The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Amidst the chaos of a family tragedy, two brothers confront their past and the choices that drove them apart. When Isaac refuses to go to his father's funeral, his brother Noah drives to Colorado to perform a good old fashioned kidnapping.
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies Episode 2
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After finding out his father passed, Noah decides to cut work early and head home. Trying to relax and unwind from the bad news, he is interrupted by an explosive surprise from his brother.
Credits:
Noah- Tim Welch
Kirsten- Samantha Johnson
Gabe- Wren Soryn
Jacob- Ryan Roumpf
Dahlia- Katie Leigh Roumpf
Isaac- Ben Kadaffi
Benny- Ben Kadaffi
Music:
WEARETHEGOOD, Lynnea-Outrun
The Ghosts of Liberty- Roanoke River
Duncan Spencer- Satisfaction
Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl
Sound Solution Editing
Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com
Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi
Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi
For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to www.whosaysproductions.com/store
Noah Receives Devastating News
Speaker 1Fuck, fuck.
Speaker 2You alright, Noah.
Speaker 3My dad just died.
Speaker 2Yeah, they told me before I came to get you. How did he end up passing?
Speaker 3An aneurysm, I guess.
Speaker 2Noah, if you want to go home for the day, you are more than welcome. I can get Benny to rub his two brain cells together and cover the rest of the shift, noah.
Speaker 3Dude, I think I'd much rather just finish out my shift, if that's alright. Don't think going home would be the best thing right now.
Speaker 2Are you sure you only have a couple things to put away and inventory can wait. I'm not gonna have Benny do it, I'm sure.
Speaker 3I just I appreciate the offer, man. It's the worst thing for me right now it would be to go home and wallow in my own self-pity.
Speaker 2Whatever you want, just know the offer still stands. And I know it's probably not the time, but if you need to talk, dude, I'm here.
Speaker 3I appreciate it, Jacob. Thank you.
Speaker 2Seriously not a problem. You owe me a new fucking office phone, though Shit dude, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3Phone though. Oh shit, dude, I'm so sorry, jacob, I'm already tense and this just made me fly right off the handle, dude.
Speaker 2Hey, I get it, I'm just fucking with you. Anyways, I have an extra in the parts room. Now go and make sure Benny hasn't set the place on fire, please. All right, man.
Speaker 3Are you still sweeping? God damn it.
Speaker 4Benny. Well, yeah, I had your area in mind. It's twice the work, you know.
Speaker 3There's only this pile left. What the?
Speaker 4hell have you been doing? I'm sweeping, hey Noah. Why do they call them sperm whales? They're kind of dirty if you think about it. You know, I saw this TV special about sperm whales and they said they were dinosaurs, but dinosaurs lived on land. So that can't be true. It's kinda dirty if you think about it. I saw this TV special about sperm whales and they said they were dinosaurs, but dinosaurs lived on land. So that can't be true.
Speaker 3Jake, I changed my mind.
Speaker 4You can outrun the devil, but you ain't gonna outrun me.
Speaker 5The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, written and directed by Ben Kaddafi. Episode 2 Noah just got delivered some soul-crushing news about his daddy. Now I may not be the smartest man, but I'd say this would only add to Noah's frustration seeing how he deals with day-to-day stress. There's a life lesson here, but it just flies right over his head.
Speaker 3Thanks, jacob. I owe you one man. You don't owe me shit. Just let me know if you need anything else We'll be fine. Better go make sure Benny didn't stick his dick in the electric socket while you were out. Fuck, alright, I'm hurrying back. Give me a call. Better go make sure Benny didn't stick his dick in the electric socket while you were out. Ah, fuck.
Speaker 2Alright, I'm hurrying back. Give me a call.
Speaker 1Oh baby, I'm so sorry. It's been one hell of a birthday, huh. Is there anything I can do?
Speaker 3No, it's fine.
Speaker 1No, it's not fine. Your dad just died. I can't imagine what you're going through.
Speaker 3Well, continuously talking about it isn't helping.
Speaker 1Uh, excuse me, Do you want to check your tone?
Speaker 3I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help.
Speaker 1I get it. You don't want to talk. I'll give you a pass on this one. Tell you what why don't you go take a hot shower and I'll get dinner going?
Speaker 3I think I'm just going to go grab a beer and head to the garage for a bit.
Speaker 1You do you, I'll be right here.
Speaker 3You'll be waiting in the entryway.
Speaker 1Oh shut it, mister, Don't make me poison your food.
Speaker 3Only if I could be so lucky.
Speaker 1Oh, hey, by the way, you have a bunch of mail. It looks like you got a package from Isaac.
Speaker 3Fucking wonderful.
Speaker 1Oh, shut up. I'd be happy that he sent you anything.
Speaker 3Hey, Kirsten.
Speaker 1Yeah, baby.
Speaker 3I love you. Thank you, quit being a little bitch and go listen to bad music in the garage. Did you miss me? All right, isaac, let's see what weird bullshit you got me this year. What?
Speaker 2the hell is this? Tampons that son of a bitch.
Speaker 3Here's a card. How thoughtful you little shit. Hey, happy birthday, noah. I know how much you love to overreact, so I got you something to help with that. What's that? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 4I birthday, noah. I know how much you love to overreact, so I got you something to help with that. Open your fountain shaped gift and get ready for a surprise.
Speaker 3If there is a dildo in this tube, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
Speaker 1Hey, did you hear what the fuck happened to you?
Speaker 3I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 1Looks like a stripper, farted on you.
Speaker 3I'm gonna fucking kill Isaac.
Speaker 1That's why I'm here. Oh, has he called you yet?
Speaker 3Nope, and he's definitely gonna get a fucking phone call from me, though.
Speaker 4Happy birthday, fuckface.
Speaker 3Dude, what the fuck I take it? You got my present. Dude, I'm gonna kill you, figured you'd like it. Isaac, I swear to God.
Speaker 4Oh, shut up. You sent me a box of human shit on my birthday.
Speaker 3Dude, I have something to tell you, Isaac.
Speaker 4I swear to God, dude, I have something to tell you, isaac.
Speaker 3Isaac.
Speaker 4For the love of God.
Speaker 3Dad's fucking dead. I found out a couple hours ago. Dad passed away this morning.
Speaker 4Oh, my God.
Speaker 3How Aneurysm, they said he collapsed in the yard.
Speaker 4Holy shit.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'm gonna go talk to the mortuary tomorrow to find out when the service is.
Speaker 4Keep me posted. Man, what mortuary.
Speaker 3John A Gentleman.
Speaker 4How are you doing? Are you all right?
Speaker 3I will be. I'm still trying to process all this and now, thanks to you, I look like a stripper, farted on me. Don't you be taking my?
Isaac's Unfortunate Birthday Prank
Speaker 4lines. Well, it's time to get a glitter bomb. Happy birthday, I guess.
Speaker 3Yeah, whoopty, fucking fuck. I'll call you tomorrow. Dude, I love you like a sister, little brother. Okay, asshole, I'll call you tomorrow. I love you like a sister, little brother.
Speaker 4Okay, asshole, I'll call you tomorrow.
Speaker 3Sounds good man, so how'd he take it Like he didn't have a glitter bomb go off in his face.
Speaker 1Well, please clean yourself up before you come back in. That shit is a pain in the ass to clean and I don't want it all over the house.
Speaker 3That little prick. I'm gonna throw him in Dad's casket for this one.
Speaker 2What that little prick? I'm gonna throw him in Dad's casket for this one. What the fuck just happened, jesus Christ.
Speaker 4I got it to light, but this lighter's on its last legs. What's wrong? Oh my god, are you gonna throw up? Please don't tell me you're gonna throw up. I don't want to have to babysit the drunk guy.
Speaker 1My dad just died. What, oh my god. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4Thank you. Did you just throw a whole joint on the ground and stomp it out? Yeah, I did. Is there anything I can do? God, I don't know. I think I'm just still in shock. I get it. I don't know how I'd take that news either. God, it's just so wild. I talked to him yesterday.
Speaker 6I will totally have sympathy sex with you if you want. Hey Answer your phone from time to time. Dick milk Delivery for ya.
Loretta: Dad's Beloved Truck
Speaker 3I shut off my fucking phone. I think Isaac made some Craigslist ad with my number on it. I keep getting calls for some fucking fruit cup bondage marathons, whatever the fuck that means.
Speaker 6What Fucking gross dude. I was gonna call your wife to get a hold of you, but it seems like you need to call Jesus. Shut up. Is this dad's truck? Sure the hell is. It's amazing. The thing still runs the way it does. I finished his tune-up the night before he passed so I couldn't give it back. Man, this little shitbox just needed a tune-up. That's surprising. What's surprising? It has 400,000 miles on it. How long has he had it?
Speaker 3Since I was a kid. But damn, he did so much work on it over the years.
Speaker 6I think that was when I just met you guys. Yep, you had just moved down the street from us. I seem to recall your dad named the truck, didn't he?
Speaker 3have a name for it, loretta. He could never fix this goddamn lock, though you couldn't either.
Speaker 6could you Honestly forgot about it? It broke a couple months after he bought it, though, didn't it? I vaguely remember that from when we were kids.
Speaker 3Isaac and his dumbass friends broke it playing cops and robbers.
Speaker 6You know, I actually do remember that. Little dickhead tried blaming me for it, and I was at the lake with mom that day I could hear Isaac screaming down the street Shit, that was hilarious, fucking banshee cry the kid could shatter glass. Little shit blamed everything on me, yeah, but he got busted that time. Speaking of which, how did he?
Speaker 3take the news. He barely said a fucking word. Really, yeah, really.
Speaker 6Wow, sorry to hear that man. You're a good friend, gabe, thank you. Thank you for grabbing this Dude don't worry about it. Tom was basically my dad too. I mean, maya and I were at your house almost every single day. I mean, your mom even had a place at the table for us. I was even a pallbearer at her funeral too.
Speaker 3And I appreciate that, brother, I really do. Speaking of which, do you have time to come to the?
Speaker 6mortuary with me. I got you covered there too. Your wife called me this morning, since you're too busy having phone sex. Everything is covered, I guess. What Cost of the casket funeral?
Speaker 3everything how he lost his fucking life insurance when the meat-pegging plant closed.
Speaker 6You got me. They said it was an anonymous party, so maybe somebody higher up in the plant felt obligated, who knows? The good news is everything's paid for. So we just need to organize everybody. You down to carry the old bastard's casket. You know it, I can get my dad too.
Speaker 3I don't even want to call him, but I'll let Isaac know that fucker sent me a goddamn glitter bomb yesterday and I'm fucking pissed.
Speaker 6Gotta admit it is pretty good timing. Terrible timing. Get the fuck out of here. Hey, your dad just died. Happy birthday.
Speaker 3I just found out my dad died. I didn't think I'd end up looking like some fucking stripper farted on me.
Speaker 6Well, I laughed. I will be when I fucking hurt him. Take me back to work before you call him. I do not want to hear you two bitch back and forth Worse than a couple of white girls on Cinco de Mayo. I kind of want to break his nose. I'm not gonna lie. Hey, just wait until after the funeral. Think about it. Your wife goes into labor. Think about it. Your wife goes into labor, placenta in the pews, me gagging. Nobody needs that, especially me, please.
Speaker 3Not funny. Get in Loretta and shut the fuck up.
Speaker 6I'll drive you back to work? Do you want me to go ahead and fix that lock when we get back in the shop?
Speaker 3Nah, it's kind of nostalgic at this point.
Discussing Funeral Arrangements
Speaker 5Getting possession of his childhood truck, noah started feeling a little better about everything. Sometimes a man just needs to remember the good times he had with family and get his mind clear. Brothers always know how to get under each other's skin, so for Noah to slip into a better mood, daddy's truck was just the right medicine. God forbid Isaac presses any more buttons.
Speaker 3When you finally come out, we are going to teach you so much about how your mom's side of the family is nuts. If you meet a man named Chuck, run far away. He will fill your head with the most random shit.
Speaker 1Don't swear when you talk to the baby. How?
Speaker 3else am I supposed to communicate with him? I? Don't know, write it a letter or something Just don't swear at him when you're laying on my belly. Don't listen to her.
Speaker 1I'm going to teach you all the ways to use the word fuck in a sentence. I mean it. Get your head off my belly if you're going to talk like that.
Speaker 3Shit fuck camel toe ass donkey cunt.
Speaker 1Ow, I warned you Knock it off.
Speaker 3You try to assault me with that book again. I'm going to plant Isaac's cocaine on you and I will call the sheriff. What are you reading anyway?
Speaker 1The Butcher of Bronson Street.
Speaker 3Sounds like a Sweeney Todd ripoff. Is the author RL Stine?
Speaker 1Oh for fuck, Damn it.
Speaker 3Oh, not so easy, is it?
Speaker 1Shut up and let me read.
Speaker 3Now's probably a good time to tell you your mother is illiterate, so I will probably be the one to teach you how to read.
Speaker 1Oh my god, did you call your brother and give him the details? Yet Shit Language.
Speaker 3Can you call him? I can picture him ugly crying, already Suck it up and call Isaac.
Speaker 1Okay, he deserves the details from his own brother. Fine.
Speaker 3Hello. Hey, little brother, I got word from the mortuary today. Yeah, I guess somebody already paid for the whole thing, so I'm not gonna need any money from you. Well, that's good it works out, because I know you probably spent it all on blow anyway.
Speaker 4Why do you always assume I'm this fucking degenerate junkie dickhead?
Speaker 3Well, when you spend all your time posting pictures of you smoking weed on Instagram the amount of posts, I know you don't have a job.
Speaker 4Great detective work Officer. Dippy, how do you know about my Instagram? Anyway, you use a flip phone.
Speaker 3Kirsten shows me when you upload your onesie photos.
Speaker 1Quit picking a fight. Just tell him what he needs to know.
Speaker 3Sorry, it's alright. What, no, I'm talking to my wife. Wake is on Friday, funeral is on Saturday. Just make sure you're here by Thursday. I'll buy you a suit.
Speaker 4Why would? You buy me a suit.
Speaker 3You're gonna be a pallbearer, so you need to look sharp. I can't have you dressed like you're high on molly, noah. Don't argue, isaac, it's a funeral. We need to match anyway, so I'll get it. It's fine, noah, I'm not coming. What I can't? What do you mean? You can't? It's Dad's funeral. I don't know if I can handle another parental funeral.
Speaker 4Are you fucking kidding me? I know you aren't going to understand. I just I feel I would there. I wouldn't be any help.
Speaker 3So let me get this straight. You refuse to go to your father's funeral because you're afraid of how it's going to make you feel. I knew you weren't going to understand. Oh, I understand. This is the most self-centered bullshit I think I've ever heard. I'll send flowers, Isaac. I swear to Christ, if you do not come to this, I'm going to bury you with him. He fucking hung up the fucking prick hung up oh shit, here we go. Oh, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
Isaac Refuses to Attend the Funeral
Speaker 1Remember when the counselor told you to sit and breathe when you're upset? I'm not upset, I'm pissed. Baby, calm down, Sit down and put your arms above your head. Noah, it's gonna be okay. You hear me? There's no need to worry about Isaac at the moment.
Speaker 3We're gonna get through this. No, that spoiled little shit is not gonna skip out on his father's funeral. Noah, I'm going to go get him For fuck's sake, noah, he's 700 miles away.
Speaker 1Don't you dare leave this fucking house right now. Kirsten, I am sorry I have to. Noah, you asshole. I don't want you driving pissed off. That's why your truck is in the shop in the first place. Noah, I'll be back in a day or so. Fuck, they're both. Fucking ass in the first place. Noah, I'll be back in a day or so. Fuck they're both fucking assholes.
Speaker 5The Gentle Art of Making Enemies. Starring Tim Welsh, ben Gaddafi, samantha Johnson, wren Soren, katie Lee Rumpf, tessa Thompson, alexander Hamilton, ryan Rumpf, nick Vodica, jason Flynn. Written and directed by Ben Gaddafi.