Equipped for Impact

Building Trust Between Parents And Schools

• Luis Miranda and Nathan Deck • Season 2 • Episode 31

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We lay out a simple, biblical plan to build strong, Christ-centered relationships between parents and educators so kids thrive. From proactive communication to Matthew 18 conflict steps, we show how unity at home and school shapes discipleship and trust.

• parents as primary disciplers, schools assist
• unity of home, church and school for growth
• proactive communication and encouragement
• assume positive intent to reduce conflict
• pray before speaking and seek clarity
• Matthew 18: go direct, avoid gossip
• support publicly, question privately
• respect boundaries and timing for talks
• model respect so kids mirror the tone
• practical steps: show up, volunteer, pray by name

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Send any questions you want answered to podcast@waynechristian.org

This podcast is presented by Wayne Christian School- A Christ-centered community school whose mission is to assist parents and churches in the education of their children from a biblical worldview to impact their world for Christ. You can learn more at waynechristian.org

Nate:

Welcome to Equipped for Impact, the podcast designed to assist Christian parents, leaders, and educators to raise up the next generation, to stand firm in their faith, and influence the world for Christ. We're your hosts. I'm Nate. And I'm Lewis. And we are glad you're here with us today. We're diving into something every Christian parent in a school community needs to think about. And that is how to build healthy, Christ-centered relationships with parents or with teachers and administrators. We're calling this episode from our house to the schoolhouse. And we're gonna just explore how this relationship between home and school uh directly affects your child's discipleship and growth.

Luis:

And this is really applicable to anybody. So if if you're listening to this and you're a parent at a Christian school, if you're listening to this and you're a parent at a private non-Christian school, or if your child goes to public school, like this is what what we're gonna talk about, Nate and I are in education, and so we're talking about it from the perspective of experienced educators, right? But but what but what we're gonna share is applicable whether your child is in a Christian school, a private non-Christian school, or a public school.

Nate:

And really a lot of this stuff could apply as well to churches. Absolutely. If you go back our very first three episodes, it was a three-part series about the home, church, and school and and how the three work together uh to disciple children. And so I've said multiple times on here about I always want as many godly adults pouring into my children as possible. So really this could go for not just schools, but you know, youth leaders, youth pastors, you know, children's church, anything like that.

Luis:

And really whether your child's in kindergarten, whether they're in middle school or high school, communication and unity between parents and educators, it's it's either gonna build a bridge of trust or it's gonna create barriers that hurt everyone involved.

Nate:

That's right. And so the truth is when when parents and teachers are unified under Christ, uh the students will thrive. Just like last episode we talked about the strength of your marriage is gonna help your children thrive. That also is moving into other relationships as well. Uh, but when there's tension, miscommunication, lack of grace, uh general and antagonism, right, the the kids will take notice. And often uh they reflect the tone of the adults that are around them. That's good, yeah. So let's let's start with the biblical foundation where we always start our episodes, right? God designed the family to be the primary place of discipleship. If you've heard us say it once, you've heard us say it a million times, right? Uh we as parents are the primary ones to disciple our children. It goes back to Deuteronomy 6, which, Lewis, have you seen that connection between our slang 6 7? Yes, yes. Deuteronomy 6 7.

Luis:

Yes.

Nate:

Okay, so that there, you know, just if you haven't seen it, those of you that are not on social media, which I'm not, but somebody sent it to me. Um it was, you know, in Deuteronomy 6 7 talking about how, you know, we're gonna raise our children up and they're gonna know the Lord and and serve him. So every time your kids say 6-7, you can probably quote Deuteronomy 6-7. That's right.

Luis:

And if you don't know what we're talking about when we say 6-7, you have to go back and listen to our episode on 27. Episode 27. That's right.

Nate:

Gen Z slang.

Luis:

Uh so anyway, sorry, I derailed this conversation. That is totally my bad. But here's here's what we know, right? Is the home is the primary place where discipleship happens, right? Yeah, so that's right. And so when you talk about education, um obviously we come at it from a Christian education standpoint. Right. But but really all education, so whether again, whether it's a non-Christian, private, or a public school, the school even all the way up through college and university, too. Yep. The the role of the school is to come alongside the family and to assist them, not to replace them. And I think that's one of the things that people have an issue with with what's happening in publication in public education today is that there seems to be this idea that the school is replacing the parent, but that's not that's not how education was designed. It's it's not how God intends for it to be. And so uh a school's mission should be to assist parents in the education of their children. Right. And the word assist there it's key. It's a key word matters, right? Because the school is not, cannot, should not be the driver. It's the assistant. And parents remain the primary disciplers and decision makers in the lives of their children, and teachers and administrators, we we get to join in that mission by providing the structure and the environment for academic growth, and specifically at our school, for the spiritual and academic growth while they're in our care.

Nate:

That's right. And so parents, like you can't just abdicate your uh your dis child's discipleship over. Just like you don't abdicate your child's discipleship to a youth pastor, you don't abdicate their spiritual and academic growth over to a Christian school. That's a good word. Abdicate a great word. Pull out a thesaurus if you don't get it, right? Um but I used to play anyway, no, that's a video game. Anyway, abdicating the king abdicates his room beside the point. Um So that's a that's that's we can't come at it with that perspective, right? Parents need to see teachers, pastors, youth leaders, you know, small group leaders, whatever, as co-laborers rather than service providers. That's really good. Yeah, they're not providing a service, they are laboring beside you. Yes. They don't they don't just provide, you're not just, you know, it's a it's not a consumeristic we can't come at it with a consumeristic mindset. Yeah. Um it helps if we're working in the same direction.

Luis:

And really that goes to this idea, right? Because when you think of it that way, it moves the relationship between you and the teacher, between you and the youth pastor, really between you and anybody, from from this idea of customer and employee to to brothers and sisters in Christ, because we're all pulling in the same direction. We're just on different sides of the same rope. Right. But we're trying to accomplish the same goal.

Nate:

Yeah, it it goes back, you know, technically the the verse in context is talking about marriage, right? But do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Yeah. You can pull that and and apply that to a lot of different situations. Um again, the context is marriage, but but still, you know, if if you're not pulling equally in the same direction, um, it's gonna be unprofitable. Yeah. Um and it's it's just gonna hurt uh your your your child and their spiritual growth. So that's a good picture of of the unity that needs to happen, right? Unity doesn't mean we uh necessarily agree on every single detail, right? But it means we're committed to the same purpose, we're pulling in the same direction, helping uh children grow in Christ uh and in in the truth of his word. Uh so let's get practical, Lewis. What what is you know, what's one of the biggest differences you see between families who have strong relationships with with a school, with teachers, and and those who struggle in those relationships?

Luis:

I think it comes down to to one key thing is communication. Uh and I I'm a huge proponent of communication, right? The more you communicate, the the the clearer you are, the less likely you are to have conflict. And so healthy relationships across the board happen when people communicate proactively. And so the same thing happens when when you're talking about your child's school, right? So when parents communicate proactively instead of reactively, then they're gonna have a healthier relationship with their child's teacher. And the way that it starts is just simply by by reaching out at the start of the year, by by introducing yourself, by being connected, by by getting to know the teacher, by praying for the teacher, by finding ways to work together. And oftentimes in in most settings, parents are gonna wait for a problem to come up before they have a conversation. But but start building trust while while things are going well. You know, there's there's data that shows that a kid can be successful in any school environment as long as the parent is involved, right? The more a parent is involved in the education of their child, the more likely their child is to be successful. And so just taking that a step further, right? If you want your child to be successful in a teacher's classroom, be involved in that classroom, connect with that teacher, get to know them, pray for them, ask them how you can pray for them.

Nate:

Yeah, that's that's really good. And and it's it's a proactive, you know, approach. It's not reactive. And so, you know, if you're only making contact when there's something wrong, right? It's a negative thing, then then it's it's just a struggle to um, you know, really be working on the same footing because it's like the the association is you know, you you silence is the best thing, and then any noise is is negative, right? So so don't just email, don't just call when you know grades drop or that you've got to complain or there's a problem, right? You proactively, I think one of my favorite things when I was in the classroom, which I'm not anymore, um, but I had some middle school students and um I decided to to on the teacher side proactively send some positive emails and I had a parent actually take one of my positive emails and like post it on Facebook and it was like, hey, look at my you know, my daughter, the yada yada yada, all these things that her teacher just said. Um of course then that rippled through the class and it was funny because then I had some kids that were like, I didn't get an email, and you know, they're of course they're graduated and in college now, and so that was a a long time ago. But um it was one of those where like it just it just helped. And and even when there were some negative things that came up, you know, we were pushing in the same direction, and we had that prior, you know, foundation of trust where we knew even in a negative situation, we're pulling in that same direction.

Luis:

And that works both ways, right? Teachers should find ways to encourage parents to be involved. Yeah, they should find ways to encourage the students as well, because encouragement is powerful, right? Um I love what Proverbs 1821 says, and and I'm gonna read it from the New Living Translation because I think it's a powerful image here. The tongue can bring death or life, those who love to talk will reap the consequence, right? And so this idea of bringing death or life, and so parents, when when you speak, specifically when you speak life, when you speak positively, a quick thank you note, a word of appreciation, it reminds teachers that their work is noticed and and valued. And and and I'll be honest, right? One positive message can oftentimes outweigh ten complaints, right? Uh and and it begins to build relational credit that strengthens trust when challenges come, because challenges are gonna come.

Nate:

Yeah, and and I think a bigger thing here is that assuming goodwill is key. Yeah, right. Um I've heard it said in in just general conflict or communication in general, right? Assume positive intent. I say that.

Luis:

You've probably heard me say it. Have I heard you say it? Maybe because I I say that a lot. Like when I'm having conversations with people like well, you have to assume positive intent. I'm pretty sure I heard it from Michael Hyatt.

Nate:

Do you know who that is? Um He probably copied me. Do you think so? Yeah. I mean he was the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers. I I still think he copied me.

Luis:

But he's quoting you. I probably just misattributed it. Yes. Okay, okay. I may need to I may need to reach out to my people so that they can reach out to his people. Okay, okay. Like give them a what is it, like a cease and desist. Cease and desist. Okay, yeah, okay. You said Michael Hyatt. Let me make a note of that. I do know who he is, though.

Nate:

Okay. But assume positive intent, right? Um and I mean this works in in marriages, in families, and anywhere you say something and your first thought is that they meant something negative by it. And it's like, mm-hmm, okay, just let's go with assume positive intent, right? Um, we're juggling, you know, dozens of things, right? As parents, as teachers, as church leaders, who who whatever side of this coin you're on, um, you're does juggling so many things. And so, you know, uh a careless word uh can be overlooked. Yeah. Because, you know, if we're assuming positive intent, we're pulling in the same direction. Yeah. You know, go keep going back to that metaphor. Yeah. Uh we can then look at those things from from that uh position of we're assisting each other instead of from the position of we're pulling in opposite direction.

Luis:

And I think that's a really good point to drive home, right? Because when when when we assume positive intent, so as a parent, if I assume the teacher's intent is good, then even when the execution isn't perfect, because teachers are gonna mess up, right? Yep. Um, and so the conversation is still gonna stay constructive and positive, but but if we always enter with suspicion or frustration, even minor issues become major conflicts. And so if if we're always on edge because we don't assume positive intent. And I think that goes to any relationship, right? Like like going back to our marriage episode, like if I'm always suspecting that my wife has a tone or she always has an attitude or she always is upset, then when she responds in whatever way, even though it might be minor, it turns into a big blow-up because oh, here she's being sarcastic again. Right. I think it works in the street. She might just have a headache. She might. She might.

Nate:

Maybe she saw somebody having breakfast for dinner and then she's then she's got a tone.

Luis:

Now she's nauseous, and so she's not being a good idea. And so the same thing works for our teachers, right? Like, like our teachers may not always have the best execution, um, but if we're assuming positive intent, then we won't be suspicious or frustrated with what they're saying.

Nate:

Right, right. So let's let's keep going down that path, right? There are gonna be concerns, right? Even strong relationships, whether it's a marriage, a church, you know, school related, concerns are gonna come up um at a in a school context, right? It might be a grade, it might be discipline, it might be some misunderstanding. Um so how can parents address concerns in a biblical effective way?

Luis:

Well Was it your dad that said never miss an opportunity to stay quiet? Yeah, to shut your mouth. To shut your mouth. A little bit harsher, right? But stay quiet. And so what about this, right? So so to leveraging that and saying Usually I say a wise man once said. A wise man once said. But what if we pray before we speak? Right. Like I can use that. Like I I have I have missed many opportunities in my life in my life to keep my mouth shut. Yeah. Um and so and so maybe there are times that before we say something, maybe we just pray and and we ask God to help you discern your motives. Obviously, our podcast is geared towards Christian parents, right? And so we assume that that most of our audience is is somehow connected to a church. And so, and so if you're a Christian, if you claim to be a Christian, then understand what James 119 tells us, which is to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. And so, and so ask yourself as as you're processing this, right? Am I trying to resolve this or am I just trying to prove my point? And sometimes I need to stop and pray so that I can check in my spirit and make sure that I am allowing the Holy Spirit to guide the conversation and the tone of the conversation.

Nate:

Yeah, that's exactly right. So, so what you're saying is you gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yes, yes, yes, yes, it is. I'm surprised you know that. I don't actually know what it's from. You don't know where it's from. I was a little afraid to make that reference.

Luis:

I don't know where it's from without knowing where it's from. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yep. I don't know who said it.

Nate:

I don't know either.

Luis:

It wasn't even low.

Nate:

No, it was not Michael Hyatt. You can email us at podcast at WayneChristian.org and tell me not to make cultural references that I don't know what they are, because that would be wise.

Luis:

Don't you tell your students that sometimes like if you like if you don't know what something means, don't say it.

Nate:

You better apologize. In fact, I was suspicious of 6-7 for a very long time. I still am, but for different reasons. Um So kind of moving on, our second point, right? So the first one, pray before you speak. The second one, this comes right out of, you know, it it's we call it the Matthew 18 principle, right? Uh go directly to the person, right? Um, not to other parents, not to social media, um, not even really to the administrator or head of school or whatever, you know, lead teacher, depends on how your school is set up. Um, you know, go directly to the person you have a conflict with, right? If you've got a concern with a teacher, go to that teacher. Um, send them an email, give them a phone call. Uh start with a private, uh, respectful conversation. This also works with youth pastors, youth leaders, whatever. Again, if you've got an issue with somebody or a concern, follow that Matthew 18 principle, right? You go straight to the person. And you can say something like, you know, I wanted to share a concern because I value what you do and I want to understand, fill in the blank, right? What happened here, how my child got this grade, um, what was going on in the classroom, you know, whatever. The conversation you all had in your small group at youth group. Um, that tone, it communicates humility, respect, as well as that you are coming at this from that perspective that you're pulling in the same direction. Yeah. And that's just good advice in general. Like in life. Right. In life. The Matthew 18, it it constantly comes up in in life.

Luis:

Yeah. Because I heard something a long time ago and and it stuck with me, right? When when you are talking about a situation with somebody who is neither part of the problem or part of the solution, you're probably gossiping. And and Proverbs 11 13 says a gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence, right? And so, and so just know that like in general in life, like if you have a problem with somebody beyond the teacher, right? If if it's a friend, if it's a coworker, if it's if it's your spouse, right, go go directly to that person. Um, because ultimately, right, the the goal here is is to do so in a gracious way so that you can find solutions. Like if I've got a problem with Nate, but I go to three other people to talk about it, they can't fix Nate's problem with me. I've got to go to Nate and help find a solution. And and it's not about assigning blame, right? But it's figuring out how I can work together with him. And so if you're having problems in a classroom with a teacher, or if you're having problems in a school, then then find out how how can you work together with that individual to help your child grow. And and this relationship language is gonna lead to better outcomes. When when you realize and assume that you're working together, it's gonna lead to a better outcome.

Nate:

Yeah, and that's that's great because it um it's easy to let emotion drive a conversation. And so then when you're talking to other people, you feel like you're getting them on your side and you're like gearing up for a fight. And so when that conversation actually happens, right, you've had you've probably played that conversation 15 times in your head, yeah, and you've probably always delivered some type of verbal smack down and won the conversation, right? But that's not that's not productive to for yourself, for the relationship, or for your child, right? And so coming at it from a calm, Christ-like approach, it's gonna honor God, it's gonna model maturity to your children, it's gonna help them see that you and the other adults in your child's life, coaches, teachers, youth pastors, again, any of those adults, you're all working in the same direction. And your child sees that unified front in their own life and discipleship.

Luis:

And that's really good. Just like you pointed out, it applies to every context, right? So what we're saying applies if your child plays sports and you need to have a conversation with the coach. It applies if they're in dance and you need to have a conversation with the dance teacher, your youth pastor, your children's pasture.

Nate:

Yeah, that's right. So let's let's kind of close this out with some practical takeaways that that parents can start doing right away. Like, where do you think we can really put this into action with us?

Luis:

I think number one, it's it starts with just showing up, right? So so parents, uh, we've said it from the very beginning, right? Like you are the primary educator in the life of your child, and so and so show up. Be be at events, um, go to conferences. If if your school offers parent-teacher conferences, go to them. If if your school uh offers like curriculum nights or open house nights or whatever it is, go to them so so that you can meet the teacher. Uh find ways to volunteer. Like, like, like I encourage parents all the time, you know, get connected, volunteer. Maybe you can volunteer in the cafeteria, maybe you can volunteer to cover a class, maybe you can volunteer to help in the office. But just being present is gonna build a relationship between you, the teachers, and the administrator at your child's school.

Nate:

Yeah. Another thing would be uh just respecting boundaries, right? Um, remembering all of these other adults, right? Coaches, youth, pastors, teachers. Again, any of these other adults, they've got their own families, they've got their own things going on as well, and probably ministries outside of the one where you're connected with them. Um and so things like late-night text messages, you know, unscheduled pop-in opportunities to just, you know, stop and talk, different things like that. If it's a coach, right, right after a game is not a good time to talk to them. Um, they're trying to clean up and wrangle the kids and get them all fed their snack and get them going, right? And so it just kind of respect some of those boundaries when you're communicating and talking with them and trying to and it and that's good for yourself too, right? So that you're not rushed just to have those conversations. It gives you the time and the space to to work it out in a good solid way.

Luis:

You know, there used to be a saying, I I guess it's still there, kind of like the 24-hour rule, right? Like wait 24 hours before you shoot off an email or before you say something. I get that in our culture today, maybe 24 hours isn't realistic because we're just so connected to to our devices. So maybe it's 12 hours, right? Maybe, you know, if your kid comes home and says, you know, my teacher hates me, she was mean to me today, you know, um, and they're telling you that on the drive home from school, and you're emailing from your phone at a stoplight, at a stoplight, like it's probably not gonna be the best thing, right? Like maybe wait, get home, decompress, get some more details, and maybe that night shoot off an email that just says, Hey, you know, my child mentioned that they were t talked to in a harsh way today. Can you help me understand what happened? Can you give me more details? Um and so that respects the boundaries of the teacher. Um, but and it leads to the second one, right? Support publicly, but question privately. Um if there's an issue with anybody, with a teacher, with a coach, with a house or a spouse, right? Um handle it behind closed doors. Um never vent or talk about the individual in front of your child because your child is a sponge and they're absorbing what you're saying. So if you're having a conversation about uh their their teacher in front of them and you're talking negatively about the teacher and you're berating them or or or you're insulting them, and your child hears that, they're gonna assume that that's okay behavior and that they can do it too, or that it's okay for them to feel that way as well. And so if you start to say things like, you know, your teacher's always mean, your teacher's always wrong, then that's that's feeding into your child. So when they go to school in their mind, the parent who they love and trust and adore and look up to is saying these things about their teacher. So obviously it must be true. And so support publicly, question privately.

Nate:

Yep. And and again, kind of continuing this vein, right? Modeling respect for authority, right? Your attitude towards any of these other adults in your child's life will become your child's attitude. They pick it up uh is the old saying, more is caught than taught. Did you say that too? Do we need to give you credit for that?

Luis:

I don't think I said that one.

Nate:

I'm pretty sure it was Abraham Lincoln. At least I read that on the internet someplace.

Luis:

Didn't he also say that whatever you read on the internet is true?

Nate:

Yes, he did. So it must be true that they go together. You know, more is caught than taught, and anything you read on the internet is true. As quoted by Abraham Lincoln. Yep, fourscore and seventy years ago. Um but it's true, guys. Um any you know, more is caught than taught. And so uh that attitude that you have, uh again, if you're you're sh venting or or showing that publicly in front of your child, they will pick that one up.

Luis:

I was talking to a teacher friend of mine who works at one of the public schools in our area, and he's a he's he's also a pastor. And he uh he and I were were talking, he was telling me about a parent who came in on the first day of school, and um he doesn't even teach his son, but he taught the father like a long time ago, right? Wow, and so um the teacher, the the teacher said that this dad goes up to him and he says, Um, if he gets out of line, uh you have my permission to beat his tail, right? He used a different word, but you know, he's the opportunity to beat his tail, right? Um and the teacher was like, I don't even teach him. And he's like, I know, but I know you and I respect you, and I remember when you taught me. So if anybody's gonna beat his tail, you have my permission to do. And so uh he was just telling that story, and and and obviously we're we're not talking about modeling that kind of respect, right? Uh, but obviously this dad had an appreciation for this teacher because he remembered him, and so he was like, Hey, like um you have my permission, I respect your authority, and so if my son gets out of line, uh you can be his tail.

Nate:

It's like the old, like they had the paddles in the principal's office, and like some of them had the holes drilled in it for better aerodynamics. Like I don't I don't think we can get away with that anymore. Not anymore.

Luis:

That's it's been a long time since they had those. Um and then the final one here, and and and this is probably we probably should have started with this one because because I think it's it's important, right? It's praying intentionally. Make it a family habit.

Nate:

We saved the best for last.

Luis:

Yes, yes, of praying for teachers and school leaders by name. Like we talk about family devotions, we talk about praying together. What if what if your family made it a habit every night to pray for your child's teacher and school leaders by name? I heard somebody say a long time ago, uh, I don't think this was Abraham Lincoln, um, uh, but they said it's hard to become angry or bitter with somebody when you pray for them. Yep. And so if you as a parent are praying for your child's teacher by name, and if you are praying together with your child for your teacher for their teacher by name, uh then I think there's gonna be some pretty, pretty, pretty nifty stuff that's gonna happen. I think God's gonna do some stuff. Yeah, good word, right? It is a good word in in in the life of your child and in your life and in the life of the relationship. And and man, I'm I'm talking about any teacher, right? Again, it's the this this isn't about private school, Christian school, public school. This is any teacher in the life of your child, whether it's a coach, whether it's a youth pastor, whether it's a Sunday school teacher, whether it's a a small group leader, whether whether it's somebody that is pouring into your child's life, um, pray for them intentionally. Yeah.

Nate:

So as we wrap up here, Lewis, uh, what final words of encouragement would you give uh to to parents listening to this?

Luis:

Well, number one is I hope the timing of this is perfect, right? Because we're, you know, most schools now are at the end of the first quarter. Yep. And so don't don't beat yourself up if you're like, oops, I totally messed that one up. I've I've already blown up on my childhood teacher. Uh things are already off to a rocky start. Um, it's it's never too late to start. And so maybe you're listening to this and it's the start of a new quarter in your school. Maybe you're listening to this and it's the start of a new semester. Maybe you're just listening to this and and and you're out of school or getting ready to be out of school. Um, I don't know when you're gonna listen to it, but but let me encourage you to do this. Um, write an encouraging note to your child's teacher or send them an email. You know, let them know that you're praying for them. Uh pray for them by name, uh, and then look for one way to build a connection between the home and the school.

Nate:

Yeah, those are great takeaways, and I hope that that this episode has helped you all. Um, because when parents live this out, it not only strengthens their family, it instrument it strengthens the entire community, right? Home, church, school, working together as a united front to disciple children. Uh, so thank you all for joining us today on Equipped for Impact. If this episode encouraged you, please share it with a friend. Uh, leave a review, and don't forget to subscribe so that you don't miss the next episode. Until then, keep leading the next generation to stand firm in their faith and influence the world for Christ.

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Luis Miranda

Host
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Nathan Deck

Host