Fairy Tea

The Ruin That Grew Wings

• Sophie Leonie Shantiben • Season 1 • Episode 1

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After experiencing severe burnout as an “almost-lawyer” in Switzerland, I moved to Colombia with no plan in place and began reconnecting with my forgotten fairy essence. This episode explores my messy, real-time journey of remembering who I am beneath the heaviness of societal expectations.

In this episode I discuss:

  • Experiencing burnout after seven years of pushing myself without rest
  • Spending three months horizontal before finding the courage to travel solo to Latin America
  • Falling in love with Cali, Colombia and returning to live there permanently
  • Realizing I'm a fairy—not in a cosplay way, but reconnecting with my magical essence
  • Creating this podcast to document my unfolding in real-time, without having it all figured out
  • Sharing from the messy middle rather than waiting until I've mastered everything
  • Building a life based on softness, slowness, and trust rather than grinding
  • Embracing imperfection, including speaking in English rather than my native Swiss German

If this episode stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a whisper on Instagram at @fairytea.podcast, or just write the words "fairy wings" in my DMs so I'll know you were here.

Contact Me:

This episode was produced by six-two.studio

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Fairy Tea is a deeply personal podcast where I share the raw, honest messiness of life—exploring how to break free from societal expectations and follow the heart’s calling. Blending storytelling, spirituality, folklore, and self-discovery, Fairy Tea is both magical and real, whimsical yet grounded. It’s a space to embrace uncertainty, face challenges without fear, and stay curious about the possibilities ahead. Through my own experiences, I invite listeners to see that a new way of living is possible—one that is intuitive, soulful, and uniquely their own.

Instagram: @fairytea.podcast or @akayourfairygodmother

Email: akayourfairygodmother@gmail.com

Sophie Bruderer:

0:00

Welcome to Fairy Tea, where we sip on the thorough wisdom of the fairy realm and uncover its ancient secrets for healing, pleasure and rest. I'm your host, Sophie, here to sprinkle a little enchantment into your everyday life. Think of this as one great, unfolding experiment, an invitation to dance with magic. Trust the unseen and let curiosity lead the way. Bury the script they made you follow. Break the mask you learned to wear. Call back the parts you left behind the wild ones, the soft ones, the ones that still care.

Sophie Bruderer:

0:55

Hello, my love, I'm Soph and I'm at the very beginning of producing my very own podcast. How exciting is this? Like, Let me just paint the scene for a second because I think it's just too hilarious. I'm sitting in my tiny bedroom I because, like the acoustics weren't that good here I had to tape like a bunch of egg cartons to my wall, so it looks really funny and quirky my computer's on my bed and I'm kind of like laying in like two like chill chairs and I'm in my pajamas because hashtag, no rules right. So here I am and what you just heard in the beginning was the welcome spell to this episode. I like to open each episode with a little spell. I'd like to think of it something like a keyhole, something quiet. Something quiet like a sneak peek, a little invitation to come in. If this feels right for you, and if the one you just heard did that, if something inside you stirred while listening, then maybe this story is for you. So let me tell you how this all began, or at least the part of the story that cracked something open.

Sophie Bruderer:

2:29

This podcast has been living inside of me for a little over a year at least. I've thought about it, I dreamt about it, I talked myself in and then out of it again, and then back into it. In and then out of it again and then back into it. It really took me some time to work up my courage to actually get started, because I'm also kind of shy and because this is deeply personal. This story begins with me. It's kind of an experiment, a way of documenting my own unfolding, a way of letting you in while I'm still in the middle of it all, without needing to have it all figured out first.

Sophie Bruderer:

3:12

Here I want to reflect, I want to share, I want to make sense of things I feel and see and live through out loud, in real time. So this podcast is kind of like a real-time remembering, and the truth is I don't even fully know yet what it is that I am remembering. I just know something in me is waking up and, even if it's still blurry, I feel called to speak from it. So I'm not speaking from some mountaintop after figuring it all out, I'm sharing from the path While I'm still in it, shoes all muddy and my vision foggy. Because personally, I'm tired of this culture where you have to master something before you're allowed to talk about it, where every insight becomes some kind of tutorial, where people speak from perfection instead of process. And don't get me wrong, teaching is beautiful, learning to me is sacred. But living, especially you know the messy, uncertain I don't know what I'm doing kind of living I feel like this deserves to be spoken to.

Sophie Bruderer:

4:34

So here I want to talk about the in between, about the part of life before you're good at something, before you know what's going on something, before you know what's going on, the part where you show up anyways, like the first time you go to a yoga class and you feel like all awkward because everyone around you seems to be having this profound experience and you just can't understand train station. At least that's what happened to me. I don't know about you, but when I first tried out yoga, my life wasn't instantly changed, and today I love yoga. But it took me a while to get the hang of it. Oh, and, by the way, train station we say in German to express when we feel lost. Isn't this a cute figure of speech? I think it's kind of whimsical. And yet that feeling, that feeling of not getting it, of wanting to belong but also kind of wanting to bolt but also kind of wanting to bolt, that awkward, aching, deeply human part of life, it's so valid, it's so beautiful because it's alive.

Sophie Bruderer:

5:54

So this podcast is kind of my love letter to that part, to the middle, to the becoming, where I speak from what I feel, what I see, even when I don't have answers, maybe especially when I don't have answers. So I'm not serving polished perfection here. This is also not a linear tale. I mean, how could it be if my life isn't linear either? It's just my real, ongoing story, with all its cracks but also shimmers.

Sophie Bruderer:

6:32

And over the course of this podcast I'm going to fill you in on so many details the decisions I made, the lessons I learned, but also the missteps, the confusion, the uncomfortable moments, because that's all part of it too. And just to be clear, I don't share my life or the choices I make to suggest that anyone else should do the same. This here isn't a guide, it's a glimpse. Isn't a guide, it's a glimpse. I'm simply sharing the messiness of reconnecting with my own truth. If anything, I hope it encourages you to go on your own beautiful quest, whatever that looks like, to listen inwards, to find what's true for you, because in my opinion, that's the only path that really matters. But I guess, if I'm asking you to journey with me, maybe I should tell you a little more about who I am.

Sophie Bruderer:

7:35

So who am I? I'm a 30-year-old lawyer from Switzerland and I recently moved to Colombia all alone, without a clear plan. Actually, I'm not even a lawyer, I'm just almost a lawyer. I finished my studies but I never got around to taking the bar. But, way more importantly, I'm a fairy. But, way more importantly, I'm a fairy. I know A fairy. You ask yes, I'm a fairy. I know this might sound a little wild, but just bear with me for a second, would you? I don't mean this in a performative cosplay way. I mean no shades on cosplay.

Sophie Bruderer:

8:24

I love all kinds of creative expressions, but to me it feels like reconnecting with a magical essence I carry inside of me. It's not about putting up a mask to protect something within me, but rather putting out outside what always lived within me, if that makes sense. It's this deep knowing that lights up my heart but is also an ongoing discovery, and I'll tell you more about that. So sharing this still feels kind of raw, but I also love the quiet audacity to it, and that's what we're here for Contradictions that somehow make sense too. The essential stuff. I'm all about the essential stuff, and it's only been a couple of months that I openly talk about this, and it's kind of a long story of how it came about, which I'll share more on in depth soon.

Sophie Bruderer:

9:27

And when I do share that story you'll see it wasn't one big moment, it was a slow remembering, but for now it's important for you to know I'm a fairy, the kind that finds meaning in moments most people miss, the kind that finds meaning in moments most people miss, that gets goosebumps from synchronicities, talks to the moon and believes that softness can change the world. And if you're into that kind of thing, I'd love to be your fairy godmother and not, in a bibbidi-bobbidi-boo way, more like a companion for the in-between, a gentle nudge toward your own truth, someone who reminds you that magic was never meant to be earned, only remembered. And since you're here, since you've found your way to this quiet corner of the world, I have a feeling that some part of you already knows that life doesn't have to be lived the way we were taught, that maybe there's something softer, something slower, something more magical than it seems. Something more magical than it seems. So I'd love for this space here to become a sanctuary, not only for my essence but for yours too, in whatever form it shows up. So welcome to my little fairy universe. Whether or not you yourself relate to some sort of whimsical creature absolutely doesn't matter. So maybe maybe you're wondering how I got here and, looking back, I kind of wished I would have started documenting this already a year ago, because so much has happened and, honestly, it brings me so much joy to honor the process. A year ago I probably would have done all this so differently, and I'm kind of excited to see how I'll go about this a year from now. But for now we're here. So first things, first right.

Sophie Bruderer:

11:40

It all started, I'd say, about one and a half years ago, when I suffered from a severe burnout. It happened a year after I graduated from law school. At the time I was working at the University of Bern as a PhD research. Honestly, my job wasn't crazy demanding and I had an amazing boss and we're friends till today, and also apart from my job, like my life was pretty much in order too, but my nervous system was completely wrecked because for around seven years I hadn't once dared to really take a break, and I don't mean I never went on holidays or did things I enjoyed. I did those things, but my body was in constant fight or flight mode. I was terribly afraid that if I made a wrong move, if I stopped, everything I had built would come crashing down.

Sophie Bruderer:

12:50

I guess why I was feeling this way is a rather complex and a whole other story, and we'll definitely get more into those details at some point. But I think it had a lot to do with the fact that deep down, I felt stuck. I didn't feel fulfilled in what I was doing and it felt kind of like my life had turned into some kind of role play and I didn't know how to break free because I didn't know where to go either. I remembered how, at some point, my body just couldn't sustain it anymore. I remember this one Friday in particular.

Sophie Bruderer:

13:32

It was a Friday afternoon where I was in a meeting with a couple of students and suddenly I started feeling dizzy, I felt nauseous. So I was sitting in this meeting and it's crazy looking back now, but honestly kind of heartbreaking, because all I cared about in this moment was making sure no one noticed how terrible I was doing, because at the time I felt like broken goods. I felt like if people saw how damaged I really was, how completely depleted and used up I would be exposed Like I'd lose everything. So I desperately clung to the appearance of being functional. So I desperately clung to the appearance of being functional, even though inside I was absolutely falling apart. And I guess I don't need to elaborate a lot on where my relationship with myself was at the time. Let's just say I didn't treat myself like someone I would care about. And that part of the story is still unfolding. I'm still learning and I'll share more of it as we go.

Sophie Bruderer:

14:50

But back then I didn't feel worthy of softness and it took for me to completely break down to realize how much I really needed it. So after that meeting, I remember going home that day and thinking I just need the weekend, I'll be fine on Monday. And then Monday came and I felt even worse. So I think I took like two sick days and I still was like under the impression that everything will be fine in like a couple of days. Like I was still kind of like clinging on to to that story that I made up, to the story that I made up about me being a lawyer, even though everything in my body was telling me that this is not the right path for me. Anyways, I took two sick days.

Sophie Bruderer:

15:41

I didn't feel better and eventually I was like, okay, what can I do? And I went to the doc. I went to see a doctor because, well, what else was I going to do? And he pretty straightforwardly diagnosed me with burnout, like he's. He's known me throughout my studies. And he told me like listen, you kind of like over that this. So then he gave me a two week sick note and again I figured that would fix everything. But the moment I stopped spinning, like it was the first moment in, yeah, over seven years that I kind of like stopped and paused and gave myself permission to calm down for a second. Everything I'd buried kind of rose to the surface and I was not okay. So the doctor kept extending my leave.

Sophie Bruderer:

16:38

This happened in early October 2023. So October, november, december of 2023 became a total blur. I spent most of that time pretty much horizontal on the couch. My roommate at the time could attest to that Like I think he was worried. I had no energy whatsoever and no clarity, just forced stillness and a shitload of fear, because, in a way, my worst fear had come true, because I wasn't functioning and I didn't feel like a person anymore.

Sophie Bruderer:

17:16

But interestingly enough, in that stillness, something shifted. It was small at the beginning. Something shifted. It was small at the beginning. It was only like a soft pulse, a quiet whisper, because after years of pushing, performing, proving, I started to feel again and for the first time in a very long time, I began listening, and not to logic, but to what felt real. And underneath all that noise there was something I had always known. My heart is where the magic is at and that's what I want to lead from, from my big, sensitive, open, expansive heart, because I'm convinced I came here to hold space, to see people to support, to remind others of what's possible when we soften. That's not something I learned, it's something I am.

Sophie Bruderer:

18:24

But during those years I had nothing left to give and I think that was the real heartbreak that I couldn't access the part of me anymore that I most wanted to share from. So for months I couldn't move, not physically, not emotionally, but I guess the extent of my exhaustion kind of forced me to accept that state and in that pause I could finally create space for something new, something I've longed for all along, but was too scared to go down that route because but was too scared to go down that route because I couldn't foresee what was going to happen. I just had to trust. Because my brain wasn't capable to anticipate what's going to happen, I didn't dare to go down that path and eventually something new sparked.

Sophie Bruderer:

19:21

It was this idea of traveling through Latin America. I didn't overthink it, I just followed it. It was my first ever solo trip, so it was a huge thing for me. I started in Mexico. I traveled through Mexico for a month. It was amazing. It was so beautiful. I got to know so many amazing people and places and really also so much about myself, like I felt so confronted with my deepest fears, but also I've never felt so empowered.

Sophie Bruderer:

19:56

And from Mexico I went to Colombia. I planned on staying in Colombia for about three weeks and, through some funny coincidences, I ended up going to Cali. I planned on staying in Cali for around four days and guess what? I ended up staying for two whole months. I don't even want to get into it, because this city deserves its own full episode. But there's something about this city, its rhythm, its warmth. It held me, it softened me, it reminded me of who I was, it made me let go of control just a tiny little bit. And and boy oh boy, life responded. So when my trip was up, it was a three-month trip. At the time I thought that was huge. I went back to Switzerland, I packed up my things and two months later moved to Cali with no plan.

Sophie Bruderer:

21:03

All I had was trust, and I know this summary makes it sound very aloof and easy, which in a way it was because I was so convicted and dedicated to what my heart wanted at the time. But I'm not going to lie to you. Like I've never felt more challenged, like I said before, like I've never felt more challenged. Like I said before, like I felt so confronted with everything I've already thought I worked through, and also this thing of not having a plan. On the good days it's the most fun ever because you can do whatever you want, but on the bad days it's the worst thing ever too, because no one's there to tell you you're doing it right. No one is even there to understand what you're doing, not even yourself. So it really is just about blind trust and hope that it somehow comes together the way it should. But in all of this I've also never felt more me and in retrospect I feel like I set out to find peace and rest for myself.

Sophie Bruderer:

22:16

So these past months I'm nine months in now have been about slowing down, about learning to live with less listening, more learning to trust my body again, to trust life, and today I think it's almost like I unconsciously built, like this little fairy monastery for myself. And you know, I'm still learning, I'm still figuring out how to live this way. Like I said, on some days I get it and on some days I overthink everything. But the moments where I do kind of drop in, where I feel held, aligned and free, I swear those moments make it all worth it, and I'm still ambitious, but not in the same way. Now I want to build something that matters, something honest, but not at the expense of my body, my joy or my spirit, and that's kind of the tension I live in, and this podcast is part of that. I'm learning how to trust what wants to come through and let go of over-identifying and thinking I have to reach perfection.

Sophie Bruderer:

23:41

This here is not a project with clear outcomes. It's really an experiment, a practice, a place to document my experience as I try to live life as a fairy in a human world. I'm on a quest to find a way of living that not only looks good from the outside but actually feels good too, because I don't believe in building things by grinding myself or anyone else into the ground. I believe in softness, in slowness, in win-wins, in balance, in magic, and I felt guilt for doing life differently, for not having a quote-unquote normal job, for resting, for not being easy to label. But even in the guilt, I've kept going Because I just know I'm not alone in this. So this is Fairy Tea.

Sophie Bruderer:

24:42

It's not a guidebook, and please don't take anything I say seriously, but take me serious as a living being. I just share what lives within me, but I don't claim for this to be a higher truth. It's just what feels true to me in this very moment and that might change further down the line too. It's merely a deep dive into my curious brain. So take everything I say with a grain of salt. Ideally, I can be a mirror, a whisper, a feeling that you're not crazy, that you're not alone, that you're allowed to want something gentler and deeper and more real.

Sophie Bruderer:

25:28

Life to me is an endless quest for discovery. I will never be able to fully figure it out. I'm still figuring out what it even means to be a fairy. I'm still figuring out what it even means to be a fairy. I've always been drawn to myths, fairy tales and folklore, but I'm by no means an expert. I'm just someone who feels a pull, who remembers something I can't quite name yet, but I'm curious enough to follow it. Little like Alice in Wonderland, I'm jumping into the hole without knowing where it leads me, and what I'm doing is I'm taking you along as I explore, stumble, remember and piece together what this magical identity means to me, and if you happen to know something about the fae world, or if you have stories, folklore or even strange little synchronicities you want to share, please do. And if anything I've ever said sparked something in you, I'd love to hear that too.

Sophie Bruderer:

26:32

This podcast isn't just me talking into the void. It's a place to trade sparks. Place to trade sparks ideas, memories, myths, questions. Let's weave something together, maybe even a new kind of fairy tale, and if I ever reference something or someone, I'll always give credit where it's due, because this is about honoring the magic, not owning it. So this season, I'll be telling stories, stories from the middle, before the answers come while the questions are still raw. So before I let you go, there's one more thing I want to share. It's something small, but it's kind of important to me.

Sophie Bruderer:

27:17

As you might have gathered, english isn't my first language. My mother tongue is Swiss German, so, yes, I'll probably say things a little strangely. Sometimes I might use words in ways you're not used to, or maybe even invent a phrase or two, but that's part of this too, right? This isn't about being perfect or polished, or right for that matter. It's about connection, about voice, about remembering what really matters, and for me, english has always been a bridge, a way to speak across worlds, to connect with people who live in the in-between, which is exactly where Ferity lives too. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for letting my voice into your day.

Sophie Bruderer:

28:15

Ferity isn't something you follow. It's something you feel your way into. Something you follow. It's something you feel your way into. So if you're still here, you're already part of it. I don't take it lightly that you've let my voice into your day. So until next time, trust your heart, notice the magic that's all around you and let yourself be surprised by your own unfolding. If this episode stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a little whisper on Instagram, at fairytpodcast, or just write the words fairy wings in my DMs. That's how I'll know you were here.