The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Amidst the chaos of a family tragedy, two brothers confront their past and the choices that drove them apart. When Isaac refuses to go to his father's funeral, his brother Noah drives to Colorado to perform a good old fashioned kidnapping.
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies Full Length
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Amidst the chaos of a family tragedy, two brothers confront their past and the choices that drove them apart. When Isaac refuses to go to his father's funeral, his brother Noah drives to Colorado to perform a good old fashioned kidnapping. The full length is every episode played continuously with some changes throughout. Scene changes, dialogue, music, etc. Can you find them?
Credits:
Noah- Tim Welch
Kirsten- Samantha Johnson
Gabe- Wren Soryn
Miya- Tessa Thompson
Waitress- Tessa Thompson
Harmony- Tessa Thompson
Dahlia- Katie Leigh Roumpf
Pastor- Alexander Hamilton
Lucas- Alexander Hamilton
Trucker: Alexander Hamilton
Dealer 1- Alexander Hamilton
Dealer 2- Ryan Roumpf
Jacob- Ryan Roumpf
Dahlia- Katie Leigh Roumpf
Isaac- Ben Kadaffi
Benny- Ben Kadaffi
Bar Tender 1- Nick Vodicka
Mechanic- Nick Vodicka
Bartender Nate- Nick Vodicka
Music:
WEARETHEGOOD, Lynnea-Outrun-
Lance Conrad- Crossing the high Desert
The Ghosts of Liberty- Roanoke River
Duncan Spencer- Satisfaction
Biddy Sullivan- Fire and Bones
My My Snake Eyes- On a Good Day
Sightless in Shadow- Nosebleed Section
The Ghosts of Liberty-Daddy’s Daughter
The Grateful 7- Offbeat Combinations-Remixed and lyrics added by Ben Kadaffi as Bootylicious
Captain Qubz-Big Bad Boss
Slpstrm-across the delta episode
Falconer-Swamp Shack
Will Harrison- Hustlin Man Blues
Falconer-Traveling by Highway
Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl
Sound Solution Editing
Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com
Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi
Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi
For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to whosaysproductions.com/store
Introduction to the Dysfunction
Speaker 1What's the damage? 29. 29?, fuck you. I'm just stealing my fucking wallet, you don't like?
Speaker 3it I can take you to Thumpback.
Speaker 1Whoa, whoa, whoa, fine, fuck man, here's your fucking money. Fucking psycho. Ugh, these fucking people.
Speaker 2There's something a man despises about hitching a ride from someone. They feel they aren't in control of the situation. But sometimes a man must face the fact that they are the very reason control was lost in the first place. This is Noah. He's a hyper-intelligent man with a passion stronger than Atlas, trying to hold up the world. His anger, however, makes him one of the dumbest fucks this side of the Mississippi. See, noah got in a heated argument with his wife the night before he decided to test fate. Well, let's see what fate has in store for a man letting anger make the decision for him.
Speaker 4Hey, there see you hoofing it. Looks to me like you need a vehicle. Nope, not interested. Oh, of course you're not interested yet I could pique your interest really quick. I can tell you're a man of taste.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, can you also tell I'm about to get an assault charge for putting your teeth down your goddamn throat, all righty.
Speaker 5Okay, I see you're humping. It Looks to me like you need a new vehicle.
Speaker 1Fuck off you fuckers hunting packs. Get a new script, dude.
Speaker 6Hey, hey guys. No, no, no new script. Dude Guys, we're just admiring the work on your truck. Oh yeah, oh, hey, hey, steve, answer the phone. Gabe, what do you mean? Yeah, four blown tires, four bent rims, axle damage and a dead pigeon in the grill. The guys are gonna talk some shit. Matter of fact, I was talking shit with them. Let them I make more than they do. The dealership isn't a place you want to say that too loud. Nothing but vultures around here.
Speaker 1Damn. They tried to figure me already and you turned them down. What I think? I'd rather be taken out back and shot.
Speaker 8Well, they would still get in there, buddy, and take your billfold.
Speaker 1Billfold, what are you fucking? 90?
Speaker 8You're so funny, Noah.
Speaker 1You still dating lick-ass Maya.
Speaker 8His name is Lucas.
Speaker 6And yes, I am. Why? What do you mean? Because he hasn't ghosted her yet, like your brother. Fair enough.
Speaker 8Fuck you here. Toyota's done.
Speaker 1Saw your truck, Noah. How'd you manage to get quarters in the radiator? I hit a couple parking meters. Fuck you for asking.
Speaker 6Why am I not surprised? Sure, you didn't just forget to tighten the lug. Nuts again, hardy, fucking hard.
Speaker 8Hardy fucking hard and you make fun of me for saying billfold. Shut up, Gabe. Are Josh and Tyler working on the Cadillacs?
Speaker 6Yeah, yeah, yeah, just please make sure they don't scratch the paint.
Speaker 8I'm on it. Good to see you, Noah. Happy birthday.
Speaker 1Yay me, what do.
Speaker 6I owe you. Well, you know I'm not 100% sure yet. I did get you the employee discount but it's going to take a few days to get the rims in your wife. Cool with chauffeuring you around a bit.
Speaker 1We'll find out. I kind of pissed her off already.
Speaker 6You mean with the truck or something else?
Speaker 1Well, I'm sure she already has a list of all my offenses.
Speaker 6Well, that doesn't surprise me Not that I want to but if she refuses, I'll pick you up from work later. Thanks, man, I appreciate it. Gabe, it is your birthday, after all. It was either this or listen to you bitch and whine about it later.
Speaker 1Fuck you douchebag. Call me later.
Speaker 6I don't have to fucking pick you up, bud. I'll make sure I keep those lug nuts nice and loose for you. I know it's the way you like it.
Speaker 4You look great in an SUV, is that?
Speaker 7so what's your name?
Speaker 9It's Kirsten. I can see that you look like a Kristen, kirsten.
Speaker 4I can see you falling in love with a guy like me, Kristen.
Speaker 9Are all of you guys dressed like a serial rapist?
Speaker 1Oh, look at you Batting for both teams. Huh, what Shit. It's him. You were just hitting on me a second ago. Now you switch up to my fucking wife, your wife.
Speaker 9Yep, pregnant to you. Fucking weirdo, don't get off my car, oh.
Speaker 1Come on, kit, you don't want to fuck up your quota, do?
Speaker 9you shut up and get in the car. Happy birthday, babe.
Speaker 1Oh, and what a happy birthday I'm having.
Speaker 9Hey, this is what happens when you drive your truck in a fit of rage. Now shut the hell up and accept the fact that I'm saying happy birthday at all.
Speaker 1I'm sorry, thank you, and thank you for picking me up.
Speaker 9Have you heard from Isaac yet?
Speaker 1My brother. He's probably busy doing a line off some dude's boner in an Applebee's bathroom. Run now, run better, run now. Keep on running till the sun goes down.
Speaker 10Run now, run better. Run now, Run all day till you can be found.
A Birthday to Remember: A Series of Misfortunes
Speaker 2You can outrun the devil, but you ain't gonna outrun me. The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, written and directed by Ben Gaddafi. Meanwhile, at Noah's work, a co-worker drives him up the wall, already having a bad birthday. He just can't help but make matters worse. The poor bastard will soon find out how trivial all of this truly is.
Speaker 7My wife and I took a little drive in the pickup this weekend.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, yep, we like finding bridges to drive on.
Speaker 7Sounds interesting. There's this bridge down by the zoo. It's called the Mormon Bridge. If you get a chance this weekend, you should drive over it.
Speaker 1It's pretty neat, wait, the Mormon Bridge, yeah, the Mormon Bridge, the Mormon Bridge is on I-680, bud what North Omaha?
Speaker 1the Warrants area near Ponca Hills. I grew up out there. What? The Mormon Bridge? Yes, the Mormon Bridge. I'm pretty sure the Mormon Bridge is down by the zoo near Council Bluffs. It goes over the Missouri down there. You know there are a couple bridges that cross the Missouri River down there. It's not the Mormon Bridge, not the Mormon Bridge. My God, man, I feel like I'm playing. Who's on First? What's on first? Now? No, who's on first, what's on second?
Speaker 7No, never mind. Never mind, oh, you mean that old Babe Costello.
Speaker 1Are you fucking kidding me? Lou, lou Costello, what? Bud Abbott, lou Costello, brad Abbott, babe Costello Are you? You can't be this fucking stupid. I don't think you know who wrote what's on first. Who, who what? This has got to be a joke, noah. Roll call. It's not the fucking Mormon Bridge, benny, I'm pretty sure it is. You're a fucking idiot. Mr Frederick Noah called me an idiot. He sure did.
Speaker 5I'll be right outside Let me know when you're done. That's suspicious, Jacob. What's up? Just take the phone call. Who is it? Just pick up the phone.
Speaker 1If this is some birthday sing-a-gram, shit dude, I swear to God?
Speaker 5No, it's not. You yell every year about how you don't want anything and none of us fucking get you anything. Is this retaliation?
Speaker 1for Benny, then I've tried to be nice to him. It's not my fault, he's half-tarded.
Speaker 5It's not his fault either. You know that he had that stroke when he was reading Charlotte's Web.
Speaker 1I didn't say the whole word, I said half-tarded. There's a big difference. There's a big difference.
Speaker 5The only thing tarted is what just came out of your mouth. Now pick up the phone. Simple, jack, am I fired or something? If I was gonna fire you, it would have been a long fucking time ago. Then what is it? God damn it. Noah, just pick up the fucking phone and take the phone. Call, are?
Speaker 1you fucking with me. I'm I'm walking out.
Speaker 5What the fuck is going on this is Noah, yeah what.
Speaker 11That happened this morning. No, I'm fine.
Speaker 1Thank you, officer, I do appreciate the call.
Speaker 5Fuck, I don't know what you said. You all right, noah, my dad just died. Yeah, they told me before I came to get you. How did he end up? Passing An aneurysm, I guess. Noah, if you want to go home for the day, you are more than welcome. I can get Benny to rub his two brain cells together and cover the rest of the shift, noah.
Speaker 1Dude, I think I'd much rather just finish out my shift, that's alright. Don't think going home would be the best thing right now?
Speaker 5Are you sure you only have a couple things to put away and inventory can wait. I'm not going to have Benny do it, I'm sure.
Speaker 11I appreciate the offer, man. It's the worst thing for me right now. It would be to go home and wallow in my own self-pity.
Speaker 5Whatever you want, just know the offer still stands, and I know it's probably not the time, but if you need to talk, dude, I'm here. I appreciate it, jacob, thank you, seriously, not a problem. You owe me a new fucking office phone, though. Shit, dude, I'm so sorry. Office phone though. Ah, shit, dude, I'm so sorry, jacob. I'm already tense and this just made me fly right off the handle. Dude, I'm sorry. Hey, I get it, I'm just fucking with you. Anyways, I have an extra in the parts room. Now go and make sure Benny hasn't set the place on fire, please.
Speaker 10All right man.
Speaker 1Are you still sweeping? God damn it, benny. Well, yeah, I had your area in mind. It's twice the work. You know. There's only this pile left. What the hell have you been doing? Oh, sweeping. Hey Noah, why do they call them sperm whales? It's kind of dirty when you think about it. You know, I saw this TV special about sperm whales and they said they were dinosaurs. Dinosaurs lived on land. So that can't be true.
Speaker 5Jake, I changed my mind.
Speaker 2Noah just got delivered some soul-crushing news about his daddy. Now I may not be the smartest man, but I'd say this would only add to Noah's frustration Seeing how he deals with day-to-day stress. There's a life lesson here. Be the smartest man, but I'd say this would only add to Noah's frustration seeing how he deals with day to day stress. There's a life lesson here, but it just flies right over his head.
Speaker 1Thanks, jacob, I owe you one man If you don't owe me shit.
Speaker 5Just let me know if you need anything else We'll be fine.
Speaker 1Better go make sure Benny didn't stick his dick in the electric socket while you were out Fuck.
Speaker 9Alright, I'm so sorry. It's been one hell of a birthday, huh. Is there anything I can do?
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1It's fine.
Speaker 9No, it's not fine. Your dad just died. I can't imagine what you're going through.
Speaker 1Well, continuously talking about it isn't helping.
Speaker 9Uh, excuse me, Do you want to check your tone?
Speaker 1I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help.
Speaker 9I get it. You don't want to talk. I'll give you a pass on this one. Tell you what why don't you go take a hot shower and I'll get dinner going?
Speaker 1I think I'm just going to go grab a beer and head to the garage for a bit.
Speaker 9You do you, I'll be right here.
Speaker 11You'll be waiting in the entryway.
Speaker 9Oh shut it, mister, don't make me poison your food, only if I'll be waiting in the entryway.
Speaker 1Oh, shut it, mister, don't make me poison your food. Only if I can be so lucky.
Speaker 9Oh hey, by the way, you have a bunch of mail. It looks like you got a package from Isaac.
Speaker 1Fucking wonderful.
Speaker 9Oh, shut up, I'd be happy that he sent you anything.
Speaker 1Hey, Kirsten.
Speaker 9Yeah, baby.
Speaker 1I love you, thank you.
Speaker 11Quit being a little bitch and go listen to bad music in the garage. Did you miss me? Alright, isaac, let's see what weird bullshit you got me this year.
Speaker 5What the hell is this? Tampons that son of a bitch. Here's a cupboard, Don't fuffle you little shit, hey.
Speaker 11happy birthday, Noah.
Speaker 1I know how much you love to overreact, so I got you something to help with that, open your fountain shaped gift and get ready for a surprise.
Speaker 11If there is a dildo in this tube, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
Speaker 9Hey, did you hear what the fuck happened to you?
Speaker 1I'm still trying to figure that out.
Speaker 9Looks like a stripper, farted on you.
Speaker 5I'm gonna fucking kill Isaac, that's why I'm here.
Speaker 9Has he called you yet?
Facing Down Anger: The Fallout of Grief
Speaker 1Nope, and he's definitely gonna get a fucking phone call from me, though. Happy birthday, fuckface Dude. What the fuck I take it? You got my present, dude. I'm gonna kill you, figured you'd like it.
Speaker 5Isaac, I swear to God.
Speaker 1Shut up. You sent me a box of human shit on my birthday.
Speaker 5Dude, I swear to.
Speaker 1God, dude, I have something to tell you. Isaac, isaac, For the love of God, dad's fucking dead. What I found out a couple hours ago. Dad passed away this morning. Oh my God, how Aneurysm. They said he collapsed in the yard, holy shit. Yeah, I'm gonna go talk to the mortuary tomorrow to find out when the service is.
Speaker 3Keep me posted. Man, what mortuary.
Speaker 1John A.
Speaker 11Gentleman.
Speaker 1How are you doing? Are you alright? I will be. I'm still trying to process all this and now, thanks to you, I look like a stripper farted on me, don't you be?
Speaker 3taking my lines. Time to get a glitter bomb. Happy birthday, I guess.
Speaker 11Yeah, whoopty fucking fuck.
Speaker 1I'll call you tomorrow. I love you like a sister, little brother. Okay, asshole, I'll call you tomorrow.
Speaker 3Sounds good man.
Speaker 9So how'd he take it?
Speaker 1Like he didn't have a glitter bomb go off in his face.
Speaker 9Well, please clean yourself up before you come back in. That shit is a pain in the ass to clean and I don't want it all over the house.
Speaker 11That little prick. I'm gonna throw him in Dad's casket for this one.
Speaker 5The fuck just happened, jesus Christ.
Speaker 8I got it to light, but this lighter's on its last legs. What's wrong? Oh my god, are you gonna throw up? Please don't tell me you're gonna throw up.
Speaker 3I don't want to have to babysit the drunk guy.
Speaker 8My dad just died. What, oh my god.
Speaker 1I'm so sorry, thank you. Did you just throw a whole joint on the ground and stomp it out?
Speaker 10Yeah, I did.
Speaker 8Is there anything I can do?
Speaker 1God, I don't know, I think, I'm just still in shock.
Speaker 8I get it. I don't know how I'd take that news either, God it's just so wild.
Speaker 3I talked to him yesterday.
Speaker 8I will totally have sympathy sex with you if you want.
Speaker 1Hey answer your phone from time to time. Dick milk Delivery for you. I shut off my fucking phone. I think Isaac made some Craigslist ad with my number on it. I keep getting calls for some fucking fruit cup bondage marathons. Whatever the fuck that means what.
Speaker 6Fucking gross dude. I was going to call your wife to get a hold of you, but it seems like you need to call Jesus. Shut up. Is this Dad's truck? Sure the hell is. It's amazing, the thing still runs the way it does.
Speaker 1I finished his tune-up the night before he passed, so I couldn't give it back man, this little shitbox just needed a tune-up.
Speaker 6That's surprising. What's surprising? It has 400,000 miles on it. How long has he had it Since I was a kid? But, damn, he did so much work on it over the years. I think that was when I just met you guys. Yep, you had just moved down the street from us. I seem to recall your dad named the truck, didn't he have a name for it?
Speaker 1Loretta, he could never fix this goddamn lock though.
Speaker 6You couldn't either. Could you Honestly forgot about it? It broke a couple months after he bought it, though, didn't it? I vaguely remember that from when we were kids.
Speaker 1Isaac and his dumbass friends broke it playing cops and robbers.
Speaker 6You know, I actually do remember that.
Speaker 1Little dickhead tried blaming me for it and I was at the lake with mom that day I could hear Isaac screaming down the street.
Speaker 6Shit, that was hilarious, fucking banshee cry.
Speaker 1The kid could shatter glass.
Speaker 6Little shit blamed everything on me, yeah, but he got busted that time, speaking of which, how did he take the news?
Speaker 1He barely said a fucking word. Really, yeah, really, wow. Sorry to hear that man. You're a good friend, Gabe. Thank you Really. Wow, Sorry to hear that man. You're a good friend, Gabe, Thank you.
Speaker 6Thank you for grabbing this Dude, don't worry about it. Tom was basically my dad too. I mean, maya and I were at your house almost every single day. I mean, your mom even had a place at the table for us. I was even a pallbearer at her funeral too, and I appreciate that, brother.
Speaker 1I really do. Speaking of which, do you have time to come to the mortuary with me?
Speaker 6I got you covered there too. Your wife called me this morning since you're too busy having phone sex. Everything is covered, I guess what Cost of the casket, funeral, everything.
Speaker 1How he lost his fucking life insurance when the meatpacking plant closed.
Speaker 6You got me. They said it was an anonymous party, so maybe somebody higher up in the plant felt obligated, who knows? The good news is everything's paid for, so we just need to organize everybody. You down to carry the old bastard's casket. You know it, I can get my dad too.
Speaker 1I don't even want to call him, but I'll let Isaac know that fucker sent me a goddamn glitter bomb yesterday and I'm fucking pissed.
Speaker 6You gotta admit it is pretty good timing. Terrible timing. Get the fuck out of here. Hey, your dad just died.
Speaker 1Happy birthday I just found out my dad died. I didn't think I'd end up looking like some fucking stripper farted on me.
Speaker 6Well, I laughed, oh I will be when I fucking hurt him. Take me back to work before you call him. I do not want to hear you two bitch back and forth Worse than a couple of white girls on Cinco de Mayo. I kind of want to break his nose. I'm not going to lie. Hey, just wait until after the funeral. Think about it. Your wife goes into labor placenta in the pews, me gagging. Nobody needs that, especially me Please. Not funny.
Speaker 1Get in Loretta and shut the fuck up. I'll drive you back to work.
Speaker 6Do you want me to go ahead and fix that lock when we get back in the shop?
Speaker 2Nah, it's kinda nostalgic at this point Getting possession of his childhood truck, noah started feeling a little better about everything. Sometimes a man just needs to remember the good times he had with family and get his mind clear. Brothers always know how to get under each other's skin, so for Noah to slip into a better mood, daddy's truck was just the right medicine. God forbid Isaac presses any more buttons.
Speaker 1When you finally come out, we're gonna teach you so much about how your mom's side of the family is nuts. If you meet a man named Chuck, run far away. He will fill your head with the most random shit.
Speaker 9Don't swear when you talk to the baby.
Speaker 1How else am I supposed to communicate with him?
Speaker 9I don't know. Write it a letter or something. Just don't swear at him when you're laying on my belly.
Speaker 1Don't listen to her. I'm going to teach you all the ways to use the word fuck in a sentence.
Speaker 9I mean it, get your head off my belly if you're going to talk like that.
Speaker 1Shit fuck camel toe ass donkey cunt.
Speaker 9Ow, I warned you, knock it off.
Speaker 1You tried to assault me with that book again. I'm going to plant Isaac's cocaine on you and I will call the sheriff. What are you reading anyway?
Speaker 9The Butcher of Bronson Street.
Speaker 1Sounds like a Sweeney Todd ripoff. Is the author RL Stine oh for fuck, god damn it. Oh, not so easy, is it? Shut up and let me read. Now's probably a good time to tell you your mother is illiterate, so I will probably be the one to teach you how to read.
Speaker 9Oh my God, Did you call your brother and give him the details? Yet Shit Language.
Speaker 1Can you call him? I can picture him ugly crying, already Suck it up and call Isaac.
Speaker 9Okay, he deserves the details from his own brother.
The Importance of Brotherhood Amid Loss
Speaker 1Fine, hello. Hey, little brother, I got word from the mortuary today. Yeah, I guess somebody already paid for the whole thing, so I'm not going to need any money from you. Well, that's good it works out, because I know you probably spent it all on blow. Anyway, why do you always assume I'm this fucking degenerate junkie dickhead? Well, when you spend all your time posting pictures of you smoking weed on Instagram the amount of posts I know you don't have a job. Great detective work Officer Dippy. How do you know about my Instagram? Anyway, you use a flip phone, kirsten shows me when you upload your onesie photos.
Speaker 9Quit picking a fight. Just tell him what he needs to know.
Speaker 1Sorry, it's alright. What? No, I'm talking to my wife. It's alright. What? Noah, I'm talking to my wife. Wake is on Friday, funeral's on Saturday. Just make sure you're here by Thursday.
Speaker 1I'll buy you a suit. Why would you buy me a suit? Uh, you're gonna be a pallbearer so you need to look sharp. I can't have you dressed like. You're high on molly, noah, don't argue, isaac, it's a funeral. We need to match anyway. So I'll get it. It's fine, noah, I'm not coming. What? I can't? What do you mean? You can't? It's Dad's funeral. I don't know if I can handle another parental funeral. Are you fucking kidding me? I know you aren't going to understand. I just feel I would crumble if I were there. I wouldn't be any help. So let me get this straight. You refuse to go to your father's funeral because you're afraid of how it's gonna make you feel. I knew you weren't gonna understand. Oh, I understand. This is the most self-centered bullshit I think I've ever heard. I'll send flowers, isaac. I swear to Christ, if you do not come to this, I'm gonna bury you with him. He fucking hung up, the fucking prick hung up.
Speaker 1Oh shit, here we go. Oh, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna fucking kill him.
Speaker 9Remember when the counselor told you to sit and breathe when you're upset? I'm not upset, I'm pissed. Baby, calm down, sit down and put your arms above your head. Noah, it's gonna be okay. You hear me? There's no need to worry about Isaac at the moment. We're gonna get through this.
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1That spoiled little shit is not gonna skip out on his father's funeral. Noah, I'm gonna go get him For fuck's sake, noah, he's 700 miles away.
Speaker 9Don't you dare leave this fucking house right now. Kirsten, I am sorry I have to. Noah, you asshole, I don't want you driving pissed off. That's why your truck is in the shop in the first place. Noah, I'll be back in a day or so. Fuck, are you gay or something? Fuck, they're both fucking assholes. Son of a bitch, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Speaker 3Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Oh, what the fuck? Holy shit Fuck dude. What the?
Speaker 8hell, God. What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh my God, there's blood everywhere.
Speaker 1You deserve that. I hope you know that I'm fucking bleeding. Dude, I have your attention now, though don't I? How the hell did you get in here? The window was open. Could have fucking knocked, bro I did on your face. Notice the pain you're experiencing. The window was open, you could've fucking knocked, bro I did on your face, Notice the pain you're experiencing. Fuck, it's definitely broken. Fucker, fucker, ugh. Hold on, hold on, stop. Oh shit, oh shit, calm down, that's my brother, fuck.
Speaker 9Your brother. Yes, what kind of fucked up Fight Club family is this Fuck man?
Speaker 1I think she broke a fucking rib. Good, I hope she did.
Speaker 8God damn it. I'm fucking leaving. This shit is too weird for me.
Speaker 2Family reunions can be tough, especially when your face collides with your brother's fist. Noah and Isaac can never seem to get along. A death in the family you'd think would bring unity. These two don't have the emotional capacity to brush things off. They're polar opposites that have one thing in common they're both assholes.
Speaker 1You got an ice pack. If I did, it'd be in the freezer now, wouldn't it? I'm using a steak you don't know how to cook anyway. You're literally just trying to add insult to injury. I had no idea your nose could bleed so much. You owe me new sheets, dude.
Speaker 3Sorry about all this Dahlia.
Speaker 8Call me later Isaac.
Speaker 1Sorry for scaring you, darling. Don't even start, Noah.
Speaker 1I'm not your darling dickhead, well what should I call you then, dahlia? Why did I ask Isaac, can you hurry the fuck up? How's your back feel? She's cute? Did you meet her in the police station? Do not be an asshole for two fucking seconds. Only if you tell me what her asshole looks like, is it bleached? Oh, fuck off. Noah, no, fuck you. Now pack a fucking bag and get in the goddamn truck. Why does it matter so much if I come or not? You don't even fucking like me. No, I love you Because I have to, but this isn't for you and I. This is bigger than us. Here comes the guilt trip. This is for Thomas Peterson, our father, the man who bent over backwards for us, his entire life yeah well, so did Mom, and we respected her with a proper funeral.
Speaker 1Now we're going to do the same thing for Dad. You inconsiderate, prick Inconsiderate. You just broke into my apartment Because you refused to come home. What's your point? My point you just assaulted me in my bed and scared Dahlia half to death, to the point she had to defend me with a fucking baseball bat. That's my point, you mook. You have women fighting all your battles for you, mama's boy. I'm surprised you remember this one's name. Oh, fuck you. No, fuck you. Now go pack your stuffed animals and your Taylor Swift CDs so we can go. No one uses compact discs anymore. Dude, dude, I don't give a shit. You were absolutely psychotic. You know that you drove throughout the middle of the night to come kidnap your brother. For what? To prove a point To who? Yourself? You want to be real careful with your next few words Isaac, oh, what Can?
Speaker 7the big strong man not handle a funeral by himself. Get bent.
Speaker 3That's it, fine, I'll go pack a bag you happy.
Speaker 1Jesus Want me to find some Prozac while I'm at it. What was that? Nothing, love you. Whoa hold on. Is this Dad's truck? Yep.
Speaker 7How did you get it?
Speaker 1It was awarded to the son who wanted to go to his funeral. Is that comment necessary? Yep, you know this trip would be a lot easier if you quit being so fucking confrontational. Is that the Denver pussy speaking? Are you going to tell me how to focus my chi? Shred some gnar. Sticky, sticky dickhole bro. It's sticky gnar. You know what? Never mind, whatever, it all sounds like a circle jerk to me. Forget, I spoke. I usually do. Why are you taking Highway 30? The speed limit's like 55. I thought you'd appreciate taking the long way home, since you were so adamant on not coming home in the first place.
Speaker 3Doesn't mean I want to sit in a silent truck with my loving older brother.
Speaker 1Can we at least turn on the radio in this shitbox? No, why not? I just drove 700 miles in a truck with over 400,000 miles on it, at an average speed of 100 miles an hour. So, so I want to take the strain off the engine on the way back. I need to listen to it. I'll just keep talking. Then Do that and I'll hog tie you and throw you in the bed of the truck. The rest of the way Seems a bit excessive. But okie dokie, point taken, can we at least stop for something to eat? I'm starving. Nope, we'll grab some pork grains on the next stop. We have plenty of time, man. Let's stop for one meal. You probably haven't eaten since last night either, I'm sure kidnapping builds up an appetite.
Speaker 1I think you have a mouse, a cookie, what, no, no, what. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh Jesus, save me from this man. Noah, I know you're tired. I can see the luggage under your eyes. It looks like you're flying to Beirut. Food will probably help keep you awake for the drive. You're probably right, I'll stop at the next town. Thank you, we wouldn't be in this situation if you would just have agreed to come home. Not my fault, you're fucking mental. Want to bet I got 50 bucks on your uncanny ability to avoid saying you're wrong.
Confronting the Past: Family Dynamics Explored
Speaker 10Look, we will stop but if you try anything funny, I'm gonna zip tie you to the passenger door. All right, uh.
Speaker 1What the hell are you doing? Sending a text With a flip phone To whom? My wife. What does it matter? It matters because the constant beeping of your archaic phone is driving me up the fucking wall. What are you trying to type? I'm telling her we're going to be home by 3 pm tonight.
Speaker 3Sent. She knows when we'll be home.
Speaker 1What? Why are you looking at me like that? What are you doing with my wife's number? What? What the hell are you doing with my wife's number? I asked for pictures of her beeve. Relax, dude, it's my sister-in-law. You jealous bastard. Of course I have her number. I don't know why I'd be jealous of a man who picks up lot lizards named Dahlia. Whatever dude, that chick's hot as fuck, not too bright, though you know, dahlia is the symbol for dignity. What of it? Well, not too much dignity in a three-day dick-bender with your dumbass. You really want to pick a fight in public right now. What's the matter, isaac? You afraid somebody's going to overhear that you've got herpes. You're such a dick. At least my dick is disease free. Does it make you feel better sleeping with those loose women?
Speaker 7You're just pissed.
Speaker 1You got your ass kicked by a 100 pound woman. She came out of the shadows like the goddamn bear Jew and hit me with a baseball bat. I wouldn't necessarily say that was a fair fight.
Speaker 3Repeatedly.
Speaker 1You forgot to say repeatedly Whatever, at least I'm not sleeping with Tweedle dumbass like she is. It's frightening how funny you think you are. Look, I got breakfast. You get the tip. I'm gonna go use the restroom, finish your food, pay the tip, check the oil in the truck. I'm gonna be a minute. Yes, sir Rick.
Speaker 10Is this food okay?
Speaker 4This'll do just fine, darling. Thank you. How are you honey? Oh, I've had better days. My rig broke down just outside of Colton.
Speaker 8Well, ain't that just a pit?
Speaker 4Yes, ma'am, I'm hauling machine parts that have to be delivered on location by Thursday. Sounds like your only mechanic in town is booked for the next couple days.
Speaker 8Yeah, there isn't much around here, so Tommy gets pretty busy with the highway traffic.
Speaker 2Seems like.
Speaker 4Well, you got any recommendations for recreation around here.
Speaker 8Well, we have a dancer's club, the Wintergreen Wallaby, and we have a couple of bars, but that's about it.
Speaker 11I'll be sure to check them out.
Speaker 4Thanks again, Darlin.
Speaker 3Oh, the things you hear while eavesdropping Did you check the oil, yep, all good.
Speaker 7Do you even know how I probably should have asked you before I had you do it?
Speaker 1I know how to check the oil. Yep, all good. Do you even know how? I probably should have asked you before I had you do it. I know how to check the fucking oil. Noah, what the fuck did you do?
Speaker 3What.
Speaker 1What the fuck did you do to the truck? This truck is almost as old as dirt and you think it's my fault? Fuck, did you stick fruit in the tailpipe or something? I didn't axle fully? The fucking truck, noah, are you seriously checking for fruit, isaac? Are you seriously checking for fruit?
Speaker 9Isaac Noah.
Speaker 1Dude, I swear to God, what did you do? It's a 40-year-old truck. Shit's bound to happen, not when Gabe just worked on it. Fuck, maybe he forgot something. Son of a bitch. Calm down, dude. You're sabotaging little shit. I leave you alone for ten minutes with the truck and now it won't start. This is fucking great, just fucking great. Call a mechanic. It's Little America. I'm sure even Granny Mae serving up grits in there is a fucking mechanic. Get the fuck out of here, dude. The woman's built like a Buick. Have her come out and take a look. Quit being a fucking smartass and look up a shopper on your fucking phone no service, sorry. You just texted my wife. I got lucky. It went through.
Speaker 7Just go inside and ask Fuck.
Speaker 1Two days. You can't look at it any sooner. I have to get to my father's funeral. Yeah, I appreciate it, brother. We're at the Highland Motel at by, yeah, yep, just by the diner.
Speaker 2Yep, room 9. Thank you, bye.
Speaker 1Great Stuck with Captain Dirty Dick. You know, I'm genuinely impressed with the durability of that phone after having you as an owner More reliable than my brother. Great joke, bill Burr Wasn't a joke. Whatever man Sounds like, we're stuck here for a minute or two. Huh, stop reminding me, dude. I'm gonna go take a shower and then call Kirsten to come get us. Don't fuck with my toiletries, what like? I'm gonna piss in your shaving cream or something. Your dick's small enough. You wish R Kelly. What about the truck? R Kelly did the pissing. Wait what? Oh Jesus, I'm having a Benny flashback. Look, I can pay for whatever needs to be done and get it after the funeral.
Speaker 1Kirsten's stuck doing all the prep work for it and we gotta be there to help her. Neato, it's your fault. We're in the mess in the first place. My fault, how is it? My fault, dude? I told you to check the oil and all of a sudden the truck won't start. I can't prove it, but you know you had something to do with the sabotage of the goddamn trip. I appreciate the trust you have in me, dude. Whatever I'm jumping in the shower, you should call her now. What? Yeah, call Kirsten now, before you forget why I want to hear her rip you a new asshole. You call her, remember you have her number. Nah, I'm good on that.
Speaker 5She scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 11That's what I thought, what I'm gonna kill him, fuck this.
Speaker 5I don't know if the mind trick is used on this place. But if he tries that shit on me I'll fucking brain him.
Speaker 1He has to be adopted. He has to leave. There's so fucking many of the Peterson genes in that asshole's body. I wouldn't be surprised if he's a bastard son of Ted Kaczynski. Why the fuck do I care? Why do I even care about it? I'm coming to the fucking funeral.
Speaker 5If it doesn't give a shit, why should I? Why am I standing here talking to myself? I always talk to myself when I'm hungry.
Speaker 11I should just eat something. How the fuck will that little fuck find a place that's open?
Speaker 1Hey.
Speaker 11I had a thought.
The Funeral: A Moment of Reckoning
Speaker 1Shit when the hell did he go now? Oh great, what the hell does this note say? Dear Fuckface, as riveting listening to you shower may seem, I decided to get out of the room and find a bar. Love you Go, fuck yourself. Fucking little bastard, what'd I get? Yeah, where's the nearest bar? Hey, have you seen a goofy looking guy? Bruises under his eyes from a broken nose? Looks like he plays George Michael on repeat.
Speaker 8Never mind, I can hear his mating call down there.
Speaker 1Oh, you totally should Ever been to Denver. It's amazing this time of year Cool in the city, cold enough in the mountains to still ski or snowboard. Ah, shit, shit, shit. Here comes my brother who, get up, we're leaving, no dude. Here comes my brother. Hello, get up, we're leaving. No dude. I'm talking with someone. I met a friend.
Speaker 3I don't believe I've actually caught your name.
Speaker 7You are.
Speaker 8My name is Harmony.
Speaker 1Of course it is Harmony. That's a gorgeous name. My name's Isaac. This is my older special needs brother, noah.
Speaker 8Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1Let's go, dude. I'm talking with Harmony and having a drink. I'm not leaving. She's gonna drug the shit out of you and harvest your kidneys. Let's go.
Speaker 8Oh, oh, no, I'm a vegetarian.
Speaker 1What in the actual fuck?
Speaker 8It means I don't eat meat.
Speaker 1Congratulations, Isaac. She's dumber than the last one. You need some Xanax or something, bro, here have my beer.
Speaker 3Maybe a miracle will happen with a little booze and you'll have a come-to-Jesus moment.
Speaker 1So what do you do for a living Harmony?
Speaker 8I'm a dancer.
Speaker 1Oh, that's cool. What kind Ballet Cheerleader for the cowboys, maybe a backup dancer for Beyonce.
Speaker 8No, no, no, I dance at the wintergreen wallaby this hurts to listen to.
Speaker 1Don't mind him, he's a Neanderthal. Wintergreen wallaby that's a cool name. Why do they call it that? Probably because their c-section scars make them look like fucking marsupials what the fuck, noah?
Speaker 11hey, you can't talk to my regulars like that buddy.
Speaker 1I am so sorry.
Speaker 8I'm gonna go sit over there.
Speaker 1There's a pole in the corner. You can dry hump. You want me to play some? Color Me Bad. Oh my god, just stop. Yeah, you're right. She probably only dances to WAP Dude, would you shut off the dick switch for thirty fucking seconds. Oh, shut up, I just saved you from an itchy urethra. You're like an asshole fucking robot Must insult everyone. You can thank me later. Let's fucking go.
Speaker 11That's probably a good idea, buddy.
Speaker 1No, we're not leaving yet. Yes, we are. No, we're good, he's good, you're good, right.
Speaker 11All right, get out of line again. You gotta go, buddy.
Speaker 1Noah, our dad just died. I want to drink about it, and this is how I grieve. If you want to go back to the motel, by all means have at it. Hey, can I get a beer and two shots of whiskey please? Same thing for both of us. Sure thing, we are going to sit here and have a couple drinks. I don't trust you. We need to go back to the fucking motel. Look, bro, we are stuck here. We might as well make the best of it. We can celebrate the life of a great man. Dude, you just want to get drunk. Well, yeah, don't you? When was the last time you had a drink? When you wrecked your truck? Why does it matter? Easy, there, Hulk. I'm just saying you probably need more than that one beer. You just slammed.
Speaker 3Think about it while I hypnotize you with this beer. You're stuck in a small town with a man you hate. Your dad just died. You have nothing better to do while you wait for the truck to be fixed. You have a tiny penis. You must drink about it.
Speaker 7Think about it, Fuck it. I'm in.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's the spirit. Look, I'm sorry I bailed. I just needed out of the motel room. I was feeling a bit claustrophobic. Well, don't get used to this place. I don't want to be here all night. Cheers.
Speaker 3Cheers to Thomas Peters. We remember a great man not in times of darkness, but we remember him in the light, for he was a Short and sweet Alright To Dad.
Speaker 1Can we have two more over here? Oh fuck, yeah, yeah, hold on, I'm coming.
Speaker 11Hold on what? Yeah, I had a chance to take a look at your truck this morning.
Speaker 1Oh, sorry man.
Speaker 11What's wrong with it? Well, nothing actually. I saw the ignition wire was unplugged. Oh really. Yeah plugged it back in, started right up. Here's your keys. I've got my boy to follow me here so you don't have to come to the shop. That kid is like eight. Yeah well, you've got to learn sometime, huh.
Speaker 1God bless small towns. I appreciate it, man. What do I owe you?
Speaker 11Not a thing, man, don't worry about it, just want to make sure you get back in time for your daddy's funeral. Thank you, man. I appreciate it no big deal. My condolences to you and your family. You have a blessed day, sir.
Speaker 1You too. What the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 7Wake up. I'm awake. What the fuck is the matter with you? Is that shaving cream?
Speaker 1How the hell do you know how to unhook an ignition module A? What Ow? Stop fucking hitting me, dude. What the hell is the matter with you? The mechanic just dropped off the fucking truck Shit, so you admit it. I didn't want to come in the first place. Why not Help me understand this ridiculous bullshit? Funerals are a pointless ritual for the living. Everyone just gets together to pat each other on the back and brag about how well they knew the deceased. It's about paying respect to the deceased. No, it's about parading around the living and one-upping each other with who had the better story.
Speaker 3Oh, you knew Bernie for ten years. I knew him for seventeen and a half. Yeah, well, I watched him be born because I was in the room.
The Eulogy: Reflections and Revelations
Speaker 1Nobody actually gives a shit about the deceased, it's just everyone one-upping each other because they're fucking dicks. You fucking finished, are you? I have shaving cream in my fucking eyeball, isaac, you fucking Neanderthal. It's our father. Fuck everyone else there. It's about him and only him. I will not sit by and let you disrespect him like this. Fine, fuck it. I knew you wouldn't get it, you're right. I don't Explain it to me, I already have. What I do get is that you are a pallbearer. If you do not come, you screwed up for the rest of us. I'm still coming, aren't I? I don't know, are you? You just woke me up by assaulting me again and expect me to have another fucking fight with you? I'm not doing this first thing in the morning, dude. Fine, I'll pull the truck over on the side of the road later and I'll beat your fucking ass. I'm gonna go load the truck. I fucking, I fucking hate you. Love you too, dickhead.
Speaker 2With the truck working right along the road, again, the ultimate game of cat and mouse is going to ensue. Leaving these boys unattended can have dire effect on someone's mental fortitude. Just ask Kirsten, the poor woman has had to pull these boys apart with a broom more times than a dog sniffing another dog's ass. Noah has never trusted Isaac. Isaac can't sneeze without being called Judas, but that, my friends, is kind of justified.
Speaker 1What are you looking for? A napkin for you? You look like you forgot to clean your chin. What, oh there they are yeah you look like you did some sexual favors for the hotel room. Reminds you of making the Dean's List in college there. Sasha Gray here. Let me see your phone. I'll take a picture.
Speaker 3Here.
Speaker 1There's nothing there. There sure isn't, but I distracted you long enough. Oh shit, what is he doing? I don't trust this fucking gorilla. Fuck, he's coming. Lock the door. Lock the door. Lock the door. Are you serious? You broke the lock when we were kids, Dickberry. It hasn't worked in years. How would I know that you broke it? What the hell are you serious? You broke the lock when we were kids, Dickberry. It hasn't worked in years. How would I know that you broke it? What the hell are you doing? Fucking?
Speaker 1let go dude Since you like to sabotage things like a Bond villain. You are no longer allowed to leave the goddamn truck, so you zip, tie my left hand to the door. Yes, what if I have to piss? There's an empty bottle there by your feet. If you have to go, stick your little willy in there. My apologies, are you post-operation? I'll get you a shiwi while I'm inside, unless you would prefer a diaper. You know this is literal kidnapping, right, I know, and it's kind of exciting. I'll grab you something to eat when I'm inside. Watch your feet Asshole. What the fuck man Noah straight up lost his shit. What the fuck just happened.
Speaker 7Phone call.
Speaker 1Get the fucking thing. Call for help you, son of a bitch. Oops, fuck, I missed it, angry Prego Kirsten. Fuck I missed it, angry Grego.
Speaker 9Kirsten. No answer.
Speaker 8Well, that's not good.
Speaker 9When was the last time you talked to them? 5 pm yesterday.
Speaker 6Either Isaac's dead and Noah's just trying to find a place to hide his body or Noah's got his phone up his ass again. Yeah, I kinda like this photo.
Speaker 8Try calling Isaac. He's always on his phone Glued to it.
Speaker 9Jesus, All this work for a man who used to pronounce my name Kirsten oh tell me about it.
Speaker 8He always called me Mia. Drove me crazy.
Speaker 9Don't get me wrong. I loved the old bastard, but preparing for someone's funeral while his two boys are out fingering each other has me a little pissed off. Speak of the devil. Hello, Kirsten Isaac. Where is Noah? Noah's?
Speaker 6fucking lost it. Okay, Turn it on speakerphone.
Speaker 1He left me in the truck and zip-tied me to the door handle. I'm pretty sure he's buying a shovel and finding a small child to take the blame when he buries my ass he what.
Speaker 7Zip-tied me to the fucking truck.
Speaker 6What did you do, Isaac?
Speaker 8Who is that? It's Gabriel. Who the fuck is that?
Speaker 9It's Maya Maya, like Maya Maya.
Speaker 1Yes, now what the fuck is going on? Well, kirsten, your husband has gone nuts and zip-tied me to the truck door. How many times do I have?
Speaker 9to say that why did he zip-tie you to the door?
Speaker 1Because he's three whippets shy of being mentally handicapped?
Speaker 8I don't know he, he's obviously handicapped, I don't know, he totally did something.
Speaker 6Oh, guaranteed.
Speaker 1Why would you assume I did something?
Speaker 6Isaac, we know your family, we know you.
Speaker 9That silence is the sound of guilt. Isaac, Fuck you guys. Call the police.
Speaker 1I'm being held against my will. I think that's a little more important. Where are you guys? I think on Highway 30 somewhere, maybe Julesburg. What does it?
Speaker 6matter Highway 30? Why didn't you take the interstate?
Speaker 1How many people am I talking to?
Speaker 6There's three of us, but why take Highway 30? The speed limit's only 55. Pete, who the fuck is Pete? No, this is Gabe Isaac when are you back Now?
Speaker 8who's this?
Speaker 10Maya.
Speaker 7My ex -Maya. Well, this is awkward Isaac focus.
Speaker 9What the hell is taking you guys so long, jesus, kirsten, take me off the speakerphone. All I want to know is if you guys are on your way back yet, why are there so many people at your house? I heard like nine people butt in Because we are going through photos for your dad's funeral, something that you two dickheads should be doing right now. And and they all had to listen in. God damn it, kirsten, you keep talking like your brother. I'm gonna break your nose. Well, lucky for me, noah already did that. What? Why? You know what? Just don't answer that.
Speaker 8What happened?
Speaker 9Uh, apparently Isaac's nose is broken. What, how?
Speaker 6He collided with Noah's fist, I would presume.
Speaker 9You boys get back here in one piece. Do you hear me?
Speaker 7Tell that to your crazy-ass husband.
Speaker 1Who. Let's get back here in one piece. Do you hear me Tell that to your crazy-ass husband? Who are you talking to and why the hell do you look like you're farting in the?
Speaker 9air vent. I mean it. Do you both want to learn how to spell eunuch?
Speaker 1It's your wife. She wants to know how to spell eunuch. What E-U-N-U-C-H? She's a fucking literary major. What the hell is she asking?
Speaker 9Just quit fucking around and get home safe. I am done playing mother to a couple of baboons.
Speaker 1Why are you on the phone with my wife Easy there, psycho. She wanted to know where we were. Oh, here I got you some food, heads up, oh, I love them. You hit me in the nose, I'm well aware. Give me the phone. Fucking dick. Oh God, I think I'm bleeding again. Hey, baby, we'll be home here in a few hours.
Speaker 9I promise, just quit fucking around and don't let Isaac near any mechanical parts. Sure thing, I love you. I love you too, children.
Speaker 1They're both children. Hey, give me your knife. No, what am I gonna do? Stab you. I don't know how hard you're coming down on whatever fucking drugs you've been on. Yeah, give me the knife so I can kill us all. I wanna cut myself free. Noah, I'm still strapped to the fucking door here. I want this back, thank you.
Recovering from Loss: Finding Closure
Speaker 1So Maya still hangs out with you guys. Well, yeah, she's Gabriel's stepsister. Just because you two stop diddling each other doesn't mean we're going to kick her out of our lives too. So she hangs out there regularly. I guess why. I'm just curious. Oh, do you miss her? Shut up. Good luck with that. Yeah, she's got a boyfriend anyway, doesn't she? Some prick named Lucas? The guy needs to be hit by a fucking Buick. Really how Well. I would imagine someone would press their foot on the accelerator really really hard until it couldn't go down any farther, and they aim for him as he's crossing the fucking street. Dude, you know what I mean? He's super controlling. He talks down to her. It's that kind of shit. I'm surprised Maya hasn't laid him the fuck out yet.
Speaker 3So sounds like they're breaking up soon, then, huh.
Speaker 1You don't stand a chance, queef McQueen, why not? Why not you ghosted her? You honestly think she would take you back after you just up and left her for Colorado? Yeah, good point.
Speaker 2Good point.
Speaker 1I'm agreeing with you. Still, funny, I fucked up. I know that Fucked up is putting it lightly. What's that supposed to mean? Isaac, you quit your accounting gig with the city to become some junkie Instagram model. Your detective skills are amazing. You're doing great. Okay, here's what I know. You do not work, you do not pay taxes. All you do is snowboard and get high. You contribute nothing to society and you rub it in everybody's fucking face. That's seriously how you view my life. Yes, why? I just told you why. No, why do you think that's what I'm doing with my life? Because that's how your life really is. So I'm just some unemployed, fucking snowboard junkie. You know how much a season pass on the mountain actually is? I'd imagine free if you give the right guy a tug in the parking lot, never mind.
Speaker 1Where's that sandwich? God, this looks like shit. Is this thing even edible? I eat them all the time. You'll be fine. You've also eaten canned dog food. When you were drunk, dude, I thought it was tuna. Tuna doesn't smell and taste like fart. Noah, fine, I'll eat the sandwich. Mmm, just as good as dog food.
Speaker 2Did you?
Speaker 1get anything else? Nope. What? No, I did not. No chips, anything Nope, I ate my sandwich in the store. I got one for you and a couple of sodas.
Speaker 2Here, here you go champ.
Speaker 1Gee, thanks, no problem.
Speaker 2Well, you have a few, but who's counting? Am I right?
Speaker 3God, you're hysterical.
Speaker 1I know God gave me a gift?
Speaker 2He gave you crabs. And now, if you be a?
Speaker 1good boy and stop talking, I'll get you treated. The next stop oh fuck you.
Speaker 5Oh, fuck you.
Speaker 9I swear to God that those two are the worst together.
Speaker 6So Noah broke his nose and zip-tied him to the truck.
Speaker 8How much of that is bullshit though.
Speaker 9My guess is none of it what. They have always had a fucked up relationship.
Speaker 6Fucked up is putting it mildly.
Speaker 8Well, I knew they argued all the time, but I haven't heard of anything like this. Isaac never mentioned anything while we were dating, at least.
Speaker 6Oh god, the stories I could tell you. Isaac ain't gonna mention much, because usually it was just him getting his ass kicked.
Speaker 8Really. Yeah, Gabe is right. Well, that explains why he was so dead set on watching John Wick movies when he would come home from a family function.
Speaker 6Eh nah, he's probably just watching Taibo infomercials.
Speaker 8Shit, it's Lucas. I have to leave.
Speaker 9You know, it's not a good sign that you become depressed when your boyfriend calls you.
Speaker 8No, he just gets a bit pissy when I'm not with him, you mean he's an asshole. I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 9He deserves a severe beating. Maya.
Speaker 8Whatever I'll call you guys later.
Speaker 9Maya come here.
Speaker 8What Kirsten?
Speaker 9I'm just gonna throw this out there. I totally know a guy with a pig farm, if you ever need him to just disappear.
Speaker 10Would you?
Speaker 1please stop that. You know, I think that's the first time I have ever heard you say please.
Speaker 7Gold star for me.
Speaker 1Fucking stop If we can turn the radio on.
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1Put your headphones on or something I would if you gave me time to grab them. I'm gonna drive this truck into oncoming traffic if you don't fucking stop. So radio you wouldn't be able to hear anything anyway.
Speaker 7but static we're out in the middle of nowhere. I'm just gonna keep doing this then. Dude, see if there's a gun in the glove box so I can blow my fucking brains out. Hey harmonica.
Speaker 1I could make a song for us. I'd rather listen to a dog raping a dying rabbit. Oh my god, what Booty, fucking licious, booty, what Licious. You know, booty, licious. That rapper from the 90s the hell's it doing in the glove box? It's probably yours from when we were kids. I would have beaten me for listening to it if I were dad. We have to put this in, please don't. Oh, shut up, it's going to be terribly great. I said no, what are you fucking stupid? You said please don't. There's a difference, like the difference between a broken finger and a broken nose. You've already had one of them. Fine, I'm just going to play the harmonica.
Speaker 2Never learned this thing, so this should be riveting.
Speaker 10Jesus God.
Speaker 7My name is Noah and I'm a huge prick, and everyone around me thinks that I'm a huge dick.
Speaker 10Hey.
Speaker 7My name is Noah and I think I'm tough and I'm really just a power bottom.
Looking Forward: The Path to Healing
Speaker 1That just likes it rough, jesus Christ, alright. That just likes it rough, jesus Christ, all right. Put in the fucking tape. Nice, perfect song. I'm going to rewind it. Jesus, I remember this stupid shit. Oof, that doesn't sound good. Hopefully it eats the tape. Oh, calm down, you grumpy gut. Oh sweet baby Jesus, just let it play, hold on.
Speaker 7I'm starting the song over. It'll make it Look.
Speaker 3There we go. What I want to listen to is next dude, are you ready for this shit? Look at that butt, big ol' butt. Look at that butt. Ha ha Ha.
Speaker 1Come on, man, you singing this in public's probably going to get you put on a list. Ha, come on man. You singing this in public is probably going to get you put on a list.
Speaker 3Oh come on, man. Ha ha ha, look at that butt.
Speaker 7Big old butt. Come on, dude.
Speaker 1I know, you know the words Just buck buck.
Speaker 7Ha, ha Come on oh man, I just died.
Speaker 1This is fucking great. You don't remember this, jesus. Oh my them thighs.
Speaker 2Watch it for where they hypnotize.
Speaker 1You got another word, dude. Look at that butt, the big old butt. Look at that butt. There you go, you sourpuss, big that butt, the big ol' butt. Look at that butt. Ha ha, there you go, you sourpuss, big ol' butt.
Speaker 11Look at the butt. Look at the butt.
Speaker 2Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
Speaker 1This little girl just ain't in the race. Isaac likes it right in the face. You, motherfucker, ain't no race. Isaac likes it right in the face.
Speaker 7You motherfucker, but, but, but, but but, but.
Speaker 1Dude, this song is fucking killing me right now. I love this. Oh, holy shit. Noah Lake McConaughey, we have to stop. No, we're on our way home. I'm not stopping. Oh, come on. We used to go there all the time as kids. We have to stop. No, we're on our way home. I'm not stopping. Oh, come on. We used to go there all the time as kids. We have to go. Why? Because you have some stupid song reminding you of our childhood. That's precisely the reason I want to stop. What better way to remember?
Speaker 7Dad than to stop at our old camping grounds.
Speaker 1Well.
Speaker 7I'm thinking.
Speaker 1Well, don't think too hard, the exit's coming up. Stop talking, let me think.
Speaker 3One mile Just saying.
Speaker 1Fuck it.
Speaker 1There you go. This is gonna be fucking great. Don't make me regret this, isaac. What is there to regret? When was the last time you got to do something like this, dude? I'm just saying, you always find a way to make things more difficult than they need to be. What? No, I don't. No shenanigans, dude. Come on, I'm not going to do anything. Dude, I mean it. No fucking around. I promise, no fucking around. All right, then. I cannot believe we're here right now. I know I've been here since what? 96? Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 3I'll race you, you little dick, fart, dick.
Speaker 1He even runs like an idiot. You dropped your cocaine. What?
Speaker 5Fucking mook you alright. Yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 1Good, Because I'm not taking you to the hospital. You can at least help me up jerk-off.
Speaker 11You know what? Look at this.
Speaker 1I see it. This is still breathtaking. You remember building sandcastles over there, of course. So much fun. Dad would help us make moats and bridges, and Mom playing Godzilla. She did what she would stomp all over the castles when she wanted us to get into the water. Oh my god, I completely forgot about it. That crazy lady and you would cry.
Speaker 2Mom, this is my masterpiece.
Speaker 7Is that an attempt to make fun of my childhood speech impediments?
Speaker 1I'm seriously speechless, that you think I would do something stupid like that. Funny, hey, just be happy. Our parents took the time and the money to get you to speech therapy. They, they bought me a slap to the face anytime I'd say something incorrectly. These were good times, man, the time before you hated me. Oh, stop the poor pity me routine. I hated you long before you ever became a poster child. We are here, though. Let's just enjoy it Just for a little bit. I want to get home before it's dark. Why so soon? A pregnant wife at home who is eight and a half weeks along and is a continuous ball of joy Emphasis on the cunt.
Speaker 1I'm gonna tell her. You said that, be my guest, she'll slap you first. Yeah, good point.
Speaker 3You know.
Speaker 1It's almost as if mom and Dad are here with us. You feel that, yeah, actually I do Love you like a sister. Little brother, that's Kirsten. The hell, is she calling you? Did you leave your phone in the truck? Shit, if she's being the magical C-word, I don't even want to talk to her. Yellow, why the fuck doesn't your brother answer my calls? Well, I'm 70% convinced he's gay, so that could be a contributing factor. You know, he grabbed some old man's breast in the rest stop bathroom. Saw it with my own eyes. Isaac, seriously, I'm not fucking around here. Wow, sorry, he's right next to me. He probably just left his phone in the truck.
Speaker 1What's she saying here? Just talk to her. I'm gonna go piss by the the way she's in a great mood. Hey, babe, you need to start keeping your phone on you at all times. I'm sorry, pulled over, got out, stretched our legs. When are you coming home? That's all I care about. What about world peace and all the hippie commie bullshit? You don't care about that. Noah, not in a joking mood? Huh, noah, just answer my fucking question Seven hours, jesus, where are you? We're just outside, ogallala.
Speaker 9Honey, it's five hours from Ogallala.
Speaker 1But I'm taking Highway 30, which is about 20 miles an hour slower. Yeah, well, you were supposed to be home yesterday. Kirsten, I'm trying to get a giant baby with an Oedipus complex to come home. It isn't the easiest thing to do. Come on, he's not that bad. He sabotaged a fucking truck. What do you mean? He's not that bad.
Speaker 9He did what? Wait, you know what? I don't care, I didn't call to argue what argument.
Speaker 1It's a fact he's a 35-year-old emo kid.
Speaker 9Then hogtie him and throw him in the back of the truck. Problem solved.
Speaker 1That actually is not a bad idea. Just get home safe, please. I'm back on the road now, very good.
Speaker 9I love you. I know I'm back on the road now Alright good, I love you, I know.
Speaker 1You, what Sorry, I love you too, babe.
Speaker 9Thank you.
Speaker 2Now get your ass back home before I lock you both out.
Speaker 1Shit, dude. What's going on? We were enjoying the moment. Yeah, well, that moment's over. Here's your phone. Get in the truck.
Speaker 1I don't know what the fuck is that. What is what that? I don't hear anything Bullshit. What did you do? What is what that? I don't hear anything Bullshit. What did you do? What did I do? You went to piss and now there's a fucking weird noise. You're blaming me again. Of course I'm blaming you. What the fuck did you do? I don't know. Did you check the tailpipe? Dude, I hate you so much. Seriously, what the fuck did you do? Where the fuck is the harmonica? The air intake, dude, I'm gonna fucking kill you, seriously, I'm gonna fucking kill you. Oh, shut up. It's funny Zip-tying a harmonica to the air intake. Come on now.
Speaker 1How the fuck do you know about cars? Well, the Ottomo car was invented by a German man named Sven Ousterfausch. Isaac, I'm serious. Dad used to show us how to work on cars all the time. Or have you forgotten that? He showed me how to do that? Shit? You were too busy trying on mom's clothes.
Speaker 1You are fucking delusional, fuck you. I was right next to you when he gave you those lessons. How else would I know how to unhook the fucking ignition module? I just assumed. You jumped in like an ape and yanked on the first thing. You fucking saw what is with you? And assumptions? I don't just assume everything. Ha you automatically assume I'm this dipshit Colorado junkie with no job. I don't assume it's the truth. What you know of me is a shadow, noah Bullshit. You quit your job with the city, which was a great fucking job, cashed in your 401k and you moved away to do fuck all. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Not technically, not technically. Get the fuck out of here, noah. I am a fucking millionaire. Oh, bullshit.
Speaker 1I wrote a book called the Butcher of Bronson Street that teeny-bobber bullshit that sits on my wife's nightstand. Fuck off, yes, that teeny-bobber bullshit. Nice try, isaac. That book doesn't say written by Isaac Peterson, it's some author, pj Williamson or some stupid shit. Rj Staker, I used a pseudonym I call bullshit.
Speaker 1How, how the hell are you a millionaire from writing one fucking book? Well, for one, it became a bestseller. That doesn't make you a millionaire. You're such a fucking liar, isaac. No, but investing a portion of the profits does. I took a big chunk of the profits from the book you don't believe I wrote and I invested it into the stock market, the stock split, and I made a fucking fortune. Then I had a buddy dealing with overseas trademark rights and I fucking made a shitload of money off of that. That's what made me a millionaire, you miserable dick.
Speaker 1Wait, you buy other people's trademarks in other countries and charge them money to sell their own fucking brand. Yes, there was a lot of money in that shit. That's fucking low, super fucking low. It's not low, it's fucking business. Business. It's scamming someone who worked hard for the right to be rich. If they're too dumb not to trademark their name in a foreign market, they deserve to get charged.
Speaker 1Congratulations, you have become a world-class piece of shit. Good luck with the blood money. Well, fuck you. Good comeback. You fucking reprobate. You're a fucking joke, dude. I'm a fucking joke. Refer back to your business practices, dude.
Speaker 1Who do you think paid for Dad's funeral, that so-called blood money? Who do you think was paying for Dad to live those past two years? Sure as shit wasn't the fucking slaughterhouse. They fired his ass and closed the doors, didn't even fucking look back. Why are you telling me this now? We're brothers. We're supposed to trust each other. Trust each other. That's a fucking laugh.
Speaker 1You haven't trusted anyone since you cheated on your wife. Hey, we have moved past that. We are doing counseling once a week because of my fuck up. I admitted it, I fucked up. That was two years ago anyway. You're the one that diddled someone else. I told you we have worked on our marriage. Now fucking drop it.
Speaker 1You haven't moved on at all, you moron. You are constantly angry. You piss and moan about everything. You think everyone is out to screw your wife. You blame everyone for shit that you caused. You are a miserable prick. What the fuck's that supposed to mean? Comes a point in every man's life they need to realize they're chasing their own tail.
Speaker 1Riddle me this dickhead. Have you ever manned up and taken responsibility for any of your actions? Have you, like I said, you blame everybody but yourself. God forbid the words I'm sorry ever spew from your fucking mouth. Half the shit you've done to me in the past two days renders an apology. Is that what you want? An apology? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're such a fucking cunt. Oscar nominee Noah Peterson, is that how you apologize to Kirsten? You better fucking stop bringing my wife's name into this. There hasn't been a thought in your mind that your wife got revenge, what you know. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if there was another man's baby brewing in her belly right fucking now. Fuck, dude, I'm sorry, I didn mean it. I was crossing the line. Seriously, dude, I'm sorry. I was getting pretty heated and I was just trying to get under your skin. That's it.
Speaker 8I didn't mean anything?
Speaker 1That fucking harmonica Whoa, jesus Christ. What the fuck are you doing, dude? Slow the fuck down. God damn it. Noah, are you trying to fucking kill us? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, jesus Christ, you're gonna give me a heart attack. Fuck. Get out of the fucking truck. What the hell are you doing? You nut bar? I said I was sorry. Get out of the fucking truck, you bitch. Oh shit, I really pissed him off, are you serious? The lock You're a lot dumber than I fucking thought. Get the fuck out. Fuck you the seatbelt. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh, god damn it. Get up. Fuck. You. Wanna be a fucking tough guy. Get the fuck out. I'm not gonna fight you. Noah. Hit me pussy. Noah, stop Hit me. You are a fucking psychopath. You wanna see fucking crazy? You fucking cunt Fucking. Stop, just let me hit you. Come here, you fucking cunt Fucking. Stop, just let me hit you. Come here, you fucking baby, stand still Fucking headlock. You fucking pussy. Are you done? Fuck you.
Speaker 2You need to calm down, I'm gonna fucking kill you when you let go.
Speaker 1How about now, uncle, uncle, oh, big man, had too much. You're tapping. Now Do you see what happens when you lose your temper? I didn't want to do this, asshole. Why do you have to solve everything with fucking confrontation? You bitch and moan about everything, but look where it gets you, motherfucker. I didn't get you a shot to the dick. I'm done. I've had it with you this trip. This fucking truck, I'm fucking out. I'm going home. Good luck with your fragile masculinity and a broken nose. Bitch, go right ahead, fucking, leave. Nobody fucking wants you there anyway. You've been a coward your entire life. Why should Dad's funeral be any different? Run away like you always do abandon us all.
Speaker 1That's what you fucking good at bullshit you left to fill your own selfish fucking fantasies. It's the truth. Mom's death fucking destroyed me. She was my world, dude. I couldn't fucking take it being in the same city. She died in Everything she taught me about life, about women. She was my fucking mother. Oh, fuck off. You barely said a word at her fucking funeral. It's like you couldn't fucking be bothered. Seeing her put in the ground destroyed me in ways I can't even put into words. Noah, it fucking destroyed me.
Speaker 1I had a breakdown that involved a shitload of whiskey and thinking about blowing my fucking brains out. I wanted to get far away from anything that reminded me of who she was and I just I had to jump ship. She was my mother, too, and I was going through the exact same thing, and the only person I felt would get what I was going through abandoned me. He just fucking vanished. Dad was there, but he was going through his own loss with the love of his life. I needed my goddamn brother, the only goddamn person that would fucking understand my plight.
Speaker 1And you blab, you could have called you fucking idiot. You think Dad's funeral is any different? I'd eat my goddamn brother and you'd refuse to go. How do you think I feel I can't bury another parent, not after Mom, not after how it obliterated me. Why the fuck do you think I came to get you? You honestly think I can do this alone? Fuck you and your goddamn ego, afraid of how it's gonna make you feel.
Speaker 1What about how I feel, noah, you aren't the only one hurting. I'm fucking dying on the inside. Our father is dead. He's fucking dead. There is nothing either of us can do to change that. I can't just come back with a smile on my face and shake hands with dad's old pals. The world is crumbling around me and I don't know what the fuck to do. Bitch, I have kids coming into this world in a few weeks, so I'm about to be a dad and the only person I knew who would come show me how to be a good father is fucking dead. I'm fucking scared. Isaac, oh, come on, don't try to guilt. Trip me with this shit.
Speaker 5Guilt trip you motherfucker.
Speaker 1I have a wife that is dealing with all of this bullshit on top of being pregnant. I have to comfort her and suck up my dealings, because the moment I break down, the whole entire ship goes down. Now I'm fucking losing it because of you and I'm afraid I may not be the man I need to be for my fucking family. How the fuck am I supposed to know what to do with my life, with my son's life? I have no idea what to do and I just need my goddamn brother.
Speaker 11Get up, I don't need your help.
Speaker 2Just get in the fucking truck. If I were a betting man, I'd say neither of these boys wants to apologize. If you've ever had brothers yourself, you understand. Fuck you, fuck you, if you understand.
Speaker 3Fuck you.
Speaker 1Fuck you that harmonica was a terrible idea. You're not staying here, dude. What? Find some shithole motel or something. You're not staying here. You're serious. It's Dad's death. You are not welcome in my house. Whatever, man, I'm fucking gone.
Speaker 9Oh my god, what the hell happened to you.
Speaker 5I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 9Why is your face bruised and where's your brother?
Speaker 1I told him he couldn't stay here.
Speaker 9Noah what happened.
Speaker 11I'm going to go lay down.
Speaker 9What the hellah?
Speaker 1I'm gonna go get him no, do not let that in this house. Well, tell me what happened then. He's a selfish little prick.
Speaker 9There is no place for him in this family anymore noah, your brother, is standing there at the edge of the driveway.
Speaker 1And.
Speaker 9And he's your brother. Get off your ass and let him in Kirsten.
Speaker 1this is something that I'm going to be very firm on. Isaac is not welcome in this house anymore.
Speaker 9Well, why won't you tell me what happened then?
Speaker 1I don't want to talk about it, Kirsten Well, what?
Speaker 9happened to your face.
Speaker 5I cut myself shaving Please stop.
Speaker 9You just want to lay there and wallow in your own self-pity.
Speaker 1Look, what happened is between Isaac and I. Now please just drop it.
Speaker 5Stop, don't look at me like that.
Speaker 9I beg your pardon.
Speaker 1I'm sorry, babe, I love you, I love you so much, but this is something I have to stand very firm on.
Speaker 9Well, is he going to be at the funeral?
Speaker 1I don't give a shit at this point.
Speaker 9Then what the hell was the point of going to get him?
Speaker 1I needed a brother. What I brought back was a fleshy patch of selfishness. What? My brother's not there anymore. He only cares about himself, so let him care about himself.
Speaker 2I'm done. Their daddy's funeral is just around the corner and in the moment, death seems to remind you of your life. It ain't that bad.
Speaker 9Something tells me they'll be just fine. Wow, I didn't expect such a turnout. I did.
Speaker 2My dad was a social whore.
Speaker 9Really.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, his buddies were our babysitters uncles, big brothers.
Speaker 10The man knew everybody in town.
Speaker 9So you think he'll show.
Speaker 10Who.
Speaker 9Isaac, you thick fuck. Think he'll be here I bet you the baby's name.
Speaker 11He doesn't show up.
Speaker 9Oh really.
Speaker 1You really have faith in that walnut? He has the morals of a kid on TikTok. He probably films himself giving food to homeless people. Oh look how good I am. Somebody pat me on the back.
Speaker 9Whatever, I'm holding you to that bet.
Speaker 1Deal Jerry Reed Peterson, if it's a boy.
Speaker 9Brenner Cole.
Speaker 1Brenner.
Speaker 9Sounds like a sandwich. Oh, it does not Ask Gabe, gabe Yo.
Speaker 5Come over here.
Speaker 9Stop, it's your father's funeral. Quit yelling.
Speaker 1Hasn't even started.
Speaker 9He's not going to play your little game. Anyway, this is where you want to be when Jesus comes back.
Speaker 1I'd rather be in Vegas.
Speaker 6Okay, good luck with that.
Speaker 1Yo ho ho bro-stachios Gabe does Brenner sound like a sandwich Brenner?
Speaker 9Gabe, please don't humor him.
Speaker 1No, just answer the question. Does Brenner sound like?
Speaker 6a sandwich. Well, I immediately regret walking over here, guys. What's this about?
Speaker 1We have a bet and if I lose, we name the child fucking Brenner, nope.
Speaker 9I'm out Ha Told you it was worth a try, thanks, for nothing.
Speaker 6Gabe no problem, dickity, dickhead.
Speaker 9Holy shit. I hope you realize I'm naming our baby Brenner.
Speaker 5Sandwich. There's no way, I'm telling you Well, you just lost a bet. Look You're shitting me.
Speaker 1Wow, he looks like shit.
Speaker 9Ow Be nice, you both look like raccoons, god damn.
Speaker 5It's my father's funeral.
Speaker 9Hey, you're in a holy place. If you talk like that, again, I'm divorcing you.
Speaker 5If I were only so lucky.
Speaker 9You couldn't afford the child support. You degenerate.
Speaker 2Quiet down. Quiet down everyone.
Speaker 4We'll begin once everyone finds their seats. Quiet down, quiet down everyone We'll begin once everyone finds their seats.
Speaker 1Isaac started this whole fucking thing. By the way, Shh.
Speaker 9I don't care, just let it go.
Speaker 4Thank you all for coming. Everyone, we are gathered here today not to mourn the death, but to celebrate the life of Thomas Peterson. God has taken him at a time of his life that was unexpected for all of us. We will miss Thomas, but our burden is not as heavy as his two boys, noah and Isaac, who are here today to bury their father. Just five years ago, they were burdened. Who are here today to bury their father? Just five years ago, they were burdened with the tragedy of burying their mother, sharon, noah, isaac, we are all here for you. Your family has been a pillar in this community and you too are our family as well. Just know that Thomas and Sharon will be joined again, leaving their eternal love here for eternal life in heaven. I have been asked for the eulogy to be given by his son, isaac Peterson. I cannot think of a better person to give a proper speech, isaac, if you please.
Speaker 1You know, I thought about giving the stereotypical speech about life lessons, experiences we had funny anecdotes.
Speaker 3What have?
Speaker 1you. Nobody wants to hear that. That's every funeral. Seems like everybody else has that under control. I'm pretty sure I saw Dad's frat buddies in the back doing beer bongs when I walked in. So there's that Having a good time, Bill Hell. Yes, in the back doing beer bongs when I walked in. So there's that Having a good time, Bill Hell. Yes, yeah, there you go.
Speaker 10There's your shout-out.
Speaker 1I was trying to figure out what to say here tonight while being in a drunken stupor. You know it's the Peterson way, I suppose, but it really didn't work out the way I hoped. I ended up with a broken nose, bruise on my face and a pissed-off brother. What I have found out about trying to write a eulogy for your own father is that we remember a great man not in times of darkness, but we remember him in the light. He was the epitome of a father teaching Noah and I a multitude of lessons. Thomas Peterson lived his life not only how he saw fit, but how he wanted others to live.
Speaker 3A gloating man is a man who has a minuscule portion of what life is about.
Speaker 1The man who has nothing is a man who finds everything in something. Fear will never overpower, but merely be motivation to stay one step ahead, ensuring the feeling having everything truly feels like everything. A man who has everything has no fear in letting go.
Speaker 3My father motivated us to be the same.
Speaker 1Live in the moment, but learn through your mistakes to find a way to keep the moment alive.
Speaker 3Our father was a wise man. He was a great husband to our mother and an even better father. One can only hope people had a life as rich as ours. He gave us everything. He may not have given us the material possessions a kid desires.
Speaker 1but he gave us strength, discipline, courage. He gave us everything we needed and we gather to thank you, dad. Our hearts will always be filled with the love you showed everyone in this room. I hope you and Mom are happy and I wish you the best.
Speaker 3I'll be thinking of you.
Speaker 4Thank you. Thank you, Isaac. I will now read from 1 Thessalonians, 4, 14 through 17. Man Isaac did good.
Speaker 1For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, yeah, he actually did.
Speaker 4God will bring him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by the word of our Lord you okay bud.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm good, I'm just letting everyone enjoy themselves.
Speaker 3You can join. Nah, I'm alright. I still need a bit. Besides, everyone would just do the I'm so sorry for your loss bullshit. I'm not in the fucking mood for that.
Speaker 6Good point. Well, let's do a shot Of what. What are you thinking? I'm thinking a bomb of some sort, a little pep in the step. Come on, let's get some liquid crack. I'm all right, dude, all right. You're sitting there talking to yourself like an old man. You're doing a bomb. Let's light the world on fire. This is our night. That's an odd example, but fuck it. I'm in there. You go, let loose. We got the whole night ahead of us. Let's celebrate your dad. Let's burn the world down. Hey Nate, two Vegas bombs please.
Speaker 11Sounds good, coming right up.
Speaker 6Isaac. Look man. I know it's tough, but we're all here for you. So Maya and I grew up with your dad too.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know I do appreciate everything you've done, Gabe.
Speaker 6You do the same brother. When times are tough, we gotta stick together, otherwise everything just falls apart.
Speaker 3Yeah, sometimes I think it already did fall apart.
Speaker 6Man, stay positive. That's just part of life. But at least now your dad's with your mom, yeah, maybe, maybe, dude, your mom was a smoke show, no doubt your dad got laid first thing Wonderful.
Speaker 11Now I have the image of my parents diddling in my fucking head. Here you go, guys On the house. Sorry for your loss, Isaac. See what I mean. What did I do to piss you off, man?
Speaker 6No, nate. Nate, You're good, he's just being a dick. Stop being a dick and take your shot. You're starting to sound like Noah.
Speaker 11Sorry, nate, I'm just being pissy, just trying to serve you some drinks To Thomas, to Thomas.
Speaker 10I'm like who the hell?
Speaker 9Noah, you should go talk to Isaac.
Speaker 1Why he's fine.
Speaker 9He just lost his father.
Speaker 1So did I Look at him. Though he looks fine, Besides the beauty mark I gave him, he's a picture of hell.
Speaker 9Yeah, he gave you one too, Just go talk to him.
Speaker 1I talked to him the entire trip here. The man is a boner killer.
Speaker 9Your analogies are fucking awful. Just go over there and say something to him, please.
Speaker 1Fine, I'll go over there and I'll call him a cunt.
Speaker 9No wait, Don't go over there.
Speaker 1What the hell do you want me to do? Stay, go, fuck myself.
Speaker 9Maya is walking over there. So so his ex-girlfriend, who he ghosted and moved to Colorado, is walking over there. Whoop-de-fuck, she might punch him. I kind of want to see this, holy shit good point Dude, I know that was.
Speaker 11They were like I'm out, Gabe can.
Speaker 10I have a minute.
Speaker 6Whoa, whoa, I'm trying, sure, sure, hold on, alright, I'm gonna go have a smoke.
Speaker 7Hey, thanks for coming, Maya.
Speaker 8Your dad was a big part of my life too. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
Speaker 3Just know, I do appreciate it.
Speaker 8So how are you?
Speaker 3I'm all right, as good as a man who just buried his dad, fair you.
Speaker 8I'm good I'm staying busy. I work with Gabe in the shop now.
Speaker 3Oh, fucking A. You were always good with cars, so that makes sense.
Speaker 1Is that sarcasm? No, no, no, no, no, no. You taught me so much about my cars I don't even think I have the right to make fun of you.
Speaker 8This is true.
Speaker 3Oh, I told Noah, dad taught me, so just a heads up. We were in an argument. He'd never let it down if I told him it was you who taught me how Afraid of.
Speaker 8Noah Hell. No, I just don't want to hear him speak. You two are something else. I heard about the fights.
Speaker 3Noah made himself out to be the martyr, I'm sure.
Speaker 8As usual, he's got a knack for that.
Speaker 3So how are things, or whatever. I'm not good at small talk at the moment.
Speaker 8Isaac Peterson being short for words now, this is a first.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know my brain's all scrambled and I'm pretty sure I left my backpack in Noah's truck, so that has me a bit disheveled at the moment.
Speaker 8Well, you are a pretty forgetful person.
Speaker 3Not usually.
Speaker 8You forgot to bring your girlfriend with you to Colorado Ew.
Speaker 1Ouch Too soon. Can I say too soon there?
Speaker 8Since it was five years ago, I'd say no, I just chose the wrong time to bring it up, though.
Speaker 3Eh, go ahead. I fucked up and deserve everything you have to say.
Speaker 8No, it's been so long and tonight isn't the night.
Speaker 1And another night is.
Speaker 8Look, I didn't come over here to fight. I just wanted to say my condolences and see if you were alright.
Speaker 3I appreciate that Maya Truly. You take care, isaac. You too, maya.
Speaker 8Thank you for coming. Hey, I'm going to a show at Red Rocks in a couple months. I'll be around for a couple days, would?
Speaker 3you want to get lunch or something, I'll go with the option or something. What does that entail, though? Does it?
Speaker 1involve a Steely Dan CD you sinner.
Speaker 8Seriously, I would like to meet up with you and chat when I'm out there, and I'm not sure how long you're going to be in town, so I figured we should talk out there.
Speaker 3I would love that. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 8Yeah.
Speaker 6Maya, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 8Maya, shit, I have to go. Come here now.
Speaker 3Who's that great big ball of joy?
Speaker 8Currently my boyfriend.
Speaker 3Currently. Huh, well, you take care, maya. It was good to see you, I mean it.
Speaker 8Take care of yourself, alright.
Speaker 4What the hell do you think you're doing here?
Speaker 8Paying my respects. What does it matter?
Speaker 4He's your ex.
Speaker 8His dad just died. Am I just supposed to say nothing to him?
Speaker 4I forbade you to go to the funeral in the first place, let alone the bar afterwards.
Speaker 8And I remember telling you to get fucked. You don't remember that part.
Speaker 4You're coming home right now.
Speaker 8Gabe and I grew up with the Petersons. I'm just paying my respects. What's the big deal?
Speaker 4I'm serious, let's go.
Speaker 9Whoa whoa, what the fuck is going on.
Speaker 4Mind your business.
Speaker 9Well, when you're yelling at your lady in the middle of a bar, it becomes everybody's business Lucas we will talk about this tomorrow.
Speaker 4No, you're coming home right now.
Speaker 9Shit. Noah and Isaac are staring you guys, oh hell no, you put your hands on me again.
Speaker 8you and I are gonna have a problem.
Speaker 4Worse than the problem we have right now.
Speaker 8You are an angry, jealous, controlling asshole who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way.
Speaker 4Don't you talk to me like that again.
Speaker 9Oh shit done fucked up, Lucas, they're coming.
Speaker 4I told you stay out of this.
Speaker 8If you ever touch me again, I swear to God Whoa, whoa calm down, calm down, get the fuck off me.
Speaker 1Get the fuck off, it's me, god damn Shit. The fuck off me, get the fuck off. It's me, god damn Shit. It's me. Where the fuck is Kay, maya, maya, maya, calm down, calm down, look it's over. Hey, look at me, it's over. Look, you made him cry. That wasn't fair. That wasn't fair.
Speaker 2You fucked him up, Maya Fuck him.
Speaker 9This way, babe, don't worry about him, you fucking dick.
Speaker 1Whoa, what the fuck did I just miss? You ever watch bumfights? Maya fucking destroyed this dude.
Speaker 6No shit, I heard something from outside, but I wasn't sure what was going on.
Speaker 1Look, he's still right there on the ground, I think she broke a rib.
Speaker 6Come on, buddy, come on, let's get up. I'll walk you up Wrong person to pick a fight with buddy.
Speaker 1You okay, get out of my way. I'm calling the cops. Good luck with that. You swung first Steve. Steve, who the fuck is Steve? Well, you are See. I didn't think it was important enough to know your name, so I just kind of picked one.
Speaker 6You see, steve, there's an important lesson to have learned here, and it seems to be written on your face. Get out of my way.
Speaker 11Yeah, good looking out, brother Nate, two whiskeys. What the hell happened to you guys? You guys okay.
Speaker 1Yeah, the one who started the fight just got escorted out, you guys. Good, I don't think he's coming back, nate.
Speaker 3All is well.
Speaker 11Good man, I don't want that shit in my bar. Two whiskeys, double the price, you guys fucked around way too much.
Speaker 3Thanks, Nate.
Speaker 1Your ex is one tough broad dude. She sure as shit can handle her own, that's for sure. Not gonna lie, man, totally thought she was gonna hit you earlier. Hit me why I was watching from across the bar. Oh, thanks for the privacy. Dickhead, you're at a bar. You have no privacy. Everyone is looking at everyone. Whatever man, you want another shot, fuck it why not.
Speaker 11It's the last night of drinking for the foreseeable future.
Speaker 1Hey Nate, another round please.
Speaker 2It may not seem to be to the untrained eye, but they finally got over their bullshit. All it took was witnessing a savage attack and, fucked up as these two may be, they're living in high cotton. The death of their daddy brought them back together. Noah's about to be a daddy himself, and Isaac was able to conquer his fears. Isaac and Noah still have a long way to go Before they learn about the world, but bless their hearts for trying. These are my boys. I love them and I'm proud of them.
Speaker 1You know you're still an asshole. Are you gonna pay for everyone's drinks, since you're rich?
Speaker 5now, oh, fuck you, fuck you.
Speaker 2The Gentle Art of Making Enemies. Written and directed by Ben Qaddafi, starring Tim Welsh, ben Ben Gaddafi, samantha Johnson, wren Soren, katie Lee Rumpf, tessa Thompson, alexander Hamilton, ryan Rumpf, nick Vodica, jason Flynn.