Boy Swipes Right but... What if He's Mr Wrong?

Kalie walks us through the awful moment she went from blissful happiness and dreams of marriage, to realizing her ex boyfriend's story was riddled with lies. Take the journey down the rabbit hole that uncovered the deception and hear how it brought Kalie directly into contact with her ex's other women...

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Every facet of my being was open and receiving to him and his love. And I thought that was extremely unique and that I was getting the authentic version of that. All of that changed when he left his wallet at my home. Hi, guys. It's Kaylee Nitsche. I hope you enjoyed part one of my story. I find comfort in learning that I'm one of possibly millions of smart, capable, real people who have been taken advantage of The goal of my sharing my story is to make you feel like you aren't alone either. I hope you will think of this podcast as a place for sharing stories about strong, brave people who trusted someone who represented themselves falsely to take advantage of someone's kindness, desire to find love, or simply need of a service. Things that make us all vulnerable to bad actors online, just like the one in my story. Thanks so much for listening and now here's part two There was a time in mid-July where he comes over and he has to go on a work trip. So he wants to say goodbye to me. And, you know, we saw each other and he left his wallet. Okay, well, sorry, that was a little bit of a mess up on your part, wasn't it? Because now what do I have? Your license. And he calls me in a panic. You know, I didn't even know until he called. Kaylee, oh my gosh, I think I left my wallet at your house. And during this, he's been gone for about nine minutes. He's well on his way to St. Louis where his work trip is. And I'm like, okay, hold on. And I look around and sure enough, it's sitting there on my dresser. And bingo, I'm just going to take a little picture. And I take a picture of the license and I go and I agree to meet him halfway so he didn't have to drive all the way back to Chicago to then get all the way back on the road with St. Louis. So I meet him halfway, give him the wallet. The level of drama about this wallet was so strange to me. Like I get it, you're going on a work trip, but I could have like overnighted his card. Like I kept saying, oh, I'll overnight it in the morning. You'll get it by 4 p.m. the night. Like, you know, like you have cash. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. And he just, it was incessantly, I need to get the wallet back. I need, I'm coming to get it back. And I'm just like, oh, well, here's a workaround or here's this. And I'll take a picture. And nothing was good enough. He had to get the wallet back in his hands that night, which to me was so strange because that meant that he was not going to get to St. Louis until about 530 in the morning. And he has this big, huge work trip. So anyway, I agree to meet him. I give him the wallet. He kisses me, thanks me. He's on his way to his work trip. I go home. And I have a glass of wine. Oh, yeah. I've got the photo. Start doing my own little sleuthing, right? I had no idea what I was about to find out. So I take the license. It's very easy. The address is right there. I put it in the Google search bar. Boom, immediately the Redfin listing pops up. Okay, that was like way too easy. Click into it. Wow, what a nice house. Like why was he so weirded out by sending me this listing? Also, this isn't like a $5 million home. You know, like it's not like your way of accidentally saying that you're a trust fund baby. You know, like it was a very nice single family home, just like mine. So it's very strange to me. I'm clicking through the photos. I'm like, this is like a really pretty house. You do have good taste. Wow, look at your furniture. You actually do have furniture. Click, click, boys room. Y'all, this man had two daughters that I knew of. And I'm like, why the hell would there be this room in this house where he just lives with his girls and here's a little boy's room? I thought that was so strange. Now, I do realize that when you're selling a house, you do a certain level of staging. So I thought, okay, maybe it's like a stage thing. So I keep going. There are a lot of pictures. My PI is at like an all-time high at this point. And I see on the wall a picture of him in a suit, standing next to a beautiful blonde bride. And I'm like, wow. And between them, they have four kids. So immediately I assume, wow, he's lied to me about not only his number of kids. Why would he say two if he really has four kids? And also he's married. What in the actual hell? I knew this man had been married. So I assumed it was his ex-wife.

UNKNOWN 4:34

What?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

I didn't know. So anyway, okay, I'm making all these assumptions in my head. I'm trying to piece together the information that I've been told. Nothing's panning out. I FaceTime him. I just get right to the point. I'm like, I'm literally looking at a picture of a beautiful blonde who I believe to be the first wife and your four kids. Explain yourself right now or I am gone. And I'm like shaking and I'm mad. And he looked at me like we're on FaceTime and he looked at me and he's like, I'm sorry. I should have been honest with you. So now I'm like reverting my emotions back over, wow, he really is married this. And he goes, but we broke up last year, Kaylee. That is my second wife. I should have told you. I'm so sorry. I met this woman about six years ago and she had two kids, the girl and the boy that you're seeing that you don't recognize. Those are, or those were my stepchildren. And that was my second wife that I am now, in the process of getting this massive divorce, which is why we're selling this home. And I'm moving to Chicago. I haven't been with her for a year. And he said something about a year. And he goes, look at picture number, whatever, 21. And it references something in a photo about 2022. So I'm like, is this guy telling the truth? Like... I wasn't expecting this for you to actually cop to being married to this person. What I was expecting was that you were going to like totally deny it or, you know, this was the truth. And so it really set me back. And he's like borderline crying. And he's like, I can't lose you. I'm so sorry I wasn't honest. He's like, it's something that I don't really like to talk about. She cheated on me. It's horribly embarrassing. My whole work knows about it. They know that's why I moved here and took this new promotion. He's going on and on and my heart is just like sinking lower and lower because I wanted to believe him. I would never lie about something like that and I couldn't imagine somebody would lie to me about it. And he's talking about these beautiful four kids that I'm looking at on the screen and he's going through how this wife lost her late husband and he made up some disgusting story about the way that this gentleman had died and he swooped in being the savior to help her get back on her feet and financially he took care of them and that's why he let them stay in this house for a year as he basically tried to cut back on the financial taking care of until finally he was like I can't do this any longer you have to go out on your own so he actually made it seem like he was a really good guy this woman had lost her first husband he ends up marrying her so he comes back in town we go to dinner and honestly everything that he was saying he had it was the truth up until like the last 10 percent right so like it was very easy for him to look me in the face and look me in the eyes and say Kaylee this is what happened because that part would be true it was the inconsistencies that he weaved in there with us you know breaking up a year ago and now we're getting a divorce and she cheated on me that like would get my heart to you know then go over to his side and I wanted to believe him and I did that's what I chose to do looking back was it a red flag? Hell yeah, it was a red flag. Was I stupid? Probably. Did I want to fall in love? Do I want another baby? Do I want to get married to somebody that said that they had all the things that I desire to have in life? Yes. Would I ever act or treat somebody like this? No. And I really have a hard time, like this is what kills me inside because I just cannot imagine using my baby girl as like a weapon and making it seem like I was a good mom when in actuality I like didn't take the time to spend time with her and I was cheating on like my spouse and it just was really disgusting to me the behavior. One of the things that I was reminded of today that I really haven't thought about in so long is on our first date when we were at Sullivan's He actually, I think he cried or at least he looked like he was going to cry. And that to me was so sexy. He was like, you're talking about somehow it got brought up about cancer. And you guys, this is terrible. His first daughter had a brain tumor and he shows me a picture of the MRI. I'm looking at a tumor. I am not a medical doctor, but it is clear that this poor child has something in her brain. And he's going about telling me the story of how she had to have it extracted out, you know, out of her... The whole thing, very medical and this, that, and the other. And I mean, my heart, my mama bear heart, I'm just like, I'm touching his hand and he's mentioning, oh, I got to take her to her appointment for checkup in the next three months. And he actually like berated Michelle, the second wife, for not giving said medication or that's what he claimed. Y'all, I don't know what's true and what's false. All I know is that man weaponizes his kids and I think it's absolutely gross and I just can't wrap my head around that part. I have a really tough time with the kids, like thinking about my baby being held by him and having so much fun and being like, Mr. come jump in the trampoline. Like the fact that I let her be around this person that I end up finding out is such a monster. It's like, it's the hardest part of this whole thing for me. I hate it, man. So anyway, back to the chronological story that I still have right here. The wallet, this, that, the the lies, the manipulation, but the pinnacle being it's Monday morning and I mentioned I'm a single mom and I'm in charge of getting my daughter to school every day and making sure the logistics are there. I'm also responsible for running a very large book of business at Adobe. I oversee like $15 million. Things are stressful, y'all, in the niche household. I've got dogs barking. We've got Amazon people coming over at all times. It's not an easy morning. Please do not come to my house at 730 because it is embarrassing come to my house at 905 and it's a little calmer so you know I'm getting dressed for school she's in kindergarten and I get a call from my girlfriend Aubrey who was in the city I mean just like probably all of you guys nobody calls each other anymore and when we do it's because something terrible has happened and Aubrey I don't think even had ever called me to this point but we texted all the time she was one of my she's one of my best friends in the city and she calls me so immediately I think that something had happened to her Or somebody had died. Our moms are best friends. God forbid something happened to Jackie. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, what's going on? Is everybody okay? Are you hurt? What's going on? She immediately goes, take a deep breath. Nobody's hurt. She goes, I need to tell you something, though, and you need to listen to me. And I was like, oh, shit. What? She goes... I just saw on the Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook chapter, this picture posted. And my heart just sinks. I'm like, what does it say? Who is it? And at this point... It was Jess, but Jess had posted anonymously. So I don't know it's her at this point in the morning. She goes, I don't know. It's some girl. She posted that she found out that her boyfriend was on the dating apps and that he had potentially could be married. I'm like, what? What? Aubrey, I was just at this man's house 12 hours ago watching the Kansas City Chiefs Sunday night football game where he was literally sitting on the couch with me that I had literally with my own two hands carried up the stairs and helped him move in not just weeks before to get him comfortable as he sat there and showed me property listings of homes that we should buy and things that we should think about for the holidays. Oh my God, it kills me. He knew that last Christmas was my Christmas with and if anybody knows me, they know that my favorite holiday, by far as Christmas. I decorate like a complete maniac. And he knew that Christmas was so important. I didn't have the year before because she was with her father. So I'm only getting her every other Christmas. I'm obsessed with Christmas. Obviously, those Christmases are going to be really special, right? And he asked me that night before I found all this out, would I be willing to give up my Christmas that year with my daughter because he didn't have his girls so that we could all go on a family The fact that he wanted to even ask that question to me just... He positioned it as because he wanted it to be a family, get, you know, the family doing Christmas together. But in reality, he's been married. He has a girlfriend. God only knows, he's probably inviting her there too to see which one of us would make it to December, right? And I just, I have a hard time with the fact that 12 hours prior to finding out that this man is on the apps, has another woman in his life, could potentially be married, is inviting me on trips, talking about things that we should buy together, talking about possibly moving in the next year, et cetera, et cetera. I mean, like lifelong things that you talk about the future with. It was like such whiplash for me. I was like, what the actual hell? I take my daughter to school, drop her off. I'm still in my pajamas. Girls, you know that the pickup line, there are a lot of judgy moms out there. And I normally have like my hair done at this point when I'm seeing the teachers and I'm ready for work. No bra. T-shirt that I had worn the night before. My hair was crazy. My eye makeup was like smudged from the night before. I immediately take off to his house. And I texted him. I said, I'm coming over. Get off your work calls. I have to talk to you immediately. And I show up, bang on the door. He's right there. And I go, I just looked at him dead in the face. I was like, do you need to tell me something? And at first I think he thought like I was like coming to regroup on something that we had talked about the night before. Like it was very serious, right? What we were talking about. And he's like, no, I think I said it all last night. I'm like, the fuck you did? I just went off. And I'm like, is this true? Are you on dating apps? And he's like, yes, I'm on dating apps. And are you with this woman, Jess, for two years? You know, he's working at his computer. So I'm like kind of standing over him about 10 feet from him. And he's looking up and Yeah, you know, that's true. And I'm just going off and my hands were shaking, crying, like the cries where, you know, you've got like you're using your T-shirt to get this nod and I can't catch my breath. I mean, like my heart is like shattering into 7000 pieces. And at the very end of this, he didn't say, are you done? But it was kind of like that look like, let's wrap it up here, folks. You know, like and I'm just kind of like, are you kidding me? And he said, what do you want from me, Kaylee? I'm really sorry. What? I took a pause because honestly, it was not until that moment in his kitchen that I felt physically unsafe to be around this person. Because it had never occurred to me that he could be like literally like mentally unstable, right? I didn't know what he was actually capable of because the lies that were coming out were so vast. I really didn't know where it stopped. And I was genuinely afraid for my safety. Again, he's 6'3", probably has 110 pounds on me. He's very big. I take a giant step back towards the door and I said, that's not a normal response. You know that, right? Like, that's just not how normal people would respond in this situation. And he kind of did like one of these. And that's the last time I ever saw this person. Thank God. And I get in my car and I start to just kind of go through everything that I just have figured out. Right. And I'm realizing what a fraudster this guy is. What a loser. Who lies about these things? And over the next about probably four days or so, I get connected with Jess. I get connected with Michelle. We're all talking together, swapping stories. Y'all, I learned this This man's name that I have been calling him for seven months. I'm using it today. That's his alias. That's the name that he gave me. It is not his legal name. Nobody in his life calls him that except for me, even though he claimed it was his nickname from college. I learned that he was not a licensed attorney, that he had never passed the bar. He actually worked in HR, which, by the way, is a fine job. That is okay with me. That's great. Awesome. I love my HR company. It was always that extra need to lie or be greater than he was. His version of himself, his true self was never enough for him, that he had to lie at every turn. I wish I would have known these facts, these actual data points about this person before that night at Sullivan's. It would have been real helpful to know that this guy was married before I agreed to meet him. I never would have gone on on a date, I never would have introduced him to my kid. I certainly would have never, ever spent any time, energy, money, relationship, opening of my heart, never. But I didn't have the resources or the tools at the time to be able to find that. You know, everyone's always like, well, how did you not find out? I didn't know he was married. There's 3,500 counties in the United States. I don't even know to start looking in the county that I'm in, let alone the other, you know, other 30 He's from a very small town in Iowa. First of all, I'm from Dallas, Texas. I do not know the Midwest. I don't know anywhere where he's going in Iowa when he's like in these little small towns. So the information is very hard to find, although it is public data, if that makes sense. You know, so that's why women have created these online communities, because we think that if we span the depths of the Internet, you know, vast enough, we can help each other and we can sort of Okay, that was a lot. A little hard to digest, I'm sure, if you're listening to this. And if you're like me, you're probably on a run or a walk or at work and you're like, what in the actual hell did I just listen to? It's an outrageous story and I want to make sure those kinds of stories don't happen anymore. Wouldn't it be amazing if we had some sort of technology, and this is where I get my idea for Fuzzy, and I'm so proud of how far I've come. Because now with my app, I can help a future Kaylee. I can make sure that this doesn't happen to Jess or anybody like Jess moving forward. Michelle would have the information. We all would be informed with the data that we didn't necessarily have before. And while it's not going to be perfect, now I'm providing light on who this person is. We'll be able to pull in so many different data sources and actually All of the information to vet it against what someone is claiming to be true in their profile. With my app, Fuzzy, it's that additional assist. It's that extra friend or somebody's got your back mentality that we haven't had before. That's what Fuzzy's bringing from a technological perspective. And I'm so excited that this is going to be the new normal for when we meet and engage in online connections. I wish I would have had Fuzzy back in May of 2023, right? To save myself all the heartache that I went through. But I had to go through that to make sure that we have it now. I want to keep people safer, provide security and a level of validation that we haven't had today. I want to raise the bar for expectations of when you meet someone online outside of just dating. I am so incredibly excited to help people. That's the mission of my company. That is the end goal of Fuzzy. We're doing it. It's going to be available soon. So that's it. That's my story. I'm Kaylee Nitsche, and I'm just looking out.