The Gentle Art of Making Enemies Episode 6

The boys finally get home. After their fight, however, Noah decides he doesn't need his brother after all. Forcing Isaac to find a hotel, Noah argues with Kirsten about the funeral that is just around the corner. 

Credits: 

Noah- Tim Welch 

Kirsten- Samantha Johnson 

Gabe- Wren Soryn 

Miya- Tessa Thompson 

Lucas- Alexander Hamilton 

Pastor- Alexander Hamilton 

Bartender Nate- Nick Vodicka 

Music: 

Falconer-Swamp Shack

Will Harrison- Hustlin Man Blues 

Falconer-Traveling by Highway 

Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl 

Sound Solution Editing 

Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com 

Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi 

Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi 

For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to www.whosaysproductions.com/store 

Transcript

Setting the Scene: A Father's Funeral

Speaker 1 0:04

If I were a betting man I'd say neither of these boys wants to apologize. If you've ever had brothers yourself, you understand.

Speaker 2 0:16

Fuck you, fuck you.

Speaker 3 0:24

That harmonica was a terrible idea.

Speaker 2 0:37

You're not staying here. Dude, what Find? Some shithole motel or something? You're not staying here. You're serious as Dad's death. You are not welcome in my house.

Speaker 3 0:49

Whatever man, I'm fucking gone.

Speaker 4 1:04

Oh my God, what the hell happened to you.

Speaker 2 1:07

I don't want to talk about it.

Speaker 4 1:08

Why is your face bruised and where's your brother?

Speaker 2 1:11

I told him he couldn't stay here.

Speaker 4 1:12

Noah what happened.

Speaker 2 1:15

I'm going to go lay down.

Speaker 4 1:16

What the hell, noah, I'm going to go get him.

Speaker 2 1:19

No, do not let that asshole in this house. Well, tell me what happened then. He's a selfish little prick. There is no place for him in this family anymore.

Speaker 4 1:40

Know what? Your brother is standing there at the edge of the driveway.

Speaker 2 1:43

And.

Speaker 4 1:43

And he's your brother. Get off your ass and let him in Kirsten.

Speaker 2 1:47

this is something that I'm going to be very firm on. Isaac is not welcome in this house anymore.

Speaker 4 1:53

Well, why won't you tell me what happened then?

Speaker 2 1:55

I don't want to talk about it, Kirsten.

Speaker 4 1:57

Well, what happened to your face?

Speaker 2 1:59

I cut myself shaving. Please stop. You just want to lay there and wallow in your own self-pity. Look what happened is between Isaac and I. Now please just drop it. Stop. Don't look at me like that.

Speaker 4 2:14

I beg your pardon.

Speaker 2 2:16

I'm sorry, babe, I love you, I love you so much, but this is something I have to stand very firm on.

Speaker 4 2:24

Well, is he going to be at the funeral?

Speaker 2 2:26

I don't give a shit at this point.

Speaker 4 2:28

Then what the hell was the point of going to get him?

Speaker 2 2:30

I needed a brother. What I brought back was a fleshy patch of selfishness. What? My brother's not there anymore. He only cares about himself, so let him care about himself. I'm done.

Speaker 1 2:43

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies. Written and directed by Ben Gaddafi.

Speaker 2 2:51

Episode 6.

Speaker 1 2:56

Their daddy's funeral is just around the corner and in the moment, death seems to remind you of your life. It ain't that bad.

Speaker 4 3:08

Something tells me they'll be just fine.

Speaker 2 3:10

Wow, I didn't expect such a turnout? I did. My dad was a social whore.

Speaker 4 3:14

Really.

Speaker 2 3:16

Oh yeah, his buddies were our babysitters, uncles, big brothers. The man knew everybody in town, so you think he'll show?

Speaker 3 3:28

Who.

Speaker 4 3:28

Isaac, you thick fuck. Think he'll be here I bet you the baby's name.

Speaker 2 3:33

He doesn't show up.

Speaker 4 3:35

Oh really.

Speaker 2 3:37

You really have faith in that walnut? He has the morals of a kid on TikTok. He probably films himself giving food to homeless people. Oh look how good I am. Somebody pat me on the back.

Speaker 4 3:48

Whatever, I'm holding you to that bet.

Speaker 2 3:51

Deal Jerry Reed Peterson, if it's a boy.

Speaker 4 3:53

Brenner Cole.

Speaker 2 3:54

Brenner.

Speaker 4 3:56

Sounds like a sandwich. Oh, it does not Ask Gabe. Gabe, yo Come over here. Stop. It's your father's funeral, quit yelling.

Speaker 2 4:05

Hasn't even started.

Speaker 4 4:06

He's not going to play your little game. Anyway, this is where you want to be when Jesus comes back.

Speaker 2 4:11

I'd rather be in Vegas.

Speaker 5 4:13

Okay good luck with that Yo ho ho bro-stachios Gabe does Brenner sound like a sandwich Brenner?

Speaker 4 4:21

Gabe, please don't humor him.

Speaker 2 4:23

No, just answer the question. Does Brenner sound like a?

Speaker 5 4:26

sandwich. Well, I immediately regret walking over here, guys. What's this about?

Speaker 2 4:31

We have a bet and if I lose, we name the child fucking Brenner. Nope, I'm out.

Speaker 4 4:38

Ha told you it was worth a try.

Speaker 5 4:41

Thanks for nothing, Gabe no problem. Dickity, dickhead.

Speaker 4 4:46

Holy shit. I hope you realize I'm naming our baby Brenner Sandwich.

Speaker 6 4:52

There's no way, I'm telling you, well you, just lost a bet, look.

Speaker 2 4:59

You're shitting me. Wow, he looks like shit.

Speaker 4 5:05

Ow, be nice, you both look like raccoons God damn, it's my father's funeral. Hey, you're in a holy place. If you talk like that, again, I'm divorcing you.

Speaker 2 5:14

If I were only so lucky.

Speaker 4 5:16

You couldn't afford the child support. You degenerate. Quiet down, Quiet down everyone.

Speaker 6 5:24

We'll begin once everyone finds their seats.

Speaker 2 5:27

Isaac started this whole fucking thing, by the way, shh.

Speaker 4 5:30

I don't care, just let it go.

Speaker 6 5:40

Thank you all for coming. Everyone, we are gathered here today not to mourn the death, but to celebrate the life of Thomas Peterson. God has taken him at a time of his life that was unexpected for all of us. We will miss Thomas, but our burden is not as heavy as his two boys, noah and Isaac, who are here today to bury their father. Just five years ago, they were burdened with the tragedy of burying their mother, sharon. Noah, isaac, we are all here for you. Your family has been a pillar in this community and you too are our family as well. Just know that Thomas and Sharon will be joined again, leaving their eternal love here for eternal life in heaven. I have been asked for the eulogy to be given by his son, isaac Peterson. I cannot think of a better person to give a proper speech.

Speaker 3 6:43

Isaac, if you please. You know I thought about giving the stereotypical speech about life lessons experiences. We had funny anecdotes. What have you? Nobody wants to hear that. That's every funeral. Seems like everybody else has that under control. I'm pretty sure I saw Dad's frat buddies in the back doing beer bongs when I walked in. So there's that Having a good time, bill.

Speaker 4 7:05

Hell yes.

Speaker 3 7:08

Yeah, there you go. There's your shout-out. I was trying to figure out what to say here tonight while being in a drunken stupor. You know it's the Peterson way, I suppose, but it really didn't work out the way I hoped. I ended up with a broken nose, bruise on my face and a pissed off brother.

Speaker 3 7:28

What I have found out about trying to write a eulogy for your own father is that we remember a great man not in times of darkness, but we remember him in the light. He was the epitome of a father teaching Noah and I a multitude of lessons. Thomas Peterson lived his life not only how he saw fit, but how he wanted others to live. A gloating man is a man who has a minuscule portion of what life is about. The man who has nothing is a man who finds everything in something. Fear will never overpower, but merely be motivation to stay one step ahead, ensuring the feeling having everything truly feels like everything. A man who has everything has no fear in letting go. My father motivated us to be the same Live in the moment, but learn through your mistakes to find a way to keep the moment alive.

Speaker 3 8:28

Our father was a wise man. He was a great husband to our mother and an even better father. One can only hope people had a life as rich as ours. He gave us everything. He may not have given us the material possessions that kid desires, but he gave us strength, discipline, courage. He gave us everything we needed and we gather to thank you, dad. Our hearts will always be filled with the love you showed everyone in this room. I hope you and Mom are happy and I wish you the best. I'll be thinking of you, thank you.

Speaker 6 9:07

Thank you, Isaac. I will now read from 1 Thessalonians 4, 14 through 17. Man Isaac did good, For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again.

Speaker 2 9:18

Yeah, he actually did.

Speaker 6 9:20

God will bring him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you, by the word from our Lord, the power of God, you okay bud.

Speaker 3 9:44

Yeah, I'm good. I'm just letting everyone enjoy themselves. You can join. Nah, I'm alright. I still need a bit. Besides, everyone would just do the. I'm so sorry for your loss. Bullshit, I'm not in the fucking mood for that Good point Well let's do a shot Of what.

Speaker 5 9:58

What are you thinking? I'm thinking a bomb of some sort, a little pep in the fucking mood for that Good point. Well, let's do a shot Of what. What are you thinking? I'm thinking a bomb of some sort, a little pep in the step. Come on, let's get some liquid crack. I'm all right, dude, all right. You're sitting there talking to yourself like an old man. You're doing a bomb. Let's light the world on fire. This is our night.

Speaker 3 10:16

That's an odd example, but fuck it, I'm in.

Speaker 5 10:19

There you go, let loose. We got the whole night ahead of us. Let's celebrate your dad. Let's burn the world down.

Speaker 1 10:27

Hey Nate two Vegas bombs, please Sounds good, coming right up Isaac.

Speaker 5 10:35

Look man. I know it's tough, but we're all here for you.

Speaker 3 10:36

So, maya and I grew up with your dad too. Yeah, I know I do appreciate everything you've done, gabe.

Tensions Rise: Sibling Conflict Revealed

Speaker 5 10:41

You do the same brother. When times are tough, we gotta stick together, otherwise everything just falls apart.

Speaker 3 10:46

Yeah, sometimes I think it already did fall apart.

Speaker 5 10:49

Man, stay positive. That's just part of life. But at least now your dad's with your mom. Yeah, maybe, maybe, dude, your mom was a smoke show. No doubt your dad got laid first thing.

Speaker 3 11:01

Wonderful.

Speaker 2 11:04

Now I have the image of my parents diddling in my fucking head. Here you go, guys On the house. Sorry for your loss, Isaac.

Speaker 3 11:09

See what I mean. What did I do to piss you off, man?

Speaker 5 11:11

No, nate, nate, You're good, he's just being a dick Stop being a dick and take your shot.

Speaker 4 11:26

You're starting to sound like Noah. Sorry, nate, I'm just being pissy, just trying to serve you some drinks To Thomas, to Thomas. Noah, you should go talk to Isaac.

Speaker 2 11:39

Why he's fine.

Speaker 4 11:41

He just lost his father.

Speaker 2 11:42

So did I Look at him, though, he looks fine. Besides the beauty mark I gave him, he's a picture of hell. Yeah, he gave you one too. Just go talk to him. I talked to him the entire trip here. The man is a boner killer.

Speaker 4 11:56

Your analogies are fucking awful. Just go over there and say something to him, please.

Speaker 2 12:01

Fine, I'll go over there and I'll call him a cunt.

Speaker 4 12:06

No wait, Don't go over there.

Speaker 2 12:08

What the hell do you want me to do? Stay, go, fuck myself.

Speaker 4 12:12

Maya is walking over there. So so his ex-girlfriend, who he ghosted and moved to Colorado, is walking over there. Whoop-de fuck, oh, she might punch him. I kind of want to see this, oh Holy shit.

Speaker 5 12:28

Good point, dude. I know that was sick.

Speaker 7 12:34

They were like I'm out, gabe can I have a minute Whoa, sure, sure, hold on. All right, I'm going to go have a minute Whoa, whoa.

Speaker 5 12:41

Sure, sure, hold on. All right, I'm going to go have a smoke.

Speaker 3 12:46

Hey, thanks for coming, Maya.

Speaker 7 12:47

Your dad was a big part of my life too. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Speaker 3 12:51

Just know, I do appreciate it.

Speaker 7 12:53

So how are you?

Speaker 3 12:55

I'm all right as good as a man who just buried his dad. Fair you, I'm good, I'm alright as good as a man who just buried his dad.

Speaker 7 13:01

There you, I'm good, I'm staying busy. I work with Gabe in the shop now.

Speaker 3 13:06

Oh, fucking A. You were always good with cars, so that makes sense. Is that sarcasm? No, no, no, no, no, no. You taught me so much about my cars I don't even think I have the right to make fun of you.

Speaker 7 13:14

This is true.

Speaker 3 13:15

Oh, I told Noah, Dad taught me. So just a heads up, If we were in an argument he'd never let it down if I told him it was you who taught me how to work on cars.

Speaker 7 13:22

No shit, I might just go tell him now.

Speaker 3 13:25

Please don't.

Speaker 7 13:26

What Afraid of the big bad Noah.

Speaker 3 13:29

Afraid of Noah Hell? No, I just don't want to hear him speak.

Speaker 7 13:33

You two are something else. I heard about the fights.

Speaker 3 13:36

Noah made himself out.

Speaker 7 13:39

As usual, he's got a knack for that.

Speaker 3 13:43

So how are things, or whatever. I'm not good at small talk at the moment.

Speaker 7 13:48

Isaac Peterson being short for words now, this is a first.

Speaker 3 13:52

Yeah, I know my brain's all scrambled and I'm pretty sure I left my backpack in Noah's truck, so that has me a bit disheveled at the moment.

Speaker 7 13:59

Well, you are a pretty forgetful person.

Speaker 3 14:02

Not usually.

Speaker 7 14:04

You forgot to bring your girlfriend with you to Colorado.

Speaker 3 14:08

Ew Ouch Too soon. Can I say too soon there?

Speaker 7 14:12

Since it was five years ago, I'd say no, I just chose the wrong time to bring it up, though.

Speaker 3 14:17

Eh, go ahead. I fucked up and deserve everything you have to say.

Speaker 7 14:20

No, it's been so long and tonight isn't the night.

Speaker 3 14:25

And another night is.

Speaker 7 14:26

Look, I didn't come over here to fight. I just wanted to say my condolences and see if you were alright.

Speaker 3 14:32

I appreciate that Maya Truly. You take care, Isaac, you too. Maya, Thank you for coming.

Speaker 7 14:41

Hey, I'm going to a show at Red Rocks in a couple months. I'll be around for a couple days. Would you want to get lunch or something?

Speaker 3 14:48

I'll go with the option or something. What does that entail, though? Does it involve a Steely Dan CD, you sinner?

Speaker 7 14:54

Seriously, I would like to meet up with you and chat when I'm out there, and I'm not sure how long you're going to be in town, so I figured we should talk out there. I how long you're going to be in town, so I figured we should talk out later.

Speaker 3 15:03

I would love that.

Speaker 7 15:05

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 15:08

Yeah, maya Shit.

Speaker 7 15:11

I have to go. Come here now.

Speaker 3 15:13

Who's that great big ball of joy?

Speaker 7 15:15

Currently my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 15:18

Currently. Huh, well, you take care, maya. It was good to see you, I mean it.

Speaker 7 15:24

Take care of yourself alright.

Speaker 6 15:31

What the hell do you think you're doing here?

Speaker 7 15:33

Paying my respects. What does it matter?

Speaker 6 15:36

He's your ex. His dad just died. Am I just supposed to say nothing to him? I forbade you to go to the funeral in the first place, let alone the bar afterwards.

Speaker 7 15:45

And I remember telling you to get fucked. You don't remember that part.

Speaker 6 15:50

You're coming home right now.

Speaker 7 15:52

Gabe and I grew up with the Petersons. I'm just paying my respects. What's the big deal?

Speaker 6 15:57

I'm serious, let's go.

Speaker 4 15:58

Whoa whoa, what the fuck is going on.

Speaker 6 16:01

Mind your business.

Speaker 4 16:02

Well, when you're yelling at your lady in the middle of a bar, it becomes everybody's business.

Speaker 7 16:07

Lucas, we will talk about this tomorrow.

Speaker 6 16:09

No, you're coming home right now.

Speaker 4 16:11

Shit. Noah and Isaac are staring you guys. Oh hell no.

Speaker 7 16:16

You put your hands on me again, you and I are going to have a problem.

Speaker 6 16:19

Worse than the problem we have right now.

Speaker 7 16:21

You are an angry, jealous, controlling asshole who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way.

Speaker 4 16:31

Don't you talk to me like that again. Oh shit, done, fucked up, lucas, they're coming. I told you stay out of this.

Speaker 7 16:38

If you ever touch me again, I swear to God, whoa, whoa, calm down, punch me Again, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 16:43

Whoa whoa, calm down, calm down, get the fuck off me. Get the fuck off it's me. God damn Shit, it's me. Where the fuck is, gabe.

Speaker 3 16:53

Maya, maya, maya Maya, calm down, calm down. Look, it's over. Hey, look at me, it's over. Look, you made him cry.

Speaker 2 17:04

That wasn't fair. You fucked him up. Maya, Fuck him.

Speaker 4 17:11

This way, babe, don't worry about him.

Speaker 5 17:15

You fucking dick, whoa, whoa. What the fuck did I?

Speaker 3 17:18

just miss. You ever watch bumfights. Maya fucking destroyed this dude.

Speaker 5 17:23

No shit. I heard something from outside, but I wasn't sure what was going on.

Speaker 3 17:27

Look, he's still right there on the ground, you think?

Speaker 5 17:30

she's over there. Come on, buddy, Come on, let's get up. I'll walk you up. Wrong person to pick a fight with buddy you okay.

Speaker 3 17:39

Get out of my way. I'm calling the cops. Good luck with that. You swung first Steve. Steve, who the fuck is Steve? Well, you are, see. I didn't think it was important enough to know your name, so I just kind of picked one.

Speaker 5 17:50

You see, steve there's an important lesson to have learned here, and it seems to be written on your face Get out of my way. Yeah, good looking out, brother.

Speaker 3 17:59

Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:07

Good looking out, brother Nate, two whiskeys. What the hell happened to you guys? You guys, okay, yeah, the one who started the fight just got escorted out you guys.

Speaker 3 18:19

good, I don't think he's coming back. Nate, all is well.

Speaker 2 18:24

Good man, I don't want that shit in my bar. Two whiskeys, double the price. You guys fucked around way too much. Thanks, nate. Your ex is one tough, broad dude.

Speaker 3 18:39

She sure as shit can handle her own, that's for sure.

Speaker 2 18:45

Not gonna lie, man Totally thought she was gonna hit you earlier. Hit me why I was watching from across the bar. Oh, thanks for the privacy, dickhead. You're at a bar. You have no privacy. Everyone is looking at everyone.

Speaker 3 18:59

Whatever man you want another shot, Fuck it.

Speaker 2 19:02

Why not? It's the last night of drinking for the foreseeable future.

Speaker 3 19:06

Hey Nate, another round please.

Speaker 1 19:10

It may not seem to be to the untrained eye, but they finally got over their bullshit. All it took was witnessing a savage attack and, fucked up as these two may be, they're living in high cotton. The death of their daddy brought them back together. Noah's about to be a daddy himself, and Isaac was able to conquer his fears. Isaac and Noah still have a long way to go before they learn about the world, but bless their hearts for trying. These are my boys. I love them and I'm proud of them.

Speaker 2 19:47

You know you're still an asshole. Are you gonna pay for everyone's drinks, since you're rich now? Oh, fuck you, fuck you.

Speaker 1 20:06

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies. Written and directed by Ben Gaddafi, starring Tim Welsh, ben Gaddafi, samantha Johnson, wren Soren, katie Lee Rumpf, tessa Thompson, alexander Hamilton, ryan Rumpf, nick Vodica, jason Flynn. Thank you.