Metamorphosis with Lydia

What if the hardest chapters of your life weren’t here to break you… but to introduce you to a deeper version of yourself? This episode is for anyone moving through illness, grief, or profound life shifts — and learning how to hold all the versions of who they’ve been. If you’ve ever struggled to reconcile your past with who you’re becoming, this conversation offers a more compassionate, expansive way to see it all.

Today, I’m creating butterfly postcards in the studio with Lydia — a cancer survivor and intuitive healer — as we explore the layered transformations that shape us through life’s most intense experiences. Together, we reflect on what it means to live through something that changes you completely… and then learn how to love yourself because of it.

Lydia shares her journey through cancer, emotional upheaval, and identity shifts, revealing how illness became a catalyst for self-awareness, humility, and a deeper relationship with life itself. We talk about the courage it takes to face yourself honestly — to see where you’ve caused harm, where you’ve been hurt, and how both can become pathways to growth.

We also explore the idea of holding multiple versions of ourselves — past, present, and future — and how true healing comes from integrating them, not rejecting them. Through the lens of the butterfly, we look at the “chrysalis state” as a necessary phase of disorientation and transformation, rather than something to escape.

Highlights:

• Embracing past, present, and future selves as part of one evolving identity
• How illness and adversity can become catalysts for self-awareness and growth
• The role of acceptance in transforming pain into something meaningful
• Seeing the chrysalis state as a necessary phase of confusion before clarity
• Reframing beauty as something that comes from within, not external standards
• The power of small, intentional shifts in creating personal and collective change

About Lydia:

Lydia Slavutin was born and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She graduated Bard College in 2009 with a BA in Creative Writing and Literature. Slavutin currently resides with her cat Pocket in Greenpoint, BK where she also runs a shop named Sol Invictus - Unconquerable Sun. Her favorite affirmation is: find and follow your inner light.

Fairy Tea is produced by Six-Two Studio.

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Fairy Tea is a deeply personal podcast where I share the raw, honest messiness of life, exploring how to break free from societal expectations and follow the heart’s calling. Blending storytelling, spirituality, folklore, and self-discovery, Fairy Tea is both magical and real, whimsical yet grounded. It’s a space to embrace uncertainty, face challenges without fear, and stay curious about the possibilities ahead. Through my experiences, I invite listeners to see that a new way of living is possible — one that is intuitive, soulful, and uniquely their own.

Instagram: @fairytea.podcast or @akayourfairygodmother
Email: akayourfairygodmother@gmail.com

Transcript

Lydia (00:02.326) It sits with me still and it's so beautiful. It's the idea that you expressed and you came up with that there are so many versions of who we are and each person, each time and place that is us, whether it's happening or happened or will happen. Like to me, what it felt like you were saying was we can love ourselves for the things that we are going to become despite what we've done.

and also realize that the things that have happened to us that have brought us here that maybe didn't feel like they were worth love, maybe they felt horrible, were actually like the best things that made us this thing, which is still gonna become that thing.

Sophie (00:41.23) Okay, mic drop. What? I definitely didn't say it in such elaborate. You did. That's kind of like what arrived with you. And now you're like, now you mirroring this back to me is like, you're giving me chills now. You're telling me to chill.

Lydia (00:47.79) Good.

Lydia (00:55.918) You told me the story of being a sick person without knowing anything about that about me. That's what, you know, and that is how I received it, of course. But it was like, also this, you give us this space to like forgive the injustices of the past. It's like, almost like you're saying, think about the imprint in the larger picture because it makes us this person now, which is on our way to be.

Sophie (01:23.566) Welcome to Fairy Tea, where we sip on the thorough wisdom of the Fairy Realm and uncover its ancient secrets for healing, pleasure and rest. I'm your host Sophie, here to sprinkle a little enchantment into your everyday life. Think of this as one great unfolding experiment. An invitation to dance with magic, trust the unseen and let curiosity lead the way.

Sophie (01:59.65) I'm so excited to have you here. Here, Lydia. So what we're going to do, you already know a little bit about that whole idea, but we're going to create, I mean, if you're willing to. We're going to create some butterflies together. Yes. So, so I just, I want to recount with you. Yes. How we met. I love that. And I'm going to start and like, feel free to chime in at any point. Shall. But.

Lydia (02:01.517) Bitch.

Lydia (02:11.662) and honored.

Sophie (02:27.566) Essentially, I mean, I was coming to New York. I think my brain is so funny, you know, because I attribute it to my Sagittarius moon. Have you ever talked about star signs?

Lydia (02:40.078) We know that my birthday is the same as your dad's. Such a mistake. Yes, and I know that your cancer, I got that right, yes. And I can never guess cancer females. It's like a true enigma to me. we spoke about, I think that's it. So we haven't discussed, like, I know that I'm a Sag, Leo, Moon, Aquarius, Rising. I'm a spint.

Sophie (02:43.438) yours

Sophie (02:47.843) I'm a cancer.

Sophie (03:01.804) This is such a cool combo. so, can I, I just want to. I mean, have like, like rookie knowledge, kind of like, then again, like it's really deep, I love. Yeah. I love like interpret.

Lydia (03:04.408) Tell me why.

Lydia (03:08.846) is just, you know what? Love it.

Lydia (03:16.568) Because you channel things.

I can see it, you're a big-

Sophie (03:21.494) I love... Okay, okay. The setutarius, I literally like that makes perfect sense. I'm... No, setutarius move. It's my inner... I think the setutarius thing is you don't get to know it unless you know me. You know? With you, it's more upfront.

Lydia (03:27.278) You're a Sagittarius rising? Of course. That's who you really...

Lydia (03:41.428) But I don't have the travel bug. That's like truly, it's the one thing about it that has never resonated with me and I can absolutely, like you are literally like a butterf- Yeah, had a Sagittarian travel. Yeah.

Sophie (03:43.544) Yes.

Sophie (03:56.078) But you are super interested in life and everything, you know, like everything that is a life and like you have such a warmth and a fire and a hunger for getting to know people and not necessarily places in the travel sense, but you do have this like, you know, I feel like Sagittarius has such a like a lifely hunger for more.

Lydia (04:21.998) I really think that just drives me very... particularly with knowledge, not with play, but not with...

Sophie (04:24.344) Right?

Sophie (04:27.864) But you know, these things can translate to different layers. It doesn't necessarily have to. I think people sometimes take this so literally. It's like...

Lydia (04:37.966) Yeah, literally like this is like no no like think about how it affects like actually touches your life

Sophie (04:43.604) Yeah, and like you're very interested in cultures, different cultures and meeting people from different places. So that translates, you know, I think that...

Lydia (04:55.374) It's like so fulfilling, is getting to know about what, like the things you've done. I love it. It's like hearing like what you had for dinner. I just want to know about it.

Sophie (05:03.948) And that's so beautiful. That's a quality about you that is like so rare and so special. know, like I want you to like know that.

Lydia (05:12.64) You are one of the many reasons you and I were meant to fight each other is that you help me see a lot of things that I need to give myself credit for. Please. I wanna know, okay, so you started saying Sagittarius, moon and you.

Sophie (05:20.376) Please.

Sophie (05:24.844) Yeah, Sagittarius moon and I'm a Leo rising. we have those two. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. Very fiery. Very fiery. But in like, I think there's fire and there's fire. think Sagittarius fire, for example, is very different to Leo fire is very different to Aries fire. Those three are so distinct.

Lydia (05:28.576) That's so weird. Super fiery.

Lydia (05:45.294) Very much so. Exactly. Exactly. I think you nailed the Sagittarius Fire, which is like a thirst and a need for expression and the satisfaction of learning. And with Leo, it's a little bit more like being seen. And with Aries, it's a little bit also like thought-based, I feel like. But I don't know, I think it's more...

Sophie (06:01.326) Mmm

Sophie (06:12.462) More like a stubbornness. think Aries are like, I'm gonna run through the wall, watch me. I'm not that, I'm not an Aries at all.

Lydia (06:15.022) I was like...

Lydia (06:18.98) Yes, and watch the whole s-

Lydia (06:23.83) Not at all. But there's part of you that doesn't need, like, whether it's, I don't, it doesn't manifest as you want to be seen. It's that I think you actually need to be as part of your job in this life. sure. Your art and you to be seen.

Sophie (06:39.852) Which is interesting because it's my rising and it's your moon. My rising, it's definitely been like a journey, know? But also kind of like what you grow into, right? The rising is very much like something you grow into more and more. Yeah, or at least that's one of the theories and I think that makes perfect.

Lydia (06:48.138) of... yeah, whore.

Lydia (06:55.822) and realize that that makes a lot of sense.

Lydia (07:01.87) It really does because it's like, you know, the highest vibration of who you are.

Sophie (07:06.542) Totally. So I'm really learning and leaning into it and experimenting with what that means for me. Because I used to be inherently so super shy, again, ties back to my cancer, like my son in cancer. That's why I think that's... I was so freaking shy when I was younger. like it's...

Lydia (07:20.856) Why, yeah.

Lydia (07:27.8) You too? couldn't even ask for ketchup at McDonald's. I literally couldn't. My brother, this was a breakthrough moment, was him being like, enough, do it. But I think it was because I was looking at everything around me and not understanding it and desperately trying to.

Sophie (07:40.652) Yeah, I get that. I feel that.

Lydia (07:42.86) Like it wasn't so much withdrawn as it was like just overwhelmed with like visuals and like, knowing that something wasn't the same in me than what was around.

Sophie (07:54.208) I guess. I was like, what's going on here? Why does everyone seem like they got a manual and where's mine? Right?

Lydia (08:02.998) Right? And I was so young and I was like, why am I like the first thought of looking at my arm and having the knowledge that it was mine and I was moving it and not like getting that being like, wait, but how am I moving my arm? And I was like, eight. But I get it. It's, it felt like I was a bit of a stranger to this world. That's exactly right. There was no manual. I didn't know why everybody else had it so figured out.

Sophie (08:17.336) That's cute though.

Sophie (08:27.298) do believe that like, you know, some people are just like more, maybe more closely connected to the future. And then in certain times, it feels like they don't really, they can't relate to what is happening outside of them. But especially in times like now, where things are for a lot of people, very stressful and very exhausting and very frightening in many different ways.

I feel like I'm almost coming alive, which is it, which feels horrible to say because I don't want to be like, you guys are a hard time and I'm having a tough

Lydia (09:06.894) But it makes sense. It's like these are things that bring certain people to life because certain people need to enact change while other people are kind of shut down.

Sophie (09:17.87) Exactly. It's like all souls travel at a different speed. And I feel like right now is sort of all these things that were inside of me for such like everything here, I believe has lived inside of me all my life. And I learned for the past 32 years to kind of like find the words to express. I'm still learning. I'm still.

Lydia (09:38.86) as you do know it.

Sophie (09:43.308) Like I'm learning it in real time. Like as we speak, I have no agenda what I'm saying, but I like try to like bring out what is stored in whatever my heart, my body. And then also like coming from somewhere else, right? I feel more like a channel, but.

Lydia (10:00.686) It's so alive. It's so alive in you. It really is.

Sophie (10:04.046) It especially comes alive with you make me feel super super safe and I energetically know that you understand so it's like so easy for me to just open the gate you know what I mean?

Lydia (10:18.35) Do, because I've met you and because I've been lucky enough to, like, just in my 38th year of living, have people who I can talk about these things with without it being like, let me catch up on what I'm saying and meaning. Also, don't put me in insane asylum because I am actually okay, but I also know that there are things that we don't see happening that are happening and that affects people like you and me and that...

bring people like us together. It's just not an accident. There's just so many overwhelming things that are like, no, this is not an accident. These things are meant to be this way.

Sophie (10:54.152) And it makes me really giddy to think, know, 10 years ago, if we had had the same conversation, they would have probably tried to put us in a mental institution. it's not 10 years. It's And we can truly have that. We can even broadcast it.

Lydia (11:05.614) it goes.

Lydia (11:10.062) Even today, a woman came into the storm, as like we were talking a little bit, so I told her some of the nonsense of previous 10, she's like, I feel like your energy is good, I really like, mean that, but you do need to keep cleansing this space. So it becomes part of people's daily vocabulary to say things like, why aren't you palisade doing and staging? those were not... It was just not a thing that people would do, suggest as openly as they would, like, oh, open that window.

Sophie (11:29.688) That was not a...

Sophie (11:38.158) Yeah. And I inherently do not buy into the narrative of like, yeah, just like the West is just like, know, capitalizing on all these things. Sure, to an extent that is happening. Those things are always happening, but there is, I think, a shift in consciousness happening where a lot of people are more aware, more intentional about themselves. that...

Lydia (12:01.784) think there's.

Sophie (12:07.35) in return has an impact on how they behave in the world. know? The butterflies, like small tiny things have a ripple effect.

Lydia (12:17.804) And it's all we can manage. It's like, that's what we can handle and that's what we can change. So we really have to pay attention to those little moments. They make such a difference. I mean, I think that also the world is getting a little bit, like I think we got past a point, maybe even during COVID, where like fear was so present and prevalent that we didn't have any other emotion. And I think that pushed a lot of people to just start thinking bigger of themselves and like do the things that now make...

Sophie (12:25.676) It makes such a difference.

Lydia (12:46.518) this stuff more commonly.

Sophie (12:47.95) Yeah. Ooh yeah, Kowit. I mean, I don't know how was for you. I would love to talk to you that.

Lydia (12:54.35) I loved the idea of being stuck at home. It was something I'd always wanted, but I was not allowing myself to partake much in like the actual news because of how just miserable and sad.

Sophie (12:57.954) Hmm, interesting.

Sophie (13:08.596) Yeah, interesting. Because I mean, I left that for you. I'm so happy that it was not like a jarring time for you. It's a long story. Many crazy things coincided at the same time. I wholeheartedly believe today that this was not a coincidence. like, was probably part of a very brutal, very jarring spiritual awakening.

Lydia (13:15.822) What do I want? What went on?

Lydia (13:34.958) When cancer happened in May 2021, it was after all that.

Sophie (13:38.74) If you're open to it, I would love to talk about this more. But yeah, I had an accident, skiing accident in the beginning, right when it started. And I was at the hospital when the first cases came to Switzerland. my God. And that was so freaking scary to be in the hospital. You know, we didn't. I remember I was with two other women that had similar injuries to me. they're like one of their spouses came in and he was like coughing like a

like a motherfucker. And I was just there, was like, okay, I'm going to die. And then weird stuff happened. was, kind of like, so I had like weird bodily complications that no doctor could really explain to me after the surgery, where I could barely eat anymore. Like my stomach was really upset. I don't really know what it was to this day. I don't really know what it was, but I lost a lot of weight. felt super, super weak.

Lydia (14:10.634) I'm serious speaking.

Yeah, this is the end. Wonderful.

Sophie (14:36.662) And so I was so freaking scared to get COVID. And it was kind of like this feeling of like everything outside of me was not quote unquote normal anymore. And everything inside of me wasn't either. So I had no way to go. Like I had no point of reference that was somewhat safe for me. I was very, very close to psychosis at the time. I tried myself to into sleep because I was just.

Lydia (14:59.999) understand that.

Lydia (15:05.07) my god. I hate how flippant I was about it.

Sophie (15:06.102) I guess.

No, no, no, not at all. think nowadays I'm like super, I'm super good with, you know, I fully integrated that experience. And it was necessary because it kind of, in a way, I feel like I was experiencing kind of like this falling apart of systems that we're experiencing now. I was just feeling this way early and I was going through this.

Lydia (15:34.401) year.

Sophie (15:39.425) just ahead of the curve, just that makes sense.

Lydia (15:42.472) No, I really understand what you're saying. and feels like that.

Sophie (15:45.898) It didn't make any sense. There was no basis. did not understand what was happening, but I do see it now very clearly because I had to kind of like build, I call it like an inner infrastructure to hold myself. That was completely distinct to the aspects that would give me comfort previously.

Lydia (16:12.928) Yes, I really do hear you.

Sophie (16:16.014) And I think that's kind of like where I move from nowadays. And so I've realized when, when, you know, other things were kind of like come undone a little bit. I'd realize how this is affecting a lot of people and it's not really affecting me. I'm kind of like in this. Yeah. I'm like in this egg. I'm running around in this like weird bubble.

Lydia (16:38.434) This is exactly, I mean, this is, it sounds to me like you were confronted with your own mortality and this is exactly the experience I had. And it's like, this is why I try and really affirm to people, like just because mine has the word cancer on it does not make it any more important or like legitimate or difficult than whatever it was that allowed you to then become this lovely butter, you know, part of your journey through here. It's all, it's...

Sophie (16:45.07) for sure.

Lydia (17:07.117) just a different version of the same big old pile. And I wasn't ready for it at 32. I was 33 when I was diagnosed, but I didn't, it was like the after. It's like the past three years where things have really actually started to make sense about all that time. I have never integrated it like you have ever. I don't even know how to.

Sophie (17:26.859) don't think that's true. feel like you shared so much with me where you... Listen, I have this theory that you should go and that's probably going to ruffle some feathers, but it just makes sense to me. It's like this idea that you should believe that everything in life happens for you and not against you. that's especially with, you know, people that have cancer or are related to someone who has cancer or even, you know, crazy things like...

a child dying, like I know that they're going to be like, what? I'm supposed to think that that's to happen, that's happening for me. But I'm not saying it's happening to you in like a karmic way. just in the sense of like, no one deserves any that. You know what I mean? That's not what I'm But I believe that the problem is if you think it's happening against you, you're resenting the circumstances and you fight the circumstance. But the thing, the crazy thing about circumstances is

Lydia (18:09.102) No.

And it doesn't feel like it.

Sophie (18:25.206) No matter what you do, they are the circumstances.

Lydia (18:27.63) It's always the time between accepting and realizing that is what causes all of the frustration.

Sophie (18:33.356) And the suffering, the suffering is always the resistance. Always. The suffering is not the pain, the suffering is not the whatever burden that is upon you. The suffering comes from resisting the circumstances. And for as long as you resist the circumstances, you're not actually working with what is on your plate. Right? So from everything you've shared, and I want to go into detail more about your story, but

You've accepted this fate of yours and you drew from it. You're still drawing, you know what I mean? Like you're alchemizing it as you go, which I find admiring. It's inspiring.

Lydia (19:15.438) And that's something I can sit with, because I can keep doing that as I continue to live. Just kind of like, it's wild to think about.

Sophie (19:24.408) But even, you know, when you share about how this happened and like, I love a good butterfly analogy, you know, and like the butterfly for me is like a moment of like, there's a pre and there's a post. And I think that was definitely in it, something that happened to you that created those layers.

Lydia (19:41.128) that that cancer was a gift from God because there's no explanation. It's just so clear to me. It's like I was losing, I was missing it out on so much of life because I was so right all the time. I fucking knew everything. I wouldn't say that like, I think that like in terms of regretful behavior, like how I've treated people I really love, okay? So that's where it comes from the most. I think about

Sophie (19:44.352) Tell me more, please.

Lydia (20:07.832) the relationships I've been in, things that have happened to me that I have been personally really sad about, and then also being like, okay, well, did you do that to somebody you loved? And what I keep coming up with is that the relationship I was in leading up to COVID and through COVID and in December of 2020, I think. We were together for really long time.

almost four years, I think, and we were completely not sexual after the first like six months, which is really, I've described to you as having had a seriously negative effect on my self-esteem, which is nobody's fault, but it was hard. It was very hard for me. During that time, I think I emotionally established some relationships with people that I would not be comfortable with had they happened to, had I been the one in the couple.

and my partner was establishing with somebody else. I would not be okay with that. I know that about myself. I know that I crossed a line twice, but letting a man like kiss me and I never told the guy I was dating. And this was all justified to me in my mind because we weren't having sex. And do see how like that is rotten to me? That whole sentence, it sickens my mouth. know, the idea that I am doing something that

if we're done to me would be very difficult for me to survive in terms of self-worth and pride and integrity and self-esteem. And just because we were not having sex, that was okay. It just wasn't something I was able to stop myself from doing until I started to really notice it from the perspective of somebody who was sick. And that was again, because the man who I still don't know, I don't think he really knows any of this.

It's not necessarily essential. He does. If he wanted to ask about it, I would be perfectly honest now. But he actually sat me down about two or three months after we broke up, after I was diagnosed, because he saw it as a time to tell me that I needed to be doing better. And he just said, with the most love and friendship possible, Lydia, I really love you, and I just need you to know these certain things about you as somebody who lived with you for three years. I really know that these are true.

Lydia (22:26.422) You are very good at making people think that any conflict is their fault, and you're not very good at receiving the criticism of when you've made a mistake. You deflect very well, and then it actually becomes part of my story telling myself that I was the one that fucked up. So I was being really emotionally manipulative, and it never got as bad as having sex with somebody else, which is strange for me to say because that's still not okay.

But him honestly saying to me, like, there's some things you need to change because I want you to find love was huge. Because I saw that this person was just trying to be there for me.

Sophie (23:05.344) I bet, yeah.

Sophie (23:11.054) Do you feel like you would have not been able to receive that message prior to your cancer?

Lydia (23:18.414) Prior to the diagnosis, I wouldn't have been able to. And that mostly comes from, and I like, we've already kind of touched on this, that notions, any kind of notions really manifests in so many different ways. So the idea that I was immortal because I was young and hot in my late 20s or early 30s, I was making money as a bartender and I was, as a bartender, you're very much on.

Sophie (23:21.154) That is cute.

Lydia (23:45.62) stage so you get a lot of attention and you see these same guys all the time and they keep, you know, paying you and saying nice things to you. Some of them are real friendships, some of them aren't. It just makes it really easy to stay ambivalent and ignorant in a way that is forcefully ignorant, I guess I'd say. It's really easy to stay complacent and just like I was very lucky. know, when I stopped using drugs it was because

I woke up one day, I was just like, what the hell, Lydia? You are killing yourself. I had lost a lot of weight. We were just discussing your experience. I had gotten to a point where I could not fight sicknesses because I was not well. I was using painkillers aggressively. And my life had fallen apart and I couldn't pay the rent and it was all just so bad. my parents were my inspiration. I was like, they've given me everything. But I needed this, and this was something I realized with you last week when we were talking.

which was that this needed to come for me and from me and because of me, where I needed to learn who I was outside of the perception of my family, which was not very positive, and have enough faith in it, knowing that I would practice what I preach.

Sophie (25:00.504) That is.

Lydia (25:02.19) I only realized that after we spoke about it time I saw you.

Sophie (25:05.966) It's crazy, because that conversation definitely stuck with me because it was so special. when I heard you talk, and again, like today again, you refer to your cancer as a big gift to you, which I think is just such a beautiful way of positioning yourself within your life. When I heard you talk about...

how it changed you, came up for me, and that's what I shared with you last week, that it seems to me that almost like your diagnosis kind of like made you understand your life from your own perspective.

Lydia (25:48.632) That's again, thank you for the phrasing because you help me kind of put these, as you were saying, you're like trying to find the own words for your own journey. You've been hugely helpful for me to like put some rhetoric to the things I've been thinking and feeling. And this also comes from having a friend who cares enough to ask about it, which is something I really love that you care enough to ask. I mean, not many people, maybe it's because of other kinds of social discomforts, but people.

Sophie (26:10.84) Poor

Lydia (26:17.774) don't wanna really talk about it in my life because they were not as there for me as they could have been. And that's a whole other thing that doesn't matter to me the way it used to. It's not part of the story I'm telling because back then I would have been like, well, but Erin, my brother got all the attention when he needed it. And I'm doing it now as just a point. Only to say like, I didn't need them to take care of me and I'm so proud of myself for not needing it. And also while it...

Sophie (26:39.081) I love that.

Lydia (26:47.372) can still upset me, it's not something I need to hold over them.

Sophie (26:50.73) Again, like I find it so profoundly beautiful how you speak about this experience. And it's, don't have this with everyone. Like it's not like a skill that I can just, you know, apply anytime always, but your energy kind of like speaks to me. And then I put this into, and obviously like I'm not claiming truthfulness within what I'm saying, but I'm like more so saying like, is, could it be this? Could it be, you know what I mean?

Lydia (27:18.412) I think when our energy gets together, we are channeling. Yeah, Because I don't even speak about it as profoundly as I do when I'm not talking. Like, I really don't have as much of a distance and appreciation for this side and also the bareness of, like, what I see in my mind's eye when I think of that person going through that. And it's another, like, journey, you know? That was not me. I know it is part of who I am.

Sophie (27:43.566) Hmm.

Lydia (27:46.926) I could not be this person without that. But I mean, I let myself go through whatever came. A lot of that was some insane behavior. Because I was just, for the first time, I looked so physically, like, you know, you're such a beautiful woman, but I know that that doesn't matter to you in the way that many people think about their own looks, you know?

It's not like you wake up and go to bed every day being like, God, I'm so beautiful. Like, I'm so lucky. The world is so lucky to have me as part of it because of my community. We should, but not again. I mean more of it. That Lana Del Rey song, would you still love me when I'm so old and beautiful? Okay, so that's what I'm trying to get at. I, without realizing, was super reliant on being blessed with being nice to look at, okay?

Sophie (28:17.784) I feel like we should.

feel like that sounds like a good plan.

Lydia (28:38.158) I never had issues with my weight because my mom was just really thin. And these things just make it easier to be a woman, sadly.

Sophie (28:45.568) for sure, but also harder. In a way, I feel like it's a blessing and a curse.

Lydia (28:50.055) It absolutely is because there's weird things that happen between friends when maybe you can wear something better, whatever.

Sophie (28:57.398) Amongst other things. mean, there's so many aspects I feel like that are, you know.

Lydia (29:02.046) endless and also the sadness I feel for people who feel so physically stuffed by their bodies is something I don't even really, I do understand, I was lucky enough to be there temporarily when I was sick instead of some place where maybe it feels more permanent or less manageable. But being so physically different looking, just lost like all social normal, all social like whatever was okay to do, I just wanted to do the opposite.

I would bark at people. would just, my penchant for collecting trash and fixing it up got real serious. And I would go out in middle of the night just during chemo, like a crazy person in middle of January, like go into trash. And a lot of weird things came out.

Sophie (29:48.588) But you you loud it.

Lydia (29:51.38) I loved it. I mean, I was very alone, but I wasn't lonely. In college, I never really made any friends. So I experienced a challenge there of just being like, how do you spend your time when you know there's a social work going around you that doesn't include you? I'm so sorry. that's okay. made me, that was my first real test as a social person was having had fun in high school.

and then finding it very strangely difficult to find my people in school. Like just never really getting there in that way. All of it, like you said, it's all men, it all kind of connects. It's like, I just, as I'm speaking, I'm realizing that the person who was lonely in college prepared me for the person who was lonely when she was sick, you know? I just explored whatever the hell I wanted. And again, in that time, the spirituality or the level of spirituality I felt was more intense and more...

plainly true to me than it ever was. It wasn't no longer a question of whether I was experiencing things that, supernaturally, spiritually, whatever you want to call it, it was happening and I was there with it and I was letting it out.

Sophie (31:01.282) Beautiful.

Lydia (31:02.776) was letting it happen. So I think letting go of what we see ourselves as in terms of being young women, whatever, was one of the best parts of being sick, is knowing that I'm still getting back to it, but that Abe Yeardley isn't gonna be there forever.

Sophie (31:18.112) It really isn't. So I have this theory. I really want to get back to like how we met, but Holy real.

Lydia (31:24.486) shit, we will. that was a surprise.

Sophie (31:30.318) It's just what happens, but we're gonna get back there. I have this whole theory about beauty and I would love to share it with you. Please, please.

I think it's very absurd that we talk about beauty standards. God. Because to me, there's a huge difference between aesthetics and beauty. beauty is never just the surface level. Beauty for me always has like this sole coherence.

Lydia (32:04.622) good work

Sophie (32:07.086) beauty is actually nourishing and beauty is definitely not tied to any standards.

Lydia (32:15.904) And it's so sad how the phrase standard of beauty is so prevalent in the industry that creates these quote unquote, know, standards. It's so beautifully said. it really has so much, I love the way that you've, that you put the thoughts together. It changes it. It lands in this way that makes you think, pardon me, a little bit more about what it is that we actually just constantly follow in terms of our definitions of what we think.

Sophie (32:25.312) again.

Lydia (32:43.278) I mean, how many people have just struggled and that's why I mentioned that the weight thing is I saw many friends struggle. And I think that there was a weird feeling like I didn't think about that stuff as much. But I suppose in many ways now that I do think about it, it's just that I don't have to be concerned about it. The concern doesn't even come from me. It comes from my mother who kind of created the idea that I should be thin in my mind.

Sophie (33:10.83) Which is, yeah, I mean, same. Like I grew up with that idea. I was actually very choppy as a child. I was just talking to my Pilates teacher. Cause she was saying like, Ooh, you're so strong. Not, not the one that we both know, but like another one to saying, you're so strong. was like, you have no idea how happy it makes me to be called strong because I used to be, you know, that

the shy chubby child who would never get picked for any teams. And that was an inherently jarring experience. this is really changes a lot. Like it's a funny experience. they, it's interesting how like nowadays, like working out and being called strong, just like, I just feel so happy for that little girl. know, that's of like how I look at it.

Lydia (34:01.136) God. What a beautiful integration of yourself though, seriously. Of like, going back there and being like, hey you.

Lydia (34:12.686) We have kicked badass and dodgeball and those people were wrong. They were very wrong.

Sophie (34:19.406) Yeah, they were so wrong. They were very wrong. yeah, so just for me, like surface level, when things are in harmony and you can tell, for example, if you go into like a cafe or whatever, you can tell the difference, whether there's a space that is created from love and there's true beauty or whether it's just like, whether people just focus on, you know, the metrics of aesthetics.

Lydia (34:41.763) Right?

Lydia (34:47.564) Yes. It's forced as opposed to just being welcoming and happy.

Sophie (34:52.302) Holy! And it's so funny to me that people think that's a threat because to me it's like that's not a threat, it's just like...

Lydia (35:00.622) This goes back to the idea of the honesty and how women in America often just don't say no because I think they're afraid that it causes this like negative reaction. It's the falsity of like all this trying when we could just do what comes more naturally to us.

Sophie (35:11.34) We talked about this. That is so interesting.

Sophie (35:19.598) I truly believe like even people that are quote unquote profiting of those ideas, they can't possibly gain access to happiness that I access through a butterfly. You know what I mean?

Lydia (35:34.606) Without a doubt, the saddest, most grumpy, awful people are the people who have all the monetary material things that we all believe we all want.

I also think so. think that goes hand in hand with the way we speak about these everything with this beautiful language that's in it. With this spelling. with this It literally, it just takes everything. It's begun. It's like we have, we know that these certain formulas don't work anymore. It's not just like the perfect house with a picket fence and two and a half kids, the American dream. just doesn't, it doesn't fit everyone's mold and it doesn't work anymore.

Sophie (35:52.684) With dispelling, sweetie.

Sophie (36:13.912) We're shifting, we're reeling away from the American dream, we're going to the butterfly dream.

Lydia (36:18.574) Going to the butterfly dream, which where things are sometimes unexplained and that's okay. And there's been many paths.

Sophie (36:22.718) And that's oak. There's many paths and we're making them up and they're all beautiful and we can... No, there's literally no wrong way I love it.

Lydia (36:29.74) Yeah. And there's no wrong way to do it.

I love this very much. Okay, so how we...

Sophie (36:37.908) Okay. So that just, can I just, I have to finish one parenthesis that we haven't fully closed off yet, which is you're rising. A query is rising. Maybe my favorite sign in the Zodiac. Why? Because there's

Lydia (36:49.358) I want to hear what you have to say.

Lydia (36:56.642) Why are we so cool?

Sophie (36:59.566) I love that, the indulgence of it.

Lydia (37:02.142) Like, there, go tell someone, go on.

Sophie (37:05.806) yes. Aquarius are so cool because they like parts of them are literally from the future. And I'm so again as like like a Sagittarius, I'm so interested in novelty and like I've always been you know interested in trends and like things that are new and up and coming and like just because it's so interesting how like

Lydia (37:33.027) Why?

Sophie (37:33.81) why and how like those collective shifts all of a sudden towards something that hasn't been there, but maybe it has, but in a different way. it's like, it's just, I was always kind of like paying close attention to that. And like, I could always like feel certain things before they were happening.

Lydia (37:50.638) Right. Or maybe you were geared toward noticing something and then suddenly it's everywhere.

Sophie (37:54.616) Totally. And so I think that's my obsession with Aquarius is because I feel like they're literally the embodiment of that. You know, they're the embodiment of the future. One side of them lives in the future world. And that's sadly why they're like heavily misunderstood in a lot of cases, which I find ridiculous. Because yeah, my Aquarius friends are some of the most beautiful souls I know.

Lydia (38:14.584) Yes.

Lydia (38:24.654) As I get older and as I get more on the side of sickness and the way that your life kind of naturally balances itself out to make sure that like, to kind of further, not test, but just like solidify what you really want out of life. It's like the world has gently continued to challenge me to be certain that I want to make these positive changes in my life in ways that didn't always, don't usually feel good. Mostly don't feel good. But are so good in the end.

One of those being, you know, the Jason experience that I've had, this gentleman in my life for the listeners who has felt to me like my soulmate, but it's been such agony in my life that it never really, it doesn't make sense. It still doesn't really make sense. But one of the ways I've gone about trying to understand it was through tarot card readers, things like that, okay? And one of my favorite explanations of being an Aquarius was that we're really just as stripping.

And it becomes kind of like, it's all we really see in the end is like, what's really right to do in a situation. And it makes us a little bit more expansive. And she described the person who I was yearning after as being like a little small dagger. And she's like, and you are a massive sword. So just, she's like, you know, it's like not okay to internalize his negativity that he's made you think about yourself.

Sophie (39:48.718) Yeah, don't take that

Lydia (39:50.83) I don't even understand. And that was very helpful. And sort of rang true in terms of times I can't keep my mouth shut or times that are just not right. I can't just watch something not right happen. makes me not open.

Sophie (40:04.694) Okay. But see that kind of like beautifully ties into what I said about a career is because I believe we are moving into an era where we're not going to focus as much on like justice in like a dogmatic way. You know, not justice on paper, but lived, felt justice.

Lydia (40:27.04) Right, things that maybe reflect life unless of the laws that we've.

Sophie (40:31.182) Yeah, because if you think about justice, really what it is about is about balance. And balance is like a very... It's a sought after commodity, but also it's like, is nature's law.

Lydia (40:38.716) it's a sod after comedy.

Lydia (40:46.196) It is, it absolutely is. had one.

Sophie (40:49.11) Ayahuasca experience where it was just telling me like everything, everything you ponder, everything you do, everything, everything is about balance. You can look for the craziest philosophical explanations at the end of the day, it goes back to balance.

Lydia (41:04.888) Yep. Because you can't just take as a human, can't just give either. Yeah. There's so much that doesn't work on both sides. think that balance has always been something I kind of went through life before I got sick, kind of just ignoring anything that made me either feel physical discomfort and just not like, never pushing myself to do anything if it meant at the expense of my physical comfort.

Sophie (41:10.722) hand.

Sophie (41:14.318) Totally.

Lydia (41:32.814) Like if I was fucking tired one day, even.

Sophie (41:35.374) That's also just being a-

Lydia (41:37.644) Okay, good. But it lasted a while. Like, if it meant that I had to lose my job because I didn't want to go into work one day, then I would lose my job. And that wasn't, that's not who I want to be. Like, I want to be a person who...

Sophie (41:50.806) But it's also kind of, you know, understand it, but I feel like you can also look at it through various lenses. So also pretty badass, you know.

Lydia (42:00.62) I noticed that that is, it was always by my most like weak points that I was being judged by employers. So no matter how strong I was, when I would take those times to be sick, and that was also something really validating as a cancer patient was that I now no longer had to apologize or feel like I need to explain myself if I didn't feel well. And there was definitely something happening in my body I wasn't always sure aware of like being sick without knowing. And I do believe that it was,

Sophie (42:27.807) Shh.

Lydia (42:30.772) stirring in some way or another before it was all there.

Sophie (42:34.828) That is definitely a very interesting aspect because I remember as a child, mom took me for whatever reason, but she took me to a dermatologist, not a dermatologist, but like a beautician.

Lydia (42:46.951) don't you love those young visits to the beach?

Sophie (42:49.358) Yeah. And I remember that like, you know, they did like extractions on my face. And as a teenager, you know, had like pimples obviously. all did. they did extraction on my face and it hurt so much. And I said it, I was like, it hurts. And they would be like, suck it out. Like, what are you talking about? Like, this doesn't hurt. Nowadays, it's so common. Like every butyl, like when I get...

Lydia (42:57.304) Con-

Sophie (43:16.682) Extractions and they're like, just tell me when it hurts, you know, but at the time when we grew up, this is not common. Like we were taught to suppress a lot of things, a lot of discomfort for beauty, for beauty, but also for, for humbleness, for, for, for being brave for so many aspects we were, we were told to suppress discomfort and, and, and that discomfort.

Lydia (43:24.974) Two painters.

Sophie (43:44.768) accumulates over time. my god. And I feel like that that's what you just touched on is like you had this you finally had a legitimate explanation to say I'm in discomfort and people would not.

Lydia (43:57.614) And this is, oh God, so beautifully said. Look at the chills you give me. I mean, and then the transition. So then there was a time where I looked like a very seriously sick cancer patient. And then I noticed I became invisible to people. I stopped even noticing I was there. Because if they did, they would look awake fast enough because I was puffy and I was bald and I was, I had the shininess of a, I look like a cancer patient, you know? And it's something I saw and I think I told you this in another woman at,

when I went back to work at restaurants and it made me burst into tears. Cause it was something I recognized immediately as somebody going through chemo. course. And it was very intense to see that like, wow, like your body is very strong and it's really resilient and it's very scary when you can see it be at its most resilient. really like what you went through when you're watching the biggest infection the world has ever seen could close in on you while you are...

physically injured in a way and the timing of it is insane. So it's terrifying, it is enough to drive you insane. And it did drive me insane is knowing that there's so much that this body contains, but that it also can also take on and pass. Then the transition from less sick person looking to looking like somebody who was maybe a meth addict because of all the sores on my face. And the way that that got me treated was

Sophie (45:06.935) Lydia (45:22.69) so sad because I was so, didn't look in the mirror for years during that time. I still kind of don't really. I've gotten a little bit gun shy because I'm still seeing my face come back in a way that means that it just wasn't recognizable for so many years.

Sophie (45:41.398) just want the record to reflect them and Lydia came in today. She was fucking radiating. She looks like a bombshell.

Lydia (45:51.667) you. Just, just...

Sophie (45:54.574) You know because no one can see you right now.

Lydia (45:58.284) because people like you have come into my life. I've eliminated the nasty things that don't feed my soul but suck it, like the hospitality industry. I have been privileged enough to actually have created a business for myself, which I know not everybody gets to do, so I really like to be grateful for it. But it has a lot to do with not being around the negative reinforcement of working in places that didn't ever, no matter how hard I try, give me the recognition I deserved.

because of maybe the way it worked, I don't know. And before sick leave.

Sophie (46:32.878) Can we just quickly touch on the fact that even that sort of was a blessing in disguise because it led you to where you are now. You know what I mean? Like not being, having been, having...

Lydia (46:46.894) Yes, not being embraced as successful as I was in this industry. Drove you. Drove me absolutely. And it showed on my face. My psoriasis and the lack of water flow became these sores. And the attempt to cover them with makeup was just futile. It was so silly to try and cover it. It was all water and nonsense. So I just lived with it. And this is, so helpful to me of just being like, is not enough emphasis on

Sophie (46:51.566) Dude.

Lydia (47:15.726) The beauty that comes from seeing the soul, like you described beauty from an internal out, it really, it should be so important that it comes from ourselves to ourselves first as well. And it just becomes, I really value myself for so much more than I used to even consider or think about.

Sophie (47:27.246) Cool.

Sophie (47:34.35) Mmm. This. Mmm. That is so good.

Lydia (47:38.146) Because I think it's easy when you are thin to be like, I'm thin. Like, that's what I am. That's part of who I am. That's not part of who you are. It can't be a thing that you look upon as a point of pride. There are so many things that are worth looking upon with pride.

Sophie (47:43.778) Yeah.

Sophie (47:47.179) No.

Sophie (47:56.556) Definitely. But yeah, let's go back to how we met. I came to New York and I knew I had this artisan residency project and I wanted to set up this space. was like looking for, especially in the area that I live in, was like looking for vintage stores and like antique stores, thrift stores, whatever. And I saw, and this is very interesting because you know that, but I came to your store three times before you would.

Grant me access. And this is so funny because I read a Google review of your store that was very beautifully written that said that you had like a special talent to find. I don't know the exact wording anymore, but like you had a special talent to find special pieces. I was like, okay, this is the store I need to go to. So the first time I went, it was closed. That was on me. The second time you were there.

Lydia (48:52.618) I was closing and I was having a really bad day. that's why I like seriously like you came at a time where I needed a friend because I think I was having both simultaneously Jason issues but also going through a lot of frustrations with the woman who was supposed to be helping me at the store at the I'm so sorry. no, it is truly okay. But it was like the day that I let I turned her away.

I regretted it tremendously because I remember it was kind of like rainy and I was closing earlier than usual because I was just sad. And I was like, I'm just not even in a position to really like talk.

Sophie (49:29.774) public. it was perfectly fine, but I definitely had to, you know, be a little stubborn, which is a quality that I inherently inhabit. So don't worry. So the third time, third time was a winner.

Lydia (49:32.086) I was delighted that when you came back.

Lydia (49:39.886) Bye.

Lydia (49:50.094) That was natural.

Lydia (49:55.97) Yep, you just gotta come three times.

Sophie (49:58.062) Yeah, you're not easy to get.

Lydia (50:00.61) I've the first time. Come on. Come on. Please.

Sophie (50:04.23) and the third time I came, we like immediately like, I feel like we immediately hit it off.

Lydia (50:10.158) I remember not being sure if you were one of those people who I should like engage with a little bit, but I cannot remember the point where it became just immediately comfortable. Cause it was like the moment we both were face to face, it was just like, hit that. And then I remember you said, I think it was the first time you came with the list of stuff you were looking for or was that the second? Okay, because I remember the rug being like, like a beautifully like symbiotic moment where our Reiki teacher,

Sophie (50:29.07) I think that was the second time.

That was a beautiful.

Lydia (50:39.33) had very beautifully mapped out the space. And I had this rug I was gonna fix, and I suggested she take it for a very inexpensive, and it happened to be the color of...

Sophie (50:41.646) Truly.

Sophie (50:49.338) Yeah, that was crazy. And that was honestly like, I remember telling you about the project and you were so supportive about it from right off the bat.

Lydia (50:59.394) Beautiful. was so engaging. It was like, again, the dispelling of something else. was like, butterflies are very special. We've forgotten about this.

Sophie (51:08.078) I love that. But I want to tell you this because this means so much to me. It's like, you kind of like helping me on getting the space ready was kind like the first instance where I felt like this project is supported beyond my own force. You know what I mean? Like I was like, okay, there's something very special about this project and you were the very first angel sign in that sense. And then very many happened afterwards.

one of them being the whole rug thing, like meeting you and you being so interested about it and then like you helping me with the things, was just like, it meant so much to me in that moment. Because bear in mind, before you, this was the only thing I had. Which for the people that don't see this right now is a glass with little stars on it. That's all I had.

Lydia (51:56.854) Ha ha ha!

Sophie (52:04.366) That was the first thing I got. was like, well, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but it looks magical. And I feel like that's where we have to start. Yes. Yes. And everything. So what was very important for me in this, putting this project together, because it's inherently like this co-creation. Like you said, you come in and you feel the space. There's literal magic that was performed on a space. But what was so important for me was again, beauty. That not only look good, but that feel good. And that's part of

all of this,

Lydia (52:34.99) So yeah, giving the fact that you immediately presented this brilliant idea of like, I'm only doing this temporarily. So like, I will certainly pay full price for things, but if you wanted to like, buy it back, that was brilliant. That was so It's within itself, it's a little circle of life that gets to be brought to these objects that allows for me to have new merchandise for a while and then have these wonderful pieces of this space back.

Sophie (52:58.882) that have an added storage.

Lydia (53:00.088) to that added story. And also, I want you to recognize yourself because the reason why I was so blindly excited to help was because of just the sentence you gave me of your project, which I was like, where was a huge thing to ask of somebody? like, so just tell me what your project is in one sentence. But it sits with me still. It's so beautiful. It's the idea that you expressed and you came up with that there are so many versions of who we are. And each person, each time and place that is us.

whether it's happening or happened or will happen. Like to me, what it felt like you were saying was we can love ourselves for the things that we are going to become despite what we've done. And also realize that the things that have happened to us that have brought us here that maybe didn't feel like they were worth love, maybe they felt horrible, were actually like the best things that made us this thing, which is still gonna become that thing.

Sophie (53:56.844) Okay, mic drop. What? I definitely didn't say it in such elaborate. You did. It's kind like what arrived with you. And now you're like, now you mirroring this back to me is like, you're giving me chills now.

Lydia (54:03.371) EW DUDE

Lydia (54:11.374) You told me the story of my... are, but you told me the story of being a sick person without knowing anything about that about me. That's what, you know, and that is how I received it, of course. But it was like, also this, you give us this space to like forgive the injustices of the past. It's like, almost like you're saying like, think about the imprint in the larger picture because it makes us this person now, which is on our way to becoming that person.

And I don't think you attract negativity. Like I don't think that you're gonna have like a, like a burnt, no that's not, I'm not gonna say that, like a serial killer, whatever. But like, you know what mean? you are, Yeah. It's always gonna be people who really maybe need to hear it at that moment or have been through some things and just wanna be recognized for that. You give us that.

Sophie (54:48.482) They don't

Sophie (55:02.766) I think I see, you can call it beauty, can, know, beauty in my definition again with this like soul coherence, you can also call it something. You can call it like holy, you can call it sacred, whatever. But I definitely have this thing that I see this within people. I see this within everyone. feel like

Lydia (55:17.944) We should find a new beer.

Sophie (55:32.674) God is not so far removed.

Lydia (55:35.278) I think that's what I meant when I said the negativity doesn't come at you. It's like you just don't see it.

Sophie (55:41.356) I don't see it. Yeah, that's true. It just doesn't exist. Yeah. It is true.

Lydia (55:43.566) And it's like, you know, it's not done in a vacuum is what I'm saying. like you were brought to me at a time where I absolutely needed a little bit of a reminder of like what I am, who I am, that I do something that has value to the world with my shop. That makes me feel great.

And it's like.

That's what it feels like because then it gets it's like it gets paid for It's like you have the lives and then those lives are in turn able to touch

Sophie (56:15.99) No.

Sophie (56:20.782) The butterfly effect. know, I'm just living the butterfly effect essentially. So how I close these is I want to do like a little experiment with you, which is like, told you about, I've sent you the information about the project. It's kind like, how can we feel into like the future or like a butterfly state of the collective? What I offer is like a different lens to.

what we're experiencing currently. And that lens is the butterfly. And so what if we were to say that the current state is more of a chrysalis state? If you connect to the current state of the world and how that feels in your body again, it's not about like accusing anyone or be like, you know, fault with like what it feels in your body.

Lydia (57:19.628) Okay. My currency is usually pretty hopeful, but also a bit uncertain. And I think that I can say this, I think that people are getting hopeful. Or at least they're starting to create hope for themselves realizing that that's kind of always been the trick.

Sophie (57:39.15) Beautiful. See, you're such an Aquarius. You're so ahead of everyone else. already like feel the light shimmering through the dark.

Lydia (57:45.314) Yo, I think

Lydia (57:49.294) I think that there's the best thing about whatever it is that I am is that a long time ago, even before I was sick, but particularly so after, I realized there's just so very little worth getting upset like an angry over. Anger is a very big waste of time and energy. And it is the scariest of these emotions I've been on receiving end of. So I don't naturally gear toward it. I never yell. And I really try not to get too worked up. And as long as it doesn't become apathy,

You're good. Like things are going to be okay. It also helps that I survived cancer for me to be like, yeah, things are going to be generally like genuinely and generally. You've seen. They're going to be fine. So is, but so have we all. And it's also about recognizing like, see that, see that don't like don't don't dismiss those, those trials and you've been through worse and that's not my favorite response to current stresses, but it does sometimes help.

Sophie (58:21.548) Hmm.

Sophie (58:27.79) Okay. You've been. You're.

Sophie (58:48.694) It does. And like, love how you just said, you know, like, I truly feel like you created those, like you felt tremendous pressure and you created those diamonds out of it, you know, and now you're kind of like harnessing it in the sense that you're like, you know, they, they washed me with certain waters. Like I'm not that easily spooked. That is huge.

Lydia (59:10.702) And it happens a little bit, it happens in a way that kind of, I don't know, I think it happened. I think that the decision that I made that this was, that was never gonna be something that, was never a question whether I would survive. It was just a certainty. That has a lot to do with the spiritual, like kind of when things occur. I'm sure you understand this, when you talk sometimes, sometimes when I'm speaking to somebody, if I have like an immediately,

Sophie (59:25.902) You're welcome.

Lydia (59:39.106) like logical answer to a question they might be asking. I don't believe it comes from me. I believe it's something else that I have to tell them, but like, and I'll sometimes warn the person to be like, if this is too personal or it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, but this is happening because I think I got it. So it's like just that reliance on like the automatic that the spirit can do and then less resistance as we discuss.

Sophie (01:00:05.122) Beautiful. So if we were to apply again, the symbol of the butterfly, and I think where it gets really interesting is like, if you think about it, the caterpillar contains the information of the butterfly. It's not randomly becoming the butterfly. Like it already stores the information. I believe so do we, but just like each of us contain like the little fraction of it, a little fragment. So we have to put the fragments together. And that's kind of like what I'm...

This laboratory is like to bring as many fractions together as they are. from that, I want to draw like a bigger picture. again, I want you to tap into your body and now connect to the butterfly state of the collective. And how would that feel?

Lydia (01:00:56.012) I think the struggle we all have to be individuals because we want to be different becomes like an obstacle toward asking for help and perceiving life as a community, as a collective, knowing that our actions affect others, but also actually knowing that we have the help of others. I think there's a future gap there. think that animals, insects, butterflies, even like...

just think about this now, they pop butterflies between themselves, knowing what they can affect into the world, have possibly maybe their own kind of like hive consciousness outside of them. It's like with that magical thought of that existing. And they're so individualistic in every way, the way they look, but they are connected because they do something bigger than them. So it's like their entire purpose is that the bigger thing, that's the future of

Or that is the way that ideally humanity will succeed. It's just kind of...

Sophie (01:01:57.794) But again, beautiful. love the- In your body, cause we're now getting like, it's, it's very easily like tapping to like, you know, brain explanation, how things will- It's really like more of like a felt sense, you know, that we're currently, I believe in a chrysalis state where things are a little bit in disarray, a little bit chaotic, a little bit, you know, what is going on?

Lydia (01:02:00.11) What's in there, bring me there.

Lydia (01:02:11.148) how things feel.

Sophie (01:02:28.086) And then if we tap into the butterfly state, because again, if the analogy just, I believe it works because we make it work. So while we're in the crystals, it's like, and then we come out of it. How does that feel in your body? Not what it's going to look like because our brains are not, we're not fortune tellers.

Lydia (01:02:52.59) It is so hard for me to separate my brain. My brain is my body. Like, my body is very, very little to do with the way I live my life. So I'm, for you, am trying very hard. And what I feel is like the warmth in my heart, a warm center, as opposed to what often feels like something is literally physically missing, just in a state of like loneliness is a very, I know that's not a feeling.

An emptiness.

Sophie (01:03:24.258) You do this wrong. I'm not like you you you the things you separate

Lydia (01:03:28.43) I feel full where I feel empty, where I might normally feel empty.

Sophie (01:03:45.016) If this episode stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a little whisper on Instagram at fairyt.podcast or just write the words fairy wings in my DMs. That's how I'll know you were here.

Sophie (01:04:13.102) This was a 6-2 studio production. Find us at six-tw.studio for all your creative sound needs.