A Wake-Up Call: Don't Leave Your Legacy to Chance

A medical emergency with Jesse's mother reveals an unsettling truth: most families don't know each other's wishes for end-of-life care or who's authorized to make decisions when someone can't speak for themselves.

• Advanced directives allow you to make your own decisions in advance rather than burdening others with making them for you
• The designated power of attorney doesn't make decisions but ensures your documented wishes are carried out
• Everyone in the family should know what's in the directives to prevent conflict during crisis
• Documents should be regularly updated as your situation and wishes change over time
• Keep copies accessible—not just in safe deposit boxes or with attorneys
• Advanced directives differ from wills, focusing specifically on medical decisions
• Having these conversations brings relief once completed, even though they may be difficult to start
• The Farmer's Greatest Asset Workbook helps organize this information in one accessible place

Order The Farmer's Greatest Asset Workbook at farmersgreatesasset.com today to document your wishes and protect your legacy. Email us at farmersgreatestasset@gmail.com with questions or topics you'd like us to cover.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:16

the farmer's greatest asset podcast. We believe the farm's greatest asset is the farmer their knowledge, experience, mind and health. Well, welcome back to the podcast.

Speaker 2 0:40

I'm jesse and I'm dr le.

Speaker 1 0:43

Today, I guess let's introduce it, as we literally are talking about real life experiences.

Speaker 2 0:55

We usually are talking about real life experiences.

Speaker 1 0:57

That's kind of how we come up with our topics to talk about on the podcast and maybe it was another little slap in the face recently.

Speaker 2 1:06

Yeah Right, yes, things could have been much worse. My mother was in the emergency room on Monday and she is doing well, but it was a realization that we have some important conversations that need to be had soon.

Speaker 1 1:27

Well, a little context. Both of our parents are in their upper 70s.

Speaker 2 1:32

Both sets of parents, right. So when we were in the emergency room the neighbor they were talking about advanced directives with the neighbor and neighboring room, about advanced directives with the neighbor and neighboring room, and I asked my mom, who is your power of attorney, to make medical decisions. It wasn't the greatest time because she had, you know, bumped her head. And I said, you know, this isn't something we have to have figured out right now, but it's definitely a conversation that we need to be having. But it's definitely a conversation that we need to be having because she said, you know, I think it's you and your sister, and I was like, well, I have no idea what you want. First of all, she didn't really know if it was you or your sister or both, or yeah, she was like I have to look at the papers and see what we did.

Speaker 2 2:22

I was like okay, that's like okay.

Speaker 1 2:25

That's the first conversation. Let's figure out who it is.

Speaker 2 2:28

Right, right.

Speaker 1 2:31

And we're all guilty of it. I'm sure everybody out there like it's just one of those things you don't want to talk about and but it is a very important conversation to have. Right. So figure out who it is. Make that decision who it is. If it is you for your parents, I have no idea for my parents either. What do you want? Because if you are named as the power of attorney or just advanced medical directive person, advanced medical directive person, you need to know what their wishes are.

Speaker 2 3:13

Kind of a lay person. Thought is, whoever the power of attorney is, is the one who decides.

Speaker 1 3:16

But that's not actually what it's for the patient right.

Understanding Advanced Directives

Speaker 2 3:18

That is not actually how advanced advance directives work. Advance directives work because the individual puts down what they want and the power of attorney for medical decisions makes those things happen for that person. They are not making the decisions Not making the decision.

Speaker 2 3:43

It's just the individual is making the decision and just letting that person know what they want so their wishes can be followed through. When you have that conversation with the power of attorney, whoever's going to be following through on the individual's wishes it is not the weight of the world put on their shoulders, because the individual has made the decision. That actual power of attorney is not making the decision.

Speaker 1 4:17

So therefore, the person in the power of attorney need to have the conversation so everybody knows what's going on.

Speaker 2 4:26

So it's very clear, like step-by-step, it's very clear.

Speaker 1 4:29

Also to me. You should have the conversation, our parents should have the conversation with whoever the power of eternity is, and then the other children.

Speaker 2 4:38

So then, the other children is aware.

Speaker 1 4:41

Right. Then the other children can't say well, that's not what mom would have wanted.

Speaker 2 4:46

Everybody needs to know, and it's a little silly to me that we don't have these conversations. Well, you know, upcoming mortality is hard. So you and I having conversations with our children at this point in our lives, like it's kind of always thought in the future and in the future, so it's a little bit easier. But I think as you get closer, you know, as your age increases and you get closer to that mortality standpoint, those conversations get harder because you're having to deal with your own mortality, whether you're comfortable or not. It becomes an uncomfortable conversation.

Facing Mortality and Having Hard Conversations

Speaker 2 5:29

Sure, because either you don't want to face it as the person who is coming closer to the end of their life or you don't want to have to have that conversation with your kids because it can be, you know, a difficult thing, it can be very emotional. But the one thing that you definitely want to remember is that these are your wishes that are being carried out for you. If you want to make it easier on your children, if they're your power of attorney, it is easier if everyone is aware and then they are making decisions. That's what you want to take away the decisions. You want it to be step-by-step, very clear on what you want so they don't have the stress of making the decisions because they don't know what you want. I told my parents yesterday you know my mom's still not feeling great, but I said we're having this conversation next week. We're going to have this conversation with your parents next week because, as we have learned through your accident, you never know when you're going to have to know those things.

Speaker 1 6:47

Yeah, Everybody's clock is ticking, some quicker than others, and maybe that's a bad analogy, but that's what I've been saying. But we also have friends that you know lost a child in a car accident and they said the same thing enjoy it right now, Cause you never know what could happen. And it's hard to have those conversations, whether you are in your 40s and 50s and have that conversation with your parent, or even you know 75, 78. It's a hard conversation either way and you're 100,000% correct that when you're older and you're facing that mortality, you don't want to have the conversation. But we've learned the hard way and that's why we have started this whole project and wrote the book and it's time to have the conversation.

Speaker 2 7:44

Another thing that's very important for you know, if you have elderly parents, or if you are the oldest generation within your farming practice or within your family, make sure that you are revisiting what you want at least every five years, right? So what you and I want right now at this point in our lives is going to be a lot different than what we want when we're 85, right.

Speaker 1 8:15

Our medical condition may change between now and then. Right.

Speaker 2 8:18

There are lots of changes that happen and you have different things that you know when you've lived your life. There are things that just things just change as you get older. You know, like, we have kids at home we have got to take care of, so, yeah, we're going to be fighting our asses off to stay here, right, that can change as you get older.

Speaker 1 8:42

And it will, it does.

Speaker 2 8:44

So make sure you're revisiting that. So I think you know, when I was talking with my parents about it yesterday, they were like well, you know, we got to find that paper and see what it says, and I think we did that like 10 years ago, which to me means they probably did it 25 years ago, because all that time flies right. So a lot can change in that amount of time and things have to be updated. And they started talking about the will. I was like the will is completely different.

Speaker 1 9:11

It's a whole nother story.

Speaker 2 9:11

So the will is can be very difficult. So the most important thing to really know when it comes to medical decisions is it really is different than the will. Right Advanced directives is different than your will and ironing out the will. Right Advanced directives is different than your will and ironing out the will can take a lot more time, but getting your medical affairs in order is very important at any point in your life, especially if you have children and especially if you're getting closer to the end of your life.

Speaker 1 9:43

It really doesn't matter at any. At any point in your life you should have the discussion with your spouse and whoever you name. Is that power of attorney right? You know you could be 29 and have a child and that is the last time you ever think about having to do those decisions. But you just never know.

Keeping Documents Accessible

Speaker 2 10:04

You and I need to sit down and have this conversation as well. I think you know. I think we're on the same page, where we would want to be, and we have open conversations about this, but we haven't talked about specifics. So it's important to sit down and have these difficult conversations and then, once you start that, you never know what's going to come up Like. Estate planning is, then, a very important thing to get set up, because the farming population is aging and a lot of the farmers do not have estate plans set up, and if that is your parents, or if that is you, I would highly recommend sit down and start thinking about what you want with your property and equipment and all of the things, how you want it, not how it's going to make everybody else happy, I would say.

Speaker 1 11:01

Also that you need to have a conversation with everybody involved.

Speaker 2 11:05

Yes.

Speaker 1 11:06

And it's hard to have those conversations, but I think we're mostly afraid of bringing it up. And then, once you start to have the conversation, and then you the conversation's over, you're going to be relieved, like, okay, that is a relief, I feel better. Now. We, we have a direction. Everybody knows. I understand that it's hard to have the conversation, but it's going to be a relief after you have the conversation, because it's better for everybody to know ahead of time rather than all of a sudden something happened and then here it's like okay, well, who is the power of attorney and what did mom and dad want?

Speaker 2 11:47

Another thing is, once you have your advanced directives done, have it drawn up, have it done, and you can get online and find there are forms that you can fill out online. They will go step by step through the questions of what you want done, what you do not want done. So fill that out, go over that with whoever is going to be the one that fulfills those requests for you.

Speaker 1 12:14

There's also a book out there called the Farmer's Greatest Asset Workbook. So you were saying, get online and find the forms and get the advanced directives filled out.

Speaker 2 12:28

And get them to. I don't even think you have to go to an attorney, like. You just need to have the forms filled out, take them and have a copy at your local hospital, so like where you would usually go to an emergency room.

Speaker 1 12:45

Do you really have to have a copy there?

Speaker 2 12:48

Well, if, like, if you go and have that there, then they have a copy of it and it can go on to wherever. So, for instance, I I'll use my parents as an example right now they don't know where theirs are. I said, is there a copy at the hospital? And they're like no, I don't think we ever did that. They're like I think it might be in our safe deposit box at the bank.

Speaker 1 13:12

And I was like well, how do we get into the safe deposit box?

Speaker 2 13:16

Exactly, exactly, and for that you need the farmer's greatest asset workbook. You can have those things drawn up, but if they are readily accessible to the people who are going to need them in case of emergency and having them at the hospital in your file is of benefit, because then somebody, then they have a copy there, because when something happens in the middle of the night, if it's at your attorney's office, if there's a copy at your attorney's office, like what it does, no good for the night if it's at your attorney's office.

Speaker 1 13:54

If there's a copy at your attorney's office like what it does, no good for anybody, and or if it's sitting in a safe deposit box at the bank right at midnight, it does you no good, right? So it's good to have a safe copy, but everybody needs to know what that that piece of paper says.

Speaker 2 14:09

And then, if it's, Especially everybody involved in that.

Speaker 1 14:12

Right.

Speaker 2 14:13

Yes, once my mom is feeling better, we are definitely having this conversation Like we're finding it and we're all going to sit down and if it's my sister and I, it will be my mom and dad sitting down going over all of it, and I don't want to have to be the one making the decision.

Speaker 1 14:31

Well, that's why you have the conversation, so you don't have to make the decision, because you're there to just carry out their wishes what they wanted, right Go out there and get the process started Like do not wait. It's also part of the book, Like we kind of touch on all these things right. We don't have an exact form for you to fill out all of your advanced directives, medical directives, but we touch on it and say here's a spot for you to start right, write it down.

Speaker 2 15:03

You know that's the point of the book as well, and where you keep it right because you know if you and your significant, your, you and your spouse are out and something happens to both of you and you've talked to your kids about it but they're not sure where your copy is, they can go to the book and be like, oh in here it says they keep their copy in this spot and you can't put that in a safe unless you give them the combination to the safe.

Speaker 2 15:32

There needs to be a place where you keep a copy of all of this information, like, if you want to tuck it into the book, tuck it into the book on the shelf. So make sure that it is readily accessible. Like your, your advanced directives and your will should be readily accessible that somebody can go to a spot and have it. But definitely your advanced directives and your will should be readily accessible that somebody can go to a spot and have it. But definitely your advanced directives. Like your attorney can have your a copy of your will, but your advanced directives like having it in your medical record at the hospital is a good idea.

The Value of the Workbook

Speaker 1 16:04

Right, and that's, you could literally write it down on a piece of paper. Piece of paper. It doesn't have to be a legal document. Some lawyers are going to tell you, well, it's got to be approved by a lawyer, well, if everybody has seen the paper, everybody has talked about it, maybe you should sign it. So everybody has signed the piece of paper.

Speaker 2 16:25

I think you have to sign it for it to be a legal binding document.

Speaker 1 16:29

That's my point. If everybody's sitting down, if it's you and your sister and your parents, you all sit down, you talk about it. You know exactly what they want. It's written on a piece of paper and all four of you sign it. It's maybe not notarized, but it's.

Speaker 2 16:47

Well, only that person has to sign it, but to carry it out out, it would be good for it to be reviewed with everyone and and everybody in the family. Then you don't have all of this sibling drama on what mom might not have wanted or might have wanted and oh so-and-so's, just doing this and creating all of that animosity. So have the conversations.

Speaker 1 17:17

Luckily it was nothing that was life-threatening for your mom, but it was just a little bit of a slap in the face like we had. I mean, my injury was severe.

Speaker 2 17:27

We had a much bigger slap in the face. But when your mom called, thank God, I could see it on your face.

Speaker 1 17:35

It was.

Speaker 2 17:36

We got to go.

Speaker 1 17:37

Well, I could see the concern on your face and you wanted me to go with you. Maybe not PTSD, but I mean I could see Throwback a little bit, see how you felt.

Speaker 2 17:50

Absolutely yeah. Being in the ER where you were was not the greatest experience.

Speaker 1 17:58

Funny enough, I saw my Facebook post from two years ago when I had blood clots.

Speaker 1 18:06

That was a week ago-ish that was a week ago-ish, so two years ago I made just on my personal Facebook page, took a picture of the front door of the University of Iowa hospitals as we were leaving when I had blood clots and I basically said you never know, Enjoy every minute that you can, because life is too short. Hug your kids, tell them you love them. So the reminders are constantly there for me that these are the things we need to deal with and have the conversation.

Speaker 2 18:46

So get out there and buy the workbook. This is just a little piece of that big puzzle of what your farming operation is, and it is a very inexpensive insurance policy on protecting your legacy, just putting it all on paper. So the first thing you need to do is order the workbook. So the first thing you need to do is order the workbook. The next thing you need to do is sit down and start working on the workbook. All right, go to the farmers greatest assetcom and order the workbook today it's a simple little thing you can do.

Speaker 1 19:27

That's maybe hard to sit down, but again, it's like having that conversation and once you do it, I promise you there'll be. There'll be some relief at the end of it, like a weight taken off, just knowing that things will be taken care of the way you want them to be taken care of and that someone else has the knowledge right from your experience on that note yeah, thanks for listening.

Speaker 2 19:55

As always, go out and find us on all of the socials at farmer's greatest asset make sure to like and follow us and share our podcast, share our, our posts, so we can reach more people. We would love to hear more of what you want to hear. Email us at farmersgreatestasset at gmailcom, and if you need help finding the form or like questions to go through with your family members, just DM me, text me, we'll sit down and we'll get it figured out for you.

Speaker 1 20:36

Yeah, it's a good day.

Speaker 2 20:39

Have a great day, bye.