Evolved Men Podcast

The Power of the Pause - Responding Instead of Reacting

• Season 1 • Episode 13

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Have you ever snapped at your kids, gotten defensive with your partner, or reacted to work stress in ways you later regretted? The difference between those reactive moments and true leadership lies in something surprisingly simple yet profoundly powerful: the pause.

Most men don't realize how reactive they've become. We think we're making decisions when we're actually just responding to pressure on autopilot. That sharp tone from your partner triggers a shutdown. The unexpected change of plans with your kids unleashes frustration that isn't really about them. These aren't just emotional reactions—they're identity-shaping moments that, over time, determine whether you're actually leading your life or just being carried along by it.

The power isn't in having a perfect plan; it's in creating that crucial space between stimulus and response. When you learn to pause—even for just a second—you interrupt unconscious patterns and access real choice. This isn't about doing nothing; it's about checking in with yourself and asking, "What would the man I'm becoming choose right now?" Through simple practices like naming what's happening internally, asking grounding questions, and physically slowing down, you build the muscle of responding rather than reacting.

Every time you choose response over reaction, you prove something to yourself: that you can be trusted with intensity, with emotion, with responsibility. That self-trust compounds, transforming how you show up as a father, partner, and leader. You navigate conflict with more presence. You stop avoiding difficult conversations. You lead from values rather than being driven by your past conditioning. The practice isn't about perfection—it's about awareness and choice, one pause at a time.

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Speaker 1:

Are you ready to break free from hesitation, self-doubt and isolation? Do you want to lead with confidence, build powerful connections and live boldly? I'm Cory Baum and I'm here to share the most impactful strategies and mindsets that I've learned through coaching, leadership and real-world experience. Together, we'll forge unshakable confidence, master social dynamics and create a life rooted in purpose, brotherhood and bold action. Inside, you'll get the tools and insights to become the strongest, most connected version of yourself. Let's dive in. What's up, men. Today we're talking about something that most guys don't even realize that they're missing, and that's the pause, that moment between the trigger and the reaction. Because the truth is that most of us don't pause, we react, and that reaction, whether it's with our kids, our partner or even ourselves, can end up costing us the exact kind of life that we're trying to build. So I saw this pretty clearly for myself on a recent trip with my kids.

Speaker 1:

Lately, you know, it's summertime here and we've been taking a bunch of, like little mini vacations, and every single one of them, although it's been amazing, they've been exhausting, right, because here's, here's, the thing about being a dad on the trip. There's, there's so much. Well, you know dad or mom regardless, but there's so much to do before we even leave, right. Even as something as simple as a day at the pool, becomes this full operation, right, like do we have sunscreen? Do we have snacks? Do we have towels? Did they eat something you know beforehand? What's the plan for lunch? Did you know? Did we grab dry clothes? How long are we going to be staying? And so it's. It's like this checklist that's running in my head before we even pull out of the driveway.

Speaker 1:

And somewhere in all of that planning, somewhere between trying to do it right and get everyone where they need to go, I realized something right, and it was that I wasn't just organizing, right, that I was actually bracing. I was bracing for things not to go according to plan and I was bracing for my kids to be off schedule. I was bracing for things to go sideways and for me to react, because I had this quiet story in the back of my mind that this should go smoothly, right, that this should be easy, right. All of these rules, like you know, this has to be memorable and fun, like that. All of this stuff has to happen.

Speaker 1:

And when reality doesn't actually match the story, that's where the tension hits right. And if I'm not paying attention. That's where the snap happens, too right, that sort of like sharp tone, right, the frustrated sigh, the cold silence. And not because something terrible happened, but because I didn't pause, right, I didn't, I didn't check in with myself, I just let the moment carry me into reaction. And that's what this episode is really about that split second between the stimulus and the response, and that tiny space where your identity gets shaped is where leadership is either chosen or forgotten, because when you're in the thick of life, on a trip or in a meeting with your partner or your kids, the power isn't in the plan partner or your kids, the power isn't in the plan, it's in the pause.

Speaker 1:

So today's episode is about something simple but wildly underestimated, and that's just that the power of the pause. Right, because most men don't realize just how reactive that they've become. Right, we think that we're making decisions, but most of the time we're just responding to pressure, to a sharp tone from your partner. Right, and then you shut down or you snap back, you get unexpected stress at work and you power through without even checking in. Maybe you have like plans that fall apart with your kids and you lose your patience, even though it's not really about them. This isn't just about anger or stress. It's about identity. Every reaction, every moment that you don't pause is actually a micro pause is actually a micro decision, right, and over time, those micro decisions shape your relationships, your leadership and your own sense of self-trust. But here's the shift. What if the pause is actually the most powerful part? What if the space between the stimulus and the response is where you actually lead yourself? Because real power isn't about being calm all the time. It's about being aware enough to choose your next move instead of letting your past conditioning choose it for you.

Speaker 1:

So in this episode, we're going to break this open, right, we're going to talk about why most men react without realizing it. We're going to talk about how your nervous system plays into this, what pausing actually gives you access to and how to build that muscle, starting today, because that one second pause, that's where real leadership begins. So reaction is survival, right. Response is leadership. So if we start with that, reacting is normal, right. That's how your nervous system actually protects you. The fight, flight, freeze, fawn, sort of stuff it's all designed to keep you safe. And in actual survival situations, that wiring is genius, right. But in everyday life, in conversations and relationships and parenting and leadership. It can backfire right.

Speaker 1:

Reacting is fast, it's unconscious, it's emotional. Responding is slow, it's intentional and grounded. So the reason this matters is because, when you react, your past is driving you right. When you respond, your values are driving, and the pause is in the moment where you shift from reactivity to responsibility. And that pause isn't weakness, it's power, right, it's. It's the space where you choose the man that you want to be, instead of just defaulting to who you've always been. So I tell this story every once in a while.

Speaker 1:

When I was going through therapy myself, my therapist shared with me kind of this concept, this idea or this metaphor of creating space in between that trigger and the response, and the idea was kind of this. He said you know, anytime something like that happens, we have an opportunity to kind of like freeze the moment, to pause there, and really what the idea is is we have an inventory of ways in which we can respond to any moment that comes up, and it's about acknowledging that there was that trigger and then deciding for ourselves. It's like going back to the filing cabinet and being like, okay, let me walk to the back to the filing cabinet, where quick, you know, and while I'm back there, I'm like digging through and I might pull one out and be like, oh, yeah, okay, this, now you know what. That that's not super fitting. Let's put that one back. And you dig a little bit further and you're like, yeah, no, this is, this is the right one.

Speaker 1:

And then bringing that sort of mentality back to the moment, right, but it's really that important to be able to pause and think about you know what it is that that triggered you? How does the respond? Yeah, and so, moving on from that, we have a tendency to glorify fast decision making, but most men confuse speed with strength. We're taught that decisive equals powerful, right, but often quick equals unconscious. You don't even necessarily think about it. You know what you actually want in that moment, how it made you feel, right. You just do it unconsciously and that tends to lead to saying things that you regret, to avoiding things that actually matter, to just living on autopilot, to just living on autopilot, and this shows up in all kinds of different ways.

Speaker 1:

Right, when you get an unexpected text and your chest tightens up, right, you shoot off a reply right away that you don't actually mean. Right, or maybe your partner brings up something and, instead of listening, you go into defense mode. Your kid makes a mistake. Before you breathe, you've already raised your voice. And these aren't bad moments. These were just missed moments. These were opportunities to lead that got hijacked by speed and by reaction. So if you're moving so fast that you can't pause, then you're not leading, you're escaping.

Speaker 1:

So here's the practical shift. The pause isn't about doing nothing, it's not about just stopping. It's about doing the right shift. The pause isn't about doing nothing right, it's not about just stopping, it's about doing the right thing. It's the moment where you say, hold on, okay, like let me check in with myself here for a moment. What's what's happening inside of me right now? And that internal check-in might only take a split second, but that second buys you clarity, it buys you intention.

Speaker 1:

So here's some tools to help create that pause. And the first one is to name what's happening right, right there, in that moment, saying like man, I feel super tight in my chest, I feel like I'm getting defensive. Or maybe asking a grounding question what would the man that I'm becoming choose to do right now? And the third thing is to physically slow down, to really take a moment to breathe, to move slower, to drop your shoulders right, to go, because a lot of times what will happen in those sort of moments is that we start to get really tense everywhere throughout our body and our shoulders raise up, so to actually like take that breath and just drop your shoulders right. These aren't these aren't flashy sort of tools, but the thing is that they give you just long enough to interrupt that unconscious loop, and that that interruption is everything.

Speaker 1:

So every time that you respond instead of react, you prove something to yourself, right, that you prove that you can be trusted with intensity, with emotion, with pressure, with responsibility and over time, that trust compounds. You show up better for your kids, you navigate conflict with more presence, you lead conversations instead of avoiding them, you stop being afraid of your own inner world. Self-leadership doesn't mean that you never feel reactive. It means that you notice what's happening and that you choose to respond anyway. And that's not perfection. That's something that takes practice, and practice is what makes you powerful. That's something that takes practice, and practice is what makes you powerful.

Speaker 1:

So here's a few questions for you to sit with, and you don't need to rush them. I want you to just pick one that really lands for you and give us some space to breathe. Whether you journal on it, you speak into it like you record a voice note or something, just let it work on you quietly. And and so the first one is this where in your life are you most reactive right now? Is it with your kids? Is it with your partner, right at work? You know, you know what is it? Where in your life are you most reactive right now? The second question is what are the signs that I've left presence? Right? How does it feel in your body? What is my usual reaction when I'm triggered? So how do you know, when you've checked out, right, when you're just on autopilot, when the wall has gone up and you're not there anymore, right, you're not driving the steering wheel that somebody has taken over? What does that feel like for you? So the third question is what story do you tell yourself when things don't go as planned, and how does that story shape the way that you show up?

Speaker 1:

The fourth question is what would it look like to pause just for a second Before you speak or act? What becomes possible if you were to create that space? And for a lot of people, this might be something that they've never even considered before. Right, they've never considered. You know, a lot of people are just wired to somebody says something, they listen and while that person is listening, they're actually formulating their response right? They've never stopped to actually think about how they feel about it and how it is that they want to respond.

Speaker 1:

So the fifth question is who is the man that you become when you respond instead of react? What's different about how you lead, how you love and move through the world when you respond? Right, and you don't have to get this perfect, but one pause, one moment of awareness can change the entire trajectory of a conversation, even a relationship or a whole day. So let's reframe something right now, right, reacting doesn't make you powerful, it makes you predictable, and it means that the moment is in charge of you and your stress, your anger. In your stress, your anger, your fear, and anyone can do that, and that's autopilot, right? But a man who can pause, a man who can feel the heat rise and still choose his response, that's someone who's actually leading his life.

Speaker 1:

So here's your challenge. I want you to pick one moment this week that normally pulls you into reacting quickly, and it might be your partner's tone your kid not listening. You know a sudden change of plans, a tight deadline, whatever it is, and I want you to catch it just once, to catch the moment and feel what's happening. And I want you to ask yourself what would the man that you're becoming choose to do? Right then, what would the man that you're becoming choose to do? And then make that choice, that one pause, that's leadership in real time, and that's how you start becoming the man that you've written about, you've dreamed about or you've glimpsed about, right, in your best moments. You don't need more willpower, right. You need space, and that space is built one pause at a time, right? All right, guys.

Speaker 1:

So if this episode landed, if you're starting to notice the ways that reactivity shows up in your life and you're ready to start responding like the man that you know you can be, then let's talk. Right, this is the work that I do every day with men who are ready to stop playing defense and start leading their lives with clarity, with more calmness and confidence. And if that's, you book a free discovery call at wwwevolvedmanprojectcom. There's no pressure, just a real conversation about where you are and where you want to go, and what is it that's getting in the way for you, and if this episode spoke to you, send it to someone. Leave a five-star review, follow the show. It helps this message reach the men who really, truly need to hear it.

Speaker 1:

So here's what I want you to take with you today, if nothing else that you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have it all figured out, but you do have to be perfect. You don't have to have it all figured out, but you do have to pause, because in that pause between the impulse and the action, between the pressure and the pattern, that's where your power lives. Every time that you slow down, you check in and you choose from the man that you're becoming, you lead yourself, and every time that you lead yourself, you build a life that actually feels like yours. All right, thanks for listening to the Evolve Men podcast. Choose presence this week, Lead with invitation and I'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the Evolve Men podcast.

Speaker 1:

If today's episode challenged you, inspired you or gave you something to think about, don't stop here. Keep building, keep evolving. Head over to wwwevolvemenprojectcom, where you'll find free resources on confidence, leadership, relationships, communication and personal power Everything you need to start applying what you've learned here and take your growth to the next level. The tools are there. The next move is yours. Until the next time, men, stay strong, lead powerfully and live boldly.

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Corey Baum

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