Ep. 18 - What to Do If You Have a Horrible Boss

What do you do when you have a terrible boss—and what if that boss is you? In this leadership-focused episode, Amy Snook unpacks the real impact of poor leadership on team culture, performance, and trust. She shares practical advice for employees navigating difficult managers while challenging leaders to take an honest look in the mirror. From recognizing the warning signs of ineffective leadership to building psychological safety, improving communication, and leading with accountability, this episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to grow as a leader and create a stronger, healthier workplace.

Contact Amy Stark Snook:
Email: Amy@HerWayToLead.com
Phone Number: 954-445-4545
Website: Herwaytolead.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hi, everyone. Amy Snook from Her Way to Lead and Beyond the Juggle. So excited to be here with you guys today because over the past few weeks, literally several people have come to me with the same question. Must be some full moon or something. What do you do when you have a terrible boss? Literally got that question. Obviously, I can't say the people's names because the boss would know. But uh just fascinating to get this question, and it really made me pause on my answer. You know, look, the truth is it's more common than we'd like to admit. I mean, there's literally a movie called Horrible Bosses, which tells you how widespread this is. You know, people find themselves working in environments where the person leading them creates stress, confusion, fear, or frustration, or end frustration, really. And the hard part is most employees don't feel like they have a lot of options. They need their job, and I get it. They need their paycheck. In large organizations, they may have HR, right, a human resource department. But I mean, I worked in corporate America. I don't think I ever would have gone to the human resource department out of fear of repercussions, right? I'm not telling you not to. I'm just telling you what went through my brain when I worked in corporate America. So today I want to briefly talk to the employees who are experiencing this situation, but then I want to spend the rest of this episode speaking directly to these leaders. How's that? Because leadership has a ripple effect. And we've talked about this somewhat ad nauseum, right? And leaders hear me out. Sometimes the issue isn't actually the team, it's the way they're being led. So for the employees, for my friends who reached out to me probably out of absolute desperation, not gonna love my answer on this one. But if you're dealing with a difficult boss, the first thing I want to say to you is remember this, protect your professionalism. Don't stoop to their level. Your reputation is all you have in this world. If I'm gonna give you advice, I'm probably gonna say find another job, find another role in the company. But look, if you want a CYA, document situations if you need to. Keep record of communication, stay respectful and steady in how you show up. One of the hardest things about working under poor leadership is that it can slowly chip away at your confidence and how you behave, right? You change. Don't let that happen. Remember, this does not have to be permanent. You have not signed a lifelong contract to work for this person, or at least I hope you haven't, right? Not only can you make a change, but oftentimes bad leaders find a way of working themselves out of the job, right? Not always. We've all have been just dumbfounded how some people stay in positions they're in. But I feel like and an old business partner and friend of mine said to me, truth and time go hand in hand. I promise you, eventually it comes out in many different ways. Look, one other idea for my friends that are suffering, working under a terrible leader, is build support systems outside of that relationship, whether it's mentors, colleagues, friends, or people in your industry who can offer, I don't know, a different perspective and encouragement. And finally, sometimes the healthiest leadership decision an employee can make is just choosing a different leader, meaning change job. That doesn't happen immediately. Life and finances can make that complicated. But recognizing that you deserve healthy leadership is important. Know this. You might not be in a position financially, strategically, whatever it may be, to resign today. But sometimes just knowing that I need to get myself out of this just gives great relief because there's a light at the end of the tunnel, right? So whether it's six months down the road, I can survive another six months. You know, I think about when I'm at the gym and I'm dying doing whatever I'm doing, and I think three more minutes, I can do three more minutes. It's just a mental shift. All right, so let's turn this conversation towards these leaders, the ones you all are talking about. When multiple people say this, that they're working for a terrible boss, this isn't an employee issue. There's a leadership issue. And leadership is something that really should all be willing to examine and examine honestly. So, all right, listen up. Leaders, I am asking you to put aside your ego. Don't be defensive and just listen for a moment. I'm gonna point out what I believe five signs that you might be the problem as a leader. How's that? Number one, people stop bringing you problems. When people avoid coming to you with issues, mistakes, or questions, it usually means they don't feel safe communicating openly. Silence from a team is rarely a sign of perfection. It's often a sign of fear. Number two, your team is constantly defensive. If every conversation feels tense, if employees feel like they're always protecting themselves rather than collaborating, something in that leadership dynamic maybe probably is broken. Number three, high turnover follows you. There's a phrase repeated in leadership circles for a reason. People don't leave companies, they leave leaders, and I do believe that. Better said, they leave lack of leaders. Number four, feedback feels like an attack. Great leaders get curious when they hear criticism. I know I do, not saying I'm a great leader, but I'm just saying something I've practiced over the years. Poor leaders get defensive. Leadership growth requires self-awareness, right? And number five, your team performs out of fear rather than trust. Fear may create short-term compliance, but I promise you, I promise you, it destroys long-term culture, creativity, and loyalty. So if those five resonated with you, hang on. We're gonna talk about solutions, and it's okay. I mean, look, this whole journey we are on in life is for personal growth, right? So you got into a leadership role, you're having some successes, but not to the level that you want. So this is a perfect podcast for you. So why some leaders become horrible bosses? Most terrible bosses did not wake up one day and decide to become terrible leaders. Often it happens because of, I don't know, maybe insecurity. Sometimes leaders feel pressure from the people above them, and that stress rolls downhill. In other cases, people are promoted because they were great individual performers, but no one ever taught them how to lead. And I would tell you that is probably the number one that I see out there. Just because someone was a success in the role they were in as a subordinate does not mean they're going to be a great leader. It is very, very different skill sets. Doesn't mean they can't be, they're just not automatic. Leadership requires emotional intelligence. We've talked about that. Communication skills, and just most importantly, self-awareness. Those things are rarely taught formally, but yet they're so essential. I call it the leadership mirror. Every leader should ask themselves one powerful question. If your team could anonymously describe what it's like to work for you, what would they say? Would they say you listen? Would they say you support their growth? Would they say you create clarity and stability? Or would they say they feel anxious every time you walk in a room? That reflection can be uncomfortable, but it is also where real leadership growth begins. I will tell you, if you haven't figured it out through all these podcasts, I am a very high-energy, often hyper person. I don't feel it inside. That's just kind of the way I move through life. And the one thing I have realized in my leadership journey, I stress people out when I do that. So I have to make a conscious effort. Like I have to say, our assistant Paige, just a godsend, and you've heard us talk about her. Sometimes when I'm running at that pace, she will literally put her hand on my hand. And I know that means ratchet it down, Amy. And I appreciate it. But can I tell you something? The fact that she feels comfortable doing that, it's subtle. No one else knows it. The fact that she cares to, that shows the trust and the relationship that we've established. I hope that makes sense and resonates. So let's talk about now what great leaders do instead of what we've spoken about, right? Great leaders create psychological safety. They make it clear that mistakes are part of learning. Just this morning, Noreen and I, my business partner in real estate, you've heard me talk about Noreen many, many times. Uh, we had a conference call with a new employee who's just doing so well. We are so thrilled. But there were a couple areas that we would like to see more. And if we don't tell her, how in the world would she know? So we had a call. We couldn't all get together in person, which is always my preference, but we had to do it via the phone. And again, it's hard to have those conversations, but I will tell you afterwards, Noreen and I got a text that says, I love being part of the team. I love the honest feedback. I love the praise coupled with it. And I love that you give me a roadmap for success. So I don't know, that was a great moment for me this morning because it just means we had success from a coaching perspective and trust from the team. So let's continue about what good leaders do. They take accountability when they get something wrong. They focus on developing people rather than controlling them. And that is so important. They communicate clearly and consistently. And most importantly, they understand that leadership isn't about power, it's about responsibility. So the way you lead affects people far beyond the office. It affects their stress levels, it affects their confidence, it affects how they show up at home with their families at the end of the day. And I want to say this to you because I think sometimes as leaders, we forget. It affects how our employees show up at home with their family at the end of the day. Leadership is not just about results, it's about the impact you leave on the people around you. So if you are listening to this and this resonates more than you'd like it to, right? The bad leadership, the terrible leaders, or just mediocre. How's that? Or would love to be better, right? Or you simply want to grow as a leader. This is your opportunity. There's a reason that you found the need to listen to this podcast, or maybe one of your employees sent it to you, hint. Um remember this leadership isn't about being perfect, it's about being aware. It's about having the humility to pause, reflect, and ask yourself, how am I showing up for my people? Leadership is a constant evolution. I promise you it is. And whether you realize it or not, your presence, your tone, and your consistency sets the entire tone for the team. Look, and if you're realizing you want to do better, I mean, good for you, and I mean it. If you aren't quite sure how, that's okay. Growth doesn't happen in isolation. It might look like, I don't know, working with a coach, having honest conversations with your team, or both, seeking feedback that you may not be used to hearing, or even talking to a therapist, right? If you want to take it to the next level to better understand your patterns, your triggers, and your own communication style. The strongest leaders are the ones willing to do the work internally and externally to become someone people don't just work for, but someone people trust and respect and want to work for. I think back in the day, my young leadership days, I think I shared this on an earlier podcast. I was a leader leading leaders at that time, right? I would do one-on-ones with them. And I really, we might have tactical things, but it was so much more than that. It was just, let's just talk. Let me listen to what was painting them. I have spoken to people on their teams, and I'm able to give them feedback. And you never know how those meetings resonate. And I remember I had to cancel one or postpone one. And do you know that I got a call? And I remember her name. I got a call from Judy. She was one of the sales managers, and she said, Oh my God, please don't cancel the meeting for this month. I look forward to it every month. And I had no idea as a leader. So you don't know the impact you're having. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with leaders who on paper are doing all the right things, but deep down they feel that they're not truly succeeding in a way that they want to. They feel like something is off, like they're not quite getting it right. Their teams aren't responding the way they'd hope. And while they may not be able to fully articulate it, there are clues, breadcrumb, breadcrumbs, if you will, right? That something isn't connecting. And look, this is where real growth happens for the employees and the leaders. Because often with the right support, whether that's a coach, a therapist, another trusted resource, you know, you can start to work through the nuances, the how you're communicating, the when you're communicating, the approach you're taking, the foundation you're building, the consistency of your leadership. It's rarely about doing everything wrong. It's about refining, I don't know, how you're doing what you're doing, right? One of the um, one of the people that I'm coaching right now, and I love her, she is so intuitive with herself. But we changed a couple dynamics. Better said she changed a couple dynamics on the team, how she communicates with the team, how often I will say she took control of her business back, but gave voice to many of the people under her who didn't have the ability to voice their thoughts because there was a leader in between this business owner and the employees. And just changing the dynamics of the open dialogues, more consistent communication, and eliminating the middleman has made all the difference in the world. And it is just incredible, incredible to see on this journey from her perspective as well as from the employees' feedback. So I'm here to tell you if you need help, you know I'm here. Amy at herway to lead.com, or you can call me 954-445-4545. And I don't ever think I've given that number out to you before. That's my real estate number and my coaching number. So you may have to leave a message, but I will get back to you. So remember this. For all the employees who came to me to say, what do I do with terrible bosses? Hang in there. Let's see if we can help these bosses become incredible leaders. If that's not an option with your boss, then you've heard my suggestions. But for the leaders out there, remember this. Until next time, keep leading, keep juggling, and most importantly, just keep showing up.