I Get It From My Mom: Authentic Conversations Between a Mother and Her Daughters on Parenting and Growing Up

Friendship Advice for Teens (And Their Parents): How to Deal, Heal, & Know When to Let Go

• Elissa, Ava & Maggie Klein • Season 1 • Episode 5

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🎙 Episode 5: Friendship Advice for Teens (And Their Parents): How to Deal, Heal, & Know When to Let Go

Friendship can be one of the most joyful—and complicated—parts of growing up. In this episode, Elissa and Maggie (15) dive into the highs, lows, and drama that come with being a friend (and having them) at every age.

They break down:

✅ How we make friends as kids, teens, and adults
✅ What makes a friendship worth keeping—and when it’s time to walk away
✅ Why some friendships fade and others turn toxic
✅ When to talk to your parents about friend drama
✅ The role social media plays in comparison and conflict
✅ Tips for kids (and parents!) on making new friends, especially after big life changes

This mom and daughter keep it honest, insightful, and (as always) a little bit hilarious.

🔹 Takeaways & Challenges:

📌 Kids: Know that not all friendships are forever—and that’s okay.
📌 Parents: You can’t fix everything, but you can be a safe place to land.
📌 Everyone: Good friends make you feel seen, safe, and supported. If it’s more stress than joy… it might be time to let go.

💬 Join the Conversation:
Tag us on Instagram @i.get.it.from.mymom and tell us:
👉 What’s the best (or worst) friendship advice you’ve ever gotten?

📲 Don’t forget to follow, subscribe & share!

Welcome to, I Get it from my Mom where we have the conversations moms and daughters should be having, but sometimes avoid. I'm Elissa, a working mom who knows that friendships are one of the biggest parts of growing up and let's be honest, adulthood too, but they often come with a lot of drama. I'm Maggie, I'm 15 and in high school and I've learned that friendships can be amazing but also really complicated. We're not experts. We don't have all the answers, but we do have a lot of perspective and a little bit of humor. Today we're talking about friendship, the good, the bad, the drama, and how it changes as we grow. Sadly though, one of my best friends, my sister Ava, is unable to join us on this episode since she's sick in college right now with limited strength and a limited voice. Yeah, we're hoping poor Ava feels better very soon, but we'll do our best to navigate our friendship discussion without her, with her away this year. We're frankly very used to navigating life without her. Yeah, it's fine. We're fine. We, we, this we're fine. Sorry, ave. So let's get into it. Before we get into what makes a great friend, let's talk about how we even make friends in the first place. Because friendships don't just magically appear. We find them in different ways at different stages of life. Yeah. Like when you're little, it's really just whoever your parents that a playdates with. Right? Like you don't exactly have a say in it. And even when you're in daycare or preschool, it still just happens to be who's ever around you bond over things like your favorite color and who has the same snacks as you. Exactly. But then as you get older, friendships start to be based more on proximity. Who's in your class, who plays the same sport, who lives on your street or in your apartment building? It's a lot of, we see each other every day, so you must be friends. Yeah. I feel like in middle school, it's kind of a mix. You're still friends with people because you spend a lot of time together, but you also start to choose based on personality. Who makes you laugh, who you trust more. And then when you get older in high school, it gets trickier because you're figuring out who your real friends are versus who you just happen to be around all the time. And once you become an adult, it, it gets even harder. You don't have built-in ways to meet people like school or activities. So making friends takes way more effort. It becomes about shared values, common interests, and honestly who you want to invest time in. I think as you get older it starts to get more complicated to make friends. Yeah, definitely when you're easier, when you're younger. Um, and that's why the friendships that do last through all those FA phases are so special. So let's talk about what actually makes a friendship worth keeping. Let's go back to when we were young. I think at different stages of life you look for different things. In a friendship, like going back to when we're little, a great friend is just someone who plays the same games as you. I. But as you get older, it has to focus more on trust, support and honesty. Right? And I think true friends are those that actually want what's best for you. Like a real friend is some, someone who celebrates or wins and doesn't get secretly jealous. So much of friendship is about showing up for the other person in a way that's genuine. And friendships don't have to look the same for everyone. Some people need constant communication to know that their friendship's still there and others are just totally fine checking in with every so often, and hopefully you're showing up every now and then. I think when you're, you're younger, you look for friends who are always there, but as you get older, friendships become more about who you. Turn to, or who's there in the big moments, good or bad. Like I definitely do not talk to my friends every day. Some, not even every month, but I do know without a doubt they'd be there for me if I needed them. Why don't I tell you a story about my friendships? So my friends, my closest friends are those from college, and at this point we've been friends for. 30 years or so, not to age us. God, we've been friends a long time and you know, when we were younger it was certainly that we were living together. We were there for each other all the time. We were young in the city and there for each other all the time and going out. But at this point we've been with each other, through relationships, through marriages, through children, through the loss of grandparents. And unfortunately more recently parents And some of them I speak to more often, some less, but it doesn't change that. I know that every one of them will be there for me. In a way I need of them in the big moments and with, for some that might just be, they bring their sense of humor. For some they come over with a drink and others are there with the biggest hug and all of them play that role appropriately when I need them. I think that's a good point. I think that's something that's similar throughout, like my friendships now, while it's different,'cause I definitely see these friends every day, but I know there's times whenever I'm more upset one day or more happy one day where our friend is still constantly checking in. Or if I do happen to be upset, they'll follow me to the bathroom if I leave during class to make sure I'm okay. And with like a friend who is more distant, like a friend at camp who I don't see so often. Every time we go back to camp, it's like we never left. We're all still together. We still will text each other. Something happens throughout the year and we still. At like when we see each other, it's the same. It's we're still all close and all there for each other all the time. Exactly. And you know, sometimes friendships evolve and that's okay and they change. But I think the nice part about knowing those friends that you've known a long time is that they knew you went and they knew you now, and it's always just like picking up where you left off. So let's talk though about when friendships don't go so well. So what happens when friendships go wrong? Because I don't care how old you are, it happens and it hurts. I. Yeah. I think the hardest part about friendships ending is sometimes you don't even know why it's happening. Like one day everything seems fine, you're happy, you're talking, and then suddenly they're ignoring your texts or acting weird and you just have no idea what has changed. And when there's actual drama, like you hear that someone was talking behind your back or there's a fight, something small can become a huge thing or become a bigger issue that really does affect you. And the tricky thing is when you're young, it can feel like the biggest deal in the world. Even as an adult, friendship, breakups can hurt more than actual breakups sometime. Definitely in high school. It's hard when you have to see these people every day, but then there's also external drama with them going on that you can't always openly discuss. To that point, I once had a friend that was having a hard time with herself, and with that she became outwardly angry towards me and heavily resented me. Well, I don't fully blame her for the situation. It was very hard for me to see someone I used to be really close with and would talk to all the time, getting angry at everything I say, actively ignoring me, or even talking bad about me to other people. I mean, at that point, there wasn't much I could do about the situation. I was also going through a hard time and didn't wanna focus on someone who wasn't gonna. It wasn't, you know, gonna be a good person to me, but it was hard seeing someone switch so easily, especially after any time before I had hung out with them. It would've been great. I. Yeah. Funny enough, the same thing is playing out right now in the TV show, white Lotus, which I You love White Lotus. I do love White. No, but I know you don't yet watch it, which is fine. So without giving any spoilers away, for the adults who are listening, you know, there are currently three women who have been friends since they are very young, away on vacation together in Thailand right now. But what becomes clear is that they each clearly have their own issues and then these old habits come back of competition, of old insecurities playing out in their adulthood the same way they would have younger. So these fights they're having as their adults, you know, mimic those that they had younger. And some things frankly just don't change and it shows that it's. Hard to know when to fight for a friendship, when it's worth keeping and when to let it go. It's a skill you really learn with time, and I don't know how this season's gonna end, but we'll see what happens with these women, whether it's worth staying involved or not. Yeah. I think honestly some friendships are really situational. You think someone is your best friend and then once the situation changes, like you're not in their class anymore, school ends. Yep. Job has changed. It's like you're not even friends with them anymore. But other times there is drama and it's hard to know how to fix things in those situations. Yes, friendships definitely come with ups and downs, but when do you know it's actually time to talk to your parents about it? You know? Because let's be honest, I know there are plenty of things you and Ava don't tell me when it comes to friendship, drama. Yeah. Because sometimes it's just normal friend drama that I don't need a parent's perspective on. Like if a friend annoys me one day, I don't need a deep discussion about it. Or if it's something small, like a disagreement about a group project or hanging out or just simple miscommunication, it usually can resolve itself. No, that, and of course that makes sense. And I frankly don't wanna be involved in here. All of that. I don't wanna involve in here. I've been in high school long ago and I don't need to return. But what about when things feel bigger? Like when should you reach out for advice or support? I think there's times when it does start affecting your mood all the time. Like if I'm constantly stressed or sad because of a friend, like the situation I told before, I would tell you about,'cause that's what I want you to be open about how I'm feeling, especially if it's affecting me constantly. And that's how I know I need to talk to you. And it really is becoming a greater issue than just casual drama. Or even if I start questioning myself in this situation, like is it the friend making me feel bad? Did I do something wrong? Sometimes I need another perspective on it. And sometimes I just need to hear you say, that's not normal. You don't deserve that. You're not in the wrong here. Hey, Maggie, that's not normal. You don't deserve that. You're not in the wrong care. But no, that's a Thanks. But that's a great point. A lot of times when you're in a friendship, it's hard to see clearly, and when you're in the friendship drama, it's even harder to see your way through it. Talking about it with someone outside of this situation, great if it's a parent, but maybe a sibling or another friend can just help, you know, make you feel better, and maybe give you clarity about it. I think similar to what I said, another big one is when you feel stuck, like you physically don't know how to respond or what to do next, that's when getting advice helps. I don't need you to get involved in the situation. I. But I need your help on my side of things. Yeah. You know, but to that point, I remember with Ava, I think she was in like fifth grade, there was a girl who had been her friend Sly, starting becoming very unkind to her. And Ava would come home repeatedly crying about it. She was frankly bullying her, making fun of her, talking about her behind her, back to learning others against her. It was awful. And I remember my initial reaction was of such anger toward that girl. I wanted Ava to frankly dish it right back. Yet she in her infinite, 11-year-old wisdom, so much wisdom. So wisdom calmly said that she knew the girl was going some th going through some things at home and the girl was wrongly, you know, just choosing Ava to take it out against, yeah, I think Ava knew that fighting back wasn't the right way to deal with it. That said, she never really recovered from it and only felt better once she moved to the next school. And got away from the girls who were being toxic towards her. No, it's a good point. And I guess it was good that she was then moving on to another school anyway, but that's clearly an example of when one of you just wanted to be able to vent and talk about it. And frankly, my advice was not going to be helpful, even though we know normally. Always helpful. So helpful. Helpful helpfulness. Yes. I mean, well there are definitely examples when parents should get involved and it's terrible if a child is getting bullied and keeping that from their parents. We sadly know too many stories of when kids wind up hurting themselves or worse because of how they're so called friends. Treated them. Yeah. I had a very dark period in sixth grade with friends and bullying, and while my parents sensed something was wrong. I never really told them what was going on since I couldn't process it well, but that just made me withdraw even farther away from everything. I would've been better off going to my parents with the issue. I think the best advice is if you're going through something with a friend, it's probably best not to hold it all in if it's bothering you for more than a few days. Talk to someone you trust even if you're scared to do it, and even if it's not a parent, maybe another sibling or a friend from a different part of your life. You can just talk to and get an outside perspective on. You definitely shouldn't have to figure it out all alone. That's a great point, mags. But now let's talk about something that has completely changed the landscape of friendships, social media. Now I didn't grow up with it, so I'm always curious to hear from you, since it's become so integrated in your Ava's lives, especially in your generation, what role it plays in maintaining or even complicating your friendships. I think when you're using social media, you're constantly seeing what everyone else is doing, who's hanging out with who, and when you realize you're not included, it can really hurt. It creates a fear of missing out in real time. Fomo, definitely you can be home on a Friday night, totally fine, and then you almost open Insta or Snap or TikTok or whatever, and suddenly you feel left out because your friends are hanging out without you. Ugh. The thought of that just makes my stomach hurt. Hearing that when I was your age, if someone did invite you somewhere, you frankly might not even know it. Um, unless it was brought up in school the next day. Now it's basically broadcast to your phone. Yeah, exactly. It creates this layer of pressure to always be included or to postings that make it look like you're having the best time, even if you're not. And then there's this unspoken side of it, like who's in what group chat, who likes or views someone else's post? Who doesn't? It's small to some teens, but it can literally feel like social currency. That's wild. I mean, I imagine that makes already fragile friendships even more complicated. Do you think it's made things harder or are there positives too? I think there are positives with it. It really does help you stay connected to people who don't go to your school or friends you don't see every day. And it's fun to share life moments and laugh at the same video or a post as someone else. Group chats really do help make plans, keep people in the loop, and it's not all bad, but I do think social media can really amplify things, both the good and the bad side of it. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I do still love sharing photos and posts with you dog ones or recipe ones. That's our all the time. What about conflict though? Do things ever get misinterpreted?'cause I know even you and I have a problem where when we're talking on text, you think one of us is yelling at the other and really that there's not, there's just no grammar involved. Yeah, that's easily true. Tone doesn't always come out through text and sometimes people take screenshots and send'em to others, and suddenly a private conversation becomes not very so private. Ugh. Or you post something and someone thinks it's about them, even when it's not. Even just liking a video can get misinterpreted as you're trying to target someone else, and then that creates the drama. It sounds exhausting. So how do you manage that, or how would you tell someone else to handle it when it gets to be too much? Honestly, I think the best thing to do is take a break, even though it's not always easy. Deleting the app or just muting stories or just going on, do not disturb for a little. Gives yourself space and you can talk about things in real life when you can. If you're upset with a friend, it's way better to say it to their face than try to get your message across with some passive aggressive post or comment. Yeah, you and I know that too. One of us is in one room, one of us is the other, the passive aggressive text, passive aggressive, not get aggress anywhere. So that's really smart. I think even adults could take that advice. Social media can be fun, but it shouldn't make you feel worse about your friendships or yourself. Exactly. It's a tool, but you have to be in control of it. You can use it in a good way, but you can also use it in a bad way and it shouldn't be able to use you. If you ever feel that social media is making you question your worth or your friendships, I think that's a sign that you need to take a step back and take a break. Yeah, good point. You know what else I can imagine can get tricky. The comparison part, like when your friends are posting about achievements or vacations or even just cute outfits, you know, or all those, you know, holiday halls or shopping halls, does it ever start to feel competitive? Yeah, there's definitely a weird unspoken pressure to keep up. Like, oh, they went to that party, or they got those shoes, or their friend commented something super nice on their post, but not mine. It's subtle, but it easily builds. But importantly, it shouldn't feel like a competition with your true friends. You should be rooting for each other. Absolutely. Absolutely. Even as an adult, I think social media can make people feel behind or left out, and we're supposed to be past that. I can't imagine going through that in high school. Definitely. The more you scroll, the more it messes with your confidence. You feel like you need to post something amazing just to prove that your life is as great as everyone else's. It's like a highlight reel of competition. So what do you do when you catch yourself feeling that way then Mags? I think I try and remind myself that most people only post the best 5% of their life, even I do. And even then it's filtered and curated. You have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. And if it gets to an extreme point, sometimes I just need to take a break or watch something silly or funny. To me, it's kind of freeing when you stop caring so much about how it looks. That's such a healthy approach. I think the bottom line is that friendship shouldn't feel like a performance in real life or online. Right. And it's okay to step back and ask why. I'll be honest, I'm kind of relieved to hear you say all this. I think a lot of parents worry that social media is ruining their kids' friendships, but maybe the key is helping them to develop the awareness to use it responsibly. I think it's also helpful to hear you agree with that. Like you said, parents worry about social media. And therefore limit their kids on the use of it. But I think you need to teach a kid how to use it, right? And how to, and that, you know, like know they can talk to you when something is going on, right? And if it's like making you feel anxious or left out or insecure in terms of your friendships, you're allowed to take a break. I know in later episodes we'll dive deeper into other things about social media, but I think when it comes to friends, we're clearly saying real life is more important than screen life. Definitely. Okay, so we spent a lot of time talking about friendships once you have it, the good and the messy. But what about when you're starting from scratch when you don't know anyone and you're walking into a new school or a new space and thinking, how do I even begin to make a friend? That definitely happens at multiple points in people's lives. Growing up, we changed tools after preschool again, after elementary, again, after middle school, and then again for high school, and now Ava's in college, and it feels like you're always starting from zero. And I remember how stressful that felt for both of you, and frankly for me as a parent too. I mean, especially you walk into a classroom or a new camp or a new situation, you don't know anyone. I think people assume kids just naturally bounce back, but making friends really takes effort and courage. I think the best thing to do is to not go in thinking that you need to find an immediate friend. Start small, say hi to the person that sits next to you in class. Compliment someone's shoes. Ask a question about homework. Just find one moment to connect with someone on something. I love that. So what would you say to someone listening in who's struggling to fit in? I'd say first you really shouldn't take it personally if things don't click right away. Sometimes it just takes a, it takes some time to find your people. Also try joining something, clubs, sports, anything that bring people together around shared interest, especially when going into a new school. That was how, that was how I made some of my friends, some of my closest friends, even. And importantly, be yourself. The people who actually vibe with you and like who you are will show up when you know you're being your real true self. No, for sure. And that's why I know my friends are sticking by me'cause they've dealt with this and this vibe. We love your real true self for, for 30 years. Um, and sometimes it's okay to go for, you know, through a semester or through a few months of being a little more alone than usual. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It just means you're in a transition and that's temporary. I, I mean, I know for parents listening, it's hard to be patient. It's hard to watch your child struggle socially. But we also gotta be careful about pushing too hard if we're just supportive and keep the conversations open. That's probably gonna yield better results. Yes. I think parents need to remind their child that being alone doesn't mean you're unlikable sometimes it just means you haven't found your people yet. Yeah. I know with Ava when she went to college, I think she was worried that everyone would instantly find their friend group. Right. But she described that first week like an exhausting social marathon. Talking about your major, talking about where you're from, talking about where dorm you're in. Everyone's walking around trying to find their people and quickly learn. Then almost no one shows up with a built in best friend and everyone's just trying to figure it out. That's very true. From the outside, it looks like everyone instantly found their group, but half the time those aren't even the people they stay friends with. No, absolutely not. The first few weeks are just trial runs. I mean, frankly, these friends I became much closer with in sophomore year and even some leader. Than I ever did, even freshman year. You go to random events, you eat lunch with random people, slowly, sometimes over months. You find the friends who stick and sometimes they're good enough for them. It's totally normal. It takes time, and I think that's an important reminder, especially for moms listenings who are sending their kids off to college or off to camp or off to a new school. The timeline isn't immediate. It's a process, and if it doesn't happen right away, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just takes time and everyone goes on their own time. Absolutely. And I think it's also important to note that you don't need to have a ton of friends. Maggie, you and I are similar in that we love to have a few very close ones. Definitely doesn't mean we don't socialize and see others, but more important to us is that the ones we surround ourselves with are the best as of friends. And that's worth far more. Exactly. So what can we take away from all this? Friendships are complicated and they change over time, but they also teach us so much. Yeah, and honestly, friendships are one of the biggest influences on who we are. We start to pick up habits, humor, and even perspectives from the people we spend time with. So if your friendship doesn't feel like a safe place to you where you think you can be yourself, I think it's a sign to rethink them. Yeah, very smart. And so for children, I think our advice would be that friendships should feel safe, not stressful. Right? And it's okay if friendships change over time. Not all are meant to last forever. But you also need to think through and get advice on when to talk things out versus when to walk away. And for parents, you sadly can't protect your kids from all friendship heartaches, but you can help them through the process. Yes. Your role definitely isn't to try and control their friendships, but it's to teach'em how to handle these relationships in a healthy way. Yeah, and clearly sometimes the best thing to do as parents is just to listen without judgment. Which we've talked about before, it comes up of course all the time. Um, and most of all, no matter what, friendship should bring joy and support in your life, not stress or insecurity. You know, if you feel like you're walking on eggshells around someone, and especially with a friend, it is time to let that friendship go. So what do the qualities you look for Most of friends. I'm definitely someone who needs someone who's consistent, whether that's on making plans, opinions on people, or situations. Or even just how they approach the friendship and treat myself and others. I can't handle someone who's constantly hating this person and loving them the next day. Being attached to this person and being attached to someone else the next day, it's becomes hard for me. You just feel like you're stuck in the middle of someone and you never know. The kind of friendship you're gonna have with them day to day. I so totally feel the same way. Drama not into it. I love that. Not into it. Yep. So final verdict, are friendships always worth the drama? Not always. Some friendships just take more work than others do. But if it's a good friendship, you really wanna reserve. Talking to someone, to a person or through an issue is probably the better approach. But if it is becoming a deeper situation than just drama, it's definitely time to take a step back. Absolutely. Thanks Maggie. We make a pretty good team. Yeah. Who even needs Ava? Just kidding. Totally kidding. And if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to share, follow, like, and subscribe so you don't miss future conversations, and we love hearing from you. So leave a comment, share your thoughts, and let us know what's the best or worst friendship advice you've ever gotten. See you next time since my girls always have more to discuss with their mom.