HemoLife Podcast
Welcome to the HemoLife Podcast, where we explore how to live an elite life while managing a bleeding disorder or other rare conditions. Dive into educational, entertaining content with stories of high achievers, expert advice on mental health, nutrition, and exercise, and the latest relevant news to elevate your mind, body, and soul.
HemoLife Podcast
The Unseen Battles of Hemophilia Dads
What happens when the rock starts to crack? This question lies at the heart of our conversation with host L.A. Aguayo and special guest Heber Ramos, a father who has navigated the turbulent waters of raising a child with severe hemophilia B. In this profoundly moving episode, Heber takes us through the day his infant son Zayden was diagnosed – a day marked by blood-soaked casts, frantic hospital staff, and a mysterious nurse who appeared seemingly out of nowhere to save his son's life.
The journey Heber shares isn't just about hemophilia; it's about how trauma shapes us. With remarkable candor, he reveals how the constant pressure of being the family protector and the overwhelming fear for his son's wellbeing pushed him toward alcoholism. "Alcohol was my medicine," he explains, describing how he used it to quiet his anxiety while trying to maintain the appearance of strength.
Perhaps most powerful is Heber's account of hitting rock bottom – four DWIs in a single month, losing everything he valued, and finally, a suicide attempt where the gun mysteriously failed to fire. This moment became his turning point, launching him on a path of recovery that transformed not just his relationship with alcohol, but his entire approach to fatherhood and life.
For any parent who has felt the crushing weight of responsibility for a child's chronic condition, Heber's story offers something precious: proof that vulnerability isn't weakness but strength. His journey reminds us that even in our darkest moments, transformation is possible, and that sharing our struggles can become the lifeline someone else desperately needs.
Whether you're a father of a child with a rare disorder or simply someone who values authentic stories of human resilience, this conversation will leave you reflecting on what it truly means to be strong for those we love.
Host: L.A. Aguayo @chronic_physique
Guest: Heber Ramos @gqfresh17
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Welcome to the Hemolife podcast your gateway to transformation and empowerment. Hosted by Elia Aguayo, we're diving deep into the world of rare disorders, unlocking the full spectrum of your potential. Each episode, join us as we connect with pioneers, wellness experts and true survivors. They're here to share powerful stories and invaluable insights, from mental resilience to physical health, community news to life-altering strategies. At Hemolife, we provide the tools you need to excel and inspire, prepare to elevate your life, learn, laugh and grow with us. Let's embark on this journey together.
Speaker 3:Hey guys, it's LA and we are back with another Can't Miss episode. But before I jump in, I want to mention that I just released my new book, chronic Physique the Resilient Blueprint. It's now on Amazon. There are two books One is the book itself and the other is the interactive workbook. I just held my first in-person seminar in Ohio and the engagement and connection between the guys was amazing. We asked ourselves important questions that gave us clarity and direction on how we want to live our lives lives full of intentionality, impact, growth and resiliency. We even dove into social media tips and how to properly tell your story for the most impact.
Speaker 3:But today's episode is something deeply personal, long overdue and truly powerful. We are shifting the spotlight not to the patients, not to the providers, but to the fathers. When your child is diagnosed with hemophilia, the whole family feels it, but for dads, we're expected to be strong, stable, the rock. But what happens when the rock starts to crack? Our guest today is Eber Ramos, a father who's walked through the pain, fear and mental toll of raising a child with hemophilia. A man who's battled the weight of uncertainty, marital strain and even found himself turning to alcohol to escape the emotional chaos. This conversation is going to be raw. It's real and it's for every dad out there who's ever felt alone in the storm. Let's discover what kind of father our kids with hemophilia truly needs us to be. Today's quote for the show is a father's strength is not how much he can carry, but how much he can feel and still keep going Ever.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the Hemo Life Podcast. Tell the audience a little bit about yourself and your son. You know what's his name, how old is he and what type of? What type of hemophilia does he have? Oh man, what's?
Speaker 2:up LA. Thanks again, man. Congratulations on the book, first of all, bro. So phenomenal, thank you, thank you. Everybody needs to cop one, bro. I'll be copying myself a few as well. So congrats. I appreciate it, man, I love it. I'm super excited. Yeah, man, I'm happy. I'm excited for you, man. We appreciate you having me on the show. I am really excited for this, too Long overdue. You know that advocacy is really important. As you said, my name is Eber Eber Ramos. I am from a small town called Redoso, new Mexico, about two hours north of El Paso, texas, where I reside now. Okay, my son is 12. Well, about to be 13. His name is Zayden Ramos. He's actually diagnosed with hemophilia B, severe. You know it's been a battle. It's been, you know, since he was born. Not only that, he was born with bilateral club feet, so it was a struggle from the get-go man right when he came out the womb. You know what I mean. So yeah.
Speaker 2:But other than that, we have an older son named xavier. He's 15 years old. He was, uh, my oldest one. He actually got, he got that lucky side of the lucky straw, of the straw. You know what I mean, the lucky straw and it's one of those things that we never knew what hemophilia was, you know so yeah, I've got two boys, yeah.
Speaker 3:So what about you? What do you like? What do you like to do for fun? I know we have the riding motorcycles in common. Yeah, that's my, we'll get to that. That's your thing. I know I'm always watching you and living. I used to just live through you.
Speaker 2:I was like man, I like to. I'm going to live through him. But now I got that bike ramp cycles has been as we'll talk about in a little bit riding, getting on my bike, and I used to ride years ago, back when I was younger. You know, on 40, going on 41 in a couple months. It's one of those things that back then, in my younger days, I wasn't as responsible as I am today. But riding bikes a lot of people don't understand it. It was my escape from my anxiety. You know, when I was an alcoholic and breaking my habits, my anxiety when I have I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, severe depression. Every in my life, la, that I knew I was depressed. Never, once ever, bro, I had a thought that I was depressed until I was trying to find my way out and trying to better myself and I actually see professional help and they were telling me yeah, you're really depressed all the time Like no way you crazy. You know I was just nah, but alcohol is. It was bad man.
Speaker 3:I was trapped for a bit. We're going to jump into that for sure. So let's rewind the clock a bit. What was life like before the diagnosis? What do you remember about that chapter man before diagnosis. Yeah, before the diagnosis, man, life was. How old were?
Speaker 2:you when you got married. Well, we never really got married, we were never really married. Oh, okay, we were together for, okay, all of this is 14, about 14, 13, 14 years. I mean we've been separated now going on three years, okay, so, give or take, I mean we were, we were engaged, you know we were engaged but, um, life was, life was good man. I'm not gonna complain, I was. I had a little bit of struggles going on legally but I mean, you know the mother my ex was, uh, she was a strong foundation, bro, don't get me wrong. She was, uh, she was an amazing woman. You know we uh, yeah, we had to battle together. She never really met her father. She was only seven months old when her father passed away. It was brain hemorrhage, bad blood. I think he had HIV. He was one of the bad inflected with the bad blood back in the days, you know. So he's troubled, but her mother was his caregiver, so she never really got to meet him. But down the road, life was good man. Like, life was amazing. She was pregnant.
Speaker 2:We knew there was a possibility of what hemophilia was. But, being from a small town, we have a family doctor. You know the same doctor everyone goes to. You know her name was Dr Brown and once we had our. Once she was pregnant with our older son, xavier. You know we did the follow-ups. You know we got. He was born. We didn't know a darn thing about hemophilia, we just knew it was about blood and you cut yourself. You bleed out, you know. So there was really much of we just didn't know anything. You know we tried to Google some stuff and we tried to get knowledgeable.
Speaker 2:But we trusted our doctors, you know, as we're supposed to. You know, these doctors are professionals, they go to school, pay so much money and so yada, yada, yada. So we did that and our oldest son, our doctor told us that we had to wait until he was six months to test his blood, to test to see if he's a hemophilia or not. So we did that. What I know now it's crazy that we could have done that while he was in the womb or when he was born. But we did what our doctor told us because we didn't know anything. Nobody, you know. But we, our doctor, told us because we didn't know anything, we didn't, nobody around us knew, we didn't even know hemophiliacs. We just was so rare in a small town. So sure enough, man, we did that. Six months later we came back two weeks. We got a call that his, his blood count was good, he was not a hemophiliac. So we just live life, bro. We didn't really we didn't bother.
Speaker 2:You know he played sports. You know I coach baseball. I coach flag football. You know I was into baseball myself and playing softball. You know, just doing things.
Speaker 3:All right. So when you got the news, do you remember the moment? Like what the emotions felt? Like? Was there fear, guilt, confusion. It was all three.
Speaker 2:It was all three, bro. It was the day we found out, was the day my life was. My life changed that day Like they did a whole 360, man, it was like I mentioned. My son was born bilateral club feet, so both of his feet were twisted bad in, like he could literally be walking on top of his feet, if you want to put a mental picture on it. But we knew that from the ultrasounds you know, we knew that that was going to, that was possible. So my ex was already dreading that, oh my God, he's not going to be able to walk, he's not going to be able to run. But, man, to this day you can see him running and play baseball and football. He's playing basketball now, which I haven't got the chance to do yet, but man, he's running all over. You'll never know.
Speaker 2:He was born by, I think, his second week of being in the world. He had a second week went to Albuquerque, new Mexico, to our UNM hospital. It was called. There was a hospital called Cary Tingley, so they put him in little leg castings, bro, he had little casting for his ankles right. So for every week we had to drive up three hours there, three hours back home. Oh, wow, yeah, two weeks. They had to change him out every week for about a month and a half, I believe, or almost close to two months, if I remember, and that was because that was a procedure of being clapped, so they would recast his leg, his feet, and they were small little casts. You know, he was a baby, he was real small, yeah, and every week, man, they would cut him off, put new cast on another week, back on another week.
Speaker 2:It got, it got tiring. Oh, the last week, that, um, we had to do it, bro. We went up, um, it was, it was like mid I want to say mid-october, give or take, because he was born in september give him maybe a yeah, it was on halloween anyhow the last casting bro he had. They had a surgery, a procedure. It's not a cut, but it was a poke of the Achilles tendon to give it more flexibility for the last casting. And we're like we didn't you know he's already been born. We didn't just like the last, my older son, we were going to wait six months to get him tested again his blood to see if it's hemophilia. Because to get him tested again his blood to see if it's hemophilia, because that's what we did with our older son. We didn't know any better. You know, we didn't reach out to nobody, we didn't know anything about hemophilia. Still, we had no resources, nobody.
Speaker 2:That day, dr Lisa, mrs Dr Silva, she explained to us oh, it's just a small poke, a little, I mean man right behind the ankle where the Achilles tendon is to give him more flexibility, and we're like, okay, let's do it, you know, I mean he needs it. So we, yeah, they know. So, sure enough, man, we're like, well, he might bleed, he might not bleed, but we were taking that opportunity, that chance. So he ended up poking both of his ankles and I kid you, not LA, like he we're. So I was so happy because he, there was like a couple drops of blood, but they were putting pressure and they would let go and we were waiting.
Speaker 2:And we were waiting just like we're. I'm thinking, oh, blood's gonna start oozing. If he's a hemophiliac, yeah, I feel like blood was just gonna flow right out. Nah, man, he uh, nothing came out. There's just a couple drops, like little, little droplets of like cool, like maybe he's not a hemophilia like his older brother. So me and my ex looked at each other and then we go ahead and decided to put the castings on bro and uh, life got crazy a little bit after that, yeah so, like, how did they ultimately like, find out, like, oh man, like he, we need to test him for hemophilia well, the reason we, the reason we found out he was diagnosed that day, bro, is because, uh, we put the castings on right, he, he didn't bleed at all, there was no blood.
Speaker 3:I mean he bled, but it wasn't like a constant bleed where it was just not stopping yeah, like well, usually, I mean, I don't feel like I feel like we bleed out a little bit more than an average person, but it's more of like the internal bleeding from, like my personal experience you.
Speaker 2:Okay, I see I get it. Well, go figure, man, my baby, he's small, he's a small one. Put the casting card and we're feeling good, like, if he's not hemophiliac. We took that opportunity, we took that chance. So, for some reason, la, that day, man, we always drive back home because it's a work day. You know, got to get back at the time I had a local business of detailing and, uh, how to get back to work three hours, yeah there, three hour drive back. It just gets tiring.
Speaker 2:But for some reason, that day, man, we decided to go have lunch. You know, we stopped. It was like close to like 11, 12 ish. We went to his little mexican restaurant. Um, right up, kind of right up the road a little bit, not too far from there, and we're sitting down. It's cold, man, it's. It's, it's pretty chilly outside.
Speaker 2:You know, I had a little four-door honda civic four-door and he's in his. You got him. Well, we, we got him, we got both my kids. We're up there, we go in, we sit down at the table, bro, they seat us, we get our drinks and my son is, he's a newborn and we're still like he wasn't pouting, he wasn't crying, it was like time for him to get his bottle. You know what I mean? Yeah, and he was just something just didn't seem right to me, bro, and I looked down and I see around his lips right here just looked a little darker than normal, like little black, yeah, and I was like what the heck? So he was wrapped up in his blanket right. So I take the blanket off of him, bro, and his cast. Bro, they're white as paper when they put it on. And, yeah, when I took that blanket off, bro, they were as dark as my hat. They were black. The whole entire cast was just solid black color, bro, and I already knew what it was.
Speaker 2:So, by the time they put the cast on, by the time we drove there, waited to get out of the hospital, did paperwork, got in the car, drove to the location, to the restaurant, sat down, waited a little bit. By the time I did all that, bro, I already knew what it was and I constantly pumped up. I remember throwing some money on the table and I told my ex Angie, let's go, let's go, man, let's go. And she freaked out because she already knew what it was too, and he was small, he was a baby man and we hauled butt. She jumped in the back, I jumped in the front.
Speaker 2:I remember getting in the car, bro. She's on the phone calling 911, calling the doctors, trying to get to the hospital. And I'm driving like a maniac, bro. I mean like I'm driving down on the wrong side of the street, I'm running red lights. I literally almost like a movie. I was just trying to get back to where we were at. I really kind of blacked out a little bit, bro. I remember driving like an idiot. Thank God I didn't crash. Yeah, I was so afraid, I was so scared that my son he was basically just he bled for so long and he was so small, you know what I mean. So he didn't have much blood already.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's crazy. I've always wondered what it would feel like to be a father of a hemophiliac. You know, going through everything I've done I've gone through on my own, I just couldn't imagine, you know, looking at your helpless baby going through that and those emotions and what that feels like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was scary things, bro, you know, and us being a father bro, we're supposed to protect our kids and keep them safe.
Speaker 2:You know, and us, being a father bro, um, we're supposed to protect our kids to keep them safe, you know. But hemophilia doesn't take that. We don't have that luxury in this, in this being disorder. You know we don't have that luxury like you did, but you had to take care of yourself, and only for you and yourself and my son. You know he's gonna be in your shoes too, where he has to take care of himself one day yeah, but once we got there man.
Speaker 3:So what kind of medication? What was like? How did they administer the medication to him at that age?
Speaker 2:Well, once we got there, bro, to the hospital, there was a team waiting for us and they grabbed him and hauled butt to him. We hauled in and they cut off the cast and they didn't know what to do. Man, they didn't know what to do. They knew they had to get it. They had to find a vein. Curatingly was kind of like a quarter mile away from UNM Hospital where there's a hematologist there.
Speaker 2:So they rushed him to the big hospital, straight to the ER, and by the time they cut the cast off, bro, there was a couple of nurses there, a guy nurse. He was squeezing his ankles, just squeezing just to to keep pressure. You know what I mean. That way no blood was coming out. We went to the er and, uh, like I said, he bled so much they were having trouble trying to hit a vein. They couldn't find any veins at all. Bro, like I bet that'd be hard, like at all, like it. He bled for almost probably one, two and a half to three hours maybe, and they, sorry, it's been a while since I had to remember this day, but, bro, yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Me and in the ER room, bro. They were taking turns of the nurses, were taking turns of grabbing his ankles. They wouldn't let go for dear life. I mean, the paws of the hands of the nurses were white because they were squeezing so hard, you know, and they were sticking my son. He got stuck. I want to say close to 15, 20 times, bro. They stuck him in the arms, left arm, right arm, in the hands. They tried to hit somewhere in the leg. They tried to hit his head, you know. They tried to find a vein. They were just trying to find a vein, bro, and they couldn't because he was so small and he bled and was he just like screaming and like moving around a lot too, To be honest, bro he was.
Speaker 2:He really was dead to me. He was motionless. Bro, I'm going serious he was screaming for a little bit. Then he was just laying there, bro, he was just laying there. Wow, no pain, his face was white, his lips were purple.
Speaker 3:It gives me chills. I literally have chills just thinking about what that would feel like in that moment.
Speaker 2:I got the goosebumps too, man, too man. But uh, they were taking turns, man, and they brought this x-ray machine. I remember they brought this x-ray machine that specializes, uh, for veins. They found one, but they didn't want to try because it was too small, it's too faint. So they kept trying, bro, kept trying, poking, poking, and like they had different nurses, uh, people that take care of the baby doctors come up from their baby room and you know, it was just, it was, uh, I really thought he was. We're losing him, bro, like he was. We just got him in the world, you know, and, uh, we're in this room of of despair and grief and, like you said, about guilt.
Speaker 2:I was so guilty to myself because I brought this man into this world. Yeah, I can't have opportunity to fight. You know what I mean. And and that day, bro, I wasn't really religious, as I am today, you know, I believe in my higher god. I remember putting my head down, bro, and, uh, I put my head down and I'll sit next to my ex and her sister, jamie was next to her, and I just talked to god, man, I, I prayed and I asked god. You know, I told god just, hey, man, just take my life. You know, let me switch my life to my son. You know, don't, don't take, don't take him. Yet, like you know, I already had an opportunity to live a little bit of a life. You know, let let my son live. I'm bleeding, I'm just bleeding, bro, I'm guilt. I'm like, just please, god, just don't take him, please give him, give him a chance. Give him a chance, please, and keep praying, bro.
Speaker 2:And his room is so quiet and, uh, the short, chubby lady walks in and red scrubs and and with the biggest smile, grin You've ever, like she just won the lottery, bro. She walks in this ER room, bro, big smile, she washes her hands. She looks at my son and she's like, oh, he's such a cute baby, he's such a cute baby and I'm looking at this lady like she's either like really, like I'm thinking negative. You know my son's dad and she's over here cheering him on, like he's I don't know who this lady was. So she puts on her gloves and she starts rubbing my son's head. So all these doctors, all these nurses poke my son all over the place, all over his body. With no hesitation, she grabs his head, gets the needle, bro, sticks the needle inside of his left side of his head and draws back blood.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's crazy, bro, it was insane. It was one of those things that, as soon as you know, when doctors, when they take your blood out, test and they put in little tubes, literally once she got that blood, that little little bit of blood, and the reason they had to get blood from him because they didn't, they didn't he know that he needed blood, so we didn't know what type of blood he had. Well, I'm over here, I see before all that I'm talking crap to the nurses, like if you need blood, get the blood from his ankle. And well, I don't know, I'm not educated, I didn't know once. But it contaminates the blood, you know, I didn't, I don't know this stuff. So, uh, yeah, I'm talking crap, I'm mad, but this lady man shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah that she got the needle out of his head and a nurse grabbed that bare needle bro, the bare needle, didn't put any blood in a tube, and took off running out the room, dude, like with the needle in his hand, dang, he came back within, I want to say 10 minutes and they knew what his blood was and they're talking to us what blood they needed. I was like, well, shoot, just take my blood. But they're like, no, we didn't have it, there was not enough time. So I'm arguing because I don't know this stuff, I don't know how this stuff works. So, sure enough, man, I'm like and I'm thinking about her dad like, what if he gets sick? What if he catches hiv? What if he catches some disease? I'm over, thinking negative again. Yeah, I ended up just letting him do it, bro, and uh, and they get his blood, and then they keep the IV and they give him his blood, bro, he gets, they start filling up his blood and I can tell you, man, this lady, I can see her right now and picture you, bro, I can see exactly what she looked like.
Speaker 2:And they say whoever donated that blood that's another reason why I got into this, advocating the importance of blood donations is whoever's blood. That was, man. Whoever donated that blood saved my son. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I didn't do it, yeah, so, bro, yeah, that's amazing, man, I just got chills. So my son gets his blood, bro, and and that's, that's it. He's a hemophiliac, that's it. You know, we met, yeah, abraham. So that's the start of the journey. That was it, bro, and that day was the most craziest day of my life and it turned my life around. You know, it opened up my eyes.
Speaker 3:Did that moment kind of help you like, build on the faith that you have now?
Speaker 2:Like you know. Basically, in those moments, I guess you just feel helpless and you have no choice but to just seek a higher power and and just have faith that god's gonna pull them through that day. Bro, I know the wisdom of god, man, god was real god I appreciate you being vulnerable, brother, we had this we were, uh, once we got upstairs and he got us a room right the following morning I told angeli.
Speaker 2:I was like damn, I never got to tell that nurse, thank you. Oh yeah, I went down and talked to the people that were in the ER with us in the room and you can probably find her at this level. So I went to level floor four where all the babies are at right yeah, I go and talk to the nurses there and I was like, yeah, I'm trying to find this lady. She's short, she had a short little hair above her shoulders, she was wearing a little short, chubby red scrubs. And these people are like what? And they're like we don't like literally, bro. I was like arguing Like yeah, she works in this floor, she works with the babies.
Speaker 2:And, bro, everyone thought I was crazy. And they're like we don't have anybody like that, Like not even no one's short at all, Like you're describing, like these. Yeah, bro, Even the doctors. So I go back downstairs and talk to the doctor. I'm like, are you sure it was the right floor? They're like sure, that's where she came from, that's what they knew. And everybody saw this nurse, bro, I went to every floor of the UNM hospital, the ones I was allowed to go in Till this day, LA, till this day, my man, it's a mystery. I really believe in my heart and heart.
Speaker 2:God, I was an angel that saved my son's life, bro. Wow, man bro, wow, man bro, stop with this freaking chills everywhere. Come on, bro, I'm telling you this is crazy. Yeah, I knew god came and god sent his angels, bro, and uh, you know, yeah, angie, my ex, she was always. She always said it was her dad. She always had this, yeah, even though she really didn't know him, but she always said her dad was always there to watch over her grandson hemophiliac, yeah, and to this day, bro, yeah, my faith grew that day. Yeah, I knew there was a higher being, bro, and God is good and does good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Even though in the moments of my life, bro, god showed me himself in a way and saved my life, and he also saved my son. I mean, I know we'll talk about it in a little bit, but you know the man I am today in front of you, la, I wasn't this man three years ago. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:So but, yes, same here, brother, I've had a lot to overcome myself and I'm standing here as a new man who has been through so many trials and so many situations where I thought I would just never make it through, hated who I was, hated the cards that I was dealt. But God, over the over the years, constantly shows himself to me and helps me find a way. Through and through all the trials, you know, I finally have been able to change my, my mindset and perspective, that you know like, god's always going to be there for me. So anything that somebody throws my way, it's like okay, this is, this is, this sucks, this is not good, but what else can a man do to me that hasn't already happened to me, you know, and that's just. That's what gives me my confidence. Now is just like unless you shoot me and kill me, then you know I'm getting back up, I'm gonna keep on fighting like, yeah, bro, and that's where we got to man.
Speaker 2:But yeah, um, and I totally feel you, bro. I think that's why I respect you, because I know you had some hard times going through and uh, I mean, I don't know your personal stuff, but I knew some, but not really. You know what I mean yeah, that's what we.
Speaker 3:I just I grew up so like angry, I think because of my disorder. I was so angry and I but no, I didn't really have a mentor, anybody there, no one to look up to, and everyone who saw these outbursts that I was having as a child they just looked at it as I was. I I just had a problem like a personality problem. And you know, looking back at you, know being who I am now, and looking back, I see a lost kid and he just needed someone. He needed a role model, he needed someone to see the pain that I was going through. When you're a kid, you have no idea Like it's like. You know you have a disorder, that's what people are telling you, but you just don't understand it. You don't know the science behind it, you don't know why you're feeling the way you feel, mentally, physically, and then just the toll of the pain every single day, bleed after bleed. It just gets overwhelming. And I remember being a kid, at one point, just like thinking okay, well, maybe if I just keep on punching myself in the head, then maybe I'll just die and I can end all of this. And that's why I've become the person I've became today is because I just told myself, you know, it would be worth living if I could just become the man that I wish I would have had in my life at that point. If I can be that for the next generation of kids growing up, then that's the legacy that I want to leave behind. That's the impact that I want to have and that's what drives me. That's what I mean. It's funny because I work in the industry and we'll be sitting down with different patients and I'll have people you know cause I'm I'm in a sales role and I'll have people afterwards be like man.
Speaker 3:You sounded so genuine when you're talking to these people, like that's a really good skill. I'm like bro, it's because I am there, you go. It's like like I yes, I have to make a living for myself. Dude, I that comes, that comes last. You know, impact is what I've always. That's always been the root of my journey and it will always be that way. So if I sound genuine, it's because I am. I really do care. It's not about anything else. So, yeah, man, you're. You're a real one too, and I can. I can tell that you know.
Speaker 2:I know you've been through some stuff we don't have to go deep into that stuff, but I've got a crazy past too and I think men like us bro, sorry to cut you off, I know people, men like us, no, no, you're good that got a pass like that, a hard pass, because, like you said, um, I also grew up with a lot of anger. I didn't grow up with love, yeah, I didn't grow up with. Yeah, you know, my dad was an alcoholic. My mother was an alcoholic, addicted gambler. You know, I didn't. I didn't have a role model either. My role model was was my big bros that were like five, six years older than me you know what I mean and and I was like this unique kid and I was always getting picked on. So I learned how to be who I was man fast, without a father figure. You know, I love my pops to this day, but I never had that growing up. I never had love, you know. So when I became foster, I just and that's my fault where I felt that guilt, you know, like you asked earlier, yeah, guilty, I wish I loved mine. I love my kids, I've always loved them. But you know, this hemophilia does, it changes your life and all around For me, bro, when my son was, when Zayden was born, I did treat him a little bit different than I did Xavier.
Speaker 2:I did show him care to him. I did give him more time than I did my older son. You know, it's just because it was just about him. I cared I love both my kids but I did favor him. You know I did cared I love both my kids but I did favor him. You know I did. Yeah, I shouldn't have and I messed up by doing that, you know. So it was hard for me to understand it, but at the time I didn't to me. I thought I was right. You know what I mean. But I wasn't bro. I didn't know what my son was going through. My older son needed more love too. He needed more attention, don't get me wrong. I gave it to him, but just yeah, as I was his little brother, you know what I mean, yeah, and I totally understand.
Speaker 2:I'm a father man, I messed up and I missed a couple of parents and and, and they do favor the hemophilia child more. I've met kids, siblings like I, I, I summer camp, kid camps or even at conferences where we go to. You know like, yeah, and it's and it's true and it's just the way it is.
Speaker 3:It's hard not to. I guess I've always been curious about my brother's perspective. I know growing up he would always get in trouble for playing with me too rough. He probably feels like I got all the attention for sure. But I guess it's kind of hard to navigate as a parent on how protective to be and how much extra attention that child might need. But let me let me ask you you've been pretty upfront about the toll that this has taken on your relationship. You know what was the hardest part about navigating hemophilia as a couple?
Speaker 2:The hardest part about it. We were two hardheaded people. It was either my way or the highway. You know, I'm the man, I'm the muscular, I'm the protector, I'm the provider. But in those times I just just, I always thought I knew more. You know, I never really listened to her, I never gave her that that benefit of that. I was wrong. You know, I was, I was, I was really prideful. La, I was really really prideful, and not only because, yeah, it's just the way I grew up, man and me, I worked my, everything I've had is my two hands. I've never had nothing, yeah, me, and never, never had nothing served to me on. So we grew up poor, you know, never had that luxury, you know.
Speaker 3:And I'm glad Did you feel some kind of pressure to like always have it together to be the strong one for your family. I had to, bro.
Speaker 2:We're the like us Latino Hispanics. You know that's the heritage. You know we got to. We don't fold. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we hold our ground and we push forward, but the time I was holding the ground, I was holding it for my selfish ways, I wasn't letting anyone come between us. You know, I was really like my pridefulness. Now that I'm not at the time, now that I know who, now that I see things the way I do, now I'm such an idiot bro. Yeah, forgive me, I'm idiot bro. Yeah, forgive me, I'm a, I'm an idiot and uh, do I regret it?
Speaker 2:No, but it was hard for me and her, because her family will always try to be getting and they wouldn't try to like me like I, the way I see things, I I pressured her a lot was, you know, if your family really cared about our son, how come they don't try to be like in our lives for his life? You know, how come they don't try to be part of it? How come they don't help us be part of it? How come they don't help us out? Like it was rough man, like I wasn't going to put this on anyone's plate, I wasn't going to bring put that on on anyone's like uh, I say, for example, if we needed something to go out, we needed a babysitter or we needed anything that we couldn't take him with us. Like we didn't trust nobody unless they knew what they were doing. And it was hard for me because she would trust her family, she would trust her mother or her sister or cousin. I didn't trust them, I didn't trust nobody. Bro, yeah, to leave my son. I always had mentality like you you hurt my son, I'm gonna hurt you tenfold. That was my mentality and also I was. I was really hovered over him where I didn't let nobody in. But then again nobody was trying to come in because they knew they didn't want the responsibility of something happening to my son Make sense and things happen. Man Like the craziest one was.
Speaker 2:He was, I want to say he was a kid, probably three, three and a half years old. Bro, four years old. We're living in this condo and him and his older brother playing soccer, just kicking the ball around. At the time I had a red Integra old school Integra slammed to the ground, turbocharged, nice, and I was going to the store. Bro, and my kids are smart, they know what to do. They see a car, jump in the car, they run to the front. Yeah Well, I jump in my car, man, and I see my older son in front of the car. So I'm thinking, okay, zayden's next to him.
Speaker 2:I turn my car on bro, my music's a little loud and I put my car in reverse and it was a five-speed and by the time I let the clutch out slowly to reverse, I feel this dump, like what the heck? I just feel like something. I felt a little my car hit something. I'm like here we go, and they left the bike behind my car or tricycle or the little what was it? Little scooter. So I'm like, I'm pissed. I'm like, okay, here we go again. I told him many times, that's it. I ran over like their bike twice. You know what I mean. So I was like something hit me behind my car.
Speaker 2:And kids scream, bro. I don't know where it's coming from. I just hear this ah, just yelling, screaming, and I look behind me, bro, and open up the door and, uh, I see my son's feet. I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't. I didn't know what to think, bro. I really stood there like I couldn't, really, I couldn't move, bro. I was frozen. And by the time I came to it, bro, I ended up pulling my son. My car was lowered. I pulled him out, man, and this whole left side, yeah, the left side of his face, is just black and red and blood in his ear. And you know, when you scrape your knee or something or your elbow, the skin peels back. I ripped the whole left side like literally just skinned him, bro. It was all black and asphalt and the exhaust of the bottom of the car. I pull him out, bro, and I hold him and I'm screaming, bro.
Speaker 2:And my neighbor lived a little bit down on the condo. He was out there washing his truck and he runs up and I'm holding him in my hands and I don't know what to do. I'm like, what the hell did I? I just ran over my son. I just ran him over, bro, and he's screaming, he's bleeding, bro, it's just a crazy sight. And I run inside and I'm yelling for Anjali, anjali, and she was downstairs. She comes up freaking out and she freaked out and I didn't, we didn't know what to do. Bro, it was just, I was in shock, just I was in shock. I was in shock and, thank god, my neighbor came up. His name was ray. He started. Just I got him, let me see him, get him here. I got him hospital, go to the hospital. He's telling me what to do and get in the car, get in the car and she jumps in the car, bro, and he, he doesn't go with her, or I think he did. No, he did it. She jumped in the car and just hauled butt and I'm thinking I'll meet you at the hospital. So we're in the small town of Redoso, bro. We were probably a good 10 minutes from the hospital, maybe less. But she hauled butt and I know I already know when I come to it, I calm down a little bit, bro, and I go get the box of hemophilia, the factor, the whole box, with me, man, I throw it in my car and I hauled butt to the hospital. Man. It was crazy, bro, and I'm trying to leave and I feel this bump again.
Speaker 2:Right, and I kid you, not, bro, to this day, my son was underneath trying to get the soccer ball right. I don't know, and I'm going to tell you this, for some reason, bro, what saved my son's life and this is another moment that me and my ex have thought about that it was her dad watching over my son, because when I was backing up the car, bro, so picture the tire, the rear tire, and the mud flap right, there's a little space between the mud flap and the tire. There's a little bit of a gap, the soccer ball that he was underneath my car trying to get. It got stuck. Yeah, and it got stuck in that spot, bro. I can't explain it and I don't know how the ball got there, but the ball got there there, bro, and it stopped the car from me. It stopped me from rolling backwards, bro, and I would have, really I would have killed my son. I would have killed him, bro, because my car was lowered. You know, he was in a need. I would have smashed him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, sorry, bro, I just got to. My anxiety is just talking about it. My anxiety is coming up. I'm sorry, man, you're good brother. It was again. Man, here we go through this trauma. What the fuck?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't imagine that pain that you were going through. I can't.
Speaker 2:I was so traumatized, hurt, and I said more of myself than anybody in the world yeah, he didn't pass away, but I hurt him so bad, bro, I should have paid attention. As a father I should have made sure he was away from the vehicle. You know, I messed up on that part. Yeah, I messed up, man, and I really thought I was going to get in trouble. Cops came to the hospital and there was a shit show at the hospital. Yeah, How'd? Yeah I, I messed up man and and, uh, I really thought I was gonna get in trouble.
Speaker 2:Cops came the hospital and there was a. It was a shit show at the hospital. Anyway, yeah, how'd the ball get there? I don't know. Physically impossible, bro. He was underneath trying to get it and where he was at in the, in the position where I got him from underneath the car where the ball was at, somehow the ball ended up being behind the tire in the mudflap and it got stuck there, bro, so it wouldn't allow the car to roll out. Yeah, so we talk about it. My ex said it was her dad.
Speaker 3:Was your wife or was your? I guess it was your fiance at that time. Was she or girlfriend? Was she upset with you over all that? Did that take a toll on your relationship?
Speaker 2:Yeah, most likely, bro. She was mad. She was. We were already going through, we already going through some things. You know, we were already having our issues and me drinking. I ended up drinking after the hospital, bro. I ended up buying yeah, Couldn't, I didn't know what to do to take away my, my, my pain, I couldn't, I would buy. I went to a store, bro, and I bought me some, a 12 pack of some beer, Blue Moon. Blue Moon was my go and I drank, bro. I got pretty happy. I got home.
Speaker 3:I got drunk, so you were just going through a season where you're trying to numb the pain.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, man, that's the only thing that helped was the alcohol man. That's the only thing that really helped, like that. I knew it helped me in the end of all, was it was my. I called it my medicine, bro. It was like it's your factor for your bleeding disorder, but alcohol, to me, was my medicine. It helped me, keep me sane.
Speaker 2:Don't get me wrong, bro, I wasn't a falling down drunk, you know I wasn't. I still had my business to run and a lot of people didn't understand that I had a problem. Everybody around me that's close to me, they would always tell me you drink too much. I'll be like, yeah, you're full of crap, mind your business, you know. Hey, stop drinking. I'm gonna forget you, bro, don't worry about me, I'm good. You know, I always woke up, I went to work. I was a functional drunk, I was really functioning.
Speaker 2:But everybody in my town, bro, nobody really knew I drank, unless you were close in my circle, like at the time I had my car club. You know, I had my, my, my fresh boys car club and they knew I drank cause we all came together. But it wasn't like a known thing where you'll catch me at a bar or you'll never, ever. But the drinking was. I saw it helped me, bro. That's it I. I couldn't. I couldn't escape it, bro. I couldn't stop. I had to have my beer. I had to. It's like it was a must. Bro, don't get me wrong, I will try to stop a little bit, but I couldn't, man, like I felt this crazy anxiety, like this crazy, I couldn't so.
Speaker 3:If you did, if you weren't drinking, then all of a sudden it was just the anxiety was too powerful, bro it was bad, I couldn't sleep.
Speaker 2:I had, I had insomnia, bro, I wouldn't be able to go to sleep.
Speaker 3:You know, was it like a lot of thoughts too, like a lot of negative thoughts that were kind of getting into your head and just like just all that too much to handle.
Speaker 2:Always I was always negative, bro, and it sucks because I'm not really a negative guy. I was always that negative, but because I was going through it, you know, my mindset was just F, you, f, you, f, you. I don't care, don't worry about me, I don't need you, I don't need you. You know what I mean. Like the thing I did, well, I was so prideful, bro, but I always yeah, and I was in a better road than anybody because I worked my butt off. You know what I mean. I worked my butt off you, I work my butt off. So you're not, you're nobody to tell me what to do. You know I'm saying I had, yeah, mine yeah, but yeah.
Speaker 3:So what was the the breaking point for you? The moment you realized that something had to change.
Speaker 2:Oh, man me, me, me and Anjali, me and my ex was, uh, I ended up getting in trouble. 2020, uh, november, beginning of november in 2020, bro, like me and her were already. You know, we're just at each other's throat, bro, you know. And, uh, my drinking got heavier, covid happened, and that just threw me off, bro, and I had to close my business. I lost my, my business, my livelihood. I went back to my career, which was the restaurant bar industry, you know, and that wasn't the best career to have. When COVID was going through, you know, the money was I couldn't make money. No, restaurants were open, but I had to work. I had to do something, man, and it just wasn't enough, bro. So everything I really made, I started drinking triple what I would drink before that, yeah, and, bro, I ended up getting a. So my kids had online classes.
Speaker 2:So one time, what happened? I was in my garage and working on my race car, the hemophilia awareness race car I had. I was working on it in my garage and I ended up falling asleep in there. I, just me and her. I don't want to go in the house, you know, we working on in my garage and I ended up falling asleep in there. I, just me and her. I don't want to go in the house. You know we're already throw, we're fighting.
Speaker 2:I wake up morning, bro, my kids are gone, like she took the kids to work, and I'm mad as hell like what the hell? Why? Well, yeah, I don't know. I thought you left and didn't come home. Which boy, which I was in the garage, she didn't know. Oh, dude, this is like at nine in the morning and I opened up a fridge, bro, and I had like three, four beers in there and I said, hey, no one's home, the kids ain't home. Hey, let me just drink a beer, why not? Yeah, that one beer, bro.
Speaker 2:That decision, that moment I didn't know it was going to come in disaster, bro. I ended up drinking the whole entire day. My anger took control. I didn't give a shit, was in the I don't care mode, bro, and sure enough, bro, I ended up drinking. I ran out, I get ready, I go to the store, I buy another 12 pack, come back home. I finished that 12 pack, bro, I think by the time I got in trouble. I was so drunk. I was so drunk driving through my little town, bro, and I ended up going to Taco Bell. I remember driving visiting some friends at the time. I kind of don't remember, but I go to Taco Bell and at the time my car that I was driving it's a JDM car, so my steering wheel is on the right side. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So when I go to the drive-thru, when you go to the drive-thru, I have to get out because it doesn't really talk and I guess somebody called the cops and goes man, the cop is supposedly waiting somewhere and he saw me get in my car and he just waited, like he waited for me to hit the road. And, sure enough, as soon as I got on the road he got behind me, pulled me over and I'm hammered drunk, bro, eating a taco from taco bell. I was sitting, bro. My journey started from there and I ended up in the dw. I got in trouble for dwi yeah but it didn't stop there, bro.
Speaker 2:Um, that was the beginning of november. Well, I ended up getting four dwis in that same month, bro, not one, that's hitting. I got four, brother, I got. That's wild. I got four in the same month, man, and that just tells you you have to do some time for that. Actually, may 9th, this past May 9th, would be a year that I got out of prison. I went to jail for a year. Okay, I got a. I mean, yeah, I'm on my probation still and all that.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it took a while to fix. You know five years. You know it took five years. But I lot of fix, you know five years, you know it took five years. But I was those four, 40 wi's that I got. I tell people it gives you an up, it gives you a mental. Where my mental health was at how many up I was, how, how flipped I was, man, mentally, I wasn't there, bro. I didn't care about my kids, I didn't care about my fiancee, I didn't care about anyone, I didn't even care about me, la. I got to that breaking point. I lost my faith. Yeah, I was a, I was a walking cause. I just didn't care, bro, I didn't care, and the alcohol, just it was the only thing I cared about that extra shot that bought.
Speaker 3:I mean obviously, obviously something changed for you. I mean the man that I see, the man that I saw and and at the hope event, I mean you. You offer this very positive vibe, this amazing energy. I see what you're trying to do in the community and it's amazing what, what helped you start this healing process. What was what played a big role into that, or what did that healing process look like from the there was a night, bro, where I didn't care enough.
Speaker 2:Bro, like like you were explaining earlier, when you're a kid, you hit your head a lot, think you would die. Yeah, one night, bro, I put the gun to my head. Put the gun to my head, man, and it was night, it was cold, and I remember just, I was drunk and when I put, I just wanted to end my pain, bro, this pain in my chest I just could never get away, no matter what I did. I tried to stop drinking multiple times and I couldn't, bro, to this day. I was homeless, I was broke. I mean, I had a job, but it wasn't enough. I was in a bad spot, bro. I was in a hole and I just this depression was just taking over, man, I didn't know how bad it was. And then, when I put the gun to my head and I pulled the trigger, I pulled the trigger, man, and it just clicked, it didn't go off. It was the most cowardice moment of my life, bro. Yeah, I was broken man. I was hurt because I was alone. Yeah, I always felt like I did so much for so many people and I thought somebody would help me out. When I was at rock bottom. I thought somebody was going to come save me, bro. I thought somebody was going to come help me out and give me a hand up, you know, but nobody came. I had my little brother, eddie. He was one of the few that actually tried to help me. Man, my little brother did try to help me after this happened, but when I pulled that trigger, la, it didn't go off. I pointed at this tree, bro, this big pine tree, about 20 feet away, and boom gun went off and I was like, oh my God, I felt this warmth feeling in my neck and my face, kind of. I felt this warmness and I knew what it was.
Speaker 2:It was in my time and that night I had to decide, bro, that's it. I've never been a punk, I've never turned around, I never ran from a fight. And what I did that moment, bro, now that I know, I decided to do something. I decided and I said this is it. I got to change my life, I got to change my ways for not for anybody else, you know, I had to do it for me, bro.
Speaker 2:This alcohol was just too much. And sure enough, man, I reached out to some friends and the lady was a therapist and I called her three in the morning crying, and she answered, bro, her name's Pam Tomlin, she's an old lady. Come to my office early in the morning and I went and my journey started. And don't get me wrong, I fell a couple of times. I fell short of the hands of glory, I fell off. I didn't be as sober as I am today. It didn't happen overnight, bro, yeah, and that healing process started and it's been, and I still heal every day.
Speaker 2:It's been, it's always been an amazing journey, bro, and, like you said, the man you saw at Hope, bro, like a lot of people don't know. A lot of people don't know this ever anymore. They don't know me like I used to from my family. God took people out of my life for a reason, and I'm not trying to be difficult, but just because we have the same blood I learned that makes us related. You know what I mean. I got men in my life, people in my life that are not my same blood, but they are my brother, they are my brothers. They have been there for me more than anyone in my whole entire life. So-called family have ever been there for me, bro, and I thank God for that, because God put these people in my life for a reason, for a fact.
Speaker 2:The time when I was in trouble, bro, I stepped away from the hemophilia community. I had to, bro, I was in no shape at all to be an advocate for anybody in hemophilia. I couldn't, bro, bro, I couldn't be. Yeah, that the man I am today and you know advocating is the key. You know advocating is very important in in this, in this community. But, um, the healing process.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like you know you you had me thinking about my past and stuff as well and I feel like those demons, they will never truly go away and I think you know it's. It is a it's an ongoing battle and I think we learn how to develop new behaviors to where we can suppress those demons from coming out and we, we surround ourselves around the right people, we put ourselves in the right environment to where that just you know, we keep that where it needs to be yeah, and I told you, bro, those demons will always haunt us, man, and they will come no matter what.
Speaker 2:But that's when we have daily battle, daily battle, baby. Exactly. Amen to that. Yeah, we just got to keep fighting.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's. I'm the same way, man. I protect my energy, I protect my peace, I mean no-transcript reason.
Speaker 2:I think this is why I think this is for a reason. Like me and you, I always always liked you, bro. I've always, I've always been a fan, bro, and and I think it's because we kind of been through it and understand it, because not many people can hit rock bottom, bro, like they don't understand what rock bottom is. And when I mean rock bottom, la, I was, I was staying in the car, I was, I didn't have nowhere to go, bro, I was homeless.
Speaker 2:Yeah, coming from having everything a home, a family, kids, a community, you know of being a community man, a coach, I mean having all this and then, all of a sudden, man is just how in the hell did I get myself here? You know how in the hell? Well, how how was I was? I wasn't eating for a few days, bro, I was struggling so bad, you know, kind of like like the book of joe man in the bible. I was living it, man, and I was okay, god, and I just had to find him, bro, and I did, and I made him my Lord and my Savior. And then, bro, my life started changing. It started getting there and I started doing my process, my legal stuff started happening, you know, taking care of the four DWIs, and a lot of people tripped out on that, bro. They're like you got four in one month. And I met this guy in jail, bro, he was like 50 something, almost 60, now he's all.
Speaker 2:I got five and I'm 60 something years old and you got four in one month and he's kind of making fun of me like damn, you're an idiot, you mean yeah and I was like, yeah, I was an idiot, I'm dumb, but I think my journey of soberness, of sobriety like when I did my jail sentence, bro, I was in there for six months and then I got out, there's my paperwork and stuff and I had to go.
Speaker 2:I got a sentence a year, so I had to go back, you know, and finish my sentence and I think that's where, where, where I got stronger, you know, and I got to be in jail and I use my time in there, bro, I got, I got to meet a lot of people like my testimony, I use it, I work at a bar and they're like you work at a bar and you're what Sober Like people trip out. But there are some times I do get a man or a woman and they ask and then once they get intrigued of sobriety and they start asking questions well, how'd you do it? How'd you do it Like? How'd you feel Like man? This is the most like you said. You have your peace, bro, that I, I sleep good at night, bro, I sleep so good.
Speaker 3:I have my peace, I uh, never had that in my life, bro, and uh, yeah, I mean I love that you're just being so raw and vulnerable. You know a lot. I started telling my story about 10 years ago on social media and I started to realize that you know, like, once I got into the industry a little bit and started working in the industry, I kind of became limited to telling my genuine true story. You know like, once I got into the industry a little bit and started working in the industry, I kind of became limited to telling my genuine true story. You know, I feel like everyone wants to hide behind some kind of facade of that. There, you know, you have to look a certain way and be a certain way, and the second that I started to tell any rawness and realness would I don't know, I would get some kind of backlash.
Speaker 3:You know, I was working for different pharmacies in the past and I would talk about pain. I remember one time I was talking about pain pills and how I was suffering from pain and I was just reliant on these pain pills and then people from the community would contact my work and they would say you know, look at this guy, he's a bad example. You know he's talking about pain pills and being addicted to it. I don't know. It's just weird. I think we're in different times now where it's kind of we're all like more free thinking. Now we kind of know that.
Speaker 3:You know, most people have some kind of skeleton in their closet of some sort. I don't know. And where I'm at in my life I'm just not scared man. I position myself and my goal is always to build my own platform to where I don't care. I don't care if this company doesn't support me or that person doesn't support me. I just want to tell the truth because when you do that and you open yourself up, you reach so many more people and you have a powerful testimony now and the fact that you've been so real on this podcast you're going to this is going to probably be the most impactful podcast that I've done yet, just because you allowed yourself to open up like that. So I appreciate you doing that.
Speaker 2:You're welcome, bro, and you just, you know, I just, I know it's crazy, like you, like you just said, like they support you or not. I'm the same way like when I would, uh, when I got one time at a hope conference um, I think it was in uh, yeah, I was in louisiana. Yeah, it was just, it was in louisiana and, uh, new orleans. I got to talk about the race car, the hemophilia race car. I was, I built to race and they would ask me why, well, if my son couldn't play contact sports, I'm into cars and and you know racing, and so I did that to help out, maybe reach out, another kid with hemophilia that might want to be a race car driver or learn how to, how to be a mechanic, or how to learn how to be a car, how to paint a car or anything to do with the car. That was me.
Speaker 2:And it's crazy, bro, because, uh, when I was talking to that conference, it was like 400 people, my first time ever, like being in front of people, and I'm not a shy guy, man, but uh, but if everybody left to go eat dinner, bro, yeah, I was by myself eating and there was this man, his name's bart, man from florida I don't know if you've met him or not. He actually races, he has, he has many trucks, he races, uh, the many trucks out there. And he waited for me, bro, and I was like what's up, man? Hey, can I talk to you? He's like, yeah. I was like, hey, man, I just wanted, uh, I wanted, I want to say thank you.
Speaker 2:He told me and I was like what I do? He's like thank you for inspiring me, thank you for being a voice and me hearing you to do something to help out my son, and his son was a hemophilia, but I think it was hemophilia a and, bro, yeah, it's that one person we reach la, that one man, father, bro, I didn't expect that to happen and to this day, like we, we talk once in a while on facebook and I'll do it. It's just, it made me feel so good because if I would have said nothing, I would never got to meet. Yeah, and if you would have not yeah, which absolutely 10 years ago if you would have said nothing, I would never got to meet you. If you would have not 10 years ago, if you would have not done that, I wouldn't know who you are.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. So, yeah, yeah, man, putting myself out there has been really scary, but I've, like, dude, I've been so resilient and I just I don't know how I've kept on getting back up, don't know how I've kept on getting back up, but I have, you know, even I would say two years ago now I was chosen to have a documentary shot of my life and bodybuilding and my journey to the stage, and it was a company called Believe Limited I don't know if you know, like Patrick James Lynch, his company, and then I think Santa Fe was the sponsor. But they saw me, they saw my story and they told me that they're going to have a documentary shot. And I was so excited, I was like man, all the hard work, everything I've ever done, like this is my huge opportunity to finally tell my story on the biggest platform. You know, this would have been right after the Bombardier documentary where he climbed the mountains, and so, yeah, the, the crew, camera crew, they, they, you know, over a three month period of time they shot some footage of me, they, they flew out to Vegas to have me compete, and then the documentary was going to be called elite athletes or, yeah, something like the elite athletes with hemophilia, and they had trailers already made and I was.
Speaker 3:I was on social media just posting all about it Like man, I can't wait, can't wait. And you know, anything you start doing. You know, I guess there's haters out there, there's people out there who which is really, really sad but they, they will go the extra mile to figure out how they can stop something from happening. And you know, I ended up getting a call one day from Patrick himself and he said hey, I just want to let you know, I can't give you much details. And he said, hey, I just want to let you know, I can't give you much details, but something happened. You know, they kind of I don't know if it was a single person a group of people said hey, they looked into your past and they don't think that you would be a good leader for our community. And so they basically rebranded the entire documentary and they said we're taking all of your footage out. Your story is no longer going to be told. Wow, all of your footage out, your story is no longer going to be told, wow.
Speaker 3:And I remember I was crushed for for a while and I was just like I'm trying so hard to just to be something, to leave to impact, to just be myself. And it's just like I'm just not accepted, like I'm not accepted for who I like, what I'm trying to do, and I took a long time kind of off. I stopped telling my story but I knew I wasn't done yet. I just had to keep my head down and kind to and try to pivot and I did. And you know I'm proud to say I'm here right now.
Speaker 3:You know I've got the podcast going, I've got the new book. I feel like I'm growing even bigger and it's given me a more of an opportunity to to share a message. And you know I have to look at that time as just another time of adversity where I could have. You know, it's not what happens to you, but it's how you respond to what happens to you that defines who you are as a man. And I just kept on telling myself that and I was like, and you know I'm I'm super proud man. I got to be proud of myself. I think, you know, a lot of times we need to take some time to celebrate some of our successes. You know, sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves.
Speaker 1:But I'm not done yet my story's not over.
Speaker 3:There's this song. It's like God's not done with you and I would just listen to that song and I'm just like, yeah, god's not done, my story's not over, and I just built my faith. Built my faith. Yeah, man, god is good. That's all I'm going to say. God is good and we all have a story, we all have a mission, we all have a purpose and you have to trust it, even through the failures. So I'm proud of you, man. I love your mission. And we're not done yet, man. God's not done. He's got more for us.
Speaker 2:Thank you for that. It just shows to what you've gone through. And having that crush to tell your story, bro, that would have crushed me. I would have been hurt too, man, but you didn't quit, bro. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:They told me this is the first, you're the very first person that I have told. I remember they told me. They told me, when you're hurt like that, you want to just tell people. I wanted to blast them on social media. I was hurt and they told me though hey, we would appreciate you if you just don't tell anybody about this. Wow, I've been waiting for a time to say it and I just figured right now, with you, was the right time to say it, and I just figured right now, with you, was the right time to talk about it. I mean, I don't really want to blow it up or magnify it, but Raw baby, we doing it raw, yeah, but you know what it's just it's time to let it out.
Speaker 2:It felt good, just let it out, though and I'm glad you did, bro, I don't just show.
Speaker 3:Listen we're. We're at about an hour and a half, so I appreciate your time. To every father listening, you know your pain is valid, your strength is sacred and your voice matters Ever. Thank you for showing us that vulnerability is not a weakness and it's a power. This is one of the realest conversations we've had. If it hit home, share it with another dad who needs to hear it. And don't forget, guys new episodes drop every week on Apple, spotify and YouTube. Tap the link in the bio and stick with purpose. Thank you, brother.
Speaker 2:Appreciate you so much. Thank you for having me on, bro. I love you, man. God bless and wish you the best. Yeah, love you too, brother.
Speaker 3:Take it easy. Have a good night, sir. God bless brother.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning into the Hemo Life Podcast. Today's episode hopefully inspired you and provided valuable insights to enhance your journey. Join us again to hear more incredible stories and expert advice from our community. Make sure to subscribe and stay connected with a group of extraordinary achievers and pioneers. On behalf of LA Aguayo and the entire Hemolife team keep pushing forward, strive for excellence and remember you are the architect of your own destiny. Until next time, stay strong, stay inspired and continue on your path to an elite life.