People Pleasing, Boundaries & Choosing Yourself This Holiday Season | Aligned & Abundant Ep. 34

What if saying no didn’t make you selfish — but more peaceful, present, and authentic?
In this heartfelt conversation, hosts Kelly Tibbitts and Shabana Knight are joined by Intuitive Teacher Christine Marcario to explore people pleasing, boundaries, emotional labor, and how to care for yourself without guilt — especially during the holidays.

This episode is a powerful reminder that rest, simplicity, and self-trust are not luxuries — they’re necessities.

🎧 Episode Highlights

In this candid and compassionate discussion, we explore:

• Why people pleasing often leads to burnout, resentment, and exhaustion
• How authenticity can feel uncomfortable — but deeply freeing
• The difference between being kind and overgiving at your own expense
• How to set loving boundaries with family during the holidays
• Letting go of guilt around rest, naps, baths, and saying no
• Emotional labor expectations placed on women — and how to release them
• Simplifying holiday traditions without shame
• Rethinking gift-giving, perfection, and “doing it all”
• Tools for nervous system regulation, hydration, rest, and self-care
• How boundaries actually make relationships healthier
• Abundance mindset, manifestation, and “placing the order” from alignment
• Angel numbers, divine support, and trusting you’re on the right path

This conversation is especially supportive for moms, caregivers, and anyone navigating family expectations, overwhelm, or people-pleasing patterns.

✨ Memorable Takeaways

• You can be a good person without doing everything
• Rest is not something you earn — it’s something you need
• Boundaries are decisions made in advance
• Simpler holidays can be more meaningful
• Saying no doesn’t make you unloving — it makes you honest
• Feeling good is part of alignment and manifestation
• You’re allowed to want more ease, joy, and abundance

👥 Meet the Guests

Kelly Tibbitts
Host of Live A Vibrant Life Podcast
Kelly supports people in aligning their energy and understanding themselves through coaching, Enneagram, and Human Design.
Website: www.kellytibbitts.com

Shabana Knight
Host of Organized Chaos Stories with Shabana
Shabana helps overwhelmed moms declutter their homes and nervous systems to create more peace.
Instagram: @shabana.knight

🌿 Final Reflection

This episode offers gentle permission to slow down, choose yourself, and redefine what the holidays — and life — get to feel like.
You don’t need to be everything for everyone.
You are worthy of rest, peace, authenticity, and abundance — exactly as you are.

If this conversation resonated, consider sharing it with someone who needs permission to breathe a little easier this season.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction & Host Welcome
• 3:03 The Journey from People Pleasing to Authenticity
• 4:23 Learning to Set Boundaries & Take Care of Yourself
• 6:12 Self-Care Practices: Rest, Hydration & Choosing Yourself
• 8:02 The Power of Music & Boundaries During Family Time
• 10:38 Setting Holiday Boundaries with Family
• 12:45 Creating New Holiday Traditions & Simplifying Celebrations
• 15:24 Emotional Labor, Expectations & Holiday Exhaustion
• 17:10 Rethinking Gift-Giving & Sending Love Instead
• 19:30 Letting Go of Perfection & Being a Good Person
• 21:29 Kelly's Tips: Making the Holidays Easier
• 22:35 Christine's Tips: Sharing the Load & Having Fun
• 24:57 Shabana's Tips: Practical Gift Ideas & Buying for Yourself
• 27:18 Abundance Mindset & Feeling Good
• 30:33 Angel Numbers & Feeling Divinely Supported
• 32:57 How to Connect & Closing Thoughts

Transcript

[00:00:00]
Speaker: Welcome to Aligned and Abundant. The podcast where authenticity meets practicality, and where compassion, alignment, and abundance come together. I'm your host, Christine Marcario, here to help you slow down, become more mindful, and elevate your mental and emotional wellbeing so you can live life on your highest timeline.
Before we dive in, I wanna share a little slice of joy for my own life. This weekend we had our first snow here in New Jersey, and it was absolutely beautiful to see. As I watched the snowfall, I found myself envisioning the smell of homemade [00:01:00] cookies, and as if by magic, a friendly neighbor surprised me with a fresh batch.
That's manifestation at its best. It was a sweet reminder of the simple joys and unexpected kindness that can fill our days. We also celebrated a fun birthday party, made even more special by a surprise visit from St. Nick himself. These moments of connection and delight are what make a house feel like a true home.
Today's episode is extra special because I'm joined by some wonderful guest who bring their own unique wisdom and experiences to our conversation. I'm sharing a powerful conversation I had with Kelly Tibbitts. Host of the Live a Vibrant Life podcast and Shabana Knight, host of organized chaos stories with Shabana. Together we dive into people pleasing. Boundaries, emotional labor, and what it actually looks like to [00:02:00] choose yourself without guilt.
We talk about why authenticity can feel uncomfortable at first, how setting boundaries can transform your relationships, and simple ways to protect your energy, especially during family gatherings and high expectation seasons. This is a conversation about rest alignment and remembering that you are allowed to feel good and live abundantly.
If you are ready to release pressure, soften expectations, and come back to yourself, you are in the right place. Let's dive in.
Kelly: Hey friends. I'm so glad you're here. I'm Kelly Tibbitts. I'm the host of the Live A Vibrant Life podcast, and I love helping moms align their energy so they can live a vibrant life.
Shabana: Hi, I am Shabana Knight. I'm here from Pacific Northwest. I'm a mom of three teenagers and I am the host of Organized Chaos Stories with Shabana. It's a [00:03:00] wonderful podcast that I just started this fall. I love helping stressed out moms get organized, declutter their houses. And feel more peace in their home.
And I love talking and I love playing Scrabble. I just love people and I love helping them feel more peace in their home.
Kelly: We were starting to notice that as the Christmas holiday is getting closer, we are trying to stay aligned to what we know to be true. People have expectations and we're a bunch of recovering people.
Pleasers. Yeah. And yeah. I'm so glad we get to be together. I love both of you, love following you, love learning from you. One of my favorite things about being in the Kathy Heller program is we just keep meeting these really aligned souls that you just wanna spend more time with. I start off by saying we're all recovering people pleasers.
My whole life. I used so much of my energy trying to help other people have good thoughts and good feelings, because I didn't know that was up to them. My thoughts are created by me and their thoughts are created by them. As I started to do this work and became a different person, it was amazing to me how people are like.[00:04:00]
Kinda liked the other version of you better. Somebody said, you're just not nice anymore. I'd say that's true because NICE often came with me lying at my own expense. I overgive and I became sick. I might not be as nice anymore, but I'm authentic. What have you discovered as you moved from people pleasing to healthy?
Christine: I think authenticity trumps people pleasing any day. I think that as we rise and we come more into our authentic selves. Some people don't resonate with that anymore because maybe they're hiding behind their own people pleasing. It's one thing to be polite, but it's another thing to be doing it at your expense.
Yeah.
Shabana: I think for so long I didn't realize I was a people pleaser and it just. Showed up in so many ways, and specifically being a mom, I would just give and give to my kids. It was finally my husband that was like, you need to stop. You do everything for everyone. You need to start taking care of yourself.
You need to take care of yourself. And I was like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm just trying to be nice and. [00:05:00] Be helpful and make sure they do it right, whatever that means. When I finally pulled back the reins on them, I realized like, oh my gosh, I do this in every area of my life. I need to learn how to take care of myself.
I need to learn how to say no. It was such a huge learning curve, and I realized I was just so burnt out. Now I'm like, I know how to take a nap and not feel guilty. I know how to snuggle with my cat. I know how to just drop everything and go take a walk and not feel bad about it. I didn't realize how much guilt and shame I had just to make everybody happy and I wasn't happy.
Kelly: These recovering people, pleasers. We do this because at the core we're trying to be loving, and what happens instead? We become resentful. We become overwhelmed, become frustrated. We're really kind of annoying to be around. Because we overgive. So one of the things that you mentioned in your previous podcast was, some of the simple things we can do during the holiday season.
We can [00:06:00] rest, we can hydrate, we can choose ourselves. And it is funny how when you're a people pleaser and an over giver, you're like, I don't have any time to drink water. One of the programs I'm in, I'm. In with somebody who's a pelvic floor therapist and she has to help all these women with pelvic floor problems 'cause they don't even take the time to go to the bathroom.
So I actually meet with a health coach and we're like, what's your next goal to drink more water. So my tool is LMNT. It's a hydrating solution that I put in my water. What do you do to rest, hydrate, and choose yourself.
Christine: I start winding down the evening with a bath. Me too. And I just love a bath with like Epsom salts and that's my me time.
And I also read in the bath, so that's like double the relaxation for me. I've made that a choice, and my husband's also super supportive. I'll just tell him like, all right, I'm done. I'm my energy's expelled for the day, and so he puts my daughter to bed on the days where I'm really feeling frazzled when she goes to bed.
I'm off duty. My boys are older, so they'll just come in and they'll tuck me in [00:07:00] sometimes, you know, they're like, all right, goodnight, mom. We can see you're done. And so kind of like it just trained my family on giving me the time in the space that I need. Yeah. And if I need to, again, I'll just go outside and also just touch the ground, just touch the earth or look up the night sky.
Like just take that moment, take that breather. I remember when I first had. My first son and my mom said, you know, it was good advice. Like if you ever get frustrated or overwhelmed, which happened a lot, just go outside for five minutes. And that really stuck with me and it's something that I still utilize to this day.
Like I have three kids and sometimes they're wrestling, and so I will just go, all right, I'm going outside for five minutes, and then I just come in a little bit calmer.
Kelly: Yes. Yes. I have three kids too. I don't think I knew that. We all did. Shabana. What do you do to rest, hydrate, and choose yourself.
Shabana: So I'm the same way. I finally let go of controlling my household, which feels really good. Sometimes I let things be messy and I'm just like, you know what? I can wait till tomorrow to [00:08:00] let the dishes be done, or I will just delegate and be like, I'm going to bed. I'm done. It's making sure I'm drinking water.
It's. Letting things be messy and surrendering and then taking walks or I'll call Christine if I'm like. I'm going crazy or sometimes it's going for a drive and screaming in your car like I'm done. In the Kathy Hiller program,
Kelly: I learned the power of music, and so sometimes that is the gift you give yourself.
You go in the car and you put on that song and you sing and you start to feel better. But how many times before we started to do this self-development work, did we clean the kitchen when we're retired and then you drop the plate? Or you spill something and everything takes 20 times as long and it doesn't work out anyway.
That ability to say, you know what, I am done. I'm gonna go to bed, it's eight o'clock. But then tomorrow morning at six, my energy returned. What we're basically talking about are boundaries, deciding in advance, this is what I will do, and this is what I won't do. If I'm exhausted, I'm gonna go take the Epsom salt bath, which again, huge for me.
I think I take a naps salt bath every single night. It's just [00:09:00] how I recover. Boundaries can look like so many different things. My children are all adults and when they come home, I have this conflict in my head of I need to spend every second and do everything for them, and I need to take care of myself so that I'm enjoyable to be around.
And it's this constant back and forth. When they came home in 2024, it became like really loud and really a lot. One of my friends was offering yoga in the middle of the day on Thanksgiving, and I decided to go and do that. They didn't care at all. They weren't like, oh my gosh, mom, you're leaving us. I came back so much more refreshed that since then, every time we go on family vacations, I choose to do one thing without them every single day.
I show up as the best version of me. Have you done that? Put some kind of boundary that you're like, I can't believe I'm actually doing this, and then you were so glad you did because it felt so much better. I know Shabana, you said for Thanksgiving you ended up doing something that felt really good for you.
Shabana: David and I have been married for 18 years and we live on the west coast and all my family is on the East coast. So we see my family like. [00:10:00] Once a year in the summertime, all of us go over there. They spend time with the grandparents, but most winter holidays we're with his family and he comes from a large family.
And I didn't realize how much being with the large group was kind of really stressful to my nervous system because I come from a smaller family. And so this year I opted out of going to Thanksgiving and I stayed home and my youngest. Stayed home with me too. And it was amazing. Like we went to the farm, she rode the horse for a while and then we decorated for Christmas and we got snacks and sushi and we watched Christmas movies and it was the first Thanksgiving that we just stayed home and did something simple.
And my husband went to Thanksgiving. With the other two kids and they had a great time. It was a wonderful boundary and created new memories and it just made me so happy. I didn't wake up the next day with like any holiday guilt or shame, and nobody was mad at me and there was no tension or grief or like, I was just so happy.
I [00:11:00] was like. Why did I not do
Kelly: this earlier? I know, and we've been doing that ourselves, like our children, one's married, one is in a relationship and choosing to be like, I'm gonna go see this family but not that family. Or, you don't have to come home and see us. Why don't we do this more? Because there's nothing worse than the person who doesn't wanna be there sending out that energy, and it makes everything harder.
Christine, have you been able to do that in any area of your life?
Christine: Yeah, I think that I am usually the one that hosts, because I have the largest space and the past two years I'd say I've been slowly kind of backing away from that because I just don't want to have all of the pressure of cleaning and prepping and all of the cooking.
We've started to make things a little bit smaller. So for instance, if we're going to have my husband's dad and brother over, we will just do bagels. In the morning on Thanksgiving instead of a big intricate meal. And then with my parents, my parents will come over and we just try to keep things a little bit more simpler in [00:12:00] regards to, okay, they love to watch a movie, but then it's always like.
Not an argument over a movie, but it takes like 25 minutes to choose a movie. So this time around, I put the choices on a paper and everyone voted, and then there was no complaining. Oh, that's so fun. Like, we're gonna solve it this way. I love that.
Kelly: One of the things I discovered a couple years ago is everyone was coming home with expectations.
We're gonna watch this movie, we're gonna go to this place, we're gonna do this thing. I started making plans in advance, like, tell me what you wanna do and what you don't wanna do. And then I even made it on Canva. Here's what we're doing and these are the meals we're eating. You are welcome to join us.
But not expected. If we're gonna go and do this, you can come or not come. But I was just like, you and my girls were younger, we had the bigger house. We always had every family member for every holiday, and it is exhausting. And so the three of us are here saying, as former people pleasers, sometimes say no or do bagels.
Yeah.
Christine: Yeah. And then it also started to get to a point where it's like, I am no longer going to go crazy cleaning every single little thing because no matter what. My mom would still be like, well, how come you didn't clean the house? I'm like, look [00:13:00] around. Like the house is clean. Like I don't need your judging.
Yeah.
Kelly: You know? And she had a different standard because probably wasn't doing what you're doing with the podcast in a coaching company. Exactly. All
Christine: the things. Yeah. Yeah.
Kelly: Shavan, anything else you noticed that you wanted to share?
Shabana: For whoever's listening, just giving them permission to do it sooner.
Don't wait the 18 years. Sure. Try your best to be on the same page as your spouse or partner that like, Hey, you know what, like maybe you can't. Just completely not go to the family event, but maybe set up a plan or a code word. Or sometimes people will tap their shoulder and that's a cue to the spouse to come over and give that person a hug.
In the episode, I said, text your best friend a code word, and then they'll call you right away. Like if I would text Christine like guacamole and she'll know to call me and then, oh, I gotta go outside and take this phone call real quick. And then I go take a 10 minute walk so I can just. Recenter myself before going back into the holidays with family, having those little [00:14:00] things in place so you can survive the holidays, you drive separately and you show up late and you leave early thinking it through to make it better for yourself and you don't have to go to holiday events.
Stay the whole time. And like be thin as a pancake, like Right. Just don't, just stop doing it. Just stop. It's
Kelly: really hard to stop and we just wanna honor that we're not here saying The first year we were married, we figured this out. We wanna be a voice that says it's okay to put yourself first. If you notice a big event is dysregulating and you wanna bring your own car and come late and leave early, if it's better for you at the end of the day, it's better for everybody.
When you're a people pleaser, you always put yourself last, so you don't know that, right? You're doing it to please everybody else, but you're actually showing up really resentful, really angry. It's unpleasant for the people around you. You probably end up screaming at your kids on the way home 'cause you gave too much.
Putting yourself first is not a bad thing.
Shabana: And the other thing I was realizing is that during this time, if you need that extra support, write a quick [00:15:00] email to your doctor or your care team or someone on online that's like your homeopathic person, natural solution or whatever, like get that extra support.
You need that. If you're struggling with like anxiety or depression or. Overstimulation to get the support you need to last you through this December, January season. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. Right. And it's between you and your care team. I think that's so important. I think people are so afraid to talk about it, but like your mental health is so important and , you need that.
And there's no shame in it. Like absolutely. I've gotten support when I need it.
Kelly: Yeah. Thank you for saying that. I think that's really important for everybody to know that sometimes it's more than a tool. Call your team and make a plan 'cause you're worth it. One of the things that inspired this conversation is on your podcast, you talked about this holiday season being the season of emotional labor expectations and exhaustion.
Everything from capitalism and the guilt around, you have to buy everybody a gift and make sure you have a gift in case they bring you a gift. I was sharing with [00:16:00] you, I'm watching a TV show called All Her Fault, where over and over again you. See the emphasis on what the woman does. And at one point the police officer talks to the dad, and the dad has done zero, and the mom has done 120%, but she did make a mistake.
And so women, then these mistakes get amplified and so you're overcompensating, and so you're doing all the emotional labor, you're doing all the mental preparation, all the expectations. So I love that you said you don't have to buy gifts. Tell me a little bit
Shabana: about that. Oh my gosh, yes. In the past I have felt like this obligation to buy everybody, including like the mailman, a gift, because there's someone I see and I appreciate and I love, and every teacher and every person a gift, and I'm like.
No, we're all exhausted. We're all stretched thin. We all have our own financial constraints or whatever. And if I'm not gonna see you on the holiday, no offense, I don't need to buy you a gift. Like that's kind of [00:17:00] ridiculous. In our world, David is the oldest of six boys. Most of them are married. And then I think we have like 15 grandkids, like not us, but like in general.
There's 15 niece and nephews and we're not gonna see all of them. The ones we are gonna see. There is a gift exchange and we're gonna make it happen, but it adds up so quickly and it's like, you wanna be fair? So anyway, I relieved myself this year of feeling like I have to buy everything for everyone and do everything.
And it's like, I'm gonna see you for a few hours one day. How this like whole crazy year. No, you don't have to buy things for everyone. I just give you all permission not to feel like you have to buy everything for
Kelly: everyone. Well, because I think one of the most important things we can do is with our intentions, send love and peace into the world.
I joined our mentor Kathy Heller's program. I. In 2021, the war in Ukraine began sometime after I was in her world, and I remember she held space that day for all of us in the call to send love and peace into the universe. So if you're feeling kind of bad today because you [00:18:00] don't have the money or the bandwidth to buy a gift for every single person that you love, could you pause and send love and peace?
And if you have a little bit more energy, send them a card if you want to, or a text or send them a photo. I've been doing this for my daughter's birthdays. We go through our phone and take pictures that we had taken through the year of that person and send it with like a favorite memory. It doesn't have to always be a gift, so how can we lower what we are doing, emotional labor expectation so that we're not exhausted throughout the holidays.
Christine, anything come to mind that you think could be helpful?
Christine: I mean, I love what Shabana said because I understand that too, when, especially when you have three kids all still in school, coming from being a teacher, yes, you love a gift, but on the other hand it adds up if you have three kids times X amount of teachers, plus the bus drivers plus all of that, and then sometimes.
You don't know what to get these people, you know what I mean? Then you're like getting like the generic like gift card. Yeah, I agree. Just let go of the pressure and really just [00:19:00] give from the heart. If there's someone that you do wanna go out of your way and get something for, go ahead and do it. If not, I love that idea of a simple card that doesn't take a lot of money and it doesn't really take a lot of effort and I think that we wanna go back to what makes people feel good.
I actually joined a Christmas card exchange this year. It's an international one. And you know what? It's just so nice to receive an old fashioned Christmas card in the mail. Yes. I go a little bit crazy with my family. We take the holiday picture and we send out the Christmas card, but I even scaled back this year.
I said, you know what? I'm not sending out 75 cards this year. I sent out like 30, and it was the people that actually show up in my life that actually have an interest in my life. I guess it goes back to the people pleasing like. If there's four sisters, but only one talks to me, well, only that one's getting the card
Kelly: and you can still send love.
But to realize that it does not have to be for all of us, a season of emotional labor expectation and exhaustion. It could be a season of peace. It could be a season of simplicity, but we have to make some decisions that are [00:20:00] different than the ones that are creating exhaustion. Anything else come to mind about
Shabana: how to get through this season?
I think one thing that's really important that I worked with my coach this week is that. Just because I don't do something, it doesn't make me a bad person. I am a good person and I have good intentions towards my friends, towards my family, towards the world, and just because I don't send out a fancier Christmas card or bake the cookies or volunteer at my kids' school event, it doesn't make me a bad person.
I need to focus on all the good that I do because I know I do a lot of good things and I put a lot of good things out there. And just to remind. You guys and whoever's listening like we are such amazing people and we need to like keep on producing that good energy and not to focus on, oh my God, I'm such a bad person.
'cause I was. Slate to the band concert or whatever, you know? Yeah. I
Kelly: think that comes down to the work that we've [00:21:00] done to speak that over ourselves. I know for most of my life, I was a person holding an empty tea cup going around to all these exhausted, depleted people. Pour something into me. Instead of, Hey, I'm gonna take the bath every single night, I'm gonna read books.
I just bought myself two books because my daughter said, wow, these are really great books to read. They're so fun to read. Well, I want those. I wanna read books that I enjoy reading, and if I don't like it, I'll put it aside for another time. I wanna have conversations with people like you that I feel like there's a great energy exchange and there's joy.
I wanna be listening to podcasts when I go for a walk. It doesn't have to be a season of emotional labor expectation and exhaustion. If that's what it feels like, change one thing, fewer gifts. Don't send cards show up late for the band concert 'cause it's too painful. Whatever you need to do. We're gonna talk about how to make the holiday easier.
I'm gonna tell three of the things that work for me. Then Christine's gonna tell some of the things that work for her, and then Shabana is gonna finish up with some of the things from her previous podcast. For me, the first thing was I read a book by someone named The Fly Lady [00:22:00] when I was a very young mom.
She had a tip for December and that was to pretend you were going on a cruise right before Christmas and so you wouldn't be able to do anything last minute 'cause you wouldn't be here. I used to pick December 1st as the day, and so I couldn't do anything after December 1st. I had to have it all done and how it served me with three little kids.
There's so many ballet recitals and Christmas concerts and Christmas cookie exchanges like. All this extra stuff came into my life in December and I was already running at capacity. And so by having everything done and what was was like that was as decorated as the house got. That was as many gifts as were purchased.
That was the fly lady. Loved that. Second thing. Especially when my girls were little, I knew stuff was coming in. I knew people were buying gifts. I knew I was buying gifts. Santa was coming. I used the end of November, beginning of December to get rid of stuff. If you know things are coming in, take the next couple days and get rid of some stuff, and then third self-care on repeat.
And for me, it's like what Christine said. It's a bath every single night with Epsom salt and battery operated candles. I'm gonna add the reading of a book. I've been listening to [00:23:00] music, but I'm gonna add the reading of a book. Those three things to me will make my holiday easier. Christine, anything come to mind that would make your holiday easier?
Christine: I think just sharing the load with my family, so giving my kids tasks to do, like being on top of the recycling, being on top of emptying out the dishwasher and not leaving all of the pressure on the adults like me and my husband. I think also having fun, like we pulled out some board games on Thanksgiving and kind of.
I invited anyone who wanted to play to play, so just loosen up a little bit. Everything doesn't have to be so perfect, like just have fun. We actually played Cards Against Humanity and you know I was like, cover my daughter's ears. We sent her off to do something else, but it was really kind of fun because I have not heard my dad laugh like that.
Literally, I can't even remember when like the, the combos that were coming up were like, oh my God, this is awkward, but also hysterical. [00:24:00] So just relax and have fun, and if you need to have a glass of wine because it will take the edge off. I'm not telling you to go out there and get plastered, but if you wanna enjoy a nice glass of wine to take the edge of having to talk to Aunt June about, you know, when you're having the next baby, just go with it.
Because you don't have to show up and be perfect. You just have to show up and be yourself and just let go of expectations. That's another thing I used to get so mad. At my husband's family because I was like, this is what they should be doing. And that did not get me anywhere besides it got me mad. Okay.
And they didn't know. And they might not have even cared. Right. Letting go of expectations and. Just be grateful for what you do have and what you do experience, and what you do get, because it's all about really just loving on each other and not necessarily the material things or what you're eating or how you're doing it.
So just relax with the expectations.
Kelly: I think that is an important thing because the expectations start with our thoughts. When my [00:25:00] daughter got married this year, I decided the expectation I had was to look at everybody with love. I didn't even hold an expectation that I was gonna take photos and I was able to really, truly enjoy the whole experience.
I love what you said. There's gratitude, there's connection, but noting expectations are thoughts that you have and you're a hundred percent in charge of changing that from everything has to be perfect to, you know what, I just wanna hear my dad laugh again. What can I do? That was really. Great thing. Yeah, that's a funny story.
I'll share with you a different time. I had a very different experience with that game, but I love that yours went so well. All right, Shana, what did you notice?
Shabana: I'm gonna just say a couple things from the podcast that I had, but you have the people in your life that you don't know what to get a gift for.
One idea is the simple gift rules you get. One item per room. For example, you would get like new towels for the bathroom, or new hand towels for the kitchen, or a cozy blanket for the living room. So more like practical items. And then another one is buy [00:26:00] yourself a gift you actually want. And don't feel bad about it because you're worthy to have nice things and you're worthy to buy yourself a nice gift.
I think sometimes in families. The mom is the one that buys all the good gifts for everyone, and they don't get a nice gift. So if you are like that, then don't feel bad to buy yourself a nice gift. Have you seen that Saturday Night Live skit? I got a robe.
Kelly: No. Okay, I'm going to link that. That was the whole point of it is everyone else got 75 things and she got a robe.
Shabana: That's really funny. I was at Costco the other day with my son and they had these really nice robes and I was like, Michael, tell dad I want this. Just because it's on sale doesn't mean you need to buy it.
Kelly: The last one I wanted you to talk about was the fact that we go to people's homes and they make all this food and no, everybody eats it, and then we end up feeling guilty.
What did you decide you were gonna do when someone's like, take this food home that you don't want?
Shabana: I decided either [00:27:00] say no, or if you feel like. For some reason you can't say no, you can take it home, but just know that as soon as you get home that you're gonna throw it away because ideally the food belongs in the trash because it's been sitting out all day and you don't need to get sick or let other people get sick.
So just take it home and throw it away. There's no guilt or shame involves because you don't need to get sick over, you know the salad. And if you
Kelly: happen to be at the place where I am where you just wanna be authentic, you can say no. Thank you. And they get to keep their thoughts and feelings. This is what changed my life to realize when I say no thank you to somebody, they could say, wow, I'm so glad she's gotten to the place where she's honest.
And then they would feel really good feelings towards me. Or they could say, man, she's not very nice anymore. And then they will feel different feelings. But that's up to them. They get to decide the thought as we close, we're getting close to 2026, and I think one of the things that. Connects the three of us, is this idea that there's more than enough.
There's more than enough energy and money and abundance and love in the world, and we can [00:28:00] connect to that. And it's okay for women to want things. I spent so much of my life not wanting anything. I don't want the robe. I don't want any attention. I don't want any money. I'm gonna do everything for free, and I don't want that anymore.
I wanna live an abundant, aligned, vibrant, wealthy life. And so tell me a little bit about what Emily Fletcher has taught you about feeling good. Placing the order and feeling good.
Shabana: Yeah, I love Emily Fletcher's stuff. Christine can definitely talk more on it. Her saying is, feel good. Feel good. Place the order, feel good.
The more that we feel good, the easier to be in alignment with placing the order, the things that we want and desire from the universe, and the more we're in alignment in receivership. And then we just keep repeating it and keep allowing it and keep welcoming it into our atmosphere. Christine, anything you wanna expand on?
Christine: I think explained it pretty well. It's basically just setting out the order, so placing the order and then imagining [00:29:00] yourself already having it and how you would feel if you already have those things. So when you're placing the order, you're then feeling good about. Having it, and that's what manifest it, that's what actualizes it, because after all, we are not necessarily always looking for the thing.
We are looking for the feeling that comes with the thing or the experience. So it's a matter of. Feeling good around what we are trying to bring into our lives. Absolutely.
Kelly: And you know, one of the ways that I found to move myself from people pleasing exhausted energy is through Julia Cameron's Artist's way in it.
She taught me something that I'd never thought of, which is artist date, and that is that you are worth 30 minutes every week to do something that you enjoy. Whether it's watercolor, painting, or going to a coffee shop and getting a really good coffee, there are tools that can help support people. To feel good, to notice what they want and to feel good again.
It's part of why we are all coaches, is we [00:30:00] like to walk alongside people and help them learn these things because we were rewarded with praise for doing things that were past our capacity. That we were praised instead of given money. One of the things from that TV show that I was talking about, all her fault is both of the women said, I'm sick of everyone telling me how amazing I am.
I'm tired of being amazing. I don't sleep. I can't eat. I overgive. I end up making all these mistakes instead of feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, depleted. What small steps can we do to feel good, feel good, feel good, and to have the confidence that we're allowed to place the order. We're allowed to say, I want this.
There's nothing wrong with that. One of the things that's fun is you were saying Shabana, there were like angel numbers everywhere. I felt that too, and we both feel like seeing certain things, hearing certain things, having connections like this makes you feel supported and surrounded. I would say it also takes an action step.
You reached out to me and said, Hey, would you like to have a conversation? So I think it's both. I think it's noticing the fact that you're connected and then doing something brave this holiday season. [00:31:00] Who's somebody you like talking to? Go have a coffee with them. Find the people that you enjoy. Tell me a little bit about angel numbers and
Shabana: feeling supported.
Yeah. Ever since Thanksgiving, I have been seeing angel numbers like crazy, basically on license plates has been my biggest thing. It's been, and I told Christine about it. I just, I can't stop seeing them and the message and vibes. I've been googling and researching it too, but it's just like I'm supported, I'm loved, I'm protected, I'm surrounded, and I just feel so held in this season.
And, like a week before my daughter fell off the horse that she rides, and I thought she had a concussion. And then a couple hours later she was completely fine. So it's just like all these things keep like happening and I'm like, I get scared, but then I'm like, Nope, we're good.
We're good. I don't know. And again, we're safe.
Kelly: And we're safe. Yeah. What do you notice, Christine, in this season of feeling supported?
Christine: Well, I can totally agree with what Shavana says. I see angel numbers all the time, [00:32:00] and I think that for me is just reassurance that I'm divinely supported and on the right path.
And I also see a specific number. I see my Nana's numbers, which is her birthday, so that's April 13th, so it's four 13 or 3 1 4, and I see it constantly and it's just like a warm hug. Saying, Hey, we got your back, and continue to move forward with what you are working towards. And I do agree that it's more than just wanting something or feeling good.
You do have to take those aligned, actionable steps. And it's so funny that you are mentioning the Artist Way because I've literally had that book and the journal. It actually holds up my laptop for, I wanna say like the past. I've had it for like three years, honestly, and I heard Kathy Heller actually coaching someone on her podcast and she encouraged her to open the book and I literally just opened it two days ago.
Today is my third day of actually. Using the morning pages in there, have not really read most of the book, but I am doing the morning [00:33:00] pages. I'm curious to see where that's gonna be. And at first I looked at all the lines and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so much to write. And then I got to the end and I was like, oh, I need more lines.
It's kind of funny how I. It really does. You know, sometimes something is right in front of you. I'm like, this book has literally been in my living room for like three years and now I am just finally picking up. But now you're
Kelly: ready. Now you're ready. But that's what you have space now? I'm space and the energy.
Yep. So if someone's listening today and they hear us talk and they think, you know what? I think I want more of this. How could they connect with each of you? And then I'll share a little bit how people can work with me.
Christine: Sure you can find me on Instagram at Christine dot marcario, coach. That is where I am the most active and in the link in my bio.
You can also sign up for my weekly newsletter there, and I would love to have you in my community and my podcast again is called Aligned and Abundant.
Kelly: I loved, I did a vision. Day with you where we were looking for our word of the year. Are you gonna be doing another one of those?
Christine: Yes, I am planning to, I haven't decided if I'm going to do it at the end of December or January, but [00:34:00] keep an eye out for that.
Yes, A vision board workshop course where we make a vision board that you can keep. Somewhere where you can see it accessibly daily, for example, on your phone. Or print it out and put it on your desk. It was great.
Kelly: Shabana, how
Shabana: can people connect with you? I love that. Follow me on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your podcast.
Again, it's organized chaos stories with Shabana and then Instagram. It's Shabana dot Knight with a K.
Kelly: If people are local to you, you do in-home organizations, yes.
Shabana: I also do Traveling. Decluttering organization is something I'm really launching in 2026. I've done one outta state so far, but mainly in state, but I am.
I'm gonna branch out and do out-of-state travel. Yeah, I'm
Kelly: looking forward to, I bet you'll be virtual before you know it. 'cause I think the gift that you have is the ability to see. Right. I am at www.kellytibbitts.com and one of the things that I do is one-on-one coaching with people around the Enneagram and human design.
So people know why they think, [00:35:00] feel, and do life the way they do, and that really helps you get back into aligned energy. And I also have the Live A Vibrant Life podcast. Shahana has been a guest. We're so excited you were able to be here with us today. We wish you goodness, and love and joy as we end the year.
And we hope that our conversation today helps you believe that you are worth taking care of. You are worth noticing what's important to you, and we're here to give you permission or to set some boundaries. Say no, it's okay to be authentic. Thanks for being here. Thank you.