'Because I Love You': The Hidden Trauma of Hitting Children

“They told me it was love. But what I felt was fear, shame, and confusion. Spanking in God’s name left wounds that went far deeper than my body.”

In this groundbreaking episode of The Angela Rose Show, I sit down with Matt Shantz, mental health worker, coach, and survivor of corporal punishment in conservative Mennonite communities. Together, we uncover how “discipline in love” becomes trauma cloaked in religion, shaping our view of God, our bodies, and our ability to trust.

🔍 With courage and compassion, Matt and I explore:

• How spanking harms attachment and development, even when done “calmly” or “in love”
• Why children forced to bond with violent caregivers carry lifelong nervous system trauma
• The hidden sexual impacts of spanking, from unwanted arousal to complete shutdown
• Angela’s personal story of dissociation and powerlessness watching siblings being hit
• Why religious communities rebrand violence as “spanking” and how humor masks deep wounds
• The unique trauma of witnessing abuse in the house of God
• Practical alternatives: breaking cycles of violence, regulating ourselves as parents, and raising children with connection instead of control
• Resources for parents and survivors: attachment-based parenting, trauma recovery, and healing from religious abuse

This is not just about parenting. It is about truth-telling, breaking generational cycles, and reclaiming what love really means.

🛑 Trigger Warning: This episode includes descriptions of corporal punishment, child abuse, sexual confusion, arousal and shutdown, dissociation, religious manipulation, and spiritual trauma. Please listen with care.

💬 Has this conversation resonated with your story? Share your thoughts in the comments or reach out privately. You are not alone. And if you found hope in today’s episode, please like, share, and subscribe to help us reach more survivors and families.

🔗 Follow Matt Shantz

🌐 Website: https://www.mattshantz.org/

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shantzmatt/

🔗 Follow Angela Rose:

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/angelarosemartin

Facebook:http://facebook.com/angelarosemartin

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@angelaroseshow

📍 Crisis Support Resources

• Crisis Text Line — Text TWLOHA to 741741
• Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call 988
• National Child Abuse Hotline — Call 800-422-4453
• National Domestic Violence Hotline — Call 800-799-7233
• RAINN (Sexual Assault Support) — Call 800-656-4673