Money Talks (and Sometimes Argues): How We Spend, Save & See It Differently

🎙 Episode 6: Money Talks (and Sometimes Argues): How We Spend, Save & See It Differently
From allowance debates to the pull of online shopping hauls, this episode of I Get It From My Mom dives deep into how families talk (and sometimes clash) about money.

Elissa and her teenage daughter Maggie get candid about growing up with financial privilege—but also learning to appreciate what they have. They cover everything from budgeting, chores, and the pressure to keep up with social media, to grandparents’ generosity, the reality of working teens, and what The White Lotus can teach us (or not!) about comfort and privilege.

💸 In this episode, we explore:
✅ Why their family never did traditional allowance—and whether that was the right move
✅ The impact of growing up in a big city surrounded by wealth and struggle
✅ The rise of impulse spending from TikTok hauls and Instagram ads
✅ When teens should get a job and what they learn when they do
✅ The influence of generous grandparents—and how to balance gratitude vs guilt
✅ The White Lotus Test: Could you live without your creature comforts?
✅ How to raise kids who value money and give back generously

Whether you're a teen trying to manage your first Venmo balance or a parent wondering how to start the money conversation, this episode is packed with real talk, laughs, and reflection—without the financial jargon.

🎧 Tune in now for honest, funny, and thoughtful money talk across generations.

📲 Follow, share, and leave us a review—it helps us reach more families looking to open up real conversations. And tell us on our Instagram @i.get.it.from.mymom: What’s one thing you’ve spent money on that was totally worth it—or a total waste?

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:02 Is It Worth It? (Budgeting & Value)
• 5:48 Allowance & Chores
• 7:48 The Pressure to Keep Up
• 11:26 Teens & Working
• 13:46 Gifts, Grandparents & Generosity
• 15:33 Privileges & Comfort
• 17:34 Giving Back & Paying It Forward
• 19:04 Money Lessons in a Tough Economy
• 22:19 Closing Comments

Transcript

0:05

​How do you teach kids the value of money without turning it into a lecture or a meltdown in the middle of a store aisle? Or how do you focus on saving your money when social media makes it so easy to shop? Since everything online says, buy it now, right? Or how do you find the time to make the effort to shop, plan and cook dinners in advance so you stop paying the incredibly high Uber Eats in DoorDash charges. Welcome back to, I Get It from my mom. I'm Elissa, the mom in question, working parent, longtime budgeter, frequent spender and occasional bad guy. When I say no to yet another online hall and I'm Maggie, I'm 15 and doing my best to make smart choices when it comes to money. We're not experts, but we're a mom and her daughter. Having the conversations families need about money spending, privilege, pressure, and what it means to be financially smart in today's world. So whether you're budgeting for your next big purchase, or wondering if you should be tipping 20% on a smoothie, let's talk about money. Not just how we spend or save it, but how we think about it, how it shows up in our family values. Our privileges, our habits, and our challenges. And sadly, again, we're doing this episode without Ava who remains under the weather. Although she may be getting off easy this time, we all know she likes to shop and spend money. Seriously. Let's start with something simple, but important how money showed up in our lives from the beginning. Your dad and I have worked hard to give you girls a really good life. That's something we're proud of. We can afford to take family vacations, eat out when we choose, buy you things you want. Not always, but often. Yeah, and I think me and Ava always felt that I never felt like we were missing out, but I was also aware that not everyone around me had those same privileges. Like I would have classmates who couldn't afford to go on the school trips, couldn't get new sneakers each season, or couldn't go to sleepaway camp. And I remember thinking, wow, not everyone has what we do. Well, I'm glad you have that awareness. Ava had a friend actually when she was younger in elementary school, who was here all the time, and I would purposely feed her dinner or offer to take her places. Since I knew her family struggled with money, Ava didn't even realize and I never said anything to the mom or kid, but hopefully they appreciated that. We are trying to share a bit of what we have. And I think it's important to recognize that every family manages and values money and time differently. Some families have two working full-time parents just to make ends meet. Others have one parent at home or jobs with flexible hours or parents who travel constantly. There's no one normal. Yeah, I have friends whose parents work night shifts or weekends and that totally changes how they handle school stuff or activities. It's not always about money, it's about availability too. That's why I try to remind us, and I guess for other families listening that what's comfortable for one family might be totally average for another. Dad and I both wanted a certain level of lifestyle for us and for you, and we've worked very hard for that, but we're also very aware of how quickly things can change as we've been out of work before, and it's definitely stressful. Yeah, it's a reminder not to judge. You never know why someone might not be in the same activities or have the same things. Maybe their family priorities or work schedules are different, and that's okay. Right. Money, time, energy, it all plays into how families function and we don't always talk about that part when we talk about, you know, quote unquote privilege but I think it matters just as much and it's not like we get everything we want because we definitely hear no a lot. But we understand why like when something's too expensive, you explain why it doesn't make sense. Exactly. We never wanted you to grow up thinking things just appear or that price didn't matter. Even when we could afford something, we'd still talk about whether it was worth it. That's the piece I hope sticks with you more than any allowance. I think it has, I find myself thinking about cost versus value all the time. Like, is it worth it to spend$30 on takeout again, or could I just eat what it's in the fridge, eat what's in the fridge or when I'm out shopping and I see a sweatshirt, I like, do I, I sometimes think like. Is it really worth that much? Do I really like it, or is it even worth it? That's the beginning of being financially aware of mags, not just knowing what money is, but having a mindset that money is a tool, not a lifestyle. And we've tried to be honest with you about money, not just the practical part, but the emotional part. When you were younger, we tried to protect you from stress about money, but as you got older, I felt it was important to include you in the why. We want you to understand where we are and how we think about things. I've definitely noticed that the conversation shifted from, no, we're not buying that to, let's talk about if it's worth it. You included us more, and that helped us get better at making decisions too. That was definitely evident when Ava was looking and choosing colleges. Yeah. And everything to us is kind of about value for money is what you're buying worth it? And at your ages, we're certainly not trying to scare you, but it's important to understand budgeting and costs. All right. Let's get honest about One thing we didn't really do on our house, formal allowance. I know a lot of families give their kids a set amount each week or month tied to chores or just as a learning tool, but we never really did that. Yeah, I mean, we never got like$5 a week for just existing or a set chore chart where we'd get paid to unload the dishwasher or walk the dog right in our house. Helping out wasn't a job. It was part of being the family. You contributed because you lived here, that's why you helped clean up after dinner or took out the garbage or sort of kind of kept your room somewhat livable. We're still working on the, could you walk the dog please Ankle? I mean, yeah, it never felt weird that we didn't get an allowance, but maybe we missed something by not having to manage a set amount of money for ourselves. That's what I sometimes wonder. We gave you money when you needed it within reason, you know, for school events, for dinner, out with friends, for a birthday gift. And when we said no, we tried to explain why, but maybe an allowance would've helped you learn how to make choices before you got older, and were making bigger ones on bigger spend. That's fair. When it comes to being your own money, even if it's a small amount, it makes you think twice. So maybe we should have done it differently. I mean, maybe starting a small allowance during middle school would've helped us make mistakes while the stakes were low. Even something like, here's$10 a week where you don't spread and you can keep, that probably would've been smart. Yeah. We don't always do smart things here. Lesson learned for the future or for your own kids someday. But I also think every family has to figure out what works best. For us, it was more about communication and values. We may not have handed out a weekly bill, but we talked about why things cost, what they do, and what we could or couldn't afford. I also think that, I also think it helps kids not get attached to doing jobs for money. It shows that those chores aren't just to get a reward, but something you need to do to help out the family or help out in the house. Good. I'm glad you recognize that. So let's talk about something we haven't touched on yet, but that's everywhere. The pressure to quote unquote, you know, keep up. Whether it's what your classmates are wearing, what people are posting, what someone got for their birthday, there's this constant comparison loop. Totally. I didn't even realize it was happening until I scrolled through TikTok or Instagram and suddenly feel like I need five new products. I didn't care about those five minutes ago. And the hauls like the giant Sephora or shopping hauls where someone casually shows everything they bought and it's hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. Or those young kid on boxing videos. It makes it seem normal to get new stuff all the time, and it really pressures kids to want new things. Yeah, I mean, sadly, Ava actually did one of those hauls, I think over the holidays and that thing went viral and I don't think that's the message she was trying to send. She just. Wanted to share some things, but it definitely doesn't send the right message. And when I was a kid, we had no idea where our peers owned unless we physically saw it. Now it's broadcasted everywhere daily, that pressure to keep up, which I think what it is, what Ava was doing is real. And it's exhausting, I would think, for kids and adults. And that's the trap of, you know, like retail therapy, right? It, it feels good for five minutes, but it doesn't solve anything deeper. You just end up with a lot of clutter, too much in your closet. And maybe that a regret about that. Yeah, we know about your clutter. That's why I try to ask am I bored or do I actually need this? Because boredom shopping is a real thing. Also, TikTok, so many impulse buy come from a ten second video. It's kind of dangerous. Yeah. I actually read something recently. It was some 2023 SE or something that said that Gen Z makes more impulse purchases than any generation before. Often due to social media influence and you know, I think Gen Z is spending Gen X's money. So recognizing that before you check out, I think that's powerful to know when second guess yourself. And at this point, it's not even just stuff anymore, it's also experiences like seeing everyone go to a concert or take a trip. And feeling like you are missing out if you don't do that stuff. Yeah. That's why we've always tried to do to, you know, talk to you guys about what really matters to us. Just because someone else is doing it doesn't mean it's the right choice for you. And money spent out of comparison is rarely gonna be money well spent. For me, I'd always choose to spend money on experiences like Broadway shows together or family vacations more than anything material. And why? I know you and Ava appreciate those. I think that you guys tend to often want things, clothing, skincare, makeup. There was actually a study recently done that a lot of the people who went to Coachella and got tickets, got a payment plan for it.'cause it's such expensive tickets and so many people can't pay for it right up. But so many people wanna go that it's like. This year more than ever, people are on like payment plans for, to get those experiences. And note by the way, the payment plans charge interest. Yeah. You know, it might be$200 today, but if you're gonna pay it over time, I'm sure it winds up$300. Definitely. And that's something to keep in mind. It's like a credit card. I don't think it's exactly true that me and Ava want more things, but I do know we likely have way too much of that stuff. We, we cleaned out my closet the other day, don't remind me. And definitely had a lot to donate. I think we're both trying to get better at making smart decisions. That's good. That's the goal. It's okay to want things, but let them come from your own priorities, not pressure, and let them come from a need not always a want. And parents, I think this is a great area to talk with your kids about values, you know, what really matters versus what's just noise and meant as comparison. So Maggie, do you think teens should work? And if so when? I definitely think there's a value to it. I would love to get a babysitting job or help with kids' birthday parties. It's not just easy to find work at this age. I want the experience, not just the money, but also feeling like I'm able to earn and have something to myself. Yeah. There's a big shift when the money you're spending is yours that you've earned versus mine that I earned. It's like you might hesitate before buying another, you know,$10 coffee. Yes. Even when it's on my own money from gifts, gifts or something, I still get like scared at the idea of. Spending it and you become so thoughtful about it and suddenly you don't need that extra thing. Yeah, and that's the whole point. It builds appreciation. I'm sure teens who work part-time jobs develop stronger work ethics and are more financially responsible in college and beyond because they had that, I babysat younger and then worked in an office after school once I could drive and worked at a camp in summers. I think that makes sense and I feel like I take more pride in buying something if I was the one that worked for it. Even if it's small, like pairs of jeans or movie tickets, pair of jeans ain't so small these days. Definitely not. Yeah. And I know you have a lot going on with schoolwork and after school activities, so do you feel like you have time for a job? I mean, I do a few hours a week. I know I have a friend actually who's currently playing volleyball and there's a lot of times where he can't go to games or practices and it's honestly holding him back'cause he's missing so many, practicing so many games that like the coach doesn't wanna play him. Because he is not putting in the effort as much as other kids. Even if it's something he can't really control. Because he has a job, you mean? Yeah, he like can't go'cause he goes to work and like whether it's in the evenings or the weekends, it would be nice to have that time to take a job. But there's so many other commitments. Especially as a teen in school, you have to do, yeah, I think as parents we shouldn't. You know, force our kids to take on a responsibility if they don't need to. Mm-hmm. And if it may be conflicts with other things, because I do think being in a sport and a group activity is a good thing, but a few hours a week of making some money, I wouldn't complain too much about you doing that, Maggie. And for anyone listening, I'm always available to babysit. I'm so responsible and super fun, I can assure you. Great. Plug for yourself, mags. Hire Maggie. Exactly. Shifting topics a bit. Neither daddy nor I came from a lot of money, but our parents worked really hard to provide a good life for us and you girls have grown up luckily with incredibly generous grandparents. They were awesome about saving all their lives, so now wonderfully helped to pay for your education, give you memorable birthday gifts and take us on incredible family vacations. That's something I think about a lot. I know how unusual that is. A lot of kids I know can't afford to travel and Ava certainly knows friends who have a big student loans to deal with and we try not to take it for granted. Even talking about colleges now, it's in crazy for me to see so many kids who have to discuss prices of college is a lot more than I do. Yeah, that's exactly why we're trying to bring it out in the open. There's a difference between feeling guilty and feeling grateful. You don't have to apologize for your family doing okay or have a little privilege or the generosity. I. Of others around us, but we should acknowledge it and understand how it can shape our perspective. And it makes me wanna do the same someday day. Like I wanna be successful enough that I can help my family or give my kids opportunities without making them entitled or you know, give it back to your parents. Exactly. And it also puts into context the idea of gifts. When we were younger, we loved getting stuff and it was more about quality, meaning or experiences. I'd rather get a weekend away or a dinner out than just more things. Yeah, I think we're running outta things. Frankly, I can't think of a single thing to ask for my birthday and Maggie's birthday's coming up. We'll talk about it soon. 16 things we love about Maggie and that evolution matters because the more thoughtful we are about giving and receiving, the more intentional we become with money overall. Also, when you see what generosity looks like, it encourages you to give back it. It makes you. Appreciate it so much so let's bring in a pop culture moment. I hate to bring it up again, but White Lotus and the Ratliff family, for anyone who's not as familiar, and I know Maggie are not, Maggie has not watched White Lotus. They're a very, very wealthy family who admit they cannot live without all of their creature comforts. They character played by Parker Posey. The mom actually says, and I'm not gonna attempt to do that Southern accent, but she says, I don't think at this age I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life. I don't have the will. And her kids echo this in saying they need to have air conditioning and good food and fancy life around them. And it made me think, have we raised you to appreciate things Wow. To that character online. But I do think we do appreciate what we have. We know we're lucky to be able to go on vacations or out to dinners and go to camp and we definitely recognize that not everyone gets those experiences, especially with our city upbringing. We see wealth and struggle every day. Yeah, that's the white lotus test. Could you live without your usual comfort? Could you travel without a fancy hotel? Could you not get what you want and still be content? And we certainly don't need or even ever experience the best of everything in our family. Not at all. We budget and save for vacations. We don't take them when we're not able to. We watch what we spend on extras, like manicures and eating out. Um, but to be fair, there are many things we consider to be basics that are comforts to some. We rely on air conditioning and it heat when appropriate. For example, we need running water and electricity and privacy. We're not exactly the roughing IT types. No, but I do think you and I would be better at roughing it than Dad and Ava. We could better handle camping, bathing in a river or eating whatever than those two could. Yeah. Just not bugs. I don't want to eat bugs, but I totally agree. We suck at bugs. Definitely not bugs, but let's be sure like I don't need to have some survivor like competition to prove it. I'm we'll just, and I take our word for it. Absolutely. So we touched on a little, but we really can't talk about money without talking about generosity. If we have more than we need, we should help those who don't. That's been a part of our family forever. I remember being little and picking out toys or stuffed animals to donate at the holidays, even when I really wanted to keep them. You always wanted to keep them, and I know you always donate your items or time to our schools and have any charity type thing you've been involved in. And we certainly donate lots of barely used clothes to the Salvation Army or nearby local thrift locations. Or you guys will always pay a little extra when I go on a school trip to help support other people who can't pay as much. Yeah, because giving money or time teaches empathy, it reminds you that your problems aren't the only ones, and that everyone, no matter how much they make, can give something. And it's not just big donations, it's tipping fairly, supporting small businesses, helping someone without expecting something back. Yes. And that's such an important lesson for kids. Giving builds confidence too. It makes you feel like you can create change. I remember when Ava did a big charity drive a bunch of years ago for the American Kidney Association as her and your grandfather had been a recipient of a kidney transplant, and we knew intimately what kidney disease can mean for people. She was so proud of having raised money. We all participated in a big family walk. That was just really amazing. Yeah, and I did the big funding for the Trevor Project since I feel strongly about that. And equality for All in helping the youth who need support. No, absolutely. These things humble us, which is good. All right, so looking at the big picture though, right now the economy is a bit rough and everything seems expensive. Groceries, gas, rent, insurance, tuition, eggs, eggs, right? The wealth gap is winding, and sadly, you're growing up in a world where financial stress is real. Yeah, it's scary. I mean, I know Ava is worried about finding a job when she graduates college, and yet these days even people with good jobs are worried about bills. Yeah. That's why I think we need to have these conversations, not to create fear, but to prepare, to understand, to build resilience. So what's the big picture here? Money is a complicated topic and I think we were felt awkward even talking about it, but it's one worth talking about, especially between parents and kids, maybe not between us and strangers though, whether it's how we're raised, how we spend, or how we compare ourselves to others, the way we think about money shaped by so many things, and we know it's not always easy to bring up, but having these conversations really helps. It makes you feel more in control and less afraid to ask questions. And also it helps you understand that everyone's situation is different. Not every family spends the same or has the same priorities, and that's okay. No, and that's a good point. People may have money, but they spend it differently or prefer to save or you know, so you never know everyone's situation. So before we sign off, we always try to do the know lessons for our listeners. So let's try this for both, you know, kids and parents. So I'd say for kids or teenagers. One, earning your own money helps you appreciate its value. So if you can get a job, and I know it's even been tough, Maggie, to find, she is available for babysitting, as we've said, um, you know, earning your money is important'cause it appreciates the value. And social media is not real life. Don't listen to it. Spend money on your values, not trends. If you've had financial support, I think we say be grateful and generous with your own, and don't hesitate to ask questions about money. Not, of course, you know, everything that your parents make or do is necessary for you to know, and we've never shared that with our children. But I think understanding the value and what things are worth and the comparisons is important. And for parents, don't avoid the money talk. Let kids into the process when it's appropriate and when they're old enough.'cause it really does help them understand when you say no to things Y and just help them. Help for themselves in the future. Use chores and allowances. Tools for teaching, not bribes. If a kid doesn't wash the dishes, don't say, I'll give you$10 if you do it.'cause that just shows they'll only do it if there's a reward. And help your kids navigate peer pressure and spending wisely. I. Like she said before, social media can be dangerous and really influences kids a lot, but let them know when you should spend money on something shouldn't, and not get influenced by other people. Recognize that not all families look or function the same. Don't teach your kids that what we're doing is the only way. But also you don't have to show them people have less money, but make them be aware. And if you are aware, it helps your kids be more aware and ne next, model gratitude, balance and giving. If you don't raise your kids, or if you do, raise your kids to show empathy and give back to the community. They'll have a similar mindset once they get older and get more aware of the process. No, that's great and thanks Maggie for this good. Talk through, I think what's kind of an awkward subject and to our audience. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a parent or teen who's ever asked, can I have money for that? And follow, like, and subscribe so you can never miss an episode. We'd love to hear from you about your own money lessons or any feedback you have on on, on any of our episodes. And remember whether you're saving, spending or still figuring out, you probably at least got some of that from your mom. See you next time.