A Day in the Life of Rabbi Patrick Beaulier

Get the inside secrets on what it's REALLY like to be a rabbi.

• What “work” means when your job is community  
• Coffee with the rabbi as pastoral care and first contact  
• Protecting lunch time, health, and sustainable boundaries  
• Shabbat prep realities, hosting at home, and security logistics  
• Volunteer culture, delegation, and learning to say "I need help"
• Unexpected calls from hospitals and outside community requests  
• The limits of a part-time role and the tradeoffs behind saying no  
• Weddings, funerals, and lifecycle work as service and income  
• The long-term dream of a dedicated prayer and event space next to a gym and we'll call it S A N C T U A R Y

If you can, please go to kehillahrva.org/donate to keep this podcast flourishing. And if you have questions, email rabbi@rabbipatrick.com.  

Transcript

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If you enjoyed this podcast, we could really use your help. We really love your support. Uh, this podcast is not funded by anybody other than you. So the fact that you're hearing it on the schedule that you're hearing it is because people like you really love this podcast and want to support it. So if you can, please go to kahila rva.org forward slash donate. That's kahila rva.org. Forward slash donate links are down here. Just five bucks a month, guys. Seriously. If you want my time, if you want me to do this, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks a lot and enjoy the show. So this episode is a day in the life of a rabbi, or at least this particular rabbi, because it's about 8 52 in the morning, and my day started about two hours ago. And um, I just thought, I kind of tell you what like what do I do all day? What does a rabbi actually do? What does it look like? Because I think there's misconceptions about what a rabbi does all day, but then there's also misconceptions about maybe what this particular rabbi would do all day. So as Jay Vaughn would say, let's get into it. Um let's get our cover note in order. So you can close your eyes, take some deep breaths, whatever you need to do. Maybe this is what you listen to when you just need something to listen to, other than true crime. Or maybe this is something that you listen to while you're jogging. Maybe this is something that you listen to when you know you're not gonna make it to an event and you just need a little something Jewish, something to help you feel connected. Or maybe you just happen to like my really nasally middle-aged voice. I don't know. I don't know what you're into. Um, but let's take a minute and set our intentions, and I'm gonna read to you the prayer that I say every morning. Which means, as translated by our Sidur from Rabbi David Saslo, I offer thanks to you, sovereign, life of eternity, you have mercifully restored my soul within me. Your faithfulness is great. So, yeah, so this is the Modeani, this is the morning prayer, and I say this to myself every morning. I didn't know what his English translation was, so I'm looking at our sidor right here. By the way, I should tell you if you're interested in purchasing the sidor, uh, you can do that. It's a set. So you have the Shabbat and the weekday, and it's$36 together. Um, and you're welcome to buy it, or you'll just see it here at Shabbat Services and cool stuff like that. So I figure starting there is kind of a good point uh because that's how I start my day. So, what is a day in a life of a rabbi? Well, I wake up. That's good so far, waking up. And then I pretty much get right into it. So um part of what inspired this particular episode was a congregant who was leaving sort of after a the purim party that we had. And by the way, that purim party, that was amazing. Oh my God, we partied so hard on a Monday, right? Cursed be Haman, blessed be Mordecai. Um, so they were walking out the door and and they were all sort of talking about uh, you know, the fact that it was Monday, and um, you know, what time did you have to go to work the next day and how late could you stay up and et cetera, et cetera. And I kind of made this glib dad joke where I said, Well, I'm at work right now. And someone said, Well, but rabbi, is it really work? And I, and it's funny because um yeah, it is work that it's my job, right? I'm the rabbi, right? I'm the rabbi for Kihila. So when I'm at a Kihila event or I'm out representing the community in some capacity or another, yeah, I'm at work. If I'm at the JCC, I'm at work. If I'm picking up meat at Trader Joe's for uh a dinner, yeah, I'm at work. And if you're at my house and we're doing Kijila stuff, yeah, I'm at work. Um, and so I think it kind of caught the person like slightly off guard in a fun way. Um, that, you know, I would say that this is my job. And and the reason why is that I think for a lot of people, work or a job is a thing you go to, and hopefully you like it, but it's not necessarily your passion, or maybe you have other passions other than what you do to earn some bucks to pay the bills. Um and so something like this, something that like I've worked really hard to have in my life, and that I'm really blessed to be able to do all day, and that is my full-time work. I'm only a rabbi. Um, you know, I think for some people it's like, but is it really a job? Right? People say that expression. Um, you know, if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. Nonsense. Nonsense. I work really hard. Um, not all of it is the things that I want to do at any given time. Um, so that kind of inspired me to do this day in the life of a rabbi. So I'm gonna take you through what my day looks like. Um, there's no such thing as a day that's exactly the same. Um, today, for example, is a very quiet day, hence the opportunity to sit down and do some podcasting. So here I am with Jayvon's mug uh filled with coffee. He doesn't drink coffee, nor does he drink out of this mug. So I don't know if it's still Jayvon's cup at this point. But anyway, I'm sitting here with his smiley face mug. Let me tell you what I got going on. So every morning after Moda and Ni, I come downstairs and make the coffee and I feed the cats, because you have to feed the animals before you feed yourself. That's a Torah rule. Uh, and the cats appreciate that one. It's the only part of Judaism my cats care about. And then I sit in the chair that's closest to the tiki room. So if you're kind of looking into our kitchen with those two big chairs, by the way, shout out to Carol and Don Freewald because they're the ones that gave us those chairs when we moved into that house. So the chair that's on the right is typically the one that I'll sit in, unless I sit on the one on the left, because I don't think that Stephanie's gonna be awake uh, you know, at a certain time. And she honestly, that is her chair. That's the best chair in the house. Um for some reason. I think it's because you can see the front door um to the kitchen, and then you can also see the back door into the garage. I think. I think that's why it's the best in the house. I think you can see everybody. But anyway, um, so I sit down. I try to do some kind of little study, something in the morning. So it helps if I'm preparing for Shabbat, because I have to have something to say. Um, it also helps if I'm particularly passionate about a topic at the moment. Um, so I'll be exploring that more. I also have several websites that I really love. So um, for example, I'm a huge fan of the Tabs project, T-A-B-S. So that website is thetorah.com. TheTorah.com. And it's really this intersection of scholarship and faith that I happen to love. And you guys have seen tons of the study sheets that I've done based on them. They're they're fantastic. I want to write for them one day, but I'm not as good a scholar as those people. So I'll generally do some reading there. I'll be reading something out of a Siddur or a Moksor or the Haggadah. Again, this depends like on what the season is and not just the season of the Jewish community, but kind of the season of my life and when I'm what's important to me. Sometimes that's five minutes, sometimes it's an hour. It just really depends on the day. Um, so my prayer time is kind of connected to that. So I tend to, after I say mudani, I'll go downstairs um and I pray alone. Um, I would prefer it if I could pray with a group, if I could pray with a minion. And here's here's like the vision for this. Okay, so I I've had this idea for years. So everyone loves coming over to our house, but you reach a certain point where you just can't have more people, right? We can't fit 50 people in there for um, you know, high holidays or a SAD or or 100 people for a Hanukkah party. It's just not gonna happen. Um, so we bounce around to all these different venues, and I, you know, like if I could have it my way, which it's not all about me and it's not my way, it's about the community and the community's needs. Um, there would be some kind of separate, dedicated space, something like the size of second arrow. If you haven't been there yet, our second arrow events are awesome. You need to go. But something like the size of Second Arrow, um, but dedicated to us. And I could just go there and there would be a minion, and we could just pray, and that would be good. And it would be even better if it was next to a gym. That would be like my ideal, but I don't live in the world of ideals. So anyway, so do my thing in the morning, do my study, do a little reading. At a certain point, Rebitson's gonna come downstairs. She may have already been up before me. She might be coming home from the gym, depends on her schedule. Uh, one thing you should know about me is that uh I am always a day behind on the news. So I don't look at the news except in the morning. Um, and I don't look at it ever again. You know, unless there's a major emergency locally or something like that. So I have no idea what's going on. I'm pretty much 1990s when it comes to uh the news. And there's actually been several moments where I've had gaffes because I had no idea what was going on in the news, and everyone else did. So anyway, so I do all of that, and then usually we're getting to around 10 o'clock. So by 10 a.m., I've knocked out all my email and as much of my administrative work as I can for the day. So, you know, we got an event coming up. Who do I need to talk to? Um, you know, right now we're planning Passover, you know, talking to the venue. We had a meeting last night, following up on that meeting. People are starting to RSVP for stuff and have questions. So getting all of that type of work out of the way, I try to do as early as possible. So that's why you'll sometimes get an e form email from me at like 7 a.m. Also, fun fact most of you really love it when emails from Kihila come around 7, 7:30, and when text messages come around 10:30. Something I've learned about you over the years. So that's why I try to knock that stuff out as early as I can. In some cases, I'll do that stuff later the fall the previous day and then send it out, you know, around that time. So there's times I've actually written like emails like, hey, thank you for your help or hey, whatever. And instead of sending it at four o'clock in the afternoon, I'll wait and send it at 7 a.m. the next day because that's when people like to open email from me. Don't know why. Just is what it is. Um, so shower, do the normal human things. Then we're getting into sort of the coffee with the rabbi time. Um, sometimes that means I'm going somewhere. Sometimes that means you're coming to me. I've been promoting this idea of people coming to me more for a couple of reasons. One, it's cheaper, right? We're not having to meet somewhere, buy each other coffee, or you have to buy your own thing, or I'm buying something for you. We don't have to deal with all of that. And uh just the hospitality, too, that you can just come over and hang out, you know, just like you do on Shabbat. And this is really this coffee with the rabbi is great because it gives me an opportunity to get to know you. Because when there's 20 people at the house, or there's 50 people at the Seder, or there's a hundred people at the Hanukkah party, I get, you know, milliseconds with you. Um, I don't know how many of you have been watching The Pit, um, but I that's kind of how I feel at big events. I almost feel like I'm running an ER, you know, just bouncing around thing to thing to thing to thing. So I don't get to have those truly um intimate conversations. And that's what I really love about coffee with the rabbi. Um, you know, you sometimes people want a rabbi, like like almost like capital R rabbi. Um, and you have these like deep spiritual questions. Sometimes you just want to talk about your life. Um, sometimes you have questions about me. Um, and so that's what I'm there for. You know, there's also a certain kind of person who they don't necessarily want a rabbi. They like the idea of knowing this person named Patrick, who is a rabbi. So there's kind of a difference there sometimes. Um, just depends on what people's needs are. And I I'm good, hopefully, with God's help, in being those different kinds of things, right? So we have a congregate, for example, where to him I'm Patrick, but like he will call me his rabbi. And then there's other people in the congregation where it's like that is rabbi, and he is rabbi. And it's almost like when you're a kid and you're in school, and then you see the teacher at like the grocery store, and it weirds you out because it's like, how could you be anywhere except in school at the desk? Like, so for some people, that's who I am. Um, and that's okay too. I can be all of those things. The thing about it is, um, it's truly an honor because you're letting me into your life, and uh I get to know you better. And we get to talk about the community and what we're up to, what our values are, what's meaningful to us. Um, so sometimes meeting with me is an introduction. I will say that the number of these kinds of meetings has gone up over time. Um, there's a culture now of you get to know the clergy first before you ever attend anything. So sometimes I feel like I'm on a blind date with somebody where like I have to show my best to represent you. Um, and because, you know, we live in a time where people feel maxed out like pretty quickly, right? Like you used to be people I knew could go to like two or three things a week. And, you know, whether it's you know, going to the movies and then going out with a friend and then going to show or whatever. People nowadays are like one thing a week people. Um, I don't know if it's because Netflix is that good. I don't know if you know, outside events are that bad, not sure. But um what I found is that people aren't ready to just jump into something. Like people struggle to just come to an event and try it out. Um, I think a lot of us are more introverted than we used to be. Um, so meeting the rabbi first to kind of suss things out is becoming more and more common. So I I try to do obviously those coffee with the rabbis are going to be somewhere else. So I'm gonna meet you at Brick Road or Starbucks or Grit or wherever you want to be. And then people who know us a little better, people who've come to something, things like that, will do coffee with the rabbi at my house. So by then, um, I'm getting into lunchtime and I have to force myself to be free at this time. I know a lot of people want to do coffee with the rabbi at noon because that's what's convenient for their work schedules. And I've had to stop doing that because I have to feed myself. Um, I only eat breakfast maybe one or two days a week, and I've had some issues with just sort of disordered eating, where um I use food to reward myself, or I've had trouble with binge eating. Um, I've had trouble with food restriction, you know, saying that I could live on coffee all day until dinner, uh, sort of things like that. Um, you know, I've I've had issues with sugar uh at times in my life. So I really have to be mindful that no, I need to eat, and the world isn't made better by me having three coffee dates in a row and surviving on coffee, tea, and lattes, right? It's just not, that's not fair. So I very intentionally block out that time. And I know that there are people that that um could be frustrating for because that means I'm not gonna take that wedding phone call or I'm not gonna be able to do that hangout at the time that's absolutely perfect uh for your schedule. And uh there are people that I don't get to meet because of that. Um, and that's really unfortunate, but also I have to take care of myself too. So that's kind of a take care of myself time. Then we get into sort of the early afternoon. I I sometimes have appointments. Generally speaking, people are too busy then. So this is when I get into projects. So um anything that I need to do that's a little bit bigger, you know, I need to write a Devartara, I need to work on some, you know, artsy stuff in Canva for marketing, or um, maybe there's an appointment at Federation, uh, just anything that's kind of bigger picture, bigger stuff. Also in this sort of early afternoon time, if I have personal things I need to deal with, if it's kind of a quiet, quiet news day, that's when I'll go out and run personal errands, or I'll do grocery shopping for the congregation. So uh this is when I kind of keep myself pretty busy. Now, if it's truly a day off off, what I'll do is I'll just do that morning emailing and things like that. Uh, won't have coffee with the rabbi. I will actually go to a couple of places in Richmond that I like to hide out in. So there are these different sort of venues, coffee shops, places that I go. And sometimes people see me there and it's fun. But um, I I mostly kind of keep that to myself uh because I need to kind of hide sometimes, right? I need my own chill. And the thing about working from home and also having your home be where you, you know, have people and you you live your Jewish life, all these other things. Sometimes this space for me isn't really home, right? It's it's a venue. And so it helps me to go somewhere where I can kind of hide out. So I go to one of my hiding places. They're all in Richmond. So I try to make an excuse to maybe if I'm gonna do coffee with the rabbi, normally I could meet that person here. Instead, I'll meet them in town. That way it gets me there. Um, and I'll have my actual day off and I'll enjoy it down there, do the fun things I like to do, go to my secret hiding places, which a lot of people would be very surprised where I like to hide out at. But I'll do my kind of hideout stuff, and that's sort of fun. Um also in that early afternoon time, if I, you know, am working, that's when I do my Zoom calls, uh, things like that. I try to go for walks and I'll call friends of mine. Uh, so like my friend Ben, uh, he and I always talk in this early afternoon time. Um, also go see my mother. That's another thing I tend to do in the early afternoon. So then come home from whatever thing I'm doing. Um, I try, if it's a weekday, to take that late afternoon time off. I'm not very good at it, um, but I do the best I can. I try to take that time to uh, you know, play video games. I have an Oculus, it's the only gaming thing I have, but like playing video games, I try to learn something, uh, praying, meditating, um, watching YouTube videos. That's one of my ways that I really like to learn. Um, I've also been working with Notebook LM and creating these kind of classes for myself so that I can digest a lot of different things in a topic at once. Uh, so I've been kind of doing that a little bit. So during the weekdays, that's when I tend to do that stuff. Um, but when we get into Shabbat mode, whole other ball game. Late afternoon is cooking like a storm. So usually someone will come over and help. So, you know, shout out to Jacob. I will say that uh if it's a Friday and I'm feeling particularly under the gun, uh, Stephanie will get home from work and we may have a little pregame in the tiki room before any of you show up. So that's kind of fun. Uh, that just gives us a little bit of time because we're not gonna have Shabbat together. Yes, she'll be there, but and we'll lead the service and all these other things, but it's not us together. Um so we'll kind of have that little, you know, 30-ish minutes together as well. Um, and then we move into the evening. So if it's Shabbat, people are gonna start coming over. Um, or we're gonna go to a venue and start something up. There's pros and cons to this. So one of the pros of having people come over is I don't have to go anywhere. So that's great. Stuff doesn't have to get schlepped. That's that's truly um helpful. On the other hand, you are doing things at home, right? So that has its own uh advantages and disadvantages. But the disadvantage of doing things at home is that, you know, my house is a wreck. So I've got to clean it up before everybody shows up. And then people show up and then you clean up afterwards. So a little bit of extra work in that way. So I think it probably all evens out on some level. So, you know, getting food ready or getting to a venue, making sure we have everything. Um, this is when I start getting the text messages about, you know, are people coming? Are they not coming? Do I need is an extra person coming? Oh my God, I forgot to RSVP. Can I still come? You know, so we get a lot of that stuff around that time. And it's really helpful because for security purposes, we need to know everyone who's coming. So, you know, that's kind of when that stuff's going on. So on a Shabbat, that's what I'm gearing up for. I'm making sure sure that cold food is cold and hot food is hot. It's actually one of the most complicated things that you can do in food and beverage. Um, you know, people start coming over. I give people little jobs to do. That's really helpful. One of the great things about Kihila, everybody comes over and says, How can I help? That's that's the number one thing. How can I help? And I wish that the help could be a little bit earlier in the day. Um, because I could use a little more help with that than sort of, you know, where do the plastic forks go? Um, there's only so many of those jobs available, but there's plenty of jobs pre-event. Um, and just a personal um area that I want to grow in is being able to ask for that help. Um, I've not been good about that. And that's something that I want to do better about because this is your community, you own it. It's about what you're creating, and I need to give more space to others to be creative. Um, And to be supportive. Um, I had been in a clergy role long before Kihila, where I felt very burned and burned out. Um, and it's because I didn't work with people to design a community where you're helping one another. You know, you're giving to one another, where you're taking responsibility, taking action. I had created a model where, you know, I kind of did everything and put everything on myself and and all that. And it pushed people out in a way. Um, and so that's something I've I've tried to get a lot better at. Most of my life has been in entrepreneurship. And so I'm used to paying people to do things, right? Uh though still to this day, like managing volunteers is a concept I struggle with. Um, I'm used to either you're getting paid to do something, so I manage your time, or I'm being paid to do something, so I do all the work. Um, and so this kind of volunteer stuff is an area I want to grow in personally, being better about asking for the help that I need and knowing what people are capable of. And, you know, when is it too much, or when is it not enough? Um, and that's something that I want to learn to be better at. So that's Shabbat. We're gearing up, all of that. If it is not Shabbat, then it's gonna be dinner with the family. Um, I cook almost every meal. Um, Javon right now is working like an insane person. So I hardly ever see him. It's kind of like, you know, when you had that roommate who was never home, like she was always at her boyfriend's house, right? It's it's one of those kinds of things. Um and he works kind of later into the evening. So that's more of sort of Stephanie and I time. Um, but when we can have like a dinner together, you know, we we definitely do that. Um if it's Saturday night, I have a Havdala ritual that I do. So I will turn on the lamps in the tiki room and I say a bracha, hamavdil beinkodesh lachol, and I'm turning on all of these lights, and uh that's usually when we order food. So Saturday night, unless we have friends that we're spending time with or whatever, we'll order food out. Um, and so if Javon is around, it's chicken fiesta because he was the one who started this ritual of us eating chicken fiesta in the tiki room on Saturdays. Um, it was the first time that he sort of really, I would say, took a kind of ownership over what the family structure, rituals, patterns are. Um, and so I really like to honor that, that that's something that he brought into the family was this idea that that's what we did. And of course, we do it every Saturday night. So uh, you know, I've had so much chicken fiesta that it's insane. Um, but I I look forward to it when we have it. So that's kind of what the evenings tend to look like. Nights are TV of some kind. So right now, really into this show Will Trent, um, because it's based in Atlanta and that's where I'm originally from. And so I I like the Atlanta references and the Atlanta vibe in the show. It's it's just so different than Richmond. Um, Richmond sometimes can feel like in any town USA. Um, like you could take Richmond and you could put it in any river city and it would pretty much match up. Atlanta has a vibe that you you don't get anywhere. It's a whole other ball game. And so sometimes I miss that culturally. I don't miss the city at all. Um, I have a few friends there I miss, obviously. Um, but at the same time, like the vibe is just different. So I like to watch some of these Atlanta shows just to kind of remember what it is that I came from. So kind of into that, uh I've been uh re-watching episodes of Rick and Morty. Um there's a few YouTubers I like to follow that are subject matter oriented. So there's a woman named Brittany who does a show called Memories and Mojitos, and she's um like a travel um all-inclusive resort uh travel agent. And so she does these videos about these different places she goes. It's it's like cute. Like, I don't know, it's cute. Uh there's a guy named Greg who does a show called How to Drink. Um, haven't been watching his stuff as much, uh, but that's some stuff I've been doing. And then if I do feel like watching the news, um that's when I'll watch the news, is basically on YouTube. Um also been doing Bridgerton, kind of been, you know, like into that, um, just to space out because I'm so I've been binge watching Will Trent, and now I'm running out of episodes. So I'm trying to like space it out a bit. So I've been doing Bridgerton again. Um I need to find some new shows to watch though. I'm getting a little bored. So TV time, uh, I'm usually, you know, ready for bed at 10 o'clock at night. Um, I tend to listen to podcasts when I fall asleep. It's something that Javon does too. Um, so I'll put on usually like a Jewish history podcast or some kind of interview show type thing, and I'll just pass out to that. So that's typically what a day in my life looks like. Uh, you know, not exactly the most exciting stuff, but um it's wonderful for me. So let me tell you some of the things that punctuate my day. So, so you kind of have a sense now of what that looks like, right? You know, Shabbat holiday stuff obviously will change things around. But here's the things that um will sort of surprise you. So sometimes you get a phone call from VCU, uh, the hospital, and someone says, Hey, we have, you know, a Jewish patient, can you come see them? Or the VA hospital, you know, they'll reach out to me and say, Hey, we have a Jewish patient, you know, will you come see them or can you help us with something? Um, sometimes I get these emails that could potentially move us in like exciting directions. Um, so I got one from um, I'll just say a store, we'll call it a store, that said, Hey, would you be willing to do a big menorah lighting and we'll pay for a bunch of things, whatever. So sometimes you're talking to people about things like that and and negotiating. And, you know, I that was a thing where, okay, I had to jump in the car and, you know, go check something out. And Stephanie came and we kind of looked at something. It was something that wasn't going to work out. Um, but uh it was still like a fun, you know, like adrenaline boost of like, where could this go? What could we do here? Um, things like that. So sometimes those things happen and they're kind of a fun punctuation as part of the job. Um, and then there's communal sort of things that I get asked to be part of. So um, I'll get, you know, the JCC will be doing an event or federation will be sponsoring something, and they need the rabbis to come together. Um, and so if I'm available, I'll go to that. Now, a thing that's really important, and it's it's hard for me to stress to people, is that with Kahila, I'm part-time. So I am a full-time rabbi. Being a rabbi is all I do. Um, but in terms of my responsibilities, it's sort of a thing where I have to carve it up pretty, you know, neatly. So I'll get asked all the time, like, will you come to this event or will you promote this event or will you um, you know, take part in this panel, this board, will you join this committee, whatever? And 99% of the time I say no. And the reason why is if you take a four-hour day, right? That's part-time. So four-hour day, five days a week, um, how much of that do I commit to different things? So, how much of that 20 hours should be coffee with the rabbi? How much of that 20 hours should be uh the Shabbat dinner we're having that week or the Torah study we're having that week? How much of that 20 hours needs to be saved up in the event that something's gonna happen and there's gonna be an emergency and I'm gonna be needed? Um, and then how much of that after that should be extracurriculars? Now, there are people who feel differently than that. They feel like, no, you're a community rabbi, you need to be at things, you need to be more present, stuff like that. Great. My way of looking at this is okay, so what would you like to sacrifice for that time? Do you not want the food for the event, right? Or should a volunteer do that instead? Um, and who's gonna make sure that that volunteer is able to follow through? Because sometimes life happens and they get busy or or they, God forbid, have something happen to them. So, how how do you want to handle that? Or um, you know, maybe we need to do a fundraiser. Okay, well, um, so instead of, you know, doing the fundraising, who is going to give so that then I can be out uh at that big event where all the rabbis are gonna be, or or uh interfaith clergy or whatever. So that's where I tend to like really hold back my time. Um and I really try to preserve that as much as I can. Now, the downside to this is that you look like you don't care. And that stinks. And I hate that for Kahila, right? Um, at the same time, I just have to be careful. Time is the only non-renewable resource. And so really important to be mindful of how much you do and for whom and how and and sort of things like that. So so when it comes to things that are outside of the community, I I tend to do very little. Uh, I had a mentor of mine who he was at everything, and he was just that personality. I'm not that personality. Also, at Kahila, the community wants different things. And these are things that most rabbis don't do. Like most rabbis don't open their home to people. Uh, most rabbis are not hosting events in their living room, right? Things like that. So the community has different needs, and so I need to make sure that I appropriate the correct amount of time to what the community is asking for, not these things that, you know, broader Richmond, Virginia wants. Does that mean you can feel left out because you don't see your rabbi on something? Yeah, yeah, you totally can. Um, but then that's just a conversation that evolves over time. Okay, let's talk about weddings and funerals, marrying and burying. So, quite a lot of that in my life. And that's another one of those things where you have to be careful about appropriating time. So there's a certain amount of what we call life cycle that I do. Moving here, I would say quadrupled the amount of that that I do. Um, just that's just how it landed. That's my rabbinate. Um, and so at Kahila, we appropriate a certain amount of time for me to go out and officiate anything that the community needs, right? Sorry, different congregants have, you know, you get married, you have children, you have a relative who passes away, and you need someone to help. So you have all that time. And that's kind of, you know, just part of being a rabbi. You do those things. There are also a lot of people who are unaffiliated, who come to Richmond for a wedding. There are people who are from the Northern Virginia area and they want to go into the Shenandoah and they need someone who would be willing to help there. And that's sort of something that Kihila gives time to, so that then I can be supportive there. It is one of the many ways that Kihila earns income. So I draw a salary. I don't make extra money if I work harder. I don't make extra money if more people come, you know, for Shabbat or whatever. That's not how it works. Um, so I will go out and do those things provided that the community doesn't already have things on the books. Um, and of course, if there's times where I'm on vacation or whatever, I'm not gonna do certain things. Um, but this this allows for that time to serve these unaffiliated people. And that's a service of the community, meaning it my time is something that is gifted to people outside of Kihila to serve them in that way. Um, and so that's truly an honor. And so we have a whole system uh by which people email me and we talk and we have certain wedding packages, or if I get a call from a funeral home, there's a particular procedure, particular set of steps for how that works. Um so having time appropriated to that is also incredibly important. And one thing I'll tell you is just a little bit of inside baseball. People get married in the spring and in the fall, and they do that because people want outdoor weddings. And so here's the thing like I I love, you know, being helpful, but in the fall, weddings in the fall, that breaks me. I am a broken man. Because, you know, at the end of the day, there's only so many of those I can do. And um, and they're everywhere, right? So it's not just you know, Richmond, right? Like it's driving to God only knows, somewhere like right on the border of Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Virginia, right? Or it's driving to DC, or it's driving to Virginia Beach or Norfolk or wherever. So there's all of that sort of commuting back and forth and around, um, in addition to, you know, actually serving these people, um, and then having like Yom Kippur two days later, right? So um the fact that I am willing to do those things, uh, sometimes even on holidays or whatever, um, or not holidays, I should say, but um, during times where traditional Judaism doesn't have um weddings and things like that, um, also means that I'm gonna be out a lot more. You know, I won't be at home the way some people would be. But again, it depends on how much of that time is allocated by Kihila for that help. And does that help provide something to Kihila? Are we serving our mission or is Rabbi just driving all over Virginia? And so there's been times where it's felt more like, hey, rabbi's just driving all over Virginia. And in those times, we've actually really been more mindful about no, no, no, we gotta like call this back a little bit. So if I could have it my way, what I would do is we would have some kind of space. Like I said, the the space where I could pray every morning and there's a gym next door, right? Um in the perfect world. And also we would use it as a wedding venue, um, you know, so that then we could earn some income that way. I could stay home more. Um, I really, the older I get, the less of the sort of adventure driving to officiate a wedding or a funeral or a baby naming I want to do. I want to stay home a lot more. I want to stay close to my family. My son is 21 now, um, and he's gonna go off soon and have his, you know, great big life adventures. And um, and so just the older I get, the more I just want to be here and I want to serve the people who are here. And obviously, it's an honor to get to go out and do these other sort of things. Um, it's exciting when I get invited to go speak somewhere and there's an honorarium for Kahila or whatever. Um, but I I'd rather just be home. So that's kind of something that in my dream of dreams, if we could figure that out, that would be really awesome. So if anyone happens to have some extra real estate laying around that they wouldn't mind having turned into a venue, I even came up with a name, Sanctuary. Yeah, sanctuary. Like a micro venue where we can host everything and um we could also use it for like life cycle type stuff too. That's my yep, that's my big project. If someone wants to drop 50 grand on that idea, um, they're welcome to do so. Anyway, so this life cycle stuff, that's like in addition to that, holidays are nuts. This is where there's just lots of moving parts. And so you're dealing with things like the venue, you have volunteers who are fantastic, and you need to tell them what your needs are, how you're gonna work things out. We had a Passover meeting last night, right? So we're talking about everything from like Seder plates that we order to you know the food and whatever. This morning I was looking up uh case pack prices on kosher wine. So this is the kind of stuff where you just really kick into high gear. Um, this month is kind of nuts because um I had lots of weddings and baby namings and other things. And then on top of that, we have Passover, like uh April 1st and 2nd, right? And then I'm gonna be gone. So I'm gonna go on vacation. So we really needed to pack in a lot of stuff. Uh also we were dealing with venues, right? So we have second arrow and their schedule, and you know, we need security and all these other things. But what ended up happening is uh basically from March 20th to April 2nd, we have an event almost every day, right? So like that's just gonna be this compacted amount of time. And I know that's actually kind of a bad idea. What you should do is you should have something, you know, every week, but like Shabbat, you know, Friday night every other week, or Torah study or chant service every other week, um, instead of just having one big glob of events like Friday, Saturday, then something during the week, then Friday, Saturday, then something during the week, then Passover. Um, because I get, you know, we charge tickets instead of membership. So if we cram everything in one sort of week and a half period, people aren't necessarily going to come to a lot of stuff, right? They're gonna pick that one thing during that period of time that they can come to. Um, so I get it. It doesn't work out perfectly, and that's partially because of life cycle, because I have to save that time. Um, and the schedule just lands the way it does. You know, when we're negotiating with a venue, what times do they have available? Things like that. So that's why you have a weird schedule like this March, where just like leading up to Pesach is insane. So kind of planning all of that stuff and making sure now, uh, let's see, I'm about nine days away from the beginning of this intense time period, just making sure that I'm in a good place mentally and spiritually, that I've, you know, written everything I want to say, that I've studied everything I want to study, so that then when I'm in it, I'm not trying to figure out what to do. Having said that, a very dear friend of mine, Rabbi Sandy Zisser, wonderful man. Uh, Rabbi Sandy said, you know, you're not really a rabbi until you've written the sermon during the Amidah. And that's kind of true. Anyway, so that's what holidays kind of look like. That's what a normal week looks like, that's what a Shabbat looks like, that's what the life cycle kind of looks like. Um, I've given you a little insight into my personal life and also my great big dream that one day we'll have a wedding venue, slash, you know, event space, slash place I can pray, slash way to keep me at home instead of driving around all over Virginia. But that's it. That's the life. Um, and if you have any questions, if you want to know more about that, um, you know, you just let me know. Send me an email. We got all kinds of great events coming up, so I'm gonna go on ahead and let you know. So, as I mentioned in the podcast, oh my god, all of the things. Okay, so Shabbat dinner and service at Second Arrow on Friday, March 20th. So we're gonna have a full dinner and then we're gonna have actual Shabbat services with Rabbit Sin leading and music by Robin the next day, and that's in Churchill. In the next day, we're gonna be in the Lothian My House Torah study. Now, you want to know about Passover? It's gonna be held at Commonwealth Autism. So that's in Bon Air, it's near Trader Joe's. So family friendly, interfaith friendly, all are welcome. Love to have you Wednesday and Thursday. So we're doing both nights as of right now. So this is like, I don't know how many weeks out we are, three weeks out. Um, we've already sold about a third of the tickets for night one. So very, very important. If you want to come, you've got to get tickets, friends. Please do not wait until the last second. Everybody does that. It drives me bananas. So please make sure, get your tickets. Love to have you. Um, there are free tickets for all of these events. You know, the the second arrow event, um, you know, is in Church Hill. That does have a ticket. The Torah Study that has a ticket. But here's the thing: any of these ticketed events, it's gonna be free for volunteers. And we need volunteers. Like for Passover, come on, we need volunteers. Uh, shout out to the people who have already been willing to volunteer. Jacob, Jantique, Jessica, I'm noticing these are all Jay names. That's very curious. Um, Leslie, all of the people who have offered to help in different ways, but we need more people. So if you need a free ticket and you're really kind of willing to put some sweat equity into this thing, then please help us out. Send me an email, rabbi at rabbipatrick.com. Um, really could use your help. If you if you've been listening to this podcast and you're like, man, this guy does a lot. This is kind of crazy. Um, yeah, help out. I could use your help. What are the three hardest words to say in the English language? I need help. And Rabbi Patrick era saying, I need help. And if you need a free ticket, hey, kismet. Anyway, thank you so much, everyone, for listening to the podcast. Please support the podcast. Send us a donation of any kind that you can remember, you matter.