Equipped for Impact

Strong Marriages, Stronger Families

• Luis Miranda and Nathan Deck • Season 2 • Episode 30

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We explore how a Christ-centered marriage becomes the most powerful discipleship tool in the home and why kids learn the gospel best when they see it lived between mom and dad. We share data, stories, threats to watch, and practical steps to rebuild unity, affection, and spiritual habits.

• marriage as the living picture of Christ and the church
• research linking marital stability with church rhythms
• personal testimony on divorce and spiritual drift
• hope and guidance for split homes with grace
• four threats: busyness, parenting differences, poor communication, child-centered focus
• practical steps: pray together, date intentionally, 2-2-2 rhythm
• normalize affection that models covenant love
• worship and serve side by side to unify mission
• legacy mindset for multi-generational discipleship

If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend, another couple that needs to hear it, and maybe even with your spouse as a conversation starter so that you guys can get on that same page and talk about the discipleship and the marriage that you have together. Make sure you guys subscribe so you don’t miss our next episode.


Send any questions you want answered to podcast@waynechristian.org

This podcast is presented by Wayne Christian School- A Christ-centered community school whose mission is to assist parents and churches in the education of their children from a biblical worldview to impact their world for Christ. You can learn more at waynechristian.org

Nate:

Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ. We're your hosts. I'm Nate. And I'm Lewis. And we are glad you're here with us today. Today we're talking about a very important topic for Christian parents and leaders. And it's a really foundational truth: the fact that the strength of your marriage isn't just a personal blessing for you and your spouse, but it is a key component in your children's discipleship. So Lewis, what what do you think of when we we jump right in and we're talking about how uh a marriage affects just the whole family and children? What what do you see uh as this this comes together?

Luis:

Well, you know, I think that we see it over and over and over again that when a husband and a wife pursue Jesus together, their kids, they don't just learn about marriage, they don't just learn about relationships, they they don't just learn about their faith, but what they're doing is they're actually watching their parents live out what they believe in real time. And and I know this isn't gonna sound cliche, I've used it in marriage counseling sessions, but you've heard of the triangle, right? So like you've got the husband and wife at the bottom of the triangle, and so as they grow closer to Jesus, right, they come closer together to each other. And I think while that may sound cliche and it may be overused in a lot of marriage counseling situations, it's it's very true, right? Like the closer you are with your husband, the closer you are with your spy uh with with with your wife, it's going to correlate with your relationship with Jesus, right? Like you can't be close with Jesus and not close with your spouse because it's just gonna be a natural outflow. But if you're not close to Jesus, you're not gonna be able to be close to your spouse.

Nate:

Right, right, right. And I I love the fact that um as we just kind of look and open up judgment scripture and think about what scripture says about that and about marriage and and its importance in the home. Um, you know, Ephesians 5 talks about that. It uses, you know, over and over again, scripture uses marriage as as the picture of Christ and the church. Um and when the the the marriage relationship is messed up, it it confuses our own picture of of Jesus even and what he is like, right? So so you know, Ephesians Paul writes and he talks about how Christ loves the church, right? And sacrificially he gave himself for the church to to love her and serve her and all of that. And so the husband-wife relationship is just that reflection of the love and the service and the forgiveness and the unity. And so when children see that, yeah, they're absorbing that picture of what Christ is like and and really what the home should look like.

Luis:

And it's like it's like a living sermon that parents are preaching to their children, right? Right. So so when they see that, they're actually seeing it lived out. Scripture is coming alive for them. And the home is the primary place for discipleship, right? We've talked about this over and over again. And so your marriage, right, is one of the most powerful discipleship tools you have. And you know, we love to throw out statistics. Um, we love Barner research, right? We love the Barner Group. Um, but according to the Barner group, children of married parents are more likely to attend church weekly. In fact, sixty-four percent of kids from married homes attend church weekly compared to just fifty-one percent of kids from single parent homes. And so as your marriage is healthy, as husband and wife are together, then the children are more likely to be in church. And and when you think about it, that's that's huge, right? What it shows us is that marital stability correlates with the spiritual rhythms in the home. And when the parents are showing unity and faith, then then the kids are are going to follow. And that's actually what Ephesians 5 25 uh shows us, right? Like, like it's explaining that model for us of how it's supposed to look. And and you're probably listening to this and and you're probably gonna relate to to what I'm getting ready to say. Um, but I come from a home where my parents were divorced. They they divorced um probably when I was like eight, nine, ten, somewhere around there. Um, and and I think about the impacts it had on my life. Now, my parents were not the model marriage, but when they were married, we used to go to church probably like every Sunday. I mean, it was something that was just part of our rhythm. Now, again, they it it wasn't a model marriage. There's probably a lot that we could unpack there. But what I do know about this is that when my parents divorced, we stopped going to church. Like my mom and I didn't go to church, and my dad and I didn't go to church. And so it it was it was kind of a weird dynamic, and and and my mom was away from the church for for a really long time, and my dad was in and out of church, and and it and it impacted me, right? Like I think about my teen years, especially specifically my my early teen years and what that was like. And so um that's what the Bible teaches. It's what the data shows, and and I've lived it like I know the real aspect and impact of what that means.

Nate:

Right. And I I don't have the stats in front of me, but you know, that's one of the things that is missing a lot of times when um you know secular researchers will go and they'll look at uh issues with education or with crime or you know, there's a multitude of different things, low income. Um and one of the pieces that tends to be overlooked is the the family situation, you know, the marriage dynamic. Is it a split home? Is it you know unwed parents, is it things like that, and how when the family is broken, which I mean we're all broken, right? Because of sin. Yeah. And and so when the family is broken, it has a direct impact on the children, not just as children, but even later in life. And I think that's one of the biggest um biggest lies that's out there is that you know, the children will be okay, the kids will be fine, it'll be okay. And well, no, no, they won't. You know, um I even heard somebody say once, you know, they'd they'd rather have um, you know, happy split parents than miserable, you know, you know, still married parents. And it's like, no, God designed, you know, a husband and wife to have children and it be a family, a family unit as as the way God designed it for strong families and and a safe place for kids to grow up and see that modeled um it right there in their own household. Yeah. Which I guess really opens the door for one of the first questions, uh, which is, you know, well, what if we're not, you know, you're you're listening to this and they're they're somebody's not married or they're in a a split home situation or or something like that. Yeah. You know, how should they be looking at this whole idea of uh the family unit together?

Luis:

Yeah. And it you know, there's a callback to an episode that we did uh way back when did you know that today's our 30th episode? It is our 30th episode. Like this episode is the 30th zero. Yeah. So episode 15 of I believe it was probably our first season.

Nate:

This is a season one, yeah.

Luis:

It was called Weekend Discipleship, Raising Faithful Kids in a Divided Home. And so if you're listening to this and you're a mom or dad and you're thinking to yourself, okay, we're already divorced, we've we've we've already crossed that threshold, we're in a split home, then what does that look like? Let me invite you to go back and listen to that episode that talks about it and and just describes what it can look like for a family that's navigating a a split home. And and know this, right? Nate and I aren't here to condemn you, we're not here to judge you. We know that there are many factors behind why a family and why parents divorce, right? There are abusive situations there, uh there are sexual sins that have occurred. And so and so and so there are times when it's going to happen because we live in a broken world. We live in in a world that's affected by sin. But understand this that's that's not God's plan for your marriage, right? God did not want you to be in an abusive relationship. God did not want you to be in a relationship where uh one of the spouses was going to be unfaithful, and so you had to divorce. Um so there is grace, right, that comes from that, right? In those situations, God, God is still faithful and God is still true, and so He can use those dark situations. I'm a perfect example, right? I I came from a broken home where parents divorced and and that wasn't God's plan for marriage, but God used that that that broken home, he he used those teen years to shape me into who I am today, and it's influenced me as a husband and and and as a father, because um God wants you to be in a marriage that's healthy, that's growing. Um, because when there's marital discord or when the marriage is neglected, that whole atmosphere for discipleship is going to weaken. And and what we know is that most of the time the moms, right, get the kids usually, right? Like so so dad is typically not in the picture. And and so and so the Bible makes it clear that in the marriage, the husband is supposed to have the spiritual leadership. And so now there's a vacuum there. And so, mom, you may do everything you can to to fill that gap. But that but there's a vacuum that's been created because dad's not there doing the discipling, leading the home spiritually, because in a strong marriage, you're gonna have a stronger environment for your kids to know Christ, to follow Christ, to serve Christ, and when that's broken, there's now a vacuum that exists.

Nate:

Yeah, yeah. So so as we kind of look into this to to hopefully prevent any of that from happening, or or to maybe heal some of that that uh, you know, maybe you you have split and you're coming back together, or or or maybe you know you're listening to this and you've got a what you think is a good marriage, right? Um how can we uh make sure that that Christian couples, parents uh can can continue this strength and even grow this strength? Like what are the what are the threats maybe that they need to be watching out for as they come into this?

Luis:

So understand this that uh there is an enemy that absolutely hates your marriage. And so marriages are under attack. And so uh one of the ones that that you need to be looking for is just general busyness or even ministry overload. And and we've talked about it, right? So there was an episode that we did about the busyness of different seasons. The busy seasons. And so um if you're if you're leading in your church, if you're a pastor, if you're a small group leader, um if if you're busy with ministry, then then something that that you need to to be aware of is that there is a busyness that can come in that can steal time away from your marriage. It can steal time away from the closeness that you're supposed to have. Like um it's it's easy to be married and say, Well, I'm doing the Lord's work, and so you know, excuse it, and maybe you're gone to a deacon's meeting, maybe you're gone to an elder's meeting, maybe you're gone to a committee meeting, maybe you're serving on Wednesday nights, maybe you're serving on Sunday nights, and and and and you're so tied up with the busyness of ministry that you're not being faithful to your marriage, right? Or even on the other side, you're just busy in general with other stuff, right? You're b busy with your hobbies, you're busy with your kids' sports, you're busy with your sports, you're busy with uh an MDiv or a doctorate program or whatever, right? And then that's keeping you from being able to connect with your husband or wife.

Nate:

Yeah. So busyness is a big one. Um I think a second one that we could talk about is just maybe parenting differences, right? Between mom and dad, you know, husband and wife, and and some unmet expectations. Like uh we say around here all the time that uh unspoken expectations will be unmet expectations, right? And so you don't mom and dad don't sit down and they talk about the what they're expecting, yeah. Um what they plan to do, what they're hoping for with their family. Like go back and listen. We had that interview with Larry Taylor about the family discipleship plan. And if you're not intentional about that, then you might have these ideas. You're listening to a podcast called Equip for Impact and you're ready to disciple your kids and your spouse is not, um, you know, that's gonna lead to some unmet expectations because you haven't talked about it. Yeah. And you've got differences in what's going on of where you plan to disciple your child. Uh even your desires for that you know relationship. It's like you're trying really hard to have a weekly date night and your spouse has no clue because you've never talked about it. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're frustrated, but they have no clue. Absolutely. So just talking through some of those differences is going to be a big help. Yep.

Luis:

And and one thing to understand there too is that you and your and your spouse are going to parent differently because you have different backgrounds, right? So the way I parent is going to be different from the way Brandy parents. And so part of it is having conversations. Like there's times when when when I don't where I'm not the best example for a father because, you know, I may, I I may have been too too loud or my tone may have been uh too harsh. And so Brandy has to come back behind me and be like, hey, should you like should you have talked that way? Should you have said it that way? And then I'm like, uh, probably not. So then I gotta go back and apologize. And so and so balancing each other out and working together. Now, one thing that's important to note there is that when those conversations happen, they happen in private. They don't happen in front of the kids, right? So so Brandy may not agree with the way I'm parenting in that moment, but she doesn't undermine me and then she comes behind later on and corrects me in private. Um that actually goes into the third part of it, right? Like the third threat, which is neglecting communication and spiritual connection, right? And so if you stop talking to each other, if you stop having conversations, if you stop calibrating your parenting together, then you're gonna have those moments when your your parenting styles are gonna be different. But also if you stop praying together, if if you stop aligning together, if you stop spending time together and and and connecting with each other in God's word through God's prayer, then then that's gonna affect your marriage. If if you stop attending church together. That was one thing when I think back to my parents and and their marriage, um, as as they got closer to the point where they ultimately ended up divorcing, m my dad st stopped going to church and started being inconsistent with his time in church. And so they weren't going to church together. And so that tends to happen sometimes, even even in in Christian homes where where the dad is still going and the mom stops going or the mom starts is going and the dad's not.

Nate:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a that's a big one because you're you're modeling that united front with with the children. And I think that's another thing that maybe we we'll wrap up with this last threat. You know, the fourth one is that your your relationship has shifted um, you know, to to even being child-centered instead of Christ-centered. Um if everything you're doing is about the kids instead of for the kids, uh, there's a big difference there, right? You're you're doing all of these things. Maybe that's why you're busy is because you've filled your schedule of everything, trying to give your kids everything that you miss that time to be a couple. You miss that time to be a family. Um and and you you realize that uh you know, maybe your kids are older and they're getting ready to leave the house and you haven't cultivated that relationship together that now your kids are gonna leave, and it's it's like, well, what is our marriage about, right? Because it's been so centered on our kids, we just can't let them go. Um and so if your your relationship is centered on Christ, like you talked about that triangle, right? Yeah. Um, you still have that common goal of Christ and discipling, and then you're set up well to then go back to our grandparenting episode, right? Continue discipling just in a different context now as grandparents instead of the parents.

Luis:

And and that's really good because what we're sharing with you here is is supported by data, it's supported by scripture, right? According to Focus on the Family, couples who attend church weekly are are 40% less likely to divorce than those who don't, right? And so when you're making it a priority to be together, to to worship together. Um and so now as as we start talking about how do we practically strengthen your marriage, because maybe you're listening to this and you're like, all right, all right, Nate, Lewis, I hear what you're saying. Uh help us out because we're because we're headed towards a path that isn't good, right? Like maybe you're at the point in your marriage now where you're still together, but you're barely talking to each other, right? Or you're together and there's tension. And so, and so here's here here's what I would say. Number one, start with this, right? Pray together. Make time every day to pray together, even if it's five or ten minutes a day. If you're not doing it now, start, right? Start and and and just a couple of times a week, right?

Nate:

Yes. We we throw in that daily, just like when we talk about devotions, family devotions, personal devotions. But some is better than none. Yeah. Right?

Luis:

And so do something. Do something. And and just in your prayers, ask God to keep your hearts united. Ask God to help you in showing your kids gospel-centered love and what it looks like. And so and so just pray together. If you're not doing that now as as as husband and wife, start there. And and and it may be awkward at first. Like it may be one of the situations where like, well, I d I don't pray out loud. It may be a situation where you're not used to praying with somebody else. Uh look, just get past that. Because all of that is just the enemy keeping you from praying together.

Nate:

Right. And and kind of a second one to go along with this would be intentionally date, right? Uh sometimes we we lose that when we we've got that dating phase. Like if you think back to when you you and your spouse were you know not married and you're just dating and there's excitement and and all of that. But you think about it, like you don't you didn't always go out for dinner. You didn't always, you know, do something big when you were dating. Like maybe when you were first just starting, right? But you still, um, you know, if you're a a millennial, uh you were you were texting. You were on the you had to use the T9 keyboard. You remember that? Yeah, I do remember that, yeah. And so you're texting and you're doing the different things like that. Like intentionally date your spouse, find ways to connect. Yeah. Um, even if it's something like going for a walk, sitting on the back porch, you know, uh in the evenings together and just talk. Yeah, yeah. Um do, you know, find child care and go out. I understand, you know, we s we still have young kids and so we understand that it's like the you know, it's hard to get the childcare to to go out and do something, but those they're so important to keep that relationship focused on on God, yeah, um, as well as just on each other so that it doesn't become, like we said earlier, child-centered. Yeah. Um your relationship has that stability to keep you going even after the kids are out of the house.

Luis:

Nate, are you familiar with the rule with the 222 rule? I have heard of that. Yep. Yep.

Nate:

Yeah, yeah.

Luis:

And so if you're not familiar with it, what the 222 rule says is is this is that um you need to date your spouse every two weeks, right? So, so so and again, it doesn't have to be big, right? It doesn't mean going to to watch a movie, it doesn't mean going like away. Uh it could be going for a walk. Uh Brandy and I, we have a favorite restaurant that we like to go to, and so, and so every couple weeks it'll just be No, it's actually called El Manarca. It's it's a it's a little Mexican restaurant uh uh near here. We've actually found another restaurant that we really like that we've started going to, but but every two weeks. You can get breakfast all day. Oh no, no, no, no. Okay. Uh you know, I think I like I think mentally we boycott it. Like when we drive by there, like it's not even a thought. It's not even a thought for us. Now, if we're looking for breakfast, maybe. Okay. But other uh Waffle House? Mm-mm-no, no, no. No Waffle House. But Waffle House is kind of cringy. I mean it is, but that that's part of the vibe. They need to have a vibe.

Nate:

They do need to have a vibe check. They failed your vibe check.

Luis:

And so, and so one one date night every two weeks, right? So that's the first two. Then the second two is a weekend getaway every two months. Find find time to get away for the weekend with you and your spouse without kids, right? And so um, this is something that Brandy and I have started doing more recently in our marriage. We didn't we didn't always now now our girls are older, right? And so, and so it it's easier for us. But but look, I I wish I would have committed to it a long time ago. I mean, we've got great grandparents that can keep our girls, that the girls can stay with, and so find a way to get away for for for a weekend. Um recently we went away to uh to close to the beach and we were there for for a weekend. And then every two years, find time to get away by just yourselves on on a vacation. Brandy and I did that a few years ago where we're where we went to the mountains for like three or four days and and we were there uh kid free, and our girls were like, What are you doing? Like, like why aren't you taking us? And so um and we were like, well, because we just want to connect, like we just want to be away and and and be together. And so the two two two date night every two weeks, uh weekend getaway every two months, and some type of longer vacation every two years.

Nate:

Yeah. And I think this next one will flow really well into that is is and I love it because it makes my kids cringe. It is cringy, as the kids say. Um but it's show affection publicly and privately. Like when your children see mom and dad love each other, right? Yeah. You you know, and everybody's kind of different on how they do this, right? But holding hands, kiss your spouse in front of the kids, yeah. Like that is, and they hate it. The kids hate it. But it's just do your girls get grossed out? Yeah, they do, they do. But they've kind of gotten used to it. And that's the whole point. Because it was like our culture, if you think about like a counterformation, right? Our culture models these public displays of affection with unmarried people, right? Yes. The random person on the street. Yeah. The you know, think about what you see in in movies and TV shows and all that. It's just random, it's a moment of passion, it's a all of this. But if you can show them what it looks like to faithfully be in love with, you know, the even that, you know, uh romantic love and the public display displays of affection to the same person consistently, day after day, it that speaks volumes. Absolutely. And so, you know, just uh hug goodbye, uh holding hands while you're walking down the street, things like that, like the it it has an impact, even if the kids think it's weird, yeah. It's really important so that that message gets through. Yeah. Because they're gonna see the incorrect modeling of this in so many places. They've gotta be seeing it the right way.

Luis:

And so just normalize it, right? It's gotta be normalized. Yep, that's great. Uh the final one that we'll give you is make sure that you find time to worship and serve together. And I think the serving together is a big part of it, right? Because a lot of families will go to church and they'll attend church and they'll sit and and they'll sit together. And that's great, right? That's great. And if you don't do that, make sure you're doing that. Like make sure that that on Sundays you are sitting together, especially if you're in a church where you do serve, right? Like um, one of the things whenever I stepped out of pastor in a church that I I I've really enjoyed is being able to sit with my daughters and wife in in the pew. But but also find for ways, uh look for ways to to serve together in the church, whether it's children's ministry, whether it's the um uh the nursery, whether it's going on a missions project, uh, but it's gonna send this powerful message to the kid that you're united in marriage, but you're also united in the mission of serving the church. And and everything we've thrown at you, these aren't just nice ideas, right? We're not just sitting here trying to give you good ideas, but what we're trying to tell you is is how can you make tactical kingdom moves to protect your marriage? Because there is an enemy that wants to destroy your marriage. All of those threats coming in. And so you don't need to be perfect, but just be united in Christ and and and move together in your marriage.

Nate:

Yeah. So so let's kind of tie this back in together as we close. Uh your children's discipleship is deeply impacted when they see uh with what they see in your home and in your marriage, right? Your marriage is the front line of discipleship and sets the foundation for everything else that goes on in your home. Yeah. Um so, Lewis, as we kind of wrap up here, what what final thoughts and encouragements would you give uh the the parents listening to this right now?

Luis:

Well, parents, we've said it a a hundred times, right? Your home is the primary place where your children are being trained in their faith. And so your marriage is a way to embody what the Bible is saying. And so your marriage is gonna show them what Christ-like love looks like. It's gonna show them what forgiveness looks like, and it's gonna show them what unity under God looks like. And so if you've been encouraged this week, let me just challenge you with this, right? Pick pick one of the steps that we've lifted uh that we've listed here. If you're not dating, start dating. If you're not praying together, start praying together. Um show affection toward each other, worship and serve together and and and make it part of what you're doing. And remember this, right? Your marriage isn't just for you, it's it's for your children. It's it's for your family, it's for your ministry, it's for your legacy. And by strengthening your marriage, you're laying the foundation for discipleship that is gonna bless your children and it's gonna bless future generations. One day you're gonna be old and gray, and hopefully your children are married and they're living godly biblical marriages, and your grandchildren are seeing it modeled, and then hopefully one day your great-grandchildren are. And you know, a hundred years from now, generations are blessed because of what you did to commit to your marriage in 2025.

Nate:

Yeah, that's that's great, great encouragement there. And just remember, you know, you're not chasing perfection, right? You're you're pursuing Jesus together, and and your marriage is uh one of the many ways you you can do that as a couple. So thank you guys for joining us today. Uh if this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend, uh, another couple that needs to hear it, uh, and maybe even with your spouse as a conversation starter so that you guys can get on that same page and talk about the the discipleship and and the marriage that you have together. Uh, make sure you guys subscribe so you don't miss our next episode. And until then, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.

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Luis Miranda

Host
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Nathan Deck

Host