Lovers Update…

As I get back to hosting the show solo, I reflect on my journeys through travel, love, and self-discovery. I share my experiences of living in Colombia, traveling through the United States, and my newfound (or found again) love for New York City. I share about my intuitive travel style, my dating adventures, and the emotional rollercoaster of a romantic connection that ultimately led to heartbreak. Through my story, I emphasize the importance of embracing life's ups and downs and finding beauty in the journey.

Highlights:

-Reflections on Travel and Home

-My Intuitive Travel Style

-Dating Adventures in NYC

-An Unexpected Twist

-Navigating Heartbreak

-Finding Strength in Vulnerability

-Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

This episode was produced by six-two.studio

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Fairy Tea is a deeply personal podcast where I share the raw, honest messiness of life—exploring how to break free from societal expectations and follow the heart’s calling. Blending storytelling, spirituality, folklore, and self-discovery, Fairy Tea is both magical and real, whimsical yet grounded. It’s a space to embrace uncertainty, face challenges without fear, and stay curious about the possibilities ahead. Through my own experiences, I invite listeners to see that a new way of living is possible—one that is intuitive, soulful, and uniquely their own.

Instagram: @fairytea.podcast or @akayourfairygodmother

Email: akayourfairygodmother@gmail.com

Transcript

Sophie (00:00.396) Welcome to Fairy Tea, where we sip on the thorough wisdom of the Fairy Realm and uncover its ancient secrets for healing, pleasure and rest. I'm your host Sophie, here to sprinkle a little enchantment into your everyday life. Think of this as one great unfolding experiment. An invitation to dance with magic, trust the unseen and let curiosity lead the way.

Sophie (00:35.22) Welcome back, little fairies. Welcome to Fairy Tea. Welcome to another episode. I'm so excited to be here. We're already two-thirds into the first season, hopefully of many. Today's episode is a special one because it ties back to the second episode I recorded with Sydney. But I'll tell you more about that in a second. I feel like we've already

covered quite some ground together. Like I feel like we've been on a journey together. You kind of like, I took you along for the past couple of months. I started recording end of May, I believe. And now we have, now that I'm recording this, it's mid September. It's only going to air, I think, in October. regardless, we've been on a journey together.

And I think that's very beautiful. And so when I started to record the episodes, I was still living in Columbia. Columbia was kind of like my home base for the past year. I then took you along on that extensive trip where I kind of traveled throughout the United States. I mean, mostly we stayed mostly on the.

on the East coast, but still I covered a lot of ground. feel like I've, I got to know the United States very intimately and I'll get to that a little more in detail in a second. It's a country that, that impressed me on, very many levels. I did not expect that. I did not expect to feel that comfortable there, especially given the political situation right now. And now I'm.

As per my visa, I'm only allowed to stay three months in the United States. I would have probably stayed way longer if that hadn't been the case. But anyways, I've been back to Colombia for almost three weeks now. But actually, as we speak, I'm wrapping things up. I'm kind of giving up my apartment. I kept my apartment while I was in the States because I didn't know whether I want to keep it long-term.

Sophie (03:01.09) whether Columbia is going to be my home base for a longer period of time. I was considering this, but as I got back, I kind of just felt like this cycle here has ended. And I will talk more about that in the next episode. But basically I'm wrapping things up here and I'm moving to Mexico City. This sounds bigger than it is. I'm actually only going to Mexico City for two months.

because then I'm actually going back to Europe, to Switzerland to spend Christmas and New Year's over there and most of January. So I'm going to be there for two months. I haven't been back in over a year. So I'm very excited to see my friends and my family and to spend some quality time with them. So I'm only going to Mexico City to kind of like feel it out a little bit to see whether I could imagine myself.

spending time there like long term. And I've been to Mexico City before, twice actually, each time for about a week. I loved it. I think it's a wonderful, rich city. has so much to offer. It's beautiful. I love the culture, the language, the people, and I'm very excited to go back. I have a couple of friends there, so it's going to be fun to see them again.

And yeah, I'm just excited what this little adventure has in store for me. I hope I can do some projects and yeah, just I'm open to what's to come. But anyways, I mean, you've probably gathered by now that I'm not the typical traveler. think Sydney's and I's travel style. I mean, we touched on this a little bit. It was a little bit of an issue.

During our trip or maybe our biggest issue really, which it wasn't really an issue, like we made it work, but Sydney, who took two big trips around Asia and around Latin America, like she said typical kind of like, I want to stay everywhere for a couple of days and like do the most and then like keep on going and like discovering new places over and over again. And I'm not like that. I really love to take my time.

Sophie (05:27.33) And I also don't really travel to places just to see what they are. Like, I'm not like, I heard that whatever, Cusco is nice. I'm going to go and see what Cusco is like. I usually, I travel very intuitively. Like I'm almost like waiting for a call to go somewhere. That can be a person or a certain thing, a course, something that kind of like

connects with my heart, lights my heart up and then I'm like, oh yeah, that's where I'm gonna go and it has always worked out for me like that. And I travel very slowly so I like to stay in places where I feel comfortable, where I feel like there's something, this place is like, I can't really explain to you but I get to certain places and then my body has like...

I feel like a tingling in my body and there's this subconscious intuitive knowing of like this place has something in store for me. There's something this place wants to teach me, this place wants to show me and so I stay. And sometimes I stay, well, long. I stayed here for almost a year and so it's very interesting to now be at the point where I'm like, this place has told me everything that it wanted me to tell.

But again, I'm gonna get more into that in the next episode. Mexico City has also like, there were like lot of like serendipitous things happening the last time I was there. So I'm, I just feel like, I just feel called to go there to feel it out more to see whether I could imagine myself spending more time there and then potentially going back next year or the year after. But.

Let's get into the episode because the episode is going to be mostly around what happened in the time I spent in New York City. My new found, new grown love, if you follow me on Instagram, it's all over there. I have, and also my friends, like I think with all my friends I talk to currently, like

Sophie (07:48.482) Probably within every conversation I drop it some point. I'm like, I miss New York City and I actually Genuinely do miss it so much. But first things first today's episode is called lovers update and This episode wasn't I didn't plan to make this episode, but I felt like I had to update you guys after Sydney and I did our episode and love a couple of weeks ago

Not only because I mentioned there that I had a crush and I wanted to update you on how it went with that crush, but also because there's a lesson behind all of that for me, but I also kind of like want to share it with you guys. So as I said, I mentioned in the lovers episode with Sydney that I had a crush and I want to tell you everything about that crush.

So as we told you on the last episode about our entire trip, we had planned to go west originally. And then we ended up changing our plans and we went east and we went up the coast to New York. And from the moment we changed our plans, I felt this magnetic pull towards New York. I couldn't really explain it, but

All the other stops were fine and great and I was excited for them but there was something like when I thought about New York it was kind of like something within me was glowing. Didn't really understand it. I didn't make much of it at the time but I was definitely excited to get there. The last time I was in New York was 10 years ago and I went to visit the same friend that we went to visit this time on the trip in Atlanta who's now pregnant and about to become a mom.

And funnily enough, also, she was... This is a whole other like serendipitous story how we met and how we became friends and how we stayed in touch. Maybe at some point I will unravel that story because it's really, really crazy. But funnily enough, she was the first one. And mind you, this was over 10 years ago. I think we met 11 years ago when I was just 20.

Sophie (10:10.734) She and her friend were the first people to call me Fairy Godmother. That was 11 years ago. So that's not random that I call myself Fairy Godmother. That title was given to me 11 years ago. But that's just a side note. Anyways, I went to visit her 11 years ago in New York. We stayed at their apartment in New York. I went with a friend. My friend and I, stayed at her apartment.

for I think maybe three or four days, not long. And I remember flying out from New York, La Guardia Airport, and I teared up. Like I was literally crying because we left New York. And then I kind of forgot. I never had this like urge to go back, but I was definitely excited. I remembered that I really liked it. And like I said, there was something glowing within me when I thought about getting there.

And so that was kind of like the first quote unquote sign. So over the course of our trip, I kind of like moved into the idea of, or like I felt compelled to start dating again. So here's a little back information. I wasn't really dating for over half a year while I was in Columbia. I didn't feel like it. I was very focused on

on getting the podcast ready, I had fun with my friends, I just, it just felt right to take a break. Like I told you on the lovers episode, I used to be very overly focused on dating and so it was, it was the break that I needed. And it felt really good, but then over the course of the trip, I kind of like that

idea of dating kind of like came back and it felt really wholesome, it felt really really nice, it felt really exciting and I had this feeling of like I want to meet, I want to finally meet my person. I don't want to fuck around anymore. Not that I ever wanted to fuck around but I definitely met people in the past that I thought they were very exciting and I projected a lot of things onto them but it was never

Sophie (12:33.262) There was never really like a fertile ground for anything deeper or more serious. So I was like, no, I'm not looking for that anymore. I don't want to play any games anymore. I want to be straightforward and like, I want to meet my husband. I don't know where that's coming from. Like this whole marriage thing was never, never a huge thing for me. But for some reason, they'd like during the trip, it kind of like became really clear that I, that I do want to get married. It's, I don't know.

It's weird, but here we are. And so I started writing because especially on the trip, I spent so many beautiful days with Sydney and like we I've witnessed some of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen in my entire life. I felt so free and happy and giddy. And it was just such an exciting trip overall that

It almost triggered a kind of sadness where I was like, where is that person that I want to like, I want to share this with my person, not necessarily that they should have been on the trip, but I wanted to tell them about the excitement that I'm living through and the beautiful moments that I'm that I'm witnessing, right? So I started writing letters to my future husband and I wrote to them and was like,

You have no idea how, what a beautiful, beautiful life I get to live. Like, I feel like I'm the luckiest duck ever. The only thing that's missing is you. Like, and I almost kind of got angry at them. Like, where are you? Like, I want to share this with you. And through that, I decided to download Hinge again. I haven't done it in quite a while.

I have mixed feelings about the apps. I do think I've become pretty good at sorting out who's worth a shot and who isn't. I've met very interesting people through apps like Hinge or Bumble. Yeah, it's funny because every couple of months or years, I get this like nudge.

Sophie (14:58.328) this inner nut of like, yeah, go on there. There's something out there. There's something that wants to connect to you. Which is funny because for the most part, I'm like not interested at all. And I always listen and I always meet special people. People, some of them were still my friends. Never really worked out obviously, but I don't regret any of those experiences. So I download Hinge, I download Hinge actually before we even make it to New York.

because I figured I needed some time to kind of like weed out through... Let's be straight. Like there's a lot of trash on those apps. I'm not saying the people are trash, but people are very fickle. They don't really know what they want. And so it's like, it's very hard to like find people that want the same thing as you and that like...

or actually like interested in meeting another person or like committed to what they say. So I started my conversations. I wanted to be very intentional about what I wanted because like I told you, like I wanted to find my husband. So my message to the guys was, hey, I recently picked up

writing letters to my future husband because I like the idea that I can give them to them at some point and be like, look, I've thought about you even before I knew you. Would that be something your future wife would do? And I remember Sydney was like, you're fucking insane. Like who would write that? But.

I also figure it doesn't really matter, know, some people think that's cute, some people think that's cringe, whatever, like, if you think that's cringe, then you're probably not for me. Honestly, I must say, like, the reactions, a few people reacted a little weird or a little weirded out, but most of the people actually reacted very genuinely and, like, excited about my message. They were like, wow, this is like original, this is not the

Sophie (17:21.196) you know, stereotypical, hey, how are you or whatever people write on those apps. think a lot of people just have very little creativity when it comes to opening messages, which is also an issue. Like, come on. So I send that message and I took maybe three days before we got to New York. I took it very seriously. It was my job, basically. I think I was eight hours per day on there and like,

managing and like figuring out who has potential, who has like a certain level of depth, who kind of like, you know, time wise, logistically works out. And while I was probably at some point chatting around with around 50 guys, I ended up going on two dates. And so my first date was with Alex, bless his heart, like

I can't even explain to you how much I love this person. So Alex and I meet at the bar the first day when we got like, when we just got in to New York. I think we got to New York on the 8th of July. So I meet him in the evening of the 8th of July. A little back information, I didn't just leave Sydney to herself. Sydney was actually meeting her girlfriend in New York for the

first time in a month, so we were on the road for a month and I saw each other again after one month, so I wanted to give them some space too. So it just worked out perfectly. So I meet Alex at a bar. I immediately know this is not, like we're not matching romantically. And I tell him and he reacts like the coolest, most understanding superhero guy I could possibly imagine.

Honestly, like props to that guy. He, he reacted the way I wish every single guy could react in such a situation. And so we decide to still like hang out together, but just as friends. And we ended up having a lovely night. We go for dinner and I remember it so distinctly. He was waiting with me for my Uber in the streets. We smoked a cigarette together.

Sophie (19:50.23) And I had this weird intuition nudge. I just, mean, mind you, we met only a couple of hours before that moment. And I go, I think I said, can I be your fairy godmother? And he reacted, it was so cute. It was so genuine. He was like, I actually need a fairy godmother. And I was like, yay, let's do this. So we leave it at that.

I go and the next day I have my second date and so my second date is with that guy Jacob. So how that came about was actually Jacob matched with me and his, so I said something about dating me is like being in a big fairy tale, blah, blah, blah. So his initial response or his, his reaction to my prompt was

Should we combine fairy tales? And that for me, I you know, I gather the signs. I love when things just kind of like seem so serendipitous. I was like, my God, he basically had me at that sentence. So I look up his profile. I'm like, physically, doesn't seem exactly like what I'm looking for, but like everything he said sounded really, really good.

So I text him back. like, I think we should. I send him that message about me sending like writing letters about my husband. And he was the first guy actually who responded like a full on original response to that. Not only like, that's cute, but like really like went into detail what he's envisioning for his life, for his partner. I was like, is that something your future husband would do?

And I was like, my god, like I was already half naked.

Sophie (21:54.166) Okay, so we end up meeting the second day. on the 9th of July, we decided to go to meet in the morning, like late morning at 11 o'clock for matcha. Very low key, very like, you know, I like very easy dates in the beginning. So like nobody feels obligated to stay longer than necessary. And I feel like I genuinely approach online dating

in a very low-stake way. So I'm genuinely always interested in meeting new people. So I have no issue to, even if I don't feel sexually attracted to someone, to just spend an hour with a person and get to know their thoughts, their magic, you know, their lore for an hour. And sometimes it's just, you know, not that giving and that's

fine, but other times, like also with that Alex guy, like I was so intrigued to hear about his world, what he does, blah, blah, blah. I don't mind if, if the date is not like romantic in that sense. I'm always excited about meeting new people. And so I remember I was standing in front of the cafe that we were supposed to meet and I see him coming up to me. We're back at the story with Jacob. I see him walking up to me and I'm like,

Like, I had a crush on that guy the moment he walked up to me. I think it's very funny how guys put such ugly pictures of them. Like, the pictures he had on his profile totally didn't do him justice. But that's not my problem. Actually, probably worked in my favor. Or not in my favor if we like get to the end of this story. But anyways. So he walks up to me. I instantly am very attracted to him.

he instantly is very attracted to me. We're both excited. We're like, okay, cool. We go in, we get matcha and we go to the park. We sit at the park and I'm already there. And I'm like, I wanna just chomp that guy's bones, essentially. Which I don't do because I'm a lady, right? I mean, you can't do it within the first hour.

Sophie (24:17.794) But we have such a good flow, like we talk and talk and talk. He tells me about his vision. I tell him about my vision. We talk about our lives. We're like, we're basically on drugs at this point. And he clearly likes me too. Like he gets way too close when he was showing me pictures. and I really liked his physical presence too. I almost felt like there was this magnetic like hole towards this guy. was like,

Like, take me already. But I contained myself and eventually he goes, well, do you have, what are your plans? Like, do you want to hang out some more or do you have anything planned? I was like, no, no plans. What about you? He was like, I kind of have the whole day off. Should we just, you know, hang out some more? I was like, fuck yeah. And so we ended up going to

the Botanical Garden in Brooklyn. And the entire, like, we floated through time, through space. I think all the people that saw us, we were probably gloating from the outside. We got drinks and we just laughed and we were just like so focused on one another. We got into the park for free. It normally costs like $20. For some reason it was, or they just let us in. I don't know. I don't know why it happened, but they just let us in.

Maybe because we were gloating. Another sign that we were both like, oh my God, is, you know, we were so excited about this. And so we walked around the park, we laid under the cherry trees. We were both like, this is one of the most beautiful days I've ever spent in my life. One of the most exciting dates I've ever been on.

both, we were both just like magnetized and mesmerized with one another. So eventually I go, I just really want to kiss you. And he's like, I really want to kiss you too. So we started making out in the park. It was, mean, you know, a movie couldn't have done it better. Eventually we got, get thrown out of the park because for some reason at a certain time it's just for members, whatever we get out of the park and

Sophie (26:42.466) So long story short, our date just never ended. Like we spent three consecutive days together. We went for dinner, we cooked together. just, I slept at his place three nights in a row. And so after those three days, our road trip was continuing. So I had to leave. And so on the second to last day, I was like,

Sitting on his lap, I was like, should we talk about the fact that I have to leave? And he was like, oh, fuck what? You're leaving tomorrow? He didn't know, but he forgot. so essentially over the course of the three days, we talked about everything that we're envisioning. We talked about imagining, like that we could both imagine ourselves getting married to one another. Like we were both like looking for our person, our partner.

We talked about being in love with one another. Like, I literally remember I told this guy, was like, if I wasn't in love with you already, I wouldn't even be sitting here. Which is true. I fall in love very easily. I fall out of love easily too, but you know, nevermind. It just happens very easily with me, which, you know, is a blessing and a curse, I guess. But yeah, we built up this like crazy...

world of potential and possibilities and we were just basking in it together. And it was so hot. was so, it was almost like primal. There was this energetic pull towards this. Like I just wanted to be in on him basically all the time always. And vice versa. Like we were so into each other. Like it was, it was

cheesy and cute and sexy and everything you would want a passionate romantic story to feel like or at least I did and so I was like yeah I have to leave but I still have some time left in the US I could potentially come back and he was like yes fuck yes okay um

Sophie (29:02.656) So I continue my trip with Sydney and 10 days later I fly back to New York. Cute, right? So cute. Perfect setup. Two people totally into each other. And we both kind of didn't have any plans for those two weeks. I mean, I mean, yeah, you'd think so, but life, I've had its funny ways. So I get back from Chicago.

I come in, spent the first, would say two days were super like same thing. Totally into each other, totally crazy about one another, wrapped up with one another. And after those two days, I can't really pinpoint to what happened, but something energetical shifted just a little bit. And it definitely freaked me out.

And at first I was like, well, I just can't chill. I just can't enjoy it. I kind of like blame myself because I felt like on his end, was just, he was just the same, but he was maybe just a little less present, a little less attentive. Like my default setting, I blame myself. I'm like, you just can't enjoy it. You're just like an anxious bag of ants, whatever. And I tried to bring it up and he kind of like,

Like he didn't really respond the way I thought he would. Like he wasn't very empathetic towards what I was saying. And so again, I was kind of like, oh, I'm just making this all more complicated than it is. I should just enjoy it. I should just enjoy it. But I was definitely in my head at this point. And from there on out, it kind of like got worse and worse. I mean, it was subtle. It was subtle and, and, and

We still had a good time at this point, but we then decided, because his place in Brooklyn was very, very tiny. So we decided to, so he has like a little cottage on Cape Cod. So we decided we would drive out there. It's like a four hour drive from New York and there we have like a little more space. It's in nature. It's at the sea. That was our original plan anyways. So we drive out. was still, we were, and then it kind of got better.

Sophie (31:28.11) cooked together, we had a good time. He ends up introducing me to his family, mean his family, his parents, his sister, his niece and nephew. We hang out a whole bunch with this family, we go to the beach with this family. So it was weird, so we were basically living this couple life, but we didn't really have the

the intimacy basis so it would feel natural. It didn't really feel natural to neither of, neither one of us, but also we were kind of trapped in the situation, right? I didn't have anywhere to go. And he, we both wanted to see it through. We both wanted to feel it out and see what happens, but it, over time it got like more stiff and I don't know. I think we both felt kind of stifled.

But I was still very much into that guy. Like I was still very much convinced that that is my person. I think I've never had this feeling of like, this is it. Like I had this whole vision of our lives intertwined together, this creative, flowy lifestyle between New York and Cape Cod. Like I was just like, this is it. Even though it was kind of...

little stiff or it felt like a little contorted. I was like, whatever, it's normal that it feels a little strange since we don't know each other that well. Like, let's just give it space to breathe. Let's not overly focus on what's wrong here and just like, you know, get back to New York, take some space apart and then reconvene.

And that's kind of like where I was at. was like, well, this is not exactly comfortable, but I really liked this person. I'm really invested in what this could be. And I thought we were on the same page. And so after, think roughly a week, a little over a week, we drive back to Brooklyn, to New York, to his Brooklyn apartment. And...

Sophie (33:41.346) We spend one more night there. I then had my own place. So I suggested to not put more pressure on what we had. Because originally I was planning on flying back after those two weeks back to Columbia. So I suggested I would just stay in New York for a little longer, get my own place so we would have some more space to breathe and to find out what this is with a little more time and space.

And he was fine with that, even though I could tell he was not overly excited about that idea, which, you know, should have been a telltale. Telltale? How do you say that? For me, but I decided to disregard that. And so we get back to Brooklyn, we sleep at his Brooklyn apartment one more night. We order Thai together, we watch a movie together, like we hugged watching the movie.

In the morning he had to up super early because he had a job. I stayed longer because my apartment wasn't ready yet. So he says goodbye to me, he kisses me, he says bye. We didn't talk about anything, whether we'll see each other again, when, how we're going to approach this, you know, from there on onwards. But again, for me, it was just like so clear that we're going to, you know,

talk about it again and like reconvene once we both settled in a little bit. I say bye and that was the last time we spoke. Like I've never heard from this guy again. I think I reached out after about five days because I thought it was so weird not to. He didn't respond. I reached out again a couple of days later. No response.

So essentially that guy goes to me, the guy that was like, can imagine seeing myself marrying you, which, that I don't, you can change your mind. don't mind about you changing your mind, but we've been so intimate with one another. I feel like, I don't know. it just blows my mind that one could just be like, well,

Sophie (35:54.968) For whatever reason, he, it's perfectly fine that he doesn't want to continue seeing me, right? But just say something, anything. Hey, change my mind. Would have been better than just ghosting me. So, needless to say, I thought that was my person. I was devastated. And I think I wasn't, I wasn't devastated because of him. Yeah, sure. It was a beautiful vision, but obviously there were signs.

There were other signs I disregarded that could have led me on to that that probably isn't my person, you know, that I chose to disregard, I chose to twist in my own favor. So I was very, very, very devastated. There was a time, like right in the beginning of those three weeks that I spent by myself in New York.

I like, what the actual fuck? in what kind of weird, twisted fantasy was I living? Now I'm like stuck in New York for three weeks. I have nothing and no one. I was heartbroken. I was genuinely heartbroken. And I have a lot of like...

Yeah, a lot of like difficult feelings came up for me. There was like, there was definitely element of me blaming myself for not being able to hold it, not being able to like trust into the good things that come into my life. But actually that's, that's bullshit. Like I, whenever something good happens to me, like I genuinely, I'm really good at easing into it. I think it was just not meant for me. And like I said, I disregarded a lot of signs that

could have tipped me off, but just I think they did. But and I think my my whole anxiousness came from me ignoring the signs of my body. So from the very get-go while we were together, I felt super excited and super wired. But the moment we kind of like parted ways. So the first three days that we spent together,

Sophie (38:14.538) I went home twice to get showered and just change my clothes. And both times, the moment I walked out the door, I got like super anxious. And I think that was a part of me that already sensed that very volatile energy around him or around our connection. I'm not even saying that him per se is, I'm not saying he's a bad person. I think he handled it very poorly, but I do think bottom line is our energies just didn't match.

we together weren't capable of creating something stable and kind of like an environment that both of us felt safe and you know expanded. So what I'm trying to explain here is that and this is why I wanted to record this episode because in the lovers episode I go on and on about how I invited so much love into

all the aspects of my life, how I learned to infuse my life with love, which is true, for sure. But right after that story happening and throughout already, can like that wisdom, that theory completely went out the window.

After that, I couldn't see any beauty anywhere. couldn't see, I completely lost, like for a split second, for a moment there, my life felt like it didn't make sense anymore. I was so invested into the vision with that particular person that like going back to the blurry vision that I had just for myself felt so...

freaking daunting. And I know this sounds sad, but I just want to be honest here. Because this story has taught me so much and I want to share what it has taught me. So then what happened is like I grieved a lot. There were like some very, very, very dark days right after that happened. Right when I realized, okay, because in the very beginning I was still hopeful, right after

Sophie (40:33.998) The first few days I was still like, well, we're going to see each other again for sure. He's going to come around. And then after a while, especially after I reached out, I realized, well, I guess that's not going to happen. So I did spend some time in a very, very dark hole where nothing made sense anymore. Nothing felt right. I felt super dumb. I felt a lot of shame. I felt like I was betraying myself because really

You know, throughout the time I was seeing him, I was kind of like angry at my body for abandoning me. was like, why can't you enjoy this? Why can't you just be present? You know, and in hindsight, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was abandoning my body. My body was giving me very clear signs that I should be careful, that I should be aware of what's happening. And I just chose to ignore that. And so that

you know, stirred up a lot of grief and anger at myself. While at the same time I was missing that person, I didn't understand why they didn't want to continue what we started. Because to an extent I was like, if he only remotely felt what I felt and he was there too, right? It was like, no one in their right mind would give up on something like that. Like I just genuinely couldn't understand it.

But nothing, like I could, clearly there was nothing I could do and I just had to come to terms with where I was at and what was happening. And I'm like, well, now I'm here in New York. have known nobody. But luckily that wasn't entirely true because as I told you, I, before I met Jacob, I met Alex. And again, bless his heart because

Alex was there to pick me up in the darkest moments, in the darkest hours of that time. He sat with me in the park hours and hours, hearing me sob and talk and grief and question and, you know, running my head in circles as to why that happened, analyzing it, throwing it out the window.

Sophie (42:57.72) coming back to analyzing, like, it was the whole thing. And he was just there. I mean, again, like, he's such a role model for so many people. And we ended up becoming really good friends. over the course, like, those three weeks in New York initiated me almost into, a whole new timeline. After the first couple of very dark days, I was like, okay, well, you just...

have to move on with your life. You still have a life even though it doesn't feel like it. You have to do certain things. And so I made up this very nice and wholesome routine. I went to Pilates several times a week. I picked up painting again and like I... It initiated me into painting so much all of a sudden and I still do it. So it's like...

that kind like blossomed out of this dark place. And now I'm like obsessed with painting butterflies and I like almost no day goes by without me wanting to paint a butterfly. And it's just, it's become this beautiful practice that kind of like takes off my head from everything and just makes me feel good. And it's so nice to be doing more. I was painting before, but not in this frequency. And now it's kind like, it's a staple of my everyday life.

and other things and there were so many little small serendipitous things happening. I have this theory that I'm just 10 times more attractive in New York than I am anywhere else on this planet, which is funny, right? Because New York is filled to the brim with the most attractive people I've ever seen in my entire life. And I think a lot of people there probably feel like inferior because of so much beauty all around them, but

I see it differently, like I just genuinely love to bask in beauty. I feel like it just kind of like rubs off on me and then I feel more beautiful too. But anyways, I had a couple of meet-cutes, well two, which is a couple, two meet-cutes throughout the time I was there and other like cute coincidences that were happening. And in those three weeks,

Sophie (45:24.686) I also went for my very first Reiki session. I am now about to get Reiki certified, which also only happened because I was there. I don't think I otherwise would have ever kind of considered that. this again became such a major staple of my life in no time. I'm so excited that I discovered this practice for me. I love it so much and I genuinely feel like

It was meant to happen. like over the course of those three weeks, so many good things happened. And the most major thing out of everything was definitely me understanding that intuitive feeling or that anticipation for me falling in love in New York. I've come to understand that it had nothing to do with that guy, even though that happened.

But really, I ended up falling in love with New York City itself. I can wholeheartedly say I've never felt as alive anywhere else in my entire life. When I walk those streets, everything seems possible. I kind of like absorb the energy and the energy does something to my brain chemistry. don't, I...

I lack the words to properly explain what I experienced. Also, the coincidence is the serendipitous things that happened. Like, that place was speaking to me. It was so clearly speaking to me and it wanted me to be there and I had to be there for that time. So, at the end of those three weeks, so many good things have happened that

I could see that it had to happen exactly how it happened for those things to come into my life. For me to form a friendship with Alex who I also now have a business relationship with, in terms of like me being his fairy godmother, me coaching him and his creative career, which is what I want to do long term and me

Sophie (47:46.658) getting into Reiki, which has become such a crucial part of my everyday practice and something I want to apply also in my future working with people. And also the painting that has become such an intricate part of my routine. All those things wouldn't have happened if it hadn't happened exactly like it happened.

And that for me is the beauty of life. That for me is the magic. I the most meaningful things are usually never the things that I initially think they are. I think life has such a funny way of playing with us. The most important things are the most transformative things I see at first and I don't think much of them and then like through the back door they become

so essential to me. This has happened to me over and over and over and over again. And this just goes to show that your head assigns meaning randomly, right? Your head sees something is like, oh, this has to be this, this and this. And then life unfolds and it's like, well, your head doesn't know anything. Your body knows so much more, but that's a whole other story. And I want to touch on that more in depth another time. And you know,

This episode was so important to me because I wanted to talk about how kind of like all that theory and all that wisdom that I shared of like, yeah, now I live my life in such a different way. That is true, but those things are not linear. Like I got thrown out of that completely. Like after that story with Jacob, I was like,

Life doesn't mean anything. I am worth nothing. I wanted to access what I knew was true, but I just couldn't. And I think there's this risk with healing and becoming more aware that we get very harsh on ourselves when we make mistakes or take the wrong route.

Sophie (50:08.738) But at the end of the day, what even is a wrong route, right? I do genuinely think this had to happen exactly how it happened. Did I learn a lot about how I want to approach my romantic life in the future? Of course. Of course do I not want to run into the same thing again. But I'm still so grateful that it unfolded just the way it unfolded. Because ultimately, yes.

I went through a lot of pain in that time, but also I lived a full spectrum of life. I went through love, I went through pain, I've experienced magic, I'm the mundane. And like I said, it's okay that we, from times to times that we derail from our wisdom or we can't implement our wisdom as much as we would like to, but the wisdom ultimately is just

theory. It's not like life is not about perfection. Life is not about applying theory all the time. Always living life out is messy as fuck. And ultimately it's more important about like it's so much more important to focus on how we treat our losses. Like how we go about our losses. Do we

apply destructive narratives and again those come up that's normal but do we ruminate in them do we cling on to them or do we have tools and find can we find ways to move through the pain and transmute it into something rich and something that we can draw from because looking back now I feel like I just lived a lot of life I've lived such

a beautiful, rich story and I wouldn't change anything about it. And I feel like that's what life is all about. It's not about not making mistakes. It's not about dodging pain in any way possible. It's the whole spectrum that makes you feel alive, that creates your personal story and that therefore is your unique magic.

Sophie (52:36.01) your unique lore. And so let this be a reminder that life doesn't happen in perfection. Life doesn't happen in theory. Life happens in the ups and downs and messy in-betweens. And who knows, maybe New York is gonna end up being the home I've always been looking for. Let's stay tuned. Until next time, I love you little fairies.

Sophie (53:13.816) If this episode stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a little whisper on Instagram at fairyt.podcast or just write the words fairy wings in my DMs. That's how I'll know you were here.

This was a 6-2 studio production. Find us at six-two.studio for all your creative sound needs.