Positive Solutions for Families: Simple Strategies for Family Success

Join hosts Inette Bolden and Jennifer Ferreira as they sit down with Asia Ewell and Saru Nithyanandam, facilitators of the Positive Solutions for Families program, to explore how positive parenting can strengthen family relationships and support children's social-emotional development.

They discuss how behavior is communication, why predictable routines and positive guidance matter, and practical strategies families can use to reduce challenging behaviors while teaching important life skills. Asia and Saru also share tips for responding to difficult moments with empathy, consistency, and confidence, helping children—and the adults who care for them—thrive together.

This episode offers practical, everyday tools for parents and caregivers looking to build stronger connections, encourage positive behavior, and create supportive environments where children can succeed.

Transcript

Welcome And What Elevate Is

Inette Bolden 0:10

Unlock the magic of early childhood with Elevate. This podcast is brought to you by Early Childhood Services, a program within Montgomery County, Maryland's Department of Health and Human Services. We are dedicated to empowering parents and educators with the knowledge and tools to nurture the next generation. I'm Inette Bolden, and I'm Jennifer Ferreira, and we're your hosts of Elevate.

Positive Parenting And The Pyramid Model

Inette Bolden 0:36

Today's episode is all about positive parenting, inspired by a program called Positive Solutions for Families, a key component of the Pyramid Model. The Pyramid Model is an evidence-based framework that focuses on nurturing relationships, supportive environments, and social emotional development for young children. This is also a proven approach to building strong relationships and encouraging positive behavior in children. If you've ever wondered why does my child act this way, or how can I guide behavior without yelling? Or is there a better way to discipline that actually teaches then you are in the right place? On this episode, we have Sarru Nithyandam and Asia Yule. Saru is the quality enhancement coordinator for child care programs in public space here at Montgomery County Childcare Support Services. And she brings over 25 years of experience in early childhood education and leadership. Her mission is to empower and inspire professionals to refine their skills, ultimately creating a lasting positive impact on the community. And Asia, a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, board-approved clinical supervisor, and infant and early childhood mental health consultant, has nearly a decade of experience across outpatient clinics, schools, community programs, and the child welfare system. She is committed to empowering children, families, and educators throughout Montgomery County.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure joining the conversation today.

Behavior As Communication

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Positive parenting is an approach that focuses on building children's strengths, teaching important life skills, and creating a warm, supportive environment where they can grow and succeed. Instead of reacting to misbehavior with punishment, positive parenting encourages responding with intention through planning, prevention, guidance, and encouragement. It is centered on teaching key social-emotional skills such as communication, self-regulation, and problem solving, while also strengthening the parent-child relationship. Positive parenting is built on three core foundations. Those are warm, responsive relationships, predictable and consistent routines, safe and nurturing environments. When children feel safe, connected, and understood, they are more likely to cooperate and less likely to express their needs through challenging behaviors. This approach helps them to learn the skills they need for long-term success.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

Thank you for sharing that valuable information. We often hear that children have challenging behaviors. Can you please share what your thoughts are on that statement?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Absolutely. Well, we like to say children are not challenging, but more so that the behavior is challenging for us. Sometimes it is a challenge for us as the adults to understand what the child is trying to communicate. And we strongly believe that all behavior is communication. Now, some of the means by which they try to communicate their needs can often be challenging for us. And really, what it is is a skills gap. Young children don't yet have the language or emotional skills to verbalize their needs and say, I'm overwhelmed, I'm tired, or I need help. So instead, they may throw a tantrum, hit or bite, or refuse to follow directions. So we say rather than asking, how do I stop this behavior, we shift to what is my child trying to tell me and what skills do they need to support them?

Inette Bolden 4:57

I really like that perspective, Asia. Thank you for sharing. Behavior is communication. We need to observe what our children are trying to communicate and think about what we need to do as adults to support them.

Routines And Clear Directions

Inette Bolden 5:10

So tell us how, as adults, we can lessen the challenges we may endure.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yep, you got that right. Behavior is communication. When children show challenging behaviors, they're not trying to make life harder for us. More often, they are expressing a need, an emotion, or a frustration they simply can't put into words yet. And as adults, we can make our interactions with children a whole lot smoother by shifting from reacting to the behavior to understanding the message behind it. A few practical strategies to reduce the challenging behaviors and increase the positive and expected ones are building predictable routines to make children feel safer and more confident when they know what's coming next. Predictable routines, whether in the morning, during meals, or at bedtime, can dramatically reduce anxiety and power struggles. When the day feels steady and familiar, the kids feel more secure, and the challenging behavior often listen. Instead of focusing on what we don't want, we guide children by telling them what they should do. Let's say try and say we use walking feet inside the house.

Inette Bolden 7:06

So I hear you say that making everyday routines predictable and keeping things positive by giving simple and clear directions, those are great strategies. What are some other strategies adults should try?

Choices And Descriptive Praise

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Yeah, there are a few more additional ones that I would love to share. Choice is a powerful option, and the one offering choices. When children are given simple options, they gain a sense of control, which naturally reduces challenging behaviors. Research shows that offering choices during routines where challenging behaviors often occur can make a big difference. For egg children, give it just two choices. Something like, do you want the red cap or the blue cap? More than that can be quite overwhelming. Here is the secret sauce what we pay attention to growth, focusing on positive behaviors. When we focus only on challenging behaviors, we may unintentionally reinforce them. But when we highlight and celebrate the positive things a child does, we help them learn what to do, build their confidence, and strengthen our relationship with them, encouraging positive behaviors, set them up for success. And finally, the praise, but not just any praise, descriptive praise, acknowledging and praising positive choices instead of a simple good job. We want to be specific about what the child did well. Try something like wow, what a fantastic job you did cleaning up your toys. This tells the child exactly which behavior you appreciate and encourages them to do it again.

Handling Public Meltdowns With Calm

Inette Bolden 9:14

Those are some great strategies and very useful that we should consider and focus on. Even with these preventive strategies, we can still be challenged and feel overwhelmed. How are we supposed to respond to our children in public spaces and when people are staring at us?

SPEAKER_01 9:32

So that's a great and very real question, Inette. So public moments can feel so intense because we're not just trying to manage our child's behaviors, we're also managing our own feelings about being judged. And the most important part is to understand that you are human and normalize that all children experience big feelings. And here are some strategies that can also help with those moments. So the first strategy is trying to stay calm and present. So when a child is overwhelmed, one of the greatest gifts we can offer them during those moments is our calm. Your calm helps children regulate their emotions and naturally look to adults around them to understand how to respond to their own emotions. It's important to model what that looks like for them so you're teaching them how to regulate. And this can look like naming your feelings and showing them how you take a deep breath to calm yourself. This also helps us as caregivers to regulate because we experience feelings too, because we're human. So when we stay present and calm, children feel held and regulated, and we're not just telling them what calm is, but we're showing

Validate Feelings And Teach Replacements

SPEAKER_01 10:39

them. So another strategy is also acknowledging and validating your child's emotions. So emotional validation isn't about agreeing with the child, it's about letting them know that their feelings are recognized. When kids' emotions are acknowledged, their nervous system relaxes, and this can reduce the intensity and duration of behaviors that can feel challenging. This can sound like, I see you're upset. I know it's really hard when we have to stop playing. So validation softens the moment and it shifts the interaction to you're having a really hard time and I'm here with you. Once a child feels understood, they are far more open to hearing guidance and learning skills. And so another strategy is also teaching replacement and self-regulation skills. So kids don't automatically know what to do instead of hitting, yelling, or melting down. These are learned skills. Our job is to teach them the replacement behavior and the regulation strategies that they can use. So for instance, if a child hits when angry, rather than just saying don't or stop, we want to teach them what to do instead. And what that can look like or sound like, it says, when you're mad, you can't hit your sibling, but you can go to the calm down corner or ask for help. And teaching self-regulation skills might look like practicing belly breathing together. It's most effective when these skills are taught during calm moments rather than during the meltdown because kids really benefit from repetition, visual reminders, and lots of practice during those calmer moments so that these skills can become more familiar and a part of their regulation toolkit. And so just a final strategy is being consistent.

Consistency Plus Caregiver Self Care

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Consistency builds trust and helps children learn expectation. So consistency in our day-to-day routines can look like having a consistent bedtime routine every night, having a consistent morning routine every morning, and setting consistent limits. For example, if we set a limit such as toys stay on the floor, the follow-through is the same each time. Predictability helps children feel safe and safety helps their brains stay regulated.

SPEAKER_04 12:50

Thank you for sharing those strategies, Asia. So positive parenting doesn't mean perfect parenting.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Exactly. It does not. And as a parent or caregiver, you must take care of yourself by taking breaks whenever possible, asking for support, and practicing self-compassion. When parents and caregivers of young children are supported, children thrive.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

So positive parenting is a journey, not a destination. Small, consistent changes can lead to big growth for both you and your child.

Positive Solutions For Families And How To Join

SPEAKER_04 13:30

I know that you both facilitate a series named Positive Solutions for Families throughout the year. In this seven-week series, the topics we touch based on today is explored more, and parents are given practical strategies.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Yes, and if any parent or caregiver would like to join us for the next upcoming series, you can reach out to us at 240-777-4769, and we will let you know when the next upcoming series is going to happen.

Share, Follow, And Closing

SPEAKER_04 14:00

Thank you for joining us today. If this episode was helpful, please share it with another parent or caregiver. Until next time, remember you are your child's first and most important teacher.

Inette Bolden 14:12

Listeners, be sure to tune in next time as we explore more supports and community resources available to those who nurture young children. Stay informed, inspired, and connected to the vibrant community of early childhood enthusiasts. Together, let's build a strong foundation for the future, one child at a time.

SPEAKER_04 14:32

And thanks for tuning in to the Elevate Podcast today. Stay connected and join the conversation by following us on social media at DHHS C C S S. And we'll see you next time.

Announcer 14:47

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