Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
Hosted by Alexis Schmoker – wife, mama of two, nurse, and Jesus lover. This podcast is all about embracing the beautiful chaos of motherhood, finding joy in the messy moments, and leaning into faith through it all. Whether you're navigating sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, or the everyday miracles of raising little ones, you're not alone. Join Alexis as she shares real-life stories, heartfelt conversations, and encouragement to help mamas everywhere find grace, laughter, and purpose in the wild adventure of motherhood.
Let’s find the joy in the chaos—together!
Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
The Art of Co-Parenting with Grace: A Conversation with Kyla Burke
Kyla Burke's journey through motherhood defies conventional expectations. As a school nurse, photographer, and mother of three girls, she navigates life's complexities with remarkable grace and unwavering faith.
Her professional path took unexpected turns—from business school to nursing—inspired by watching compassionate healthcare providers care for her grandfather during his final years.
What truly distinguishes Kyla's story is her approach to co-parenting. Where many see inevitable conflict, she's created collaboration. Without minimizing the challenges, she shares how establishing clear boundaries and maintaining respectful communication created a harmonious environment where her daughter thrives with four supportive parents. The family attends events together, celebrates milestones jointly, and uses positive language like "bonus mom" instead of "stepmom" to foster connection rather than division.
Beyond family dynamics, Kyla reveals how she maintains balance through her photography business, Raising Grace Co. This creative outlet fills her cup differently than her nurturing roles, providing necessary renewal for her soul. Her perspective on finding joy amid chaos comes from her father-in-law's wisdom: "Every season has a purpose, a pain, and a privilege."
For mothers feeling overwhelmed, Kyla's story offers both practical wisdom and emotional reassurance. She reminds us that our children are "the oldest they've ever been and the youngest they'll ever be"—a powerful call to presence even in difficult moments. Through faith, intentionality, and genuine connection, she demonstrates how to create beauty from life's most challenging circumstances.
What will you take away from Kyla's journey? Share your thoughts and follow us on Instagram @mamaofthewildcrew_podcast to continue the conversation!
✨Kyla’s Co-Parenting blog ⬇️
✨Raising Grace Co. ⬇️
https://www.facebook.com/share/1EWwnNhJsq/?mibextid=wwXIfr
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XO, Alexis Schmoker
Mama of the Wild Crew
📸: A heartfelt thank you to Jordan Allen of Cr00ked Teeth Photography for capturing this stunning cover photo.
Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the podcast where we embrace the messy, wild, beautiful journey of motherhood together. I'm your host, alexa Schmoker, mama of two beautiful kiddos, wife, nurse and lover of Jesus. Motherhood is full of hard moments, unexpected chaos and those days where you just really don't have it all together. But in the midst of it all, there is so much joy. On this podcast, we're diving into the real, honest conversations about motherhood the challenges, the triumphs and everything in between. We'll hear the stories of incredible moms from all walks of life, share wisdom, laughter and let's be real probably a few tears, and we're going to discover how to embrace the joy in this chaos. So, whether you're rocking a baby to sleep, folding that never-ending pile of laundry or sneaking away for a quiet moment with your coffee, welcome mama. You're not alone here. Hit, subscribe and join me on this wild adventure of motherhood. I can't wait to do this journey with you. Hey, mamas, and welcome back to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast Today. I am so excited for today's guest, a mama with a heart full of love and soul dedicated to caring for others, miss Kyla Burke.
Speaker 1:Kyla is a devoted wife to her husband, david, and together they have built a beautiful family with three girls Avery, harper, jo and Blakely. Kyla's journey has been deeply shaped by her faith, her calling as a mother and her passion for nursing. As a school nurse, she spends her days caring for little ones, bringing warmth and kindness into their lives. Beyond her career, kyla's faith is a guiding light in her life. She loves Jesus and strives to deepen her devotion, using her faith as a source of strength and peace in motherhood. She is proud of the little family that her and her husband have built, navigating challenges of co-parenting with grace and communication. Today we're diving into her journey, her faith and the lessons she's learned along the way. So, whether you're settling in with a cozy seat, cruising on your morning drive or whipping up your breakfast that your toddler may or may not eat, welcome me and joining in the wonderful Kyla Burke for a heartfelt conversation on motherhood, faith and finding the joy in chaos.
Speaker 2:My name is Kyla Burke. I'm married to David Burke. A little bit about our love story. I guess we met on Tinder. Yes, yes, I know, I knew that was where I was going to find love, that's, you know what it's for.
Speaker 1:You know, my husband and I reconnected on Tinder. I thought that I saw that it's a hot.
Speaker 2:It's a hot place, Guys, I don't know if Tinder still exists, but maybe some people need to run that back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it worked for me.
Speaker 2:So I, um, was going to the church that I go to now and I had always seen the preacher's son, but like we were friends on Facebook and like the most we had ever talked was like happy birthday, and so I looked back at my Facebook and I was like, oh, he did tell me happy birthday last year, as if that like so it's a thing, yes.
Speaker 2:And so, um, it was weird, though, because I had been to that church for I don't know, like three or four years at that point. So, like I'm not just going to go up to this random guy and be like hey, we're friends on Facebook, Do you want to go on a date?
Speaker 1:I saw that you told me happy birthday, so I know that you're into me Exactly.
Speaker 2:So we matched on Tinder and I still have this screenshot because my first thing to him was like um, is the preacher's kid like allowed to have a Tinder? Yes. And so um, he was like, yes, I can. And so after that we went to church together and I let him sit by me a couple times, and I will say so at this point. I was divorced, I had a 14 month old, and so, like my hyper independence was like there. So I was like, well, I'm busy, but if you want to come over while I'm mowing my lawn, you can. And he is like well, I can mow it. Did I say I need you to mow it? You can come watch me mow my lawn. If you want to, you can watch my kid.
Speaker 2:So he would like walk next to me while I mowed my lawn, or like one day I needed to groom my dog, and so I was like, well, you can sit like under the carport with me while I shave him if you want to. And he was like, okay, I'll be over. So he, he put up with me through all that Um, so that I guess it was our love story. We um got married during COVID and, like everyone um, we did elope. So we looked at the RSU nature trail and it was so fun. His dad is a preacher, so he came down and he married us.
Speaker 2:We didn't have any family there, um, besides my daughter and our witnesses, and it was the most fun thing that I've ever done, because no one cared Like what we did. I got to take all the pictures that I wanted to. I got to look at the pictures and decide if I wanted different ones. Um, and then, whenever um the security drove through, they played our song and let us dance to it. So kind of lame, but it was really fun oh that's so fun.
Speaker 2:And then we had Chick-fil-A and so every year the Lord's Chicken.
Speaker 1:I know Like how can you not love that?
Speaker 2:And I'm pretty sure we had like Oreos or something for our cake, and so you know, everything was closed, so we pretty much wore what we had Um. My husband now husband David wore um my grandpa's old shirt that my ex-husband had given to him and was like she would love it if you wore this.
Speaker 2:And so now we still have that hanging up in our closet, and so it was just a really cool thing that he was able to wear that shirt. My dress was like a t-shirt dress from Walmart, because Walmart was the only store open in the midst of COVID. Yes, and then we had already decided that we were going to get married in 2020, because my parents and his parents were both married on 10-10. Oh, that's cool. And so that year it was 10-10 2020. And we were like how can you not get married on that day? And so we had already paid our deposits before the world shut down. Yes, and so we were like we're still going to do it. So, like the, we call it like our ceremony, so we have, like, our eloping day and then we have our ceremony day and there was no stress because we were already married, right?
Speaker 2:So whatever happened happened, we did it as if we were not married. So we did, like, all the vows and everything in front of everyone. We went back to the church and we ate pizza and had donuts and DJ it was amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that we were the same way. I don't know if you knew that, but we um were COVID married, so kind of same gist. Like everything was paid for, planned, ready, whatever it shut down, everything was shut down. So we got married at the courthouse and then like had a little dinner and then later in June we did like we call our ceremony, but we never know like what day we got married. So we're always like, oh, it's our anniversary, it's our anniversary. So I finally decided, because I was a COVID bride, I get two anniversaries. It seems fair my elopement and then my ceremony. And so I, if you ever like see, like, oh, happy anniversary. And you're like, I thought it was just your anniversary.
Speaker 2:I get two Yep. We do the same thing. We celebrate both Um cause we didn't really do anything for the eloping. Like we went home and ate Chick-fil-A and hung out and probably watched a movie or something, cause it was closed. Exactly, you couldn't do anything yeah, so that's our like just celebrate, go out to dinner one, yes, but whenever we had our ceremony we went to Colorado and had the whole honeymoon experience, and so that's like our traveling one.
Speaker 2:So once the kids get big enough like we'll start actually traveling during that time. So it's during fall break, so, oh, that's perfect, usually like we're out of school and off work.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's exactly how we are too Like. Ours is like our elopement time is the week of Valentine's Day, which was not intentional. It was just kind of like that was the week that our wedding got canceled and I was beside myself and Jordan was like, well, let's just go get married, yeah. And we were like okay, so we did so it just happened to be the week of like Valentine's Day, so we used that as like Valentine's slash go-to-dinner kind of time and then, kind of same thing.
Speaker 1:We have great plans to travel for our other anniversary but, like you, we have littles. So, you know, one can dream One day. Yes, exactly One day. Okay. So, kyla, as moms, you know, we can absolutely be crushing it. And then we have one little mom fail and it'll, it'll just get you. It never fails. We all have our mom fails. So, kyla, what is your most recent or your like cringiest mom fail?
Speaker 2:So I'm going to go with my most recent, because I have a ton of mom fails, um but, so I work at a school and my husband works at the school that she attends, so we're at two different places and I forgot that my husband wasn't at work and I think he had the flu or something. I don't know why he wasn't at work. Um, but I forgot my kid, and so I always, like whenever we're waiting for kids to be picked up, and we call the mom and we're like, hey, where are you coming?
Speaker 1:in today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I I'm like how could they forget their kid? And then I literally was like walking down the hall with one of my co-workers and I was like, oh my gosh, my kid. And then, right then my phone starts ringing and it's my kid's school and they were like, hey, just wanted to let you know. Avery's in the office.
Speaker 1:I was like oh my gosh, don't tell her I forgot her, and so I get over there and I was like I'm so sorry I forgot you. Mom was late. I had to take care of someone Exactly.
Speaker 2:I didn't even try, I was just like. I'm sorry I forgot you Like. Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:Because how old is Avery? She's seven, seven. And then you have Harper, joe, and she is three, okay, and then how old is your baby, blakely just turned one, one, okay, oh yeah, she just had her birthday party. Okay, one, three and seven. One, three and seven, goodness Okay. So, you work as a school nurse at an elementary school and then, like you said, your husband David works. What does he teach?
Speaker 2:He is in the special education department so he runs like the resource lab at his school.
Speaker 1:Very cool like a local elementary school. You said it's just like a couple blocks away. Okay, that is so fun. Yeah, all right. So you guys have three girls, so Raising Daughters I'm the oldest of three girls. Raising Daughters comes with its own unique joys and challenges. As a mom to three little girls, what has been the most rewarding part of raising strong, confident young women, and how do you?
Speaker 2:hope to guide them as they grow into who they are meant to be. So I was kind of talking to my husband on the way over here about this Cause. I'm like what's our favorite thing?
Speaker 2:Like I love how, whenever they like come out of their room with their princess dress on, they're like I'm so beautiful, like yes, I want you to know that you're beautiful and you're kind, and like you know more than just on the surface like all the inside things, Um, but like just creating a sense of them being happy in their own skin, um, and being able to advocate for themselves, not trying to just people please their way through life, Like I want them, if they do not like what's going on, I want them to say no, I don't want you doing that. My oldest was at a sleepover and I got a text from the other mom and she said yeah, my kid was being bossy and your kid called her out on it. And I was like, well, I hope that she was kind when she did it, but like I, I'm proud of her for at least standing up, because as a child I probably would have never done that. I would have just been like, oh, it's fine, Boss me around.
Speaker 2:So, um, but I remember, um, I wrote this down as I was like going through my divorce and um, looking for, you know, my new, whoever he was going to be. Um, I remember praying every night like I, um, lord helped me be a strong, independent woman who knows her self worth. And like I pray that every night. And then once I had Avery, I was praying it and saying, you know, let me and Avery be strong, independent women who know our self-worth. And as Harper came and then Blakely came, so every night, whenever I pray, I always pray that exact thing. So, like I guess I just hope that they be strong, independent women who know their self-worth in this world and, you know, always come back to us, but be able to be without us yes, wow, that gives me chills.
Speaker 1:That's just like a whole what, like another way to think about it. And being a girl, mom man, you just think you know you've been a girl being a girl can be hard, yeah, so let's let's talk about nursing.
Speaker 1:your journey into nursing was definitely influenced, um, by caring for your, which you've already mentioned, is very special to you, wanting to be a source of kindness for families. How did that experience caring for your grandfather shape the way that you care for your students now, and how has your faith played a role in guiding you through both the emotional and rewarding moments of being a school nurse?
Speaker 2:So I took care of my grandpa for like five years as I was going through high school and college. Um, you know, I had my mom and my sister who also helped me. Um, but I took on a lot of it because I liked the kind of medical side of it. He had COPD, so he had trouble breathing, he was on oxygen, he needed nebulizers. Um, lots of anxiety that surrounded that, and so he was on home health, which is crazy for hospice. He was on hospice for five years.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, and typically you can't stay on that long, like they would have kicked him off and he would have to do something else, but somehow, like the company that he was with kept selling and so they kept him on and so that was a blessing to us, because like that stuff gets so expensive and just having them and the resources was really nice.
Speaker 2:But in doing that at that time I had went to Votek in high school, decided I wanted to be a pharmacist, started college and decided I did not want to be a pharmacist, that I just really liked the money of pharmacists. And so I changed to a business degree which I loved. Like pharmacy did not come easy to me, business did. Like I got straight A's, I loved all the things dressing pretty, um, got my associates in business and then I came home because I went to school in NEO, came home to Claremore, started working at urgent care, cause they had an opening in the reception, um, and so while I'm working there taking care of my grandpa I get to see kind of like what the LPNs are doing in the back and I was like, oh well, that's, that's not too bad.
Speaker 2:I think that I could like give shots and like hook them up to things, like I feel confident that I could do that. And so in that time my grandpa was having LPNs and RNs come out and he was starting to getting sicker kind of as it progressed. But, um, I would have some come in and they were awful, they were so rude, they wanted to leave, like they I don't know why they became nurses because they did not want to be there, um, and so I was able to see that. But then, like I remember, this LPN was so amazing and she loved my Papa so much, but, um, they were trying to do a catheter that he needed and they couldn't get it, and so she was like sitting next to him crying and they had to call an ambulance and get it inserted and all that stuff. You had to go to the hospital and like she was so just invested in him that like it made her sad whenever she wasn't able to help him, right, um, and then literally up until he passed away, you know, he, they were just so kind the whole time um, they walked us through the whole process, what we had to do like after he passed away, and so in that time I had just been so um consumed by how amazing LPNs were.
Speaker 2:So I did 15 months to become an LPN and then in that time I went through my divorce. I decided LPNs don't make as much money as RNs and I was able to work in a setting with RNs and realize that they actually aren't really nice. We just had bad RNs. So I decided, well, I guess I'll just go ahead and finish that degree, since I'm already like this far. So I did another year which ended up being COVID year. So, yeah, july to July I did my RN school.
Speaker 2:I went back to NEO where I got my business degree, and so I had all my prereqs already. It was great. I loved going up there. It was like Monday and Tuesday Wasn't super like strenuous as far as the schedule. I was still able to work full time, take care of my kiddo. And then in March everything shut down. So it became, you know, we didn't go to RN school, we didn't go to clinicals, because no one would let us in, because it was the middle of COVID. So we did a whole bunch of simulations. So I was so thankful that I went for my LPN because at that point I had three years of experience.
Speaker 2:So, like that, hands-on stuff wasn't as important to me. I needed the book stuff, which is what we were getting, um, and so that's that's kind of how that went. And, uh, now I have transitioned my husband. He works at a local elementary school and they had a job opening for a school nurse and I had worked in the hospital during COVID because I had to do my time and it was awful and I hated it.
Speaker 2:And I don't think I could ever do it again. Went to home health, loved home health, but it's real sketchy, real fast. So I don't know if I could go back to that again, but I loved it. While I was there I made so many little family friends, I feel like and I still talk to some of them because they were just so adorable and they're like my grandma and then whenever I found out about this job, I was like, okay, I feel like my calling could be like school nursing I can totally see me doing that Went to the interview and was like, okay, I think this is going to be it.
Speaker 2:And then I get the call that I didn't get the job and I was like, oh well, I guess I probably wouldn't be like a good school nurse anyway. And so I went back to my home health and I just I don't know I was really upset about it, but I was like it's just not meant to be. Like now I know like that is not something that I should do and like, maybe like a month and a half later I get a call and I guess this had been in the process the whole time the school nurse position that I applied for they wanted one nurse for two schools, but they were trying to get approval to have one nurse at each school. And finally, um, I didn't know it, but, um, one of the admin had called my husband and was like, hey, is your wife still interested in the job Because we want her to take over this school? And he's like, yeah, you know, go ahead and give her a call. I think she still would.
Speaker 2:And so they call me and like, my first thought is like, but I'm not called to be a school nurse. Like that. I already decided that is not my thing. Um, and so I told him I was like I'll talk to my husband and like I'll let you know. And so then he tells me that he already knew about it. And so I think on it for a couple of days and I was like, I think, I think I'm going to do it. And, um, I agreed to it in June and started in August. And, um, I'm on my second year as a school nurse and I love it. It is so fun. I love all the little kids, I love all the hugs. Um, school nursing is not just your everyday nursing. Like I sew up pants, I help find shirts, I calm down anxieties, like I do the YMCA, I get to dress up. Last year I won Claremore's Best for nurse.
Speaker 1:I saw that.
Speaker 2:And I'm like if I went to the hospital I never would have gotten any of that. So I just love. I love being Nurse Kyla, so I go to. Walmart and like all the little kids run up to me. And I'd always seen that with my husband, david Um. You know he's like so popular because everyone loves him and I was like that'd be so cool if I could do that. And now, now I do that. I can't go anywhere without seeing my little people and I love it.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is so sweet. I can relate to that too, Cause you know my husband is also a teacher and he's very popular. So you know, they're always like coach smoke, coach smoke. And here I am just like trying to wrangle the children in the background, like I'm important too. Yeah, I'm like what about me? I'm also cool yes, you know that's so cool to be a school nurse. I've always kind of like thought about that, but oh, that's fun.
Speaker 2:I love the schedule, like yeah, we're off. Like right now it's spring break and I don't have to work. I get off the whole spring break. When it was snowy, I got out when the school was out, like.
Speaker 1:I was sitting in front of the TV like all the kids saying like, come on, Come on, Let us be out how fun, and then you're like on the same schedule as your kids and your husband.
Speaker 2:That's really nice, and our daycare we don't send the kids during like summertime or like long breaks, and so then that also gives us a little bit um of not paying because our daycare um allows us to do that Um, which is amazing. We do an in-home daycare and we love it. So much.
Speaker 1:That's so nice too, because I mean, we've talked about this before a nurse and a teacher marriage does not always bring in the most dollars, but it brings in the most joy. Exactly which?
Speaker 2:I'm technically a certified teacher with the state of Oklahoma, so I'm on the teacher pay scale. So it's even worse. Yes, godspeed, it's like two teachers, godspeed.
Speaker 1:Yes, if you're not from Oklahoma, then you might not know that oklahoma teachers do not get paid, but oklahoma teachers should get paid and that's a whole nother thing. But, um, okay, so on top of school nurse, you are also a photographer, so photography is such a creative outlet. We actually just went and took pictures because you're taking some pictures for the podcast. So, thank you, yes, it's a creative outlet alongside your work as a nurse and a mom does running um raising grace Do you say raising grace co or raising grace company? How?
Speaker 2:do you?
Speaker 1:say raising grace co. I was like I want to say that right in. You know, is that what the kids say? I think so. Okay, yeah, if it's not let us know, because I'm trying to be hip. Um, does running Raising Grace Co fill your cup in a different way than nursing and motherhood, and what drew you to photography and what do you love most about capturing special moments for others?
Speaker 2:So I started doing photography Um, I bought my first camera after I paid for my first weddings um photographer and it was so stinking expensive. And then I was pregnant and I was like I bought my first camera after I paid for my first weddings Photographer and it was so stinking expensive, yeah. And then I was pregnant and I was like I don't have to pay someone to take pictures of my kid all her life. So I went on like Black Friday or something, whenever they were having a sale, and I bought a little Canon and I started watching YouTube videos and then I started, you know, posting on and then people wanted me to take their pictures and I was like I don't want this to be a full-time thing and have to rely on it, but it's really fun to just do and that's kind of how I built my clients. So I've been doing it for I don't know seven years now and for the most part I don't market myself. I have the same people coming back and using me. I don't like market myself.
Speaker 2:I have the same people coming back and using me Right, which is fun because I have all these pictures. Like one of my best friends, kaylee she before she even had her first kid and she just had her sixth birthday, I did like their one year photos and then I did, you know, as the years have gone on, I've done when they've had extra kids and I did their newborn pictures and just seeing like how I've grown and how they've grown is really fun. I like photography because it is something that's, like you said, a creative outlet. Like with nursing, I have to think so much, I have to, I have to just know. And with motherhood, you have to just know and take care of people and clean after them and just do all the things all the time. It's like you have to be 100 all the time.
Speaker 2:I feel like right. And with photography I don't feel like that. Um, I used to do weddings and newborns. I don't do those anymore because I realized that I was getting that feeling and it wasn't fun anymore, like it was super stressful. You can't get the first look back, you can't get the first kiss back, um, but you can get family pictures back, like if the kids are acting fools. Then we can say, okay, let's just you know, do it next week whenever it's after their nap time or whatever.
Speaker 2:Right Um and so it's just kind of different, like. I just feel like people are happy, I get to make them happy by giving them these photos. I don't really remember taking like professional pictures whenever I was younger, and so I try to be very affordable, so that way people who may not be able to afford some of their photographers could come to me and still get quality photos could come to me and still get quality photos Right.
Speaker 1:It can be stressful, like trying to get your kids to be on and you just never know when that's going to be, and I've worked with a few wonderful photographers and I feel like it makes such a difference whenever you have someone where you're not feeling like they're annoying or stressed out Right by like your kids misbehaving, Because kids are kids, Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And that's sometimes when you get the best pictures when they're just like being themselves and you want to capture them being themselves. Yes, I love toddler photography because they just run in circles and I chase them. Yeah, and then you know, parents play peekaboo and it's like you can't do a posed photo, you have to do a candid photo and, like, those are my favorite types of photos. Um, so I like doing that.
Speaker 1:That's so fun and just filling your own cup too then allows you to, you know, have extra for your kids and your husband, because you just definitely need, like that, that little joy. And that's great, too, that you started to realize that it was taking that joy from you too, cause I think sometimes we can miss like that red flag, I guess, and continue to just pour ourselves into where it gets not enjoyable and then that takes away the whole point. Okay, kyla, so we're going to kind of dive in a little bit. You had you've mentioned a couple of times that you've been through a divorce and that you had your first wedding and then you went through a divorce and now you're married to David, which everything happens for a reason.
Speaker 1:And you have a beautiful little family now but that does not come without saying that that was very hard for you, um. So if you don't mind, telling us just a little bit about our backstory and then we'll get into co-parenting. So co-parenting for you and for everyone, I feel like, has come with so many different layers communication, compromise, um, and making sure that your kids feel loved and secured. How have you and your family worked together to create a healthy and positive co-parenting dynamic, and what advice would you give to other parents who are walking this path?
Speaker 2:Okay. So my first husband and I separated a little bit before my oldest daughter, avery, was born. And then, um, in Oklahoma you can't get a divorce until the baby's born. If you're pregnant, they won't grant it, um, even if you have lawyers, all the things. And so, um, we had to stay married for an additional six months because then at that point we had had a kid. So then you have to go through parenting classes, um the law, and so we went through all that. We were separated that entire time. Um, and we really got to learn like from day one, because when we were in the hospital, um having Avery, we were not together.
Speaker 2:But I remember people asking, like are you going to let him be in the delivery room? I'm like yes, like that is her dad, and I think that's sometimes what people forget, like he he's still, he's just as important as I am. So whenever people kind of try to use that against them, you know like my new family's gonna do this, like you can't do that because your old family's still your family, right, and so I say I'm not gonna do that. It was not super weird for me to co-parent, because my mom went to my dad's Christmases until I was like 13. And they've been divorced since I was like six weeks old. So that was just normal, like my grandma would have presents for my mom, and I just thought that's like how people celebrate Christmas, like everyone comes together, and so I think that helped me kind of had an open mind.
Speaker 2:Um, my ex-husband's new wife, bailey, is amazing and um, whenever he decided he wanted to be with her, I told him I was like we need to have a conversation, like wherever we go, like let's go to Starbucks and sit down and just talk. If this is who you want to pursue, I want to make sure that, like I'm going to be comfortable with her being around our daughter. And so we did that. All was well. He made jokes the whole time about his wife and girlfriend because we weren't divorced yet, because Oklahoma law, um, and then whenever Avery came home from the hospital, um, bailey was super receptive to just kind of how I wanted to parent um and how we wanted to parent, so she never was like overbearing. When it came time to give Avery like her first bath, like she let Zach and I go in there give her her first bath, like take our first bath pictures and all that, um, and so it made it to where it wasn't like like she was taking away from me, and I feel like that helps a ton. Like I didn't feel like my, my motherhood was being tested necessarily, like it was more like I had a friend to help me.
Speaker 2:Um, and I say that I tell people like co-parenting like isn't the best thing ever. Like, whenever you see how we get along, so many people are like, oh, I just wish I could be divorced so that way I could have that much help. And it's like, no, that's not how it works. Like it's I wouldn't want anyone to get divorced, um, and whenever I talk about co-parenting I wanted to mention this too. Like it's not the same if, like, you're fleeing from a relationship, that like comes with abuse and, um, a lot of bad things.
Speaker 2:Like Zach and I's divorce was amicable. We didn't even have an attorney. We I went to mydivorcepaperscom and I made everything. Didn't know that was a thing. You get it notarized, you go in front of the judge and you tell them what you want, um, and so it was a really easy process for us because we got along through it and I feel like that has been like the number one thing for our co-parenting is just getting along and compromise.
Speaker 2:Like for people to think that we always get along isn't true, because, like my husband and I now don't get along all the time and my best friend and I don't get along all the time Like you're always going to have things that, um, you know, annoy you or whatever.
Speaker 2:I remember, whenever we first were co-parenting and going through our divorce and everything, it was like I knew the exact thing to like pick at, and then that would like get us to fight because, like, I wanted to argue and finally, one day, I don't know, something just came over me and I was like that is not healthy, that is not what is going to make us be good co-parents. Um, and so finally, we started saying like, hey, if this doesn't benefit Avery, we don't need to be talking about it right now, or, you know, let's talk again in a week after we've thought about it. And I feel like that definitely has helped us a lot, because we don't always get along, and I would mention this to you earlier. Like Avery may go to their house one day that's actually my day but they're going to do something fun or they're going to, you know, see family and at my house we're just staying, so like I want to put Avery first in all the situations and I feel like that helps the co-parenting. That was really long winded.
Speaker 1:No, I, I cannot even imagine. That's why I was like I have so many questions about this, because I have different friends in different, you know situations, and I feel like it's something that unfortunately is a thing. Like you said, like you don't want anyone to get divorced and you're not saying, if you're going through a hard time, get divorced. I mean, obviously you do your due diligence to put your marriage first, um, but with that, not everything is black and white, and so this does happen.
Speaker 1:And so, trying to put your kid first, I just we were talking before and I'm like just the pride that you would have to suck up constantly. And I mean you just have to do it though, because, like you said, it's for your kid Exactly. So what are some of the ways that, like, you've tried to just ground yourself? You said, like her going over there even whenever it wasn't your day, like I'm sure that that hurts sometimes too, yes, so like is it that you kind of bounce things off with David whenever you're feeling that way? Or you said you have like a best friend. What are some things that you try and just like re, reground yourself and refocus your mind?
Speaker 2:Like, um, you know, just reminding myself that this is what is going to be the best thing for her, um, david does help me constantly remember that, um, and it doesn't happen all the time because, um, we do a lot together. Um, we like today we went to gymnastics together, so me, my ex, his new wife and my husband all go to, you know, sporting events or whatever, and we sat together, like we don't make it weird, you know, they're not sitting at the far end, or if we go, they can't go Like I've seen so many situations that are like that and I'm like I want Avery to be able to come to one spot and talk to us. Um, and then after that, we went to Chick-fil-A and the kids all played at the play place. Um, and it wasn't weird because that's just how we do things.
Speaker 2:I was also going to mention that, like, one of the big things that, um, we kind of started at the beginning was that we're going to be nice to each other, like the whole family. So we do one birthday party and if you can't be nice, you don't get to come. And so I remember making the Facebook page, you know event, and it was our first kid, so like we had three to your cake and like I don't know a hundred people, in attendance because we invited everyone.
Speaker 2:Um, but whenever you have like so many parents, and then parents, parents, and then parents, parents are divorced and like there's just a lot of people, and so we had to tell them, like, if you decide to come and you do anything that would make any of the parents feel uncomfortable, then you're going to be asked to leave, because this day is only about Avery and we. We started that right on and it still is normal. So we had her birthday party. We split him this year because she's getting friends, and so to be able to have all the family and friends is way too many people. Family and friends is way too many people. So, um, this year we had, um, you know, like my ex's mom and my mom and then Bailey's family, um, and then David's family all came and it's like it's not weird, because they're like oh, there's Angela, like let's catch up about the cruise she just went on, and they're like, oh, okay, well, like I know that we have to get along.
Speaker 1:So we're not going to make it weird. It just wasn't given an option Exactly. Pretty much, yeah, because I think at the heart of everything, everyone wants what's best for the child Exactly. But that is not always easy. Right Like it's, I guess it's easier said than done, and whenever it comes to like multiple different family dynamics, yeah, everyone's just got to get on the same page.
Speaker 1:If you want to be involved and you want everyone to be involved, and you want everyone to be there, and so I can imagine just like trying to manage the feelings of not only yourself, but then every other person in the family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but if you talk to Avery for like any amount of time, I call her my cute little old lady Because she is the one that will like carry a purse around With like little hard candies.
Speaker 2:And like hand them out to people, but she's so kind, she's so sweet, she's so just All the things that you would want. She's seven now, so we're kind of going through a little emotional time, but she's just a really well-rounded kid and I feel like a lot of that has to do with having four great, supportive, kind parents that are kind to each other. And do we argue yes? Do we argue in front of her no?
Speaker 1:Right, Absolutely. That kind of leads us into two. I was going to ask were there any specific moments or challenges that really tested you and how did you and your family work through them? And, on the flip side, what are some of the biggest wins or breakthroughs that you guys have experienced and what makes you proud of how far you've come in your co-parenting journey?
Speaker 2:You know I tried to think of challenges and I don't know like a specific challenge. I feel like just all always being on the same page is kind of hard. So I would say, maybe a challenge is whenever my compromise or the compromise is me compromising, um, because that's not always the fun thing, like I always want to be the first one to have her, or to win the argument or to whatever it is, and you don't always get to do that, um, so I would say, for me, definitely a challenge is that because I want my way.
Speaker 2:I feel like that's kind of how everyone feels. You know they want their way, but my way's not always the best way either, um, and so I'm thankful that I have David to kind of remind me of that too, that, you know, maybe she should do X, y and Z, because that is what's best for this situation, um, so I think that helps. And then, as far as like a win, um, I don't know if this is really a win, but it's just like a shameless little. Guess what I did. I wrote a blog one time and it went on love what matters. Um, so that was really cool to like, see, just like my picture and my words all circulating. And because of that, um, I got asked to be on a different Christian um site, and so they did a little article on me and somewhere in like I don't know, england decided to pay me $200 for my words and my pictures, and I was like this is so amazing, like.
Speaker 2:I'm making money off of it now and they sent me the like cover photo of it. And you know those magazines that are like are at the supermarket and it's like you know, baby mama with X, like I don't even know what it's saying now but it like was not a good write up.
Speaker 1:So I at least made $200. You're like hopefully no one will see this.
Speaker 2:Yes, Like whenever I read it, I was like, oh my gosh, this is not what it was supposed to be, because people sometimes look at our dynamic and they're like this is kind of weird. Like why are they getting along Right? And that's exactly how this magazine portrayed it.
Speaker 1:That it was very weird, and I was like that's not how it's supposed to be. Yeah, yeah, you're like it's. I mean it's not weird, it's how ideally. I think if you would think of how you want co-parenting to be it's how you would want it to be and, like you said, it's not always perfect, yep Like.
Speaker 2:Harper Jo, her favorite person is uncle Zach, and when Harper got big enough to like know who Zach was, we were like what do we say? Because you know, Avery knows that Daddy is Zach and David she calls him Day is her stepdad. She can tell you everyone in her family and how they're related to her and who is blood and who isn't, Even though that doesn't matter. Who shows up is what matters and we remind her of that often. But we didn't know what Harper was going to call them and so obviously she's not going to call him dad, like yeah, it's kind of weird for Zach. So we were like we'll just call him like Uncle Zach and so anytime she's like, well, where'd Sissy go?
Speaker 2:she always calls Avery Sissy and we'll say, oh, she went with Uncle Zach. And she's like, oh, okay, and BB and Gun, that's their son, um, and so she just knows it like that. So I'm like once we get to school it'll be kind of weird explaining it, but at least for now it makes sense in their minds.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, I, I never even thought of that Well and you guys, like you said, at sporting events too, I've seen you with like the cute matching shirts. I mean just kind of making it fun too. So what did it say on the back?
Speaker 2:it was like mom what other shirts I'm talking about. Um, it's been like a year maybe. Like I think they said trainer or something we did. We've done one before. That's like mom of the whatever and then we put, I think, bonus mom, that was one thing that we initiated early on, too, is that she's not a stepmom, she's a bonus mom.
Speaker 2:Um, and so Avery will now tell me she'll go, you're the best regular mom ever. And I'm like, can you just say, can you just call me mom? And then she'll say, and BB is the best, uh, bonus mom ever and so then I feel like that just I don't know step just seems I think of like the evil stepmother and how mean she is, and so I don't know, like that's how I associate it exactly where when I hear bonus mom, I'm like, oh, it's like a fun extra mom, um.
Speaker 2:And so that's what she says too bonus dad and bonus mom oh well, that's cute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, like you said, like there's no handbook on this, you don't know how to navigate it. Yeah, I'm just making it up as I go.
Speaker 2:I wish there was a book and there are some books and I've tried to like kind of see how other people do things, but I don't always agree with all the stuff that they do. So we'll see. Maybe one day I'll write a book. You should guys, you should write a book. Go ahead and save this for whenever my book's ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then we can put this out, and then you'll be famous. You guys heard it here first Exactly, she's going to write a book. Yeah, how fun. Okay, so I've got one last question for you. So, as a wife, mother and school nurse and a photographer, you wear so many hats and juggle so much daily In the midst of this wild chaos that comes with motherhood and all things, all the things. What are some of the things that you find joy in, stay grounded in and truly savor in these moments?
Speaker 2:Okay, so one of the things that I thought of my father-in-law, um, whenever he preaches, one of the things that he always says is every season has a purpose, a pain and a privilege.
Speaker 2:And so whenever I'm like so overwhelmed with all the things that I put on myself, like I always kind of think about that, because it's like, yes, you know it might be a pain right now that we don't get to go travel or do like things because we have small children, but what a privilege it is to have those small children.
Speaker 2:And I saw something on Facebook the other day that said, like you know, my kids are the oldest that they've ever been and the youngest that they'll ever be. And I'm like that's just it hits me so hard. So I feel like just like remembering that, like even in the chaos and craziness of like motherhood, that this is like what I get to do, like there's so many people that like wish that they had this life and I get to live it. So I feel like just reminding myself of that definitely helps um me stay grounded and like find the joy back. And you know, sometimes it's just going to the park and letting the kids run and get out of my house that they keep destroying. Um, that brings me lots of joy.
Speaker 1:That does. That sure does man Cause keeping a house clean is like it's impossible. I just told you we're in the middle of selling our house, so we're trying to keep it clean for showings and I'm about to lose it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't imagine Like I can't.
Speaker 1:Even if we have like a showing in the morning and then a showing that afternoon, that three hours in between it's like we almost can't come home because two seconds inside I'm cleaning the whole house again. Yep.
Speaker 2:They just love, you know, dumping the blocks over.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's like why?
Speaker 2:why do you have to do that? You're going to play with three of them and then go find something else?
Speaker 1:Yes, but some of that, most of the time, you can just let go and, to be honest, sometimes your house just you just have to let it go and you just have to have fun, but in the in the process of showing your house, for you know to sell, People don't feel the same, right, but it's okay, guys, it's gonna sell please. Hopefully, by the time this podcast airs it'll be sold, and this is a different story. And if it is not sold, guys pray for me, because I'm gonna need it.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna need the prayers. Well, kyla, this was so fun. Thank you so much for joining me today and thank you for taking the pictures for the podcast, guys, hopefully they'll be well. We'll probably have the pictures back even before this comes out. So, guys, whenever you see the pictures this is Kyla, this is who took them Hire me, yes, so thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Speaker 1:Your journey as a mom, a nurse, a photographer and a woman of faith is so inspiring. I love the way that you embrace the chaos of motherhood with joy, you navigate co-parenting with grace and you pour love into everything that you do, and that's so apparent. Your words today will resonate, I feel like, with so many, whether they're walking a similar path or just needing a reminder that they're not alone in the ups and downs of motherhood and in life. I'm so grateful for this conversation and for your wisdom, your laughter and your honesty that you've brought to our podcast. Thank you for being here, for being you and for sharing your beautiful story with us. I can't wait to see all the incredible things that lie ahead of you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, thank you, mama. I'm so grateful that you took time out of your busy schedule today to listen to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Alexa Schmoker and I hope you love this conversation and that it resonated with you. Thank you so much for opening up your circle and letting us in as we walk through this wild ride of motherhood together. Remember, in the chaos of motherhood there is always joy to be found, so keep looking in those little moments that make it all worth it. Be sure to follow along on Instagram at mamaofthewildcrew underscore podcast. Please don't forget to like, subscribe and share our podcast. I'd love to hear from you, so comment, tag me, dm me, let me know what you think and let me know what you'd like to hear next. Mama, I am praying for you, I love you and I cannot wait to see you next time.
