Mindful Support For Vulenerable People, with Monika Varela

Some conversations feel like a deep exhale. This one with psychologist and mindfulness instructor Monika Varela goes straight to the heart of calm: how to hold yourself when life is loud, messy, or frightening, and how small, reliable practices can restore choice when everything else feels out of your hands.

Monika shares her journey from corporate schedules and burnout to one-to-one therapeutic work and hospital-based mindfulness for oncology patients and carers. We unpack what “holding space” actually means—preparing yourself before sessions, meeting people without judgement, using body-based awareness and breath to let hard feelings exist long enough to soften. She explains why trust is built, not rushed, and how a safe container allows clients to say the things they have never voiced. Along the way we talk candidly about stigma, the myth that help is only for crisis, and the courage required to ask for support.

Cancer is a recurring thread, approached with compassion. We explore acceptance as a physical release, the power of naming the reality, and the harm of shame-heavy wellness messages that imply illness is a personal failure. For patients who cannot control much, even choosing to colour or watch the sun move across a window can restore dignity. Monika’s mantra is simple and hard-won: focus on what you can control today: breath, attention, boundaries, tiny rituals that hold under stress. One grounding breath won’t fix a diagnosis or a tantrum, but daily practice builds the capacity to choose your response when it matters.

We also connect mindfulness with organisation, showing how light structure reduces reactivity so you can respond with intention. Expect practical tools: micro-pauses, body scans, compassionate self-talk, and respectful ways to support loved ones who cope differently. If you’re ready to trade overwhelm for steadier habits and kinder inner dialogue, this conversation will meet you where you are.

Find Monika on Instagram @yourjoyfulbeing

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs calm today, and leave a quick review... your words help more people find support when they need it most.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Monika’s Background
• 2:10 From HR Burnout To Therapy Work
• 4:35 Holding Space And Mindful Methods
• 8:05 Finding The Right Helper
• 11:05 Stigma, Trauma, And Asking For Help
• 15:30 Cancer, Acceptance, And Language
• 19:30 Respecting Different Coping Styles
• 23:20 Harmful Wellness Narratives
• 26:00 Control What You Can Today
• 28:20 One Breath To Reclaim Choice

Transcript

Mel: 0:37

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in.

Mel: 1:00

Welcome back to another episode of Beyond Organised. I have the lovely Monika here with me today. So I'm gonna give you a bit of an introduction to who this lovely lady is. So Monika Varela is a Barcelona-based psychologist, mindfulness instructor, and English public speaking trainer. She first encountered meditation at eight and began a formal practice in 2005, sustaining a Zen path ever since. Sounds lovely. Monica helps people who are stretched in find their pace again. Calmer days, kinder self-talk, and steady habits that fit real life. Her style is warm, practical, and evidence-informed. Think breathwork, mindful routines, and clear boundaries you can keep. I do like the sound of that. Known for making mindfulness natural and accessible to any level, she has also collaborated for eight years with a public hospital in Barcelona, facilitating mindfulness for oncology patients and their carers. That is quite an introduction. Thank you so much for coming on, Monika. Lovely to have you. It's lovely to be here. Thank you for having me. You are so welcome. I just, I love that you go into these very stressful situations, especially in hospitals and that too. And your whole purpose is to just bring that calm and that peace and just something that is so probably desperately needed in this environment. So I would love to hear what inspired you to get into this field of work.

Monika: 2:42

It's a very interesting question. I always knew that I wanted to work with people. And ever since when I was 12, I worked in a kindergarten, you know, and I really enjoyed being with the adults, with the teachers, helping out in the kindergarten summer camps, because back then, like 30 years ago, this was allowed, you know, kids like a 12-year-old were able to go to a kindergarten. But I remember feeling so much peace and serving and being part of a community of the teachers that I just knew I wanted to work with people and I loved watching the kids grow. I loved connecting with the kids, watching them learn. I mean, and when I turned hit 18, I wanted to work in service for people, but I was really lost. And I took a gap year learning German. And then in that gap year, I decided that I would study psychology because I felt that with psychology, you understand the human mind, the emotions. And I would have the option of working as a therapist, which I currently do now. But also back then I was like, maybe I can also work in HR. And that's that means helping and collaborating with people. So that's why I chose that career path. And then I worked kind of in HR, managing an an English academy. But then about 10 years ago, I switched to working one-to-one with coaching clients. And now that I've started as a therapist as well, too.

Mel: 4:05

Wow. So what what made you decide to switch? Because you were clearly heading one direction. What made you sort of want to head a different direction? If that's not too complicated a question.

Monika: 4:18

It's no, I think, well, when I was in the corporate world managing English courses, academies, contracts, different companies, putting people schedules together, uh, international people, everything. It was quite I loved the connections and the interactions I had with the people, motivating them, being a team leader. But I really needed to slow down and I was missing the one-to-one conversations that I used to have. Yes, after experiencing burnout back in 2016, I think, I decided to make a shift and go into coaching and now therapy or mindfulness-based therapy, however you want to call it. I think of myself as someone who offers emotional support to people. Yeah. Yes. And in the you haven't asked me this, but I do see myself later on working with people and their grief processes. And that's why I go to the hospital to offer mindfulness sessions to oncology patients and their family members. It's something that really grounds me. And people are so grateful to you when you're there with them. It's it's beautiful, despite them having difficult moments. Yeah. Yeah.

Mel: 5:33

That's a precious gift that you're giving someone that is really fulfilling, I'm sure. And I can totally relate to your story as well with leaving the corporate world. I am still in the corporate world. So I still have a nine to five job whilst I am balancing this whole growing business and a lot more clients and everything like that. So my hands are very full, and I'm hoping to step back a little bit in the new year, which is exciting. But I get it. I get it. I've been leading teams, I've been doing so much. I've worked in insurance for so long and then banking, and I have done a great job. And I love what I do there. But it's just, I have found my calling with this business and doing this and this just every person I help just makes me feel like I'm achieving more and more of my purpose. And I'm sure that is the same thing for you too, that you just can't quite put a price on living out almost like your calling or what you feel called to you. Um, because you're the kind of person that I feel looking at you through social media and all of that, you're the kind of person I feel is quite a high achiever, and you could do great at anything that you put your mind to. But this is what is satisfying, and it's really exciting to hear your journey and see that. So you've given a little bit of a breakdown on who you help, but how do you help these people?

Monika: 7:11

Well, first of all, I I give them space to just feel their emotions. When they come to me, whether it's online or in person, I feel I've always done a bit of meditation beforehand. So I'm I've like cleared myself out of my own issues because I'm like I'm a mom, I have I'm a mom of two, I'm married, my kids go to school. We have like so many things going on in life, you know. But I I make sure to free myself from what's going on inside me or to hold space. I just be free myself doesn't mean to ignore them, but to hold space for myself, then I'm aware that someone else is in front of me and I give space to them, my full presence. And when you give your full presence to someone, you just see the other person as if they take up more space and expand. And we give uh permission for those emotions that can't flourish during the day, during their busy lives, you know, to just express themselves in a session. We talk about them. Sometimes the mind is intervening, you know, so we just really do body work in which we we feel the body where the emotion is in the body, and we we let it just sit there and we breathe it out together as well. Sometimes with mirroring exercises, or maybe I'll even put my hand, place my hand on top of the person and just let them feel the emotion in their body. And through breathing practices, we just let go of that. That's kind of the emotional breathing part, but then there's also the talking part of giving a different perspective. My um the space with me is no judgment, and I'm incredibly open-minded. So I offer deep, deep and profound acceptance to whatever clients will tell me. And maybe this doesn't happen in the very first session. You know, it's true that we we need some space and more sessions. Yeah, to build the trust and the the container, you know. But um, but people, well, they say they they feel very confident in working with me or in a safe space, you know. That's the feedback I always give. And they say, Oh, I feel I can tell you anything. I I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. And I I feel that's great, that we don't have that many spaces in our society, you know, to just go and talk to someone.

Mel: 9:28

Yeah, or the right people. Like there's plenty of coaches, there's plenty of psychologists and therapists and all that out there. But when you find one that you know is genuine, that you know that they actually care about you, they're not just saying all the words. You feel it, you know that they care. It's priceless. Yeah. Like you can't actually put an amount to that kind of experience and that feeling. And I've even gone through a few psychologists over the years, um, through abuse and stuff that I've walked through and all of that. And I could always tell pretty quick, pretty early on, generally the first session or two, this person's not right for me. And then I found one lady that I saw for years because that's she just got it and connected. And I'm sure it's the same with with the people that you're helping, whether it's in the oncology department or whether you're coaching online or or whoever it is you're serving, they're gonna sense and know that you genuinely care. So, and that's definitely the feeling that I get from you without you even having to say it. So I think it's great. So, in your professional opinion, what do you think is the main thing that holds people back from perhaps seeking this help or or getting guidance around the mindfulness and the calm and all the things that you teach and help with?

Monika: 11:06

Yes, I feel people think that they can do everything on their own. And they grow up, at least I grew up in a society where people thought that going to therapy, getting a coach, or doing a self-development program, that you had to be depressed or incredibly sad. And they really had issues. They associated to trauma in your life, like a big trauma, you know. And then maybe it's better if no one knows that you're going through hard times when in reality um we grew up. Everyone goes through them. Yesterday or this week I was seeing um a reel, you know, but by this, by a woman whose book I'm reading, like she's a neuroscientist. She was saying that 70% of people will go through trauma, traumatic experiences in their lives, and only about 5% of them will go and ask for help. So there's a huge gap, you know, and people have resistance to it. We still think that that looking for help or asking for help is is a sign of weakness instead of a sign of strength, you know.

Mel: 12:10

Yeah.

Monika: 12:10

Because I am for sure a better person thanks to all the help I received. I started going to therapy when I was 15. Same.

Mel: 12:18

And it really helped me. Yes, you too. I completely concur. I I I would not be sitting here talking to you even now, running this podcast, having this life, having four kids. I mean, the sexual abuse and stuff that I walked through, I never even wanted to have a family. Like, yeah, and and to go through probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life, but the most freeing and healing. I mean, I wouldn't have the life I I love. I wouldn't have the children I love. I wouldn't have I probably wouldn't even have the husband I love because I wouldn't have allowed someone to love me. You know, it's just my life, I know would be drastically different if I hadn't got the help. And it was, as I said, the most uncomfortable and painful experience at the time. But it was that that pain I knew I needed to walk through to get to the other side. And I knew I could get to the other side. Yeah. I just have to get there. And and I'm sure from what you're seeing from your side of it, you are seeing all the hurt and the pain and the roadblocks and all the the trauma, all the I mean, even the people going through the cancer, that's a huge thing. And so many people are going through it these days that it's almost like I feel society is making it seem like having cancer is now just a normal thing. And it's a it's very traumatic and it's very full-on. And people should feel safe to be able to talk to someone about it, and what you're going like what you're providing is invaluable, really.

Monika: 14:03

You know, yes, it is true that yeah, people are seeing it as a normal thing, and I'm not sure that that's bad in the sense that we need to at least be able to talk about cancer. I had a client who didn't even want to say the word. She would say, No, no, no, I don't want to say the word, you know? And and we work through that. If a person doesn't want to say the word or they don't want to talk about it, okay, maybe you don't have to. I mean, I won't make them. But sometimes just talk calling things by the way they're they're called, instead of saying the C word, just saying, Yes, I have a cancer, it just gives it space. And you can now, thanks to science, a lot of people can co-live with their cancer, you know, and it's okay. But of course, it's it's a pity, but it is kind of more usual, maybe not normal, but usual that we're seeing more people with it.

Mel: 14:51

I think that's also where it would be valuable in what you provide. Yeah, that it doesn't matter if you're someone that can't even say the word, or you're fully accepting of the situation and you just want to process and move through. Yeah. Like having someone to process it with that can help with this, you would be a great person to help with the processing, no matter what side of the spectrum you're on when it comes to dealing with it.

Monika: 15:25

Yes, because everything starts with acceptance first, and that that's hard, you know, to to accept the diagnosis. It's it's it's really it's difficult for the people, for the person I work, for the people I work with, for the families as well.

Mel: 15:40

Yeah.

Monika: 15:40

And once you accept it, there's I see that there's like a release in the body. If it's a tumor, for example, it's it's a part of you too. You are also that tumor. And when you start seeing it as the enemy, I think that there is a bit of release. And the tumor sometimes, if we're talking talking about a tumor, it comes to give you a message. And we can even in therapy, we can also talk to it and listen to it and just get ideas of what message we're getting from this visitor that is also a part of us. And I just like to say something, I don't uh that sometimes people feel guilty for having cancer, or they start thinking, oh, why did this happen to me? You know, I didn't deserve it. I was so healthy. And it's true, you know, but the way I see it is that your suffering is my suffering too, you know. So whatever is happening to you, it's also happening to me. So even though it hurts that you have cancer, you know, it's also my cancer. And this in a way brings me together with the client, but also with society in general. And it's the only way I can understand why cancer is becoming so normal or why children or or babies, you know, are sometimes born with cancer. They haven't done anything. Nobody deserves it.

Mel: 16:50

No, nobody deserves it. It's not anything that, well, from my beliefs, I don't believe it's anything that you have done necessarily. It's caused it. Now, sometimes you smoke a lot and you might get lung cancer. Sometimes there are some form of consequences to things, but even then you can't necessarily say that's the direct thing. It's sometimes things just happen. And for most people, there is no common link that they can find. It's just what genetics or whatever. And it it can be quite an obstacle for a lot of people when um they feel like they've done something that's caused this, they've done something to deserve this, that they've failed in some way. And it's I've been seeing it a lot with my own father at the moment going through cancer and all the processes, and I think he's still in a bit of the denial phase. It's been a few months, but it's and and you know, it's quite a process, and he's doing really well. He he is doing really well, had surgery a couple weeks ago, and he was told he'll probably be in for about four weeks. They released him a week later because he was doing so well. So, you know, but he also refuses to believe he's got it or whatever. It's just like, no, I'm good, I'm healthy, I'm just gonna fight this, just move on.

Monika: 18:15

So and what what where is his cancer? It was the appendix. Appendix.

Mel: 18:22

It's very rare. And it's removed and everything, but um, yeah, it left a massive mass the size of a like a rock melon inside of his stomach. And uh yeah, he had that all removed a few months ago, and then he just had the full cancer surgery, cleaning everything out, removing more that they found, and all of that recently. So they had to cut him all the way down the abdomen, like very big. But he's just a fighter, and he refuses to accept that he's even got it really. It's just like, okay, just do what we've got to do, treat it. Yep, let's get back on. Cause I want to get back on my 10k runs and push-ups and stuff. I mean, he's he's not a young man, but he's certainly more fit than I am. So look, everyone goes into it with a different mindset though, hey?

Monika: 19:16

Um yes, and no, and here we like if I can offer just any piece of advice, it's about respecting his whatever he decides, you know. You can offer the space, you can be there for him. Yeah. Um you always feel, well, not I can't say always, but people feel like it's never enough. And maybe you can never do enough, you know, but but just accepting and be and holding space for whatever it is that he's needing. And I'm just saying, asking, well, asking you this because my mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with cancer as well. And and it's it's the journey is just starting with us. She's been operated as well, and she has the whole cut all the way to the stomach. And and she's also in a bit of denial phase, you know. But we have to just be there for her and and see how it goes without if she I know that if in the moments when she starts complaining, we just have to listen to her and then offer her like glimpses of our own um views of life, you know. Yeah, hope. Offer hope. Yeah, no, hope, hope, or just different ways of doing it. Oh, maybe I would do it like this, you know? So there are different ways in which you can communicate with the people.

Mel: 20:21

Yeah, maybe we'll try that. And yeah, and I think even with my dad, it's like, okay, yep, it's happening. Let's deal with it, let's move on. And I know not everyone gets that opportunity to even move on, but it's yeah, you just take it one day at a time and do what you can.

Monika: 20:38

It's really nice. It's really nice right now that you're saying that you're acknowledging the fact that not everyone gets that opportunity. I um I really appreciate it because recently two weeks ago, I was in a breath work exercise, um, not conference, like a course or show. I don't know what you want to call it. It was there were 600 people in a in a mall, and we had all paid to see these breathwork teachers. And I went because well, a mom friend invited me and I thought it'd be really nice. And they had these really cool headphones, and they had they guided the meditations with music, headphones, the audio. It was impressive. It was really beautiful. And 600 people were in a in a were in an auditorium and it was really cool. Wearing headphones. Yes, like this. Oh however, however, I I left live leaving with mixed feelings, and I don't want to criticize the work of these experts, you know, in breath work as well. But they their argument all the time was was about how if you don't do the breath work, you're gonna get sick, you're gonna get cancer. So I didn't like this, you know. And that's not the right kind of language in my mind. This is what I heard. Okay, I would have to watch the replay, you know, as well. But they what what was I what what what I was missing was the holding space or acknowledging that some people don't have a second chance. Yeah, you know, or acknowledging the the kids who come to this world with already with already having cancer, you know? Yeah. Yes. So some people just and it's not because they didn't do the breath work, but yeah, but and now in this in social media, there's also this discourse of if you don't do the self-care, this is gonna happen to you. And I don't want anyone to feel that anything's gonna happen to you.

Mel: 22:19

It's such a negative perspective. It doesn't bring life, it doesn't speak life into people either. And I think, again, not everyone is going to survive cancer. Not everyone is going to survive whatever the traumatic situation is they've gone through or whatever. But if you're still here, there's hope. And we want to focus on today and what we can do today and be moving forward and working towards a future and having hope for a future, but also acknowledging that today is precious. Let's just appreciate today. And that's my thoughts and that's my opinions. And I'm not saying I'm not an expert at all in this, like this is your domain more than anything. But I just feel like if we can maintain a positive outlook and what we can do, what we can control, because so much would be out of your control, so much of it's out of your control. But what can I control? And a big part of it is our mind, and that's what you're doing. I think like I've said about 10 times already, what you're doing is invaluable, it's priceless. Because if someone can regain a level of control to a situation they didn't ask for, then even if it's just their mindset and their perspective, that is already worth just so much more because all of a sudden you're living again. You're not just surviving.

Monika: 23:55

Yes, I really like it. Like I like how you frame it, yes. And you've said it really well about just giving people, yes, control to choose what they can control as well, or to act over what they can control, you know. Um, for example, in the hospital, sometimes people can't move. And we take them maybe a mandala for them to color because that if they have the energy, you know, like it depends how sick they are. They they can look, they can color, you know, or if you just sit them, well, or put them on a bed where they can see the nature, they can't control, like, oh look, I'm looking at the sun, how it's moving through the day, or what they're taking in. And these are small things. Yeah. That gives them hope and connects them to the moment.

Mel: 24:40

And it's so, I think, probably even undervalued for someone that's not in their shoes, that doesn't necessarily understand how even, yeah, just being able to look out the window and just I'm choosing to focus on this thing and that thing, and they're that might be all the control they've got, but that's still better than nothing, right? It's better than not waking up. Look, it's probably a very heavy conversation, what we've been having. And I had no idea which direction it would go, but I can appreciate that there will be people listening to this who are walking through it one way or another, whether they've got cancer themselves, whether they've got family members with cancer. And I know that's not even your main thing. Like you don't just work in the oncology department, no help with mindfulness and that as a whole. So I don't want people to think that this episode is not relevant to them if they're not walking through it personally either. Um, because what you do is so much more. And given your profession as a whole, what is one thing that you wish more women knew?

Monika: 25:56

The meaning they give to experience is what defines their experience. So they are in control of how they react. Yeah. And the now I feel like I'm telling the women off sometimes because I know that sometimes you're not in control. You're a little kid, he's gonna start putting a tantrum and you're just gonna end up shouting. So I don't know. But if you're able, when you see that tantrum from your kids, you know, and you're able to take a deep breath and just not overreact over something small that a tiny human being is doing, you know, and just that one deep breath. So that if women knew that with one breath, they can regain control of the situation. That's what I would want them to know. That they can regain control of any situation when with one deep grounding breath. Wow. And I just like to say that it's not like that one deep grounding breath. It's like the fact that you practice mindfulness throughout your day in different moments of the day, that then you have the capacity. You prepare, you're prepare for that moment. It's not like, oh yes, now when I get angry, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna breathe. No, it all knows at that moment. Yes. But if we if we if we do practice self-care with mindfulness, we will have the tools to react, to act in a grounded way in those difficult moments. And that's what I want to help women with. And we we need a sel a safe space just so where we can talk about everything that's going on, put it in little compartments, and just have more order in our mind and our emotions and our body.

Mel: 27:31

I love that. That actually ties in very much with what I do as well, in like getting organized, in helping with the different areas of your life, whether it's your time, your home, your business, whatever it is, helping get organized. So then when life throws those things at you that are out of your control, like the tantrums from a toddler, that everything else in your life that you could control is in order to a degree. There's a balance. So then when life throws things at you that inevitably are gonna happen, generally on a daily basis, something will happen, then you can approach it in a way where you're not reacting to the situation. Exactly. You're being prospond in how you respond. And so it's very much aligned with what you're saying from your perspective on things. And I think I love it. I love it. I agree because I do the same sort of thing I do. So I think it's great. So we could probably talk forever, and we have talked for a bit, and I loved the conversation. So thank you so much. But for everyone who's listening that goes, I need to connect with this woman, where can they find you?

Monika: 28:51

Thank you so much. At the moment, in English, you can find me under the Instagram um profile name called Your Joyful Being. Your Joyful Being. I used to post mainly about motherhood, but now I'm posting about general wellness tips that everyone, whether you're a mom, a businessman, or an oncology patient, you know, will benefit from. And you can contact me there. There's a link to my to my website where we can you can book a session with me.

Mel: 29:20

Lovely. Well, I'll make sure all the information is in the description there to make it nice and easy for everyone listening. But thank you so much for taking time out of your day to share with everyone today. I really, really enjoyed it.

Monika: 29:36

Thank you, Mel. I really enjoyed our conversation too. Thank you.

Mel: 29:40

If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life of beyond it. See you next time.