Let Go and Let God: Navigating C-Section, Breastfeeding, and Setting Boundaries with Libby Gendron

Motherhood transforms us in unexpected ways—sometimes humbling us right when we think we've got it all figured out. That's exactly what happened to Libby Gendron, dental hygienist, wife to her high school sweetheart, and first-time mom to her adorable son Xander.

In this heartfelt conversation, Libby shares how she went from confidently believing she was "made to be a mom" to the humbling reality of actually becoming one. With remarkable vulnerability, she takes us through her traumatic emergency C-section birth story—a harrowing experience where her son's umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and through his legs, leading to dangerous complications. The story is a powerful testament to a mother's strength and the importance of surrendering to circumstances beyond our control.

Libby's journey through breastfeeding reveals another transformation—from painful struggles to what she describes as her "superpower," allowing her to calm her son in any situation. She speaks with refreshing honesty about the rewards and challenges, describing how something she initially found difficult became one of her most treasured connections with her son.

Perhaps most compelling is Libby's passionate perspective on boundaries and intentional parenting. Drawing from her own childhood experiences, she explains why protecting her son fiercely matters so much to her—even when it creates tension with family members who don't understand. Her approach to everything from food choices to screen time reflects a thoughtful, researched parenting style that puts her child's wellbeing first.

Throughout the episode, Libby returns to her guiding principle: "Let go and let God." This simple yet profound mantra has helped her manage anxiety, find peace in uncertainty, and embrace the beautiful chaos that is motherhood. Whether you're a new mom in the trenches or a seasoned parent looking for solidarity, Libby's authentic perspective will remind you that you're not alone on this wild, wonderful journey.

Connect with Libby on Instagram for more glimpses into her motherhood journey and check out her cooking page for family-friendly recipe inspiration! ⬇️

https://www.instagram.com/cookinwlib?igsh=MTdwbDYyd3QxaG1xNQ==

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XO, Alexis Schmoker

Mama of the Wild Crew 

📸: A heartfelt thank you to Jordan Allen of Cr00ked Teeth Photography for capturing this stunning cover photo.

Transcript

Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew

Alexis Schmoker 0:06

Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the podcast where we embrace the messy, wild, beautiful journey of motherhood together.

Alexis Schmoker 0:15

I'm your host, alexa Schmoker, mama of two beautiful kiddos, wife, nurse and lover of Jesus. Motherhood is full of hard moments, unexpected chaos and those days where you just really don't have it all together. But in the midst of it all, there is so much joy. On this podcast, we're diving into the real, honest conversations about motherhood the challenges, the triumphs and everything in between. We'll hear the stories of incredible moms from all walks of life, share wisdom, laughter and let's be real probably a few tears, and we're going to discover how to embrace the joy in this chaos. So, whether you're rocking a baby to sleep, folding that never-ending pile of laundry or sneaking away for a quiet moment with your coffee, welcome, mama. You're not alone here. Hit, subscribe and join me on this wild adventure of motherhood. I can't wait to do this journey with you. Hey Wild Crew Mamas, and welcome back to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, a space where we hold real, raw conversations about motherhood, identity, faith in the joy and chaos that comes with it.

Alexis Schmoker 1:30

Today I'm talking to someone who brings authenticity. I guess I just can't talk today, libby I was already stuttering before we started this Humor and heart into everything she shares. Libby Gendron, I said it. Libby is a wife, first-time mama to her sweet son Xander, a dental hygienist and an amazing cook I love all your cooking stuff. She's passionate about living intentionally, protecting what matters most and speaking honestly about the highs and lows of motherhood. Libby is not afraid to challenge cultural norms, protect her son fiercely and she shares openly about her journey through faith, her birth trauma and the joy in the everyday. I'm so excited to have her here and dive into a conversation that's real and refreshing. Hi, libby, I miss you. We haven't seen each other in probably. Has it been 10 years, almost 10 years, probably, yeah, probably. That is so wild and I love seeing you as a mom. So let me tell us a little bit about yourself and your little life.

Libby Gendron 2:29

Yeah, so I live in New Hampshire. I have grown up in New England. My whole life Spent a little bit of time in Maine. When I was younger, I went to college here. My husband and I met when we were in high school and started dating when we were in high school, which, as I said before, makes me cringe as much as it makes me, I like heart, completely burst with happiness. Um, and yeah, we did long distance for a little bit when he went to school, which is where Alexis and I met, and then we both moved home or I stayed at home.

Libby Gendron 3:09

So I originally was going to go to school to become a doctor. I got into a pre-med program down in Boston and, like at the very last minute, I pulled out of it, decided to stay home, changed my total trajectory and am now a dental hygienist. So I commuted to college, lived at home, saved a lot of money and Eric was in Hartford, connecticut, so I would go when I could on the weekends to visit and watch him play ball and stuff. And then, um, he moved home and I think it was like seven or eight months, maybe even a little more, nine months after he graduated.

Libby Gendron 3:53

We moved in together, lived together for a few years, got engaged, got married, um, and then got pregnant right after we got married, which was not part of our plan, but part of God's plan, yeah and uh, yeah. So then, literally, uh, 10 months after we got married, we had Xander. Yeah, then, um, we bought a house and we moved when I was 37 weeks pregnant, which was insane. And here we are living out in the country I call it in Ware, new Hampshire, and, yeah, that's pretty much it. I still work part time, so I clean teeth, I'm a dental hygienist and Eric works. He commutes over an hour to work, which is definitely a struggle, but he loves his job and he's an engineer, and we are just doing our best out here as first time parents.

Alexis Schmoker 4:59

Oh, I love to see it.

Libby Gendron 5:00

It's so fun to see you guys like, as a married couple, parents, because we've been through those so many seasons together, you know, and you've seen us at a very different season than we are now.

Libby Gendron 5:15

Well, you just grow and evolve, like together and as people and that's so cool Like yeah, no, definitely, and I think that's like one of the greatest things about like our love story is that we've been so many different people. We we've loved each other at so many different times in our lives, which could definitely like make or break people. You know, and we grew we essentially grew up together. We were 14 and 15 when we met or when we started dating, and we now 28 and 29.

Alexis Schmoker 5:45

yeah, it's crazy that's so crazy, that's so cool. Okay, we'll dive in. So you know that. The question of the podcast um, we you know that mom fail always. I literally have so many I can't even, I cannot even.

Libby Gendron 6:02

There's always something that happens, yeah so what's funny is oh my god there. So this is like living in the country. There's a dog at my porch right now. Literally this is called living in the country. Hello, doggy dog. Not sure whose dog, that is not sure where he's back on his way down.

Libby Gendron 6:23

Um, that happens anyways. Mom fail. So I was thinking about this and, first of all, if you ask most people, they would say I am type a, and I think I would agree with that in a lot of circumstances. But becoming a mom has made me type B in places that I never thought that I would be a type B person. Yeah, and so I feel like personally, as a mom, I'm a type B mom.

Libby Gendron 6:56

Like I forget stuff all the time. I will like go out to eat and we don't have a bib for Xander and I'm like tucking napkins into him and like that's a mom fail to some, but like to me it's just a regular day. But I have two mom fails to share, actually, because these happen on a regular basis with me. So, um, earlier this week I was moving furniture in my living room and I was moving a coffee table and I didn't realize that Xander was behind me and I picked up the coffee table and turned around and not only knocked him over with it but got him in the eye and he had like a bruise and a cut by his eye. So so that's one mom fail. Everyone's like what happened to him.

Alexis Schmoker 7:47

Yeah, and they're like oh, I just hit him with a coffee. I don't know what happened.

Libby Gendron 7:50

He must have fell, and so that one was pretty bad, that I felt really bad about that. But today so it's been really rainy and cold here in New England and today is like the first nice day in a really long time and I was just so excited to take Xander outside. He loves being outside and so I like put him in a little romper and we went outside and we were playing with his water table and just running around and stuff and I brought him in and he has his first sunburn, because I didn't think to put sunscreen on him, because I've never put sunscreen on him. I have it, but last summer. Like they say, don't put sunscreen on babies till they're like what, four or six months old or something like that. So he's a May baby and so I never put sunscreen on him last summer and I just didn't even think about it. Today I was just like excited to be outside with him and so, yeah, he has his first sunburn.

Alexis Schmoker 8:49

Yeah, no, I, I like it. Okay, you did the opposite because I didn't know you weren't supposed to put sunscreen on babies.

Libby Gendron 8:55

I remember you telling, or you posted about it, or you told me about it and it was me and my sister and we were.

Meet Libby: First-Time Mom's Journey

Alexis Schmoker 9:02

We went to the gathering place, which is like a big park here, and I'm thinking, you know, like I'm super fair, I get sunburned all the time, so I'm like a sunscreen person to survive. So I'm like, okay, yeah, we're going out on a walk Like we've got to put sunscreen on our babies. So here I go, like lathering them up. They are losing it, like screaming, and there's people around and now looking back, they're probably looking at us like what are you doing? Like these are they were probably four weeks old, I'm not even kidding Like they were babies. And here we are, like lab, they are screaming their faces.

Libby Gendron 9:34

And your sister too, cause her baby is what Like three days older yeah, same age.

Alexis Schmoker 9:40

So they are losing their minds, like I like sitting you both didn't know. Oh no, no we both didn't know yeah and so, yeah, I learned, I learned and they ended up being fine and I think they were just like yeah, from like us put putting it on because it was yeah, I'm screaming, I got like the natural baby you know, it's like rub it in so much too yeah, well, and now we do like that.

Alexis Schmoker 10:07

I got the beauty blender that I like will dab it I saw that or whatever, and that makes it easier. But yeah, that was bad and they streamed the whole walk. We're like what in the world? Oh my gosh. I know people had to have been like what are they doing? And here we are no one said anything.

Alexis Schmoker 10:29

That's like first time mom stuff, though you know like you gotta learn somehow, and if there's no one to tell you, then well, we like sent a video to my mom like they're screaming, and she's like, oh my gosh, like are they having a reaction? And I'm a nurse too. I didn't that, didn't even.

Libby Gendron 10:44

I didn't think about it like that thought didn't even cross my mind we're just thinking I'm protecting my baby from the sun and here I am taking my baby outside, not even thinking about it.

Alexis Schmoker 10:56

You just never know. You know, we all just be making mistakes but it's fine.

Libby Gendron 11:00

You just learn as you go, like that's the thing about motherhood and I think that you know I am the first of a lot of my friends to have a baby and there are so many things that are so overwhelming and just you overthink them and you think they're so serious. And then, once you cross the path, or once it comes time to get over whatever it is that you've been worried about, you're like wait, it's not that serious, right, like OK, people say don't put sunscreen on your baby until they're four months old, your baby didn't die, your baby didn't end up in the hospital or something over, something like it's fine, you know, and you have to learn as you go and give yourself so much grace and I'm still working on that and, again, like I was saying, you know most people especially. So I guess I will say like I'm very type a when it comes to my job and my house and I'm really trying to work on not being type a when it comes to my house, because I'm a neat freak when it comes to my house and I really have to like let it go. So that's something that I'm working on, yeah, um, but you know, there are certain things that you, just you, you learn to just let it roll off your shoulder and then it becomes like a part of your personality. You know what I mean.

Libby Gendron 12:30

And again, like at work, I'm very type A when I clean people's teeth. I'm very thorough when I'm educating them and um, but in turn, when you become a mom, you just you have to, you just have to let certain things go and give yourself so much grace and it's not that serious If you save and your baby save and you have a roof over your head and food in their bellies, you're good, you're good. Serious, it's not serious. And that's what I always like tell myself. And you know what. I'm super lucky that I went into this being such a type A person and being really like, uptight and controlling. And I have someone like Eric who's very laid back and, like you know Eric, like he's very go with the flow, so he he definitely grounds me a lot, which is awesome yeah, oh, definitely we're the same way because Jordan is like just so chill.

Alexis Schmoker 13:32

I'm very type people like me and you need that, but then you're. I'm kind of the same way, though. Like I feel type a at work and everything, but even when it comes to like organizing stuff, I am not like great at like. If I do the dishwasher, jordan will lose his mind because I load the dishwasher horrendously Like you know, just like random stuff where I'm like that too, and like everyone has their own little thing.

Libby Gendron 13:58

you know, like there are certain things that like tiny little things that you know that your partner, like it, gets to them so you have to be mindful of it and you're like okay, jordan really cares about the dishwasher being loaded a certain way, so either I need to do it the way that he wants or I need to step back and he can do it, you know. So you need to find the common ground and I think that's huge in marriage and parenthood anyways is that there's give and take to literally everything your careers, your home life, your parenting styles.

Libby Gendron 14:33

Like, if you look at how Eric was raised and how I was raised, that has been like a very big. It's not even like um, tension or anything like that. It's just like he was raised one way. I was raised another way. He's a great human. I'm a great human.

Libby Gendron 14:52

How do we, how do we like mesh that, like, how do we mix that together? You know? Yeah, so I think that I think that's like a big lesson too, and I'm always telling my friends like my best friend right now is pregnant with her first baby, and I'm literally like I'll just think of random things and I'm like it'll be from something like hey, put this on your registry. Or hey, take this off your registry Cause I have it and I'll just give it to you Cause I didn't use it.

Libby Gendron 15:17

Or hey, this is a conversation that you guys should have, that I wish I had. Or you know that you guys should have that I wish I had. Or you know I'm thinking of this like these are the wipes that I use and I have sensitive skin and you have sensitive skin. So like, make sure this is what you you know what I mean. Like you're in things like that. Um so yeah, I mean it's, it's all such like once you become a parent, I feel like there's just so much that you have to like relearn and then obviously learn from the like.

Alexis Schmoker 15:48

In general, you know, oh yeah, absolutely OK, and that kind of leads us into you've. You've kind of mentioned that you felt like motherhood has always been a calling for you, even long before you became a mom. So can you take us a little deeper into that? What did that? How did you carry that dream and how was the reality of motherhood just surprising and challenging, and how did it transform you?

Libby Gendron 16:10

Um, I will start that question off with um, motherhood has humbled me in ways that I never thought imaginable. I guess, or would like, I never thought it would humble me and, um, I guess I never thought it would humble me in certain ways. So let me get into that a little bit. So I, um, I always knew that I wanted to be a mom and um, I am. I come from a broken family, but I also am very lucky from the family that I come from. My parents divorced when I was super young. They're best friends. I've never spent a Christmas without both of my parents and I still like right now. My dad moved in with us. That's a whole other part that we can talk about later if we want to. Um, so my dad lives with us and my mom was here the other day, yesterday, like hanging out with me, and Xander, my dad, was here. They hug, they talk like, they text each other, they call each other like. I'm very, very lucky in that sense. Um, so I grew up like, very loved, in a very, I guess, um different type of like broken, divorced family dynamic than most people have. Um, I never, I never, um, I never felt not loved or not wanted or pulled in one direction or pulled in another direction, like you got to pick between mom and dads and whatever. Um, I never felt that way and I grew up with really, really great parents and we didn't have a lot and I just always, I always had a roof over my head, I always my parents, always parents, always like if I wanted to do something, they made ends meet, they came together, they did things for my brother and I, um, and they, they made it happen, no matter what. And I saw that from a very young age and I think that I understood it from a very young age because I had a lot of friends that had parents that were together and I still had all the same things as them, if that makes sense, and I think that that, to me, was just huge. And that was kind of when I like, when I started to realize that I didn't have to be different than my friends that had parents that were together, I realized that, like I could be a great mom, no matter what, no matter if I end up with Eric, no matter if I end up by myself, no matter like, no matter what. It was like I was going to be a mom and I was going to put forth the love that was given to me into another being. However, it was whether I got pregnant, whether I adopted a baby, like I just always knew in the back of my mind. That was just always there.

Mom Fails: Coffee Tables and Sunburns

Libby Gendron 19:11

And then, when I was in high school, I wanted to become a doctor and wanted to be in the medical field. And one thing that made me change my trajectory, when I was supposed to go to school in Boston to become a doctor and go on the pre-med route, that's a big, that's a really big thought to have. And that's like you know, I was dating my high school sweetheart, of course, at the time, but that's a really big thought. That's a heavy thought to have, because that's not what people are thinking about when they're seniors in high school going to college, and I think that that just like really resonated with me, that like that's what I was thinking about, because in the long term, I knew I wanted to work and I knew I wanted to have a career and I knew I wanted to make something of myself, but I also knew I wanted to be a mom and that was a big reason why I changed my trajectory um to the dental hygiene field.

Libby Gendron 20:27

But I, I just I've always been nurturing, like I loved babysitting growing up. I love kids. I gravitate towards my cousin's kids. My brother has an eight-year-old daughter who I've known for obviously eight years and has been a big part of my life and his life and yeah, like my cousins having kids and stuff, I've just always resonated towards the kids. I've always been the type of person and like people can hand me a baby and I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but people can hand me a baby and like the baby calms down or the baby is super comfortable with me and that's like always been something. Yeah, baby whisperer, like that's been something. Um, so I feel like it's just literally been a part of me and it's been something that's been in the back of my head forever.

Libby Gendron 21:18

Um, and then again, like I got pregnant super fast after getting married and, like I said earlier, like wasn't really a part of our plan, it was a part of God's plan that it happened that way. Um, and I don't regret it for a single second. And I it was a little bit of a surprise and we didn't get to go on a honeymoon, but like would I trade a honeymoon for my son? Absolutely not, um, but yeah, so it's just always been. It's just always been in the back of my mind. And then it happened and I remember like I loved being pregnant. I absolutely adored it. Um, I was like knock on wood. I had a really easy pregnancy. I hope every pregnancy, god willing, in the future is like that, um, but I had a really easy pregnancy. I hope every pregnancy, god willing, in the future is like that, um, but I had a. Really I love being pregnant. I had a really easy pregnancy.

Libby Gendron 22:13

I um did not have an easy delivery, but once I got Xander home, I was like I was made to do this and then, like it hits you like an 18 wheeler Mack truck, um, and you have no idea what you're doing and you feel like the hormones obviously are such a different ball game, but you literally like I had no idea I was. I thought that I was like made to be a mom and you know what, maybe I am, maybe I was like I can look back a year later and say that, um, but at the time I was like, oh my god, I can't believe. I thought that like this was gonna come easy and like I knew how to do all of this just because I babysat, and babies like me, and you know what I mean. So, um, it humbles you in the best way possible and you learn so much about yourself. I think you can relate to that for sure.

Alexis Schmoker 23:06

Yeah, oh, definitely it like changes your perspective about everything, everything.

Libby Gendron 23:12

It makes you think about any little thing. You do you know so, but yeah, I think it comes from. I think that my wanting to be a mom has come from having an amazing mom myself being around a lot of amazing moms having that just natural instinct. I would say that some people have, but then you have a baby and you're like what instinct you know you're like well what?

Alexis Schmoker 23:52

what was I thinking Um? But yeah, I love how you put that, cause I I know exactly what you're saying, like it humbles you so much, but I've never heard someone say that, like say it in that manner. I love that. It's such a great perspective because man is so true, yeah.

Libby Gendron 24:03

Yeah, I mean you are made to be a mom 're an amazing mom, but I know what you mean, like whenever you feel that you're like no, I mean, and everyone has those days where you're just like, oh my gosh, what did I do? Or like what did I get myself into? Or like you know, you had a frustrating day, and you go to bed and you're like I miss them, like why was I frustrated today?

Libby Gendron 24:26

You know, and it's also being in tune with yourself and just trying to balance everything which we're always doing as moms.

Alexis Schmoker 24:35

Oh yeah, you've got to keep yourself like happy and healthy because that overflow is so important and if you don't have yourself checked and yourself right like there is nothing to absolutely for your children or what they are overflowing, isn't the best of you that you want to be giving them. No totally so important and finding that like balance and time to do so is hard, but it's so needed oh, absolutely.

Libby Gendron 25:01

I mean even like carving out date nights and stuff like do you and Jordan get to do that?

Alexis Schmoker 25:07

It's. It's tough to do that, but you just have to. I feel like it's harder right now because, you know, not like trying to figure out to, because it used to be easier just to get a babysitter and I had to like convince someone to watch two people, you know. But I think that we've realized that with crew, after going through crew, it's like you have to do that and I would feel guilty like even spending money on a babysitter to go out or having grandparents watch. But I think, like mom guilt played into it a lot.

Libby Gendron 25:40

Yeah.

Alexis Schmoker 25:40

True, and now that I've I'm a little bit more removed from just like the newborn stage and the young year stage and we have like gone on trips or done stuff together. I see like how vital that is and it's not a time for me to like feel guilty about not being with my kid, like because it's it's important for Jordan and I to have our own time.

Libby Gendron 26:03

I mean, obviously I know that your parents live nearby, but do Jordan's as well like, do you guys have family?

Alexis Schmoker 26:08

like yes we are so lucky to have family, so his parents live like 15 minutes away and his mom's really like our kids. Primary caregiver oh, that's awesome, so she watches them while we're at work and it's great. And we have cousins like all around.

Alexis Schmoker 26:23

So he's the youngest of four and then I have, you know, two sisters yeah so so many cousins, and we both have our parents and we've got like great friends around too that watch. And then you know, he coaches and teaches high school, so we've got a lot of good high school girlies yeah, that's awesome that babysit so yeah, no, that's so awesome and definitely have to hook up with babysitters and people about you guys.

Alexis Schmoker 26:49

That's so awesome but I think it's like choosing to make that time though, too oh for sure, and not feeling guilty about it, like not feeling guilty about it, you have to, you have to prioritize it and

Libby Gendron 27:02

also, like you know, at the end of the day, when you think about it, like don't you want crew and wilder to see like their parents prioritizing each other and like happy and in love, and like going on dates and mommy getting dressed up and you know, daddy brings home flowers every once in a while like I I feel like that's important too for kids to see. And like even like we're getting to the phase right now with Xander that um, he's like learning how to blow kisses and give kisses and stuff, and he thinks it's really funny when Eric kisses me and like sometimes he like wants to join in. So like I think he's like, if he wants to join in, like we literally like pick him up and like do a three-way kiss. Three-way kiss, how cute. But, like you know, kids need to see that. You know.

Libby Gendron 27:47

And again, I came from I don't remember. I have like very few memories of my parents being together and happy. Um, I don't have any memory of my parents like when, when they were actually together, like hugging or kissing or anything they do, they like hug each other. Now, like whenever they see each other. Literally my mom was over yesterday and my dad like he's like, oh, I gotta go take a shower because your mom's coming over and like hugged her and stuff when she came in and you know they joke with one another and yeah my mom's like actually engaged now and um, but yeah, and like my mom came over and like showed us all her ring for the

Libby Gendron 28:29

first time and, like my dad, I hadn't told her, my dad, that, uh, my mom's boyfriend had proposed. And I was like dad, look at mom's ring. And he was like, oh my god, kim, that's beautiful, like that's awesome, you know, and that's you, you know, and that's you know. But again, I never saw any intimacy, appropriate intimacy, um, with my own parents, and I feel like it's it's important for kids to see that, like, on a certain level, you know, like just see that your parents love each other and like show each other affection, and you know so, um, we try, and we try and do that here and there in front of xander that is cute.

Alexis Schmoker 29:08

I saw someone post the other day and I feel like it was someone from trinity that their kid like was playing at school or something with like a mommy and daddy figure, and they were like pretending like they were kissing, and I was like that's so cute, though, and they'd post like I guess, a good job, you know, because that's that's what you want them to see is like kissing and loving each other. Exactly, and like what healthy love looks like.

Libby Gendron 29:33

Exactly, and I didn't grow up with that and I won't speak much on, you know, my parents and their, their whole thing but I definitely saw things that a young child shouldn't have seen, you know, and um boundaries or and that's where boundaries become really important to me Um, but I definitely saw things that I shouldn't have seen as like a young child and they were not good examples of love. I guess I'll just leave it at that and I think, again, it's just important to one set boundaries and to show that love and make it normalized, you know, to a certain extent.

Emergency C-Section Birth Story

Alexis Schmoker 30:17

Yeah, absolutely. Wild Crew Mamas, some super exciting news. If you're like me, these days any day is a hat day. Literally probably every day is a hat day, and we have two new hats for Mama of the Wild Crew podcast. I am so excited, and huge shout out to my sister-in-law, bree, over at Schmokey Designs, for taking these ideas and bringing them to life. We have Mama of the Wild Crew podcast hat and we also have the cutest hat. It says motherhood is my ministry and ain't that the truth, guys, head on over to our Instagram at Mama of the Wild Crew underscore podcast, dm me or comment on one of the posts and let us know that you want your hat today. Okay. So, libby, we have talked before about your birth story. You kind of mentioned like you had a rough birth and I remember you going through that. Oh my gosh, it was crazy. Okay, so would you be willing to walk us through that experience and what it's taught you?

Libby Gendron 31:27

just about you know your strength April 30th and he was born on May 2nd. So I did, I ended up actually doing technically I don't know how it varies from state to state and your nurse, so I don't know how it varies like in your hospital or anything like that but I I did an elective induction so I worked like up until the very end. So Xander was born on a Thursday and I worked up until the previous Thursday, so like one week before, and I was so miserable, I was so swollen, I was working 40 hours and four days every single week. I was just done. And so in the state of New Hampshire at least you can elect to induce at 39 weeks and your insurance will still cover it. Hands off.

Libby Gendron 32:40

And Eric is also very like anti-doctor, anti-hospital, anti, like all medicine, basically like he won't even take a Tylenol if he has a headache, uh, which God bless him. Like it's not a bad quality to have, um. So I called the hospital and I was like, hey, if there's any like open spots for an induction, let me know. And this was before my due date, I think. I think I was like hey, if there's any like open spots for an induction, let me know, and this was before my due date. I think I think I was due on a Tuesday and I think I called on that Saturday and told them that and they were like, yeah, we'll put you on the list.

Libby Gendron 33:14

And, um, I had also had some complications during uh, pregnancy. Just so, like I had to wear a heart monitor from, I believe, like 35 to 37. I was supposed to wear it till 38 weeks and because my heart rate was crazy, insane, like I would be sitting down at work cleaning teeth and my Apple watch would go off and it was like your heart rate is 150. And so I had super, super high heart rate and um, ended up going getting seen by a cardiologist. They put a heart rate monitor on me, but it also just felt very uh I don't know the right word to use Um, it just didn't feel like anyone actually was super worried about me or like they really cared, so it wasn't my like. Oh my, my OB told me go to your PCP, and so I went to my PCP and they put this heart rate monitor on me and it was like a mail-in thing. So, like I got, I went to my PCP, they put on me, they gave me the instructions, whatever, but when I took it off it had to be mailed in and then it took three weeks to be read, which at that point I would have been, I would have already had given birth, so, like, even if I went past 40 weeks. So I was kind of like what was the point of this? Like you didn't even tell me it was going to take three weeks to be read by someone. So once I found that out, I was kind of annoyed by it. And then also you had to charge it like every few days, so I would take it off, and then, like I couldn't get it to connect back and there was only so many pieces of tape that they gave you. So I was just annoyed, super pregnant, very annoyed, yeah. And they ended up calling me for my follow-up and I had already had Xander. So I was like this was so stupid that was not worth it to do, um, but so they called me.

Libby Gendron 35:21

I was at Market Basket, which is a New England grocery store, if you know. You know, um, I was at Market Basket grocery shopping and they called me and they were like we have a spot tomorrow morning. So that's how it goes. I don't know if that's how it goes at your hospital too, but that's kind of how it goes. Like they tell you like hours before so uh, luckily I was grocery shopping, so I'd come home to groceries and, um, I called Eric and I was like they have a spot for us to get induced tomorrow. They'll call us like first thing in the morning, tell us when to come, blah, blah, blah. So I come home. We kind of it was kind of a I don't know.

Alexis Schmoker 36:00

You obviously didn't get induced with crew, but I ended up getting induced, yeah, with both of them actually, because, yeah but did you know that you were getting induced?

Alexis Schmoker 36:10

well, cruz was like an emergency kind of thing. Um, she was, she was in distress, so like we had to get induced. And then, yeah, that was a whole fun. Yeah, with wilder and I was almost 41 weeks, so you knew you were getting induced. Yes, I knew I like scheduled it, but with wilder I wanted to schedule that 39 weeks and then my doctor went on vacation.

Libby Gendron 36:35

Oh, so you waited. Oh yeah, you can schedule it at 39 weeks though um, but I I would have, depending on if I knew what was going on, I would have waited if I had to, like you did for a specific doctor. Um, so we, yeah, so like that night before, when you know you're getting induced, I feel like it's just kind of crazy and you feel so weird and you're like, yeah, like you can't sleep and like you're trying to like do things and like get things ready.

Alexis Schmoker 37:04

And then like 3 am To do? You have to be there at like 3 am.

Libby Gendron 37:08

We had to be there at five.

Alexis Schmoker 37:09

Oh yeah, you have to get to the hospital at three, so it's like, do you even?

Libby Gendron 37:14

Yeah, like, what do you do?

Libby Gendron 37:15

You don't even go to bed. I didn't sleep that night, so we go. And you know, I had heard stories about being induced and, like you know, once you get induced, like it takes forever, especially if you're a first time like pregnant person, first time mom, whatever. And so I started progressing super quick and I was very lucky One of my very best friends that I grew up with, olivia her shout out Deb she is a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital that I delivered at and I had called or texted my friend Olivia and I was like, hey, I'm on my way to the Elliott, which is the hospital that I delivered at. Um, is your mom on today? And she was like, yes, she's like starting shift right now. And so I was like, tell her I'm coming, like I'm having a baby, whatever, like. So I actually got on and it was dead that day in the hospital, which all the nurses were like we don't ever say this because, like, once we say this you know, as a nurse, I'm sure you've heard it once you say it's been dead, like things get crazy. And they were like it's dead in maternity, and so, um, I was super lucky to have someone that I literally grew up with um, helping me and uh. So they break my water by like 10 am and I'm just like progressing and they keep asking me do you want an epidural, do you want an epidural? And this is at like 11 am noon and I am just chilling. I am, I didn't want to have any. Um, I didn't.

Libby Gendron 38:55

I went into it with a birth desire which, for anyone listening, that is what I tell all of my friends you do not go in with a birth plan, you go in with a birth desire. So you have a list of all of these things that you desire to happen. Um, I never called it a birth plan and I think that, mentally, for someone who, prior to becoming a mom, was super type a, is very important because, as we know, um, things just don't always go according to plan. So my desire was to not have any um epidural, not have any uh, and again, I don't know how they do it in Oklahoma, but like uh, for some women they basically do like fentanyl if they need it. Um, and I was open to nitrous. That was kind of the only thing that will going into it I was open to was nitrous. Um, so you know, they they do. They start up a toast and drip later and, um, I'm just, I was just progressing, I was doing great, I was on, was doing great, I was on the ball, I was in the bath, uh, celtics were um in the in playoffs so we were watching the Celtics.

Libby Gendron 40:14

That night rolls around. I've been in labor for, uh, I think I was in labor total for 14 hours by 9 PM in active labor for like maybe five, and they kept asking me like, do you want epidural? And I was like, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. So Eric and I are literally just hanging out. Um, I did by, I think 10 PM, I asked for some nitrous, for some nitrous, and so I started using the nitrous which, um, they were very, they were very strict about it.

Libby Gendron 40:55

But once I told them so I hold a nitrous oxide um license myself so I know how to titer nitrous oxide Um. So they weren't super um the I don't know the good word, a good word for it they weren't like very like on my case about it, because I knew I knew how to use it. So they told me like, hey, we don't allow pregnant people to go above. I think it was like a five on the nitrous level, and so I was like fine, totally fine, whatever, I don't want to do that here I've never heard of anyone having nitrous Like so I didn't hear about it either and it kind of freaked me out because, again, I hold the nitrous license and I know what nitrous can do to you.

Libby Gendron 41:33

But because it's such a fast in, fast out drug it really doesn't affect the baby at all. Um, but it makes a huge difference during contraction. So basically, like they, you don't have to have the nurse in it when you're when you're using it. So if you weren't someone like myself that didn't have any knowledge on nitrous, they would come in. They would set you up with two gas tanks obviously the oxygen, the nitrogen and give you the mask. They would like tighter it for you and then you like you can take the mask. They would like tighter it for you and then you like you, can take the mask on and off. So once you're having a contraction you put the mask on. When you feel the contraction coming, they say to put the mask on like 20 seconds before, because it takes like 10 or 15 seconds for it to hit you, and as soon as the contractions over, you take it off. Also, again, I know how to read the heart rate monitors and stuff so I could also see like when a contraction was coming. They also can tell people that it's not that hard to read when a contraction is going to come in a good pattern with contractions. So we were doing that.

Libby Gendron 42:37

It was going great, 3am rolls around. So I'm like eight centimeters dilated and 3 am rolls around and I was definitely very uncomfortable and the doctor or the nurse is like, hey, just so you know, the anesthesiologist is on the floor right now. It would be a good time to get an epidural if you want one. And so in my head I'm like you know, I I don't want one. But now I'm kind of thinking about I'm getting really uncomfortable in eight centimeters. I'm considering it. I said can you leave? And can me and Eric have a moment? And she's like yeah, absolutely so she leaves. I'm like just come back in like 15, 20 minutes.

Libby Gendron 43:20

So me and Eric talk about it and, um, we I kind of decided I'm like I think maybe it's a good idea to get it. I'm getting really uncomfortable. This nitrous like isn't really doing much for me anymore. You know what, if three hours from now I want it and it takes an hour and a half for the anesthesiologist to get up, like it just kind of feels like I should do it Um. So we decide yes. So the nurse comes back. She's like what did you decide? We say yes. The anesthesiologist comes up. This is where everything starts to go sour. So, um, the anesthesiologist comes up and he's super kind, he's very nice. Anesthesiologist comes up and he's super kind, he's very nice.

Alexis Schmoker 44:08

We do the epidural crazy. Did you have epidurals?

Libby Gendron 44:09

yeah, I had, yeah. So it's just like kind of crazy the whole experience, like you're literally having contractions you're both before I had contractions yeah, see so, like once you're having contractions, like it's great.

Alexis Schmoker 44:22

I can't fathom doing it when you're having contractions so you have to wait in between contractions.

Libby Gendron 44:28

So literally you have like your nurse sitting there, the anesthesiologist is sitting there and they're literally just watching the screen trying to figure out when you should go. Finally, it's like time they do it. Okay, and they taped. They taped my back up like they do with everyone. So they pull the needle out, they put the catheter in, they take my whole back with that plastic and so, um 15 minutes later, he's still in the room. He's like titering it. He's like is it working? I'm like, no, I can feel everything. No, no, no, can't like I can feel everything. And he lifts up my gown and there's blood flowing into my catheter and he's like so we missed the vein or the artery or whatever. He's like we have to, we have to pull it out and start completely over. So takes off the whole tape on my back which, like that's a bad in itself, exactly Redoes it. So now, by the time I actually have a working epidural, it's 5am. It's changed.

Libby Gendron 45:37

At our hospital was seven, um. So at 7 AM also, my doctor for the first 24 hours was a male. Not that it matters, but he was a male and he was very hands-off. I had to keep asking him to check me, which teach their own. Like I'm not going to tell a doctor how to do their job. But and also, side note, I don't know if you want to add this, but I'll just say it um, I know how anesthesia works, as do you, being a nurse. I administer anesthesia as a dental hygienist, so I know how easy it is to miss your mark, miss your anatomy. So I was very.

Libby Gendron 46:17

Everyone that I tell that story to is like, oh my god, like were you so angry? Were you so mad? No, because I know how easy it is to miss anatomy. Everyone's anatomy is different. And I told my anesthesiologist I was like you're fine, like it happens. It happens to me. Like obviously I'm in way more pain than someone who has tooth pain, but like it happens. So at least for me, like I got that, even in as much pain as I was, like I wasn't angry.

Libby Gendron 46:48

So I'm still, I feel like at this point I'm still very much calm in a sense, and so, yeah, so shift change is about to happen. So I asked my doctor. I'm like, hey, can you check me? Um, I want to know where I'm at. Mind you, like before 3am I was eight centimeters. So he checks me and he's like you're still at eight. So I've been at eight centimeters for a very long time now and I'm not progressing. And he's like you know we're having shift change. The next doctor's probably not going to check you until like 11am and he's like you could have a c-section, like if you elected to right now, we would definitely let you, but, like you, your baby is safe, you're fine. Like you can still wait it out do you like that?

Alexis Schmoker 47:32

wait for the doctor to come check you? Yeah, oh really, the nurses check me like I didn't really see a doctor until it was time to deliver. I mean like three minutes in the room both times.

Libby Gendron 47:43

So we didn't. I didn't have that, only only doctors checked me.

Alexis Schmoker 47:47

That's crazy and which shout out to like the LND nurses because they're wild.

Libby Gendron 47:52

Yeah. Like so on the ball and how many times do you hear stories like oh, my labor and delivery nurse delivered my baby because the doctor literally they're like the coolest people.

Libby Gendron 48:03

Okay, continue so shift change happens. The next doctor comes in, um, she checks me right away and she's like I would say you're an eight and a half. So in my head I'm like, oh my god, like I'm an eight and a half, I'm not an eight, I'm an eight and a half, like amazing. And she's like, but like I don't really love that. You've been at pretty much this stage for almost 12 hours, probably 10 and so she's like I'm gonna give you a little bit more time. But like I'm gonna be honest with you, like this is kind of looking like a c-section to me. Like, again, she said the same thing. Like if you want a c-section, like say the word right now and we can do it. If you're trying to wait, like we can wait. She said the same thing, like if you want to see section, like say the word right now and we can do it. If you're trying to wait, like we can wait. She leaves the nurses and again, nurses are just amazing. Like in general, like I'm sure you hear all the time I hope you hear all the time Like those are the faces you see the whole entire time. Those are the saviors. Like they are amazing, the saviors. Like they are amazing, um, and so they um.

Libby Gendron 49:08

I start seeing the monitor getting high, low, high, low, um, and so nurses start coming in and they're like Libby, switch to your left side, and then I would kind of like the baby would mellow out. Libby switched your right side and the baby would mellow out, and this was like a game going on for like every 10 minutes for probably an hour. So 8am, 8, 830 rolls around and also I don't know again how this works in Oklahoma, but when you're in labor and delivery, at least at the hospital that I was at, you can see in your room the other anyone else that's on labor and delivery. Like you can see their stats. It's for the nurses, so like you can't see the patient's name, but you can see, like room two If, like they're going into distress, like the nurses know to leave and go to room two.

Libby Gendron 50:00

Oh, interesting know to leave and go to room two. Oh, interesting, so you can have like all these little boxes at the bottom of your screen and it's all the other things, so that, um, the nurses can see if they like need to go in another room. Yeah, so all of a sudden, no one's saying anything to me and all of a sudden, um, nurses just start coming in my room and they're like hey, do you guys need anything? Hey, do you guys need anything, like, do you guys need another set of hands? And so I'm kind of just sitting there, I'm looking at Eric and one of my nurses had just said to me I know that this is controversial, but I want you to lay flat on your back. So she put my bed down and I'm freaking, nine months pregnant and I'm like I can't breathe and so. But Xander had calmed down at that point. But all these nurses start flowing into my room and I knew something was up at that point. And also there was only two other people on L and D, like two other patients on L and D. So everyone is in my room and they're they're talking to each other. No one is saying anything to me.

Libby Gendron 51:06

And then my doctor flies in and for the sake of this podcast, I'm not going to say what she said. But she's cussing at the nurses and she's like, why is her Pitocin still on? Like, take her Pitocin off. She comes over to me. She's little. Like, take her Pitocin off. She comes over to me. She's little. I'm little. This, this doctor, is little. She's more petite than me. She takes me, she flips me onto my stomach so fast. I have like a gown, uh, uh, like cap being put on me and she's handing me the consent forms for a C-section. She goes you're having an emergency C-section right now. So, also because I didn't have my epidural till 3am, I was eating and drinking.

Alexis Schmoker 51:47

Yeah.

Libby Gendron 51:49

So they are just pumping me with meds, they're trying to make me vomit, to get the food out of me. They are trying to take off my jewelry, they are trying to make me sign a consent form. They're giving me everything that they need to and and I, they flip me back over and Eric is in full scrubs and he will not look at me in the eyes and he turns around and his back is facing me. Mind you, we also have been very private about like we didn't want anyone to know that we were going to the hospital to get induced. We didn't tell any of our family that we were going to the hospital to get induced. We didn't tell any of our family that we were going to the hospital. We didn't tell any friends.

Libby Gendron 52:24

And now, all of a sudden, we're in emergency C-section and he is beside himself. I'm beside myself, I'm bawling. He's won't look at me. Um, they take me to the OR and for me I mean, you know, as a nurse, like they didn't get all my jewelry off, like they couldn't get like certain things off of me, so they were just like leave it, like it doesn't matter. That's how crazy it was. And, uh, he's not in the OR with me there as they're walking me to the, or they're telling me, like we have an entire NICU team, like we just want you to know, like so now they're telling me what was happening. They said your son hasn't had oxygen to his brain in 10 minutes. It's been 10 minutes and your Pitocin was left on. And we have. We have to take him out. The cord is probably around his neck and the NICU team is going to be here, but we don't know the state that your son is going to be in. That's what they said to me.

Alexis Schmoker 53:18

Oh my goodness. Libby.

Libby Gendron 53:20

So I'm just like heart shattered, freaking out. Um, so they give you, once you go in for a C-section, they give you a fentanyl drip, I believe. So they switch from whatever the epidural was to a fentanyl drip and uh, they're. They like poke your belly with a needle and they're asking you like can you feel it? Can you feel it? And I can, and I could feel it still, and so they're like trying to get in there. They want me to be numb, obviously, but I can still feel everything. So they like push, push, push, whatever it was. And finally I'm like I can't feel it anymore. So they cut me open super fast. They get Xander out. Um, he cries immediately, which, thank god I, that was the biggest relief. Um, eric got to come in for that and he's not in there with you whenever he wasn't in there with me right away.

Libby Gendron 54:13

They did let him in, but he told me later that they prefaced like we're not sure what's gonna happen to your baby, like oh sure, and he, um, he had time at that point to like call or text, I think, both our moms and tell them, like Libby's going in for an emergency c-section right now. Um, so our parents did know before we went in. And then he was there, um, he got to cut the cord. Xander was okay, thank god. Um, he cried immediately. So basically what happened was and why I was stuck at eight centimeters was the cord was not only around his neck but it was through his legs, so he was completely suspended. So with every contraction I was having, he was trying to move down the birth canal but he couldn't and there was no way he was ever going to get past eight, eight and a half centimeters because he was completely, like, wrapped up in the cord yeah, that's what crew was too, that's right so we should have had a c-section like way before.

Libby Gendron 55:13

You know what I mean, like we shouldn't have waited, um. But so yeah, it was. It was crazy. He ended okay, um, and they start stitching me up and, uh, they so a nurse or someone comes in and says doctor, blah, blah, blah, your patient in room three is crowning. So she's like I have to go, I I'm gonna go deliver this baby. Call. And I could hear everything. I was awake, obviously. Call so-and-so. She's on, call, finish this c-section. And she's good, like everything's good.

Libby Gendron 55:52

So you know, the sheet is up and Eric and I are like doting on Xander. The cord has been cut, it's great, I'm fine, um, and then they start to take the sheet down because I'm a suit, I assume that I, everything was like pretty much wrapping up and all of a sudden there's just blood everywhere and they're like she's hemorrhaging. She's hemorrhaging and my, my sutures and my uterus like completely hemorrhage. There is blood everywhere. They're like get dad and get baby out of here. Now Call Dr So-and-so back.

Libby Gendron 56:32

Now they're yelling at me. They're like did you consent to blood for life-saving measures? And I'm just like yeah, yeah. And they're like what is your blood type? And I'm like A positive and they're asking me what my blood type is. They're like call the blood bank for this. A positive right now. Like, get blood in here right now. Literally, the sheet is down and I can see everything. Like all I remember is everyone was sweating, everyone was covered in blood and it was crazy. And afterwards what my OB ended up telling me was like I was really lucky to not have to have a hysterectomy. Um, so yeah, they had to literally put a device into me to make me stop bleeding. That I had to have in me for three days what that's crazy.

Alexis Schmoker 57:23

And then you, what were you on? Like antibiotics or something for? Weren't you like there forever?

Libby Gendron 57:29

oh no, that was later, when Xander was like seven months old, I my appendix burst oh my gosh but yeah, so I ended up being fine. Xander was fine. I mean, he had jaundice, which was a whole other thing. But yeah, it was a crazy, crazy delivery, crazy hospital stay. Xander's jaundice treatment had to be done in our room, which is unheard of. We had to do the jaundice treatments on him ourselves, like it was just very strange. So it was crazy, but everyone's fine, oh my goodness, that is so, so crazy.

Libby Gendron 58:04

I love a birth yeah, and I think I think my biggest takeaway from that so I think that was part of your question was, like you know, what did you surrender? Um, all I did was pray you know, once, once everything started going south.

Libby Gendron 58:20

That's all I did. You know, all I was doing was praying and, um, I think that the biggest thing for me was that, like I started this with, it was a birth desire. You know, my biggest thing was I did not want to have a c-section, I did not want to have surgery, but things don't always go according to plan. You have to be ready and I think it was a really big, honestly in hindsight, good learning experience for someone who was so type a to have everything go, literally everything go not according to plan. I think that, looking back, that's motherhood in a nutshell.

Alexis Schmoker 59:06

It is.

Libby Gendron 59:07

That's motherhood in a nutshell, is you know? You say, oh, we're going to go out to eat and go out to ice cream, or go to the park and do this, and then your baby has a blowout. Or you know your baby has an absolute meltdown, or they miss their nap. Or you know you, whatever meltdown, or they miss their nap. Or you know you, whatever, anything can happen at any time and you have zero control over it.

Libby Gendron 59:28

And that's that's giving birth too, and that's what I tell all of my friends. I said I tell people I'm like you know, write down your birth plan or write down what you want, but I'm like, go into it. It's a desire, it's what you want, but what you want isn't always what God wants or what's going to happen or you know whatever, it's just that's just not how life works. I think that that, as like my first learning experience, becoming a mom that's where the humbleness started. You know, that's where it humbled me.

Alexis Schmoker 59:59

It did, it sure did. Wow, that is so crazy. And something else that you've said humbled you is breastfeeding the most rewarding part of motherhood for you, but just difficult. And I'm fascinated to hear more because both of my kids were formula fed like formula bottle babies and not because of anything, that's great.

Breastfeeding: Challenge and Superpower

Alexis Schmoker 1:00:19

Any reason. I just you know I don't not any complications, I just couldn't do it. I just you know I don't not any complications, I just couldn't do it. I was like I just cannot do that. I am too stressed out already and I just, you know, went formula route and it was a blessing. But I love hearing all about just breastfeeding and the beauty of it, and so it holds like so much powerful and personal, like space and a place for mom. So tell us a little bit about your motherhood journey with breastfeeding.

Libby Gendron 1:00:45

Yeah. So I kind of knew from the beginning that I wanted to breastfeed. I talked to a lot of friends that kind of did both and everyone was like it's hard, it's hard, it's hard. And me being me and naive was like I was made to be a mom. I'm going to breastfeed and like whatever, I'm going to love it and it's going to be fine.

Libby Gendron 1:01:08

It is so hard and Godspeed to anyone who breastfeeds. And also, like you said, you know if you, especially if you decide from the jump, it's not from you or it's not for you. Amazing, amazing that you know your body like that Amazing, that you know your mental health like that. Good for you, that's awesome. And making that decision and sticking with it is just as hard as making the decision to breastfeed and sticking with it, and I stand by that. It's not any easier to figure out what formula works for your baby, what bottles work for your baby, because you don't have an option. If you choose to breastfeed, you don't get to choose what comes out. You don't get to choose how it comes out. Um, so it's still hard.

Alexis Schmoker 1:01:53

Yeah.

Libby Gendron 1:01:53

Um, no, for me. I just like never really understood when people would say, oh my God, it's like the greatest thing, and especially my mom. And my mom still says this all the time. She's like I loved breastfeeding and like it was such a great bond. And I just remember when my mom would say that to me, I'm like you're so strange, like why are you telling me that? And I don't know, as an adult, I just feel like, especially before I became a mom, I was like that's just weird. I don't know why you're telling me that.

Libby Gendron 1:02:30

Um, and then I did it and I was really determined and it sucks. Let me be honest with everyone who's listening it sucks, it's hard, it hurts, it sucks, it's discouraging. Um, yeah, it was hard. And but then once you get the hang of it, you did this crazy hard thing and you're like, oh my God, like one day you literally wake up and your baby just gets it and you're like, oh my God, this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and I'm doing it, and he's doing it, and he gets it, and you get into this rhythm and then you know, there you have to kind of help them, but then they get so good at it that you don't need to help them.

Libby Gendron 1:03:12

You just kind of take your boo out and you do it, and they know what to do with it, whereas, like you start off and you're like, oh my goodness, how do I make him eat this or make her eat this? Like I don't know what I'm doing. So I think that in itself, like how hard it is, once you get the hang of it, it just feels so good and it feels so rewarding. And then down the line, once they're good at it and once you know, um, they're older, if something is wrong, you literally can just start breastfeeding.

Libby Gendron 1:03:50

It's better yeah and that is the thing I think I miss the most about breastfeeding is that he could be angry for whatever reason, and I took him into another room and I started breastfeeding him and he's good and it was like it felt like a superpower, it's like.

Libby Gendron 1:04:07

Oh, my baby's freaking out and I I'm not someone who breastfeeds openly in public and all the power to the moms that want to do that Like I have. I have no shame in anyone's mom game. Let me just say that, uh, for me I always had a cover, but I would breastfeed at a restaurant table with a cover on and you know we'd be out to dinner and he'd be freaking out and you know he had just ate an hour ago. But it's like, okay, put my cover on, put him to my breast and he's good.

Alexis Schmoker 1:04:40

And you're sustaining life Like that is wild.

Libby Gendron 1:04:44

Yeah, and so it was really hard for me to stop. I honestly stopped because of our trips recently and I didn't want to be pumping and breastfeeding on trips and stuff like that. But I made it to 11 months and honestly, again, like it just felt like a superpower to me and I will say I loved it and the bond was awesome. And a lot of people are really attached to nighttime breastfeeding, but Xander and I were really attached to morning breastfeeding. So a lot of people when they're weaning, breastfeeding, nighttime feedings are the last thing that go um, because that's what they're so attached to.

Libby Gendron 1:05:24

But for me and Xander it was morning Um, especially because Eric could do a nighttime feeding, like he couldn't always do a morning feeding, um, so we always have alternated nighttime feedings. We still do with a bottle every night, like every other night. He feeds him and puts him to bed, or I feed him and put him to bed, um, but yeah, so I think that that it just felt like a superpower to me. It felt like I could fix anything, um, and again, yeah, like you said, sustaining life. So it just it's super cool to me. I never expected to love it as much as I did and never expected to miss it Um you're going to be that mom.

Alexis Schmoker 1:06:05

that's like Xander. It was such a special bond. And he's going to be like stop, then you're going to be like you don't even understand.

Libby Gendron 1:06:15

Yeah, and the thing is is that I now, as a female, being a daughter, understand what my mom was talking about? Xander will never understand. I'll tell him that he's literally never going to get it Like he's never going to understand, but so funny.

Alexis Schmoker 1:06:32

OK, libby, I love how open and passionate you are about parenting intentionally and we talked about this a little bit earlier but even when opinions might go against the grain. So what are some of those areas that you feel strongly about and how do you navigate having those boundaries and conventions, convictions, in a world that doesn't always understand them?

Libby Gendron 1:06:52

so this is big for me and that um, and I won't touch on everything there's a lot of. I do have a lot of very controversial opinions. Um, I personally also, like, regardless of this podcast and everything, I don't really share my opinions on this sort of a thing, unless someone asks me to. Um, I feel that, again, moms are freaking superheroes and um, parenting is hard and like we were just talking about bottle, breastfed, formula fed, whatever, whatever works for you, and I will never judge someone based off of what works for them or what doesn't work for them. Um, personally, my biggest things are, uh, that I've done like the most research on that I will talk about are, um, first of all, boundaries. Boundaries are really, really big for me and this has caused a lot of rift, um, in my life as an individual, in my life as a partner, in my life as a mom. So if you want me to get more into that and you want to ask me more about boundaries, I'll be it.

Setting Boundaries as a New Mom

Libby Gendron 1:08:12

Food dyes are really big for me. I've done a lot of research on food dyes and gluten and I know that you can touch on gluten with me. Um, actually, like when I met you, I remember the whole gluten conversation like starting a lot of people like had when you and I met 10 years ago plus 10 plus years ago. Um, there wasn't much to be like talked about with when it came to gluten and there weren't even many solutions. But, as you know, it became a big part of Eric's life and he had this reaction to gluten that he didn't even realize was a reaction to gluten, reaction to gluten that he didn't even realize was a reaction to gluten. So when we got pregnant with Xander, I found a company that tested his cord blood. So we knew that Xander was allergic to gluten before he was even born.

Alexis Schmoker 1:09:12

No way.

Libby Gendron 1:09:12

Yeah, we spent a lot of money, but so we knew that that was a thing before he was even born.

Alexis Schmoker 1:09:19

I guess I've done that for either of my kids.

Libby Gendron 1:09:22

Yeah, so we did it through a company called Viacord. So they stored his cord blood for us and also tested his cord blood. And they can test for two things gluten and dairy, and I have a dairy sensitivity. Xander showed up as low reactivity to dairy um, which I have slowly been able to incorporate dairy back into my life and it's been fine. But gluten he was high reactive to from the jump and so he, unlike Eric, who Eric got to experience gluten all throughout his life until he was like 19,. To experience gluten all throughout his life until he was like 19, 20 years old and that is when he started having um, a full-blown, like real reaction to it, and so um.

Libby Gendron 1:10:15

I remember him going through that he was like gray, do you not remember? I? Remember like gray looking.

Alexis Schmoker 1:10:21

They didn't know what was wrong, like he wasn't practicing at practice, like it was crazy. I was, and I was going through that kind of too, looking back at the same time, and I remember him like getting diagnosed and I was like, wait, what did you, what did you say it was? Was that me? Yeah, yeah so it.

Libby Gendron 1:10:42

It was honestly crazy. And he but he like he got to have gluten and like experience gluten. There were certain things that he loved and that he still misses, oh yeah, and plus years later, you know. And so now it's like Xander just will never have gluten and he will never have to experience the loss. You know what I mean. It's a loss, it's like an emotional breakup. It is no. And do you want to know? What Eric still misses is literally Dunkin Donuts, bagels, like that's what he misses, like a legit bagel.

Libby Gendron 1:11:20

Or you know, like he misses a calzone, oh yeah. And so, um, how did he do in Italy? Did he try they do they? No, he didn't try. That's what I was worried.

Alexis Schmoker 1:11:34

I was thinking I always say like I'd love to go to Italy and eat pasta, but then I'm also like if I was in Italy and I got, like if I was in Italy and I got sick, like that would suck so bad.

Libby Gendron 1:11:48

Yeah, so he didn't. Um, they understand it very well. So he um understand gluten-free very well. So he was fine, um, but yeah, so I think food dyes gluten food dyes for me is just also. It was something that I incorporated before Xander was born.

Libby Gendron 1:12:01

Like I myself try to steer clear of food dyes, there are certain things. For example, I love port wine cheese. Don't know if that's a thing down south, but a spreadable port wine cheese on crackers, I love that. That's a great snack. Always has red dye in it. Would I give it to Xander, even though it's gluten-free? No, but do I have it sometimes? Yes, um, would I give it to Xander, even though it's gluten-free? No, but do I have it sometimes? Yes, everything in moderation, um, but it was something that I was very passionate about even before Xander. Um, and our food system just is a whole other conversation in the United States, unfortunately, like there are just certain things that you know, you don't agree with, you don't resonate with, I guess, or they just seem unnecessary, especially with just traveling abroad. Like there's no food dyes in Europe like why is it a thing here?

Libby Gendron 1:12:53

right and they use other things to die. And actually what's so funny is that Eric bought tic tacs, him and his candy. Um. He bought orange tic tacs in italy and they were in a orange like iridescent orange container. But when you like poured them out they were white but they were orange flavored tic tacs and he said they tasted just like the orange tic tacs in the united states, but they were white and our orange tic tacs are orange dye, so it's just like unnecessary.

Alexis Schmoker 1:13:22

You know um, but I'm big on boundaries um talk talk more about boundaries and you kind of said earlier like, is that from? Like some things from childhood?

Libby Gendron 1:13:33

yeah, definitely so. Um, I grew up and I um don't know how to put this in a way that it won't hurt people's feelings, but honestly, I'm an adult and I'm not here to please other people, I guess. So, to put it frank, I feel as though there are certain things that I should have been protected of in my childhood that no one stood up for me and no one protected me from, and I didn't have necessarily like a voice and no one else had a voice for me. You can't expect kids, young kids to have a voice for themselves when they don't completely understand things. So for me, I always gravitated towards friends, grandparents, because I my dad's dad died when my dad was 11.

Libby Gendron 1:14:37

My dad's mom had Alzheimer's and she was alive and I met her, but she wasn't herself, so I never really like had a relationship with her. My mom's parents are a whole other ball game. Her dad just recently passed away, but he was never super active in any of his grandkids lives. My mom had a stepdad who was very active in all of our lives and that was my Papu and he was amazing. He unfortunately passed away when I was eight, but he had a very close relationship with all his grandkids and he loved being a grandparent and I think that that relationship changed my grandmother, my mom's mom, when he passed away, she it was like kind of the definition of like a part of her went with him, sort of a thing and she I feel like probably she just like hasn't been the same since and, um, she's great, I love her. She's not as like active as I would like her to be as a grandchild and never really has been since my grandfather passed away. Protected is a hard word to use, but I wish that someone like had my back almost like when it came to grandparents, because, like I would resonate with my friends grandparents. Like my best friend growing up was her name was Val and her grandparents on both sides were amazing and like I called them meme and nana and papa, like I I called them by like the grandparent names that she did and I had a great relationship with them and I like felt myself always resonating like that towards friends, grandparents, and I just always wished I had that relationship.

Libby Gendron 1:16:35

Now I'm super lucky my dad lives with me, but I just feel very protective about boundaries that involve Xander, whether it's about gluten, whether it's about what we allow on screens, what we, who we allow him to be around, like and that sort of a thing, and also just expectations, you know. So if someone says, they're going to do something wrong if they don't follow through with it, yes, xander is a year old. Xander doesn't understand promises. I do, and I feel like I lived a childhood I don't want to say full of empty promises because, again, like I grew up, loved and whatever.

Libby Gendron 1:17:22

But empty promises are really big for me and if you say something to my child and you don't follow through with it, I'm going to have a problem. Um, and I think that this barks up some trees. And again, he's a year old, he doesn't understand anything, but I do, and it's the precedent that you set right. So if you allow someone to say, hey, I'm going to take Xander to the park on Saturday, and then something comes up and Xander's not going to the park on Saturday anymore and he understands that he was going to the park and now he's not, you just disappointed my kid, you know.

Alexis Schmoker 1:18:02

You just want to protect his heart.

Libby Gendron 1:18:05

Right, and I think that there was a lot of circumstances for me growing up where someone said they were going to do something and they didn't do it and I was disappointed and there was no one to step in and put a boundary up.

Libby Gendron 1:18:17

And to me that's huge and I think that that's the divorced kid coming out, you know, a child of divorced parents coming out in me that sometimes my husband, coming from what he came from, does not understand and I am immediate to put up these walls. I, mama bear, comes out, I am swinging, I'm strong on these boundaries and even like being postpartum, like there were times where I was like you know, I, like I don't want visitors or I, you know know, I feel a certain way about X, y or Z and I I think that sometimes it was looked at me or people looked at me like I was kind of crazy or selfish and to me it's also a personal thing, like I have grown too much to like say I can't be a yes man anymore in my life, and I don't. I especially can't be a yes man now that I have a child. So like, if something for me is not like a heck yes, I want to do it. It's a no, and like I'm not doing it.

Libby Gendron 1:19:30

Yeah, and like it took me a very long time to get to this point, Like that's the thing, like it took me a lot of healing.

Libby Gendron 1:19:35

I've always been a people pleaser my whole entire life. So for me to be able to say like, eh, like I don't want to go to that barbecue, or I don't want to travel three hours to go to that event, or I don't want to travel 20 minutes to go down the road to do X, y and Z, I'm, I can't be a people pleaser any longer. And I think that having that um boundary definitely makes people mad. And even my husband, who is world's biggest people pleaser, um, and doesn't know how to like set boundaries, he looks at me and he's like, why are you saying no to that? And it's like because life is short and I don't want to do it, and there are certain things obligatory that you have to do, that you should do out of the goodness of your heart. I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about other things where it's like I'm not packing up my kid to go do this to please that person. I'm just not.

Alexis Schmoker 1:20:32

Yeah, well, and I'm trying to remember if it was you or not. I feel like maybe it was that I was kind of I had boundaries after crew and I kind of had some issues, I guess. Yeah, okay, it was you and it was COVID and not to get into like any sort of COVID controversy, but she was a preemie and it was COVID and people wanted to come over and see her and I was hard, no, like, I was a hard, hard, hard, no like. And I had been working in the ER through COVID and just saw so much hardness, yeah, and I feel like I was always so pleasing to and going through having a baby and then all of a sudden, like fiercely trying to protect your child in the middle of like this fear, yeah, and it's I like.

Alexis Schmoker 1:21:28

Look back now and I have more clarity on it, because I feel like at the time, like you said, like postpartum and hormones and everything too, for some reason I felt like almost like people were trying to hurt her and I know that they weren't like, yeah, like they love her, they would never do anything to harm her. But it's like someone would ask to come see her and I would get defensive, like, no, like why would you want to come see her right now? Like it's a pandemic, like we are doing this to keep her safe. And they had no intent, like ill intent behind that. They're just wanting to see this baby. And then you get on the flip side too, because then I feel like you could think too, like well, why isn't anyone wanting to come see my baby?

Libby Gendron 1:22:16

You know well, why isn't anyone?

Alexis Schmoker 1:22:17

wanting to come see my baby. You know, like don't they love her, but I, those feelings did not even cross my mind, like I was so hard the other direction. Yeah, yeah, it was so like I typed out a like cruise babysitter list or like guidelines and literally sent them out to everyone. I did, I did, I sent it to you. I can't remember.

Libby Gendron 1:22:28

No, we compared them yeah.

Alexis Schmoker 1:22:38

Growing up, our parents had a super special tradition. We kept this big stork in our garage and whenever someone, either in town or one of our friends, had a baby, we would all load up and go over to their house and put this stork in their yard to help them celebrate. It was one of my favorite childhood memories and my sister, addison Sewell, has carried on that tradition. She is the proud owner of Owosso Storks, offering personalized stork deliveries to families celebrating the arrival of a new baby. Whether it's a baby announcement, a baby shower or to celebrate the birth of a little one, owosso Storks is the perfect, thoughtful, sentimental gift. There are even options to celebrate proud big siblings and even those furry little family members.

Alexis Schmoker 1:23:17

For a sweet, memorable gift, reach out to Owasso Storks. Check them out on Instagram. That's at Owasso Storks, at O-W-A-S-S-O-S-T-O-R-K-S, and you can find their contact info in the show notes. Guys, this is just the sweetest gift. I have personally been blessed by a stork from Owasso Storks before Owasso Storks was a thing and it was just the sweetest thing. So definitely reach out to Owasso Storks.

Alexis Schmoker 1:23:50

Oh, I wish you were recording I know, Wait guys, you just missed Libby gushing about how much she admires me. So I just wanted it to be for the record that she did say that Backtrack. I just had to press record.

Libby Gendron 1:24:03

I was literally saying that we were talking about boundaries and I got a lot of pushback from making. You were talking about how, um, with crew pearl, when you had during a pandemic and people wanted to visit and this, that and the third like you, yeah, we had to take a pause because we had a baby wake up yeah, that's literally mom life.

Type A to Type B Parenting

Libby Gendron 1:24:28

Yeah, and my baby's pressing his face against the clean glass waiting, you know, um, hi, um. So, yeah, mom life, um, my dad came home god sent that. He lives with us and I literally in that I don't know, we were off for 15 minutes literally got my son up, changed his diaper, gave him a snack, prepped dinner and then my dad came home and I was like, okay, I have to finish this podcast, but no boundaries. I remember being pregnant and like, wanting to set boundaries, and what I was saying was that we I personally remember reaching out to you and being like am I crazy? And you were like, no, uh, crew, pearl was born during a pandemic and you literally sent me, you shared your note with me that you had made in your phone. Yeah, sent mine back to you and you're like you're the mom, like you're the boss, you're the mom. And it's not even about that. It's not even about like, because I said so. It's not that, it's, it's what you're comfortable with. It's it's protecting your babies and my, in my position from growing up, protecting Xander from personally what I wasn't protected from.

Libby Gendron 1:25:51

Now that looks different for Eric. You know like. He comes from a very great family, a very I always call it to him and I I don't want anyone to laugh at this or for it to come off derogatory because it's not but he comes from the very like American dream family, like two parents that are still very much in love. A beautiful home. You know him and his brother played sports, they went on nice vacations. Their parents you know like both working, like his mom stayed home, like when they were young, but like she's a working mom, she always was a working mom. So like I always feel like say like yeah, and like you always can't, but like you know like it's the American dream, you know it just is, and like I didn't come from that and like that's what I view is like the American dream.

Libby Gendron 1:26:45

So I have different things that I want to protect Xander from, given my upbringing, than what my husband does, and I think that that's where sometimes people can butt heads, whether you're the spouse or you're someone else. You know, like Eric's parents and this isn't to knock them, but like they don't necessarily understand my boundaries because not for nothing, and this is a huge pat on the back to them they did everything right, you know they. They truthfully did. They raised two great boys and like they did everything right. But they also and I think that's where sometimes disconnect comes in is that people have to understand. You have to understand. You have to understand that you might not understand. Does that make sense? Yeah, that does make sense. You might not understand why someone has the boundaries that they do, but if they're the parent, you have to respect them.

Alexis Schmoker 1:27:41

And whenever I made my list and like sent it out, my mother-in-law and I have like sat down and talked about it since you know it's been three years and we always joke like I joke like, oh, I'm crazy, you know, and everyone knows I'm crazy, it just is what it is. But she was like you joke that. But she said it was helpful for her though, because it's hard to navigate, like as a grandparent and a parent role. I think, especially for a mother-in-law like you don't want to overstep boundaries, that you just don't know what they are Exactly. And so she was like I was. I mean, even if it was a little extreme, I'm sure, um, they knew what to expect Mom, protecting your baby. And I was like very clear. I was like no one can come over until this time. Like you take your shoes off outside, you wash your hands, I would be like with soap and water.

Libby Gendron 1:28:29

Yeah, like it's it's the first time mom thing, and a lot of it does go out the window with your second baby and I know that for a lot of people, and like you get, and even like with your first baby, as they get older, you like start to let go of certain things. But like, I think, for some reason, the generation before us, so our moms, our mother-in--laws, like no one had social media, no one had no one probably like went to their house with like a handwritten list of rules. So they're probably like what the heck is going on and like rightfully so, like it might seem overwhelming. And I know and I don't know if my mother-in-law is going to listen to us and if she does, I know that she was very overwhelmed by my list and she was very taken back by my list and I think that it upset her and my parents were kind of like they like made jokes about it. Yeah, like that also didn't make me feel good and like my mother-in-law was kind of like okay, like what? And it's just different times.

Libby Gendron 1:29:31

And then, once you get more comfortable with being a parent, I think that you learn to like let go of certain things. Again, that's the type B coming out and just trying to go with the flow and things like that. But I think that boundaries are really hard, because when you do say something to someone and you say, hey, this is a hard no, or like, this is how I want it to be, and then one, either they cross the boundary or two, they laugh at the boundary. It makes you feel really bad. Being super pregnant and feeling that way, or being postpartum and feeling that way sucks. It sucks so bad. And then you second guess yourself and that is just like you're battling so many things as it is, and I think that that's the hardest things with boundaries is that people are going to have something to say.

Alexis Schmoker 1:30:25

They are, and my thought was too is I sent it out to everyone and I thought like if they want to joke about it or talk about it amongst each other, whatever, but it's not in front of me and then I don't have to. It's almost probably like me not wanting to face confrontation either, like I don't want to have to deal with those conversations when someone comes to see my baby and like I just don't have the energy to do it and I don't trust myself in this state to like handle things how I should, and I already had so much anxiety about like everything, so I was trying to like take things off my anxiety list, I guess.

Libby Gendron 1:31:05

Yeah, and I was gonna say, can we like talk about that a little bit, like the anxiety that comes with being a mom, because I don't know about you or I guess I do kind of know about you I know that, like even prior to becoming a mom, like you definitely were an ard anxious person and like how, how has that played into like for you? I guess, like I shouldn't be interviewing you, but I feel like, but you know, like being a mom, like how do you navigate your anxiety?

Alexis Schmoker 1:31:34

I feel like, like you knew me. I feel like in my most anxious time ever and now that I am so far removed from it, it was so situational, Like I was in a very you know. You know it happened Like I was just in a very bad situation, and I don't think I saw how bad it was when I was in it Like I knew that I wasn't in a good situation. But then, now that I'm removed, I'm like thank you, Lord, for letting me get out of that alive. You know like, and just that I did. But all along, though, too, there were people placed in my path like you and a couple other girls, like from my nursing school that, like I'm so grateful, were there because you were, like my steady, stable outlets. I think, like in a time of craziness.

Libby Gendron 1:32:22

Well, and I think even also for me, without getting too much into depth of like how we know each other, but like you were someone that had kind of like already been in my position, like being where I was at in my life, Like you had already been there for a few years and you had already like done what I was kind of doing and I and I think that this goes back to what I was saying earlier like looking up to you and really like looking to you as someone that I respect and can, um, I feel like we have a lot of the same values and just like perspective on a lot of things, even then, and I just remember being thrown into the crazy world that we were both thrown into um looking to you for like solace and um direction and then I feel like full 180, like years later we're both in totally different points of our lives.

Libby Gendron 1:33:26

You became a mom before I did Um, and you're halfway across the country and being like, hey, lex, like how do you do this, how did you navigate this? And I think that that's also. That's two things. That's one, girls, just like having each other's backs and being a girl's girl and that sort of a thing. But two, the mom community being amazing. The mom community and I don't know about you and your friends like people come out of the woodworks when you become a mom, like, hey, if you need anything. Or hey, like, get this bassinet or get this bouncer or XYZ, if you need anything. Like that's just how moms are Like.

Alexis Schmoker 1:34:10

Once you become a mom, everything changes oh for sure, it's like a whole different mom club and, like you said, people come out of the woodworks like people I knew in high school or college.

Libby Gendron 1:34:18

That, yeah and they come, they send you a message and they're like hey, like congratulations. You know, day five sucked for me and this is what I did, or like don't forget to do this or buy this, you know?

Alexis Schmoker 1:34:31

yeah, it's just that's on being a mom, and I feel like for me, with the anxiety part, I struggled, like I said, kind of like with safety and just concerns about I don't know. It was almost like I felt like people were going to harm my child which, oh yeah, like the, the.

Libby Gendron 1:34:52

I don't know why I felt that way. Intrusive thoughts.

Alexis Schmoker 1:34:55

Yes, intrusive thoughts yeah.

Libby Gendron 1:34:58

They come out of nowhere and you think of situations that you would never think of.

Alexis Schmoker 1:35:02

Never think of. And once I got further out of that, I knew I was like kind of having them. And then, once I got further out of that, I was like, oh well, that was not right. But I had so many people I feel like telling me like, oh, welcome to motherhood, that's motherhood and that's not the case, like you are not meant to live in that state all the time. No, so I feel like having Jordan to like lean on with Wilder, he's very calm in the storm. Huh, he is. He really is like just so level-headed. And with Wilder I went ahead and got on Zoloft the day I had him. Oh yeah, I wasn't messing around this time. And I ended up since then being able to wean off but um, I say wean off, that I that's a lie, guys. I was so irresponsible. I just stopped taking it because I ran out and I didn't start it again. And that is the worst advice. I feel good, yeah.

Libby Gendron 1:35:56

Okay, so like yeah, not medical advice, obviously here.

Libby Gendron 1:35:59

Don't listen to my advice. But but you listen to your body. Yeah, you didn't do it in the most responsible way, but you listen to your body. Obviously. I think that if you stopped taking it and you were going cuckoo in your head, you were going to probably refill your prescription, but like that's. The other thing is that, like, let's just normalize like the intrusive, nutso thoughts that people have and like talking about them.

Libby Gendron 1:36:25

Yeah, like one of my best friends and I talk all the time about like things that I literally will not even repeat, because some things that go on in your head you would never do anything, you never act on them, you know whatever. But like you, these weird thoughts cross your mind once you become a mom. They're intrusive and having like a safe place or having something, someone to be able to like bounce those off of. No one is really ever alone in this journey and I also think that it does take to help yourself with your anxiety, at least for me.

Libby Gendron 1:37:10

I'm a big talker. Obviously, here I am like three hours later on this freaking podcast, like talking, um, but for me that's what it is talking about my feelings. Like I once I like let them go and I talk about them with the people that I trust. I think that that and it's validating, you know. Yeah, it's like while I, when I reached out to you about the boundaries, like it's validating, like I remember you sent me your list and I was like, oh my god, I'm not crazy, or we're both or maybe we're both crazy together what I mean.

Libby Gendron 1:37:38

So I think I think it's just finding the balance and, like you said, so, loft, I'm a Prozac girly. Um, take it every day, but motherhood just looks so different for everyone. But I do feel like there's such a certain level of anxiety that comes with it and, like when you first become a mom, things, the intrusive thoughts are wild and crazy and like I don't even want to say the things that come to your mind when you like, tiny little baby home, and, um, you think certain things and then you slowly start to trust yourself again and you find your people and you find who you can trust and you find your outlet.

Libby Gendron 1:38:28

Um, but I think that that gets to a lot of women and postpartum is such can be such a it's, it's becoming better, but it can be such a taboo subject yeah yeah, I think it's for some people really shameful to talk about and that, to me, is really sad, because I feel like I was in the trenches at one point and there were just like some points where I I didn't feel like I had anyone to relate to me you know, yeah, and you do.

Alexis Schmoker 1:39:01

I just had a friend the other day that's going through postpartum and she said like I feel like no one tells you this about postpartum. And I'm like, or no one talks about it and no one tells you. And I was thinking and I was like I feel like my conversations for the last three years have been postpartum. But because I've been postpartum for the last three years, but before you ever go through it, even if people tell you or try to tell you, like you just don't have any concept of what they're talking about. Really like make it stick. And I mean I haven't talked to someone who is about to have a baby and said like, by the way, if you think X, y, z or if you whatever, like that's normal, because what you don't want to say that before.

Libby Gendron 1:39:49

And you don't want to scare them, and you don't even want to say it out loud, because you don't even want to, like say that you had those thoughts, yeah, or like this is horrible, cause I know this is not true, like put it in.

Alexis Schmoker 1:39:59

You don't want to put it in the universe, cause that's not how you serve a God who has a plan, but I feel that way.

Libby Gendron 1:40:05

I'm like I don't even want to say this out loud because I totally, I can totally relate to that and I think that, yeah, it's just such a hard conversation to have. Also I'm big on. I remember so many people when I was pregnant being like, well, just wait, and it was like something negative, like just wait till they blow out, or just wait till they stay up all night screaming, and like I'm big on the just wait till they smile at you for the first time, or just wait till they say mama for the first, like I'm big on the just wait positive aspect. You know. So, you all, and I feel like there's so many people, even moms, which kind of grosses me out now being a mom, because I'm so, I'm so careful of how I word things. Maybe it's because, again, like I said earlier, I am like one of my first friends to be a mom, um, and but other moms have said to me like just wait, and it's like a negative thing and I hate that so much. I hate that narrative and I try so hard with my friends that are new moms, are going to be moms, to not do that and to tell them to not pay attention to it, because there's so much more beauty in the struggle that there is horrible. Just wait moments, you know. And I think that and it goes back to your question about like mothering intentionally Um, I really try hard to ground myself, um, when those hard moments happen. I'll give you an example.

Libby Gendron 1:41:56

So my son, he is about to be 13 months. He has recently started climbing onto our coffee table. So, like you can baby proof your house however you want, but like, do you literally get rid of your coffee table? I don't know the answer to that. I'm a first time mom and my son climbs on my coffee table and he stands up, proud and smiling Okay, so what do you do? Now? I don't leave the room when he's in that room.

Faith Journey Through Motherhood

Libby Gendron 1:42:31

Um, it's funny. I tell him no, I tell him to get off, I pull him off, I redirect him into something else. I, like you can't reprimand a 13 month old, um. So this is a point where past Libby would be like flipping out. I gotta get rid of the coffee table. What do I do with him? Whatever? And in my head I'm just like these are the moments I'm going to remember my son literally climbing on the coffee table, little chubby legs and all standing up, like not just like getting on the coffee table, standing chubby legs and all yeah. Standing up like not just like getting on the coffee table standing up and looking at me proudly and smiling, and you know what? That's a great memory to have yeah and he's safe and he's fine.

Libby Gendron 1:43:22

So like there are certain things that you just have to let go of and like parenting intentionally, is that also his favorite thing? Other favorite thing is, um, climbing onto the dishwasher when it's open and he's getting heavy and I'm like you, little fatty, you're gonna break the dishwasher door like it's gonna pop the hinges, um, but I try my hardest to to like laugh and just redirect and be intentional in that aspect and I think that that makes both me and him grow him in a sense of he doesn't understand right from wrong, he doesn't understand yes from no right now. So I take him off the coffee table and I bring him to a toy, or I take him off the dishwasher door and I bring him somewhere else and me I take a deep breath and I try to move on from the situation. And there are times where it's really frustrating and he keeps getting onto the dishwasher while I'm trying mad, I'm like there will be a time when he doesn't want to be near me while I'm doing the dishes and embrace it to a certain extent, and it's hard and I'm not perfect at it, but I try my best to also be present in the moment and I'm very lucky that I work part time Like today was a beautiful day I don't work on Tuesdays.

Libby Gendron 1:44:55

We spent so much time outside today. We have a water table and stupid me didn't put him in a bathing suit and he literally just got soaking wet in his outfit and his shoes. He was eating dirt. He had the best, best time, like he had a great time, yeah, and he took a two-hour nap and like and another thing like I have to let go of, and this is another great example of just going with the flow and being type b Sunday night we had no plans for dinner and there was one ice cream shop in town and we went and had ice cream for dinner. And I looked at Eric when we were driving there and I was like Xander won't remember this, he's a year old, but like I will remember the Memorial Day weekend that Xander was a year old and we took him to have ice cream for dinner because, like that is something that I wish that I remember from my childhood and that is like so awesome and we like took pictures of it and I'll put it in his baby book or whatever.

Alexis Schmoker 1:45:56

But yeah, well, I always go back to that, that saying people say, like their, their childhood is your motherhood and you just always have to remind yourself of that, like they get one childhood and like this is your motherhood era.

Libby Gendron 1:46:12

Like your kids are only little and home for so long and you only get like this season of being young parents together, like with young kids and I think that that's like it brings me back to what I said at the beginning like it's not that deep, it's not that serious, it's like you have to learn to like let it go in certain aspects.

Alexis Schmoker 1:46:38

Yeah, I feel like that goes perfectly just into like talking about faith too. Like I feel like all of it whenever you truly just get down to the nitty-gritty let go and let God. Let go and let God like.

Libby Gendron 1:46:50

That is all something that I live by. Let go and let God. That is my biggest.

Alexis Schmoker 1:46:57

Yeah.

Libby Gendron 1:46:58

That is it for me, like that is. That is literally what I live by Let go and let God and um, I think that a lot of people would live a lot better lives and be a lot happier if they lived by that too. Well again, nothing ever goes according to plan, but it could work to his plan.

Alexis Schmoker 1:47:22

Absolutely, and I feel like, even when we were talking about anxiety earlier, that is what I've just like really had to put all of like my fear and worry and everything in is just into pouring myself into his word every single day, because it takes me like an every single day reset to get my self under control, you know, and I feel like that has been so great. So how has becoming a mother shaped your, like, your personal relationship with God, and what role has prayer and surrender played, especially in those anxious or uncertain moments for you?

Libby Gendron 1:47:56

So we talked about this prior to podcasting. Personally, my relationship with God I would call it steady but not consistent. I don't know if that makes sense. So to me I've always had a relationship with God. How I show for myself like it's not a show for anyone else, but how I worship, how I, how I worship has been different throughout every season of my life. I guess let's put it that way how I worship has been different.

Libby Gendron 1:48:36

Um, so I grew up in the Catholic church and I, um, like I don't know what you guys call it in Oklahoma, but like we did CCD, like we did CCD, we, I was baptized, I had a first communion of all of the things, like by the book and I, my relationship with God has been Consistent, I would say to like high school. And then that's where it got different. My dad kind of stopped forcing us to go to church and I hate to say it like that, but you know, like you would be like at your sleepovers on Saturday night and like my dad would be the one to be like picking you up at nine because we're going to church, and like there came a point where he had stopped doing that. So we kind of got a little bit inconsistent and then, um, life throws certain things at you and they it makes you want to revisit your relationship with god. And so there has been multiple times in my life where, um, since I've been an adult, I will say that me and my dad there has just been points in my life where I've felt the need to get back into that I guess you could say so. And in my adult life especially.

Libby Gendron 1:50:13

Um, so, and my husband is like, brought up the exact same way as me, um, catholic, did CCD, baptized, first communion, um, all the things and so. But me and my dad just have always, like, had this connection where, like, especially like, if we're going through something hard in either of our lives, we're like, hey, do you like we should, we should go to church this weekend, or like, let's get back into it. Um, also, I've kind of I don't want to say moved around a lot, cause that's not accurate, but between, like, myself and my dad, we've moved quite a few times. Like myself and my dad, we've moved quite a few times, um, since I was in high school and or college, um, so finding a church that we both really like hasn't been the easiest thing, especially like now. We live together, but we we haven't for a while, um, or we didn't for a while, um, or we didn't for a while, um. So that has been hard. I kind of feel like we almost church shopped I don't know if anyone like uses that word definitely like kind of like trying out different churches and stuff and even different like they're not always catholic churches um, so, um. So for me, though, it doesn't matter if I've been to church this month, last month, this year, last year, whatever.

Libby Gendron 1:51:41

I pray every day, whether it's in my head or out loud, um. I just recently started saying prayers with Xander at night, because I feel like he's starting to understand it a little bit, um, and when I grew up, I grew up kneeling at my bedside and saying prayers every night, and we did Um. So obviously we're not kneeling at Xander's crib, but I I started saying prayers with him, um in the last couple of weeks at bedtime, and I just think it's super important. And it doesn't matter where you are in your faith journey, and I think that that's like the biggest thing is that God does not he does not hold that sort of that sort of a judgment. You know, like you can pick up where you left off, absolutely. You can pick up from your confirmation when you were 15 years old and be 25, and say, god, I need you, or God, I appreciate you. And I think that that's been my biggest thing since being a mom, and being an anxious mom at that.

Libby Gendron 1:52:54

Um, there were just so many things that I prayed on every single day when I was pregnant and I will be the first person to admit, I don't think that I really prayed every day until I fell pregnant. Um, and then that was when you know, you give it up to God. You're building another human being. It's a love like no other. And that is really when I started praying every single day.

Libby Gendron 1:53:25

And then, you know, after my birth story and after everything that me and Xander went through, I was thanking God. You know like I first was praying for God, praying, praying to God for a healthy baby, and then I was praying to God, thanking God for my healthy baby, and now I'm praying to God that he keeps my baby healthy and he keeps us happy, and I'm constantly just looking for I hope that I'm making the right decision. I guess no matter if I'm going to church on Sunday or I'm doing X, y and Z. Please lead me in the right direction. And I'm I'm doing that every single day and I think that that is it's. It's.

Libby Gendron 1:54:22

It's a game changer for me, um. It's an anxiety relief for me to be able to pray and put it into God's hands, because he knows the best possible outcome. He knows the plan for me, for my family. I don't know it. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I just toured a school for Xander today. I hope that this is the right thing for our family and it can be as simple or as complicated as you make it, I think, and it looks different for everyone. You know, and since I've moved, I haven't I'll be the first to admit I haven't found a church that I've like fallen in love with. Since I've moved, um, and since I've had Xander, you know, I went to church every Sunday when I was pregnant with Xander, with my dad, um, but yeah, so for me it's just prayer and religion is what you make it, and God doesn't discriminate against that and it doesn't have to be complicated.

Alexis Schmoker 1:55:33

Yeah, I feel like just being in relationship with him, like you're just in relationship with him, like you have prayer, you talk with him, like and it doesn't have to be some big fancy thing Like it's just saying what's on your heart and that's what he wants to hear, you know, and I think that it helps that, like that's what he wants to hear you know so and I think that it helps that, like that's kind of who I am as a person.

Libby Gendron 1:55:55

Um, if I know you and I love you, I will always say what's on my heart and I love that you used that saying, because I use that all the time like what's on my heart. Um, if ever there's like a conflict in my life, if ever I just always say what's on my heart, I do what's on my heart, I feel. I feel like that's how I lead, is with my heart, and that's how I look to God and how I look to my relationship with God. Is I, whatever is on my heart is what I tell him and how I react and respond to certain things in my life. And I think that that in itself doesn't need a church, it doesn't need a um set of parameters, I guess. Um, it just needs to come from the heart and to God, and I am constantly leading and telling others to lead with their heart.

Alexis Schmoker 1:56:57

Yeah, oh, olivia, I love that and thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. This has been so fun just talking and like catching up, like your honesty, your strength, your heart for motherhood You're just such a gift and I just love you as a friend and a person and I love watching you.

Libby Gendron 1:57:13

This has been awesome.

Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

Alexis Schmoker 1:57:16

Parents. I love how you speak, with just both truth and passion, but just gentleness too, Like you just want to love on everyone and I know so many listening are just feeling that from you and feeling seen and encouraged by your story. So to everyone listening, make sure you're following Libby on Instagram for real mom life goodness. Also her page cooking cooking with Lib. I literally take recipes from you all the time, so glad you do.

Alexis Schmoker 1:57:45

Thank you, it is so good. You're a kitchen like kitchen inspiration. I'll link both of those in the show notes. But seriously, libby, I'm so grateful for you. You're a kitchen inspiration. I'll link both of those in the show notes. But seriously, libby, I'm so grateful for you. You're such a light and I know we still have more to talk about, so you're gonna have to come on again.

Alexis Schmoker 1:57:57

Oh, absolutely, I'll come on whenever you want Chit chat with you guys, whenever I love that mama, I'm so grateful that you took time out of your busy schedule today to listen to mama of the wild crew podcast. I'm alexa schmoker and I hope you love this conversation and that it resonated with you. Thank you so much for opening up your circle and letting us in as we walk through this wild ride of motherhood together. Remember, in the chaos of motherhood, there is always joy to be found, so keep looking in those little moments that make it all worth it. Be sure to follow along on Instagram at mamaofthewildcrew underscore podcast. Please don't forget to like, subscribe and share our podcast. I'd love to hear from you, so comment, tag me, dm me, let me know what you think and let me know what I'd love to hear from you. So comment, tag me, dm me, let me know what you think and let me know what you'd like to hear next. Mama, I am praying for you, I love you and I cannot wait to see you next time.