FIRE IN HER EYES PODCAST
A podcast about women who persevered! Stories and conversations with and about resilient women.
FIRE IN HER EYES PODCAST
Navigating Teenage Pressures In Today's World
In this episode, we tackle the complex landscape of teenage pressures in today's fast-paced world. From social media influences to academic expectations, we explore the myriad challenges teens face. Annie delves into the power of self-awareness and self-advocacy: How understanding her own strengths and weaknesses can pave the way for personal growth and how she advocates for herself in various aspects of life.
Hello and welcome to Fire in Her Eyes. This is a podcast about women who persevered through pain to find peace and purpose. So if you're looking for a little inspiration and motivation to sustain you through difficult times, join us as we share stories of women who were empowered through pain and transformed struggles into sweet success. I'm your host, Tanya Skowronski. Welcome back to Fire in Her Eyes, the podcast where we celebrate the strength and stories of women who persevere. Today's episode is especially close to my heart. I'm joined by someone who inspires me in ways she probably doesn't even know. She is smart, passionate, kind, and navigating all the challenges that come with being a teenager in today's world. My 16-year-old niece, Ani. I can't wait for you to hear her perspective on resilience, dreams, and growing up strong. Ani, welcome to the episode.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER_00:Can you tell us a little bit about yourself, what you're passionate about, and what you enjoy doing?
SPEAKER_01:So my name is Ani, and I'm an incoming junior at my school. And I enjoy things like playing tennis and lacrosse and being with my friends, listening to music. Just typical things, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Typical teenage things. I completely understand. Can you share with me a time when you faced something really hard? And how you got through it. The reality of it is I grew up in a different world than you did. I had a different set of challenges. I grew up even in a different country than you did. There was no social media when I grew up. So today's teenager is so different than who I was as a teenager. So can you share with us a time when you faced something really hard and how you got through it?
SPEAKER_01:I think a big struggle of my life is kind of balancing the fact that my parents are Middle Eastern and also that I'm living in America and trying to live up to their expectations, but also making my friends happy and then overall making myself happy. And it's just hard to balance all those things out. I'm someone who really strives off of academic validation, so... making sure I get good grades but also having time for myself and enjoying my life. It's just all of those things are really challenging for me and it just really gets to my mental health and that is probably my biggest struggle.
SPEAKER_00:So how do you balance that? I understand that a little bit because my parents immigrated here and it was hard because I was given a certain set of values and rules and I'm a rule follower and I love and respect my parents and I want wanted to do all the things they hoped for from me, they wanted from me. But it's hard when some of those don't necessarily align with what today's society and my environment wanted from me. So how do you balance that? So you're, you're trying to fit in, but not at the expense of compromising the values you've been taught and given.
SPEAKER_01:So I think the biggest thing is staying true to myself, knowing what my limits are. And I think something I'm really working on is being able to stand up for myself and knowing what's right from wrong. and having open communication with my parents, telling them how I feel about certain things and watching them grow as people too. So it's just a lot of factors that play into it. The most important thing is just maintaining communication and being able to be honest and having self-advocation, knowing when it's important to step down, knowing when it's important to, you know, take a moment, take a deep breath, be honest with the people that I love, like my friends, my parents, like, listen, like it's been getting hard. I need to do this or do that. And just, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. For me, one of the hardest lessons that I've had to learn is making sure that who I am and my sense of self-worth are aren't defined by others or by the circumstances around me. That while I appreciate praise and approval and knowing that I make a difference, that my sense of self-worth isn't defined by everybody else's approval. that my sense of self-worth is defined by whether or not I live authentically in alignment with my values. I remember coming to the U.S. as a teenager and being in high school and I talked about it on another episode where it was really hard to fit in because I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to fit in. But I struggled to do that because to do all of those things required to a great extent compromising my values and my belief system and it's really hard as a teenager walking that fine line
SPEAKER_01:yeah that's something i struggle with i feel like i have a problem where i always prioritize the needs of other people and making other people happy constantly and and then i realize what am i doing i'm not happy like And that's something I've been trying to work on is prioritizing myself and my needs and my happiness because this is my life and I'm in control of it and I'm the only one who is in control of it. So I am like I completely understand everything you just told me, and I resonate with it honestly. And it's so hard to fit in because my friends don't understand. I feel like some people have a hard time understanding my background, especially because I go to a boarding school where people do come from outside of the country. And sometimes I feel like I'm that type of student, even though I do live here in the U.S. and I have my entire life. I have different expectations. I have different customs, different rules. And it's just different from what a lot of people are used to. So it's hard to balance out the two for me.
SPEAKER_00:Right. I remember when it was time for me to go to prom, my mom initially said no. And then she said if I was going to go to prom that I either could go with my cousin or my brother, that I wasn't allowed to take a date, right? And it was hard to fit in and I negotiated and I ended up going to prom and I went by myself. Because I explained to my mom, you don't take your brother or your cousin with you to prom. And it was really hard trying to figure all that out. I think what I love and admire so much about you is you're finding a way to say that living alone authentically in alignment with who you are does not make you selfish. You can still be kind, but it doesn't mean you have to self-sacrifice for the happiness of others, which is wonderful. How do you find a way, can you adjust your perspective where these cultural differences, instead of presenting a challenge or being a hindrance, are you ever able to see the value in it that how lovely it is that you come from a background that's culturally enriching. You speak multiple languages, you've traveled to several countries. And I think part of the beauty of this world and more specifically the United States is that we are a combination of so many different races and ethnic backgrounds and religions. And I think that's really enriching. We can look at it that way or we can look at it as hindering. How do you adjust your perspective on that?
SPEAKER_01:So I have been talking a lot about the challenges that come with it, but honestly, I'm so grateful to A, live in the United States because I live in a country where I'm able to go to school, where I can wake up every morning in a safe house, in a house, have food, a loving family. And I think I'm just so full of gratitude, but I'm also grateful I feel very fulfilled having my family back in the Middle East, very close to all of them. I love my culture and having the experience of traveling the world and, you know, living in the Middle East for the summer, but then living here for my school for the time I'm in school makes me realize how different people are. And I think that's why I have the ability to read people, because I've been exposed to so many different types of people, not just in the U.S., but also, like, different cultures, like, you know, in the U.S., in Ohio, at this school, there's this rule, and there's this expectation, but then in the Middle East, it's completely different, the way people even dress, the way body language, the way people present themselves, it's just, there's so much diversity, and since I was young, I've been exposed to that, so I Although it is hard to try to explain that to someone who simply does not understand it, it- is such a gift for me. And I'm so grateful that I had that opportunity.
SPEAKER_00:I agree. I feel like it helps us to develop a cultural competence. So we are more empathetic and sensitive towards others who may have different traditions and different backgrounds. And instead of judging or shying away, we want to lean in and we want to learn because it helps us to see that there's some value to the way they do things. Has there been a moment where you wanted to give up on something important, but you didn't? What changed your mind?
SPEAKER_01:So I think the biggest challenge for me at this age is my academics because my parents growing up lived in a very strict household where their parents held high expectations for them. And so I think they carried that down onto me and my brother. So although they're less rigid than their parents were, I still feel that and I feel like I carry that guilt with me. So when I don't perform the way I should academically, when I feel like a nervous breakdown coming or just like overwhelmed, anxious, like... I feel lots of guilt and I just want to give up and I'm just too tired to try anymore. I feel like I gave it my all and no matter how hard I try, I just don't see the results given the amount of effort I've put into it. So although I didn't want to give up, I remember a lot of this is the big thing that keeps me going is the fact that I am here in the United States and I am at the school that I'm at. I am surrounded by the people I'm surrounded by and just living with gratitude. And I've learned to take my guilt and try to turn it into that gratitude because I have opportunities that millions of kids would die for and do die for and fight for. And I'm just so grateful to be at this school and have opportunities. stress for about my education stress about my friends because although it does take a toll on me and it is hard and i'm balancing a million things at once there is someone out there who wishes they could be in my shoes so that's what keeps me going is the gratitude and the fact that my parents gave everything to give me this opportunity and i do a lot of the things i do for them and to make them proud but sometimes that interferes with my idea of self-worth and doing everything for other people rather than doing it for myself. So it's complicated, but I think the reason why I'm still going today is because of the opportunities I've been given.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, there's something so powerful about gratitude, right? It helps us shift and reset our perspective. It has a way of bringing us peace and motivation and I can't imagine living my life without gratitude. It has really made a difference in some key moments.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I just feel like we get so caught up these days, like, you know, even with social media and seeing people traveling the world like, oh, like, I wish I was there. I wish I had better grades. I wish this. I wish that. But I something even I still struggle with is living in the moment and just taking the time to appreciate everything around us.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Who in your life would you say has helped shape your mindset around not giving up?
SPEAKER_01:So in my life, I think the two biggest influential people are definitely my parents. And their story of leaving the Middle East during a time of civil war and coming here with nothing and making a future for themselves and their children is just the most inspiring thing to me. And it's the reason why I wake up every day and I put in all of the possible effort I can. My dad, he left Lebanon when he was a teenager and came here with nothing, lived off of five bucks a week with his family members here, went to college, and just really struggled financially, socially, and eventually built a future for himself and became extremely successful. He became a neurosurgeon, and to me, that is the most inspiring thing. And along... That storyline, he faced countless of other challenges outside of moving here with nothing. And my mom is also huge on, she's someone who I really look up to as well because like my dad, she came here with nothing and also became a doctor, but she also has to worry about my brother and I and taking care of us and cooking, cleaning, all of these things. So both of them to me, are super inspiring in different ways
SPEAKER_00:I feel like your parents did everything they could to carve a path to success for you and your brother
SPEAKER_01:yeah so they did everything they could have for us so that's why I feel so inspired and that's why I'm just filled with gratitude and I try to implement gratitude in everything that I do on my day-to-day life.
SPEAKER_00:One of the things that I really respect about your dad is his tenacity, his resilience, his persistence. No matter what the problem is, he will find a way to overcome it, learn from it, and achieve his goal.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I know this may be a little tacky, but A quote I really believe in is, you survive 100% of your bad days. And there have been days for me that were just so awful. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to sit in my room. But I realized that even through the hard times, it's okay to feel bad. It's okay to feel upset. It's okay to just sit in sadness because... Those hard days make you the person you are today. And those experiences shape you. Because without sadness, there is no happiness.
SPEAKER_00:What I admire about your mom is the way she has demonstrated to balance personal and professional dreams. She's a wife and a mother and a friend and a sister and a daughter. And she's also a doctor. She's able to be unwavering in her commitment to you and your brother. while still being committed to her other professional responsibilities.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know how she does it. She's always working, whether it's at work, seeing patients, you know, her charts, her calls, or cooking, or doing the laundry, or making sure everyone is okay. And I just, I have so much admiration for her. I really look up to her and she means the world to me. That's wonderful.
SPEAKER_00:What have you learned about yourself from difficult experiences?
SPEAKER_01:So personally, I've learned to be self-aware and understand myself knowing what my limits are and when I need to take a moment and just talk to someone and be an advocate for myself because I'm the only person who knows me. Even my best friends, even my parents, they don't know what goes on in my head And I think the hardest times have taught me this is what I need, this is what I need to do to fix it, and this is how I need to grow for the future. So just having self-awareness is the thing I have learned through the difficult times.
SPEAKER_00:I think there's so much growth that happens from 13 to 18. You know, those high school, middle school, high school years. And again, there's another huge period of growth in those college years. So now it's 16. What would you go back and tell your 12, 13-year-old self?
SPEAKER_01:I think the overall thing I would say is it's going to be okay. There have been countless amount of times where I wanted to give up. I was so close to just, I'm done. I don't want anything to do with this anymore. I've accepted the fact that I've reached failure. But no, every single day that has been a bad day, I have survived. I'm still here and I have filled my life with happiness and people I care about and surrounded myself with. Just joy. So I would tell myself, first, it's going to be okay. Just don't worry. Second of all, I would want to tell myself, don't be scared to stand up for what's right. Stand up for the people you care about. Stand up for yourself. Because that's just kind of what people need nowadays. They need someone who can be a leader and they need someone who can understand what's right from wrong. Because A lot of wrong has been normalized and people don't even realize it. So just staying true to yourself, staying true to the people who love you and having an understanding of the difference between doing things for other people, but then doing things for yourself first, because ultimately you are the only person who can take care of yourself and you need to prioritize that first.
SPEAKER_00:You're awfully wise for a 16 year old. You truly are. How do you think your generation is changing the way we think about, quote, resilience and strength?
SPEAKER_01:Ooh. So, in this day and age, I think that teenagers are faced with different challenges than what you probably experienced at your age, right? Because now we have exposure to social media, different social events, different expectations, so... I think a lot of the ways we show resilience is probably similar to the way you did though, because my idea of resilience is standing up for what's right, having an understanding that what this person said or this person did was wrong, and just supporting my friends, supporting the people I love, my family, through hard times. And I think Success comes from being surrounded by a supportive and positive environment because I personally struggle with success in a negative environment where I feel like I'm being constantly pushed down and where people don't see my potential. So being in a positive environment and standing up for what's right, prioritizing yourself, I think those are the ways people nowadays show resilience, but that may be different for other people. And I think people have different outlets on how to take out their emotions and feel better.
SPEAKER_00:So growing up for me and my generation, mental health was something very taboo. We didn't talk about it. No matter what the challenge was that you faced, you just suck it up and you just keep moving forward. It wasn't openly discussed it wasn't embraced it left people feeling uncomfortable and yet now I look at my own kids where they talk about it very openly and freely which I love I think it's so healthy to be able to do that so your generation is a little bit different it's talked about very openly people are more understanding if they're not understanding they try and educate themselves about it So based on the fact that a lot of effort has been made to shine the spotlight on mental health, what would you say to another teenage girl who's struggling but trying to hang on? I don't know what the pressures are of today's teenage girl.
SPEAKER_01:I think a lot of the pressures come around like academics, sports, being good enough just in general, but then also like socially, like, you know... Social media, body issues with eating and body image and all of those things. Feeling like you're pretty enough. Male validation. So all of these things tie into what I think as a teenager, like teenage girls at least, we struggle with. At least off the top of my head, these are the biggest ones. And each of us are different. Each of us struggle differently. Mental health is just the overall problem. I guess, grand issue. And I put quotes around that because mental health is not an issue. And I feel like the reason it's an issue is because people feel like they shouldn't talk about it because it feels embarrassing. They don't want to face judgment. They don't want to seem weak. But ultimately, you need... And I think... I strongly believe in you need a positive environment to succeed. And when I mean positive environment, I don't mean like a rainbow and like puppies and everything. No, I mean you need to like believe you can do it because then you can. If you think you can't and you think you're just going to fail and you don't see any potential in yourself, how are you ever supposed to do any good? So it all starts in your head because you are the only person who knows yourself. And I keep bringing up self-advocacy because I truly believe it is the most important thing you can do. When you're struggling, you need to be able to recognize that you are struggling and it is okay to struggle because that is what makes life, life.
SPEAKER_00:How do you make sure you don't lose faith in yourself? You don't lose sight of your gifts, your talents, what you are capable of doing when you're constantly bombarded with by external forces that might be tearing you apart. I feel like one of the challenges in high school, at least that I remember, is socialization, right? You're not quite a child. You're not quite an adult. You're trying to figure out how to interact with others while trying to better understand who you are. So there's a lot of social pressures. I see a lot of girls, even young women, whose validation is very dependent on a romantic relationship working out, that when it does it, it chips away at their sense of self-worth. So how do you preserve your peace and your sense of self-worth in a world where you're constantly bombarded with these external harsh elements?
SPEAKER_01:So a part of me... says I have no idea and I'm working on this answer and I'm still trying to figure it out and I still have a lot to learn but the other part of me is even though it's hard do what you got to do if something is bothering you if someone is hurting your feet you may have to cut them off you may have to have a conversation with them and it's so hard to do what feels like it's gonna hurt like it's wrong like you don't want to do it but just standing up for yourself is the most important thing you can do being self-aware and developing finding a way to make yourself a strong person it is so challenging and it takes years and years of work because it's not something that just happens overnight it's not something that happens after one conversation It's something you need to work on for years and years. So as someone who's still 16 and I'm still in high school, I'm still trying to figure this out. I don't quite know, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I think you are well on your way to figuring it out. And you're doing a great job. Most teenagers lose sight of gratitude. And I think that's been one of the keys to you developing the grit and the resilience that is required as you go through life and in pursuit of your goals and dreams. And I love that you recognize that in every challenge is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to empower yourself for the future. So good for you for that. Yeah, thank you. I may be biased, but I am biased as a matter of fact, but I am so proud to call you my niece. And I really thank you for spending some time with me. And I hope that if there's a teenage girl listening to this, she finds some value and some inspiration in the words you shared with us. So thank you for being here today. Yeah, thank
SPEAKER_01:you for having me.
UNKNOWN:Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:you for spending time with me today if you enjoyed this content please make sure you subscribe to this podcast and leave a quick review to help us share the message