The People Around You Shape The Life You Build

Episode: The People Around You Shape the Life You Build

The people we surround ourselves with have more influence over our lives than we often realise.

In this episode of The Quiet Reset, I reflect on the friendships, relationships and communities that have shaped the person I’m becoming and why choosing to spend time with people who encourage, inspire and support you is one of the greatest investments you can make.

I share some very personal stories about the incredible people in my life who make me a better mum, a better business owner and, most importantly, a better person. From lifelong friendships and motherhood to finding a community that celebrates each other’s successes, this episode is a reminder that our environment isn’t just the home we live in it’s the people we invite into our lives.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why your environment is more than just your home
• The friendships that have shaped who I am
• How the right people can make you a better parent
• Why encouragement is one of life’s greatest gifts
• Building a home filled with warmth, laughter and kindness
• Learning to let go of relationships that no longer serve you
• Becoming the kind of person you’d want to be surrounded by

If you’ve ever stopped to think about who you’re becoming—and who’s helping you become that person—I hope this conversation leaves you feeling inspired to nurture the relationships that bring out the very best in you.

🎙️ Listen now to The Quiet Reset on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

If you enjoy the episode, I’d be so grateful if you could follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who always makes you feel like the best version of yourself.

✨ Connect with me

🌿 Website: www.thesecretmumclub.com
📧 Email: kerry@thesecretmumclub.com
📱 Instagram: @thesecretmumclub

The Quiet Reset is created by The Secret Mum Club.

You can find more gentle guidance and resources at www.thesecretmumclub.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Carrie Hart and I'm from the Secret Mum Club, a professional organizing company built on understanding, judgment-free support, and real help. I'm that extra pair of hands you've always wished you had. And this podcast is here to help your life feel lighter, calmer, and more manageable. One honest conversation at a time.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Hello and welcome back to the quiet reset. How bloody hot is it? Now I know I'm English and I know I love talking about the weather, whether it's too hot, too cold, too foggy, but oh my god, it is roasting in my house and it is only nine o'clock. But I'm gonna embrace it. I've got our little paddling pool up. I say little paddling pool, it's one of those ones you get into, like, and it's just above your waist, so it's perfectly deep for the kids, but not quite a swimming pool enough that it takes five days to fill, although it does take a few hours, and so I will definitely be in that later, especially before the kids get in it and there's loads of grass and whatnot in there. Anyway, I hope you're all staying nice and cool and nice and safe in the sun. And uh, let's get on to today's episode, which is all about drum roll, please. The people around you shape the life that you build. And how true is that? They say that you are the average of the five people that you spend the most amount of time with. And while I was prepping for this podcast, I was talking to my husband about it, and I said, Who are the five people that I spend the most amount of time with? Now, I think that you can kind of take your children out of that equation because they end up being more like you rather than you like them, especially when they're little. Um, so really we excluded my husband from that, and obviously he's one of the top five people. But if I look at the top five people in my life right now, at this precise moment in time, it has definitely changed over the years of who has been in my circle and who is currently in my circle, and I think sometimes we think that when we leave people behind, or people decide that they don't want to spend so much time with you, that it's a bad thing, and I think we need to look at it as a good thing. And I read this thing on Instagram, it was brilliant. It was this woman, and she was saying that her and her friend had been super close for years, and um, they're just kind of grown apart from each other, and so for them growing apart from each other was making her sad. And someone told her this analogy about you've got to think of life as a train, and people get on and get off a different part of their journey, and so they might get on later on down that line, but at that point in time, they're not there, and that's okay. I do also believe that that void gets full. So if you look at it as though I've got a full-time job, and then all of a sudden you've got no job, and you're like, What am I gonna do with all my time? You don't just sit there thinking, I'm bored, I don't know what to do. You feel your time, and then very quickly you get through your entire day thinking, How did it how did I manage to feel that? How did I manage to make myself so busy when before I used to be able to do this in a matter of hours? So it's the same kind of thing as the train. I hope that makes any kind of sense what I'm trying to say there. So today I really want to explore something that I've been reflecting on a lot recently, and that's what happens when the people around you encourage you to grow, and then what happens when they don't. Now, at the moment I'm going through something with a family member, and we have had a falling out, and it's been months, and it's really hard, and it's very pressing on me, and I've tried to sort it, and it's not going anywhere. We are just banging heads, and I've understood how she felt, she can't understand how I feel, and we're at loggerheads. And this is someone that I used to speak to every single day, someone that knows the ins and outs of everything in my life, someone that I trust with my life and my children and everything, and to me, that loyalty has been broken, and so this was a huge void for me. It was a huge void for how am I going to function without this person? I feel like I've been in a kind of grieving situation since we've just been really, really hard, and not through lack of me trying, um, but it's not something that I can move on from at this precise moment in time, and I have very much tried, but sometimes people need to be held accountable for their actions, and it can't just be forgotten. So at the moment, I've got that void. I said at the moment, I think at the time I had that void, and I was like, I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna function, like as I've just said, but you know what? I filled that void, and do you know who I filled that void with? The most incredibly inspiring people, and that is the rising tide. Honestly, it is literally saved me. Being in a room full of women with that high energy levels and that enthusiasm and that drive, and finding people that are so like-minded to you, not only do I always walk away from that group just feeling so energized and happy, I also come away with 500 million things and ideas of things that I can be doing to improve my business, and I will forever be grateful. And so, although my family member decided to jump off that train, I actually don't think it's been a bad thing. It's sad because it's family, but that void has been filled by the most incredibly people, incredible people that pick me up and they encourage me to grow, and it's it's just amazing. I know I keep talking about this group, but as I've mentioned before, I used to work in reinsurance and I was surrounded by men, and so I have been surrounded by men for like 25 years, so it's been really nice to see the flip side with the women. So, who makes you feel more like yourself? And I think we've all experienced this. You spend an hour with one person, and you come away feeling so much lighter, more inspired and motivated, more ideas, you feel capable, you feel excited, and then you spend an hour with someone else, and you leave feeling a bit drained, questioning yourself, second guessing everything. Now, the conversation might have looked perfectly normal on the surface, but the feeling afterwards tells you everything you need to know. And one of the question mark questions I always ask myself now is who helps me become more like the person I'm trying to be? Now, I think probably the most important question here is what are you trying to become? Who do you want to be? So, for me, there is someone very special in my life who made me think about all of this, and that is my best friend. Now, if she is listening to this, she is probably cringing because she hates attention, but I want to say anyway, she is genuinely one of the most wonderful people I know. She is so calm when everyone else is overwhelmed. I know she's going to be saying externally, possibly, but internally, I don't, but I think that's rubbish. Uh, she gives the best advice, and not only because she tells me about what I want to hear, but because she tells me what I need to hear, and at exactly the right time. She works so hard, she never judges me, she celebrates other people's success as though they're her own. And every single time that I spend time with her, I leave feeling lighter, more energetic, happier, and I don't question myself ever. I don't leave her feeling like I need to compete or I feel exhausted, I leave feeling inspired, and I think that's one of the greatest gifts someone that can give another person, and she makes me want to become a better version of myself. So that is what made me stop and think, who am I becoming? And because I think it's really important to have an idea of the person that you're trying to grow into, and for me, uh I don't want to be remembered as someone who had the perfect house or someone had the most money or someone that's always busy. I want people to think Kerry was really kind, she was really fun, she made me people feel welcome, and and I really want my house to be the house that everyone wants to come to. You know, where the children bring their friends because it's just warm and happy and they have so much fun, and where people want to stay longer than they planned because they're enjoying themselves and they feel calm here and they feel looked after, where there's so much laughter around the kitchen table, and no one feels judged, and people can just turn up exactly how they are because that's what what I'm trying to build my life like. I just want a life full of light, I want holidays where everyone laughs till their stomach hurts, barbecue with friends, long chats over coffee, games in the garden, music playing in the background, cheat children making memories like the best thing. Listening to my children laughing in the garden playing together is amazing. And I think it's created by the people that we choose to surround ourselves with because happiness is contagious, as is kindness and generosity, but so is negativity, and I've realized that I genuinely love helping people and I love making somebody else's life feel a little bit easier, and I think that's why I do what I do because whether that's organizing someone's home or helping a friend who's having a tough week or celebrating someone's success or simply listening to some something where someone needs to talk, nothing makes me happier than seeing someone else thrive. I don't ever look at someone else's success and think, why them? I think that is brilliant. Tell me everything. And if you speak to any other ladies at this rising tide, you will completely understand what I mean. I am one of the people I'm like, oh my god, your opening premises is so exciting! When do you open? I'm gonna be your first customer. I think they're just amazing, amazing people, and I've got some incredible friends out of it. Um, and I think that encourages me to shine so much brighter too, and that's the kind of people that I want around me. People who clap when someone else wins, and they genuinely celebrate your success. And I hope that I'm that other I'm that for that other person too. I want my children to grow up remembering a home full of laughter more than they remember where the cushions were plumped or the house was perfectly tidy, because at the end of the day, that's what really matters, and the older I get, the more I realise that life isn't about collecting things, it's about collecting people, but the right people. The people who make ordinary Tuesdays feel special, and the ones that celebrate your wins with you, and the ones that sit beside you through the hard times and tell you you were wrong, but never make you feel small. They're the people that I need, and they're the people that I currently have. So maybe today ask yourself two questions who are you becoming, and who do the people around you do they help you become that person? Because the people you spend your time with don't just influence your days, they actually shape your life. And perhaps that's the greatest gift that we can give ourselves is choosing people who bring out the very best in us and then doing everything we can to be that person for someone else. You don't need permission to grow. I spent 20 years working in insurance, and I loved it when I was there. There was so much fun, like with all the people that I worked with, it was such a great crowd. We used to go to drinking, and there are all sorts of stories, but there came to a point where I realised it wasn't the future that I wanted anymore, and that was after I had my daughter, and it didn't work, and it didn't fit, and it's not where I needed to be. I was solely doing it for the money, and I didn't need to, and so I left and I started the Secret Mum Club, and it was one of the scariest decisions I've ever made. I remember going in and getting my domain name and paying for my email, and I thought, and all of that, and I think it was over £300, and I had no money, and I remember thinking I've got to do it because if I don't do it, I'm never gonna do it. So I thought for three years I have linked into this and I'm like, right, that's it, I'm in now, and I have to make it a success. But if I'd listened to the people who focused on the risks, then I probably wouldn't be here now. There's a lot of people that don't want to run their own business because they're worried if it doesn't work, or you know, the pits and falls of it are hard. But the people that have believed in me believe that there is so many possibilities instead of limitations. So, how about being the person you'd want around you? It's easy to think about what we want from other people, but there's another question here. Am I the kind of people who make others feel encouraged? Do people leave conversations with me feeling better than when they arrived? And do I celebrate other people's success? Do I listen? Do I make space? And I think I do. I think I do. I think we're very quick to judge ourselves and to question ourselves all the time. But if we're actually hearing the nice things that people say about you, why are you doing that? I read this thing years ago, and it said, get a little book, every time someone gives you a compliment, write it down just in the back of the book, use it as a normal notebook that you use all the time, and then in the back, write it down. And realise that how you fill in your head is not necessarily how you're coming across. And I had two messages this week, and it was timed just perfectly from two different clients I saw a day apart, and one of them sent me a message, you should be really upset when I went around there, and I'd just give her a big hug. Like it was oh my god, you've never seen someone that needed a hug more. And it was, do you know what? We both in that moment really connected, and it was so nice. And she sent me a message that evening basically saying, Thank you for being there. Like, you're the type of people that I need around me, and it's just incredible. She's usually the most upbeat, energized, enthusiastic person, but this time she wasn't, and she really needed someone to pick her up, and I was so glad that I was the person there. And then um, the next day I saw a client, and she sent me a message saying she'd like to put me in again, and she said that she loves seeing because I said I love seeing her, and she said she loves seeing me too. She said it's always so lovely to speak to her and speak to me because I'm really energetic, and she said, happy and enthusiastic, and so I feel like I'm trying really hard to become this person that I probably already am, but we're very quick to remember something bad that someone says about us, and it goes round and round and round in your head. But what about all the nice things people say about you? What about those? Don't dismiss them, don't let your ego in your head tell you that you're any different to the person that we're all seeing. Because the kind of community that we want often starts with a person that we're willing to become. So I know we've already briefly touched on this, but it's absolutely okay to create some distance. Sometimes we outgrow relationships, that doesn't mean we stop caring about them, it doesn't mean they're bad, and it doesn't mean we're better. It simply means that some relationships belong to one chapter of our lives and others belong to the next. Now, I couldn't agree more. I don't think I'd be in the position I am now unless I'd have had that argument with a family member and we would still be going on. It's not the right time. The universe, I truly believe this, is telling me that however much you push for this, it's not now. If you want your dreams to come true and you want XYZ, this is not the time. So you carry on doing what you're doing because you're doing really well, and I feel like I am. This is probably apart from this, it's always gone in the back of my mind, the happiest I've ever been. How can I not? I've got a job that I love, my kids are super happy, but you know, my husband's doing up bits of the house, it looks incredible. Me and my husband have got the best relationship, like we're absolutely thriving at the moment. We've surrounded ourselves with the best people, and it has made such an incredible distance to our lives. Difference to our lives, not distance. And so, I really do think that you should have a look around you and think, are you surrounded by the right people? Really pay attention to how people make you make you feel, not because you should judge them, but because your environment isn't just your home. Your environment is also the people you surround yourself with and the conversations that you have and the voices you listen to, the encouragement you receive. Choose people who remind you of what's possible, you can celebrate your growth, you make you feeling so much more like yourself because the people around you don't just influence your days, but they shape the life that you are becoming. Thank you so much for listening to The Quiet Reset. I shall see you in the next episode.