{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":5.16,"endTime":8.76,"body":"Have you ever tried to"},{"startTime":5.16,"endTime":8.76,"body":"remember your earliest memory?"},{"startTime":9.64,"endTime":15.08,"body":"Like, really tried to go back"},{"startTime":9.64,"endTime":15.08,"body":"beyond birthdays, beyond holidays,"},{"startTime":15.6,"endTime":16.96,"body":"just to see what's there?"},{"startTime":17.96,"endTime":19.68,"body":"I've tried this a couple of times."},{"startTime":20.24,"endTime":24.6,"body":"I sit quietly and I think,"},{"startTime":20.24,"endTime":24.6,"body":"Okay, brain, take me back."},{"startTime":25.56,"endTime":27.64,"body":"Let's go to 1990-something."},{"startTime":28.32,"endTime":32.4,"body":"And nothing, or rather, very little."},{"startTime":33.36,"endTime":36.695,"body":"Because the truth is,"},{"startTime":33.36,"endTime":36.695,"body":"I don't just struggle to remember"},{"startTime":36.72,"endTime":39.04,"body":"the very beginning of my early life."},{"startTime":39.8,"endTime":43.12,"body":"I struggle to remember large"},{"startTime":39.8,"endTime":43.12,"body":"chunks of it in general."},{"startTime":43.96,"endTime":49.72,"body":"My early childhood feels like a slideshow"},{"startTime":43.96,"endTime":49.72,"body":"where most of the slides are missing."},{"startTime":50.52,"endTime":53.215,"body":"I don't have a smooth, continuous story."},{"startTime":53.24,"endTime":59.6,"body":"I just have little flashes here and there,"},{"startTime":53.24,"endTime":59.6,"body":"moments, a few scattered memories,"},{"startTime":60.32,"endTime":62.64,"body":"like islands in a sea of fog."},{"startTime":63.64,"endTime":64.72,"body":"And here's the weird part."},{"startTime":65.36,"endTime":68.2,"body":"There's absolutely no explanation for it."},{"startTime":68.8,"endTime":70.56,"body":"Nothing traumatic happened."},{"startTime":71.12,"endTime":73.92,"body":"I'm not repressing"},{"startTime":71.12,"endTime":73.92,"body":"anything as far as I know."},{"startTime":74.56,"endTime":78.64,"body":"My childhood was safe,"},{"startTime":74.56,"endTime":78.64,"body":"stable, and full of love."},{"startTime":79.24,"endTime":80.92,"body":"So what's happened?"},{"startTime":82.12,"endTime":86.12,"body":"Before we get onto that,"},{"startTime":82.12,"endTime":86.12,"body":"welcome back to English and Beyond:"},{"startTime":86.56,"endTime":88.48,"body":"Intermediate English Podcast."},{"startTime":89.12,"endTime":90.96,"body":"As always, my name is Oliver."},{"startTime":91.48,"endTime":96.2,"body":"You can find a transcript and vocab"},{"startTime":91.48,"endTime":96.2,"body":"flashcards to help you learn the most"},{"startTime":96.32,"endTime":101.655,"body":"challenging words"},{"startTime":96.32,"endTime":101.655,"body":"from this episode at www."},{"startTime":101.68,"endTime":103.6,"body":"morethanalanguage."},{"startTime":101.68,"endTime":103.6,"body":"com."},{"startTime":104.2,"endTime":108.04,"body":"And that content, like this"},{"startTime":104.2,"endTime":108.04,"body":"podcast, is completely free."},{"startTime":109.4,"endTime":115.72,"body":"So, turning back to our topic today,"},{"startTime":109.4,"endTime":115.72,"body":"one of the first memories I do have,"},{"startTime":116.52,"endTime":120.96,"body":"and it's really clear for some reason,"},{"startTime":116.52,"endTime":120.96,"body":"is from a day at school."},{"startTime":121.84,"endTime":124.84,"body":"I must have been about"},{"startTime":121.84,"endTime":124.84,"body":"three or four years old."},{"startTime":125.48,"endTime":129.84,"body":"I was in the playground"},{"startTime":125.48,"endTime":129.84,"body":"running around, doing whatever it is"},{"startTime":130.04,"endTime":135.44,"body":"little kids do when they have a burst"},{"startTime":130.04,"endTime":135.44,"body":"of energy and a total lack of balance."},{"startTime":136.08,"endTime":137.38,"body":"And then it happened."},{"startTime":137.48,"endTime":142.4,"body":"I tripped and I fell - spectacularly,"},{"startTime":137.48,"endTime":142.4,"body":"I fell, in my mind."},{"startTime":143.04,"endTime":148.0,"body":"I scraped my knee on the concrete,"},{"startTime":143.04,"endTime":148.0,"body":"not too badly, but enough to bleed."},{"startTime":148.8,"endTime":154.96,"body":"And naturally, I burst into tears,"},{"startTime":148.8,"endTime":154.96,"body":"not because of the pain, not really."},{"startTime":155.52,"endTime":159.2,"body":"It was the emotion of it all, the shock,"},{"startTime":155.52,"endTime":159.2,"body":"the drama, the"},{"startTime":159.8,"endTime":164.12,"body":"sense that something had gone terribly"},{"startTime":159.8,"endTime":164.12,"body":"wrong in my tiny little world."},{"startTime":164.8,"endTime":167.68,"body":"And more than anything, I wanted my mum."},{"startTime":168.52,"endTime":173.76,"body":"I remember sitting there with my lip"},{"startTime":168.52,"endTime":173.76,"body":"trembling, my eyes filled with tears,"},{"startTime":174.2,"endTime":176.6,"body":"wishing she would magically appear."},{"startTime":177.08,"endTime":178.48,"body":"Of course, she couldn't."},{"startTime":179.12,"endTime":181.88,"body":"But someone else did appear,"},{"startTime":179.12,"endTime":181.88,"body":"the school nurse."},{"startTime":182.84,"endTime":185.36,"body":"She took me to the little first aid room."},{"startTime":185.92,"endTime":187.04,"body":"She cleaned my wound."},{"startTime":187.52,"endTime":190.6,"body":"She bandaged my knee like"},{"startTime":187.52,"endTime":190.6,"body":"I'd survived a battle."},{"startTime":191.56,"endTime":195.88,"body":"And I remember that part too,"},{"startTime":191.56,"endTime":195.88,"body":"sitting there on the white paper-covered"},{"startTime":195.92,"endTime":201.495,"body":"bed, swinging my feet,"},{"startTime":195.92,"endTime":201.495,"body":"feeling like a small, injured hero."},{"startTime":201.52,"endTime":204.52,"body":"I probably even got a sticker."},{"startTime":205.24,"endTime":210.6,"body":"But it's funny how that memory has stayed"},{"startTime":205.24,"endTime":210.6,"body":"with me, not because it was traumatic,"},{"startTime":211.04,"endTime":213.2,"body":"it wasn't, but because it was charged."},{"startTime":213.88,"endTime":219.975,"body":"There was emotion, there was comfort,"},{"startTime":213.88,"endTime":219.975,"body":"there was a story, even if the defining"},{"startTime":220.0,"endTime":223.64,"body":"element of that story was"},{"startTime":220.0,"endTime":223.64,"body":"the absence of my mum."},{"startTime":224.6,"endTime":229.04,"body":"And in fact, the more I think about it,"},{"startTime":224.6,"endTime":229.04,"body":"the more I realise"},{"startTime":229.84,"endTime":235.68,"body":"all of my earliest memories are about my"},{"startTime":229.84,"endTime":235.68,"body":"mum, not parties or games"},{"startTime":236.08,"endTime":238.4,"body":"or Christmas presents, just her."},{"startTime":239.16,"endTime":243.255,"body":"Cuddles before bed,"},{"startTime":239.16,"endTime":243.255,"body":"crying at the school gates because I"},{"startTime":243.28,"endTime":246.08,"body":"didn't want her to leave,"},{"startTime":243.28,"endTime":246.08,"body":"the smell of her perfume"},{"startTime":246.52,"endTime":250.655,"body":"when she kissed me goodbye, and her voice"},{"startTime":246.52,"endTime":250.655,"body":"telling me everything"},{"startTime":250.68,"endTime":251.84,"body":"was going to be okay."},{"startTime":252.72,"endTime":257.135,"body":"Maybe that's why those memories are the"},{"startTime":252.72,"endTime":257.135,"body":"ones that lasted when I have very"},{"startTime":257.16,"endTime":259.08,"body":"few others from the same time."},{"startTime":259.84,"endTime":262.76,"body":"Maybe because they weren't"},{"startTime":259.84,"endTime":262.76,"body":"just things that happened."},{"startTime":263.24,"endTime":264.42,"body":"They were feelings."},{"startTime":264.8,"endTime":268.88,"body":"They were moments where I needed"},{"startTime":264.8,"endTime":268.88,"body":"someone, and someone was there."},{"startTime":269.92,"endTime":274.96,"body":"So, why is it that most of us can't"},{"startTime":269.92,"endTime":274.96,"body":"remember much or anything"},{"startTime":275.28,"endTime":276.32,"body":"from those early years?"},{"startTime":277.4,"endTime":280.76,"body":"There's actually a name for this,"},{"startTime":277.4,"endTime":280.76,"body":"childhood amnesia."},{"startTime":281.44,"endTime":285.12,"body":"It's the reason why, even though we lived"},{"startTime":281.44,"endTime":285.12,"body":"through those early years,"},{"startTime":285.52,"endTime":287.32,"body":"we can't access the memories."},{"startTime":288.36,"endTime":292.92,"body":"According to neuroscientists,"},{"startTime":288.36,"endTime":292.92,"body":"it has a lot to do with brain development."},{"startTime":293.84,"endTime":297.335,"body":"The hippocampus,"},{"startTime":293.84,"endTime":297.335,"body":"the part of the brain responsible for"},{"startTime":297.36,"endTime":301.88,"body":"forming and storing long-term memories,"},{"startTime":297.36,"endTime":301.88,"body":"isn't fully developed"},{"startTime":302.2,"endTime":303.84,"body":"in babies and toddlers."},{"startTime":304.64,"endTime":310.415,"body":"So even if we experience something, the"},{"startTime":304.64,"endTime":310.415,"body":"brain might not store it in a"},{"startTime":310.44,"endTime":312.64,"body":"way that we can later retrieve."},{"startTime":313.56,"endTime":315.32,"body":"And then there's language."},{"startTime":316.12,"endTime":320.88,"body":"We don't really start using language"},{"startTime":316.12,"endTime":320.88,"body":"until we're around two years old."},{"startTime":321.76,"endTime":327.6,"body":"And without words, it's hard to create the"},{"startTime":321.76,"endTime":327.6,"body":"structured autobiographical memories that"},{"startTime":328.12,"endTime":329.88,"body":"we rely on as adults."},{"startTime":331.04,"endTime":335.24,"body":"Basically, if you can't name it,"},{"startTime":331.04,"endTime":335.24,"body":"if you can't describe it,"},{"startTime":335.96,"endTime":337.72,"body":"you probably won't remember it."},{"startTime":338.76,"endTime":341.6,"body":"However, not everyone is like this."},{"startTime":342.4,"endTime":347.92,"body":"There's a very rare condition called"},{"startTime":342.4,"endTime":347.92,"body":"H-S-A-M, highly superior"},{"startTime":348.12,"endTime":349.72,"body":"autobiographical memory."},{"startTime":350.44,"endTime":354.84,"body":"People with HSAM can remember almost"},{"startTime":350.44,"endTime":354.84,"body":"everything from their lives,"},{"startTime":355.4,"endTime":361.36,"body":"often from as early as two years"},{"startTime":355.4,"endTime":361.36,"body":"old, in vivid, emotional detail."},{"startTime":362.12,"endTime":366.895,"body":"You can ask them, \"What happened"},{"startTime":362.12,"endTime":366.895,"body":"on Tuesday, 6th March, 2001?"},{"startTime":366.92,"endTime":371.615,"body":"\" And they'll say, \"Oh,"},{"startTime":366.92,"endTime":371.615,"body":"that's the day I wore a red jumper"},{"startTime":371.64,"endTime":373.88,"body":"and ate chicken nuggets for lunch."},{"startTime":374.68,"endTime":378.495,"body":"It rained in the afternoon and I"},{"startTime":374.68,"endTime":378.495,"body":"stubbed my toe on a coffee table."},{"startTime":378.52,"endTime":382.255,"body":"\" And part of me"},{"startTime":378.52,"endTime":382.255,"body":"thinks, \"Wow, what a gift."},{"startTime":382.28,"endTime":387.615,"body":"\" And the other part of me thinks,"},{"startTime":382.28,"endTime":387.615,"body":"\"Oh, no, no, no, absolutely not."},{"startTime":387.64,"endTime":388.0,"body":"\""},{"startTime":388.88,"endTime":394.08,"body":"Because I already spent way too much time"},{"startTime":388.88,"endTime":394.08,"body":"remembering embarrassing things I said"},{"startTime":394.4,"endTime":399.52,"body":"last week or moments that still"},{"startTime":394.4,"endTime":399.52,"body":"make me cringe 10 years later."},{"startTime":400.2,"endTime":406.28,"body":"Can you imagine having perfect recall of"},{"startTime":400.2,"endTime":406.28,"body":"every awkward thing you've ever done."},{"startTime":407.04,"endTime":409.76,"body":"If I had HSAM, I wouldn't sleep."},{"startTime":410.64,"endTime":415.4,"body":"I'd be haunted by every time I waved at"},{"startTime":410.64,"endTime":415.4,"body":"someone who wasn't waving at me,"},{"startTime":415.96,"endTime":421.96,"body":"every joke I told that landed flat,"},{"startTime":415.96,"endTime":421.96,"body":"every moment of teenage melodrama and"},{"startTime":422.4,"endTime":424.52,"body":"every unrequited crush."},{"startTime":425.48,"endTime":429.32,"body":"So honestly, I'm very grateful"},{"startTime":425.48,"endTime":429.32,"body":"for the holes in my memory."},{"startTime":429.8,"endTime":432.2,"body":"It's like my brain is doing me a kindness."},{"startTime":432.96,"endTime":436.16,"body":"Don't worry, Oliver, we're just"},{"startTime":432.96,"endTime":436.16,"body":"going to delete that for you."},{"startTime":437.12,"endTime":439.32,"body":"And here's something"},{"startTime":437.12,"endTime":439.32,"body":"else that fascinates me."},{"startTime":440.04,"endTime":443.48,"body":"Memory isn't a perfect"},{"startTime":440.04,"endTime":443.48,"body":"record of what happened."},{"startTime":444.4,"endTime":446.84,"body":"It's not a video that you can replay."},{"startTime":447.48,"endTime":451.08,"body":"It's more like a story"},{"startTime":447.48,"endTime":451.08,"body":"that keep rewriting."},{"startTime":451.88,"endTime":455.2,"body":"Scientists call this"},{"startTime":451.88,"endTime":455.2,"body":"reconstructive memory."},{"startTime":455.84,"endTime":459.28,"body":"Every time you remember something, you're"},{"startTime":455.84,"endTime":459.28,"body":"not just retrieving it,"},{"startTime":459.96,"endTime":460.92,"body":"you're rebuilding it."},{"startTime":461.92,"endTime":464.88,"body":"And with every rebuild,"},{"startTime":461.92,"endTime":464.88,"body":"the details can shift."},{"startTime":465.8,"endTime":468.64,"body":"Maybe I did scrape my knee that day."},{"startTime":469.2,"endTime":472.04,"body":"Maybe the nurse really"},{"startTime":469.2,"endTime":472.04,"body":"did give me a sticker."},{"startTime":472.56,"endTime":477.04,"body":"Or maybe my brain filled in some of those"},{"startTime":472.56,"endTime":477.04,"body":"details later to"},{"startTime":477.48,"endTime":479.36,"body":"make the memory more complete."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":480.52,"endTime":482.76,"body":"it feels real."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":483.8,"endTime":488.2,"body":"And in a way, I suppose,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":483.8,"endTime":488.2,"body":"that's what really matters, no?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":488.92,"endTime":493.84,"body":"The emotion of it, the impact it had,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":488.92,"endTime":493.84,"body":"and the fact that it stayed with me."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":495.16,"endTime":497.32,"body":"Most of us don't remember days."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":497.76,"endTime":504.92,"body":"We remember moments, emotionally charged,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":497.76,"endTime":504.92,"body":"sensory-rich, often repetitive moments."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":506.0,"endTime":511.335,"body":"The smell of your grandparents' house,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":506.0,"endTime":511.335,"body":"the way the sun looked through the window"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":511.36,"endTime":516.775,"body":"of your childhood bedroom,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":511.36,"endTime":516.775,"body":"the feeling of your small hand in a bigger"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":516.8,"endTime":521.72,"body":"one, the sound of a lullaby,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":516.8,"endTime":521.72,"body":"or your favourite cartoon theme tune."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":522.52,"endTime":524.375,"body":"Memory loves emotion."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":524.4,"endTime":526.04,"body":"It loves smell."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":526.32,"endTime":527.32,"body":"It loves routine."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":527.96,"endTime":529.72,"body":"But it's also unpredictable."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":530.56,"endTime":535.2,"body":"Some of the strangest things stay with us,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":530.56,"endTime":535.2,"body":"and we never really know why."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":536.08,"endTime":540.255,"body":"So I want to ask you,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":536.08,"endTime":540.255,"body":"what's your earliest memory?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":540.28,"endTime":544.68,"body":"Is it crystal clear or"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":540.28,"endTime":544.68,"body":"fuzzy around the edges?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":545.44,"endTime":548.44,"body":"Is it a feeling, a moment, a smell?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":549.36,"endTime":554.4,"body":"Is it something important or something"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":549.36,"endTime":554.4,"body":"completely random, like my scraped knee?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":555.28,"endTime":558.095,"body":"You can send me an email at"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":555.28,"endTime":558.095,"body":"oliver@morethanalanguage."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":558.12,"endTime":558.495,"body":"com."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":558.52,"endTime":562.735,"body":"You can comment on this episode on"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":558.52,"endTime":562.735,"body":"YouTube, or you could"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":562.76,"endTime":564.04,"body":"do the same on Spotify."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":564.6,"endTime":567.8,"body":"It doesn't matter where, as long"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":564.6,"endTime":567.8,"body":"as you're practising your English."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":568.64,"endTime":572.495,"body":"And I honestly love hearing people's"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":568.64,"endTime":572.495,"body":"memory stories because"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":572.52,"endTime":573.96,"body":"each one is so different."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":574.84,"endTime":579.68,"body":"If you're someone who does remember a lot,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":574.84,"endTime":579.68,"body":"maybe you've got a detailed mental"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":579.88,"endTime":585.12,"body":"scrapbook of your whole childhood, I'm"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":579.88,"endTime":585.12,"body":"really curious to know what that's like."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":585.92,"endTime":591.055,"body":"Do you enjoy having access"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":585.92,"endTime":591.055,"body":"to all those moments, or do you"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":591.08,"endTime":593.2,"body":"sometimes wish you could forget more?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":594.32,"endTime":599.16,"body":"Sometimes I wonder,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":594.32,"endTime":599.16,"body":"if I could go back and watch my childhood"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":599.36,"endTime":601.84,"body":"like a movie, what would surprise me?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":602.72,"endTime":606.0,"body":"Would I notice things I never"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":602.72,"endTime":606.0,"body":"picked up on at the time?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":606.88,"endTime":611.52,"body":"Would I see the beginnings of patterns"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":606.88,"endTime":611.52,"body":"I only recognise now as an adult?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":612.64,"endTime":616.96,"body":"Would I feel proud or embarrassed,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":612.64,"endTime":616.96,"body":"or just nostalgic?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":618.04,"endTime":623.08,"body":"Or would I just think, wow, that little"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":618.04,"endTime":623.08,"body":"kid really, really loves his mum?"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":623.92,"endTime":627.28,"body":"Whatever the answer,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":623.92,"endTime":627.28,"body":"I guess the fact that I wonder about it"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":627.6,"endTime":633.16,"body":"means the story still matters, even if"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":627.6,"endTime":633.16,"body":"I only remember a few scattered scenes."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":633.8,"endTime":634.72,"body":"Thanks for listening."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":635.36,"endTime":639.24,"body":"Please subscribe and rate,"},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":635.36,"endTime":639.24,"body":"follow, share with your friends."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":639.88,"endTime":641.64,"body":"Anything to help the podcast grow."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":642.36,"endTime":644.52,"body":"And thank you again."},{"speaker":"But here's the thing","startTime":642.36,"endTime":644.52,"body":"And until next time."}]}