A Life Transition Game Plan with Toni Thrash

Life can flip in a moment, and the hardest part is realising you’re still here while everything familiar has changed. We’re joined by certified life coach and author Toni Thrash, who shares the raw reality of walking through divorce after 25 years of marriage and becoming an empty nester at the same time. We talk about the grief, the loneliness, and the internal doubts that can hit women in midlife, especially when faith and identity feel shaken. 

Toni brings a powerful coaching perspective shaped by years on the basketball court, turning life transitions into a clear, usable framework. We unpack her three stages of change: shock (the foggy, can’t-think-straight season), limbo (being “on the bench” and not sure what’s next), and re-entry (stepping back into purpose with intention). Along the way we get practical about journalling, noticing the thoughts that aren’t true, and finding the trusted people who can hold you up when you feel stuck. 

We also go straight at two of the biggest blockers for women: doubt and fear. Toni explains how doubt can actually build resilience over time, while fear needs to be treated like an opponent you refuse to let win. Her story of planning a 20 day solo camping trip with no phone service is a reminder that courage often looks like doing the thing while your whole body is shouting “don’t”. 

If you’re navigating divorce recovery, an empty nest, retirement, a job change, or any season where you feel benched by life, this one will give you language, hope, and a next step. 

Follow Toni on Instagram @tonithrash

Subscribe for more conversations like this, share it with a friend who needs a comeback, and leave a review so more women can find the support they’ve been missing.

Transcript

Meet Toni And Her Mission

Mel 1:03

Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in. I have Toni Thrash to this day. And she is the three combat startup. This is really exciting to see this one. So she's a certified life coach, the founder of Toni Thrash Coaching, and she knows firsthand the emotional and spiritual challenges women face walking through life transitions. Toni helps overwhelmed women get off the bench and back into the game with a clear and compelling game plan, strategic priorities, and the support they need to build the life God has next. I absolutely love all of that.

Toni 1:35

Welcome to the show, Toni. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here today. Thanks for having me.

Mel 1:42

You're so welcome. I love that your main focus is on life transitions, because I think we all know there are certain key moments in life where the transition can sometimes be a little rough. So I'd love to know what got you inspired into going down this avenue and writing a book and that as well.

Toni 2:06

Well, I was married for 25 years. And in 2014, I ended up getting divorced, which was not how I envisioned my life as a Christian, right? Is like I that was never an option until it uh presented itself. And I did everything that I knew to do to keep that marriage from disintegrating because I was like, this is not what I want for our children. And so he he has a mental illness and he just didn't take care of himself. And so when I walked through that divorce, it was the most traumatic thing that I think I've ever walked through. But not only that, because I'm the one who left, then so I became divorced and an empty nester all at one time. And I don't really wish that on anyone because it was let me just say, without Jesus, I would not be here to Jesus and my therapist. Let me say that I would not be where I am today because I've never lived alone because I was married for you know half my life at that time. I would I was 50 and it just was devastating and it was so hard to deal with being alone. It's like I don't have an issue with being alone, but boy, that loneliness thing will get you every time, right? And so after walking through that and having friends who walk through it, and now other people that I see walking through it, I just knew that there was a reason why. And there's a story I can tell you later, but I just knew that God wasn't gonna waste what I learned through this whole process. And so that I'm a big journaler anyway. I love to journal. And then I started writing a uh a blog, uh, just talking about what God was teaching me. Every single week I'd be like, oh my gosh, like, you know, and uh and so then that led to that led to uh starting a podcast, and then that it the podcast is the same name, start your comeback as my book. And so it just kind of snowballed into that. And uh the book just came out May the 12th, so we've got a hot off the press uh copy of it. But it's just intended to encourage women who, you know, maybe they've lost their spouse or maybe they're retiring and they don't know what's next. Maybe maybe they're just making a job change, but whatever it is, there's a lot of the same emotion and feeling, maybe not as intense as walking through divorce, but it's still the same. So that was that was uh that was a big defining moment in my life for sure.

Mel 5:17

Definitely,

Divorce And Empty Nest At Once

Mel 5:18

and it's kind of sad, I guess is probably the word, but there's a real growing demographic of women that are getting to that emptiness stage. I would say 50, 60 plus finding themselves uh single and alone again. And it's such a growing demographic, unfortunately. I mean, sometimes fortunately, but it's more that also covers a whole lot of complications like financial struggles and and that too. And because a lot of the women say in your age group weren't working, so you didn't have all the extra retirement funds and everything saved up ready to go. How did you navigate the financial side of things, if you don't mind me asking?

Money Stress And Starting Over

Toni 6:12

No, uh that's a great question. Um, not well. Um, because I I was teaching, but I don't know if you're familiar, and I'm not bashing the United States healthcare system, but healthcare is very expensive. So, like all but a hundred dollars of my paycheck covered our entire family in insurance. So it was either I either had to draw our insurance, which I did. So then I lived I and I honestly I lived with uh some friends for a little bit of time. But then once we the divorce was finalized because we'd been married so long, he gave me a monthly stipend for like two years. And so that was a big help. Um otherwise, and it's just been a slow, it's just been a slow crawl out of that because it was, you know, my children are grown. They're 35 and 31 now, and I tell them this was what I was making an hour, and they were like, We don't know how you did it. I said, Well, I didn't I didn't do a lot. I, you know, I I couldn't because it it was just that tight. But but I mean, but God is but but God is so good and so faithful, and you just you learn to you learn to budget and you learn to like navigate and pray above all things that your car doesn't break down or you don't have a medical emergency because you don't have you know what I mean? So and and God was very gracious to me during that period because you know, maybe my car battery died or something, but it wasn't anything major. So I was super grateful for walking me through all that.

Mel 8:00

Wow, yeah. I I really feel for women in particular that have gone through that just like you have, because it's you think your life is gonna go one way, and then all of a sudden it does a full 180 and it's scary. So I would love to hear a little bit more about your book and what's in your book, what got you excited about it, and yeah, congratulations on the release as

Three Stages Of A Comeback

Mel 8:26

well.

Toni 8:26

Yeah, I appreciate that. Well, for 25 years I've been a coach, okay? Not not a live coach, but like a basketball coach and a tennis coach. And so having having that experience of coaching athletes and coaching teenagers, for lack of a better word, right? You're not gonna win every time, but how are we gonna lose? But what transpired through all of that was because I built such a relationship, not just as their coach, but just as someone they could trust more than anything. I to I teach at a I teach at a private Christian school. So um we're allowed to talk, we're allowed to pray, and and it started one year. I had a girl who was a junior and she struggled with depression, and she said, I'd like to meet you for coffee. And I said, Sure. I'd like I'd never met anyone for coffee. And she goes, I just want to tell you, I struggle with depression. And I needed you to know that because here some days I might not perform very well, or that there may be something wrong that you notice. I'm just letting you know. And the first thing I said was, Do your parents know? She goes, Oh, yes, ma'am. My parents know, my my my some of my family members struggle with it, but I needed you to know as my coach that some days I may just not be on. And what that taught me, what sports teaches you, is a direct correlation to to life, right? A direct correlation. And so I have a friend who we first started meeting, we met in a writing group like five or six years ago. And every time we would have a conversation about anything, I mean, I would just like when I talk sports, like I just I'm like jazzed. Like I get so pumped up about it. And so everything relatable to life transitions is the same as on a basketball court or a tennis court. So we need to time out, right? We need to we need to pause and we need to regroup and we need to we need to be quiet and let listen to what our thoughts are telling us because about 90% of them, they're not true. And the enemy loves to come in and say, like he did me, and say, I God can't use you anymore because now you're divorced. And that was so devastating to me because I just wanted to serve. You know what I mean? And so the book is there are three stages uh for any life transition. The first one is shock, right? It's either, okay, I've been planning for my kid to my last child to graduate, I'm gonna be an empty nester come August. I've been planning it, but now it's a reality. And so that there's a little bit of a shock that factor there, right? And so you kind of have to work your way through the fogginess and the and the just not being able to think clearly and not being able to make any good decisions, right? Or it could it could be it the shock could be something that someone did to you, like you not that you planned it, it just it just happened, right? And so that shock is a lot bigger. And so having to work through that and that is part of the first part of it is just learning to be quiet and to listen to your thoughts and to journal some questions down and what are what are the bad things that you're seeing in your life right now, or the things that you don't like, but then also what are the things you're grateful for? And just trying to bring that fogginess back into a level playing field. And then the second one is limbo. I call that being on the bench. Like when you're on the bench, you're not doing anything, right? That you're just you're just stuck there. Yeah. Uh maybe, maybe you have too many fouls in a basketball game, or maybe some maybe somebody put you on there. You were doing fine, your coach put you there and said, We're we're doing something different, whatever. But somebody's put you on the bench.

Mel 12:56

You're part of the game, but you're not in the game.

Toni 12:59

Exactly. And so you're there and you don't you don't know what to do or where to go. And that whole process, limbo, you can be on the bench for a long time. And that part, that part I hate. Like I don't, I never, as an athlete, never enjoyed being on the bench. I was like, I want to end the game, right? Want to get out. Right. But the but the limbo part I attribute it close to the wilderness. Um, pretty much like the Israelites, if you will, you know, David hiding out in the in the caves and the mountains. Uh, because that's the that's the period where that's where the most growth happens, right? That's where you're learning, you're seeing things from a different perspective. You have different voices speaking into your life, trusted voices, not just anyone, by the way. And then finally, maybe you know, the the third part of it is re-entry or getting back into the game, getting off the bench and getting back into a life. Because here's what I know. Please hear me say this. God's not finished with you yet. Like, there's still a purpose. Amen. You're whatever you were born with, whatever your purpose was, is, doesn't change with your circumstances. And that took me, I'm gonna be honest, probably about three or four years to fully understand that God wasn't, he wasn't. Wow. I'm sure he was disappointed, but he didn't change my purpose. It was still to minister to people. It was still to, it was still to coach young adults into you know what they wanted to do for the rest of their life. It was still loving on them and giving them a a family away from their family. It was still parenting my children. The purpose never changed, the circumstances did, but we get so blindsided by it. And so that when I started the podcast, that's we started with the we started with those three pillars, shock limbo, and re-entry. And then I just I talk about, you know, everything about how you can't do this alone. It was interesting. I had two conversations last week about with two different people, one I participated in and one I watched. And one was the one I watched was just a video from a a friend in Minnesota, and she was like, You can't do this alone. Like you can't do you can't do the creative thing alone. You have to have those people around you. And I was like, that's so true. Meanwhile, I had a completely different podcast episode ready to go for the next day. And that afternoon, another friend texted and said, Hey, I know it's last minute, but can you meet for dinner? I was like, Yeah. Same place that we always go. And she's like, Yeah. And so in the middle of that, she's in a ministry that ministers to teenage women who are pregnant and are aging out of the foster care system and trying to give them a place and some life skills. And she goes, Tony, you can't they you can't do this alone. I was like, No, Kathy, you can't. Like, this is this is how God created us. It's beginning to Yeah, it's in community. And so I literally went home after that dinner, rewrote the podcast episode because it's like you can't do any of this alone. That's why God created us to have community. And so all of that is you know, is in the book. It's uh there's a lot of basketball analogies because that's just what gets me going. And I that's why the that's why the cover looks like a basketball court, X's and O's, because that's my that's my like if you I can talk X's and O's forever. And so it just it translates beautifully to to life and and women's transitions in particular. I know men go through them, but I'm not called the men, I'm called the women. So here we are.

Mel 17:07

You called the women, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful. And it's it's very humbling and it's very vulnerable sharing your story and your experiences and then putting it into a book, let alone doing a podcast and everything else and getting yourself out there. What would you say from your many years of experience, either coaching on the court or just life coaching, what would you say the main thing is that holds women back from being able to move forward?

Doubt And Fear As Opponents

Toni 17:41

Well, that's so easy. I think there are two things doubt, number one, and I I love doubt to a degree. And let me tell you why I love doubt, because there's so many examples in the Bible of doubt, right? Like we see it all through from the beginning, Genesis all the way to the end. But here's what I love about doubt is like when we doubt ourselves and God comes through and shows us that we can do it and and we're and we're doing the thing that we're doing, it builds this resilience in us that then the next time we doubt, maybe we're not doubting for as long because we've got this resilience that we've built up, this doubt resilience, because he's proven to us that we can do it. So that's the that's the first one. And then the second one is fear. Uh, fear is uh, I hate fear. I'm a very fearful person. That's just how God made me. I think through every circumstance and try to figure a way out. Yes, every one of them. And and what and so I'll tell you what I did. So uh fear is an opponent, and that's how I look at fear in my book. It fear is an opponent, and today, fear is not gonna win, it's going to be the losing opponent today, and sometimes we have to do we have to do it afraid. We have to do something afraid. Uh back in 22, I love to camp, I love to hike. Nobody, none of my friends enjoy it, none of my neither one of my children enjoy it. And so I planned a uh 20-day camping trip from Texas. I went up to Colorado, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, and back home. And I went by myself. And I had zero service except for when I was in my yeah, and I did it because I was like, I want to do it. No one else is wants to do it. I'm scared to death, but I'm gonna do it anyway. And I and I did it, and I was so I was so excited to be able to say, hey, that scared me to death, but I camped in the wilderness with no one around me. You know, I hiked up these hills and these mountains and these cliffs and the Grand Canyon and all the things. And it was it it was just one of those things that was like, yeah, these two weeks, fear you're not gonna win. And and so doubt and fear are the two biggest things, but with I mean, you know, the scripture says with God everything is possible, and we have to remember that because we're not relying on our own strength. We can't. So anyway, yeah.

Mel 20:39

I love that, and I love that yeah, just fight the fear, you faced it head on anyway, and I just think that's great because I think that's what sets people back from those that succeed and those that just keep going along the same path, and those that are willing to step outside of their comfort zone, face the fear, do it anyway, despite all the the noise going on. So put on you.

Toni 21:10

Well, thank you. It's just it's just something that you know it screams at you the whole time you're doing it, but you're like, no, I'm already here doing it. So like here we are, you know what I mean?

Mel 21:21

So But you did it. You did it, like that's incredible. I I couldn't even imagine doing it in this season of my life, let alone down the track.

Toni 21:34

Yeah, I was oh my gosh, I was 59 when I did it, and I just loaded up my car and took off. Good, aren't you?

Mel 21:43

Wow, I could imagine my dad doing something like that. He he would very much love to do something like that. Oh goodness.

Never Give Up And Next Steps

Mel 21:52

So what's one thing that you would love the women listening to know? Something that's like a real helpful to you.

Toni 22:02

Here's the thing. And then it's it's very basic and very simple. But it's extremely difficult to do. It's never give up. Like as long as you are breathing air. We we have a saying in the athletic world which I talk about all the time there's still time on the clock. And until that clock says zero zero zero I've got time. And I'm not gonna give up doing what I feel like God's called me to do. It and it it we may be down to ten seconds but I'm gonna go for it, right? And I've seen too I've seen too many too many sporting football games, basketball games, tennis matches go you think there's no way they're gonna win, but they don't give up and there's still because that clock still has time on it. There's still a chance and that we we still have that one. Yes yeah and and it gives us the opportunity to just go for it because I don't think Jesus gave up why should we give up like you have a purpose and you and here's the thing you may not know what your purpose is or you kind of think you do but that's where you need to you need to have conversations with the people around you and say hey what do you see in me? Maybe you need a life coach. Maybe you need someone to say hey have you ever thought about doing this don't give up go do that thing.

Mel 23:41

So that would be the one thing don't give up and I feel like that sums up so many things just in that saying alone I mean you can't fail unless you actually quit like then it's then it's counted potentially as a failure. And even then I still don't even believe failure is just failure. That's just another thing to learn and grow from to be a stepping stone for the next thing. So when you don't give up then you're not failing you know and I think to put it in like really basic layman's terms, you know, you're not failing. And that's what holds a lot of people back is the fear of failure. And as long as you keep moving forward and you keep learning and growing even if you've started and stopped a million times you keep moving and you don't give up then you're still making something of your life preach that right there preach that because let me tell you yes 100% yes well said well said yeah thank you so there's so much to to talk about and everything but time is always too short on on this thing yeah so I would love to be able to direct everyone to your book and to where they can reach out and follow you and be in touch with you.

Toni 25:08

Where's the best place to find you there are there are two places that I'm pretty active on and that's Instagram it's at Tony Thrash. It's pretty simple easy to find my website is tony thrash.com that's pretty easy to find it's just my name you can my book is available on Amazon and so you can just go to Amazon and the title you can type in my name Tony Thrash or you can type in the book start your comeback and it will be there and and you can order it there. And I I listen easy I wrote the book as a ministry to help women and that's what I want um I that's that's the key you can get it in an ebook or a paperback either one.

Mel 25:54

Perfect I think that would be an amazing asset for any woman to have that is really going through life transition. So definitely get on it everyone so thank you. Thank you so much Tony for joining and for sharing your story and your your why behind a lot of what you're doing. So thank you so much.

Toni 26:17

Mel my goodness I have enjoyed this conversation so much and we need to have future conversations. So thanks again for for having me I appreciate it.

Mel 26:27

I think so too definitely definitely gonna have more to come

Toni 26:32

like that yes ma'am I love that thank you

Mel 26:36

Thank you. If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it. See you next time.