Creating Your Own Life: Pivots, Self-Discovery & Coming Back to Yourself with Carmen Walsh | Aligned & Abundant Ep. 58

Have you ever driven to work crying, pulled into the parking lot, and thought — I cannot walk in there and pretend to be okay? Carmen Walsh has. And that parking lot moment ended up being one of the most pivotal turning points of her entire life.

In this conversation, Carmen and I sat down in person (how fun is that?!) for a free-flowing, deeply honest talk about what it actually looks like to create a life from the inside out — not from what society expects, or what our families handed us, or what the version of ourselves that didn't know any better thought we were supposed to be. This one hits different. I promise.

What you'll hear in this episode:

• Why the worst place for your thoughts is inside your head — and the simple habit that creates instant clarity
• How growing up as a caregiver shaped Carmen's identity (and the long road back to knowing who she actually was)
• The codependency moment that literally saved her life — and what she learned from it about the spectrum of selfishness vs. self-care
• Why "I'm fine" is one of the most isolating things we say — and what happens when we stop saying it
• The beautiful truth that our forever relationship is with ourselves, and every other relationship is either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime
• How awe and wonder in everyday nature can rewire your abundance mindset without spending a dime
• The "joy list" concept Carmen swears by — a simple tool for getting out of the spiral on hard days
• Why living from the inside out is the foundation of soul alignment, and how to start doing it even if you have no idea who you are anymore

Mentioned in this episode:

• Carmen Walsh — writer, women's circle facilitator, and author of an upcoming memoir
• Carmen's website and Linktree: carmenwalsh.com
• Carmen's Soul Love Circle — a women's Zoom community meeting twice a month
• Carmen's Substack — free weekly articles
• Mel Robbins' 5 Second Rule
• The Soul Shine Collective — Christine's Skool community for women ready to align, expand, and come home to themselves: Join here

There is something so healing about two women sitting across from each other — no script, no performance — just real talk about real life. If this conversation gave you permission to soften somewhere, I'm so glad. You deserve a life that feels good, not just one that looks good from the outside.

Transcript

Christine: Welcome to another episode of Aligned & Abundant. On today's episode, I have a very special guest — in person! Her name is Carmen Walsh. Carmen and I met about September at a retreat. We had a friend in common, started to bond, went out to dinner, got to know each other a little better. And then I realized Carmen doesn't live that far away from me, and she loves the ocean, so she made the drive — and here we are recording together.

We're going to talk about all things life, pivoting, maybe a little manifestation, maybe a little goal setting, and just whatever flows. We've also been in some programs together, so we've seen the growth in each other. We've seen the tears, the "what am I doing," and the "okay, I think I got it." So I'd love for you to introduce yourself to the audience and share a little bit about yourself and your journey.

Carmen: Hello, and thank you, Christine, for having me — it's so fun to do this in person. My name is Carmen Walsh. I'm newly married, actually just coming up on my first anniversary, and this is my second marriage. My first one ended when I was about 21, so I've spent a lot of time on my own.

Part of my journey has involved really difficult relationships, and what I've learned through that has been incredibly powerful — about choosing your life and creating your own life rather than just responding to what's around you. I have a background in writing and a master's degree in writing. I'm currently writing my first book, a memoir about my journey in creating my own life and learning to enjoy it instead of just working hard, trying to prove myself, and doing all the things that don't feel so good.

Christine: I've attended your writing circles and they are nothing short of amazing. There's something about being with other like-minded individuals who are willing to put pen to paper and just let the creativity flow and reconnect. I think that's one thing you and I have in common — not only are we willing to create our own lives, but we're willing to go within and see what feels good, and put aside what society thinks, what our parents expect, what our partners may expect, and get back to our authenticity.

For me personally, I have so many journals from when I was a kid. I won't say I wanted to be like Anne Frank, because that's not cool — but what I wanted was to have that kind of impact, where your words live on forever and touch people's lives. I always kept journals. I majored in English, I love reading, I love writing — because it's such a beautiful art form and expression outside of the mind, which can get a little crazy.

Carmen: Exactly. And I forget where I first heard this — maybe I made it up — but the worst place for your thoughts to be is in your head. You've got to get them out. I don't care how you do it — write them down, speak them out loud, put them in a poem, music, art — just get them out. Because then you can actually do something with them. If they stay in your head, they just keep circling.

Christine: 100%. That's one of the reasons I was journaling as a teenager — because I figured out that once I wrote, I'd get the answers.

Carmen: I wish I'd had that as a teenager. I didn't start journaling until I began counseling around 2017, when I was in a really difficult spot in a relationship. My counselor encouraged me to write down what was going on. I still have those journals, which is actually great for my book — I can go back and read them and think, "Oh my God, I was a mess." But it's so valuable to have that record. Once you write it down, the clarity that comes is amazing. You don't need anyone to tell you anything. You have the answers within you — you just have to get them out of your head.

Christine: Yes. And I love what you just said — you have the record of how bad it was, but you also now have proof of how good it's gotten.

Carmen: I just got chills. It's so true. I can look back and I don't feel sorry for myself — I'm like, my life is amazing compared to the way it was. And I did that. No one told me what to do. I asked for help, which was a huge part of it — admitting I'm not okay and that I need help. That was really hard for me. And I know it's hard for a lot of women. We've been taught that asking for help is weak, that we should be able to handle everything on our own. But I truly believe we are not meant to do this life alone.

Christine: No, absolutely not. Even think about tribes — you're never a tribe of one. You're always in community.

Carmen: Yes. But I think our society — at least American society — is so ingrained in this idea of independence. Do everything yourself. And if you're a woman, do it all and do it all really well. No pressure. And yet, when you look at tribal communities, everybody has their own part, everybody pitches in, they listen to each other, they tell stories, they share, they express emotions. We've gotten so disconnected from that. We bottle everything up and then wonder why our bodies are screaming at us to slow down.

Christine: And that's when you start seeing the autoimmune diseases, the burnout. Yeah.

Carmen: Exactly. So to ask for help, and then to realize you have the power to change anything you want about your life — that's the shift.

Christine: Now I've got chills! And I think it's also important to recognize and honor every step of your path, because it's what makes us who we are. The societal conditioning, the expectations, the pressure we put on ourselves — coming back home to ourselves gives us the opportunity to reconnect with our inner essence.

Carmen: That is one of my core messages — living from the inside out. Starting within to ask, "What's my truth? What do I actually love? What makes me happy? What doesn't? What are my values?" Really getting to know yourself, and then creating your life from there. Because otherwise — that was me. I didn't know who I was. I was married young, and before we got divorced, my husband said, "You don't know who you are." I thought he was nuts. But he was absolutely right.

My story is that I had an older brother with epilepsy, and I grew up making sure he was safe. When he died when I was 15, instead of taking that time to get to know myself, I met a boyfriend within two months and just circled my life around him instead. It took me a really long time to realize I had to start with me. And that's made all the difference.

Christine: At what age did you really start to realize that?

Carmen: Around 2017 is when I was crashing. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic who had a lot of PTSD. There was a lot going on — it was a very triggering environment, and I was spiraling downhill quickly. I had a day where I drove an hour to work, got to the building, looked at it, and thought, "I can't. I can't pretend I'm okay." I texted my supervisor and drove back toward home — but he was there, so I stopped halfway at a reservoir near where I used to live, and just sat by the water.

I remember thinking, I understand people who want to end things. It was that feeling of having no idea what to do — complete hopelessness. And honestly, in that moment, codependency actually saved my life. I thought, "I can't do that to my parents." I'd seen what losing my brother did to them. So I was like, okay, I need another option — and I texted a friend who was a counselor and asked for help.

Christine: That took so much bravery. To ask for help and not allow yourself to spiral further — it's a hard place to pull yourself up from when you're at the end of your rope. And what you said is so powerful: codependency in that moment literally saved your life.

Carmen: It did. Because if I had been choosing only myself at that point, I think I would have chosen to just make it stop. And so yes, in that instant it saved my life. But then the work became learning that healthy choosing of self — realizing it's a spectrum, not an either/or. I think most women are too far down the "taking care of everyone else" end of the spectrum and just need to come back to a healthier middle: choosing yourself, taking care of yourself, doing what makes you happy — and then recognizing how that actually benefits everyone around you.

Christine: Right. Because light lights light. When you're energized and enthusiastic about life, that's inspirational. People feel that energy. And making yourself happy gives others permission to do the same.

So many of us are conditioned to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter — and sometimes that's just a lot. I don't want to be the perfect anything. I want to be authentically me. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to say something stupid. And when I'm good, I'm good.

Carmen: Yes. And what makes a great partnership — romantic, friendship, any kind — is when two people genuinely want the best for each other, in equal measure. When you know your partner truly wants you to be happy, choosing your own joy becomes so much easier. And then it comes back to who you surround yourself with. Choose people who want the best for you. If people need you to stay a certain way for their own reasons, that will drain you.

Christine: The universe also responds when you're more in your truth and in alignment — the people who are no longer at that vibrational level start to fade, or they try to hold on tighter. Either way, it's confirmation.

And I'm on my second marriage as well. You get to a point where you realize a relationship is no longer in alignment for your best and highest good. It may have served a purpose, but that purpose may have expired.

Carmen: I used to believe that the only valuable relationship was one that lasted forever — friends forever, partners forever. But I don't think it works like that. There are relationships for seasons. Some may last most of your life, and that's wonderful, but it's not a requirement. Our forever relationship is with ourselves — that's the one to focus on. Because if you have a good relationship with yourself, that's forever.

Christine: And you're the one living with yourself every day. There's no escaping it.

Carmen: No. But when you're good with yourself — I actually had this thought just today driving here. I took time this morning to walk the beach, visit the coffee shop, the art galleries — I just filled my cup. And sitting in the car I thought, "I love my life. I love who I am." When you can say that — fear still shows up, but it's surface-level. You know deep down you're actually living your life. And there's such a lightness to that.

Christine: Yes — you know you can trust yourself to get through whatever comes your way, because you've built that relationship with yourself.

Carmen: Exactly. That's how you build self-trust — you get through things and you learn more and more about who you are. And eventually you get to, "Wow, I'm pretty cool. I like me." And then it really doesn't matter what other people say.

Christine: Yes! Some people think it's weird to enjoy being alone. I love hanging out with myself. I have a great time. I'm funny, I crack myself up, I make myself the best coffee. Some people are like, "I hate being by myself, I can't drive in silence." And it's like — that's actually a signal that something deeper is going on.

Carmen: Yes. If you can't be with yourself, that's worth exploring. Our bodies and our minds give us all the clues we need. It's just a matter of whether we're listening.

Christine: And establishing that strong inner foundation doesn't mean everything has been rainbows and butterflies. You and I both know we've been through some things. But the question is — what do you do about it? How do you move through it? Because on the other side, you're stronger, more resilient, more prepared for the next challenge.

I used to think that once you became an adult, life was just easy and figured out. The biggest lie I ever believed.

Carmen: They did not warn us. Not in the Disney movies, not anywhere. I am still waiting for an adultier adult to tell me what to do.

Christine: Same! Tell me exactly what to cook for dinner for the next 80 years!

Carmen: But that's also freedom, right? There's no right way. If you want a bowl of Lucky Charms at 40, you can. And I want to touch on something I haven't talked about much publicly but feel I'd be doing a disservice to skip — the spiritual piece. Because for me, it was in 2021 that I finally knew in my body: I am absolutely perfect, and I cannot screw this up. That is how God — whatever you want to call it — sees each one of us. We are absolutely perfect, and we cannot screw it up. And that takes off so much pressure.

Because if you have a good relationship with yourself, and you believe that God is on your side and wants you to be happy and is supporting you — what a sigh of relief.

Christine: Yes. Someone said to me recently: "Imagine getting to heaven and thinking God doesn't have your picture on His fridge." Of course He does! We get so in our heads — am I messing this life up? Am I messing this opportunity up? And it's like, no. You are perfect the way you are. We're here to experience life, to expand — we don't know what we don't know, but once we know it, what do we do with that?

Carmen: Yes. I actually just wrote about this on my Substack — getting away from right and wrong, good and bad. Those labels. It's just an experience. You can't get it wrong.

Christine: Every day is a fresh opportunity to change, to pivot, to remember you're worth it. And speaking of putting yourself out there — whether it's through writing, a podcast, a book — we want to be part of the change that society is so desperately seeking. Coming back home to our authentic selves. Having fun. Letting joy be the strategy.

Carmen: Absolutely. Living from the inside out — knowing your truth, what you love, what makes you happy, what your values are — and creating your life from there. It doesn't mean you have to quit your job or do anything drastic. It can start with literally just giving yourself some joy every day.

I actually tell people to make a joy list. A physical written list of things that light you up — reading, creating art, hiking, whatever it is. Then on the hard days when you don't know what to do, you don't have to think. You just pick something off the list.

Christine: I love that. You need a whole workshop on that.

Carmen: Maybe so! Because the thinking is often what gets us stuck. When we're in the spiral, trying to think our way out of the spiral doesn't work very well.

Christine: There's an expression: you can't solve the problem from the energy of the problem. You have to step outside of it. And it goes back to going within — that's where all the answers are. But we are moving so fast. People mention a five-minute meditation and I used to think, "Five minutes? I don't have five minutes."

Carmen: Yes. Whether it's a five-minute meditation, drawing, painting, listening to one song with your full attention — those micro-moments of presence break the spiral. You stop the swirl. And moving helps too. You can go to a yoga class and either be in your head the whole time — "Am I doing this right? Do I look like the person next to me?" — or you can actually feel your breath and come out feeling like a million bucks. It's the practice of presence.

Christine: I've recognized for a long time that I'm always in the future — planning, projecting. So I try to come back to the present moment. The past is gone, the future is a hope — but the present is where we actually are. Now is all we have.

Carmen: Always. And you know something I truly believe that brings me a lot of peace — we are eternal souls. This human experience is a blip. An absolute blip. And when you hold that, it takes all the pressure off. Like, let's just have fun.

Christine: Exactly. Because at whatever level of consciousness comes after this, we're going to look back and think, "That fight in sixth grade that I dreaded for months? That ruined friendships well into adulthood? What was that?" It was nothing in the grand scheme.

Carmen: And no wrong, no bad. Just an experience. I love what a mentor we both know says — she differentiates between something being hard and something feeling hard. It's not actually hard. It just feels uncomfortable. And we can do uncomfortable things.

Christine: Yes. And often the thing we've been putting off for months takes all of twenty seconds of courage. Then it's done, and you wonder why you waited so long.

Carmen: It's the thinking about it that makes it hard. I have a friend who's a dancer — she uses the "5, 6, 7, 8" count before every dance. Just to get you out of your head and into your body. It's really the same as the Mel Robbins 5-second rule. Stop the swirl and do the thing. Life doesn't happen in your head.

Christine: No, it does not. All right, we could go on for hours — and we probably should — but I'd love for you to share with the audience where they can find you and how they can work with you.

Carmen: Of course! The easiest place to start is carmenwalsh.com — that's my linktree hub, so you'll find all the important links there. I write weekly articles on Substack, which is free, and I'm really enjoying it. My book is in progress and coming in the future. And I have a Soul Love Circle — a women's group that meets twice a month on Zoom for an hour. It's a simple, contained commitment, but really powerful. A safe space to go within, journal, share if you want to, and leave with so much more clarity than you came in with.

Christine: And I highly recommend Carmen's writing circles — I've attended them myself and they are profound. That devoted hour of connection with yourself can shift so much you're not even aware of. And like Carmen said, it's also a safe space where you can voice the things you can't say to the people in your life who are part of the situation. That outside container for clarity is such a gift to give yourself.

So that's a wrap on this beautiful conversation. Get out there, connect with people, have real conversations, and check out a community or circle where you can come back home to yourself and meet like-minded people. Until next time — have a beautiful, abundant, and aligned week. ✨