#069: Erica Allaby-Finding Your Creative Identity by Having the Courage to Go Within

What if creativity doesn’t begin with talent… but with the courage to look inward?

In this conversation, Maddox and Dwight sit down with Erica Allaby, someone they’ve shared community with for years… yet realized they had never fully heard her creative story.

What unfolds is a deeply human journey.

Erica shares how she grew up with a quiet sense of being a lone wolf… connected to people, yet always searching for where she truly belonged. That search eventually brought her to Texas… a spontaneous move that became the beginning of a life shaped by curiosity, storytelling, and exploration.

But like so many creatives, the recognition didn’t come quickly.

For years, Erica was living creatively without fully seeing herself that way.

Through travel, writing, yoga, and observing the world, something deeper began to surface… and ask for attention.

And that’s where things shifted.

Because creativity doesn’t just ask us to make something… it asks us to slow down.

To sit with ourselves long enough to hear our own voice.  To face the discomfort of creating from within, instead of reaching outward.

Erica reflects on how solitude became a turning point… a space where her creative perspective began to change. Not just expression… but becoming.

And at the center of it all is vulnerability.

Not the polished kind… but the honest kind.
The kind that asks you to share what’s still forming.
To trust the process before the outcome exists.

This is a conversation about identity… belonging… and the quiet courage it takes to create from a place that’s real.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re truly a creative…
or what it means to trust your own voice…

You may hear yourself in this one.

Erica's Profile
Erica's Website

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Transcript

Vulnerability As The Doorway

SPEAKER_00 0:34

You need to be willing to be vulnerable and to show parts of yourself that might be unfinished or unpolished to the people that you, you know, are most trusting of in your life.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Hello, hello, hello. It's Maddox and Dwight, the Community and Connections guys with For the Love of Creatives podcast. You know, some days I have a hard time spitting that out, and I don't know why. Um today our guest is the one and only Erica Aliby. Welcome, Erica.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

You know, I we have a little bit of history with Erica. We met Erica probably maybe uh over a year ago, and oh, probably a year and a half ago, maybe, in Creative Mornings. And we have been in multiple social settings together since then, whether it's a Creative Mornings or something we've hosted, or um Erica's even been into our home for some social time at least once.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

And so we we have a little bit of history, but I was as I was thinking about this episode this morning, I was thinking, you know, I I know her personality, I know her sense of humor, I know how she just bursts into laughter spontaneously. But I thought, you know, I really don't know very much about your creative journey. And so I've been really excited today to take, you know, take our relationship to the next level and learn a little bit more about, you know, what interests us all so much, which is that whole creative thing. So why don't you take the mic for a minute and tell our listeners um who you are and you know, a brief overview of who you are and what you're about in your own words.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I'd love to. Um wow, where to begin. Uh well, I am actually a New England native. I grew up in Connecticut. Um, and I feel like from when I was a kid, I always just knew that I was never gonna stay there. Um, I've always had a really close relationship with my family and felt a ton of support from them in any direction that I wanted. But I just always kind of felt a little bit like, you know, this lone wolf in a way growing up. And uh, you know, even till now, the more I reflect on my tens of journals that I have filled out over the course of my life, I'm like, maybe I always have been a little bit more of a lone wolf than I than I've ever looked at myself in in that way. Um, especially with being so outgoing um and you know, trying to to push for connection anywhere that I go. So I always joke that I've been moving, um, moving progressively more south ever since. Um I went to school in North Carolina and I studied journalism there. So that was really um writing has been my you know core form of artistic expression, um, even if just for processing. Uh so I studied journalism and then after school, I ended up um, you know, was literally hit the pavement, was trying to get a job in a magazine. Um, and it was just it was cutthroat out there. And I ended up coming down to visit a friend in Dallas, and she had an extra bedroom. She was like, why don't you move to Texas? And I'm like, I don't know about Texas, uh, especially as a Yankee. So um I came down and everything just kind of felt like it was easy here, like from the jump. Um, and I ended up having a very casual conversation with uh, you know, with a guy who lived in the same apartment complex as my friend. And I told him that I was, you know, looking for jobs and studied journalism. And he pretty much said, Well, do you know how to do marketing? And I said, I can figure it out. And that was what ended up being my jump start um of my career into more content marketing, and ultimately, you know, his has built out from there. But um yeah, so it just feels like it's kind of been like this series of events ever since with my life in Texas that has been like a really beautiful evolution.

A Career Pivot Into Marketing

SPEAKER_02 5:42

So you said you got here and everything just seemed easy. Now, of course, you explained, you know, meeting the guy in the apartment complex, getting a job, but was it more than that? I mean, I'd love to just hear a little bit about what made it easy, what was easy and what made it that way. Because, you know, I've been a Texan all my life, so I don't know what it would be like to come from Connecticut, you know, being a Yankee in land where we all talk like this.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, yeah. I know I quite I quite literally thought that I would come here and that there would be tumbleweed blowing down the street.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

And and everybody would have on cowboy boots and cowboys.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I'm like, where are the horses? Um so I'll never forget it was like the second day that I was here visiting and still just kind of feeling things out. And we went to the grocery store, and I'm walking down the cereal aisle. And you know, there's so many cereals these days. So I'm looking, what cereal am I in the mood for? And someone standing next to me just started chit-chatting, like they were like, Oh, I tried this cereal, you know, last time it was really good. And I turned and I was like, Whoa, I can just like start having a real conversation with a stranger and they're not acting weird because usually I'm the one starting the conversation. And for me, I think maybe with you know New England, that was probably why I fell out of place for so many years. Cause I'm happy to talk to strangers.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

What kind of dust of your own medicine that this happened?

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Yeah, you've come home. How wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Truly, and it seems so you know, like silly and simple, but I think sorry about my dog. Well, wait.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

We can't hear it. You can't, not now.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

She's coming closer.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

It's all right.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Okay. Well, she's here with us. Um I enough. Enough. I'm so sorry. Can you hear her?

SPEAKER_01 8:14

We can't hear anything.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Wow, I'm just gonna keep going then. Perfect. Uh just like just like me being chatty, she is too. Um yeah, it just it just genuinely felt like a place that suddenly I could like coexist, and it was very natural.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

You uh I mean, you know, the the way I tend to word that is, oh my god, I I found my people.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Totally, totally.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Like I I thought, you know, I was a Connecticut, or have you pronounced say that come to find out, you know, you're you're you're a Texan. You may not be uh what do they call it when you're when you were born here? Native, yeah, native. There, there we go. Thank you. You got here as fast as you could.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I know, and that has like that has always resonated with me. All the stereotypes about Texas. I I'm like, I get it now.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Yeah, well, yeah, it's funny you should say that. There are lots of stereotypes about Texas. Maddox and I enjoyed a movie uh a couple of years ago called Vengeance that hit on all the stereotypes, one of them being Dallas isn't really Texas. And I think another one that did a fairly good sampling was Bernie. Oh my gosh, Bernie, where they carve out all the different regions of the state and how they all have their own personality. Have you seen either of those?

SPEAKER_00 9:45

I haven't, but now they're immediately on my list. And now that I've been here for you know over a decade, I feel like it'll resonate even deeper.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

So yeah, there's there's definitely its own version of we we talk about Americana. Well, there are certain things that you just know are are Texas, like there's a certain aspect of culture that is Whataburger. And if you're not from Texas, it yeah, people have no idea.

Finding Your People In Texas

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Yeah, totally that is true. So let's move into the creative part of the conversation, but I want to link it to what we're just talking about because suddenly finding your people, realizing that you're a Texan in heart, at heart, uh what role did that play in your creative life and your journey?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

I feel like, you know, it's such I've I've kind of been reflecting back on the period of life that is your 20s, right? And it's very complicated, it's very dynamic, it's um very scary. Um and you know, I've been transcribing old journals from different periods of my life too. So really um reliving those emotions firsthand has been um alarming to say the least. Um but I think that that was just like an interesting period of my life because I felt like I was really able to step out and start to just like experiment and play and put myself out there in a way that I had previously, you know, maybe um hold myself off and you know, would be doing the writing and doing the sharing and things like that, but not necessarily um looking at it beyond just something that I do as a processing tool. But honestly, I I don't think that I really, really, really started looking at myself as a creative um until like the last few years because I think that the way that corporate the corporate structure to me feel can feel very um restrictive and very limiting. And so I think it was an interesting phase of my life where yes, I was surrounded by these people that were giving me a lot of life in a lot of different ways, but I also was so young and worried in terms of like stepping outside of my comfort zone and in this corporate setting that just felt very cookie-cutter in a way. So I think that um the my beginning years in Texas was like definitely just like the they were the learning years. That's what I'm calling them now.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

And then apprenticeship.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Yeah.

Corporate Life And Creative Identity

SPEAKER_02 13:21

That that surprises me in a way because of course I I've only known you for about a year and a half, but um you seem so well. I mean, I could say confident, I could say bold, and those are all good words, but I have a little necklace here with a ring that has a word stamped on it, and the word is audacity, and and you strike me as being very audacious, like not afraid to break the rules, not afraid to say whatever is on your mind, even if it ruffles feathers. You seem like a uh swim against the stream person, not doing things the hard way, swimming against the stream, but certainly not doing, you know, the the people that well, this is the way we do it, this is the way we've always done it, and this is the way we're gonna do it. You seem like the opposite of that to me. And I just I see you as somebody that kind of lives outside of your comfort zone.

Travel, Inspiration, And Avoidance

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Uh, I really appreciate that. Um, and I definitely I feel comfortable outside of my comfort zone. Um and I think that I think for me during those learning years, so much of how I was expending my energy was through travel. And so I have, you know, prioritized travel for so much of my life. And it was so beautiful because I was collecting all of this information and seeing all of these different cultures and communities and places that were um, you know, filling the artists well. And I had so much inspiration and so much of a willingness to, you know, be out of my comfort zone. But I I think that for so long, because I was traveling like that, that was my excitement. And then I would come home and I would feel, you know, I would feel tired, or that that was my time to just kind of like recalibrate and then plan for the next thing. And so I think what's been really interesting for me as I've gotten older is recognizing that I really need to slow down in order to give my art the attention and time that it needs. And I've also felt I've learned that I just feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm bored, as we all do. Um, and so anytime I would feel bored, I would come up with some exciting plan, someone to meet up with, some trip to focus on. And that was all good and well and super necessary for, you know, my path. But all of a sudden I was like, whoa, are you running away from these projects that you know live within you, but you're, you know, to is there a fear that's there in terms of just sitting down and being okay with um, you know, like looking inward and seeing what I'm capable of just from my mind, not from my adventures?

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Well, you mentioned earlier going through the process of transcribing your journals. Are you what is it like having the distance, the perspective, more life than the person who is writing those?

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yeah. Um oh my gosh, it's been I have it's been so crazy because I've had to try and harness this compassion inside of myself for like another version of who I am that I know still lives inside of me. Um, but it's it's hard because when I'm reading it, I'm like back in that time, you know, and so I can step away from it later and be able to try and look through those experiences through a different lens and to say, you know, like to bring that compassion in and say, okay, you were dealing with things exactly how you needed to deal with them at the time, and you were doing the best that you could, but you were still a kid, you know, and um finding that compassion, it can be really difficult because like all of a sudden you're feeling totally overwhelmed with these old emotions that like most people, you know, aren't capable of tapping into because they don't have this transcription of like their deepest, darkest thoughts. And so everything is just kind of a memory to them. Whereas this experience of reading my own words, it brings me back, like it's truly a portal to past versions of myself.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

It was like reliving it, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah, and it's like uh it's um it's a very jarring experience for sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

I I have two things I want to to speak to. One, uh, ask you if you would be interested in a simple reframe. You said something that caught my ear, and that is, you know, I'm reading this and and I'm realizing that that this is this is who part of who I am. It that's still in there. And the reframe that I want to suggest is yes, it will always be in there, but that doesn't mean uh it's who you are, it can be in there and it can be who you were, who you used to be, and that changes things, don't you think?

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Yeah, definitely. Um, and I I love the perspective, and I try, I totally try to come back to that. Um it's just like it's kind of like watching a movie, and you're like suddenly you're the character.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Yes, yes. But there's also this element of you have an opportunity to with like insane clarity, see how far you've come. Yeah, yeah, and then celebrate that. Don't focus on where you were back then, focus on where you are now and how far you've come.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Totally.

Old Journals And New Compassion

SPEAKER_02 20:23

The other thing I want to speak to is you talked about boredom, and I got a lot to say about that. I'm not gonna do a diatribe, but we all experience boredom in our lives. Hopefully. Most of us, most of us don't really know what it is. You know, I experienced it for many, many years, and probably somewhere in my 40s, I was in a relationship with somebody that actually kind of drove me crazy. I, you know, I look back and don't know why I was in that relationship. I was in a relationship with this person for three years, and he made me crazy about 80% of the time. We did not live together, thank God, you know, and I just I would need breaks from him, and I would just send him away. I would say, I need I need time for me. I just need some me time. And what was really going on was I just needed time away from him. But in those times when I would send him away and I would be by myself, it it forced me to be with me in a manner that I had never been with me. And when I started spending really quality time with me and got comfortable just being with me, boredom left my experience never to return. Like I don't ever experience boredom. Ever. And I think boredom is if we're gonna maybe this isn't true for a hundred percent of the population, but my guess would be if people were really willing to go and look, they would find that the energy behind boredom is a discomfort with being with self. And everything changes when we can suddenly be with self. When we can be with self, it makes it easier to be with others.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Yeah. No, this is hitting deep.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

How does that land?

Boredom And Being With Self

SPEAKER_00 22:34

I I it's really interesting because um I can see that. I've also always looked at myself as a very confident person, um, and very self-loving in a lot of ways. Um and so I think that that has that has always been a theme through my life, um, and being willing to, you know, do what I'm gonna do no matter what. Um, not wait a not wait around for anyone else, not needing to have that validation. But at the same time, I definitely was just surrounded by so much external energy for so long that I agree I never really gave myself like the time that I needed to be alone. And that val, it's just such valuable, valuable time to reflect and to just actually check in with yourself and know like what feels right to me, what is my heart telling me right now? And when you have all the noise and all of the distractions, it's so easy to latch on to these external forces, right? And have that be your guiding light. And the more and more that I've spent time alone, the more and more I am addicted to it. Um I love my I love my alone time. Um and yeah, I think it was, I think it was in my alone time that that was truly when I started to, you know, think about things totally differently from at least a creative standpoint and um, you know, an authenticity standpoint as well.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

It's all it's all interwoven together. You know, there there is a distinction between healthy solitude, which is spending time with you, and unhealthy isolation, which is just friggin' being alone.

unknown 24:44

Of course.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

There's a big difference. And we get to choose which one we want it to be. I love that you tied this into your creativity. This this ability to be with you and be comfortable enhanced your ability to do your creative endeavors. I I know for me when I'm painting, that is like maybe the ultimate in time with me. Because all of the worries and all the cares go away, all of the to-do's lists and calendars and everything goes away. And it's just me in the paint. And and it's it has a depth to I've never really thought of it quite like that. That I always think, you know, it's so it's like meditation when I'm painting, because it's you're just in the moment. But I don't think I ever thought until right now about how, and and I would love to know your take on this, how it is completely perhaps one of the deepest elements of relationship with self is when you're creating.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Um and it doesn't matter whether you're dancing, you're singing, or writing, it doesn't matter what the creativity is. It's about doing something that makes your heart sing.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

I think that expression is the most important thing, the most important experience as humans. And what, you know, in in whatever regard that that expression comes, whether it's using your voice to communicate effectively or create, you know, create something that is is coming from who knows where, the creative force, um, or fashion and choosing to wear something splashy and not being afraid of how that's going to be perceived because you're allowing that to be, you know, this extension of who you are. To me, expression is the most valuable space that we can allow ourselves to be in. And, you know, of course, there's group opportunities for expression, but I think that there's also a certain strength and a certain, maybe even like I've been thinking a lot about um the ego and like a shrinking of the ego in a way when you're in the flow state, because you're just allowing it to happen. You know what I mean? Like there's yes, you can step back and you can be in more of that like critical mindset, but in so many ways to me, when you're just allowing something to happen organically, you learn so much more because you're taking your you're taking your thoughts out of the equation and just doing.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

Well, and and what you just said about expression connected a dot for me, some dots that I hadn't connected before. You know, I always we we have a lot of conversation about being seen and being heard. And that's what this podcast, we launched this podcast to give a platform to creatives so they could be seen and heard. And I just realized that the means of that being seen and heard is the result of the expression that you're talking about. I just put those two together in a manner that hadn't they hadn't been married before, and they're now they they're happily married. You may kiss the bride. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yeah, I've I've been thinking a lot about expression. Um and just like the act of it, you know, it doesn't matter what you're creating to me, it doesn't matter what it looks like. Um, but if you're being bold enough to express yourself, no matter what the results look like, there's just so much richness that can come from that.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

That's right. And as long as you're willing to be bold and allow uh allow your own unique take on things to take shape, you know, uh there's there's a point at which we all experiment and try something for the first time. And sometimes we have the misfortune of having it be too early, or sometimes we have the misfortune of having it be an underdeveloped skill. But the only way that we can master something is to be okay with being bad at it first and not caring about what we might get from the hecklers in the peanut gallery as we go on that journey.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Totally. Have you guys uh heard of the concept of beginner's mind?

SPEAKER_01 29:59

Yes.

Creativity As Expression And Flow

SPEAKER_00 30:00

Beginner's mind is kind of like how I try to operate my life. And once I kind of was able to pinpoint that as a concept, it's like you allow so much more freedom because beginner's mind is just operating from a place of childlike wonder and play, and not doing it to uh to be an expert at anything. It's just doing it to try. And that has relieved so much pressure from any act of creating any, you know, from trying anything. I'm just so much more willing because the pressure has floated away. Who cares? Who cares what comes of this?

SPEAKER_01 30:52

So I'm I'm going to to uh date myself for the audience. Actually, no, it it predates me. But I think that you you really resonate with living your life in a way that is modeled by the character Auntie Main. And it doesn't matter if we're talking about the the one cast by cast as uh um Lucille Ball or Rosalind Russell or any of the the fabulous uh stage um adaptations that that you can see. Um she uh she's famous for having a line of uh saying that it's important for you to live, live, live. And she was not afraid to try things that were outrageous and do things way outside her comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Thank you. I take that as a huge compliment.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

You know, I'm I'm familiar with the beginner's mind concept, but thank you so much for you know reminding me of it because I have for weeks on end now, instead of you know, painting like trying to make art, I I sit at my station and I just explore and experiment. You know, and it's kind of like I'm not creating anything. Like yesterday, I took all these different pieces of paper with different mediums and stuff on them to say, well, wonder what happens when I collage this, and what happens if I spray it and it's wet first, or I collage it dry, or and I was just experimenting with all these different things, and I've and I realize I've been doing a lot of this for weeks on end now. So there's not any production of anything to really see or show anybody, and I've been feeling like I'm stuck and I'm not creating art. And in that moment, you know, when I I kind of thought about the beginner's mind, I realized I've just been sitting at the table playing, and there's no real creation involved. It's it's not creation, it's exploration. Yeah. And just that there's a there's a shift in energy and just realizing that it has its place. You know, it's like playing in the finger paints. I'm just seeing, I'm asking the question every day, many times a day, wonder what would happen if. And then, you know, I'll Google, I'll say, what I what will happen if I do this? And it'll say, What will happen, and then I'll go do it to see.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Yeah, I I think with the the concept of exploration and the concept of play to me and like your inner child and allowing allowing just that expression has kind of all come to the forefront over the last few years and you know, trying to look back at kind of what I've the groundwork that I've been laying and how these things can come together. And in so many ways, you know, when you're younger, you just can't see how the pieces come together. And then suddenly I just kind of had this, you know, brain blast moment where I'm like, all that I really care about through my, you know, through my writing is pushing people to allow themselves to play. And I feel like such a huge source of our pain is coming from the fact that we're all trying to pretend to be grown-ups and not allowing ourselves just that that same freedom, that beginner's mind mentality of when you're a kid, and you're not putting such a heavy weight on yourself to perform.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

It's funny. Uh, Jace Jarvis has said that play is the most serious work we can do.

SPEAKER_02 35:13

Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing. I've got a bracelet on my arm with a little, and it's stamped with the word play, and it has stars on either side.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Oh my goodness, we're hitting everything.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

No, uh, it's just I I this is two things that we've now talked about that have kind of opened me up. I'm I'm feeling like I'm walking away with a gift today.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Um, tell us about the wild child workshop.

Why Play Is Serious Work

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Yeah, so that's essentially the cultivation kind of and continued evolution of this line, this exact line of thinking. Um so I'll never forget I came up with the with the name, you know, before even the concept had fully come together. But I was just like, this is exactly me. Like the essence of life is playing in the is playing in the workshop and seeing what comes from it. And even as a kid, you know, my dad's workshop, like there's no uh there's no better smell to me than the smell of my dad's workshop. Like just it's like kind of musty, the like wood cuttings, all of that. And it just like represents this opportunity to just like see what pieces you can put together and what you can build. And so um that was it, it made perfect sense for me to name to give that name to my substock, the wild child workshop. And that's where I do a lot of my writing and exploring, you know, just different tools for human flourishing. And it can be anything from you know, meditation and mindfulness, which has been such an asset in my life, um, to creative expression, uh, to spending time with other people and like the importance of that, you know, people inspiring you can fill your own well. Uh, and so I think that that's how it ties in with my writing, but even more recently, I have recognized that there was an opportunity for growth there. Um, and I'm starting to host actual, you know, creativity workshops as well. And, you know, facilitating the opportunity to, you know, bring together people. We obviously all have the same mission here. We all align this way, but you know, creating this sense of human connection, connection to yourself, allowing yourself to play and to learn and to just grow. Um and I've recognized all of you know, all of a sudden, all those pieces that I've been practicing and playing with in my own life are all perfect ways for other people to have the opportunity to experience um creativity through a lens in which they maybe had never looked at it through before. Um and I also just got yoga, uh yoga teacher certified in December. And I think that like that has only further latched on to this idea of workshops because I think movement is so critically important as well. And so it's tying, you know, gives me this ability to tie together movement and mindfulness and creativity into one space, which I think that they all belong in the same space. And before it felt so fragmented, and suddenly I recognize through the Wild Child workshop the opportunities that I feel like lie before me in a way that I just I wasn't able to see the full picture before. So it's been a really liberating and beautiful unfolding.

Building The Wild Child Workshop

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Yeah. So if I play that back, the the work that you've done with the inner exploration and with your writing and the wild child workshop and what you've gone through with the yoga teacher training and the the certification has brought you closer to alignment, more of that authenticity through truly allowing to unfold what was there, but maybe not as accessible before.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Yeah, definitely. It opened up, um, it feels like it opened up this door that I just didn't even realize was there. And suddenly it's so obvious. Uh, but you know, you're not ready, you're not ready to open the door until you're ready to open it.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Until you're ready to open the door, that's right. And Dwight, you took the word right out of my mouth. I was gonna say, when I saw your email address, and you know the the Wild Child workshop. I my first thought was, oh my god, that's so in alignment with who she is. Like it just fit you like a glove.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Yeah, it definitely feels right.

SPEAKER_02 40:35

You have a little rebel in you, and I think that's gives you an edge, a really good edge.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

Not a bad rebel, not you know, not not a I I take it as I take it as a compliment.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

Trust me, I have a lot of plights with what's going on around here, and I recognize that adding anger and hostility is not gonna be the solution. So it's weird when you can feel rebellious by being positive and loving. And I think that um that's been like such a beautiful realization.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

It's more of that auntie mame energy.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

Yes. When you think about the word rebel, it really is about swinging against the stream. You're doing something different than what the masses are doing. And right now, the masses are all being hateful on social media.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Oh, hate comes easy. You know, it's one of the things that you you can do to weaponize the negativity bias, which is you know the reason for the survival of our species, is always be a troll. Always come down as a naysayer, because even if things turn out turn out great, people will remember you were right if things weren't so good. And if things turn out rosy, you've lost nothing. So it's an easy way out.

Yoga Training And Integration

SPEAKER_00 41:57

I feel like uh I had I feel like there is this connotation around being positive that um people often jump to the jump to the assumption that you're naive and uh you know you're not educated on everything bad going on in the world. How could you possibly be positive right now? You must be dumb. And I think for a really long time, subconsciously, maybe I was afraid to allow that the that full light and that to lean into that positivity and love in that regard, because I was worried that I would come across as naive, you know, rose-colored glasses. And then suddenly I realized that that's the secret to life. And if some if someone wants to look at me as naive, then that's fine. But you're missing out on the glow, baby.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

Yes, you're then you're in good company. So as you say that, I reflect on a quote that uh the um from Reverend Theodore Parker that uh Martin Luther King shortened. We all remember it as the um, oh my gosh, the arc of of human history is long, but it bends toward justice. And that's that's all about keeping your eye on the horizon and and knowing that uh I I can't remember which film I I saw this in, but it's kind of an another callback to it. It's always going to be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, it's not the end.

SPEAKER_02 43:46

You know, I I think too, yeah, I've heard it called uh toxic positivity. And I think that there's a real distinction there in that it it's it is a candy coating of everything because we're people do that because they're so uncomfortable with things in the world that aren't um good perceived as good. And so they candy coat everything to comfort themselves and make themselves feel better when things don't always look the way they want to look. And you don't, that's not you, even a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

Well, and and to be fair. I I think that we should call out toxic positivity for what it is. Having been a a victim of said toxic positivity, there was a time when I was going through a really dark period in grief. And grief is a funny thing because people don't know what to do. And sometimes the best that they they have is to uh try to lift your mood by showing up in a way that is uh as positive as they they would hope to influence you to be when really what you might need is for someone to just sit in it with you for a while.

Positivity, Rebellion, And Reality

SPEAKER_00 45:03

Totally. And I think it's you know that's an interesting thing to think about also as you know, someone who can be really empathetic as well, because I think that in the past, maybe it it can feel easier to jump into positivity when you're feeling negative energy around you because it's clinging to you, right? So in some ways, I would say, you know, as I was growing up, it would be my jump to positivity because I was feeling so weighed down by you know, whatever the people around me, if people were hurting, I didn't want them to be hurting, but I was also hurting. And so, you know, I think that it's it's probably natural for for some people to jump into that mindset, but then you know, in time I've recognized that one it's not about you, right? And so, yes, if I'm feeling this sort of sort of energy right now that I can't handle or this is too this is too heavy for me, one to be able to recognize, hey, how much can I give right now that is like healthy for me and healthy for this person, but also being able to remove myself from that equation has allowed me to feel okay with just being with someone and knowing that it's not about what I'm saying to them, it's just about that love. And I think that that realization actually came for me through grief as well. Um, one of my best friends um passed from breast cancer a few years ago. And I had never experienced that sort of loss before. And I learned so much through that experience, and I feel like I was able to relate to people on a different level because I I it had never been something personal to me. And then I experienced grief through my own lens and my own journey and recognized that everyone else was going through that experience the way that they needed to, and all that I needed was someone that was there to say, I love you, and I'm so sorry this happened, but like I'm here and you know, to maybe make a joke. I love when people feel comfortable enough to make a joke or to, you know, be a little to throw something self-deprecating in there, be honest, because you know, people people just feel like they need to uh fix you, can yeah, can in and help help can feel in control, you know.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Yeah, I was a fixer for a very long time, so I I know what it looks smelling like probably same.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

Well, I'm I'm sorry that you walked through that and I um but I I also am glad that it sounds like that you had the growth that came from moving through that experience.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, obviously, obviously, loss is you know so complex and devastating. Um and I think maybe this brings it back to the you know positivity and loving angle. For me, I think that I just was able to look at the experience through the lens of being able to relate and have compassion for people going through an experience like that on such a deeper level. And for that, like I am so shout out Abigail. She has made me so much more in touch with you know, like with the darker sides of myself as well. So it's just this whole balancing act, um, but also looking at even the worst experiences through the lens of of growth.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. So in our remaining time, remaining time, I want to take us into the conversation about becoming. And you have set the stage for this because you talked about transcribing your young, youthful journals and really, really getting to walk down memory lane real time and see where you were then and be able to look at how far you've come and where you are now. So, my my question is from that vantage point, which is just a perfect setup, to go from that young girl who wrote those journals to the woman that you are today, who did you have to become? Those things that you had to adopt in here, not who did what did you have to do? It's all about what had to change in either your mind, your heart, your body, both, D, all of the above.

SPEAKER_00 50:41

Oh, so many things.

SPEAKER_02 50:43

I mean, sometimes it can be about releasing something, sometimes it can be about embracing something. Yeah, and then I'll shut up and let you go.

Grief, Presence, And No Fixing

SPEAKER_00 50:51

Yeah. Uh so I am the victim of eldest daughter syndrome. And I always felt like I needed to be the strong one. And, you know, in that it was also figuring things out in my own mind before I felt comfortable even speaking about anything, feeling confident in what I was saying out loud, knowing that like this is my decision. And I think that a huge part of becoming was also recognizing that you need to be willing to be vulnerable and to show parts of yourself that might be unfinished or unpolished to the people that you, you know, are most trusting of in your life. And maybe sometimes, you know, for me, that showed certain people that maybe weren't meant to be in my life because I was recognizing bonds with other people that made me walk away feeling so seen and just like loved and respected. And other people, I was recognizing that actually I'm trying to put myself out there and there's not a willingness to receive. And maybe I was always the strong one, and I was always the one that was there to, you know, support them, and that support had been missing. And so I think that taking the conscious step to allow myself to be more open um with the people around me and seeing what happens and being willing to also face the times that maybe, you know, it wasn't exactly as I hoped, but it showed me true character along the way. And I had to grow from that um was huge. And I mean, you said coming from inside, and of course that is, but I have to shout out my husband. Um, he has been just like a transformational person that has entered my life that has just allowed me to feel like I can be anything, I can be whoever. And no matter what version of myself that comes forward, that that is going to be received with love, um, has just been the greatest gift of my life.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

You know, as you say those words, I'm an empath. I can feel that. I can feel the emotion coursing through you right now. I mean, I can I can see it, I can smell it, I can taste it. Wow. I gotta tell you, your answer, right? You you have just won the answer of the year award. You know, I I want our listeners to know she did not know I was going to ask her this question. This was not a curated answer. She pulled that right out of her hat or wherever we pull things out of. And and that answer was just wow. Like, I okay, if you're listening right now, punch the re the the the back button. I think it'll take you back 30 seconds. But yes, and listen to that again because that was gold. Thank you. That was gold. So now we're gonna move into the future and then we're gonna wrap.

SPEAKER_00 54:36

All right.

Becoming Through Vulnerability

SPEAKER_02 54:38

You know who you had to become to get where you are now. And we've all heard the saying, what got you here won't get you there. So the next steps, leaning into these workshops and bringing something that is of such importance and and value to you, and you're talking legacy stuff here. Who will you need to become? Once again, on the inside, and this is a big question. So maybe it's just looking at what you need to let go of, or maybe it needs to look at what you need to embrace because coming up with a full-blown I need to become that's a lot. That's asking a lot on the spot. But I'm gonna let you, I'm gonna let you do what works for you. But whatever you've got, I I just I'm I'm excited to hear it, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Uh let's see. Right now, I am really working on trust. And I think that for so long, uh, I was under the impression that the more you control, the more that things are going to go according to plan.

SPEAKER_02 55:52

And yeah, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Trust Over Control Going Forward

SPEAKER_00 55:55

I know, and it's it's all an illusion anyway, right? Control is an illusion. And but most people most people never learn that or they're never even aware of the fact that they're trying to control out of fear, right? And so I think that those are the two things that go hand in hand for who I'm trying to become. It's recognizing that fear is extremely natural. And especially when it's doing something that means something to you, you're gonna feel fear, right? Um, but it's because you care and you want it to go well, right? But then it's taking the step back and being able to say, you know what? I'm relinquishing control here. I'm trusting that I have the skills that are required for this. I'm trusting that, you know, the people around me are going to be able to recognize that I'm a human being. So even if things don't go perfectly according to plan, that they are going to see the intention there. And it's also pulling yourself out of the equation, especially for me with yoga, it's been like the most transformative perspective shift because I've recognized when you're teaching yoga, it's none of it's about you. You're just simply trying to create an energy and an environment that allows people to feel like they can relax, that they can just be. And so, you know, there's that fear of how it's gonna come off. It's there's that backing off and trusting that everything's going to work out the way that it needs to. And also it's just pulling your ego out of the equation and being able to look at the higher level of what why are you actually doing the thing that you're doing? And taking that time to reflect on your intention, I think is so critical because that's when you can give yourself more freedom to just be, because you know that even if it wasn't perfect, that you were operating from a place of you know, alignment and dedication to that higher message.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

Your answer once again is epic, you know, and I love that you broke it down. You said trusting myself, trusting those that are I'm working with and around me. You didn't say the words, but you kind of kind of intimated uh trusting the universe, you know, the process. Totally. And wow, wow, wow, what an amazing answer. So be sure you write that down, Miss Journaling. When we get off, be sure you write that down because that's really good stuff. Thank you. Erica, this has been amazing.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

I've loved it.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

Yeah, it's been a gift.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

You guys are you guys are always so great at um at guiding. And even, you know, back when I was sitting in your living room with you guys, and I I journaled the next day and my morning pages about like the conversations that we had surrounding creativity and surrounding honesty. And I'll I'll never forget. I asked, I I was telling you guys about, you know, what I enjoy writing about and how much I need to incorporate myself into the story. I was really kind of struggling with that, how much I need to be a part of it. Um, and you were like, you need to, you you need to surrender and you need to be a part of all of it. I'm like, what? That's horrifying.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

That's the point.

Final Reflections And Goodbye

SPEAKER_02 59:56

That's the point. It's about putting yourself out there, you know, and that's the way we reach people. Artists that create fabulous art but don't ever put themselves out there will not be as successful as they could be if they put themselves out there and put their art out there. It takes you have to do it all.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

Yeah, you you can't just be a a spec artist because yeah, if you are, then you know you're you're setting yourself up to be replaced by a robot.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

Totally. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

Thank you for spending this time with us today. This has been nothing short of amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Oh my gosh, it was such a pleasure.