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Episode 9: Fantasy, Identity & Desire — How Orientation, Gender, and Shame Shape Our Erotic Worlds

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why do different people fantasize about different things? Why do some fantasies feel empowering while others feel confusing or taboo? And how do gender, sexual orientation, culture, and shame shape the erotic stories we tell ourselves?

In this solo follow-up to her conversation with Dr. Claire Malantine, Dr. Mallorie Sorce takes listeners deeper into the psychology of sexual fantasy, exploring how identity, biology, attachment, culture, and porn all interact to shape our inner erotic lives. This episode unpacks the myths about “male vs. female fantasies,” breaks down key research findings, and offers a compassionate framework for understanding why your fantasies look the way they do—without shame, fear, or judgment.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why gendered fantasy stereotypes are outdated and oversimplified
• What heterosexual, bisexual, gay, and queer individuals actually report fantasizing about
• Why sexual minorities often have broader, more varied fantasy landscapes
• How cultural norms shape what we believe we’re “allowed” to want
• Why taboo fantasies (like consensual non-consent) are more common than people think
• How porn introduces, reinforces, or expands fantasy themes
• The reinforcement effect: why repeated media exposure shapes desire
• Why arousal ≠ endorsement, and why fantasy ≠ intention
• How to make sense of fantasies that feel confusing or clash with your values
• The three types of sexual shame and how they distort fantasy
• Why shame can both suppress and intensify desire
• The neuroscience of fantasy: dopamine, novelty, and emotional regulation
• How attachment style and sexual self-image show up in your erotic imagination
• Why desire discrepancy in couples is normal—and how fantasy can be a bridge
• How to talk about fantasies with a partner without pressure, panic, or miscommunication
• When to share a fantasy, when not to, and how to do it safely
• Why fantasy is a tool for healing, growth, and emotional connection

Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel confused, curious, or ashamed about their fantasies
• Want to understand how porn shapes (but doesn’t define) their erotic imagination
• Grew up in religious or purity-based environments
• Navigate taboo, intense, or identity-exploring fantasies
• Want to deepen erotic connection in their relationships
• Are learning to talk about desire with a partner
• Want a research-informed, shame-free understanding of fantasy

Mallorie offers warmth, honesty, and clinical clarity as she guides listeners through one of the most misunderstood aspects of sexuality. Her message is simple and empowering:

Your fantasies don’t define you. They illuminate you.

They show what you long for, what you fear, what you’re healing from, and where you want to grow.

Up next: Fantasy, porn, and erotic ethics — how to explore desire with safety, consent, and integrity.

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Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 8: The Psychology of Fantasy — Attachment, Desire & the Meaning Behind What Turns Us On

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why do certain sexual fantasies stick with us? Why do some feel confusing, shameful, or “too much”? And what do our erotic imaginations reveal about belonging, attachment, and emotional needs?

In this intimate and deeply validating episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce sits down with her longtime mentor and supervisor, Dr. Claire Malantine, an internationally recognized therapist, speaker, and award-winning author. Together, they unravel the psychology, neuroscience, and relational meaning behind sexual fantasy, desire, and the porn we’re drawn to.

This episode is a compassionate exploration of why fantasy is a normal, healthy part of human sexuality—and how understanding it can create safety, connection, and better communication in relationships.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why fantasy ≠ intent — and why most fantasies are never meant to be acted out
• How attachment needs like belonging, being wanted, and feeling loved shape erotic imagination
• Why partners can feel threatened by fantasy or porn—and the attachment injuries underneath
• How shame, secrecy, and moral messages distort fantasy and desire
• Why viewing fantasy through behavior-only “addiction” models misses the deeper emotional story
• How to talk about porn and fantasy in relationships without fear, jealousy, or shutdown
• Why exploration and curiosity strengthen intimacy, safety, and erotic flexibility
• How consensual non-consent, BDSM, voyeurism, exhibitionism, and taboo fantasies function psychologically
• Why these fantasies are common—especially among women—and almost never pathological
• The neuroscience of fantasy: dopamine, oxytocin, reward loops, and why the brain revisits certain themes
• When fantasy is healthy, when it’s a coping strategy, and when additional support is needed
• How to help children and teens navigate early exposure to porn with safety—not shame
• Why parents must separate adult interpretation from child development when kids encounter explicit content
• How therapists can become safer guides by addressing their own discomfort around sexual topics

Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel shame, confusion, or curiosity about their fantasies
• Want to talk more openly with their partner about porn and desire
• Grew up with conservative, purity-based sexual messaging
• Are healing attachment injuries or betrayal around pornography
• Want a science-based, sex-positive understanding of erotic imagination
• Are parents or therapists navigating conversations about porn and sexuality

Mallorie and Claire bring humor, honesty, and clinical wisdom to a conversation most people never get to have—one that reframes fantasy as a window into longing, safety, and emotional connection, not as a sign of brokenness.

If you’ve ever wondered why your fantasies look the way they do—and what they actually mean—this episode will leave you f

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 7: How Do You Treat OCSB? Inside the Most Debated Models in Sex Therapy

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

What actually helps when someone feels their porn use is compulsive, distressing, or out of alignment with their values? And why is treating “porn addiction” more complicated than most people think?

In this solo deep-dive episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce unpacks the most widely used — and most controversial — treatment models for Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) and problematic pornography use. Instead of moralizing or fear-based narratives, Mallorie brings research, nuance, and real clinical clarity to a topic that affects countless individuals and couples.

From CBT to 12-step programs to trauma-informed somatic work, she explores what the evidence actually says, where the gaps are, and why no single model fits every person or every relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What OCSB is — and what it isn’t
• Why “porn addiction” isn’t an official diagnosis
• What the latest research reveals about compulsive sexual behavior
• Why CBT currently has the strongest evidence — and its major limitations
• How affect regulation, attachment injuries, and trauma shape porn use
• Why secrecy, shame, and moral distress mimic addiction patterns
• What mindfulness, somatic therapy, and neurobiology offer that CBT doesn’t
• How EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) helps couples rebuild trust and safety
• Why emotionally attuned treatment reduces compulsivity more effectively than shame
• How addiction models like 12-step and Carnes’ 30-task model help some clients — and harm others
• What the Sexual Health Model and TINSA contribute to values-driven, sex-positive healing
• Why individualized, flexible treatment plans matter far more than rigid abstinence goals

Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or confused about their porn use
• Don’t resonate with “addiction” language
• Grew up with religious or moral messaging around sexuality
• Want a shame-free, scientifically grounded understanding of OCSB
• Are healing from betrayal, secrecy, or emotional disconnection
• Work in mental health and want updated, ethical treatment frameworks

Mallorie breaks down not just the behaviors, but the emotional stories beneath them — the trauma responses, attachment wounds, cultural scripts, and unmet needs that make porn a coping strategy for so many. She emphasizes that healing isn’t about achieving sexual “purity”; it’s about alignment, agency, emotional safety, and values-based sexual choices.

If you’ve ever wondered what actually works in treating porn-related distress — or why different people need radically different approaches — this episode brings clarity, depth, and compassion.

Up next: How to rebuild erotic confidence, connection, and trust after porn-related conflict in relationships.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 6: Gender, Shame & the Double Standard — Why Porn Impacts Women and Men Differently

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why do women often feel more shame around porn use than men? Why do men get labeled dysfunctional while women get labeled “betrayed”? And why are both messages rooted in cultural scripts—not science?

In this follow-up episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce and AASECT-certified sex therapist Natasha Helfer dive deeper into Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB)—this time exploring gender differences, research gaps, moral incongruence, and the way religious and conservative cultures shape the meaning we attach to porn.

This is an unfiltered conversation about double standards, sexual shame, erotic autonomy, and how patriarchal conditioning harms everyone—especially women trying to claim their pleasure.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why OCSB is a rare condition—and why most distress around porn has nothing to do with pathology
• How cultural narratives push women to see men’s sexual behavior as betrayal but ignore their own erotic needs
• Why women’s porn use is under-reported—and often shamed into silence
• How gendered scripts shape who’s “allowed” eroticism and who’s punished for it
• Why heterosexual men rarely feel threatened by women’s porn use (and what that reveals)
• How purity culture, modesty teachings, and “good girl” conditioning disconnect women from their erotic selves
• What porn distress actually signals in a relationship—and what it doesn’t
• Why monitoring your partner’s sexual behavior destroys intimacy instead of protecting it
• How couples can move from fear and control to open, grounded, honest sexual communication
• Why the term betrayal trauma is often misapplied—and how that misuse fuels anxiety instead of healing
• How sexual autonomy, fantasy, and self-exploration strengthen intimacy rather than undermine it

Perfect for listeners who:

• Struggle with jealousy, porn anxiety, or feeling “not enough”
• Feel threatened by a partner’s sexuality or fantasies
• Grew up in conservative, modesty-focused, or purity-based cultures
• Want to understand gender differences without stereotypes
• Are deconstructing the porn-addiction lens
• Want healthier conversations about sex, fantasy, and desire

Mallorie and Natasha offer clinical insight, lived experience, and compassionate challenge to help listeners rethink the stories they’ve inherited about gender and sexuality. Their message is clear:

True intimacy can’t flourish where shame, fear, or behavioral policing take the lead.

But when couples create erotic safety, curiosity, and autonomy, pleasure expands—individually and together.

If you’ve ever internalized sexual double standards—or if porn has created conflict in your relationship—this episode will bring clarity, grounding, and real liberation.

Up next: How purity culture still shapes adult sexuality—and how to reclaim your erotic self.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 5: Is It Porn Addiction or Something Else? Understanding OCSB, Shame & Sexual Anxiety

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why do so many people—especially in Utah and conservative religious cultures—believe they’re “addicted” to pornography? And what if the distress isn’t coming from the behavior itself, but from shame, moral conflict, and fear?

In this essential episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce welcomes Natasha Helfer, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and leading expert in religious trauma and sexual shame, for a deep and clarifying conversation about Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB), compulsive sexual behavior, and the myth of porn “addiction.”

Together, they unpack the cultural, emotional, and relational forces that shape how people interpret their porn use—and why the addiction label often causes more harm than healing.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why porn addiction is not an official diagnosis—and what the science actually says
• The difference between OCSB, compulsive behavior, and moral distress
• How religious messaging, purity culture, and fear-based education distort sexuality
• Why many people believe they’re “addicted” even with minimal or healthy porn use
• How shame amplifies compulsive patterns more than the content itself
• Why couples get stuck in painful cycles around porn, secrecy, and resentment
• The role cultural narratives play in shaping sexual expectations and conflict
• What truly constitutes a problematic relationship with porn—and what doesn’t
• How to talk with your partner about porn, boundaries, and desire without spiraling
• Why ownership models of sexuality (“your sexuality belongs to me”) harm both partners
• How couples can rebuild trust, reduce fear, and negotiate sexual values together

Perfect for listeners who:

• Feel distressed about their own or their partner’s porn use
• Grew up in conservative, high-shame, or religious environments
• Have been told porn is addictive, dangerous, or morally destructive
• Want evidence-based, sex-positive guidance instead of fear-based messaging
• Struggle with desire differences, mismatched libidos, or sexual pressure
• Want healthier conversations about porn, boundaries, and autonomy

Natasha and Mallorie offer depth, compassion, humor, and decades of expertise to help listeners rethink pornography—not through panic or shame, but through a lens of context, curiosity, and relational honesty.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your distress around porn is actually about porn—or something deeper—this episode will bring clarity, grounding, and relief.

Up next: Part 2 — How couples can repair betrayal, rebuild sexual confidence, and rewrite their stories around desire and porn.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

Send us a text

Episode 4: Trauma, Fantasy & Porn — Understanding the Meaning Beneath Desire

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why are some people drawn to intense fantasies, extreme porn, or BDSM — especially after trauma? And how do we know when these desires are healing, harmful, or simply misunderstood?

In this deeply insightful episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce sits down with Dr. Holly Richmond, one of the nation’s leading experts in sexual trauma, somatic psychology, and erotic recovery. Together, they unpack how unresolved trauma can shape our sexual desires, fantasies, and porn use — and why the meaning beneath the fantasy matters far more than the content itself.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What trauma mastery is, and why people may unconsciously revisit themes from past trauma in porn or fantasy
• How repetition compulsion and nervous system responses explain patterns that feel confusing or shameful
• Why intense or taboo porn doesn’t necessarily signal pathology — it often signals a deeper emotional need
• How compulsive porn use differs from intentional erotic exploration
• The difference between numbing, self-soothing, and seeking intensity to “feel alive”
• How sexual behavior can regulate the nervous system — both up and down
• Why BDSM can be a profoundly healing space for survivors when practiced with consent, negotiation, and structure
• Understanding consensual non-consent, “forced seduction fantasies,” and why they’re far more common (and normal) than people realize
• How somatic therapy helps survivors reconnect with choice, agency, and eroticism
• Ways therapists can help clients shift from shame to empowerment
• When porn use becomes distressing — and what warning signs actually matter
• How to cultivate erotic flexibility, expand fantasy beyond porn, and rebuild healthy arousal pathways

Perfect for listeners interested in:

• Trauma recovery through a sex-positive lens
• The psychology of porn use and fantasy
• BDSM, kink, and power dynamics
• Nervous system regulation and somatic healing
• Healing sexual shame
• Understanding “taboo” desires without judgment

Dr. Richmond offers grounding, compassionate insights drawn from decades of clinical experience, research, and somatic work. This episode reframes “problematic porn use” and “taboo fantasies” through an entirely new lens — one centered in meaning, nervous system responses, and the human drive for connection, agency, and aliveness.

If you’ve ever wondered why you or someone you love is drawn to certain fantasies — or if you want a shame-free understanding of trauma, desire, and erotic healing — this episode will change the way you think about sexuality.

Up next: Sexual fantasy as a tool for healing — what desire reveals about identity, power, and pleasure.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

Send us a text

Episode 3: From Victorian Censorship to Digital Porn — How Power Shapes Pleasure

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

Why did Victorian England panic over erotic novels? How did early photography, stag films, Playboy, VHS, the feminist sex wars, and the internet transform pornography forever? And what does AI-generated porn mean for the future of consent and desire?

In this sweeping episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce traces pornography’s evolution from the 1700s to today — revealing how sex, censorship, technology, and power have been intertwined for centuries. This is not just a history lesson. It’s a look at how culture decides what counts as “obscene,” who is allowed to express desire, and who gets punished for it.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

• Fanny Hill (1748) — the erotic novel so bold it reshaped the definition of obscenity
• The Obscene Publications Act of 1857 and why Victorian moral panic silenced women, queer people, and working-class sexuality
• The secret vaults (literally) where museums hid erotic artifacts from Pompeii
• How Enlightenment philosophy separated “art” from “desire,” shaping modern porn stigma
• Erotic photography, French postcards, and the rise of underground sexual expression
• How Playboy rebranded porn as lifestyle — and the contradictions beneath the glamour
• The “Golden Age of Porn,” mainstream movie theaters, and the arrival of Deep Throat
• VHS culture, the porn boom, and the feminist sex wars that split the movement
• Queer erotica as a hidden archive of LGBTQ+ history, identity, and resistance
• How the internet revolutionized porn through accessibility, anonymity, and algorithms
• The creator economy: OnlyFans, user-generated porn, empowerment, labor, and exploitation
• The rise of AI-generated deepfakes — and why they’re one of the biggest consent crises of our time
• The growing movement for ethical porn, performer rights, and healthier sexual culture

Perfect for listeners who want to explore:

• Porn history
• Sexual politics and cultural power
• Feminist perspectives on porn
• Queer media and representation
• Technology’s impact on sexuality
• Consent, AI, and ethical erotic content

Dr. Sorce weaves together humor, research, and cultural analysis to show how every era of porn — from Victorian novels to AI deepfakes — reflects the anxieties, laws, hierarchies, and desires of the world that created it.

If you’ve ever wondered how we got from secret erotic manuscripts to infinite digital porn, this episode connects the dots.

Up next: Sexual fantasy and desire — what our inner world reveals about who we are.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 2: The Ancient Roots of Erotica — From Cave Art to Sacred Sex

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

What if pornography isn’t a modern invention at all, but a reflection of something humans have always created, celebrated, and wrestled with?

In this sweeping, cinematic episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce takes listeners on a journey through 33,000 years of erotic history — from prehistoric cave carvings to phallic Roman street signs, from sacred Egyptian fertility gods to medieval penis trees drawn by monks. This episode uncovers the surprising, provocative, and deeply human ways sexuality has always been expressed.

In this episode, you’ll explore:

• Erotic carvings inside Chauvet Cave, some of the oldest sexual art in human history
• How ancient Egypt saw sexuality as divine, spiritual, and life-giving
• Mesopotamian, Indian, Islamic, Chinese, and Japanese erotic traditions that shaped global views of sex
• Pompeii’s explicit brothels, frescoes, and phallic street markers — and why Victorians locked them in a “Secret Cabinet”
• How early erotica blended spirituality, humor, medicine, political power, and social hierarchy
• The origins of fetishism, queer desire, and erotic power dynamics across cultures
• Why medieval Europe wasn’t prudish at all — monks drew dicks in margins, saints wrote erotic poetry, and churches displayed vulva carvings
• How ancient and medieval cultures honored sexuality long before it was moralized, censored, or hidden

This episode is perfect for listeners who want to understand:

• The true origins of pornography
• How erotic expression shaped culture, religion, and power
• Why sex has always been political, spiritual, and deeply human
• How ancient attitudes toward desire differ dramatically from today
• The roots of shame, censorship, and sexual control in the Western world

Dr. Sorce brings storytelling, humor, research, and global history together to reveal a powerful truth:

Before porn was a product, it was a carving, a poem, a ritual, a joke — and a mirror of who we’ve always been.

If you’re fascinated by the intersections of pornography, sexuality, religion, culture, and history, this episode will completely reframe how you see erotic media.

Next up: Part 2 — how Victorian morality, obscenity laws, photography, and the internet transformed ancient erotic expression into the modern porn landscape we know today.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co

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Episode 1: Pornography, Fear, and the Beginning of Healing

Season 1 — Pornography in Context

What happens when everything you were taught about pornography creates fear, anxiety, and shame—and how do you begin to heal?

In this raw and revealing first episode of Complex Sex, Dr. Mallorie Sorce shares the personal story that shaped her clinical work, her marriage, and her doctoral research on sex and pornography. Raised in a home where porn was seen as dangerous and destructive, Mallorie carried those beliefs into adulthood—only to face betrayal, confusion, and emotional turmoil in her early relationships.

This episode dives into the heart of that journey and lays the foundation for an honest, research-based season exploring the truth about pornography, desire, and modern intimacy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How childhood messages about sex and porn shape adult relationships
• Why “porn fear” and secrecy are so common—and how they impact intimacy
• What really happened when Mallorie discovered her partner’s hidden porn use
• How they rebuilt trust, communication, and sexual connection
• Why “sex addiction” is controversial—and how Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) offers a more compassionate, sex-positive alternative
• How shame, trauma, and attachment can influence sexual behavior
• Why understanding porn contextually matters more than judging it morally

This episode is perfect for listeners who:

• Struggle with porn use in their relationship
• Carry shame, fear, or religious conditioning around sexuality
• Want a modern, research-informed perspective on porn
• Are healing from betrayal or secrecy
• Want to explore sexuality without stigma or judgment

Mallorie also offers three powerful reflection questions to help you understand your own relationship with pornography:

1. What messages did you receive about porn growing up?
2. Have you ever felt shame or secrecy around porn?
3. What would a healthy relationship with porn look like for you?

If you’re ready to replace fear with curiosity and shame with understanding, this episode is your starting point.

Welcome to Complex Sex—where we explore the truth about pornography, relationships, intimacy, and the stories we carry.

Support the show

Follow Dr. Mallorie Sorce:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmalloriesorce

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorie-sorce-8729a1122

Learn more at: https://www.healingheartscounseling.co