Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
Hosted by Alexis Schmoker – wife, mama of two, nurse, and Jesus lover. This podcast is all about embracing the beautiful chaos of motherhood, finding joy in the messy moments, and leaning into faith through it all. Whether you're navigating sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, or the everyday miracles of raising little ones, you're not alone. Join Alexis as she shares real-life stories, heartfelt conversations, and encouragement to help mamas everywhere find grace, laughter, and purpose in the wild adventure of motherhood.
Let’s find the joy in the chaos—together!
Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast
Permission to be Imperfect: A Conversation with Kendall Wellner
What if we stopped pretending that motherhood is always picture-perfect? Kendall Wellner, mother to 18-month-old Ellie, joins me for a refreshingly raw conversation about the beautiful mess of motherhood – from fertility treatments and pregnancy loss to those postpartum struggles nobody warns you about.
Kendall's fertility journey took four years, multiple treatments, and walking through the heartbreak of loss before finally welcoming her rainbow baby. But that was just the beginning. With remarkable candor, she shares how she didn't feel an immediate connection with her daughter after birth – something many mothers experience but few discuss. "The first year was the toughest year of my life," she confesses, describing the anxiety, identity crisis, and unexpected emotions that blindsided her during postpartum.
We dive deep into how motherhood transforms everything from your marriage to your faith. Kendall beautifully articulates how seeing her daughter helped her comprehend just a fraction of God's love for us: "When I looked at her...I was like, gosh, He loves me and her. I can't even imagine." This spiritual awakening became a source of strength during her darkest moments.
What makes this conversation truly special is our shared conviction that honesty creates community. Whether discussing "mom fails" during tornado warnings or the guilt of wanting to return to work, we're challenging the perfect-mom narrative that leaves so many feeling inadequate. As Kendall reminds us: "It's okay if you want to be a working mom. It's okay if you are struggling or hate postpartum. It's okay if you don't want to breastfeed."
Whether you're trying to conceive, in the thick of postpartum, or simply needing permission to be imperfect, this episode offers both solidarity and hope. Connect with us and remember – behind every "perfect" Instagram mom is a real woman trying to figure it out just like you.
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XO, Alexis Schmoker
Mama of the Wild Crew
📸: A heartfelt thank you to Jordan Allen of Cr00ked Teeth Photography for capturing this stunning cover photo.
Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the podcast where we embrace the messy, wild, beautiful journey of motherhood together. I'm your host, alexa Schmoker, mama of two beautiful kiddos, wife, nurse and lover of Jesus. Motherhood is full of hard moments, unexpected chaos and those days where you just really don't have it all together. But in the midst of it all, there is so much joy. On this podcast, we're diving into the real, honest conversations about motherhood the challenges, the triumphs and everything in between. We'll hear the stories of incredible moms from all walks of life, share wisdom, laughter and let's be real probably a few tears, and we're going to discover how to embrace the joy in this chaos.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're rocking a baby to sleep, folding that never-ending pile of laundry or sneaking away for a quiet moment with your coffee, welcome, mama. You're not alone here. Hit, subscribe and join me on this wild adventure of motherhood. I can't wait to do this journey with you. Hey, mamas, and welcome back to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the space where we hold honest conversations about motherhood, identity, faith and the beautiful mess in between. Today, I have the absolute joy of sitting down with Kendall Wellner, a wife, a mama, a project manager and a woman with a heart full of strength and softness. From walking through fertility treatments and loss to navigating the wild, beautiful ride of postpartum and early motherhood, kendall's story is one of grit, grace and so much growth. Whether you're in the thick of it of motherhood, or just needing a reminder that you're not alone, this conversation will speak to your soul. So, without further ado, welcome my girl, kendall.
Speaker 2:Hi, thanks for having me. I'm so honored actually to be on this, because I love listening to your podcast, but I love moms. Have a space, have a space. So that's why I'm so excited to be here. Anyway, I'm Kendall, I'm 34 years old. I am married to my husband Shelby.
Speaker 2:He is the love of my life We've been together eight years and we have a one and a half year old now named Ellie. I can't even believe that she's one and a half. It goes so fast. The first year it doesn't. But yes, yes, yes, yeah we'll get into that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, we're gonna circle back to that, because I know you've said you've got some postpartum stuff and girl, I've got some postpartum stuff too, like yeah. Yeah, I felt it real hard with girl yeah it was something, so tell us about.
Speaker 2:Ellie, what is she like? She has got like the sweetest personality. I don't know if that's like a normal thing for like babies and toddlers, but she's always just been a very sweet girl. But she knows what she wants. Like she definitely tells you. No, she knows what she wants, so she's not going to stop until she gets it. So I don't know where she got that. People would probably say me she's a strong willed blessing. Yes strong willed blessing.
Speaker 1:Yes yes, exactly oh. And then I saw you post one time like this super cute video of you and Ellie and Shelby and you I think the caption was something about like Shelby, what if we never went on that first date?
Speaker 2:Isn't that crazy If you think about it. Isn't that wild, isn't that crazy? Oh, it's so wild, tell me about your first date.
Speaker 1:How did you guys like meet?
Speaker 2:Well, okay, so we met at church. So we both go to Life Church in South Poles and we both were serving Switch, which is their youth ministry, and I have the worst middle school girls group and he had the worst middle school boy group as in, like you know, kids just like acting out because they're in middle school. So we met that way. But we also worked at hillcrest together, um different floors, but our paths just kind of crossed.
Speaker 2:Um, I was super into him and he was not into me at all, like not into me at all, and I was like, well, that's fine, I'm just really looking for friendship. And he still was like not having it. Oh, and I just kind of like gave up. And then, like months went by and I went to church one night and I really didn't want to go that night, I didn't feel good, but I went anyway and he came up and started talking to me and I was thinking, not this guy, because it was like pulling teeth to like talk to him the first time. And, um, yeah, after that we just been inseparable ever since. Like we exchanged numbers and like we haven't stopped talking since.
Speaker 2:And that was like eight years.
Speaker 1:Have you ever asked him like why all of a sudden that night were you into me?
Speaker 2:Oh, I ask him that all the time, Just see if his answer changes. And so what does he say? Um, he was in a pretty bad. He had been in a bad relationship, I had been in a bad relationship, so he kind of like wasn't in a place, yeah. And then he kind of felt bad because I would talk to him and he would like give me one worded answers. So then he told me that night he was like okay, if I see her at church I'm going to go talk to her. She's nice, Like just give her a chance.
Speaker 2:And then the Lord drew you both to church that night yeah, I remember looking at him from across the way and I was like I want to have his babies yeah, he looks good. Yeah, and now I have one of those babies. Thank you, lord thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I love that. Oh, because you guys's pictures are so cute and I feel like you're so.
Speaker 2:Thank you, just like complimentary of him all the time, like on your social media.
Speaker 1:You know like sometimes in marriage you can feel like you're so just like complimentary of him all the time, like on your social media you know, like sometimes in marriage you can get like you're just like just trying to get through the day sometimes, but I feel like you always post like, oh, shelby did this, or he's so cute or, you know, obsessed with him.
Speaker 2:I try, and then outside of that, I'm like you're getting on my nerves.
Speaker 1:Well, it's cute, I like it. Okay, so we're going to dive into our mom fail question. So I know you're a fan of the mom of the wild crew podcast, so you know that all the moms answer this mom fail question. So just to like lighten the mood, I guess, kick it off. I had a big mom fail this week, so we just went through the tornadoes, you know, yeah. So we have had how many tornadoes Like we. I've grown up here. I've been in tornadoes. I know what I'm supposed to do. Like you're supposed to have a plan in place. Like my shoes were not out. Nothing was prepared. I didn't have my bra on. Like you're supposed to.
Speaker 2:Nobody in Oklahoma.
Speaker 1:No, I did Um, so all of a sudden I'm like up in the morning. I actually like woke up. Jordan normally takes the kids in the morning on Monday mornings.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:Monday, right Monday morning, I think. So Wednesday it was Wednesday, it was only yesterday, it was only yesterday. He takes them Monday and Wednesdays, so he didn't take them because it was my other in-laws birthday and they were both asleep whenever he got up to go. And I was like you know what, let's let her sleep in, like I'll, I'll take them, just being so kind, you know. And so he leaves the house and I'm like, okay, the kids are still asleep, like I can dive into my, my bible, like have some time. I was making my coffee, like just, and all of a sudden my phone was blowing up and it's my mom and I'm like what's going on? And so I answered and she's like you need to take shelter now, like right now, and I was like tornado sirens going off and then they started going off.
Speaker 1:They started going off like, I guess, late. I don't know what happened, but there was like not a warning. So all of a sudden the sirens are going off. It is like I can hear it outside like, like crazy. So crew is on the couch and Wilder is in my bed. So I like get Wilder, get him in his car seat. I have not cleared out the closet, so I like have to clear out the closet, get him in the closet. I go to pick up crew. She is butt naked. She is asleep naked, so I like get her up. She's like what are we doing? So here I am in the closet, like Wilder's half in his car seat. I don't like. I finally have my glasses on, I'm in my pajamas, the crew is naked and then Wilder has a blowout in the closet.
Speaker 1:And as quickly as we like got in the closet, it was over. So it like started and ended so quick and it was like a legit tornado, though Like people's houses were absolutely destroyed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Crazy In a matter of seconds. Seconds.
Speaker 1:And so I'm like thank you, lord, for like protecting us, um, because we were not ready, like we were not prepared and we were not, my plan was not in place. And I'm going to work on that, guys, I'm going to get an emergency response plan in place. We don't have a storm shelter and we're moving. So we're like in this weird, like man, do we get a storm shelter, do we not? You know, I don't know. So TBD on that, um, but as far as emergency response, I need to get it.
Speaker 1:I need to get it together, because my kids were poopy and naked. I didn't know what had shoes on, and so you didn't have your bra on. I didn't have my bra on, I just had my glasses on, which are so old, um, and my sister-in-law is my optometrist. So, megan, I am so sorry that I am saying this. I have not updated my glasses and I don't know how long, and they were so scratchy and I can hardly see out of them because I always just order contacts. Whenever, like, I go to order, I order contacts. So they're literally ridiculous. They're taped. They have tape on them.
Speaker 1:I just need to say also for the listeners who aren't from Oklahoma.
Speaker 2:The running joke is that when there are storms and tornadoes, that we're on our porch without our bras watching it come in. So that's, that's just a running joke.
Speaker 1:Some people are probably like what is she talking about? Yeah, like tornadoes are real here and they're real quite frequently we're in tornado season. I think we are in tornado season yeah, so anyway, that was my mom fail. Poopy kid, no bra, naked kid, late to the closet in a legitimate tornado. Yeah, anyway, what'd you do this week?
Speaker 2:uh well, my mom failed this week. Oh I well, I gotta talk about my mom fail just of all time okay, because I feel like I didn't hear enough moms talk about this, but I did the classic my child fell off the bed. Mm-hmm, yes, me and my husband were both getting ready one morning before daycare and she's sitting on the bed and I didn't.
Speaker 2:I thought she was like propped up She'd be good, and I went into our bathroom and all of a sudden we hear this like oh, we both looked at each other and I ran out and she was not on the bed and she was on the floor and we just you know he was like I thought you were watching her and I was like I didn't know she could do that You're like wow, a milestone.
Speaker 2:A milestone with her and she just looked terrified. But I had so much guilt and then I was talking to like one of my bosses and she's like, oh, my child rolled off the changing table.
Speaker 1:So she was like all the moms, we all do it and I was like I think it happens more than you you think yeah, I knock on wood because I still have a baby. Um, I have not had that happen yet, but sorry, add, addie, my sister did, and Briggs is fine, he is a champion warrior, but he did have a fall too and I mean I remember her calling and being like I am the worst mom ever I'm like you are not the worst mom ever, like it just happens.
Speaker 1:It happens so quick, they move so fast. All of a sudden, I don't know it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I didn't know. She would like want to venture off to the side. And yeah, yeah, so fast.
Speaker 1:Well, don't don't beat yourself up, we can laugh about it now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, laugh about it now, but in the moment I was like, yeah, and you know I'm dropping her off at school and I'm like she fell off the bed. So if she, you know, just starts drooling and acting real weird, just call me that's why call the ambulance first and then give me a call.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's scary, because then you're like do you let them go back to sleep, do you not? Crew fell out of the front of her wagon on a walk it was right before her first birthday, like we were on a walk and she went headfirst over the front of the wagon.
Speaker 1:She was standing up oh headfirst, and she like hit a thing and had like these huge scrapes down her face for her first birthday party. And then, of course, at the birthday party, everyone asks about it what happened to your face? What happened to your face? And then I had to be like she fell out of her wagon. They're like how did that happen? I'm like, well, she was standing up and we hit a bump and she fell out of her wagon. They're like, oh, poor girl. I'm like, yeah, will you stop asking me like I did? Really good, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah but you know she's fine, and then we'll have those memories forever documented. Oh for sure, um the first birthday you'll never forget her first birthday.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, no, ellie I think was sick on her first birthday, but her first like christmas, like where she was not like a newborn baby. Uh, we woke up with hamfoot mouth.
Speaker 1:No, I think I remember you posting about that yeah, not fun.
Speaker 2:So that is a christmas I'll never forget. Yeah because then we were like well, we can't go to any like family events just cut everything up.
Speaker 1:That's what's so hard about kids and like planning literally anything. It's like I have the best intentions to be here in a week, next month, three months from now, whatever it may be, but to be honest, it really depends on who is sick, really depends, and attitudes. Yeah, oh yeah, and my kids.
Speaker 1:So, crew, it was like notoriously a bad sleeper, so sometimes she would people are gonna think I'm crazy saying this, but sometimes she would stay up like all night long and into the next day, and so she would stay up like all night long and into the next day and so she would, I mean, be going on 24, 26 hours of being awake, wow.
Speaker 1:And so if she would crash, like if your birthday party is at 10 o'clock my best friend's daughter's first birthday party we were like in the car on the way over, a crew had been on one of her, like up all night vendors, and she fell asleep like on the way there and we parked in front of her house for Heidi's birthday party and we we all three just slept in the car and like didn't go into the birthday party and I texted her because she, she knows, like Cruz, I was like I'm so sorry um we technically were here, we're here, but crew has been up for a very long time oh, that bless her heart so we are all going to be sleeping in your front yard, but enjoy the party.
Speaker 1:It's so hard to plan so hard. Okay, so you said that you and Shelby technically met at church.
Speaker 2:We met at church Okay.
Speaker 1:So I want to know about your faith journey. Take us through your faith journey a bit. You mentioned growing up in church. You weren't always like as connected as you were later in life. Um, I can relate to that. Like I feel like I've gone through seasons of my life, um, especially younger, when I was like absolutely on fire about God, but then I've also gone through seasons where I believed in God and it's I don't want to take any of that away Like I've always believed in God, but it's just you know whenever you can, you know whenever he's not the priority in your life, um, so I just want to dive in a little bit about that and I'd love to hear more about what shifted for you and what brought your faith to your life, how it's grown since then, um, and how your relationship with God continues to shape who you are today.
Speaker 2:So I always tell my husband grew up in the church. His parents were very involved. He, you know he, they knew they know a lot about the Bible, more than I know he. Just he grew up that way. I grew up just going to church.
Speaker 2:What I always tell Shelby is he grew up in the church, I grew up at the church, so like I would go, you know my parents would take me and we'd do the whole thing, but like I was bored there's no other way to say it I was really bored. Um, and then when I got to an age of high school and I had a job, like then I didn't really go as much and then I didn't really go into like my 20s. And then I had a boyfriend and he went to Life Church South Tulsa and he was like, do you want to go to church with me and my family? And I was like wearing holy jeans, and I was like I'm gonna have to go home and change. And he was like, uh, no, you can go, just like that. And I was like wearing holy jeans and I was like I'm going to have to go home and change and he was like, no, you can go, just like that and I was like OK, and I went and I loved it yeah, loved it ever since.
Speaker 2:And then that's where I met Shelby and then my faith has grown tremendously through there. I got rebaptized there, we dedicated Ellie there and I feel like my faith has grown more since becoming a mother in the past year and a half. Yes, because I felt like people say when you have a kid, you know how your parents feel about you. I feel like I knew just a tiny fraction of the love that the Lord has for us. When I looked at her oh, absolutely Lord has for us when I looked at her and like would sing the worship songs and I was like gosh, he loves me and her. Like I can't even imagine Like it's yeah, it's wild.
Speaker 1:It is so wild. I absolutely agree, Like you just have this. Just I mean unconditional love for your child, and it's like just to even think that we still don't even have the concept of him loving us we don't even scratch the surface and like whenever, yeah, people will say, like, you know, god loves your child more than you do.
Speaker 1:And it's like how do you even, how do you even understand that? Because that is a lot of love, it's a lot of love, that's a lot of love, it's a lot of love, that's a lot of love. And it's like, as a mom, you're like truly, I truly believe that, that God loves my child more than I do, and to me, that is crazy. Oh like that's a crazy amount.
Speaker 2:I think that's what hit me the most, cause, um, I was holding her, trying to get her to sleep, and it said something along the lines of, like the love that he has for us, and I was like you just hit you. Yeah, I just started like crying because I was like I love the Lord, the Lord loves me, but I love her more than I've lived anything else in my life and I can't even like we're not scratching the surface. It's not even a fraction.
Speaker 1:We're already crying. It's so far in, but yeah, it's true. Yeah, no, I get it. And then being finally coming to that realization that you're responsible for this life and everything that goes into their lives and the way that they're raised and you can always be the one to make that decision, like how you said Shelby was raised in the church and you were raised at the church. Like any day, you can make the decision to raise your kids in the church and just being able to like have that control over that and have, like shape their upbringing and I always hear people say like their childhood is your, your motherhood, and that's. That's pretty cool. Yeah, so just being like you can make their childhood just as beautiful as that.
Speaker 2:I want to be open with her in the sense of if life church didn't feel like home to Ellie, as she gets older, I want her to feel like she can go anywhere else. I think I didn't have that I. So I grew up Catholic first, yeah, and then my parents went to Asbury and I just didn't think Asbury was home to me, because once I felt like Life Church was home to me, I it was a switch. Yeah, there was a difference and that's what I want her to have ultimately. So if she ever comes and it's like I just don't really like life church, okay, great, where do you want to go? Right?
Speaker 1:where I'll take you, where's the lord speaking to you at? Because he's. He's everywhere.
Speaker 2:So yeah and I and I want it to be her decision because, too, so many people, I was pressured to go. Yeah, and nothing against my parents. They did the best they could. I'm glad that they did it, because now I you had that foundation, yeah, and I know the difference and I believed growing up but I just never felt like home All the way convicted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was raised Catholic too, really. Yeah, I can understand that as well Like we had that foundation laid and I was just talking to the worshipusp of the generation where the church started to change, kind of how you're saying like oh, I'm wearing holy jeans.
Speaker 2:I can't go to church like that you know, like just the whole different mindset of what is church.
Speaker 1:Like church is the people. Yeah, so he was talking about his worship and I was like I just want to tell you, like you're the first person I saw worship. Like that was it for me, because growing up Catholic, I loved the Catholic church but we didn't worship. No, like that. No, it's different. And I remember going with my friends and seeing him worship and just like feeling the worship and I was. I mean, I was shook and that did it for me and I'm like wherever you get that feeling and that connection to God, and I mean, yeah, I was shook and that did it for me. And I'm like wherever you get that feeling and that connection to God and I mean, yeah, I understand what you're saying about LA, because I get that.
Speaker 2:One of the first things I loved about Shelby was um at switch one night. You know, we worship with the kids and, just like you said, growing up Catholic like you didn't really worship like that, so I never raised my hands, I just kept my hands in front of me and Shelby was in front of me and during worship and he had his hands up and out and it gave me the strength and like the bravery to start doing it and that's how I knew, okay, he's kind of special, like we're not even dating and I'm already like, oh, you're worshiping, I want to worship too.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've never seen really I've seen it, but like he was Pulled that out of you. Yeah, and he went doing it just to do it Like he really believed it. So now like I'm more free when I worship, and that's where I feel closest to God is through worship.
Speaker 1:So yeah to God is through worship. So yeah, I agree. Same. I feel like I always have tried to have worship music playing and I mean it just it'll change your whole mood and your whole day and your whole perspective. If you're ever having a bad day or a hard day, or you're doing the laundry that you don't want to do or the dishes that you don't want to do, or your kids are just like acting fools that day, like just put on some worship music and it just will make it that that much better.
Speaker 2:What's your favorite worship song?
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Well, right now, crew loves elevation. Um, praise the Lord of my soul. I think it's just called praise, but she calls it praise the Lord of my soul, so we listened to that. Um, she loves cane, so we do a lot of jesus music by cane um, which I love cane too. And then me, I love way maker. Like. I feel like whenever I need to like really be moved and spoken to, I put on way maker I love that one too yeah, what about you, um, right now.
Speaker 2:So, um, graves to garden is like one of my all-time favorites, but right now the one that's been moving me and I think it's because easter's close is, uh, the death of deaths by life church, because it talks about, like, uh, you know, rolling the way the stone or the tomb was empty, but it has a line in there and it gets me every time. It was the greatest gift, your life for mine.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And like it gets me every single time, because, if you think about it, that's the ultimate gift, the ultimate gift.
Speaker 1:It's so crazy We've been big into Easter because Easter's coming up. I was going to say the other day, like why don't we amp up for Easter like we amp up for Christmas, like Christmas is a month celebration, if not more. It's more for me, because I put up my tree like way in advance.
Speaker 1:Um, but like, why do we not like do the whole ramp up for Easter? And like sometimes I feel like people are all of a sudden like, oh, it's Easter. But being raised Catholic, you might feel this way too, and my husband was also raised Catholic, so we always had Lent, yeah, so like Easter, the idea of Easter and like the thoughts surrounding Easter always started earlier for me and for my husband too. So I feel like we always kind of started thinking about Easter and sacrifice and all of that a little bit beforehand. Um, but I'm curious if anyone else out there feels like all of a sudden they're like, oh, it's Easter, or what other people do to celebrate, do you give up?
Speaker 2:Do you still give up something?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. So this year I went mind wise my husband's so into mindfulness and it's something I need to be better about. So I decided, like whenever I have someone said Kelsey home she was on one of my earlier podcasts she said anytime I'm having a hard day, like I just speak about the things that I'm grateful for or thankful for.
Speaker 1:Or if I have like a negative thought, I turn it around, like, and I just start naming off things that I'm thankful for, and I've always thought like, oh yeah, that's a good idea, that's a good thing to do, and I know that's a good thing to do. But I've never enacted that Like. I've never, like, every time I had like something come through my head or whatever, I've never like literally sat down and started saying, either in my mind or sometimes out loud, like I'm grateful for my healthy children, I'm grateful for my husband, I'm grateful for this house that we live in, like, and so I've just started doing that. So for Lent, that's what I've done. I've given up negative thoughts, which they still come all the time yeah, but then correcting, so yeah have you liked it.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like there's a difference? Yeah, oh yeah, I can definitely tell the difference and I think it just makes me more aware, honestly, of how many times I do kind of have like those negative thoughts or just like woe is me kind of stuff, like we just don't, I don't know. It just kind of makes me shift my mindset into gratitude that's powerful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's really so. I haven't given up anything for Lent and I don't know how long.
Speaker 1:Oh really yeah yeah, it's my mom. I think it's my mom still, like always, says it like right as Lent starts. She's like what is everyone giving up? Like on the group chat you know, and normally she's always like I'm giving up bread and wine, this mother, I'm giving up you know I've given them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I've given up like when I was before I got pregnant with crew. This is before kids. Obviously I wouldn't do this now because I'm not a psycho, but before I got pregnant with crew I gave up caffeine like coffee, tea, everything for Lent um one year and I was working night shift then at saint francis. So it was. It was real tough. How did you survive? Well to be honest, after I got through a couple, like the first week or so I felt pretty good yeah yeah, but it was a challenge and then, like one year, I gave up cussing.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was also before kids. Now obviously you can't cuss because your children are peeing. I know she's getting shouldn't and you just shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you shouldn't, but, but she's getting to that age where I'm like okay, we probably need to like, come up with some alternatives here.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, um, yeah. So and I had, like I leave help lead a small group of high school girls. So the first day of Lent we went to um, went to Brahms like for an outing and it was one of like my first times with them and I had said like so what's everyone giving up for Lent?
Speaker 1:and everyone was like what? And I didn't realize that my church I guess I just never put two and two together like first church I guess doesn't really talk about Lent. So I really need to dive into that. I don't know, I don't know. I guess it't really talk about Lent, so I really need to dive into that.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's just a Catholic thing, I think it is. But I would also like to just give up something, just randomly throughout the year too. Yeah, I know I'm not good about it for Easter, but I would. I have a coworker who, um just got back from a missions trip and he fasted all day today.
Speaker 1:Really, husband fasts a lot all day.
Speaker 2:Well, we had an open house today and we had like tacos and stuff and he couldn't eat and he was like no, this is like it for religious reasons um, to challenge himself through his faith is what he said. He was like that way, like when I'm feeling hungry and irritable, like I go take a walk and talk to god, like it'll make me lean into god more and I was like, not me. I need the talk, not me. God wants me to have these tacos, god wants me to have these tacos before I go crazy.
Speaker 1:My sister-in-law um, I know has fasted in the past, like to draw her closer to God when she was going through hard times. My husband fasts all the time just because he's a crazy person. I'm like we'll fast all day, but I don't yeah I think I could it's not for me.
Speaker 2:I can make it till about lunch yeah, yeah, I could do like the intermittent fasting. Yeah, that I can get through, but then at some point you've got to get new food.
Speaker 1:Well, then he's eating like all into the night whenever he does fast, but yeah, he'll go all day long. If I eat into the night, it's like fast, but yeah, he'll go all day long. How do you get?
Speaker 2:into the night.
Speaker 1:It's like 20 pounds later no one wants me to fast all day because they don't want to deal with me after. But yeah, I think like for lent, though the whole idea it gets you thinking like about the sacrifice, because then you're thinking about like what am? I giving up. What is like, this is not. This is nothing compared to like what jesus sacrificed what he had to go through.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes yeah, it is so wild the story of easter, like the whole it, it gets me it does.
Speaker 1:I've been um listening to this podcast and it's about the characters of easter and it's like diving into each character. It's been so good. It's literally called the characters of easter if anyone's interested, dive into that one. Yeah yeah, it's been really good. I'll link it in the show notes, okay, but yeah, I really enjoyed it. And then we watched the Chosen in the theaters. I saw that you went how was it. It was so good. It was just the first, I think, two episodes.
Speaker 1:So I need to look up. Oh think it's in three sections in the theaters so you can go see it. But we got Chewy's. I ordered Chewy's.
Speaker 2:I saw that I was like my girl.
Speaker 1:I thought it was such a great idea, because I always sneak stuff in the theater. I'm bad, forgive me, but I did not think about the chips. And so here I was. At first I like got my chips out, scooped up that jalapeno ranch salsa dip stuff they have, and started crunching it and I was like I cannot eat chips at the theater. But people can hear me, people can hear me, it was so good. And to start it off too, I also bought the tickets for the wrong day, so we show up late because we're just running late and I had to get chewies and then, um, our tickets aren't scanning and I'm like I don't know. And he's like, well, do you have the email? I can't find the email. I never clear out my tabs, which drives Jordan nuts Normally he goes through and clears out all my tabs.
Speaker 1:Well, praise the Lord, I didn't, because my screen was still up from my confirmation. So I showed them like here, look, here's my confirmation. And they're looking into it. They're like do you have the card you paid for? Anyway, I bought them for the previous day, for Sunday, oh, no, yeah, and so there were only two seats, so I had to buy them quick, you know. So then Jordan's like I go to the bathroom while he's taking care of it and he's like, okay, we got seats. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't want to be on the very front row, or I don't want to, like have to, was looking at it.
Speaker 1:There were only two seats that were together left and he's like no, remember you bought them for the wrong day. Like that was sunday after church, like everyone was going so this was like only a few people in there, so then I was like well, I don't know, I have to sit by myself. Anyway, we made it in and it was really good. Um, so I'm so excited for the rest of it to come out, because I want to go see it in theaters, that's so cool.
Speaker 2:I guess I didn't realize it was really good. So I'm so excited for the rest of it to come out because I want to go see it in theaters. That's so cool. I guess I didn't realize it was the series. Well, we'll have to go on a double date to see the next one, because we have said we want to watch it and we've gotten a few episodes in. Yeah. And then you know we're the same way and it's hard to watch. I just together like.
Speaker 1:For us to both sit down and watch it together is tough, because at night we split kids and also I have other shows I like to watch that like help me unwind which sounds so selfish when you say it out loud, but what do you like to?
Speaker 2:watch like all sorts of things. Honestly, like right now, gray's anatomy is back on. I'm a fan, I've been watching since I was 16.
Speaker 1:I watched it so many times. I can't stop now. I can't stop now.
Speaker 2:You're invested. I watched that. I started. Nobody Wants Us on Netflix.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 2:It's so good.
Speaker 1:I can't believe it took me this long. I love it. I'm not finished with it, though of course, but like intermittent episodes. Oh, it's my favorite. I've never seen it.
Speaker 2:Oh, and Gilmore Girls, obviously.
Speaker 1:Gilmore Girls, always, always. That's my go-to show.
Speaker 2:I re-watch it every year, yeah.
Speaker 1:I've re-watched it twice, with both of my show and, like always, my comfort show. Like the other night I thought my husband was an intruder to our house. I was like half asleep, I don't know what was going on, but I he puts crew to sleep and I put Wilder to sleep. So I was like falling asleep, kind of, with Wilder. And he came in to get a toenail clipper to clip Cruz toenails.
Speaker 1:Wilder and he came in to get a toenail clipper to clip Cruz toenails and he was like trying to be quiet so he wouldn't wake Wilder up and I don't know, for some reason in my half asleep mind I thought it was some intruder sneaking in. So I started screaming at the top of my lungs like absolutely losing it, like just losing it so loud that like my throat hurt later. Um, but he was like alexis, it's me, it's jordan, it's jordan. And finally I like came to and I was like, oh my gosh, but then I had to put on gilmore girls, yes, and then I couldn't just like lay there no, you can't lay there in silence yeah, because crew was still up.
Speaker 1:So then he had to like, still put crew down and I was just scared even though you know it's him, you're like there's an intruder out there. I'm like is God trying to prepare me for an intruder? Then I'm like he does not give me the heart of fear. That is my deepest fear. It's an intruder, it was scary, I don't know. Okay, we're gonna go on to the next question, okay, so you know you and.
Speaker 1:Shelby have a beautiful daughter. You've talked about Miss Ellie Um and I just want to say you've been so open and intentional about sharing just your fertility journey and your rainbow baby and everything on social media, and I know it's not always easy to be vulnerable and share that. Um, you've walked through loss, fertility treatments and so much like waiting to meet your sweet baby. Would you mind sharing a little bit about your journey? What did it teach you about yourself, your faith, about mothering you?
Speaker 2:Ellie was like four years in the making. I have endometriosis. I have put myself through medically induced menopause before the age of 30, which was awful. I've had multiple surgeries and we just weren't getting pregnant and we just weren't getting pregnant. Nobody knows if it's the endometriosis or if there's some deeper meaning going on. So it had been a few years. We had gotten pregnant and we lost it really like quickly, and that's what I was used to either not getting pregnant or, if I got pregnant, it was like in a matter of days losing.
Speaker 2:And so we went to the fertility clinic and Shelby ended up having something wrong with him as well, which I don't think is talked about, because usually if somebody has infertility it's usually the assumption that it's the woman. He also had something going on with him. So I'm thankful we went and we did a few treatments and actually the first one failed and that felt like another loss to me. It was so, so hard and so we made the decision to go straight to IVF because of my age and my eggs and we were like, well, let's just jump right in. So I had to make a separate appointment for that and at the last minute I was like why don't we do like one more, like IUI, like while we're waiting, and he's like it's probably not going to work, I said probably not, but like we'll feel better knowing that we did something rather than sit here Right, and that's the one that took like at the last second.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, that's the one that ended up sticking and it was amazing. But I think the thing I'm most proud of is that I never gave up, because all this has taught me that there's nothing that I can't do, right, while this was all very hard, I also feel like I was meant to go through these things, because I started sharing on my social media and then I got this little fertility community and we are also close knit. And it was so special because I remember, on one of my losses I decided to share, because my first one, I went through it completely alone, like I didn't tell anybody not my husband, anything, like I don't. I think it was just not like shame, but it's a weird feeling of you're like, how can I be so upset about something that happened so quick, like I found out that I was pregnant and losing all within a few days. So you're just like, how can I be this upset? But I think, as women, we're programmed Like, once you find out that you're pregnant, it's instant.
Speaker 2:It's just like the love's already there. So I decided to be more open, and the amount of messages and friends that I've made along the way have been life changing.
Speaker 2:Like so many people were like I'm so glad you've talked about this, because so many people don't. Now I feel like I can talk about it and I was like, great, that's the whole point. So if me being in pain for years brings joy or not joy, but, you know, brings lightness and opens up conversations, I feel like Esther in the Bible. That verse that's like you were born for such a time as this. That's what I felt like throughout that whole season, that that this was my story and this is why yeah, wow, that's, that's powerful too, goodness.
Speaker 1:And I feel like our generation is kind of the first to maybe publicly share this and talk about this, because I feel like never, you never expect it to be you, or maybe the opposite. Like I always feared that I was not going to get pregnant, there was just something in me what, if I'm that person, I just like can't get pregnant or I lose my baby, and I've kind of have, like I've always been a little prone to to fear and anxiety which I feel like I've gotten so much better with, but with crew, we just got pregnant so quick.
Speaker 1:And then I was like, oh, you know that that wasn't me, I don't know't know. But then with Wilder it was not that way, yeah, and um, that opened up like a lot more conversations for me, and then it allowed me to, like talk with my mother-in-law, who had then shared that she had gone through losses and she's like we just never talked about it no, they, I think it was a generational thing.
Speaker 2:They like I don't think women were really oh, I don't want to say it loud, but they weren't allowed to talk about it, and that's probably why, in my mind, when it first happened, I was like nope, like I went to work and I worked at the hospital then and I was just working and I worked in labor and delivery and I just worked right through it. Um, and looking back, I was like why did I do that all by myself?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're just still processing and it's so, it's so hard, it's so hard and you just don't know, like you almost don't feel, I don't know. Like for me, whenever I was not getting pregnant, I didn't ever like say like, oh, I'm having fertility issues, like that for some reason. Saying that was like hard for me to come around to because, like I was still thinking like, oh, I'm not right, or I don't deserve to be able to say that, or I don't. I sometimes feel that way because I know.
Speaker 2:I know women out there that have it worse than me, so like me saying, oh, I had fertility issues, I'm like, but I didn't have it as bad as other people and that's how I talked about my miscarriages. Sometimes I'd be like well, you know, I didn't have it as bad as Sally Jo. And one of my friends was like a loss is a loss, no matter if it's in the beginning or at the very end Right.
Speaker 2:It's all the same. It's so hard. Yeah, because I had a friend. She lost her. She went through IVF and she lost her first like at like 22 weeks, and so you know her going through that and then me going through what I went through, I was like, oh, I don't, I can't even feel as sad as she must feel, like I gotta get up and go and she was the one that was like yeah, it doesn't matter yeah.
Speaker 2:So we're just, I don't think as women. We are like, we just don't like to really talk about ourselves. So I feel like talking about something that you can't physically show someone. I think it's hard Cause, like we said, we fall in love the moment we see those two pink lines are pregnant, and then it's just poof.
Speaker 1:It's so crazy.
Speaker 2:Or even if you're not getting pregnant, that's just as hard. It feels like losses. It feels like what's wrong with me yeah, why I'm born to do this. Right, like what's going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's just hard. Yeah, it's like what, like what? And I got into a state for a little bit where I was like what am I doing wrong? Like God, god, is there something that you need to work in me Like, am I not being faithful? Am I not like? I mean, you just get so wrapped into. You can get not not saying that everyone does and it's great. You shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's. It's easy to. So just speaking to like those women out there if you're feeling this way, or you're feeling like your loss isn't a loss or not a loss as much as someone else's loss or or you did something wrong for your loss.
Speaker 1:It's not true, it's not true, it's not true. And I feel like in that time I was so blessed kind of like you were saying too to have so many women surround me, like in my my Bible study group and in my mom collective group, to like just speak that truth into you. And sometimes you just need someone to say like hey, you need to stop, like that is not true.
Speaker 2:That's not the truth. And being open on social media, surprisingly, was like therapy, like I'd get on there and just start talking and just cry and looking back. I'm like I can't believe I did that, but it was so empowering and it felt almost like journaling or that I was talking to all my closest girlfriends, right, but it brought a very powerful community and a community that I'm really proud to be a part of. Whether I've had it easier or harder than others, like it's, it's all the same.
Speaker 1:What would you say to someone? So I've had a couple times where I have been pregnant and I've had friends that have lost babies while I like while I'm pregnant. That's, that's hard, it's so hard because you love that friend and you love that baby. What would you say? Like is comforting, or to do Like I just was at a loss of what to do, and I know, they know that I loved them through, you know, but it's just, you just don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, especially being pregnant. I was just telling a friend this the other day because she had someone who just lost their baby. It's really just for me. Me it was being thought about, like I loved those friends that checked in on me, like how are you doing? Like where are you at today? You know, um, do you want to talk about it? Which I know, gosh, I've been through it and sometimes when a friend goes through it I'm like do they want to talk about it? Do you want to forget about it? So I just always ask that question do you want to talk about it? Because sometimes they do and I just I let them. But I personally think just being there for them and thinking about them, it means more to me than flowers or dropping off a card.
Speaker 2:I do remember all those things, but it's the people that checked in on me that I was like okay.
Speaker 1:And I feel like that is so fluid and can change too. Like just because they don't want to talk about it at one moment doesn't mean that they want to later. Might want to later, right, it's just like with any other death.
Speaker 2:You're like do they want to talk about that person, do they not? Yeah, so that's just always my advice is people just want to be thought about, yeah.
Speaker 1:Remembered. Yeah, and your baby remembered too. Yeah, that's such a, it's a hard topic. It's a hard topic. Well, with the fertility stuff. You have told me that you want to someday work at a fertility center, which I think is so cool. Yeah, you shared that dream with me, and I want you to tell us a little bit about what that dream means to you on a deeper level, why you feel so called to give back to the women who are walking these incredibly tender and sacred paths that you've been on in the past.
Speaker 2:Ultimately, I think the dream not only would be to work in a fertility clinic, but I would love to do acupuncture too, I think, and do acupuncture treatments on women before their IVF transfers and their IUI cycles or before whatever they're going to get done.
Speaker 2:I think acupuncture is really, really powerful. But, going through the seasons that I went through, I can't find a better calling than to be there for people and couples when they're going through some of the toughest times in their life, and when I worked in labor and delivery, it was always an an honor either way that I was with someone on the best day of their life or the worst day of their life, and whether that's hard. Like I want to be a part of the planning, the helping, the processing and getting them to where they want to be with that family, because we have such a rise in infertility for our generation, and I would love to dive deeper into why that is. Obviously it's a bigger population, but sometimes it feels like a puzzle to me that I'm like what's deeply going on and I would just.
Speaker 2:that is just the dream to work at a fertility center but I told my husband I was like I would love to do acupuncture, because I did an acupuncture. Well, I did acupuncture throughout my whole fertility treatment but I did one right before that second cycle on a whim. Somebody had an opening on a Friday morning and I went and it took like 30, 40 minutes and really I've never had acupuncture?
Speaker 1:Oh really, I want to.
Speaker 2:Oh you should. They can do it like for anything, but I think for fertility it's really powerful, even in men. My husband did it too, really.
Speaker 1:Well, I had talked to. So one of my cousins is a midwife and she lives in Michigan. Yes, and so I was, you know, texting her back and forth just through our whole like time, like time, and that's something that she had recommended and I never did. I'm a bad follow through person sometimes, no. I don't think a lot of people have done acupuncture.
Speaker 2:I don't think that they have um, but I worked at a chiropractic office and she did it, so that's who I went to and I loved it. And then she's like you know, it can help with men too. It can help with men's like sperm, really yeah, so my husband did it a few times well, there you go. It's so powerful, like a little needle so I just always find that that's cool, interesting, yeah, so I'd love to be able to like get into a clinic and they'll start doing it.
Speaker 1:I'll come to you. Perfect, I'd love it.
Speaker 2:I'd love it, yeah, but I think getting to be a part of people's stories because I'll never forget the women from mine absolutely. You get to see them on such a regular basis because you're going there for lab works, ultrasounds, medications, more checkups and I and they're rooting you on just as much.
Speaker 1:You're're like, just so involved in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so you still get to be a part of the best or the worst, right so?
Speaker 1:yeah, I find that an honor and that's what I would really love to do. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:I love that dream.
Speaker 1:Well, I can't wait to see you do it. I hope so. I hope so too, okay. So let's talk about postpartum too. So we've, we've kind of gone over a little bit. Just that. I've had some postpartum anxiety in the past with group girl. Um, I say some, it was pretty bad. Um, with Wilder, I guess I still technically am postpartum, okay. So I looked up before you came over I was like, okay, I'm going to figure out how long are you technically quote unquote postpartum? So the first site I saw it said six weeks. So I didn't like that answer.
Speaker 1:So I went to a different page that said some you know health experts believe it's up to a year and I felt that was more appropriate if not longer than that. So my son is seven months old, so I feel like I'm still kind of in the postpartum phase, but I will say that just with both of my kids. Like postpartum has been very different, Both of my kids are very different.
Speaker 1:I was showing up as a different mom in each season, so I would love for you to share some of your postpartum struggles, what the season looked like for you. Do you have any thoughts or advice for moms who are either trying to get pregnant, wanting to get pregnant, have already gone through postpartum, or maybe just like in the thick of postpartum right now?
Speaker 2:My pregnancy was a dream pregnancy. We talked about this a little bit earlier but I never felt better. I really had no pains. It was a dream and as soon as she came out of me it rocked my world, rocked my world. Postpartum is way harder than pregnancy and labor to me. I would much rather do the labor any day, even though I ended up in a C-section, but postpartum was very rough. Was it harder for you to go to zero, to one, or one to two?
Speaker 1:Zero to one for sure, and I know that's not for everybody.
Speaker 2:but no, that's common answer that I get.
Speaker 1:Like I said, though, my kids are so different. Like crew is very strong willed, um, she is just so smart and just on it and we, like I said, we had a hard time with sleeping. That was our big thing. Um, and Wilder is just like the most kicked back baby in the world, like nothing phases him. He is just like my husband, through and through, like, so go with the flow. Yeah, so he's made I think he has made postpartum different for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the zero to one. I only have one. Is it changes your?
Speaker 1:entire life.
Speaker 2:And let me tell you, I thought I would have Ellie and I'd hold her in my arms and I would have all these feelings. I did not. I did not have one connection to her. They handed her to me eventually in the PACU, um, and I just looked at her and I was like what have I done? Like I was like I, it felt I felt guilty because I was like I don't feel this overwhelming. Like my husband felt it, yeah, but he got to hold her before me. I couldn't hold her for like a couple hours because I had the shakes, so I was too afraid and then I just did. I did not have a connection with her um for a few weeks, honestly. So he stayed home the first two weeks, I had the C-section and then when he went to work, I was terrified.
Speaker 2:I was like I don't know what to do. I can tell she doesn't like me, but she cried a lot more with me. Now I know it's because she could smell my milk. But I did not have those like in love feelings that I thought we were supposed to have and now, being out of it, I've had a lot more moms be like oh my gosh, same like I. A good friend of mine was like.
Speaker 2:It took me months before I really felt a connection like what people are talking about yes, and I think another thing um about postpartum is I realize I am a working mom. I am not. I am not put on this earth to be a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home moms have my utmost respect. It is not for me, and I think that's another thing that brings guilt, because I think we're as women we're supposed to like, have our babies, be in love and want to stay home, and I didn't. I I was like I'm ready to go back to work, like I'm ready to have adult interaction.
Speaker 2:Um, I had a really tough breastfeeding journey it. It was some really dark times, yeah. And then the four to seven month period where you feel like you should have it all together and the check-ins kind of slow down and you just feel like you should really be in this better place. And I wasn't. I was coming home from work and I was just crying because I and I was like why am I crying? Like I left my baby, but I was going, oh my God, like I'm in it for all night Like she's going to cry.
Speaker 2:What if she didn't sleep? And it was all this anxiety because you know babies don't come out with a schedule Right and it just postpartum rocked my world. It was a really dark time, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's kind of how I would get to, especially towards the nighttime, because, like I said she did not sleep, so it was like, as it would start getting closer to night I would get more and more anxious, like with it getting closer and knowing like I'm about to be up all night long and it's not that I was up alone, like it was.
Speaker 1:it took both of us, like it was both hands on deck kind of thing, like I was not not in this alone, but we were. We were just surviving, like not I would, I don't know that, I would even say surviving, like we were just getting by, getting by.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, and it was. It was hard. It was so hard and I think I went through a time. Like now, reflecting back, I didn't, in the moment, really see myself as having like postpartum anxiety or depression. Like I knew that I'd kind of had some anxiety, but also I was a first time mom and I kept putting that off to I'm just a mom now. Like are these feelings that I'm feeling Like I'm afraid she's going to die? All the time? Yeah, all the time. Like I put her in the car, I think she's going to die. I leave her with someone, she's going to grab something and choke on it. I like just constant, like just thoughts, and I would have so many people be like welcome to motherhood Welcome and I would have so many people be like.
Speaker 1:Welcome to motherhood, welcome to motherhood. And that is not true. That is not true. Like you should not be just paralyzed with that fear all the time, like at some point you have to put your trust in God that obviously you do your due diligence of not leaving small items around your kid, you put them in the car seat, you drive appropriately, you know, but like mine was almost to a crippling fear of like just constant that she was unsafe yeah um, and that's not normal, that is not normal.
Speaker 1:um, and then I also went through kind of a thing of realizing like, oh, like I am an adult, like I know, getting married, married. You think like, oh, I'm an adult, I'm married now, I'm doing my adult life. It was having a kid for me Like that.
Speaker 1:it was that realization for keeping this little thing alive, yes, and I was all of a sudden like I am no longer. I'm no longer a kid. I will never be like a kid again. I will never be like a kid again. I will never be a teenager again. I will never be in college again. I don't know what it was, but I went through like this thought of like whoa, like my life is changed. You know your life's gonna change well, it's, you lose your identity.
Speaker 2:Yes, sort of, and not in like. Yeah, not to downplay it's. You know, we carry them around for nine months. They're attached, they come out. We have this huge hormonal change. Yes, and my God, I was like crying at the drop of a hat.
Speaker 2:And my husband was very patient, was like honey, you think about your hormones Like and I. It was just one of the toughest times in my life, but I had no idea who I was and I was like is this just my life now? Am I just a mom? Is this what it is?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I felt guilty for those feelings too, cause I was like I don't like this, yeah, and I was like no, I went through treatment Like I wanted to be a mom, like I should be loving every second of it, and I'm here to tell you anybody that's has fertility like fertility problems it is okay not to enjoy postpartum. It is okay to have those feelings. It is okay to, in the moment, be like what do I get myself into? Because I had those thoughts.
Speaker 1:yeah, a lot yeah, a lot for me too. I feel like it wasn't that six weeks like it was it started like, maybe even like started, I feel like at three or four months, I think, like the first six weeks, and with crew it was soccer season. Which other coaches, wives, whatever, might understand like that. I was a single mom oh, I bet I had baby.
Speaker 1:And then it was soccer season and so, like even Jordan would be off of school, but you couldn't be out of school that day. He's a teacher, so he couldn't be out of school and coach at the game that night. So, even though, like the game was at 8 pm, like it would take him off the roster, wow. So he couldn't technically like take maternity leave. And again like maybe you're thinking like, oh, he could have given that up. Guys, maternity leave is nothing. I did not get a. I'm a nurse and I did not get a paid maternity leave.
Speaker 2:You didn't get a paid maternity leave.
Speaker 1:No, so um, he had to work, yeah, so yeah Um and that's a whole, nother a whole nother thing, but anyway, um so yeah, I feel like it was.
Speaker 2:I made it through that first, what I thought was postpartum, right, like that first three months and I was like I'm grand, I love this, like, and then that's kind of whenever it hit for me yeah, I think the her first year was the toughest year of my life and that's why I said earlier that first year I was like this is never gonna end, she's never gonna turn one, she's never gonna get older, this is gonna drag, because I hated it yeah.
Speaker 2:I loved her and watching her grow, but like the feelings that I felt you hated how you felt. Yes, like crying at the drop of a hat, getting anxious at night time because, okay, are we going to go through a regression? Is she going to sleep? Are we going to be cluster feeding? It was a lot, even in the beginning.
Speaker 1:I could only sleep maybe an hour and a half and I was still working. It didn't matter if they slept or not, you still have to go to work. In the beginning, I could only sleep maybe an hour and a half and I was still working. You were too, yeah, so like it didn't matter if they slept or not. You still have to go to work in the morning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, still have to go to work and then figure out who's going to watch them. Yeah, are they eating, are they?
Speaker 1:it's, and I felt guilty leaving her with people because she was difficult Really yeah, difficult Really, yeah. Yeah, my mother-in-law watched her um and she did great. You know, she knew and she's a mom of four boys. You know, like I didn't necessarily feel guilty like leaving her with, like my mother-in-law or my mom, but outside of them, like I couldn't leave her with a babysitter, really like for instance or an overnight or something.
Speaker 1:So it's like all of that went on them because it was so hard, like to keep her overnight. And then I felt guilty and like I had anxiety, attachment issues too, like even though I was going through all of that, like I said, like I just always had this fear that something was going to be wrong. So, like I, we even okay. So I remember we went to a Leigh Bryce concert.
Speaker 1:We tried to go to two concerts during her first year of life and I bawled my eyes out at both of them and we had to leave. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah it's, it's hard and it's like you go through all of that and you're like I just need some time away, like I just need to get out, I need some time away. And then I got away and then I felt so guilty about it.
Speaker 2:Oh, so guilty. I'm like no, I need to be at home, I don't need to be at this concert. Like, yeah, selfish, like who?
Speaker 1:am I to leave my baby? That is so selfish. Like she is three months old and I have left her like just feeling so selfish and you need that, like you need that time away with your husband. You need to reconnect with your husband. You need to go out with your girls and like have time with your girls, and that's so hard.
Speaker 2:Nothing changes your marriage more than a baby. And like those first few weeks I was like man, we are stronger than ever Like oh, I just couldn't do this without him. And then, as you know, she gets older it's tougher to connect it's. You know, you feel like you're just two ships passing in the night you just get into the same routine and yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:It can be tough on a marriage and I was just telling a friend of mine this sounds terrible, but I remember my life before her. You know, I think there are a lot of moms out there that was like I can't remember what I ever did without them. I can, I can, I still can, yeah, and you know, but yet I want more like I'm yeah, I like not to.
Speaker 1:This is just honest talk. Yeah, just honestly how we felt, and you know like this does not take away from how much we love our children. We love our children more than anything in the entire world it would do anything for them. We are just trying to be vulnerable and I know that if you're listening to this, you understand.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm saying all this because I wish more people would have talked about this side of postpartum. You know, when you tell someone you're going to have a baby, oh, you just wait. Like you'll never sleep again. Oh, just wait. Like welcome to motherhood. Or oh, just wait till we don't talk about, like, oh, just wait till, like you lay your eyes on them on the first timer. You know, eyes on them on the first timer, you know. Or just wait to this new version of you that there's going to be, because it's a completely new version. Yeah, but I wish more moms would have talked about.
Speaker 2:It's okay if you want to be a working mom. It is okay. That doesn't make you any less of a mom. It is okay if you are struggling or hate postpartum, obviously talk to your doctor. If you are really struggling, um, and it's okay if you know you don't want to breastfeed, or if you want a formula feed, like everything is okay and then eventually all works out. But as a first time mom, the pressure, oh. And then there's so much information out there you're like, yes, oh, like, should I do sleep schedule? What sleep schedule should I do? Like, should they be eating how much? And breastfeeding formula, like all the things. It all, it all works out. But I think my biggest advice is being open, because I was. I was so open with everyone around me and just having a support system. If the single moms out there don't have a support system, have somebody you can talk to, right, because the nights get lonely. You're gonna get frustrated, you're gonna get overstimulated which I get overstimulated is a thing I've never been overstimulated before, which I get overstimulated.
Speaker 1:Overstimulated is a thing I've never been overstimulated before. I was a mom.
Speaker 2:Oh, I get overstimulated and that makes me feel guilty too. So I'm like how come other people can do this and I can't? Yes, and that's another thing, but I think social media also highlights oh, we're at the park, we're just having the best time. Well, really, karen, because I've got a screamer and I haven't slept in three days and I feel like I'm failing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then leaving the park. Oh my, I'm always like we're not gonna do fun things if we can't leave with a happy face Like, oh my goodness. We went through a phase where every time we would leave somewhere, like go through a transition meltdown, the absolute meltdown in that it got me. It got me so bad like it would make me not want to go out and do things because just absolute meltdown.
Speaker 1:And then one time we were out just having a meltdown, trying to leave and another mom was like it is what it is, like you had a good time because there I was like we're not gonna come out again if we can't do this. She doesn't. She's 18 months old she doesn't understand.
Speaker 1:No yeah, yeah, and the mom was just kind of like just enjoy, like your time out, and then no one's judging you, like they all have meltdowns, like just you're fine, yeah, you know. Because then you're like, well, I don't want to be disciplining in public or I don't. You know, it's just embarrassing whenever your kid's freaking out. But I'm here to say that they all do that. They all do it and it does not make you a bad mom. No, if your kid is throwing a tantrum.
Speaker 2:So, whatever, whatever mom is listening on the other end, whether you're pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or maybe you're in the thick of postpartum, you are not alone. And it is like we said, okay To have those feelings of like what did I do, what am I? I can't tell you how many times I thought that. And then I was like, oh, that made me feel guilty. I wanted this. Remember I went through the shots and the pills and and you know, I had a hard time telling my friends because I was like no, I need to be grateful. Like yeah, oh, she's not sleeping, but I love it when, deep down, I was like she's not sleeping and I hate it yeah, yeah and there's no other way around it.
Speaker 2:I think if you are open it, you'll be met with understanding a lot more than you think, Cause there's going to be someone out there going. Oh, I felt that exact same way and you're going to make?
Speaker 1:Oh, really, yeah, and if you're met with a lot of advice, I just say, just respectfully say I don't need advice right now which can be overwhelming too.
Speaker 2:Yes, made a real, I think, when I was in the four to seven month postpartum and I made a video about motherhood, just like how check-ins slow down, just you don't have enough coffee and you're still not sleeping, and all the things and I was met with such um positive feedback. I was kind of scared. I was like, oh, people are going to ring me for this. But that grew another community of, oh my gosh, I feel this exact same way. I'm six months postpartum and I'm still like feeling like I should have it all together and you don't, right, and it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard, yeah, it's so hard. Yeah, and with crew, like I feel like people would try and give me so much sleeping advice and I'm like I have all the advice I need. Yeah, there's, like you said, like there's so much information. I have all the advice I need. Like I just need an ear, I think, and you know it's the best for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you don't want to do a sleep schedule, fine. If you want to rock, if you want to hold your baby every night, hold your baby every night, yeah, because you know what? There's not one adult out there that can't go to sleep without their mom rocking them. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you eventually grow out of it and you eventually learn to sleep on your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so do it, girl, absolutely Do it, because that's conflicting out. There it is.
Speaker 1:Cause you're like oh, I love it, I don't want her to get used to it.
Speaker 2:I don't want to tell other people that I'm doing it. Yeah, and now I just openly. I'm like, oh, I got her.
Speaker 1:She was crying at 2am and I brought her back to my bed cause I got to sleep, cause you got to do what you got to do, you do. Okay, we're going to shift a little bit and we've kind of talked about this a little bit. But last question I am so excited for this one, okay. Okay, we actually connected through social media.
Speaker 2:We think we have met prior to social media and we can't put our finger on it, um, but I'm grateful that we did so.
Speaker 1:Social media can be such a powerful tool in finding women, mothers and friends who just get it like we're talking about, um, and this season of motherhood we need community. You just like you've talked about is.
Speaker 1:You've built such a strong community. Your presence on social media is so refreshing. It's not about comparing, it's not about chasing lights. You truly use your platform to advance god's kingdom, to build real relationships and to share what you genuinely love. You're um. One of your things that you love is reading, and one of the things we've mutually connected on your book yeah, book club babe.
Speaker 1:Yes, we've connected on our mutual love of reading. Uh, so anytime I'm looking for like a new book rec, I always go to your page because you're always putting out something that you've read. You're like my go to book girl, so I need to know what are you reading, what do you love to read, what is your favorite read? And, guys out there, if you're a book girl too, you need to follow Kendall on Instagram at Kendall Welner. It's K-E-N-D-A-L-L-W-E-L-L-N-E-R. I'll link it in the show notes, but follow her. So, kendall, what are you reading?
Speaker 2:Well, right now I'm reading the Chase by Elle Kennedy. It's a little hockey romance in there. I am a romance or a thriller Same. Really I'm not into like. The only fiction I've been in into is Harry Potter. That's like a classic to me. But romance and thrillers are where I vibe and where I jam. Like I either want people to fall in love or I want someone to be murdered. Yeah.
Speaker 1:In the same way.
Speaker 2:There's no in between, and I think it's because it's such an escape from reality. But that is, I'm currently listening to it. Now I've gotten into audiobooks. Yeah, because I'm in this season of motherhood where I don't have time to sit down and read, and then when there is time to sit down, like I'm very tired or I need to hang out with Shelby, or you know want to do something else. So I've been listening to books and I've gotten into that, which is very surprising.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get you, because for so long I was like a physical book girl. Like I wouldn't even switch to a kindle, and then I switched to a kindle because it got cheaper for me because I was blowing through books. Oh my god me too and like, even with like my sister and my mother-in-law and like my couple friends that we would like share books still like just, we would be like, okay, you buy this book, I buy this book, you buy it still, we were going through it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if any physical book girlies are listening. Thriftbookscom it's like a gently used or brand new, um like bookstore online, but you get them so cheap.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because that's what I was doing, and my hard thing was is like whenever I got ready to want one, I wanted it now yeah, and so I amazonded, which is horrible, but I would be like I need it right now. Yeah and then. Yeah, I got Kindle Unlimited oh, and that's a life, life changer, life changer. I love it. And um, guys, this is probably against the rules, but I share my Kindle Unlimited account with people, so I love that you know.
Speaker 1:So then I'm like okay, we'll just all. What are we reading right now? Right, right, and then audiobook. I do love audiobook too, but were you always a reading girl?
Speaker 2:No, or did you?
Speaker 2:come into it, Pregnancy Okay same Pregnancy got me into reading. So actually I was seeing these clips on Instagram of this movie. I don't know if you've seen the movie or the series after no, it's a book series. But they made movies and I was like, well, this looks like a cute little love story. And so I found the first movie on Netflix. I was like I really love this. And somebody told me it was a book series. I was like, well, I want to read it. And I was like I want to read it.
Speaker 1:Who am I?
Speaker 2:But you know, it kind of came in handy because you have all those appointments. Yeah, read it, who am I? But you know it kind of came in handy because you have all those appointments, yeah, and you have to wait forever. Yeah, pregnancy, I tell you yeah, and then second trimester when I hit that fun.
Speaker 1:Um, what's the careful word I want to use here? Uh, your drive maybe goes up. Okay, yeah, so then, yeah, okay, got you. Yeah, so you just got into some romance.
Speaker 2:Well, I had no idea all the types of romances.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shelby's like so what are you reading? What are we reading now? Yeah, he's like can I do? You need some more money for your books.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, well, reading now. Yeah, he's like can I do you need some more money for your books? Yeah, yeah, well, that was a weird one for me, because I like remember calling my friend I was like I gotta tell you something really weird. I was like I'm I'm watching the after movies and I'm reading the book. She was like stop, right, there are you in the second trimester. And I was like yes, and she was like totally normal it's normal because I was like girl.
Speaker 2:I'm convinced I could move to London and this guy would fall in love with me and want to raise my baby. Like it was wild, how funny, but yeah pregnancy brought on the reading.
Speaker 1:Okay, same, I was the same way. I started with Colleen Hoover.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just, I was hooked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I read the after series and then I moved to Colleen Hoover. Yeah, and Ugly Love, oh that book still has a place in my heart. Yeah, so good. And then my thriller go to is Freed Macbeth yes, always.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too, except for the only one I really couldn't get behind was the teacher one.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, the only one I really couldn't get behind was the teacher one. I was like me.
Speaker 1:Oh, the only one I really couldn't get behind was, uh, the crash like her newest one? No, but I loved inmate. Was it the inmate?
Speaker 2:um house, the housemate the housemate, the inmate and never lie, are in like my top, yeah, five good, really good yeah, so after I got through a few romance books, then I switched to thriller while I was pregnant, and then I was just and I feel like the romance ones too.
Speaker 2:Like you know, they're gonna end well oh yeah, they're like easy, light-hearted reads if I'm ever in a slump like I either try to read a Frida book or go to like a sports romance or something like something that I know it's just like a light fun something?
Speaker 1:yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, I love that. What are you reading Right now? I'm reading the Bible, kendall. Okay. No, okay, I say that jokingly, but I'm doing the Bible recap.
Speaker 2:And like you said, like I, just I only have so much time.
Speaker 1:Like normally in the morning used to be like my time where I'd get up and I would like either listen to an audio book or read, and now I'm doing the Bible reading, so I'm trying to like use that time um so yeah, it obviously took away from my like reading time, so I'm not reading anything else currently and I need to, but I do love the Bible recap, if anybody has ever me too, it's like interested.
Speaker 1:It's very good yeah, it's the only thing. I feel like I've like stayed so consistent, and it's easy to stay consistent too, and I want to. Yeah, so it's like I say that I'm like giving up my read time, but I, I enjoy this. Yeah, so it's a good replacement, but I just don't. You know, I don't have a lot of extra free time yeah so I don't know I need to. I need to take some time to read a book now do you have the Bible app?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do that every morning before I do social media. Yeah, like I'll get on and I share the Bible verse of the day every day and then I'll read like my Bible plan. But yeah, I decided to share like the verse of the day Cause I was like there might be somebody out there that like doesn't know the Bible or doesn't have access to the Bible.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I wanted to be that like yeah light.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I always see it and I'm like oh, I know that.
Speaker 2:I saw that this morning too girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I love it. I love that you do that too, because I'm noticed and I like it. Okay, Kendall, thank you. Thank you for having me. It was so fun. This is our first time meeting in person too.
Speaker 2:Well, we think I swear we've met.
Speaker 1:I still don't know how, I don't know. We're thinking that it was maybe college.
Speaker 2:Possibly yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know See we don't know. I don't know If anyone is out there and they are mutual friends of us and and you're like you know you guys know each other. Taylor, if you're listening, did we meet through you? I can't remember. Please tell us, because we're at a loss. But thank you for coming and sharing and being so open um your story, your strength, your faith. All of it is such a gift. Uh, not just me, but everyone out there listening and everyone that you touch and you reach.
Speaker 1:We're're so grateful. I'm so grateful to have connected with you and even more to call you a friend. Yes, thank you so much for the way you show up for your family, your faith in this community, mama's out there. I definitely encourage you to follow Kendall on Instagram. She's never lacking, like I said in the book, wrecks, the laughs and the encouragement you can find at kendall wellner on instagram. It's at k-e-n-d-a-l-l, w-e-l-l-n-e-r. I'll link it in the profile in the show notes. But I love you, girl. Thanks for being here, love you thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:That was so fun, that was.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
