Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast

17- Hold Fast: Cradling Grief and Joy with Widow and Mama Mallory Moseby

• Alexis Schmoker • Season 1 • Episode 17

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The weight of unimaginable loss meets the light of unwavering faith in this powerful conversation with Mallory Mosby, a young widow raising two daughters after losing her firefighter husband Harrison to cancer. 

Mallory's love story with Harrison was beautiful but brief—they fell in love quickly, married, and welcomed their daughters Kollyns ("strength") and Gracelee ("hope") in quick succession. Then cancer changed everything. Through pregnancy, delivery, and raising a toddler, Mallory stood beside Harrison during his brave fight, learning lessons about love and faith that transformed her forever.

What stands out most in Mallory's testimony is her conscious choice to embrace joy even while grieving deeply. "I have two choices," she explains. "I can be bitter or I can choose joy." This isn't toxic positivity—Mallory openly acknowledges the loneliness of widowhood, the challenges of single parenting, and those mornings when grief hits unexpectedly hard. Yet she continues finding purpose in raising her daughters to know both their earthly father's legacy and their heavenly Father's love.

Listen as Mallory shares about completing a marathon to honor Harrison's memory, how she's creating new family traditions, and what it means to have a relationship with God that evolved from occasional bedtime prayers to constant conversation throughout the day. Her journey reminds us that strength often looks like simply showing up with shaky hands, that grief and joy can coexist, and that even in our deepest pain, we are never walking alone.

Whether you're navigating loss, raising children solo, or simply trying to trust God through difficult seasons, Mallory's story will remind you that hope remains alive even in life's darkest chapters.

🎵 Check out the link below to listen to 

Hold Fast • So We May• Joseph McKeen 

https://youtu.be/loSER03Nzm0?si=_uMd7doZ3xEyBivc


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XO, Alexis Schmoker

Mama of the Wild Crew



📸: A heartfelt thank you to Jordan Allen of Cr00ked Teeth Photography for capturing this stunning cover photo.

Alexis Schmoker:

Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the podcast where we embrace the messy, wild, beautiful journey of motherhood together. I'm your host, alexa Schmoker, mama of two beautiful kiddos, wife, nurse and lover of Jesus. Motherhood is full of hard moments, unexpected chaos and those days where you just really don't have it all together. But in the midst of it all, there is so much joy. On this podcast, we're diving into the real, honest conversations about motherhood the challenges, the triumphs and everything in between. We'll hear the stories of incredible moms from all walks of life, share wisdom, laughter and let's be real probably a few tears, and we're going to discover how to embrace the joy in this chaos. So, whether you're rocking a baby to sleep, folding that never-ending pile of laundry or sneaking away for a quiet moment with your coffee, welcome mama. You're not alone here. Hit, subscribe and join me on this wild adventure of motherhood. I can't wait to do this journey with you. Okay, hello, hello, okay, not yet.

Mallory Moseby :

Hello, okay, not yet I'm going to clear my hair out. Hello, hello, hello, hello Hello.

Alexis Schmoker:

Okay we good. Okay, we're good. Okay, hey, mamas, and welcome back to Mama of the Wild Crew Podcast, the space where we hold the sacred, the chaotic and the beautiful parts of motherhood all at once. Today's conversation is one that will stay with you. I'm sitting down with Mallory Mosby, a mama to two beautiful girls, a woman that has walked through profound loss and still chooses joy.

Alexis Schmoker:

Mallory's husband, harrison, was a firefighter and the love of her life. Through pregnancy, delivery, the newborn stage with their second daughter and raising a toddler, she stood by his side through a long and brave fight with cancer. Since Harrison's passing, mallory has navigated motherhood, grief, faith and healing with strength that can only be described as God-given. She's learned how to walk with Jesus in a whole new way, and she's fiercely committed to raising her daughters, who know how loved they are by both her and by their God.

Alexis Schmoker:

In this conversation, we talk about what it means to keep going, to hold sorrow and joy in the same hand and to trust God even when that path feels unclear. Mallory is not only a beautiful woman, but an incredible mama. She's also a sweet friend, and one of the things that makes this conversation so sweet is that our little girls are also sweet friends too. It's such a gift to walk through motherhood alongside one another, and I'm so honored to share her story with you today. This is for the women out there who are in the waiting for the mama who's navigating the ache for the heart that needs to hear you're not alone, so let's dive in Hi.

Mallory Moseby :

Mallory, hi, thanks for having me. It's such a blessing to be here today and to talk to you. So Harrison and I met back in 2018 and our love story just took off Like we just fell in love quick. We got married and we had both of our girls quick. So we just always said, like our love story, just it just was so quick.

Mallory Moseby :

So we have two little girls, collins and Grace Lee Collins is three, grace is two, just turned two and we always said that Collins was our strength and Grace was our hope. Collins got us through so much when we because we had just had her when he got diagnosed with cancer um, so she really we felt like she gave us a lot of strength to keep fighting. Um, and then grace was our hope. She gave us so much hope for just she was such a sweet blessing, um, and we had her at the perfect timing and god has the perfect timing for everything because he knew we needed those two sweet little girls.

Mallory Moseby :

Um, this year we would have celebrated our fifth anniversary, so we would have been together seven years and this would have been our fifth anniversary this October. So that's going to be a little hard just knowing that he's not here with me, but I'm thankful that his legacy gets lived on through my girls, that his legacy gets lived on through my girls. So that's just a peek into our story in my life right now. So now I'm a newly single, widowed mom, still working through the grieving process, and each day is different. We're just taking it day by day, living moment for moment and just trying to figure out how to navigate through this life by myself and with my girls, and thank goodness for the grace of God, because I'm definitely learning how to do this. It's definitely a challenge, right For sure. There's no handbook. No, there's no handbook.

Alexis Schmoker:

There's no handbook for this.

Mallory Moseby :

Man, if there was, I'd be doing good, yeah, but we're definitely learning.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, I'd be doing good. Yeah, but we're definitely learning.

Mallory Moseby :

Yeah, well, we kind of talked about your mom fail before we went into this.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yes, and so I want to dive into that because that's kind of like part of the learning, like you're kind of talking about like trying to almost play both roles a little bit. I am so um, I got to hit you with my mom. Fail first, because our kids go to the same school and so mine has to do with our school so they had their end of the year program. You know, and crew kept telling me that it was. They were singing grand old flag. Do your girls sing grand old flag?

Alexis Schmoker:

all the time, all the time, I don't know, so so, I sing it now too right where it's I love it it's catchy.

Alexis Schmoker:

it's catchy. But she kept telling me like no, we're performing Old Flag and I thought they must be, because she knows this word like front, back, sideways. She knows every single word of this song. So she has a red, white and blue dance outfit. So she told me she was going to wear that and I'm like yeah, of course, like Grand Old Flag. So not only did she wear that, like we all dressed in red, white and blue.

Mallory Moseby :

Stop, like we all dressed in red, white and blue. Stop, like I took off.

Alexis Schmoker:

We even texted, like my parents and Jordan's parents, like hey, we're wearing red, white and blue. Crew's going to be singing Grand Old Flag, Stop. So we get there. She is in her patriotic dance outfit. The whole family is looking red, white and blue. We're ready.

Mallory Moseby :

They did not sing your grand old flag I know for sure they did not sing it at colin's program.

Alexis Schmoker:

No, it was it was so cute, it's like three songs. But then after, like, we were like, oh, you didn't sing grand old flag, and she was like, no, not this time it was like smiley you know just all about it. But yeah, so we just we sent her in her dance outfit. Everyone else was like in cute spring dresses.

Mallory Moseby :

You know, she's in a full-fledged dance costume yeah, well, I remember seeing her that day and she looked pretty darn cute. She did, that's all that matters.

Alexis Schmoker:

She had a bow on and a smile on her face, so she was good like cute, but I was dying because, yeah, the whole time sitting there we were all like looking at the program, like looking at each other, like I don't see grand old fly she tricked you she did, but anyway yeah, tell us your oh gosh.

Mallory Moseby :

I don't even know if I should say it on here you don't have to, it's bad, you don't have to. So the other day I was mowing the lawn and let me just give you a backstory. Um, this was like a hour-long event. I was, I went to go get on the lawnmower. The lawnmower wouldn't start. I had to learn how to jump the lawnmower. I was just, I had never jumped anything. So here I am with the car and the lawnmower trying to jump the lawnmower.

Alexis Schmoker:

I wouldn't even have thought to do that.

Mallory Moseby :

Listen, I'm just connecting the cords, waiting to see if they spark, and if they sparked I'm like it's the wrong one. So I finally kind of get it starting to turn. And then I realized the lawnmower is out of gas. So I had to go get gas, came back, put gas in it and went to go start it again Still dead. So then I jumped it. Well, an hour went by and then finally I was able to get on the lawnmower and start moving.

Mallory Moseby :

Well, I'm a single mom and got to entertain my kids Can't just leave them out in the backyard because they will run out and open the gate, let the dog out. So put them on the lawnmower with me. Well, as we were mowing, collins pushed it's a zero turn lawnmower and Collins pushed the bars forward and Grace's toe fell in between the hinge of the bar and the lawnmower and sliced her toe. It was bad. And so she was screaming on the lawnmower and sliced her toe. Oh, it was bad. And so she was screaming on the lawnmower and crying. And I just looked down and all I see is blood everywhere and I'm like, okay, don't pass out, it's going to be okay. Yeah, when you're, it's something about it when your kids are hurt when it's your kid.

Mallory Moseby :

Yeah, I mean it really hurts, um, but I got her taken care of and the toe is okay, but she definitely sliced her toe. So I learned a big lesson that day Do not move with your kids.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yes, man, that's rough. But we were talking about like you're having to navigate, doing these things that you've never done before, like by your, not only like for the first time, but with your kids.

Mallory Moseby :

Yes. It's definitely definitely something new for me and something that is hard because I have to ask for help a lot, um, especially for my parents. My parents are picking up my slack that just whatever I need, they're there and like within minutes, whatever I need, I call them and then they're there. So that's been a blessing for me. But just asking for help with for things that I've never needed help for has been hard for me.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, that is hard, and I mean your parents are amazing, like I met your mom first before I met you, and I'm like they're just so wonderful.

Mallory Moseby :

My mom called me. She's like you got to meet this girl. Her daughter's name is Crew Pearl.

Alexis Schmoker:

And I was like oh, my goodness, how cute. Well, I didn't realize that those were your girls. Yes, like until I think I saw her post something with you in it and I was like wait a second, I didn't realize. Yeah, yeah, so how cool. Okay, well, I want to get into talking about you running because you just finished a big run, which I was like that is crazy Way to go, so incredible, incredible.

Alexis Schmoker:

So what did that experience mean to you, physically, emotionally, even spiritually? How has running become a part of your healing journey and have there been moments?

Mallory Moseby :

while running, where you felt God's presence, or even Harrison's. So Harrison wanted to run a marathon when he beat cancer. So that was our goal together is that we were going to run it, whether I had to push him in a wheelchair or he was able to run it by himself and I was going to run it with him. So I just knew after he passed that that was something I wanted to do. Now, in my head, I planned on training more. That's not the case. That's not what happened.

Alexis Schmoker:

Well, it's not realistic in this time, I know.

Mallory Moseby :

How do you, where's your time to do that? It was hard.

Mallory Moseby :

So I was running most of my miles on the treadmill or not even running at all. So, like the whole last month before the marathon, I hardly even ran anything like maybe a couple miles. So that was hard because when I started running I was like, oh, I feel good. And then when I hit mile 20, I hit a major wall and I just I was like, okay, I'm going to have to walk some. So I started walking but I'm pretty sure I asked every single cop that was on the side of the road how much, how many miles left I had. And they were like five, four, and I'm like, are you kidding me? This is never ending.

Mallory Moseby :

But it was good because I wanted to challenge myself, because I knew how hard it was for Harrison to um go through like his cancer battle and how much pain he had. And not that I not that that pain was anywhere close to it, but just feeling the pain and um getting to feel God's presence through that marathon, it just reminded me like that God is sovereign and that he is just faithful and, um, he was gonna help me push through and, um, get me through that race. So all I wanted to do was finish and I did yeah, wow, that's amazing.

Alexis Schmoker:

When you said like mile 20, I'm like my sister and I is cool for the summers to run a mile hey, that's good, just like 20 miles, how so? How long is the whole marathon? 26. Holy cow, that's so cool, though I didn't know the backstory to that.

Mallory Moseby :

Yes, so that's why I ran it. Didn't run it. I mean, I always said I would like to run one, didn't ever think I really would. Right, I was good at like two miles, but no, wow, that's insane. Were you an athlete growing?

Alexis Schmoker:

up, I did run.

Mallory Moseby :

Yes, I did run in high school, okay, and I cheered. Oh, you cheered, okay, cool. Where did you go to college? Well, I went to multiple different colleges, same so.

Alexis Schmoker:

I went to.

Mallory Moseby :

RSU ran there for like a year. Then I went to Wichita State and then Harris and I met back at TCC, or like we saw each other in passing and then I went to OU for dental hygiene.

Alexis Schmoker:

Cool, okay, so kind of, my parents went to Wichita State I was born in Wichita, oh really yes and then I of course did classes at TCC. I think it's like a rite of passage, maybe for kids around here.

Mallory Moseby :

you know Might as well.

Alexis Schmoker:

I wish I would have done more. Yeah, now that I'm paying student loans, yeah, but then I also want to owe you, so so, hey, yeah, kind of the same. Yes, so you guys like walked by each other, you're like oh, he's cute.

Mallory Moseby :

I was walking up the stairs, he's walking down the stairs and we made eye contact and then, once I got to the top and he got to the bottom, we turned around and it was like it was like in the movies where you see like the um couples passing each other, like when they like each other. That's literally what it was like. Oh my gosh. So what campus was it at? Oh gosh, I don't know Um. Were you like downtown? No, no. What's the one out by Academy, maybe like 91st, oh, um that one.

Alexis Schmoker:

Okay, I don't know what it's called, but I know what you're talking about, like 91st and 169. Yeah, yeah.

Mallory Moseby :

Everyone's going to be like walking the stairs now, yeah. Looking at each other. Looking at each other. Can he be the?

Alexis Schmoker:

one, yeah, is this him.

Mallory Moseby :

Okay.

Alexis Schmoker:

Well, that's beautiful. I love that. Okay, I want to kind of get into like caring love, grief and faith all in the same hand. So you've walked through something unimaginable, like we said raising your toddler, carrying your second daughter. What did that season teach you about love, endurance and faith? You shared that your relationship with God changed. Um, like, you always had a relationship with God, but this is like pushed it to the next level, deeper, more personal. Um. What has walking with God looked like since then, especially in the still the quiet moments of motherhood and the grief?

Mallory Moseby :

Okay, well, um, as my uh like, as we were going through our cancer journey, um, so my love for God, just it just grew in, my faith grew Um. I always had a relationship with God, but it I I never had, um, I guess, a moment in my life where it would I just solely relied on God. I never had that just pivotal moment where it was like, okay, god, like I need you, like I was saved when I was younger and I was rededicated in my life when I was 18. But I never, I guess, fully grasped it meant to like fully trust God, um, and okay, we're going to cut that. Okay, we good, perfect, okay, so okay, okay, as my love and um, okay, there we go, sorry.

Alexis Schmoker:

No, you're fine, that's what it's for.

Mallory Moseby :

I don't even okay. Um. So I always had a relationship with God, Um, but it wasn't, as I guess, it was more of a just I'll come to you when I need you or I'll just pray at night. It wasn't a? Um true relationship, because in a relationship it takes two and um. So as we were going through the cancer journey, my love for God just um deepened and um my faith grew and also, like through that um, my love for Harrison grew too. Um, I had never loved him more, and it was the more I loved God. It was like, the more I loved Harrison, the more I love my girls.

Alexis Schmoker:

Um, so the love for my family just grew tremendously Um yeah, that like gives me chills, though, because I I heard one time someone put it as like whenever you pray to God, sometimes we're thinking about praying like for ourselves or for other people, but then you forget like this is their creator, Like this is the creator of your husband, this is the creator of your girls, Like no one knows them more intimately than God. And so right.

Mallory Moseby :

And so now it is.

Mallory Moseby :

And so now, um, I, I have a relationship with God, a true relationship, and I'm in trying to be in constant prayer throughout the day and just going to him before I make decisions. And, um, because I want to do what he has called me to do. I want my girls to be raised by um, a godly Christian mom who is abiding and walking with Jesus every day. That's important to me. But also, just pouring God's love into them has been tremendous for me. Just because I don't know if I would have done that. If, like, yes, I would have taken them to church and I would have read the Bible to them, but I don't think I would have been as intentional with it as what I am now the Bible to them, but I don't think I would have been as intentional with it as what I am now. Yeah, and so that's that's like been the biggest change for me is that everything I do, I try to be intentional with it.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, no, that's so good. I can feel that too. Like I feel like kind of the same way. I was raised in the church, but it wasn't until, like I feel like I truly got convicted. I guess, in a sense that I saw like holy cow. Yeah, this is the reason that, like I am here, right Is to make disciples out of these kids, Right, you know.

Mallory Moseby :

And I didn't want to just go through the motions and I feel like before cancer, we were just going through the motions of everyday life and, yes, I love Jesus and I did, I truly loved Jesus before. But now it's different, like I'm trying to be purposeful and live my life with purpose and be intentional in everything that I do and not just take each day for granted and live by the moment and live by the day and just see what God, like, has in store for us.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, I was trying to prepare for this a little bit this morning and I listened to a podcast with Annie F Downs have you ever listened to her? That sounds fun. Well, she had Maddie Jackson on, which is Alan Jackson's daughter, and so she lost her husband tragically, like not long after they got married, and so she was kind of saying the same thing, um that you were saying that she, you know, prayed. She prayed at night, she prayed in the morning, like they went to church. She believed in.

Alexis Schmoker:

God. And then she said something that I was like oh, that makes sense to me. She said like it went from being this formal relationship to being in relationship she. She described it as like it went from like writing someone a formal letter at night to like snapchatting them all day long kind of thing and I'm like that's a good practical way to put it into words, right. I'm like that. It's that change of like. It's not a formal conversation like that is just who you talk to and who you go to like I.

Mallory Moseby :

I truly feel like before I was like, oh yeah, like God's here, like I'm talking to him, praying to him, but now it's like, oh no, god's right here by my side, like, hey, friend, like he's right here, yeah. So, and I'm like, hey, god, you tired of me yet.

Alexis Schmoker:

Like I would show her, I'm like.

Mallory Moseby :

God, you still remember me. I'm still praying here no-transcript read that you have.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, okay, I want to read it now because after listening to this podcast, I had heard another one that she came on. That sounds fun like not that long ago, and so then I found this one that she had done maybe a year or so ago or a couple years ago. It was a little bit in the past.

Mallory Moseby :

Yeah, my friend sent it to me last year.

Alexis Schmoker:

Really yeah, so you liked it.

Mallory Moseby :

It was really good. Yeah, you should read it. I will.

Alexis Schmoker:

I will, because part of it too, I was going through it. I'm like okay, I don't even know how to say this Like that's just not what I picture. I don't picture like this young hot mom. Oh my gosh. You know what I?

Mallory Moseby :

mean, yeah, and I like I don't like I say it sometimes, but not all the time but I'm like, oh, I'm a single mom, but I'm a single widowed mom and that's still grieving and working through this and trying to figure out how to do life, and it's not something that I ever imagined for myself. I never, imagined, I mean.

Mallory Moseby :

I'm not growing old with Harrison. I mean, I was going to have gray hair, I was only going to get married once, but I don't know. God had a different plan. And so just saying that it kind of gives me strength, because I know that in that God's going to do something through this Right, so he's going to transform this situation and, um it, all the glory goes to him through, like through this I don't know what's there we go. Yeah.

Alexis Schmoker:

No, okay, but I do like that though, because that's kind of what she was saying too, and obviously you've read the book so you probably know more than I do. But she said, like she, whenever we talk about having the close relationship with God, like that she would go to God and she's like, oh, god knows how I feel about the word.

Mallory Moseby :

Like God knows how I feel about it. Like he's had to work in me to like rewire that meaning to me. Like God's really transformed my heart over the past couple years and just really changed my heart, because now it's instead of oh yeah, I'm going to pray for them. It's like God, I'm going to pray for me and my heart and like, if I'm upset with someone, I'm like, okay, god changed the way I'm thinking about it.

Mallory Moseby :

Like change my heart? Um, like, how can I be different and how can it be more like you? And so I feel like that's my whole perspective on this relationship with God and um, who I am has changed because of Harrison and cancer. And just seeing his faith and um seeing God change Harrison, just like strengthen his faith and um, it's definitely setting setting the stone for how I parent with my daughters.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah Well, absolutely, and that kind of goes into. What I wanted to talk about too was motherhood with the sacred calling. So you hit on this a little bit. But you said, your greatest, greatest mission now is to raise disciples to pour. Jesus into your girls. What does that look like in your home right now, and how has your own childlike faith grown as you witnessed theirs?

Mallory Moseby :

Watching my daughters just have so much joy after losing their dad. I know that they didn't get much time with him, but they still knew him, they still have a love for him and they still have that connection with him and I will always pour Jesus into their hearts and let them know who their dad was and talk about Harrison. Um, so that's important to me, um, but also, just, I mean, we're not perfect, um, but one of the things I try to do every night is that we'll get on our hands and knees and pray. Um, no, it's not always like that. Sometimes they're sitting on my lap and but we're trying to be intentional with our prayer and, um, during that time, I'll talk about jesus with them and um, just spend time with them and let them ask questions, like the other day, um colin's, after we prayed.

Mallory Moseby :

She goes mom, I want to see pictures of hell. I was like colin's. It's eight o'clock, sister, we're going to bed. No, I'm going to see pictures of hell. I was like Collins, so I had to get on Google and pull up some pictures of just Googled hell, because she was, she was not going to sleep without seeing pictures of hell. And as soon as I showed her she goes. Oh no, we don't want to go there. No, we don't.

Mallory Moseby :

No we do not, we do not want to go there. Grace needs to know Jesus because she doesn't want to go to hell, and so I think, just letting them see like a glimpse of, like what life really is and that you, we, were called to serve our savior and we want to, we want to go to heaven and we want to be, um, like disciples of Jesus, and I'm just really trying to pour that into their little hearts at such a young age, just so that they can be witnesses to others and their little friends, because not everyone gets a chance to know Jesus like they do Right, absolutely, and we talked a little bit before too.

Alexis Schmoker:

But, like we said, our kids go to the same little preschool and that has been just the biggest godsend it has been. They're amazing.

Mallory Moseby :

Amazing. They pour into my girls, they pour into me. I mean, they are just as soon as I walk in the door. They're smiling, they're waving to me, telling me good job, asking me if I need help. I mean they are awesome.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yes, absolutely. So definitely like building that community around your kids too, because it's so hard to do it I mean, it's hard to do it by yourself, but also just knowing that there's other people surrounding them like that are pouring that love into them, that's awesome, okay, so we're going to talk kind of a hard conversation.

Mallory Moseby :

I feel like it is.

Alexis Schmoker:

I'm trying not to cry during it, but it's okay, it's okay. Whenever I was listening to your stuff, I was like crying. Jordan's like what's wrong with you? I'm like nothing.

Mallory Moseby :

I just learned how to send my voice over the phone. I was so excited I didn't know that was a thing.

Alexis Schmoker:

Oh, yeah, yeah, a lot of times I'll send voice recordings because I drive a lot for work and so people like text me and I'll like send a voice recording back and I know they're probably like what in the world I love it.

Mallory Moseby :

Send them to me. It's so easy, right.

Alexis Schmoker:

Um, okay, so we're going to talk about. There are women listening right now, whether it's like young widows, single moms, older widows who are just sitting in loneliness praying for what's next and maybe feeling tired of waiting. What would you say to her and what?

Mallory Moseby :

does it look like for you to keep trusting and praying just one more time? So this is a hard question for me. Um, so a couple of months after Harrison passed, I started praying that God just places someone in my life. Um, I, it took me a long time to get to that spot where I wanted to remarry and to date again. Um, it was something Harrison and I talked about before he passed and he always said yes, I want you to remarry. Um, like, please, the girls, the girls need someone here with them. And um, I was like, but no, I can't, I can't even think about it. I would get so mad at him. But I'm thankful that we had those hard conversations, just because I don't have guilt for that now. So God's really really moved through my heart with this, because I didn't think I would get to this point where I want to date, where I want to remarry.

Mallory Moseby :

But now it's like okay, god, I've been praying that you play someone in my life for over a year because it's lonely. It is so lonely, like at night, just not I, all I talk to is toddlers. Yeah, so I go home or I wake up, go to work, come home, get the girls and we'll go home and it's just me and the girls at home and it gets lonely and the girls are missing. I know that they want a dad and when we're seeing like with my brother and my nephews, like they long for a relationship like that, um, I can see it all over them. They want a dad to pick them up and to throw them in the air, just like my brother does with my nephews.

Mallory Moseby :

But I often catch myself like God, I'm tired of praying this. I prayed this for a year and I don't want to pray it again, just like the other day. He was like just pray it one more time. So I prayed and I know that God is going to answer my prayer, um, on the perfect like with his perfect timing, um, and that this man will be a godly man and serve and lead our family well, um. But also it's been a prayer that God just places someone in my life and I don't have to date and I wouldn't usually, I wouldn't say that on here, but I want people to know because when it happens, I want them to know it's from God, like that relationship is from God and God. I know he's going to do that and answer that prayer for me.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah.

Mallory Moseby :

But it's just hard in the waiting. Right, it's so hard and I want it to be. I want people to know that if I were to remarry and or were to date again, that that that wouldn't replace like who Harrison was and wouldn't replace like um any like. He's a part of us, right, and the girls will always know him and we'll talk about him and they'll always love their dad.

Alexis Schmoker:

Right, and the girls will always know him and will talk about him and they'll always love their dad, right, yeah.

Mallory Moseby :

I literally cannot even Definitely going to cry.

Alexis Schmoker:

No, that's okay, Like fathom, just having those hard conversations too with him. But like you said I'm glad that you did yeah, because that's things that.

Mallory Moseby :

It's just, this is such a hard conversation because it's like when is the right time? Yeah, but we'll never know the right time.

Alexis Schmoker:

God's just going to.

Mallory Moseby :

God's just going to place, place that person in my life when the time is right and it's hard not to just like, okay, god, like let's just rush to it, let's skip all this, this hard stuff in in the valley, and he's like no, slow down, I'm teaching you and I'm I'm learning so much in the waiting, even though the waiting is so hard, and it's definitely. It's definitely making me have some perseverance. Teaching me, yeah, resilience, yes oh, man.

Alexis Schmoker:

And are there other like groups or people that you've connected with, or is there anything out there like for community, other moms that are walking through the same thing as you? Or, to be honest, with you?

Mallory Moseby :

I'm not really sure. I'm just thankful for my, my family and my I have like four really good friends that they two of them got me through so much last year and they were just there Um, they came over to my house on the like I hadn't even answered my phone, um, on the year of Harrison's passing and they just showed up and, just having two faithful friends, that prayed for me. And then I have two older friends um that are that are good um, that just pray for me, and one of them's kind of walking through the same thing with me.

Alexis Schmoker:

So I do have her um, and then I have some good mentors in my life right now good, yeah, because I'm like that would be so hard and I mean it's probably hard to like start that conversation with people, and then also people, just start it with you right, I know because everyone's just kind of like walking on on eggshells, Like what are we saying here? Yeah, Like are you good, I'm good.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's sometimes that you want to talk about it, yeah, or you don't want to talk about it.

Mallory Moseby :

And I do. I'm I'm open about pretty much everything because I feel like God's gotten me through so much and I'm just talking about things has helped me. So I'm pretty open about talking about whatever, just because it helps me.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah Well, absolutely Well. If anyone listening knows any godly men out there, send them my way send them her way. Yeah, we don't want any of that nonsense. Maybe we need to do like they can send in, send in an application and then your mom can go on a date with them first.

Mallory Moseby :

Oh gosh and weed it out, oh gosh. I don't know about that.

Alexis Schmoker:

Okay, maybe we should do my brothers that's good, yeah, yes, go on a date with your brothers. They're pretty, they're pretty tough.

Mallory Moseby :

Yeah, well, that'll, that'll weed out all of that nonsense, because when Harrison showed up to my parents' house for the first time to pick me up, my brothers were. I mean, they gave him a hard time, so how many?

Alexis Schmoker:

brothers do you have? I have two, two brothers. Okay, are you the youngest, I'm the oldest, you're the oldest. I am Okay yeah, okay yeah. So I don't have brothers and so it's been kind of funny watching like Crew and Wilder and wondering relationship will be like, because I didn't grow up with any boys.

Mallory Moseby :

Well, my brothers are my best friends. Like I love them. We're so close. Um, yeah, whoever.

Alexis Schmoker:

whoever God places in my life they'll have to meet my brothers first. There we go. Well, listen here, that's, that's going to be what happens. Okay, so you said something so powerful whenever you sent your voice clip. Oh yeah, yes, that you have two choices, that you can either be bitter or you can choose joy. Um, what helps you keep choosing joy when the ache feels heavy again? And what does that hope look like for you in this chapter of your story?

Mallory Moseby :

So, um, I think about this daily. Um, I think about the moment that Harrison passed, um, just when my like, I feel like everything's going wrong, like the lawnmower situation, or the other day I flooded my laundry room with my washer, and it's like things like that. I'm like God, everything has gone wrong today, like what else, like what else can happen and something will go wrong again. But it's that moment, when Harrison went to be with Jesus, he took his last breath. That gives me so much hope and so that reminds me like okay, this life is not for us, like we're here for one purpose and that's to serve Jesus and to um, be disciples and to make disciples. And so that gives, like the joy from the Lord and the joy for them. The Lord, like is my strength and that keeps me going each day, because I could choose to be bitter and I could choose to, like spiral down that path of just madness and why, why, god? Like, why did you have to take Harrison? But knowing that there was purpose in it and that, like there's a, like a bigger reason why here's someone to be with Jesus, gives me hope because I know that God's going to provide for me and he will give me strength and, um, when I just totally surrender everything, it I have the joy, like I have the peace and that's only coming from the Lord.

Mallory Moseby :

Yeah, and that's taking me a while, because I have battled with anxiety, like this past year, because I want to control things. I'm a really bad control freak, me too, and I've had to learn how to completely surrender. Like the other day I was like Lord, if it's not for me, if it's not from you, take it from me because I don't want it. It causes so much anxiety when I just try to control everything and I don't want that in my life. And so I feel like when I completely surrender it to God, I have, I have that immense joy. That is like flowing through my heart and it's like nothing can like take that away, like you're gonna have it, even going through the sadness, because god is, god is there with you and you're letting him move through your heart yeah, and you had kind of said too, like you can be sad and you can have joy, like it's not one or the other.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yes, it coexists.

Mallory Moseby :

Like days are hard for me, um, and I'll wake up and I'm I'm like, okay, it's gonna be a good day. And then I just get hit with this grief and I'm like, okay, god, like how am I supposed to get through the day? But it's like he provides. Like my girls will walk in and say, mommy, I love you, or I'll have a friend that will say, hey, god, please show my heart. Today I'm gonna pray for you. Just like those little glimpses of God, like like you're still there, like people are, like I have friends that are praying, and it just reminds me that God is still faithful and he's still there and he hasn't forgotten me and that, whatever I'm going through now, I'm going to continue to get through it, because God is giving me the strength to yeah, wow, I, you are just like so awesome though.

Alexis Schmoker:

I'm so glad that we got to do this.

Mallory Moseby :

I am so thankful that I got to this has been so much fun.

Alexis Schmoker:

I know, is there anything else that you want to talk about or say, or say to anyone out there, like going through the cancer journey, whether it's them going through it themselves, their husband, their spouse, their family, you know, like little pearls of wisdom.

Mallory Moseby :

Cancer is lonely, it um you feel like you're alone, but um, if you don't know Jesus, um turn to him, because it I wouldn't be where I am today without the love of Christ and um just having Jesus first in my life, and we would not have gotten through what we went through without God.

Alexis Schmoker:

Yeah, Well, mallory, thank you so much for sharing your story with such raw grace and courage. Your words are a reminder that even in our deepest pain, we are held, that faith doesn't mean things are easy. It means we're never walking alone. To every mama, listening whether you're navigating grief, raising your little one solo or trying to trust God in the waiting. May this episode remind you that strength often looks like showing up even with shaky hands, that joy is still possible and hope is still alive. And to the widows or single mamas out there, your story matters. You are seen and you are not forgotten, not by God, not from us, not from your friends. People love you, they're praying for you and you are doing holy hard, beautiful work. Until next time, mama, stay wild, stay tender and keep choosing joy.

Mallory Moseby :

Yay, we did it, we did it.

Alexis Schmoker:

We did it, mama. Mama, I am so grateful that you took time out of your busy schedule today to listen to mama of the wild crew podcast. I'm alexa schmoker and I hope you love this conversation and that it resonated with you. Thank you so much for opening up your circle and letting us in as we walk through this wild ride of motherhood together. Remember, in the chaos of motherhood, there's always joy to be found, so keep looking in those little moments that make it all worth it. Be sure to follow along on Instagram at mama of the wild crew underscore podcast. Please don't forget to like, subscribe and share our podcast. I'd love to hear from you, so comment, tag me, dm me, let me know what you think and let me know what you'd like to hear next. Mama, I am praying for you. I love you and I cannot wait to see you next time.

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Alexis Schmoker

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