does society show friendship? And you know what? The movies that popped into my head the sisterhood of the traveling pants was one which is so random. Like I didn't. I didn't necessarily watch that movie, but that movie came into my mind because I was like, well, it wasn't necessarily about romance, it was about the friendship of these of these young girls, sure, right and essentially the structure of that film, which came from a book, was that they found a way sharing these pants through the mail, right, magical pants that everybody could fit.

Speaker 2 18:03

they ship them to the mail as a way to keep each other close, and I think that there are lots of opportunities for romantic partners to keep each other close, to express their affection for one another, to re-up on their commitments, and there doesn't exist that structure for friends 2018. Summer of 2018, ryan gets on a kick of making a different sangria every week and this guy drives all over town to hand deliver these incredible sangrias to his friends and I. Even at that time, we had already been friends for years.

Speaker 2 18:57

And even at that time I was like I'm on the list.

Speaker 1 19:01

I'm on the sangria list.

Speaker 2 19:02

I'm on the hand deliver. Let's sit here and chat, you know. Let's sit here and connect, which was the bigger thing, right the sitting and the chatting was more than the sangria, but what a cute you know what a cute package for that to come in, but I even then I was like oh, I'm on the sangria list, it felt like a you get a little affirmation of oh, this person likes me as much as I like them yeah, I, that's I.

Speaker 1 19:27

You know that's the first time I've heard the sangria summer, summer of sangrias, right, that's what. The coin was kind of brought up in that way. I I didn't, I didn't really think about it, I just, you know, wanted to make these sangrias, but, you're right, I wanted to share it with people that I care about and everyone that was on that list have. I still have a strong connection with um, and that is I didn't think about it like that. So that's thank you for saying that, because you know the wifey is like that's the most expensive summer we ever had.

Speaker 1 20:00

I was like but I was just making sangrias, it was awesome.

Speaker 1 20:05

I love that I look at the photos of those sangrias and you actually, when I look at the photo, you know what I actually think about. Look at the photo, you know what I actually think about. I think about who liked what and why they liked it. And it wasn't necessarily the sangria itself, but I remember like, okay, this was the fan favorite because everyone loved this and it was so much fun. That was. That was a lot of fun. So thank you for bringing that up. That was super cool.

Summer of Sangria: Building Community

Speaker 2 20:29

I'm so nostalgic for it and and I think that in many ways, what you were doing was a radical act of community building and we need more today. We need so much more of it today. If you don't live in a walkable city or you don't know who your neighbors are, we're all you know. I work from home. We're all more and more insular. I only know the people. I know I'm not meeting people in the street, I'm not making new friends, I'm not. I don't know. I don't really know anybody who disagrees with me.

Speaker 2 21:03

You know, whatever, it's all echo chamber stuff, and I think that we, more and more, are going to need to go out of our way to be in physical space with other people and to be in connection with other people. You're going to. You know we're going to need to make this angry. You guys need to make this angry and you know, go to deliver them. It's like it's not going to come to you.

Speaker 2 21:29

You want it to deliver them. It's like it's not going to come to you. You want it. You're going to have to go and you know if you want this village.

Speaker 1 21:37

You have to just start by trying to be it. Yeah, yeah, that that is a great connection, right, because you're right, like the way the, the way the world is going, right, everyone is in front of a computer screen, everyone is locked away. Um, the covid is over, but there's fear of something else coming. And now the fear is is building, uh, to this really, uh, just epic proportions. Right, it's already, it was already dangerous before. Now. It's just just crazy, uh they call.

Speaker 1 22:12

They're calling it a loneliness epidemic yeah, yeah, and yet we're supposed to be so connected what do you think I mean?

Speaker 2 22:21

how do you feel about making new friends at this stage of your life? Does it feel possible? Does it feel like what you want to?

Speaker 1 22:29

do I actually do? I, you know, as a part of this journaling exercise, what I've realized about myself is that the loneliest I feel is when I'm by myself, when it's only my family that surrounds me. There's no connection anymore anymore. And I think you brought the. The same summer, sangria was a beautiful thought process and, in a very unconscious way, for me, of still building that community, because I didn't realize that so. But now, um, for me it's actually doing something new, right, coaching.

Speaker 1 23:05

I came, I moved to bangalore and I just had family and I had maybe a couple of people in the complex that were connected to my family in some way, but I wasn't necessarily like really feeling connected anywhere. And it wasn't until I started doing the coaching that I actually have found people that I'm really strongly connected to. Um, I would also say this going through an experience with a cohort or a group of people for me is super important. It's a, it's one of the easiest ways and one of the things that I love of how to make strong connection, meaningful connections with people is going through a cohort experience with each other, right, and that experience is something to build upon. So so coaching for me has been that way for me to actually build my own community here. A community of coaches is a really nice community. It's people that will automatically listen to you.

Speaker 2 24:08

They're hype AF or whatever you got going on.

Speaker 1 24:12

They already are really good listeners. It is too a nonjudgmental space. I mean, how can you not want to find a community like that? Right, they'll listen to you and they won't judge you, so it's been really good. What about you now? How are you making connections? Where are you making your connections?

Speaker 2 24:40

Yeah, it's interesting. I feel like I'm I'm 36 now.

Speaker 1 24:45

And.

Speaker 2 24:45

I think, when I was younger, you know, I was very best friend obsessed, think, obsessed, think, oh, if I, if I have a best friend, I'm their best friend and they're my best friend, and it's, it's, it's declared, everybody knows, there's like a certain level of um security that comes with that kind of attachment, and then you grow up and you realize best friend is a tear, it's not a person you know, and so now I have these you know, quote unquote best friends, who are just a couple of people that I met through work, who you know also, um, who are like you know.

Speaker 2 25:23

So you know, her mom had an emergency surgery. I'm gonna go to the hospital to be with my friend, to distract her, to chat with her, to help her think through what she needs to go through. Like that is the level of friendship that I have achieved with these two intelligent, incredible, funny, um, sweet women. That is far and beyond. I feel like what you know. On a bad day I feel like more than I deserve and on a good day like oh, your best, your wildest dream right that you could be a person and have

Speaker 2 25:59

people who really see you, who are up to date on the little day-to-day bs that doesn't matter, and on the really big stuff family stuff are there for each other, especially in this season of life that's getting um scarier and scarier. But then you I mean, at least I've been learning you can't have just that. It's not really enough, especially for me. I'm single, I'm child free, they're each married, they have multiple children. The scheduling alone. You know you're scheduling a quarter ahead. You know ahead and they're not. You know we're not living in the same neighborhood.

Speaker 2 26:33

It's not as um easy as it was when you're in your 20s, yeah, and so you realize, like wait, if I want to have like a really full social life, it involves having all different types of friendships these two people who I consider my sisters, and people that you have game night with and people that you just go on a walk with and people who are like friends. But it's like you, it's cool to talk about work. You know your other friends might get a little annoyed by that, but these are people who work in the same industry as you and they also want you to find it interesting to talk about. So I think that being open at this stage of life to having all different types of friendships. Not being so all or nothing about what a friendship needs to look like has opened up my life more, and I hope it gets even more and more open.

Speaker 2 27:22

I'm a little shy and, like you said, we've been inside, and so I think it's true that you have to like join things group you know group workout class or you know book club or whatever like to be able to get out there and there's no, there's not a good enough, um, like modeling for that kind of skill. There's a lot of modeling for getting out out there to try, to date, not a lot of modeling for getting out there and trying to be friends. And media shows you your best friend lives with you in your apartment. Guess what? Your other two best friends live across the hall.

Speaker 1 28:00

And guess what your other two best?

Speaker 2 28:02

friends live five minutes away and you're all together every day before and after work. It's like this is a lie, that I have been sold since I was little. Actually, that's not realistic at all.

Speaker 1 28:12

Like you really have to try no, I mean the only time that your best friends are surrounding you like that, truthfully, is college, when you're living in a res hall, right? That's the only kind of situation that's going to really bring that about a lot of people.

Speaker 1 28:28

It's the last time. It's the first and last, because you didn't, you didn't go into that, so you didn't have that space going into it in the first place. Yeah, yeah, you're, you're totally right, it's. It's a, it's a myth, it's a, it's a really strong myth. So you know, um, friends is super, super, duper popular in india, and I'm not a Friends fan. I'm telling you, I'm not a Friends fan, but that show is so popular here in India.

Speaker 2 28:58

And it is lying to people.

Speaker 1 29:01

Oh, it's a huge lie. It's a huge lie.

Speaker 2 29:03

Social activity can be, and I think you know. Then, in the absence of a real social life, that requires all this vulnerability and risk and is staying in and watching the friends on TV.

Speaker 2 29:18

Right, I'll watch, I'll sort of get a pair of social connection going because I don't really know what to do in real life to go and find that. And I think that if anybody listening can take one thing away from this, it is that it is worth, you know, embarrassing yourself to. You know what might feel like embarrassing yourself to try and make a new friend that it's not going to just sort of happen to you.

Speaker 2 29:46

If you want it. I think you can pursue it, and it is, you know, I think the fear would be like, oh, it's desperate. Actually, that's what they it. I think you can pursue it and it is, you know. I think the fear would be like, oh, it's desperate. Actually, that's what they want you to think. It's not desperate. Everybody feels this way, and then part of the lie is that no one else feels this way except for you.

Speaker 1 30:01

So then people don't do it.

Speaker 2 30:02

I mean, actually everybody is looking to be more expansive with their social lives and I think people would welcome it.

Speaker 1 30:09

Yeah, you know, I think some of this misnomer is the idea of social. And then they add social media. Because what I find when I go to a restaurant, when I'm hanging out with friends, you know, at some point someone picks up their phone and starts scrolling through their whatever social media there. If it's Instagram, if it's instagram, if it's facebook, they're, they're looking at reels, that and and that becomes that, has become the hallmark of making a friend right of social connection. I'm gonna make this real of me, you know, dressing up in my mirror to show other people how I feel about myself, and it's like, why don't you just call your friend up and talk about how you feel? Why are we having to put it on a reel someplace? But that's, you know. I almost find it like that's where it is right now.

Speaker 1 31:04

Everything is, you know, like here there's a lot of pubs, interesting enough, tons of pubs and bars and breweries up and down where I live here in Bangalore, and you get the large groups of techie, young techies coming in, the young adults, and they're sitting around and there's a lull and all of a sudden you just see the. It's like a. The phone comes up and then you see the scroll. You see it, you see them going through it, and then someone finally says like hey, and then they start talking again and the phones go down. But when there's a lull, the phone starts to come up.

Speaker 2 31:44

Yeah, because it's not comfortable.

Speaker 1 31:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2 31:48

To be. How can I be alone? You, you know I need to be on the phone. I'm missing.

Speaker 1 31:54

You know, I'm a. I I'm not gonna throw stones, I am a huge I have such a huge bad habit, please, right, right I'm doing it like oh me just be.

Speaker 2 32:04

I can't throw stones.

Making Connections in a Disconnected World

Speaker 1 32:05

I can't throw stones at this, but I am aware of how bad it is that I feel like I'm missing out on something. There's something happening here in this, in this phone, in this universe of the internet, that I need to be aware of, I need to know about or I need to connect to, and so I must look at my phone, I, and I'm trying to come, I'm trying to come back. I'm trying to beat that down. I'm trying to actually not do that and actually be more connected with the people that are right next to me, versus thinking I need to be looking at my phone. I'm not even connecting anything. I'm looking at comics, I'm reading comics. I'm not even looking at Instagram. Let's be clear here on my phone. So that's a huge part. That's a huge part. That's a huge part. You had six questions. Where are we at?

Speaker 2 32:54

we're at that we hit him.

Speaker 1 32:56

We hit him oh, we hit the questions. This is, this is amazing, this is good. What do you think people need to do in order to really to, to strengthen friendships?

Speaker 2 33:09

I think the one that I just named, which is, if you're in the market for new friends, do not let this fear of being rejected or you know whatever, feeling like there's something wrong with you that you don't have friends, so there's something wrong with trying to make friends. You're like outing yourself that you don't have any. I think that's totally false, totally um um a trap, because it sort of leads you to believe that you're the only one who feels this way, when actually there's a lot of people who are interested making new friends.

Speaker 2 33:41

They're just not a lot of spaces for it yeah that's one, and I would say two that if you don't, if you're not aware of what those spaces are, try to make them for yourself, if you wish that you knew your neighbors more.

Speaker 2 33:56

Organize something and you know we've got like a little roof here with a little barbecue up on it, right like in the summer. You know, invite, just start with just people in your hall or just the people on either side of you, like, hey, you know, bring, bring whatever you want to drink, I'll be up there tomorrow when people can come or don't come or whatever. But instead of wishing like knew each other better or felt more neighborly here like you, can turn that into some small thing that you're doing and I think that stuff like that can really catch on. But trying to be active about the thing that you want to see change feels like a really big one. Do make the sangria. Make the sangria.

Speaker 1 34:33

Make the sangria, make the sangria, make the sangria. No one will say no, that's true. I would. I mean that was that's a great, that's a great segue, right, like, do something that when you feel really good with right. The reason why I did the sangria was because I had just this yeah, I just had this interest to make these sangrias because I had this book.

Speaker 2 34:55

And then we all loved it. You know, then it was totally contagious.

Speaker 1 34:59

Right, right. And you know, what actually I really enjoyed was the last part. You remember when I sent the survey out of what's your favorite sangria and then I made the three top sangrias that people voted for and then brought everyone together for the sangria party.

Speaker 2 35:16

Yeah, I totally forgot about that. That was the grand finale. That was so smart.

Speaker 1 35:23

Yeah, I and then, and so the folks that couldn't make it, I still had some sangria for them, but like it was the grand for the end. So all these people that actually didn't get to participate in the initial, you know summer of sangria, they got to participate at the end thing and it was like my staff, like we're like super.

Speaker 2 35:45

Summer of sangria people.

Speaker 1 35:47

Yeah, it was, it was a, it was a treasure, and that's my what am I just most treasured things? I actually have a friend here that I did a sangria with here. I was like hey. I was like, yeah, I can make sangrias, I love sangrias and they're like we've never really had one. So I've made some sangria for them and they're like super good. I know I had to hide it from my mother-in-law, though, because I was like all right, I'm with it. I'm like I'm making booze. I know, I was like hey so funny.

Speaker 1 36:16

I'm like when's am I gonna be headed over someplace else because I need to make the sangria and I need like funny 48 hours for it to to ferment. I know that was a lot of fun we're. We're coming up close on our time here. What, uh? You kind of already said some takeaways, right, Like what you should be doing to strengthen your friendships and where can we connect? Is there anything else that you would love for listeners to to really kind of walk away with from the from our episode today?

Speaker 2 36:47

This is not for your listeners, this is just for, just for us.

Speaker 1 36:51

No, I'm wondering.

Speaker 2 36:53

I'm wondering, brianrian, in you know we've been friends, I think we uh saying like 10, 10, 11 years it's almost 10 years, isn't that crazy? So in another 10, in another decade right um. What do you, what do you hope for me, your friend Annie.

Speaker 1 37:13

One, I hope for Annie to be happy truthfully, and to be happy unapologetically, right, like to be yourself, to not feel like you have to substitute anything about who you are and what you're doing in this world. And two, I want you to travel to India One of these part of these 10 years. You're going to come and visit me in India so that you can have some fun and and really have.

Speaker 2 37:43

Trying to get a binding, trying to get a binding verbal contract. This is yes, yes.

Speaker 1 37:49

This is, this is our friendship. Binding contracts, no, but I, you know, I just want happiness for you truthfully, and the person you are now in those 10 years you have changed to be such an amazing person. I know you really put up with a lot in the beginning. No, no, no, no, you were fine in the beginning you know I was 20-something sort of trying to be Right right.

Speaker 1 38:12

You were fine in the beginning. I was 20 something sort of trying to be Right. Right you were. You were fine in the beginning. You are amazing now and I am excited to see what 10 years down the road looks like Cause. Then it's just gonna be like Super duper. Let's build some statues Of Annie and put those up At like random places.

Speaker 2 38:32

Oh gosh, get you a friend like Brian.

Speaker 1 38:38

You know how you get a friend like Brian. Go coaching, do coaching.

Speaker 2 38:43

There you go. Yeah, plug, plug, plug, plug.

Speaker 1 38:46

Go coaching, go find those ICF coaching places.

Speaker 2 38:49

No actually I would say coaching Great friend, better coach a better coach.

Speaker 1 38:56

I'm gonna use that as a tag great friend, the better coach, yeah, well, uh, with that, I want to say thank you to annie for being amazing. Truthfully, uh, this was a lot of fun and I miss you. I miss you and I'm excited that we will continue this outside of the podcast. Okay, we will continue our conversations of growth and and just evolution, because I really feel like those are a lot of fun let's do it thank you for listening to what makes us.

Speaker 1 39:33

Make sure to rate or review this podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or send it to a friend who you think will enjoy this podcast. Thank you for sharing your time and see you soon.