The Gentle Art of Making Enemies Episode 6

The boys finally get home. After their fight, however, Noah decides he doesn't need his brother after all. Forcing Isaac to find a hotel, Noah argues with Kirsten about the funeral that is just around the corner. 

Credits: 

Noah- Tim Welch 

Kirsten- Samantha Johnson 

Gabe- Wren Soryn 

Miya- Tessa Thompson 

Lucas- Alexander Hamilton 

Pastor- Alexander Hamilton 

Bartender Nate- Nick Vodicka 

Music: 

Falconer-Swamp Shack

Will Harrison- Hustlin Man Blues 

Falconer-Traveling by Highway 

Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl 

Sound Solution Editing 

Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com 

Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi 

Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi 

For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to www.whosaysproductions.com/store 

Transcript

Setting the Scene: A Father's Funeral

Speaker 1 0:04

If I were a betting man I'd say neither of these boys wants to apologize . If you've ever had brothers yourself , you understand .

Speaker 2 0:16

Fuck you , fuck you .

Speaker 3 0:24

That harmonica was a terrible idea .

Speaker 2 0:37

You're not staying here . Dude , what Find ? Some shithole motel or something ? You're not staying here . You're serious as Dad's death . You are not welcome in my house .

Speaker 3 0:49

Whatever man , I'm fucking gone .

Speaker 4 1:04

Oh my God , what the hell happened to you .

Speaker 2 1:07

I don't want to talk about it .

Speaker 4 1:08

Why is your face bruised and where's your brother ?

Speaker 2 1:11

I told him he couldn't stay here .

Speaker 4 1:12

Noah what happened .

Speaker 2 1:15

I'm going to go lay down .

Speaker 4 1:16

What the hell , noah , I'm going to go get him .

Speaker 2 1:19

No , do not let that asshole in this house . Well , tell me what happened then . He's a selfish little prick . There is no place for him in this family anymore .

Speaker 4 1:40

Know what ? Your brother is standing there at the edge of the driveway .

Speaker 2 1:43

And .

Speaker 4 1:43

And he's your brother . Get off your ass and let him in Kirsten .

Speaker 2 1:47

this is something that I'm going to be very firm on . Isaac is not welcome in this house anymore .

Speaker 4 1:53

Well , why won't you tell me what happened then ?

Speaker 2 1:55

I don't want to talk about it , Kirsten .

Speaker 4 1:57

Well , what happened to your face ?

Speaker 2 1:59

I cut myself shaving . Please stop . You just want to lay there and wallow in your own self-pity . Look what happened is between Isaac and I . Now please just drop it . Stop . Don't look at me like that .

Speaker 4 2:14

I beg your pardon .

Speaker 2 2:16

I'm sorry , babe , I love you , I love you so much , but this is something I have to stand very firm on .

Speaker 4 2:24

Well , is he going to be at the funeral ?

Speaker 2 2:26

I don't give a shit at this point .

Speaker 4 2:28

Then what the hell was the point of going to get him ?

Speaker 2 2:30

I needed a brother . What I brought back was a fleshy patch of selfishness . What ? My brother's not there anymore . He only cares about himself , so let him care about himself . I'm done .

Speaker 1 2:43

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies . Written and directed by Ben Gaddafi .

Speaker 2 2:51

Episode 6 .

Speaker 1 2:56

Their daddy's funeral is just around the corner and in the moment , death seems to remind you of your life . It ain't that bad .

Speaker 4 3:08

Something tells me they'll be just fine .

Speaker 2 3:10

Wow , I didn't expect such a turnout ? I did . My dad was a social whore .

Speaker 4 3:14

Really .

Speaker 2 3:16

Oh yeah , his buddies were our babysitters , uncles , big brothers . The man knew everybody in town , so you think he'll show ?

Speaker 3 3:28

Who .

Speaker 4 3:28

Isaac , you thick fuck . Think he'll be here I bet you the baby's name .

Speaker 2 3:33

He doesn't show up .

Speaker 4 3:35

Oh really .

Speaker 2 3:37

You really have faith in that walnut ? He has the morals of a kid on TikTok . He probably films himself giving food to homeless people . Oh look how good I am . Somebody pat me on the back .

Speaker 4 3:48

Whatever , I'm holding you to that bet .

Speaker 2 3:51

Deal Jerry Reed Peterson , if it's a boy .

Speaker 4 3:53

Brenner Cole .

Speaker 2 3:54

Brenner .

Speaker 4 3:56

Sounds like a sandwich . Oh , it does not Ask Gabe . Gabe , yo Come over here . Stop . It's your father's funeral , quit yelling .

Speaker 2 4:05

Hasn't even started .

Speaker 4 4:06

He's not going to play your little game . Anyway , this is where you want to be when Jesus comes back .

Speaker 2 4:11

I'd rather be in Vegas .

Speaker 5 4:13

Okay good luck with that Yo ho ho bro-stachios Gabe does Brenner sound like a sandwich Brenner ?

Speaker 4 4:21

Gabe , please don't humor him .

Speaker 2 4:23

No , just answer the question . Does Brenner sound like a ?

Speaker 5 4:26

sandwich . Well , I immediately regret walking over here , guys . What's this about ?

Speaker 2 4:31

We have a bet and if I lose , we name the child fucking Brenner . Nope , I'm out .

Speaker 4 4:38

Ha told you it was worth a try .

Speaker 5 4:41

Thanks for nothing , Gabe no problem . Dickity , dickhead .

Speaker 4 4:46

Holy shit . I hope you realize I'm naming our baby Brenner Sandwich .

Speaker 6 4:52

There's no way , I'm telling you , well you , just lost a bet , look .

Speaker 2 4:59

You're shitting me . Wow , he looks like shit .

Speaker 4 5:05

Ow , be nice , you both look like raccoons God damn , it's my father's funeral . Hey , you're in a holy place . If you talk like that , again , I'm divorcing you .

Speaker 2 5:14

If I were only so lucky .

Speaker 4 5:16

You couldn't afford the child support . You degenerate . Quiet down , Quiet down everyone .

Speaker 6 5:24

We'll begin once everyone finds their seats .

Speaker 2 5:27

Isaac started this whole fucking thing , by the way , shh .

Speaker 4 5:30

I don't care , just let it go .

Speaker 6 5:40

Thank you all for coming . Everyone , we are gathered here today not to mourn the death , but to celebrate the life of Thomas Peterson . God has taken him at a time of his life that was unexpected for all of us . We will miss Thomas , but our burden is not as heavy as his two boys , noah and Isaac , who are here today to bury their father . Just five years ago , they were burdened with the tragedy of burying their mother , sharon . Noah , isaac , we are all here for you . Your family has been a pillar in this community and you too are our family as well . Just know that Thomas and Sharon will be joined again , leaving their eternal love here for eternal life in heaven . I have been asked for the eulogy to be given by his son , isaac Peterson . I cannot think of a better person to give a proper speech .

Speaker 3 6:43

Isaac , if you please . You know I thought about giving the stereotypical speech about life lessons experiences . We had funny anecdotes . What have you ? Nobody wants to hear that . That's every funeral . Seems like everybody else has that under control . I'm pretty sure I saw Dad's frat buddies in the back doing beer bongs when I walked in . So there's that Having a good time , bill .

Speaker 4 7:05

Hell yes .

Speaker 3 7:08

Yeah , there you go . There's your shout-out . I was trying to figure out what to say here tonight while being in a drunken stupor . You know it's the Peterson way , I suppose , but it really didn't work out the way I hoped . I ended up with a broken nose , bruise on my face and a pissed off brother .

Speaker 3 7:28

What I have found out about trying to write a eulogy for your own father is that we remember a great man not in times of darkness , but we remember him in the light . He was the epitome of a father teaching Noah and I a multitude of lessons . Thomas Peterson lived his life not only how he saw fit , but how he wanted others to live . A gloating man is a man who has a minuscule portion of what life is about . The man who has nothing is a man who finds everything in something . Fear will never overpower , but merely be motivation to stay one step ahead , ensuring the feeling having everything truly feels like everything . A man who has everything has no fear in letting go . My father motivated us to be the same Live in the moment , but learn through your mistakes to find a way to keep the moment alive .

Speaker 3 8:28

Our father was a wise man . He was a great husband to our mother and an even better father . One can only hope people had a life as rich as ours . He gave us everything . He may not have given us the material possessions that kid desires , but he gave us strength , discipline , courage . He gave us everything we needed and we gather to thank you , dad . Our hearts will always be filled with the love you showed everyone in this room . I hope you and Mom are happy and I wish you the best . I'll be thinking of you , thank you .

Speaker 6 9:07

Thank you , Isaac . I will now read from 1 Thessalonians 4 , 14 through 17 . Man Isaac did good , For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again .

Speaker 2 9:18

Yeah , he actually did .

Speaker 6 9:20

God will bring him those who have fallen asleep . For this we declare to you , by the word from our Lord , the power of God , you okay bud .

Speaker 3 9:44

Yeah , I'm good . I'm just letting everyone enjoy themselves . You can join . Nah , I'm alright . I still need a bit . Besides , everyone would just do the . I'm so sorry for your loss . Bullshit , I'm not in the fucking mood for that Good point Well let's do a shot Of what .

Speaker 5 9:58

What are you thinking ? I'm thinking a bomb of some sort , a little pep in the fucking mood for that Good point . Well , let's do a shot Of what . What are you thinking ? I'm thinking a bomb of some sort , a little pep in the step . Come on , let's get some liquid crack . I'm all right , dude , all right . You're sitting there talking to yourself like an old man . You're doing a bomb . Let's light the world on fire . This is our night .

Speaker 3 10:16

That's an odd example , but fuck it , I'm in .

Speaker 5 10:19

There you go , let loose . We got the whole night ahead of us . Let's celebrate your dad . Let's burn the world down .

Speaker 1 10:27

Hey Nate two Vegas bombs , please Sounds good , coming right up Isaac .

Speaker 5 10:35

Look man . I know it's tough , but we're all here for you .

Speaker 3 10:36

So , maya and I grew up with your dad too . Yeah , I know I do appreciate everything you've done , gabe .

Speaker 5 10:41

You do the same brother . When times are tough , we gotta stick

Tensions Rise: Sibling Conflict Revealed

Speaker 5 10:44

together , otherwise everything just falls apart .

Speaker 3 10:46

Yeah , sometimes I think it already did fall apart .

Speaker 5 10:49

Man , stay positive . That's just part of life . But at least now your dad's with your mom . Yeah , maybe , maybe , dude , your mom was a smoke show . No doubt your dad got laid first thing .

Speaker 3 11:01

Wonderful .

Speaker 2 11:04

Now I have the image of my parents diddling in my fucking head . Here you go , guys On the house . Sorry for your loss , Isaac .

Speaker 3 11:09

See what I mean . What did I do to piss you off , man ?

Speaker 5 11:11

No , nate , nate , You're good , he's just being a dick Stop being a dick and take your shot .

Speaker 4 11:26

You're starting to sound like Noah . Sorry , nate , I'm just being pissy , just trying to serve you some drinks To Thomas , to Thomas . Noah , you should go talk to Isaac .

Speaker 2 11:39

Why he's fine .

Speaker 4 11:41

He just lost his father .

Speaker 2 11:42

So did I Look at him , though , he looks fine . Besides the beauty mark I gave him , he's a picture of hell . Yeah , he gave you one too . Just go talk to him . I talked to him the entire trip here . The man is a boner killer .

Speaker 4 11:56

Your analogies are fucking awful . Just go over there and say something to him , please .

Speaker 2 12:01

Fine , I'll go over there and I'll call him a cunt .

Speaker 4 12:06

No wait , Don't go over there .

Speaker 2 12:08

What the hell do you want me to do ? Stay , go , fuck myself .

Speaker 4 12:12

Maya is walking over there . So so his ex-girlfriend , who he ghosted and moved to Colorado , is walking over there . Whoop-de fuck , oh , she might punch him . I kind of want to see this , oh Holy shit .

Speaker 5 12:28

Good point , dude . I know that was sick .

Speaker 7 12:34

They were like I'm out , gabe can I have a minute Whoa , sure , sure , hold on . All right , I'm going to go have a minute Whoa , whoa .

Speaker 5 12:41

Sure , sure , hold on . All right , I'm going to go have a smoke .

Speaker 3 12:46

Hey , thanks for coming , Maya .

Speaker 7 12:47

Your dad was a big part of my life too . I wouldn't have missed this for the world .

Speaker 3 12:51

Just know , I do appreciate it .

Speaker 7 12:53

So how are you ?

Speaker 3 12:55

I'm all right as good as a man who just buried his dad . Fair you , I'm good , I'm alright as good as a man who just buried his dad .

Speaker 7 13:01

There you , I'm good , I'm staying busy . I work with Gabe in the shop now .

Speaker 3 13:06

Oh , fucking A . You were always good with cars , so that makes sense . Is that sarcasm ? No , no , no , no , no , no . You taught me so much about my cars I don't even think I have the right to make fun of you .

Speaker 7 13:14

This is true .

Speaker 3 13:15

Oh , I told Noah , Dad taught me . So just a heads up , If we were in an argument he'd never let it down if I told him it was you who taught me how to work on cars .

Speaker 7 13:22

No shit , I might just go tell him now .

Speaker 3 13:25

Please don't .

Speaker 7 13:26

What Afraid of the big bad Noah .

Speaker 3 13:29

Afraid of Noah Hell ? No , I just don't want to hear him speak .

Speaker 7 13:33

You two are something else . I heard about the fights .

Speaker 3 13:36

Noah made himself out .

Speaker 7 13:39

As usual , he's got a knack for that .

Speaker 3 13:43

So how are things , or whatever . I'm not good at small talk at the moment .

Speaker 7 13:48

Isaac Peterson being short for words now , this is a first .

Speaker 3 13:52

Yeah , I know my brain's all scrambled and I'm pretty sure I left my backpack in Noah's truck , so that has me a bit disheveled at the moment .

Speaker 7 13:59

Well , you are a pretty forgetful person .

Speaker 3 14:02

Not usually .

Speaker 7 14:04

You forgot to bring your girlfriend with you to Colorado .

Speaker 3 14:08

Ew Ouch Too soon . Can I say too soon there ?

Speaker 7 14:12

Since it was five years ago , I'd say no , I just chose the wrong time to bring it up , though .

Speaker 3 14:17

Eh , go ahead . I fucked up and deserve everything you have to say .

Speaker 7 14:20

No , it's been so long and tonight isn't the night .

Speaker 3 14:25

And another night is .

Speaker 7 14:26

Look , I didn't come over here to fight . I just wanted to say my condolences and see if you were alright .

Speaker 3 14:32

I appreciate that Maya Truly . You take care , Isaac , you too . Maya , Thank you for coming .

Speaker 7 14:41

Hey , I'm going to a show at Red Rocks in a couple months . I'll be around for a couple days . Would you want to get lunch or something ?

Speaker 3 14:48

I'll go with the option or something . What does that entail , though ? Does it involve a Steely Dan CD , you sinner ?

Speaker 7 14:54

Seriously , I would like to meet up with you and chat when I'm out there , and I'm not sure how long you're going to be in town , so I figured we should talk out there . I how long you're going to be in town , so I figured we should talk out later .

Speaker 3 15:03

I would love that .

Speaker 7 15:05

Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 6 15:08

Yeah , maya Shit .

Speaker 7 15:11

I have to go . Come here now .

Speaker 3 15:13

Who's that great big ball of joy ?

Speaker 7 15:15

Currently my boyfriend .

Speaker 3 15:18

Currently . Huh , well , you take care , maya . It was good to see you , I mean it .

Speaker 7 15:24

Take care of yourself alright .

Speaker 6 15:31

What the hell do you think you're doing here ?

Speaker 7 15:33

Paying my respects . What does it matter ?

Speaker 6 15:36

He's your ex . His dad just died . Am I just supposed to say nothing to him ? I forbade you to go to the funeral in the first place , let alone the bar afterwards .

Speaker 7 15:45

And I remember telling you to get fucked . You don't remember that part .

Speaker 6 15:50

You're coming home right now .

Speaker 7 15:52

Gabe and I grew up with the Petersons . I'm just paying my respects . What's the big deal ?

Speaker 6 15:57

I'm serious , let's go .

Speaker 4 15:58

Whoa whoa , what the fuck is going on .

Speaker 6 16:01

Mind your business .

Speaker 4 16:02

Well , when you're yelling at your lady in the middle of a bar , it becomes everybody's business .

Speaker 7 16:07

Lucas , we will talk about this tomorrow .

Speaker 6 16:09

No , you're coming home right now .

Speaker 4 16:11

Shit . Noah and Isaac are staring you guys . Oh hell no .

Speaker 7 16:16

You put your hands on me again , you and I are going to have a problem .

Speaker 6 16:19

Worse than the problem we have right now .

Speaker 7 16:21

You are an angry , jealous , controlling asshole who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way .

Speaker 4 16:31

Don't you talk to me like that again . Oh shit , done , fucked up , lucas , they're coming . I told you stay out of this .

Speaker 7 16:38

If you ever touch me again , I swear to God , whoa , whoa , calm down , punch me Again , I swear to God .

Speaker 2 16:43

Whoa whoa , calm down , calm down , get the fuck off me . Get the fuck off it's me . God damn Shit , it's me . Where the fuck is , gabe .

Speaker 3 16:53

Maya , maya , maya Maya , calm down , calm down . Look , it's over . Hey , look at me , it's over . Look , you made him cry .

Speaker 2 17:04

That wasn't fair . You fucked him up . Maya , Fuck him .

Speaker 4 17:11

This way , babe , don't worry about him .

Speaker 5 17:15

You fucking dick , whoa , whoa . What the fuck did I ?

Speaker 3 17:18

just miss . You ever watch bumfights . Maya fucking destroyed this dude .

Speaker 5 17:23

No shit . I heard something from outside , but I wasn't sure what was going on .

Speaker 3 17:27

Look , he's still right there on the ground , you think ?

Speaker 5 17:30

she's over there . Come on , buddy , Come on , let's get up . I'll walk you up . Wrong person to pick a fight with buddy you okay .

Speaker 3 17:39

Get out of my way . I'm calling the cops . Good luck with that . You swung first Steve . Steve , who the fuck is Steve ? Well , you are , see . I didn't think it was important enough to know your name , so I just kind of picked one .

Speaker 5 17:50

You see , steve there's an important lesson to have learned here , and it seems to be written on your face Get out of my way . Yeah , good looking out , brother .

Speaker 3 17:59

Yeah .

Speaker 2 18:07

Good looking out , brother Nate , two whiskeys . What the hell happened to you guys ? You guys , okay , yeah , the one who started the fight just got escorted out you guys .

Speaker 3 18:19

good , I don't think he's coming back . Nate , all is well .

Speaker 2 18:24

Good man , I don't want that shit in my bar . Two whiskeys , double the price . You guys fucked around way too much . Thanks , nate . Your ex is one tough , broad dude .

Speaker 3 18:39

She sure as shit can handle her own , that's for sure .

Speaker 2 18:45

Not gonna lie , man Totally thought she was gonna hit you earlier . Hit me why I was watching from across the bar . Oh , thanks for the privacy , dickhead . You're at a bar . You have no privacy . Everyone is looking at everyone .

Speaker 3 18:59

Whatever man you want another shot , Fuck it .

Speaker 2 19:02

Why not ? It's the last night of drinking for the foreseeable future .

Speaker 3 19:06

Hey Nate , another round please .

Speaker 1 19:10

It may not seem to be to the untrained eye , but they finally got over their bullshit . All it took was witnessing a savage attack and , fucked up as these two may be , they're living in high cotton . The death of their daddy brought them back together . Noah's about to be a daddy himself , and Isaac was able to conquer his fears . Isaac and Noah still have a long way to go before they learn about the world , but bless their hearts for trying . These are my boys . I love them and I'm proud of them .

Speaker 2 19:47

You know you're still an asshole . Are you gonna pay for everyone's drinks , since you're rich now ? Oh , fuck you , fuck you .

Speaker 1 20:06

The Gentle Art of Making Enemies . Written and directed by Ben Gaddafi , starring Tim Welsh , ben Gaddafi , samantha Johnson , wren Soren , katie Lee Rumpf , tessa Thompson , alexander Hamilton , ryan Rumpf , nick Vodica , jason Flynn . Thank you .