Jennifer Brackenridge Gives Her Heartfelt Testimony

My Mom shares her very real and raw testimony and how Jesus was there for her at her lowest. 

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Gather around God's and move them all over town. Good news, gossip, spreading hope and life. Good news, gossip, making, dark day. Every testimony, every story. True God's do. Welcome back to another episode of Good News Gossip, where real stories bring hope. Remind us that God is still in the business of redemption. Today's episode is especially close to my heart because our guest is someone very dear to me, my mom. She's here to share her powerful emotional testimony, a story marked by deep pain, but also incredible healing. She'll be opening up about her journey through abuse, addiction, and brokenness, and how through it all, God never let her go. Her story is one of raw honesty, transformation, and the redeeming love of Jesus Christ. This is more than just a testimony. It is a reminder that no matter how dark it gets, God is still writing beautiful stories out of the ashes. So grab a tissue and settle in because this won't be a conversation you want to miss. Do we have a box of tissues? We have tissues. Okay? We do. This will be emotional. I have been up and down all morning knowing that we are gonna talk to my mom Well, before I do this, we'll pray'cause I know you're feeling anxious and my heart rate's like, Lord, we just come to you with just humility and just for a heart for you, Lord. And we just pray that you give us the words to speak and just allow for. This testimony to really get to the nature of you, Lord. And just to show what you've done in my mom's life and mine too, because I wouldn't be here without her Lord. I just pray that you give her the strength and clear away her anxiety and just allow her to just talk about you, Lord. You name I pray ma'am. Oh, amen. Amen. Okay. So we don't really have like a, routine for how we start things, but the whole heart of the podcast is just to spread the good news about what God has done. So my first question is, what's the best? Thing you know, that God has done for you, giving me you and your brother. Like I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, you are the very reason that I'm still alive today. That's, that's something that you've always told us our whole life. Yeah. And it's you, you make me be the best me that I can possibly be. You specifically because I'm the favorite. Well, don't tell your brother, but. I'm just kidding. Christian, if you listen, I used to say that to all of'em. It's like, I'd say, Felicia, you're my favorite, but don't tell your brother. Mm-hmm. I go her brother and be like, Christian, you're my favorite. But don't tell your sister. I think that's a mom thing. None of them know who's the favorite. Well, let's start at the beginning of your, your life, which. It wasn't easy the beginning of your life, No, no. I am one of four children. the product of a, divorced household. my mother was always, how do you say? Busy. she had her own life of alcoholism that. Bled over into my life, my sister's lives, as adults. I was the one that got my brother and sisters up for school, being the third born. typically they take on a lot of the pressures that the parent has and, I've learned this through therapy in my life because I have been in therapy several times. I love therapy. it works. I was my mother's right hand person and I, I dunno where to start with that. my mother and I have a good relationship today. It has been rocky through the years, but as adults we work on being there for one another. it can be very difficult. I know that the Lord leads me to be close to her for reasons that he has not revealed yet. So I just wanna interject for a second because we gotta give granny some context.'cause I love her. I love her. She is so faith filled and she is, she's my prayer warrior. She is a prayer warrior, but she has, I feel like she's gotten to that point because of all the. Demons she's had to face. Absolutely. And what I don't, don't hold against her, but also realize that that's made you and your siblings who y'all are today, We've had many, many, many conversations about it. We have, come to terms with it. We're not, we don't hold resentment toward one another because of that today. I love her. She's my mother. And every single day I try and get closer and closer to her through God, because I can call her up and say, Hey mom, you wanna go to church with me this weekend? And she's like, yeah, what time do I need to be there? And she's there. let's say this, and I tell her this all the time, as much as. the neglectful mother that she feels she was, she has been present in my children's lives, my grandchildren's lives, and she has been an amazing granny and great granny since day one, since the birth of her first 33 years ago. She has not missed a ball game that she couldn't be there for. She's not missed a choir concert, a dance recital. She's been present so. Yeah, let's give her that glory she has. Did she come to Lo the Lord? like beforehand or after it? She's always had a really close walk in her own way with the Lord. she's been the strongest prayer warrior in my family that I can think of, as you know, above my grandmother, above my grandfather. Yeah, I think it's because of my nana, which is my granny's mom. Just a little side story, but she made a deal with God that she would not cut her hair at all if he would heal her daughter, So that was 57, 58 years ago. Mm-hmm. She has not had a pair of scissors to her hair today. Yeah. And they thought that my Aunt Desiree had leukemia when she was a baby. And my grandma said, if you heal this child, I promise I will not cut my hair. I can just remember brushing my grandma's hair and thinking, I know why she didn't cut her hair. Mm-hmm. and that was a very special. Connection that I shared with my grandmother. but yeah, that's my, my great grandmama has kind of been the backbone, I feel like on the faith that we have in our family. She's a really, she's a beacon for. Like forgiveness and love helps. Yeah. When you have like someone to look up to that's praying for you. Yeah. That's been an example for you. It definitely helps you like, okay, well, you know, it helps you know the Lord. Even better if they're showing the Lord's love. Oh yeah. And that, that is like, she didn't go to church, but you knew church was in her. Yeah. She'd be in the kitchen and she'd be humming hymns and cooking and, and I kind of find myself doing that today and going. Hmm. gonna miss her when we don't have her anymore for sure. not yet. I'm not gonna cry yet. So, as it's getting back to granny Yeah. As a teenager, my mom and I had a very rocky relationship. I wanted my way of doing things. I was 14 and I hadn't lived at home. I had lived with my best friend, who I'm still best friends with today. We still talk just about every day. That put a wedge a little bit in my relationship with my mother and my grandmother.'cause my grandmother thought I should be living at home with her, which we did a lot. we'd live in a house and the utilities would get cut off and we'd always be back at grandma's because grandma was our stability, grandpa was our stability. in 1993. My older sister got married at 16, maybe she might have been 17. my mom had signed for her to get married, I turned 16 the following year went to work got a car had a job and a car, and I was working full time and still going to school, and then I fell in love. I had to get married. I mean, just had to do it'cause I was independent and so I wasn't, I wasn't pregnant, but I had to do it because that's just who I was. So got married and I went to my mom and I said, I either wanna join the National Guard or I'm gonna get married. And she said, well, you're not joining the National Guard, so you proved to me you can live on your own for a year and I'll sign for you to get married. And I proved to her, proved it to her. So. 1994, I married Felicia and Christian's father, who was gonna be the love of my life, and it didn't turn out that way. But after five or six years into our marriage, I just had this spidey sense, you know, they always say God gives you a gut for a reason and you should listen to it'cause it's really your, spirit of discernment. And I felt like I had a very strong spirit of discernment and I confronted their dad one day with some things that I had been hearing and observing and he confessed to his infidelity with both of my sisters. And, that was really hard to take. I was crippled in life at that time, and I don't mean to speak ill of my ex-husband. I don't mean to speak ill of my children's father or my sisters because I have forgiven them. It took a long, long time for me to be able to face them. But that's where I got saved and baptized at 27, and that's where I started my deep walk with the understanding of the love of God. Because if it had not been for the Lord, I would not be here today. Praise God. I'm glad you're here. What a legacy. I really don't want to cause anybody harm by my testimony, but like I told Felicia, my testimony is, thank you. It's mine and it's because of others that I have it. And so I, I can kind of thank them for that infidelity and that, just the life that they were walking and I wasn't walking the same path they were, you know, addicts and alcoholics and just doing addicts and alcoholic behavior. And I hated the drug use. I hated it so much, and that caused so many fights and physical abuse, and I wanted to protect Felicia and Christian from those things. my ex-husband and I got really deep into the church in our neighborhood. We both were baptized and saved on the same night to start a clean walk with the Lord. And I know then that God whispered to me and said, because I begged God every night, why? Why, why? And God said, it's not you. It is not you at all. And I heard that just so clear, and I, at that moment began to get closer to God in scripture and in prayer and devotion. And every day I would wake up and pray. And every moment that I was feeling weak, I would pray and my. Walk then became the greatest thing in my life. you know, aside from my kids, because I was living for them at that moment and what they needed and trying to deflect what was going on around them with the, the tears and the heartache and the pain. And if anybody's ever suffered infidelity in their marriage, you know, they know that it is the hardest thing you can overcome. When you love somebody and they betray you like that, and I swore to myself, it's never gonna happen to me again. I cannot be that deep into depression and loneliness and despair ever again, because that's where I was. I was lost. I had lost like 50 pounds I, when I would sleep, I would just have horrible dreams of. Casting out the devil and praying to God, you know, you know, I'm a child of God and get thee behind me, Satan, I would wake up just repeating that in my head and it would calm me down. Amen. eventually their father and I were just not able to see the same marriage that we felt like we had with each other and we divorced. And that was in 2006. And the kids and I, my grandma said to me, it was actually at Christmas in 2005, I had graduated college for the second time. So I now had my associates and my bachelor's of science and and I'm a high school dropout. I got my GED in 1996 and I was not going to be a product of my environment or society or a statistic, and I wanted my children to be proud of who their mother was. And so I went to college and then decided that degree wasn't what I wanted to do and so I went to college again and it was the second time in college that I went through all of that with my first husband. In Christmas Eve 2005, I remember it so clear, we were at my mother's in Penguin. She had just lost her husband to cancer and she wanted to do Christmas at her house that year. And he passed away on October of that year. And so we decided we were gonna do Christmas at her house. My husband, the kids' father and I had gotten into some sort of disagreement or argument or something, or he was sick and he was in my mom's bed and there was, a big fight and my grandma standing there on the porch with me, said to me, you promised me when you graduated college this time that you were going to leave him. The very next week, my little sister and I were loading up a U-Haul truck. In Conway, Arkansas, and we brought the kids and myself home to my mother's because those words that my grandma said, I made that promise to her. I could now support my children. I had a job, a teaching job, and, I could do the things for my kids that I needed to do. Well, turns out my teaching job was in Bigelow, Arkansas, which is an hour and a half from P Burn Arkansas. So every morning. The kids and I would get up at five 30. We'd leave the house at six. We would be in big, I'd drop them off at school in Conway because they wanted to finish the semester out in their schools. They were in the fourth and fifth grade at that time. And, I would, go teach from seven 30 to three 30. I'd pick them up from Boys and Girls Club after school, and we would make that hour and a half drive home back to my mom's in pen, well, in April. a dear family member, aunt Denise, hooked. Got me and the children a place to live in Cy. So we moved outta my mother's home and into our own place in Cy. And you know, we struggled. We struggled. we didn't have money really. but I was working for Aunt Denise. And, which is where Felicia met Clayton's dad. So, we knew Clayton's dad from the time he was eight years old until, I mean, even today. He's a, he's a wonderful father. I cannot thank the. Good Lord enough for the blessings he's brought to our lives because it was rocky for a while. But you know, we got, we got to where we are today because of forgiveness and faith. So we all have a good relationship. We love Clayton's. Just being able to co-parent and be stable and want what's best for the kid. That says a lot. Yes. And I did that. That was my, we are gonna circle back here to my childhood. My childhood was not a good one. My parents divorced when I was like 18 months old. And so we bounced back and forth from visiting my dad in Florida and visiting my dad at my grandparents in Illinois, during the summers. And that was the relationship we had. Aside from that, my dad did come to my wedding when I married Felicia's father. And, I have a lot of heartache from that today because he was there and I didn't ask him to give me away. I asked my grandfather to give me away, but I don't really have any regret because my grandfather was the one that was there. He was the one that was present. He was the one that put food on the table and put a roof over our head. So I don't have regret in that aspect. I have a heartache for my dad because I feel like. If I had asked him, he'd have done it in a heartbeat today. My dad and I have a very complicated relationship, but I am working to make that communication line a little more consistent. I love you, dad. If you hear this, I just wanna let you know I'm very proud of you for your accomplishments. He's a software engineer and spent 20 years in the Air Force, I do love my dad for the things that he's done. I know he made some sacrifices that he had to make and I understand that today as a child, I did not understand that. My childhood It was filled with sexual abuse, not by family members, but by strangers that lived across the street or down the road it started, I can remember at the age of eight my stepbrother sexually abusing me. but I just thought, you know, that's, I guess that's just the way the world was. It didn't ever occur to me to go to my mother and say, this happened to me. She knows today. She didn't know then. my stepdad was horribly abusive to her. He nearly killed her, so she left him at that moment. I did not want my children to not know their father. I was not going to be that parent that kept them away from him. I made them go to his house sometimes against their will, but I made'em go and to know the history and to know the story. I have to actually share this very private family moment because the year I divorced their father. My little sister married his little brother, so it kept our families intertwined every holiday. Their father was more than welcome to come to holidays. He was more than welcome to come to birthdays. He was more than welcome to, join us in whatever we were doing. And he did a lot of the times. I never, ever excluded Phil from anything because of the relationship that I had had with my dad. I did not want that for my children, and I made it very clear early on, I don't care if you pay me child support, I don't care if you don't show up for this, but I want you to be in their life. And he tried his very best to do that. But addiction does really awful things to families and that's not my testimony, so I won't go into that. But I will say that is the reason why he and I are not together. So me and the kids, we moved to Cy, like I said. and, April of 2006. I married my little junior high sweetheart. had this major crush on him from the time I was 12. We did seven years together with four kids raising them. the kids were truly affected by that marriage. And when we separated, I lost all control of my mind, my heart. I was completely shattered, devastated. I was not living my life. Right. I was partying, I was clubbing, I was, my kids were grown. I had a grandson in my home and I could not get my life together. And then one night my son stopped me in the hallway and he said, I have lost all respect for you as a mother. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And I said, wow. What am I doing? What am I doing in my life that very month? A young man that I used to work with at McDonald's when I was 16, 17, 18 years old, popped up on Facebook, and so I, you know, sent him a message. I'm like, Hey, when are you gonna take me hunting? That was you slid into his dms? I slid into his dms. I mean, oh, snap. Oh my gosh. I proposed to him. Oh my gosh. so, that was November of 2014, right before Thanksgiving, actually, I think it was the day of Thanksgiving. He's, and he just messaged me back. He's like, when do you wanna go? I said, Hey, here's my phone number. So we started talking. We went out Black Friday night. We had Thanksgiving. The very next day we're on our first date. And I would like to say the rest is history, but. in 2014, I still was living between do I work on my marriage or do I let this go and go with this guy over here? And yes, I struggled. I struggled and struggled and struggled, and Brian and I were in a relationship and my ex-husband just kept popping up here and there. One night after my kids had met Brian, my adult children had met Brian. They both had graduated high school. At this point, The ex-husband came to the house thinking, oh, you know, this is gonna be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. We won't go into that. And Felicia pulls him into our, little garage apartment that we had built for her, and Clayton and I basically told him, look, stop showing up here. My mom has, met this guy and I could call this guy dad. I never could call you dad. He was always Jason, but seven years. That night, I was like, I'm so sick of this like, my mom just needs better. And I knew Brian was it. I knew he had a good, he had a bond with him. Yeah. Because of that first time I saw him first, literally first time I laid eyes, I was like, okay. So she tells my ex-husband. You're not it. Please go away. Sorry, Jason. Sorry, not sorry if you hear this. Sorry, I not, sorry. so that was the point where I said, and I remember this clear and plain and it was almost the time of day. I can remember I was about to go to bed and something in my heart. Said, God let him go or bring him home, but I can't do this anymore. The next morning I woke up and I was just, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian. Like, I could not stop thinking about him. And I had hurt him. You know, I had really devastated him. And so I called him up and I'm like, Hey, what are you doing? Let's get together. And from that moment on, we were inseparable. And that was about February of 2015. And then in April we were on the back of our motorcycle coming back from a long motorcycle ride with our friends. Now, let me just preface this by saying this man went to church the first night. He stayed at my house, we slept in the living room on a blow up mattress, and he got up and went to church and I thought, what am I doing with my life? Like I'm not. I should be going to church with him because I feel like this is it. I should be by his side in church. But I didn't get up and I didn't go to church that, that morning. Then I knew that God was, had answered my prayers because in April, on the back of a motorcycle all day long, I was just nervous'cause I knew I was gonna ask him and he said. I sure will ask him. What you, go ahead. Oh, ask him. You know, would you, would you marry me? Mm. He was like, sure will. And he tapped my leg'cause he was driving a motorcycle. And that was April 23rd, 2014. And we were married May 19th. I'm sorry, that was April 23rd, 2015. And we were married May 29th, 2015. So I remembered our anniversary, honey, I always forget. Just kidding. we were going to church. I won't say where, but we had been attending church and then for some reason we just stopped going. I can't remember why, but he always got up and he read his Bible Every morning he would read his Bible and he would do a devotion. And so we got to a point in our marriage where it was a few years in early on. Where there were some things that caused us some serious heartaches, things we had done to each other, and I, I don't know how to talk about that. I don't, you don't have to. Okay. It brought us closer to the Lord. I remember conversations that we would have, you know, get this devil, get this devil out of our home. I, I can't go through this heartache again. I can't, I won't. But he had filed for divorce. and then the day I was served with papers, he saw the pain in my heart and in my face. For what we were going through as a couple. And he canceled. He, he stopped the divorce, he withdrew it. And that April, that Easter Sunday, we sat down and he said, now we had been living, he had lived in a different room for about 90 days in our home, just so that he could. File for the divorce, you know? and it was hard. It was hard to see him every day and know that I loved him, and I knew he loved me. He was just lost. We were both lost. And so we started doing devotion together every morning and praying together every morning and just being one with the Lord together in growing our marriage in goodness and faith and, Because of that, he and I were able to overcome the transgressions we had caused each other. I take marriage very seriously. Very seriously. I have always taken it very seriously and it was very hard for me in both of my divorces. And then I was here at this crossroad and it was about to happen again, and I was just. Working, I was working as a social worker at the time and, trying to do my due diligence with my job because I loved my job and I was amazing at it, and it was what I'd always wanted to do. It just felt like I was at home and at peace with it. I just got to where I couldn't do it anymore physically because my body was not able to allow me to do the functions that I had to do. So it's 2019. I've discovered some things in my marriage that I thought would never happen, and they happened. And from that moment on, he and I have been nothing but devoted to each other and it's hard some days, but we get through it with prayer. we do attend church as we can we are in a situation where we could use a lot of prayer. My father-in-law is very ill and in a rehab right now, and my mother-in-law is staying with us and she has late stage dementia and every day is a different day, but we're getting through it with the grace of God. Because my in-laws have always had a solid walk with God. They have attended the same church for 47 years. No matter what preacher was there, no matter what. Children's church was going on. They faithfully attended this church, and so two years ago, Brian and I said, we don't really have a home church. We'd been looking for one. We had attended church, but the church we were attending at the time was also during the time of the things that were happening in our marriage. So we decided we'll just look for a church. And we bounced around a couple little churches here and there. You know, we'd go here, go there. But, I can feel the spirit of the Lord where we go. I get, I cry every surface. we pray every night with my in-laws. my father-in-law is pre terminal with cancer. He had a year and a half of chemo and radiation, and now he's not able to transfer himself and they're trying to strengthen him. he is such a godly man, such a deserving man, and I am so proud and honored to be his daughter-in-law because he has raised some fine men in this world through church. Through God, we are where we are today. My husband is an amazing Pappy. He's an amazing husband. He is an amazing father. He's an amazing son. And because of him, I look at him every day and I thank God that I am where I am today because of that. All of the heartache, all of the pain, all of the abuse, all of the sexual abuse, all of the neglect as a child. It is okay today because of him, because of God, y'all What I wanna say is that y'all's marriage, the enemy naturally hates marriage. It's I just wanna say, y'all just keep. Pursuing the Lord that is going to be the best defense against and a spiritual attack. And I will say there are times, and I know Ev, anybody listening to this can attest to this. There are times where you just feel like it's easier to just give up than to, to glorify God and say, no, I took vows in front of my friends and my family for the Lord, with the Lord through the Lord. Marriage is going, my marriage is going to last. I'm going to do this. And you have to have that. You have to have that strength and that integrity to, to make both people have to have that strength and integrity. And if you don't have the Lord, you don't have that strength. Many things in your life, even your childhood, that I wanted to protect you from. And I know we've had conversations about this and we won't go into detail because like I said, that's not my place to call people out. It's my place to say what happened to me. you have been a shining light in my life. I am gonna cry through this one. And if it hadn't been for you and your gloriousness with God at times. I never would've made it to where I am today. Felicia and I thank you for me watching you drink your coffee and do your devotions on the porch and me going, did I raise that? Is that mine? And I'm just so proud of where you and your brother are today in life, and I would like to take full credit for that, but I know it was through the grace of God that we got to where we were. Mm-hmm. And I love, I love your devotion to the Lord, and you are an inspiration.'cause I'll be like, well, Felicia and Zach are going to church, but we probably better get up and go to church too. Mm-hmm. The good news, gossip is founded on this Bible story of the woman at the well who was with. However many men. A lot. A lot of men. That's what I feel like reflects me the most.'cause I have come from the same two failed marriages. I just feel like we got divorced on the same day on our second marriage actually. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Say that. Well, I'm, I mean, it, I think it's really cool that that happened. But in all, in all, like honesty, the woman at the well, he said, go and send no more. And when she knew that that was the Lord, the the prophet. Himself. She could not shut up. She went and told like, everybody in town, this guy right here, he's legit. He's the one you need to be talking to. Mm-hmm. And he, and he went and he stayed there, I think for like three days in the town. And everybody was like, oh, this guy's like the guy. This is Jesus. This is Jesus. Yeah. Jesus Christ. So good news, gossip. That's what we're about. We are. Telling these stories because that is what we're instructed to do. Go send no more. Tell everybody you can. Yeah. About me. You think in your life, oh, this good thing happened to me, this bad thing happened over here, but this good thing happened to me. And you forget that the good things that happened to your are by the grace of God and through his love. In the, in the Bible story, she says, he told me everything that I've done. He knows everything. Got every hair on her head. Yeah. And all the bad things that happened. I just wanna clarify this'cause I, this steers people away from God a lot is like, well if God's real, why did his bad stuff happen? God doesn't bring the bad stuff. We live in a, a fall he world, I have told you all your life or most of your adult life, he did not give us a spirit of fear. He didn't give us a spirit of anxiety. He didn't give us a spirit of worry. You know, like it, God has never let me down. Period. Thank you for having me. I, actually feel like we've had quite a huge devotional here today, and I'm gonna walk outta here feeling really good. So, amen. I knew you would tell your story and feel better and it would be a release of hurt that you've held onto, I think. Sure. That, and this is gonna help. A lot of people I want, I hope so. This is, I keep talking about what the podcast is about and for, but that's really important is to help, I hope one person hears my story and says, that's I've, I've had that in my life. And I know I'm still here because God has a plan for me, and I've always known all my life that God had bigger things for me and still has bigger things for me. I don't think my, my story's not finished. Amen. So preach it, sister. All right guys. I'm out. Gather around God's and move them all over town. Good news, gossip, spreading hope and life. Good news, gossip, making, dark day. Every testimony, every story. True God's do.