Rules Are Made To Be...Questioned?

🎧 Episode 3: Rules Are Made To Be...Questioned?

Rules—they’re everywhere. From what time you get home to whether or not you really need to wear a jacket. In this episode of I Get It From My Mom, Elissa, Ava, and Maggie sit down for a spirited and funny conversation about the rules that shape our homes, our choices, and our sanity.

They dig into:

✅ The real reason parents make safety rules (hint: it’s not just to ruin your night)
✅ Why some rules feel arbitrary and how teens really feel about them
✅ How expectations shift between siblings—and whether younger kids have it easier
✅ What happens when there are too many (or too few) rules in a family

From bedtime battles to Uber protocols to clean-room debates, this episode unpacks how rules evolve, how they’re enforced, and why the best ones actually prepare you for life.

🎧 Listen now and decide for yourself—are these rules totally fair, or just plain frustrating?

🔹 Takeaways & Challenges:
📌 Parents—explain the why behind your rules. You might get more buy-in than you think.
📌 Teens—ask yourself: “Am I annoyed by the rule, or do I just not like being told what to do?” (👀)
📌 Everyone—think about the balance between structure and freedom. Are your household rules setting you up to thrive?

💬 Join the Conversation:
👉 What’s the most debated rule in your house? Share it with us on Instagram @i.get.it.from.mymom!
👉 Know a mom or teen who's constantly arguing about curfews or cleaning up? Send this their way!

📲 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode!

📌 Because sometimes, questioning the rules… leads to better ones.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:01 Do Rules Actually Keep Us Safe?
• 3:27 The Rules That Feel Arbitrary
• 5:51 What Happens When There Are Too Many Or Too Few Rules?
• 7:32 Do Rules Differ For Siblings?
• 10:26 Closing Comments

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to I Get it from my mom, where we have the conversations moms and daughters should be having, but sometimes avoid. I'm Elissa, a working mom who somehow still finds herself explaining the same rules over and over. I'm Ava. I'm 18 and wondering if we still need rules when I'm technically an adult. And I'm Maggie. I'm 15. And let's be honest, some rules make sense and some are just frustrating. We're not experts. We don't have all the answers, but we do have a lot of perspective and a little bit of humor. Today we're diving into rules, why parents make them, why kids challenge them, and whether or not they actually work. So basically this is the episode where we get to find out if mom is reasonable or just making stuff up. Great. Can't wait. Let's get into it Let's start with the most basic reason. Rules exist. Safety. Parents don't make rules just to ruin your life. Debatable. I get that some rules are about safety, like waiting for the light before crossing the street or checking in when we're out. That makes sense. Exactly. You may think I'm overprotective, but you know how I feel. I trust you, but not the rest of the world. So the argument is that I could be the most responsible person in the world, but that doesn't mean the people around me are? Exactly. It's not about you two making good decisions. It's about keeping you out of bad situations. So let's go through some of the main safety rules we have in the house and why they exist. One of your favorites, curfews, they exist to keep you safe. The later you are out and about. The darker it is, the more people around you who may have alcohol or worse in their systems with bad intentions. Right. But it's hard when some of our friends don't even have curfews. Yeah. And as we get older, our plans start even later and later. I know you first go out when I'm going into bed, but we've always tried to be reasonable about the time and to make them appropriate for your age. And most important to us is that we are hearing from you during the night. Like Maggie, there was a time when your friends couldn't find their jackets at the party. We were okay with you coming home later that night because you texted and explained what the holdup was going to be. Oh, don't remind me. They both never found their jackets, so we had to huddle together on the cold subway home, and then there's Ubers. Better than trusting a teenager to drive you home or a subway here in the city late at night. But we've all heard the horror stories. It's true, we know the rules. Always check the license plate number that it matches it on the app, and make sure your driver says your name before you get into the car. And we always make sure to pay attention to the route being taken and call you if we think there's an issue. We also want the driver to be aware that we are in contact with someone while they're driving us home. Great. We've trained you well and what's a rule about knowing your location? We keep our Find my iPhone on so you can track us. We make sure to be where we told you we would be and let you know when we're changing locations. Right? I assure you, you don't want us freaking out when we discover you are not where you told us you would be. It's not about us hovering or stalking you or getting in the way of you having fun. It's to keep you safe. Okay, fair. We get it. Rules about safety aren't about us being responsible. It's about protecting us from situations we can't control. Exactly. But can we move on to the rules that are not about safety and make zero sense? Wow. Can't wait to hear this. Yeah, like why does it matter how clean my room is if no one's coming over? And even if they are coming over, I keep the door shut. I can do a whole podcast on this one. Maggie. It's about respect for our home, for your things, and for yourself. A messy room with clothes on the floor and cups and books all over your desk is no way to live. But we're fine living like that. We can still think amongst the clutter and when it's bad, we do eventually clean it up. Okay? Then since Dad and I are the ones who bought you your clothes and cups and books and pay for this house, then we don't like you the way you're treating this stuff. I don't know. I'm still not convinced that's a fair argument, mom. Just don't come in my room. Also, while we're on the subject of rules we don't agree with, I can't wait to hear this, Ava. Okay. We're old enough now, mom, to decide if we want a jacket or not. You both are impossible when it comes to wearing jackets in the cool weather. I simply don't get it. Why not be comfortable in the chill? Well, obviously we can decide if we feel cool or not. It's not for you to tell us. Plus, it's the fashion mom. Ugh. I mean, there are rules we are on board with, if that helps. We have always helped to clean up after dinner. That rule makes sense. Everyone pitches in and contributes to clean up after ourselves. And of course we understand that we're responsible for doing our homework, being at school and respecting our teachers. No issue with those rules. Well, that's good to hear. Being responsible and respecting authority appropriately and behaving appropriately are key rules for life. Sometimes the rules that seem arbitrary, like dressing appropriately for the weather are often about setting you up for the real life. So I'm a big fan of rules, but within limits, I think kids should know the expectations of them. Do you remember how you used to behave differently at Grandma and Grandpa's house versus Grammy and Papa's? Definitely. At Grandma's, we lived toys everywhere, crumbs everywhere, and she would let us get away with it being a mess. But at Grammy's, we put our shoes in a certain spot, only ate at the table and cleaned up our toys before moving on. Exactly. Even at a very young age, you knew the expectations and knew they were different In each house, you had no problem following the rules that Grammy laid out. That's proof that kids rise to the expectations set for them. Let's talk about what happens when families either have too many rules or too few rules. That's definitely worth talking about. We both have friends whose parents try and control every little thing. Who their kid hangs out with. What they do every minute. What they wear, what they eat. I kind of feel bad for them. Yeah. And you can definitely see the result. I know someone whose parents were super strict throughout their childhood and they very much resented them for it. But now that they're in college, they rebelled, gone wild to a bad extent. Can't manage their time, their responsibilities, and making some bad choices. Yeah, that's definitely scary. Yeah. That's why I think it's important as a parent to set boundaries and rules appropriately. Explain them to your child if and when needed, but enforce them consistently. But if the child has no decision making power growing up, then how can they be expected to make good choices when the time comes to be responsible for themselves? On the other end, some kids have no rules, no curfews, no expectations, no consequences. That is the other extreme that I don't think is right. Yeah. I know people who are constantly skipping classes and their parents don't pay attention or care. Right. And I know people who have trouble managing their schedules or staying on top of their work because as kids, they were never given any real structure. Yep. Without structure, how are you expected to develop self-discipline? I would think that with no rules as kids, these people likely will struggle more as adults. So the right amount of rules isn't about control. It's about preparing us to function for when there are no rules? Bingo, it's about balance. Too many rules and you don't learn how to make decisions. Too few and you never learn how to manage life's responsibilities. that actually does make sense. Yay. Hashtag mom win. Okay. Wait, can I ask something that's kind of off topic, but it's still about rules. Do you think the rules changed between Ava and me? Like did I have it easier because I'm the younger one? Hmm. That's such a good question and a tricky one. I think. Yes, in some ways you did have it a little easier. But it wasn't Maggie because we thought you deserved fewer rules. Actually, sometimes quite the opposite. It's more that by the time you came along, we weren't parenting in like such a panic mode anymore. With Ava, every little decision felt so high stakes because we were new at it. Right. Like Ava had a stricter bedtime, and when I was younger I was allowed to go out in the city without parents with my friends. But she couldn't do that at the same age I was. Totally true. We were super cautious the first time around, the first kid around, and honestly, a lot of that came from fear. Fear of messing up, fear of doing something wrong. So we made a lot of rules to try and control things we didn't fully understand yet. But with you, we had more context. We'd seen what worked and what didn't. We learned that being overly strict sometimes backfired. So I got the chiller version of you guys. I'm sure Ava's very happy with that fact. Well, I wouldn't say chill. I mean, I don't think either of you would accuse us of being chill, but maybe more balanced. We had more confidence. We knew that forgetting homework wasn't gonna be the end of the world, for example, and keep in mind, you know, you were watching TV shows at your young age, even though Ava was three years older watching hers, there were probably more appropriate for Ava. But we knew it wasn't going to ruin your childhood. So, yeah, you got a slightly more relaxed version of the rule book. But did it really mean Ava had it better or does that just come with being a younger sibling? I'm sure there's moments, it feels unfair to Ava, but I also think she understands. You two are different people. You have different personalities, different maturity levels, and part of parenting is adjusting to each child's needs, even if the rules look different sometimes. That makes sense. It's funny though, because I'll do something and she'll immediately go, oh wow. I could have never gone away with that at your age. And I'm like, oops. I guess that's just the perks of being a younger sister. Yeah, I was the older sister, so I never got those perks either. But I've definitely heard you guys say that before. My younger sister has said that before. But to be fair, you've also benefited from Ava breaking us in. You watched her push boundaries, test Rules sometimes, pay the price or act well, and we had a stricter rule and then knew we could loosen it. So in a way. You had a cheat sheet for what to do and what not to do. Yeah, but I still get yelled at for leaving my stuff all over the house. So clearly that cheat sheet didn't really work well. You just haven't mastered the cheat sheet as well as you could, and no one said the younger sibling gets a free pass. Cleaning the house dishes. That stuff sticks with you forever. I'm well aware. So final verdict, are rules just annoying or do they actually have a purpose? Fine. Some rules make sense. Yeah. I understand the boundary and expectation setting, but still don't expect me to make my bed every morning. Great, Maggie. Okay, guys. Okay. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with someone who has argued about rules with their parents or kids. And tell us on our social media, what's a rule in your house that sparks the most debates. Please keep following our journey along, as these kids will always find a way to blame it on their mom.