Same Year, Different Faces: How to Stop Repeating the Cycles That Are Costing You Everything

Let me ask you something before you press play.

How many times have you started over — new year, new relationship, new job — full of hope and full of intention — only to look up months later standing in the exact same place with a different set of faces around you?

If that question just hit you somewhere deep — this episode was made for you.

In Episode 34 of the Soultribe Podcast, Aunty Charmaine sits down solo and gets brutally honest about the one thing most people refuse to admit — the pattern is not them. It is you. And until you are willing to look at what you have been carrying into every room, every relationship, and every opportunity — the cycle will keep repeating itself no matter how many times you try to start over.

This is not a comfortable episode. It is not meant to be. It is meant to be the conversation that finally breaks the loop.

What you will walk away with: — The ability to recognize a cycle from the inside before it costs you another year — Why your spiritual practice is the mirror you cannot avoid — The moment Aunty Charmaine realized she was the pattern — and what happened next — One daily practice that interrupts the cycle before it repeats

The pattern does not change until you do. And this episode is where the change begins.

Connect with Aunty Charmaine and the Soultribe: Website: soultribe.media Shop sacred tools: beadsandpotions.com Use code SOULFAM for 20% off Follow us on TikTok and Instagram: @soultribemedia Join the Soultribe Patreon for exclusive content and free virtual classes

This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for matters related to your health and wellbeing.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Peace and love, Soul Tribe. It's Auntie here. So we all know what it feels like if we're going through a phase that I call Groundhog's Day. It's almost like every day we wake up and it's the same experience over and over again. It almost feels like a different face, different name, same situation. And I had to recognize at some point in my life, guess what? The only one that's around, and the only one that is the equalizer and equal denominator in all of this is me. So we're gonna talk about it today, y'all. Today at Soul Tribe Podcast, we are talking about same year, different phases, how to stop repeating that cycle that is costing you everything. Soul Tribe, let me ask you something honestly. I need you to sit with this question before we go any further. How many times have you set aside this year and you said to yourself, This year is going to be different, and looked up six months later, standing in the same situation with a different cast of characters. I have been there, I have lived there long enough, and I can openly admit that I was the common denominator in every single one of these seasons where my life felt as though I was repeating the same thing but different phases. The pattern doesn't change until you do. So I recognize that my patterns of needing to jump in and help people was a big blessing for me, but was a huge lesson for me as well. So, Auntie, how can that be your blessing in your lesson? It's a blessing because I have a heart enough to want to help and assist others. It was lessons because I didn't understand the importance of having healthy boundaries around such kindness and around such care. In my head, I always thought that sacrifice meant that you love the person, you were willing to go above and beyond for that person, and you was willing to get in the trenches with that person. And to some degree, that is the whole point about sharing intimate relationships with others, whether it's with your children, your spouse, et cetera. But I realized that I was showing that kind of love, care, and kindness, but was being taken advantage of over and over and over again. So I couldn't understand whether it was for someone asking me, uh, because we're friends, can I have a free reading? Or if there was a family member who needed a candle service, or if there was a person in the family who may need someone to watch their children. All of these times you are of service and you're never seeing that you're being used because you're doing it from such a pure and honest place. I recognized as I got older that to give that kind of love from such a pure place requires me to have healthy boundaries in order to preserve that part of my life. So I stopped being the first one to jump up and raise my hand and say, oh, choose me, I'll do it. I made sure now that I am only doing what I am comfortable with and I am not doing any more than that. I recognize that I'm not in a competition with anyone, so I don't have to actually pine for the gold medal for the first place star. I recognize that there's a lot about healing that brings up old patterns because we are so busy engaging in the pattern that we don't even realize we're having it. So definitely understanding that these patterns of engagement that we have, whether it's smoking, whether it's drinking, anything that's in your life that is a thorn in your side, that is keeping you from obtaining the next level of emotional goals, personal goals, spiritual goals, mental goals, whatever that is that is that next level for you, that is the part where you have to really look at yourself and say, okay, what part am I playing in this that is causing me to have this experience time and time again? And it's just with a different face. Is it by chance that it's my energy? Is it by chance that it's because I have no boundaries that I am welcoming everyone in instead of screening the people that come into my life? All of these were things that I can only answer because it was me who was directly engaging in it. What is it that you can only answer that you're directly engaging in, that you can clearly tell that you've outgrown. That being said, fam, we're gonna go into the next part of this podcast. Because a lot of times we notice the patterns, we see it, we struggle with stopping them dead in our tracks. But what a cycle actually looks like from the inside, what does that look like? Here is the thing about a cycle: when you are living in it, you do not see the circle. You see straight lines everywhere. You think you are moving forward because the faces are different and the address is different. But if the feeling is the same and the outcome is the same, you are not moving forward. You are walking the same loop in a different direction. I want to help you name it before it costs you another year because I realized that was one of the things that I struggled with the hardest is naming that thing. So one of the things that I knew that was a huge stumbling block for me was the desire to not so much be needed, but to be seen as a helpful person. The ability to show, improve what I was made of, and then recognizing that it is in this desire to show who I really am instead of just embodying it and being it. That is what kept the cycle up because I kept looking for people who were going to come into my life and I was going to be of assistance and change their lives forever, not considering the fact that it is their life that requires change and I can only help assist. I can't fix you. I think that was one of my things when I named it. I wanted to be the fixer, the fixer of the issues, not realizing that being the fixer of the issues means that more issues will come. And a lot of times you'll embody someone else's challenges because you don't have clear and healthy boundaries. So that was one of the things that I feel like kept me in a cycle where I was constantly pick me, choose me, I can help you, I can see your problem clear as day, and literally could see the problem as clear as day, not realizing I may be able to see it, but I don't have to live it. Here, this is yours, and returning it back to people who it belonged to. A lot of times we don't realize that when we are healers, seekers, spiritual practitioners, spiritual mentors, when we walk a line of spiritual growth, we instantly, because we now know how to ride the bike, we want to help others and we want to ride the bike for the others, not realizing that it wasn't our bike to ride. So that was me telling my testimony of my shortcomings and how I've always wanted to be of service. One of the things that I recognized and realized that when you are a person of service, because you have those in life who take and you have those in life who give. When you are a natural giver, your job in life will bring up spiritual growth around healthy boundaries. Because when you are a natural giver, it's nothing to give your last. But normally, people who are natural givers struggle with giving to themselves. So I would definitely encourage you to look at the circle, the cycles of life that we're constantly engaging in and really see about some of the ways that we can avoid those challenges as we move forward. So, why spirituality can be a mirror that you cannot avoid? So remember, we just talked about how I was constantly in this phase of help me. Listen, I can help you. Listen, no worries, no problems, right? And in my quest to help others, was it shining a light, a mirror on why I wanted to be helpful? Now I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about the kind of spiritual practices that make you sit long enough to see yourself clearly. These were all spiritual works that I remembered that mirror showing me my true intent caused me to really tear down a lot of the why I do things and rip up the root of why I do things. And that came through my spiritual work. So one of the things that I did that required me to really see the mirror was slow down. Slow down my work, slow down my life, slow down every single part of me, and every morning before I really get my day going, I make it a point to sit in meditation every morning. I don't care how I'm feeling, I don't care what is on my agenda for the day. I wake up early enough to sit in contemplation because I recognize that it is in this contemplation where the communication is direct, it's forward, and it's received back in a way where I know what my next steps are. So taking time to sit still long enough to see what my day was clearly bringing, making sure I had spiritual practices that was not about feeling good, but it was about seeing the truth. So if circumstances and situations came up that showed where I was being stubborn, that showed where I was being unreasonable, that showed where I had no boundaries, instead of trying to avoid these lessons that came, I was the person who was like, okay, wait a minute, what is this trying to teach me? What is this trying to teach me? Because clearly this is happening over and over and over again. What is this and why am I having to experience it? Because, see, every cycle I've ever gone through taught me in the right now what my roots were. So, in the right now, what my roots were could look like I'm in a conversation with someone and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In that moment, I'll say to myself, okay, why am I feeling like this? What is it about this conversation, this person, and this experience that is making me feel uncomfortable? And I'll get quiet. I'll get extraordinarily quiet, even in the middle of a conversation with someone, because I've learned that you learn more about a person when you listen than when you talk. So, that being said, that was the root of it. The root of it always comes up when I'm quiet. What is it that you're experiencing, how and why you're experiencing it, and what is the root of it? And the root is in you, not your ex, not your boss, not your mama, in you. You'll find that a lot of the things that happen in your life when you adopt spiritual practices like grounding yourself to the earth, bare feet on the grass, or hugging a tree sounds incredible, but the negative ions that are in the ground and in the earth and in trees, they neutralize the positive ions in the body that we absorb from all of this technology. That brings a clear mind for sure. Definitely ingesting herbs that will bring that level of clarity, whether it is yarbamate, whether it's shoshandra berry to help with your nervous system. We actually have a tea at beadsinfotions.com, our metaphysical store, that sells that we create that sells the exact kind of tea that will be perfect for meditation. It's called Peace Be Still, and it literally calms the nervous system, settles the mind, and brings you back into balance and alignment. So sitting with a nice glass of tea and being able to look at the part you play in life will also help with this experience as well. Spirituality is how I learned to look at the root without the shame and pull it up without destroying myself in the process. A lot of times we can see the flaws in ourselves, it comes up with clarity, comes up with no problem, but we struggle with acknowledging how fucked up we can really be. Now, listen, y'all, I'm raising my hand, okay? This is this is a me and you, me and you thing. This is a you and I auntie thing. Like literally, I'm raising my hand. It was so hard for me at times to recognize my flaws that it really prolonged my spiritual journey because I had to accommodate for what I was fully ignoring. So now that we recognize the root in the cause, and now that we've gotten to a place where we know the importance of sitting still, the moment I realized I was in the pattern, I want to tell you about a specific season in my life when I finally had to stop pointing at everyone else. And I had to look at what I was carrying into every room, into every relationship, into every opportunity. So the moment I came to an understanding that I was the issue was when I was helping out a family friend. And I took on this person like a family member, made sure that this person was fine, gave them a job, did everything I could to help that person. And one day I recognized that carrying this person was too heavy for me. It was just too heavy for me. It was one local drama after the other after the other. There was always things being done in the background that felt as though it was never going to be resolved. And I started embodying this person's problems. When I tell you, started to embody this person's problems to the point where I was experiencing the things that they were going through without actually going through it. I recognized in that moment that I had let this person get way too close to me. I also recognized that in that moment it was the root of me always wanting to come and fix people's problems that caused this from the beginning. And then recognizing how freeing it was when I said, Yeah, this is not my table. This is not my problem to fix, and I don't intend on fixing it. It was one of the most freeing times I could remember in a very long time because it was the moment when I chose myself. It was the moment when I chose to be happy, to live happily, and not to allow other people's problems to become my own. So it's something about experiencing life from a place where you recognize that you need to choose you in order for people to choose you as well. So what actually takes, what it actually takes to break the cycle starting right now. So I'm not sending you home with a feeling, I'm sending you home with a practice. So what are some of the things that I can give you? Number one, be mindful of what you absorb. When you understand that your spiritual practices requires you to have a discipline, be mindful of the things you ingest on the internet, the things that you ingest on television, if you watch that, on your phone, on your tablet. It doesn't really matter, the avenue. Be mindful of what you absorb because you'll find that what you lend an ear to will start to multiply in your actual life because you are literally subconsciously bringing that outside inside. Also, do practices that would really ground you. So, say for instance, if you're not a tree hugger, you're not a go outside, touch your feet on the grass kind of a person. You may want to start wearing crystals that will ground you. Three crystals that will ground you instantly. Number one, lava stone. Lava stone will ground you instant. You also can use uh black obsidian. Black obsidian is an amazing crystal that will ground you but will protect you. Then you can also use tiger's eye. Tiger's eye is excellent for grounding you in your sacral, it's excellent for grounding you emotionally, and it is an excellent stone for grounding you mentally. So that way you can keep tunnel focused and keep things flowing. Also, making sure that one of the ways that you can keep from cycles coming again and again, name it. The moment you recognize a pattern in your life that is not feeding you, name it. Say it out loud, write it in a journal, get it out from being within. Because the moment you can recognize it, the moment you can change it. Also, make sure you are mindful of the habits that is the root cause of the experiences that you're having over and over again. Because cycles only happen when the same situations are repeated. So you have to actively participate inside of these cycles. You break the cycle when you stop participating. You stop participating when you acknowledge it and then see the root of it, pull the root of it out and start over in a different direction. I had this conversation playing in my head, which was one of the reasons why I knew it would be perfect for you reap what you sow, which is this month's theme, because it is so important with all of these crazy things going on in the world. Soul Tribe, it is so important to stay grounded and rooted so we don't find ourselves catching our breath every moment something crazy happens. Every time something crazy happens and we react to it, we become a part of the cycle. The only way you can stop the cycle is when you stop playing the cycle's game. That is something I recognize and realize, and that is why I can appreciate it because now I'm mindful of the games I play. And I only play games that benefit me spiritually, emotionally, mentally for my highest good. I hope this conversation on the Soul Tribe podcast has filled you up and filled your cups, guys. Remember, you can always catch us at soultribe.media, where we are the amazing conscious-led content creators, where we have a variety of so much amazing content, whether it is written form, podcasts. We even have amazing uh conscious-led contributors, content contributors who also believe in this walk, believe in this lifestyle, and they are creating amazing work. So you can check out all of our wonderful content at soul tribe.media and then check us out at beadsandpotions.com. Your tool for all things spiritual growth. I'll check you out next time, y'all. I hope that you are filled to the brim. Peace and love, y'all. Hey, Soul Tribe! Welcome to Soul Tribe Media, where ancestral wisdom meets modern storytelling and every piece of content was created with you in mind. Join us monthly for a day in a life with Auntie, where she opens up the doors and brings you along for the highs and the lows and real moments of her spiritual journey. Every week, the OK Universe I Hear You blog meets you right where you are. Real talk, honest, real, and rooted. Read it and reflect on it. Subscribe to the Soul Tribe Podcast, dropping every week real conversations about spirituality, healing, purpose, and unfiltered work of becoming your highest self. Sign up for BMP Chronicles, our monthly newsletter that goes deeper than the feed ever could. This is where the real wisdom lives. Don't miss it. Pull up every week on TikTok for tea time with Auntie. Grab your cup, get comfortable, and get ready because we are getting into it. Every Sunday, Meet Auntie on YouTube for Soul Tribe Sunday, fresh off the trail, straight from the heart. 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