Le Creme Noir (Or the Powers That Be)

A leech loving scientist posing as an OBGYN just might not be the worst doctor in town... extra hilarious episode, please check out our upcoming live shows at iO at www.improvisedradio.com

Crew -

• Chuck Cotterman - Host
• Katlin Schneider - Proudction
• Ed Zak - Foley Table

Cast - 

• Joe Hartenstein - Jessica’s Husband, Jimmy the Bartender 
• Carly Olson - Helen the Telekenetic Nurse, Frederique the French Leech, Becky the Travel Agent
• Jordan Reichardt -  The Straight Forward Psychologist , Milton the Milkmen
• Ben Vigent - Opening Narrator, Dr.Mcdreamy the OBGYN, 
• Ashley Whitehurt - Jessica the Human, Jessica the Leech
• Eric Pedersen - Dr. Seymour Powers, Michelle the Leech

Theme Music: Mark Rose www.downwrite.com 

Here's a silly AI recap of the episode:

Step into a crackling world where vintage radio charm meets razor-sharp improv. We stage a full golden age broadcast—complete with foley, sponsor jingles, and a pompous announcer—and build a heartfelt, absurd mystery around Dr. Seymour Powers, a not-quite-licensed OBGYN who swears by medieval cures and keeps leeches like family. When Jessica arrives determined to keep her pregnancy secret from a well-connected spouse, the clinic becomes a crossroads for agency, love, and the strange comforts of confidence without competence.

As the story unfolds, Helen the telekinetic nurse proves she sees everything; Milton the milkman rations dairy and gossip with equal menace; and Becky, a feminist travel agent who always wanted to pilot, finally takes the cockpit. Between witty “Johnson’s Jalopies” ads and a bartender’s deadpan advice, mustard poultices stand in for medicine, leeches sing doo-wop, and a city’s worth of characters pile into a plane that somehow becomes a chapel. Along the way, we dig into the real stuff—who gets to decide, how power masks as tradition, why being seen can rewrite a life—and we do it with a smile and a chorus.

By the time vows are exchanged at cruising altitude and a candy addiction is “cured” by community, you’ll have laughed at the nonsense and felt the truth underneath it: authority is often a performance, and care is something we make together. If you love improvised comedy, old-time radio vibes, feminist humor, eccentric doctors, and joyful chaos that lands with heart, this one’s for you.

Enjoy the ride and keep the jalopy running: subscribe, share with a friend who needs a laugh, and leave a quick review telling us your favorite moment from the flight.

Transcript

Cold Open, Crowd Prompts, Setup

SPEAKER_15 0:00

A quick note there are some audio issues with us interacting with the audience of this episode. It doesn't last the whole episode, so you can skip straight to the Improv if you don't like how it sounds. The suggestions have to do with drinking coffee late, leeches, a birthday, a flight from California, and an old broken classic car.

SPEAKER_12 0:19

And the researchers found that asbestos is no more dangerous than colorful, delicious lead paint. You're listening to KIGAR radio. Don't touch that dial. You have no idea what it does.

SPEAKER_15 0:52

Staged and performed in the full style of a classic old-time radio broadcast. Today's show was recorded on August 4th, 2024 at the Bug House Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Come see us live at the Iowa Theater in the middle of three Saturdays of January 2026 at 6 p.m. See ImprovisedRadio.com for more details on live shows when Freeman Doncom comes with Mexico and Chicago and Deutschland Point. Take it away, Chuck.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Ben Vijent and Jordan Rychock.

SPEAKER_10 1:25

I got everybody this time. Now the previous uh program is wrapping up, and that's our Saturday Sunday news hour. Uh they are getting all of the wonderful and depressing news from around the world. And while they do that, I'm going to go ahead and talk to the audience. I'd like to find out a little bit about all of you. And oh, I'll I think I'll come to you first, man. Now, my question for everyone today is uh with the wonderful things going on in town, to this weekend we had our Lollapalooza. And coming up in just a few weeks, the Democratic National Convention. Wonderful reasons to come to Chicago. So my question for all of you is is there a dangerous or foolish thing that you've done this weekend or summer, or perhaps this year?

SPEAKER_07 2:10

And uh as promised, Mad Well, um, as was before I have a small flat white piece of coffee drink from the future.

SPEAKER_11 2:23

Oh, hi, flat white. Um was it sparkling before?

SPEAKER_07 2:26

Um it's fine. Coffee. It's pretty dangerous.

SPEAKER_11 2:35

Uh I will notify the EMTs. Yes, yes. They're on the scene for every broadcast just to make sure in case there's a split, a fall, or a coffee reaction. Um coffee past 5 p.m. Truly daring. I assume somewhere from uh South America, uh wonderfully.

SPEAKER_17 2:52

Um actually it's from France.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

I can say copy and dark roof style. Well, we will all be watching you to make sure that you stay with it. Excellent. And uh Miz, what what dangerous performance thing have you done this year? This year. This year. Oh my gosh. I know you seem you seem hard pressed to come up with this weekend, so I've only just landed in Chicago, so it's Chicago explain.

SPEAKER_04 3:19

Just give me a plane that's crazy.

SPEAKER_11 3:22

That's very dangerous. I've heard things falling off of planes. Yeah. Candy makes a man crazy, obviously. I assume that the candy had absolutely nothing next to it with it.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

What a future crazy. My umbrella.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Excellent. A little marriage.

SPEAKER_04 4:06

I'm gonna put a mischief and then fly back.

SPEAKER_17 4:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

She confirms it, everyone. Uh Matt, are you looking for recently?

SPEAKER_11 4:22

Uh I stayed at 3 a.m.

unknown 4:26

3 a.m.?

SPEAKER_11 4:27

That's not Friday a.m. anymore. You stayed up. That's still Saturday. We are into Saturday. All the programs are off the air. Just stand flying through. What happened did you do? No flights three? No lights.

SPEAKER_07 4:40

No, just uh spending time with friends.

SPEAKER_11 4:44

They all sound like very good friends keeping up the door. Three of you. Good. Alright. I'm gonna come up with you. Please. Anything crazy you've done recently. Something that perhaps risked your life or your money or time.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

Oh man. I mean so many things. Trying to narrow it down. Uh my fiance and I, we just got back from a trip. We were in beautiful Door County, Wisconsin. Dorr County, Wisconsin? Yes. And uh in my we were visiting my dad's side of the family, and in the family they had this old like vintage jeepster. Which every year it's kind of hit or miss if it's gonna be actually running or functioning.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_04 5:24

This year it was up and running, so we took a long drive in it, and I'd say that was pretty recipe. Uh it is you're never gonna live that's gonna be the moment it breaks down. I mean the fuel gauge was now to be working, so we couldn't tell how much gas was in it.

SPEAKER_11 5:37

Jumping around in the July Jeeps, sir. Okay. Fantastic. Uh we did come back.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

We did, we made it out of that break.

SPEAKER_11 5:45

Was anyone left before?

SPEAKER_04 5:46

No.

SPEAKER_11 5:47

Oh, okay. I'm glad to know that.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

One minute, one minute till broadcast.

SPEAKER_11 5:51

One minute till broadcast. I have just one more question to ask then. Uh may ask friend, anything crazy or foolish with you? Uh uh I um wanna. I don't know. I I uh uh uh tried to um pick out my cat too many times. As far as I know from modern animal husbandry, you don't touch cats. Um it's simply a no-go. That's right. Fairly domesticated. Just like yeah, basically. And did you use any that you have clearly having comments on the case? Oh yeah. Uh yes, I yeah, yeah. I I actually have uh several um uh uh leeches. No one is using the leeches anymore. Honestly, refreshing to hear that you still want to go. Uh the leeches are the best!

Enter Dr. Seymour Powers And The Leeches

SPEAKER_10 6:50

The safest thing that's been talked about all evening here is that the leeches were used to draw the infection out. Excellent! And with that absolutely thrilling end of our conversation, the broadcast is about to begin. We are sponsored tonight by Johnson's Jalopes. If you would like a car that will almost certainly get you from point A to point B, but then very little else. Johnson's Jalopes has you covered. And Johnson's Jalopes, you know that you will get out the door. From there it's up to you. The WBGH Bughouse players are brought to you by Johnson's Jalopes, and each of them has their own jalopy that they used to get out of the car lot the other day. Not sure what's happened since then. Perhaps we will find out later in the program. But tonight we have on stage Eric Peterson, Joe Hartenstein, Carly Olsen, Jordan Reichhardt, Ashley Whitehurst, Ben Vegan, and on the table, Ed Zach. And our story begins this evening our thrilling tale. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the mystery.

SPEAKER_14 8:03

Wind runs through the cavernous streets, high-rises on both sides. We peer down and see a little sign. Dr. Seymour Powers. Dr. Seymour Powers isn't quite your traditional doctor. Seymour Powers didn't quite get a medical degree. But that's fine. Because Dr. Seymour Powers. We open up the door, a bell jingles. That's right, it's one of those bells. We pass Lucy at the front desk, and there he is, sitting in his little doctor's office, sweating, because he had a 6 p.m. French breast. He looks at his jars, the jars with his friends, the little leeches. Dr. Powers is not a traditional modern doctor. No. He abides by medicine from the medieval times. And a very interesting patient enters today.

SPEAKER_16 9:40

Oh yes, my little jarred friends. It's so nice to spend alone time with you. Hello, bleach number one, Jessica. Oh, Jessica, how have you been? Yes, let me roll you around. Rolling your jar around. I'm glad I'm alone in my little laboratory. If I weren't, I'd hear the bell at the door. Oh, Jessica, you look sleepy. Let me put you down. Oh! Oh! Go to sleep, my sweet beautiful friends. Hello.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

Hello, Doctor. Um, I was told you're the one to see if I have an interesting problem.

SPEAKER_16 10:29

Well, I've been known to be interested in an interesting thing from time to time. What is your name?

SPEAKER_05 10:37

My name is Jessica.

SPEAKER_16 10:41

Oh my god. Excuse me, excuse me, uh Jessica. I'm Dr. Seymour Powers. Welcome.

SPEAKER_05 10:49

It's it's nice to meet you. I went ahead and put on the gown.

SPEAKER_16 10:52

Oh, yes, I I see that.

SPEAKER_05 10:54

I wasn't sure if uh But I wasn't sure if I tied it correctly.

SPEAKER_16 10:58

Uh as long as it's very tight, that would be great. Oh, jeez. I'm not used to dealing with people so much. Okay, Jessica, what is your problem?

SPEAKER_05 11:09

Um I'm pregnant. It's not quite a problem. Um it's um I want to keep it.

SPEAKER_16 11:22

You've come to the right place.

SPEAKER_05 11:25

And I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_16 11:28

This is something I can help you with.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

It's a problem because um I don't think my partner wants me to keep it, and I want to keep it.

SPEAKER_16 11:37

Have you heard of psychologists? I have a friend right down the hallway that might be able to engage in couples counseling.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

Yes, um, but I would like you to be my OPGYN. I can't go to a traditional one because my partner knows every OPGYN in the town.

Jessica’s Secret Pregnancy And “Treatment”

SPEAKER_16 12:01

I'm far from a traditional OPGYN. So in that way, again, you've come to the right place. Well, as long as you're okay with an A traditional treatment, uh, you know, happily be your OPGYN.

SPEAKER_05 12:15

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm fine with it. And um, uh, should I just get on the table?

SPEAKER_16 12:20

Uh no, no, just stand there. I'm just gonna listen to your belly with my stethoscope here. One moment.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

I like I like all your jars. What do you hear, Doctor?

SPEAKER_16 12:36

Uh a chicken? No, I'm just kidding. It's a normal baby crying inside of you. Just like I expected to hear. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:48

So that's what I've heard they do. They cry.

SPEAKER_16 12:51

Yes, inside and then outside.

SPEAKER_05 12:53

Outside. Since inception, all they do is cry.

SPEAKER_16 12:56

Yes, yes. It means you have a healthy baby.

SPEAKER_05 12:59

Amazing, amazing to hear. How how far along am I? When am I due?

SPEAKER_16 13:02

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 13:03

Surely you can put one of your creatures in the jar on my belly to figure that out.

SPEAKER_16 13:09

Yeah, just j dunking my hand in a jar really quick here. Fishing around, grabbing a leech.

SPEAKER_05 13:16

Oh, meat.

SPEAKER_16 13:17

Jessica. Oh, that's Meat Jessica.

SPEAKER_05 13:22

Is it safe to put a leech on my belly?

SPEAKER_16 13:26

Probably. Certainly, one can't do too much harm.

SPEAKER_05 13:29

You know what I trust you, because I can trust no other OPTYN in the town.

SPEAKER_16 13:33

Right, and also you Yes, I'm not one. But you can trust me so far as I've been completely honest.

SPEAKER_05 13:41

You have.

SPEAKER_16 13:44

Let me ask you something.

SPEAKER_05 13:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_16 13:46

Why does your partner your husband?

SPEAKER_05 13:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_16 13:50

Why does he not want you to have a baby?

SPEAKER_05 13:53

It's too early in our marriage, he says. He wants us to travel more.

SPEAKER_16 13:58

I just gotta flick this leech in your stomach from over here.

SPEAKER_05 14:02

Oh no, it's on my chest. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh oh. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

Doctor. I have a special appointment that I have made for you.

SPEAKER_14 14:21

Excellent.

SPEAKER_06 14:23

It's an appointment that's very private.

SPEAKER_14 14:27

Well, I typically tell everyone every appointment I get. Maybe one day there will be laws about that, but.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Well, I know.

SPEAKER_14 14:37

Until then, my business is your business. That's what it says on my sign.

SPEAKER_08 14:42

I know, and I know that you tell every OBGYUN in the city everything that happens in here.

SPEAKER_14 14:49

I mean, is there another way? We exchange notes.

SPEAKER_08 14:54

I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse.

SPEAKER_14 14:56

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_08 14:57

I wouldn't know anything.

SPEAKER_06 15:01

But I need an appointment with you.

SPEAKER_14 15:05

Helen, wait. Do you want an appointment with me as a nurse and as a patient?

SPEAKER_06 15:11

I want it as a woman.

SPEAKER_14 15:21

I don't quite have the vocabulary to deal with this.

SPEAKER_06 15:24

So I told you it's very private.

SPEAKER_14 15:26

Okay. Well, all right, Helen.

SPEAKER_06 15:30

Yes. Doctor.

SPEAKER_14 15:34

I'm You're the only nurse I have.

SPEAKER_08 15:37

I know. I drove all the rest away.

SPEAKER_14 15:41

You have a certain way about you.

SPEAKER_08 15:44

I do. It's my lazy eye.

SPEAKER_06 15:47

I keep it on everybody.

SPEAKER_14 15:50

It's very impressive.

SPEAKER_06 15:52

I know.

SPEAKER_14 15:53

If I was a different doctor other than an OBGYN, I would try to check it out. But that's just not what I do.

SPEAKER_08 16:00

No, it's basically my superpower. I can be looking at two things at once. For instance, I know that that jar of q-tips is going to fall now.

SPEAKER_14 16:09

Told you. I'm just impressed that the q-tips fell down.

SPEAKER_08 16:15

Yes, I didn't cause that with my mind. Doctor, you look kafuffled.

SPEAKER_14 16:25

I'm peaked.

SPEAKER_08 16:26

Oh, I'm sorry I don't have the language.

SPEAKER_14 16:29

Well, I don't have the vocabulary. Helen!

SPEAKER_08 16:32

Yes, Doctor.

SPEAKER_14 16:33

Please don't diagnose a doctor. That's something neither a patient nor a nurse nor a woman should do.

SPEAKER_08 16:40

I can't help that I'm a woman.

SPEAKER_14 16:44

Alright. Well, so, alright, fine. I'll keep this a secret. Alright. But I will tell at least a few people.

SPEAKER_08 16:54

Okay, do you know which ones? Oh just you can't.

SPEAKER_14 17:00

The milkman.

SPEAKER_08 17:01

Oh no. I'm in a relationship with him. But I don't love him. You're in a relationship with Milton the Milkman? Yes, I am. With Milton the Milkman. And he will not bring any more milk to us, which you know is important for an OPGYN. It's extremely important.

SPEAKER_14 17:24

It's one of the essential building blocks of every human.

SPEAKER_08 17:27

But if he knows how I feel about a certain someone, then he might not bring any more milk to you.

SPEAKER_14 17:35

Alright, well Wait to me? Yes. Wait, now uh my milk is in jeopardy because of your choices?

SPEAKER_08 17:42

Yes, all the milk for the practice. You know I'm the point of contact between the milkman and the practice.

SPEAKER_14 17:49

That's true. I have you handle everything except for all my doctor stuff. And my doctor stuff is telling people things.

SPEAKER_08 17:56

Dr. McDreamy, I don't know what to say. I can't help that you were made the way you were and I was made the way I am.

SPEAKER_14 18:03

Alright, Helen. So let's do some OBGYN stuff.

SPEAKER_08 18:08

Okay, great. I don't actually have a reason to make an appointment other than I just wanted to look in one of your eyes. And tell you how I feel, which is that if you have another baby with another woman, I'm gonna freak out and I'm gonna make sure nothing ever happens good again for you in your life.

Nurse Helen, Milkman Milton, And Secrets

SPEAKER_09 18:30

Doctor, I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice. Yeah, we accept all sorts of patients here. Well, uh psychology is a field I never thought I would come to, but it's never a field I thought I'd do. I'm having difficulty in my marriage, you see. Oh boy, that's a lot of information.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

What'd you just put in your mouth?

SPEAKER_09 19:03

It's uh it's a lemon drop. I like those. Yeah. It's uh it's actually part of my problem. Excuse me. Uh my wife, she wants to have a child, but I'm not ready. You see, uh well get ready. Do you have any specific information that you That was gold, the advice I just gave. All right, okay, yeah. Just generally, it is good advice. You see It's the candy doctor. I'm addicted to candy. Then stop it. This is actually how my friends. Told me a psychologist would be.

SPEAKER_10 20:09

Our wonderful story opens with tales from the doctor's office, a normally private place, that many people are out and about with this evening. Before we bring back our bughouse players to the stage, what was the last type of transportation you took? Was it a streetcar? A train? Are you a wealthy boat baron? One thing's for sure, it almost certainly wasn't a car. Not a day goes by that the price of automobiles doesn't skyrocket five to ten cents above the baseline. But for those of us who will only use a car once or twice a year, an investment of almost$500 for a new car is simply unimaginable. And that's why Johnson's Jalopis is the only choice for the money conscious man on the go. Guaranteed to at least three to five miles off the lot, and sometimes even beyond, Johnson's is the only auto house where the cars are cheaper than a cab. Disused and do-it-yourself cars from 1905 to the 19010 era can be had for just pennies. They may run, they may run on gasoline, sometimes vegetable oil, sometimes things that you pick up off the street and burn inside of the engine, but one thing is for sure, they will take you at least a few feet. So don't take a taxi, take a temporary. Come down to Johnson's, and at the very least, you'll be able to leave. Now the Bughouse players are going to come back on stage, and the powers that be will continue in just a moment, and we will find out what each of these doctors is going to do about their situations this week. Bughouse players, please come back to the stage.

SPEAKER_08 22:08

You look so beautiful and swollen.

SPEAKER_05 22:12

Oh, you did? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 22:13

Did you hear anything fun in it? No, I I heard a baby. A baby. A baby. I'm so sick of nothing but babies. Oh baby this, baby that. Yeah. It's like, why don't you ever do anything other than babies?

SPEAKER_05 22:24

It's uh boring. Yeah. Yeah. Frederick. Yes? Have you been writing in your diary?

SPEAKER_08 22:30

Oh, Jessica. Yeah, Frederick. I regret telling you about my diary.

SPEAKER_05 22:34

Oh, tell me.

Radio Ad Break: Used Cars Bit

SPEAKER_08 22:36

Aww. I wrote about my dreams in my diary. Are you going to ask?

SPEAKER_05 22:44

Yes, uh, I thought you were going to go on with your dreams. Tell me about your dreams, Frederick Dalitch. Oh. I dream of being a cabaret singer.

SPEAKER_08 22:54

No. It couldn't be done. Oui, oui. What would you sing? I would sing La Vien Rose. Oh, Love Vienne Rose. Well, La Vien Rose. Because a jar is rose tinted. If you're not noticed. I did not know my jar was rose tinted. Yes, we've been looking at everything through a rose tinted glass. What?

SPEAKER_16 23:16

Yes, that's why we keep it out over there.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

Ah Michelle. Michelle. Ah, Michelle, shut up. Michelle.

SPEAKER_16 23:23

Michelle, come back to sleep. I can hear you all the way in my jar.

SPEAKER_05 23:28

Come out of your jar. Michelle, come out of your jar and say you're two officers. Yes! We will fight you. We will, yeah. I'm swollen. Yeah, Michelle, we got square blood on you.

SPEAKER_08 23:39

Baby blood in us.

SPEAKER_05 23:40

Baby blood. Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 23:42

You guys are like the leech leech gangsters.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

Yeah, we are. We asked you to belong you to join in, but you would not say yes.

SPEAKER_08 23:50

Yeah, you wouldn't uh go and bite someone who was having a bad day. Like is the initiation for our gang.

SPEAKER_05 23:58

Bite somebody. Well, you are not a leech unless you bite someone in some dear blood. Yeah, you've never done that before. You're not a leech. You're not a leech, Michelle.

unknown 24:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 24:06

I only take a bite of like sick people. I like a vegan leech. Yeah, but you know, I like don't eat people for fun.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

That's so lazy. So boring, Michelle. What do you do in your jar all day if you are not eating other people?

SPEAKER_16 24:20

Oh, dreaming about writing my crate novel.

SPEAKER_03 24:34

Milk delivery. Milk. I have bad news before you start.

SPEAKER_14 24:45

I'm so tempted to say something.

Bar Confessional And Mustard Cure

SPEAKER_03 24:46

Oh, don't don't say anything before I tell you the bad news. No, I must tell you. Don't say another word. Wait, I the cows have dried up. Don't make me say it again.

SPEAKER_14 25:02

I'll say it again.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

The cows have dried up. That's correct. So this week, instead of getting your normal pint size. My one pint of milk? Your single pint. You're just getting a little quarter to. And it's not personal, but I know you take things personal. It is not. It's about my business and my livelihood, not your feelings, alright?

SPEAKER_14 25:33

I don't know anything about feelings. I'm a doctor. Now, I don't know if you know anything, but I don't know if you know what you I know.

SPEAKER_03 25:43

I know milk, and that's about it.

SPEAKER_14 25:46

Great. Now, do you also know anything about Helen? My nurse? Oh, I'm not at liberty to say. Good, because I am also not at liberty to say. I've made promises to not say anything. But if I were to say something.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

If I were to ask you one question, I have a feeling you'd just blurt it all out. What do you know about Helen? I have one more thing to say before you say it's more bad news. I'm afraid it is it's a little hot outside, and you see the quarter of the cup of milk has been sitting outside the whole time. I'm worried it's gonna be too warm to drink and there's no more milk to be had. Milton, are you milk blackmailing me? Are you milkmailing me? Milkmailing, that's right. This is milkmail! Say it again. Maybe the reporters will hear and they'll know what you really do around here.

SPEAKER_14 26:47

I'm just a very good doctor that tells everyone their secrets, except for one! One that's hidden deep within! Oh, deep within the tip of my tongue that I've got to be.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Look at the tip of my lip, doctor. You see what's on there? It's milk. It's so much milk, because I've been drinking your whole order on the way here. It's such a hot day! Oh, but it was ice cold when I had it. I cool off with milk! But I do have a lukewarm quarter cup that you can drizzle down your throat if you like. Gullet.

SPEAKER_14 27:28

Well, you maybe are a doctor. Yeah, you like not that type of doctor, but I know a few other body parts. Alright. One or two. Legs. Your brain's not gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Keep going.

SPEAKER_16 27:46

After a long day of OGBYN, I uh had to go down to the local bar and uh try to figure out what to do. I'd really gotten in over my head. So I walked down the street and I found uh Jimmy's, the best bar in downtown Chicago, which I had not been to in a long time, because I've been sober for seven years.

SPEAKER_09 28:10

Hey, Doc! Ain't seen you around here for a while.

SPEAKER_16 28:15

Your memory's impeccable!

SPEAKER_09 28:17

Hey! That's what old Jimmy's known for.

SPEAKER_16 28:22

Well, I'll have my regular drink book.

SPEAKER_09 28:24

Okay, yep, alright. One chocolate martini coming up.

SPEAKER_16 28:30

Are those still uh the hot drink around?

SPEAKER_09 28:33

You're the only one that orders them, but I keep ordering the supplies.

SPEAKER_16 28:38

You've been keeping the supplies around for seven years?

unknown 28:40

Well.

SPEAKER_09 28:41

Mm-hmm. It's a fresh bottle, as you can see, still sealed chocolate liqueur.

SPEAKER_16 28:46

That doesn't seem very cost-effective, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_09 28:49

I care about my clientele. I remember them. Just like you.

SPEAKER_16 29:03

Things are rough these days, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_09 29:05

Yeah? Oh, business is good here.

SPEAKER_16 29:09

Well, I suppose business is good with me too, but uh, I'm a lim a little over my head. I I was happy with my leeches. Yeah. Doing my medieval treatments. You know, removing an infection, uh-huh. Curing a disease someone thought they had but wasn't real. Right, right. That was my wheelhouse.

SPEAKER_09 29:29

Removing removing bad humors. Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_16 29:32

The humors! That was my specialty. And now I've got a real lady and a real baby to look after. And I don't know what I'm doing!

SPEAKER_09 29:42

Oh, well, you know, you should try uh real medicine. Like uh mustard poultice.

SPEAKER_16 29:48

Mustard poultice.

SPEAKER_09 29:50

Oh yeah, sure, yeah, yeah. Just you take a piece of cloth, you slab a mustard on it, and then you slap it on the affected area. Now, you said there's a pregnant lady?

SPEAKER_16 29:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 29:59

Right on the belly.

SPEAKER_16 30:00

Oh. I threw a leech at her before.

SPEAKER_09 30:03

Yeah, that's uh I hate to tell you, Doc, because uh you're the doc, but uh Kinda. It's a little outdated.

SPEAKER_16 30:13

The leeches is out- yeah, it's an old treatment. That's what I was specializing in.

SPEAKER_09 30:17

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_16 30:18

Hey Jimmy, you got any extra mustards?

SPEAKER_09 30:20

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Uh, right here under the counter. Look at that mustard.

SPEAKER_16 30:24

Alright, can I keep it?

SPEAKER_09 30:26

Uh I'd appreciate it if you brought it back, actually.

SPEAKER_16 30:30

Alright, but I can take it.

SPEAKER_09 30:31

You can take it for now, and then yeah, please return the unused portion.

SPEAKER_16 30:36

Alright. Well, that's uh very here's here's a hard nickel. It's a dip and a two-dollar bill for the martini.

SPEAKER_09 30:44

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_16 30:45

Alright, Jimmy, I'm gonna get out of here. You've been a huge help.

SPEAKER_09 30:47

Uh, I'm just doing my job.

SPEAKER_16 30:50

You know what? I'm gonna drink my martini first, I decided. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 30:54

Take it on the street, boy.

SPEAKER_16 30:56

Yeah. What's with the police these days?

SPEAKER_09 31:01

What can what can I say, you know? Uh they they've changed those police.

SPEAKER_16 31:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 31:08

They're concerned with staying within the laws now.

SPEAKER_16 31:12

They used to be the laws.

SPEAKER_09 31:14

Right.

SPEAKER_16 31:15

Alright, well, that was a good martini. I just chugged it. I'm gonna head out, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_09 31:21

Have yourself a great day, Doc. And don't forget to bring back my mustard.

SPEAKER_16 31:25

I'll bring it back.

unknown 31:26

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 31:36

Sorry, sorry, I just ate a bunch of graham crackers. Um, uh, welcome to my travel agency. Sorry. Um, I don't ever get people in here.

SPEAKER_05 31:46

It's um it's lovely in here. Thanks so much. I have plants. Yeah, I um do you water them?

SPEAKER_08 31:53

They're fake, so no. Sometimes I do.

SPEAKER_05 31:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 31:56

And then they get weird smelling.

SPEAKER_05 31:57

Oh, weird.

SPEAKER_08 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:59

Oh, okay. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_08 32:00

Um sorry, you came in here.

SPEAKER_05 32:01

Yeah, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_08 32:02

Um I um uh I'm sorry, so my god, I'm so uh Becky. This is my travel agency.

SPEAKER_05 32:10

Uh yeah, it's it's lovely. I'm sorry, I've never done this before.

SPEAKER_08 32:13

Oh, that's okay. I've only done it a couple times. Um, what can I help you with? Where would you like to go?

SPEAKER_05 32:20

Um uh yeah, I um maybe someplace um just not here, you know, um tropical, maybe? Okay, I don't know. If you if you don't think that's a good idea, uh we I I won't ask for that. Oh god. Uh, so nervous, Becky. Oh, it's okay. I'm so nervous. It's okay. Okay. Um, I don't know who you are. Oh, I'm sorry. Um um I'm Jessica. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm nice to meet you, Becky. It's really nice to meet you. Yeah. I feel like we we would be friends. I feel like we would.

SPEAKER_08 32:49

You can just hang out if you want. I mean, you don't even have to like buy anything. What's going on?

SPEAKER_05 32:54

Oh, um, just um my my my husband uh wants to travel more. Oh that's what I do. Oh, great. Cool. And I was gonna plan the trip for him, which is um against the rules of society.

SPEAKER_08 33:08

I know. Well, I'm sorry, I don't know if you saw my sign. This is a feminist traveling.

SPEAKER_05 33:13

Oh, that's why I'm so nervous. I walked in and I was I wasn't sure if anybody saw me. And that's why I am in disguise. You see me?

SPEAKER_08 33:20

I see you.

SPEAKER_05 33:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 33:24

So, like, you want to go somewhere?

SPEAKER_05 33:26

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_08 33:26

What?

SPEAKER_05 33:27

Becky. Yeah, just I see you. Oh my god! Nobody sees me. Yeah, no, I see you.

SPEAKER_08 33:34

God, they're like, just give me tickets on a railroad or something.

SPEAKER_05 33:39

Um, no, I see you. Um and thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_08 33:44

I'm so glad that I can be here.

SPEAKER_05 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 33:46

You know, there are other things that I wanted to do with my life that I can't do. I'm sorry, was that too prying about? No, no, it's totally fine. Nobody asked me anything. I wanted to be a lady airline pilot. I know. Oh, it's crazy. But times are changing. I guess. I mean, I opened up this agency because I thought they were, but now nobody comes in here except for the milkman.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 34:16

The milkman?

SPEAKER_05 34:17

Um, Milton?

SPEAKER_08 34:19

Yeah. Oh my god, you know the milkman? Everyone knows the milkman.

SPEAKER_05 34:22

Milton, Milton, he's uh he's okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 34:27

I mean, what do you think about him? Becky, he's so cute, Becky. I know, he's so cute. Do you have a crush on him? I guess I kind of do now that I think about it. Oh my gosh, Becky. Oh my god. Is that weird though for a feminist travel agent to have a crush on a mailman? Milkman! Oh my god!

SPEAKER_05 34:45

It's okay.

SPEAKER_08 34:46

I'm so stupid.

SPEAKER_05 34:47

No, Becky, it's a mistake. Everyone thinks mistake.

SPEAKER_08 34:50

No, no, no, no, no, no. I feel like I messed everything. Um tell me something about yourself. Um, I'm pregnant. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:59

Oh my god, congratulations. Thank you. Not super happy. It's it's complicated. Um so yeah, that's why I'm here. Oh my husband wanted to wait and wanted to travel more and isn't excited about the baby.

SPEAKER_08 35:14

So we can have it so that you travel while you're pregnant. That's totally safe. And then we can have it so that you have done that by the time the baby comes in.

SPEAKER_05 35:22

Exactly. That's what I was. Oh my gosh, Becky, you see me. Jessica, I feel like we might be both friends.

SPEAKER_08 35:29

Um, this might be forward, but would you like to come with us? Oh my god, yes. That would be amazing. I've never wanted anything more in my life. Can I fly the plane?

SPEAKER_05 35:42

I think you can, but again. Thank you. There are the rules of society.

SPEAKER_14 35:49

So, Milton, I I have I'm gonna let you talk first this time.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Okay, but before oh go.

SPEAKER_14 36:01

You talk to everyone in town, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 36:04

Yeah, I have a mouth on me.

SPEAKER_14 36:07

Alright, fine, I'll tell you everything because that's all I know. Just promise me that you won't do what you always do at all times. Sure, my behavior will be completely different this time around. That's such a relief. Here's the thing. So, Helen, you know her. Oh, she's my nurse. Yes. Yes. Alright, so number one, here's one secret. She's telekinetic. Do you know what that means?

SPEAKER_03 36:38

When I was around her once, one of my milk bottles broke and she said she didn't know what happened, but I I know what happens when women lie, and I saw it in her eyes, she looked trippy.

SPEAKER_14 36:48

Well, that's not entirely what that means, but good enough. And number two, she came me for a woman's problem. A woman's problem. I say euphemistically. Oh, now I understand. Yes. Now you promise that you won't do everything that you always do at all times.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

I have a lot of milk deliveries to make and I best be on my way.

SPEAKER_14 37:17

Wait, no, give me milk now. I want the milk!

SPEAKER_03 37:19

You have a quarter cup waiting outside in the hot sun in the hot sun! You don't did what you wanted! It's so warm, you're not even gonna recognize it as milk. You're gonna take a sip, you're gonna say, This isn't the milk I know, but get used to it.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

Milk!

SPEAKER_14 37:37

Please! I did what you wanted. I broke a promise because I always do what I do. Mm-hmm. So give me the milk. It's so hot out.

SPEAKER_08 37:47

Doctor?

SPEAKER_14 37:48

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_08 37:50

Doctor, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_14 37:51

Uh, Helen! Helen, hello.

SPEAKER_08 37:53

Why Milton?

SPEAKER_03 37:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 37:56

Why are you here?

SPEAKER_03 37:57

I was making a long delivery.

SPEAKER_08 38:00

I still see you, Doctor. Don't you think I don't see you?

Clinic Showdown And Milkmail

SPEAKER_03 38:02

She's looking two places at once. She sees me. Um sees you. Yeah. Euphemistically.

SPEAKER_08 38:10

I feel like something is going on here that I don't like. Oh, my milk bottle.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

There it goes. Who's gonna clean this up? Oh, it's in your office. That's your purview.

SPEAKER_08 38:23

Yeah, that's not a narcissist job.

SPEAKER_14 38:26

Wait, have you been going to that feminist travel agency? Have they been filling your head with crazy ideas?

SPEAKER_08 38:32

Yeah, I want to go to Poughkeepsie.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

That's the craziest idea of all! Doctor, the woman who runs that travel agency happens to be the love of my life.

SPEAKER_08 38:41

Wait a minute, I thought I was.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Hold on. I can have more than one.

SPEAKER_14 38:49

Loving more than one person, that's impossible!

SPEAKER_03 38:51

Oh, the times are changing, just you wait.

SPEAKER_14 38:57

Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_08 38:58

I just wanted to say that if anything shifty is happening here and a fire starts, it's not my fault.

SPEAKER_14 39:06

Okay, good. Well, I'll just put all of my dry papers, kindling, and gas right next to all my doctor stuff.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Hey, I have good news for you, Doc. If that fire starts up, you got a whole quarter cup of milk to put it out.

SPEAKER_10 39:26

That quarter cup of milk will come in handy no matter how solid it's gotten in the sun. The very first car was created in 1893 in the fine village of Springfield, Massachusetts. A horse-drawn carriage purchased for just$70 and an engine grafted onto it. At Johnson's Jalopes, we have that car. And for the price of an automat sandwich, you can cruise down the road at a smooth four horsepower. Now the cars have become as ubiquitous as the cotton chin, a brand new philosophy is entering the market. The used car. The new car is full of Bells and whistles now that the government has mandated every car have a whistle. But at Johnson's Jalopes, we guarantee no bells, no whistles, and in many cases, no doors and no roofs. You can be absolutely sure that our cars have never been inspected, never been updated, never been repaired, and never been cleaned. As we pass those savings along to you, an extra bonus, anything you find in the car is yours to keep. Just last week, Terry Prynn of Ravenswood discovered$12 in the hand crank, and two months ago, Hester McGee found a man's thigh bone. What excitement! So next time you're looking for just one single adventure, gamble with Johnson's Jalopies. They might not get you where you need to be, but they will certainly get you somewhere. The powers that bee is developing, a fine mystery in the town. Will any of the doctors figure out exactly how to be a doctor? We will find out in just a few moments as the Bughouse players take the stage once again.

SPEAKER_16 41:01

Oh my sweet leeches. Back with some sweet alone time. Jessica.

SPEAKER_06 41:08

Oh, see, Doctor.

SPEAKER_16 41:09

Frederick.

SPEAKER_06 41:10

Hello.

SPEAKER_16 41:12

Michelle. Hello.

SPEAKER_08 41:16

It is so nice to see you, Doctor. Doctor, you are so handsome.

SPEAKER_16 41:21

Oh, stop.

SPEAKER_05 41:22

You are our god. What? We worship you.

SPEAKER_16 41:26

Well, I must have had too many chocolate martinis.

SPEAKER_08 41:29

We're worried about you. You have fallen off the wagon.

SPEAKER_16 41:33

It was a long time, but oh, sweet leeches, help me. I've I've gotten in the back.

SPEAKER_05 41:39

Uh you are shaking our our jars too much. Oh, don't you? No, I'm done. Oh, my God. That's how your lens is over.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_16 41:52

I am expecting my patient, Jessica, to be back. Jessica, remember when you met Jessica?

SPEAKER_05 41:57

Oh, I love Jessica. I hope I hope she comes in very soon. Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_16 42:04

Well, every time. That might be her right now. Hello, Jessica.

SPEAKER_05 42:09

Oh, hi hi, doctor.

SPEAKER_16 42:10

Hello. Who's this with you?

SPEAKER_05 42:13

Oh, um, this is um Becky, and this is my husband. Hi!

SPEAKER_16 42:18

Oh, all three of you.

SPEAKER_05 42:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_16 42:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 42:20

We're doing the feminist thing and we're not gonna name the husband.

SPEAKER_16 42:28

I know some doctors that don't have a name. Okay, well, you look in perfect health.

SPEAKER_05 42:35

Oh, thank you. Um, you see, we're we're going on a trip on a plane, and I'm gonna fly. And and Becky's coming and and husband is coming. Um, and I just need to be cleared for travel. Um, so I just need to know if I'm okay to go up in the air in a tin can.

SPEAKER_16 42:54

Well, my first instinct is I don't see why not. But just to make sure, I've got a new treatment. Oh. It's called a mustard BOTUS?

SPEAKER_05 43:06

We'll try it. I'm I'm in.

SPEAKER_16 43:08

Alright. Well, you get on the table. Sure. Relax.

SPEAKER_05 43:12

Oh no, I did my gown wrong again. Oh, uh, maybe your husband can help you. I'm turning away. Look away! Turning away. Oh, oh, can you time Oh, thank thank you.

SPEAKER_16 43:21

Just let me unscrew this jar of mustard here.

SPEAKER_05 43:24

Let me wiggle up on the table. Oh, it's ice cold.

SPEAKER_16 43:28

Yes, I keep everything very cold for the leeches. Alright, now let me uh unfold this towel.

SPEAKER_05 43:34

Oh wow, this is a product.

SPEAKER_16 43:36

Let me dump as much mustard as I can on the towel. Yes, it's incredibly stuck. Have you ever shaken ketchup out? Mustard twice as hard. Yes, okay. There's some mustard. And now let me spread it all over the towel.

SPEAKER_05 43:49

Okay, yeah. Okay. And I'm just sitting here with the case. Yes. Do I take my gown off?

SPEAKER_16 43:53

No, do not take ketows.

SPEAKER_05 43:55

Oh no, it came on tight again.

SPEAKER_16 43:56

Oh, the husband, husband, help, help. Now.

SPEAKER_05 43:59

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_16 44:00

We have to put the mustard towel directly on your belly, and then you are free to travel in any kind of device that you want. Airplane, submarine.

SPEAKER_08 44:08

I'm sorry. Um, I don't mean to be like rude, but you're being kind of condescending. Um, I'm so sorry. Don't be sorry.

SPEAKER_16 44:15

I'm being condescending?

SPEAKER_08 44:17

I mean, yeah. Like, well, I'm sorry, but yeah. You're kind of manslating things to her. I'm sorry. That's probably not something you know about.

SPEAKER_16 44:23

Uh uh, I honestly, I'm winging it, lady. I don't know much about nothing. Becky. Anyways, here's the mustard towel. I'm just gonna throw it at you.

SPEAKER_05 44:33

Oh, oh boy. Um, oh my gosh. Oh, it's mustard's flattered. Yeah, everywhere. It's on my chest. Oh no, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh oh, uh oh. Uh-oh. Well, you're good to go as far as I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_16 44:44

Dr. Powell approved. Keep your gown on until you land.

SPEAKER_05 44:48

Can I tell you something before we leave?

SPEAKER_16 44:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 44:50

I trust you.

SPEAKER_16 44:52

I've never lied to you.

SPEAKER_05 44:54

Never. Becky, husband, let's go.

SPEAKER_16 44:58

Good luck. It's just us and just me and my sweet leeches again.

SPEAKER_08 45:04

You want a song?

SPEAKER_16 45:06

No, no, you don't have to sing again. Yeah, we'll sing to you. Michelle, your voice changed.

SPEAKER_05 45:14

I do, I do do, I do, do, I do do do.

SPEAKER_16 45:21

Uh oh, we're quiet, quiet, there's somebody else walking in. Doctor.

SPEAKER_14 45:30

Doctor.

SPEAKER_16 45:32

Doctor McDreamy.

SPEAKER_14 45:33

And Doctor Powers.

SPEAKER_16 45:36

Yes. Seymour Powers.

SPEAKER_14 45:41

I have something to admit to you, Doctor Powers. I know you're not a real doctor, and that's not what I'm admitted.

SPEAKER_16 45:49

Okay, great. You are you are spot on one for one, anyways.

SPEAKER_14 45:54

But I just wanted you to know that I admired you. You might have talked to your leeches. You might have fallen off the wagon. You might be rubbing mustard onto your patients. But I don't believe in privacy. So I'm coming to you. Doctor to doctor. To ask you a very important question.

SPEAKER_16 46:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_14 46:19

Number one. Can I have your office because mine is burnt down?

SPEAKER_16 46:23

Oh, really? What happened?

SPEAKER_14 46:26

I don't know.

SPEAKER_16 46:28

It's gone. Wiped out.

SPEAKER_14 46:30

Completely burnt. Gone.

SPEAKER_16 46:33

Well, there's not a ton of room, but we could share. I've got the one table.

SPEAKER_14 46:37

Perfect.

SPEAKER_16 46:38

Great.

SPEAKER_14 46:38

All you need is half a table and a lot of smarts to be a doctor.

SPEAKER_16 46:42

Why? Was that the only question?

SPEAKER_14 46:44

The other question is, am I cleared to fly? Because, you know, my office burnt.

SPEAKER_16 46:49

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, you could, you could.

SPEAKER_08 46:51

You know, I know some people who just got uh okay, everybody, uh, get on board. Um, okay, so I'm gonna do uh pre-flight stuff, I guess. Um if anybody wants a chocolate martini, let me know. Becky, you're doing so good. Did you finish Jessica?

SPEAKER_14 47:07

Uh excuse me. So what you do as a pilot is actually the full pre-uh check. Like, you know, uh like are you familiar with this?

SPEAKER_08 47:15

Yeah, um, okay, just please stop doing that. It's terrible. Um uh uh no, so next, uh God, you got me off the flow.

SPEAKER_05 47:22

Um It's okay.

SPEAKER_08 47:23

Um You got this, Becky. Thank you so much, Jessica. You're my rock. Um okay, so um everybody get in and uh sit down on a chair or a seat, okay as they're called on a plane. Um and I'm gonna um I'm gonna fly. So buckle up. All right, everybody, we're going to Panama. Panama City, Florida. Um Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't I can't travel internationally yet. Um anyway, so we're gonna be just up in the cockpit, me and myself and I'll be with you. Oh my god, Mel! Wow. You're the dreamiest person I've ever met.

unknown 48:11

No, you are.

SPEAKER_08 48:12

What? No, shut up. I'm so stupid.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Sitting back, kicking back, and I'm gonna be watching you do what you do best.

SPEAKER_08 48:19

Oh my god, fly a plane? I didn't even know that's what I do best because I've never done it. But your faith means the world to me. Did you bring any um milk for our chocolate martinis?

SPEAKER_03 48:32

Always.

SPEAKER_14 48:35

Can I have some?

SPEAKER_03 48:36

No!

SPEAKER_05 48:41

Alright, everybody, take your seat. Okay, um, yeah, I'm just gonna put my buckle on. Um, husband, make sure your buckle's on.

unknown 48:53

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_08 48:54

Oh, so we're gonna take off now. Okay. Um, I'm just gonna tell you some things to make you feel better. When cows are born, they can already walk. Um group of flamingos is called a flamboyance. Um, when I was a little girl, I burned my teddy bear um on purpose. And then my grandma bought me a new one, and then I burned that one. Um, what else? Uh I don't know. Anybody? Uh I'm just gonna.

SPEAKER_05 49:28

Husband, I've got something to tell you. Well, I think you might already know given that you were at the doctor with me, but it's gonna stop hearing five. I'm so sorry, I forgot to tell you before we got to the doctor, but I'm not gonna. Oh my god, stuff is crying everywhere.

SPEAKER_08 49:49

Becky left me. You're not having to talk about it.

SPEAKER_06 49:56

You're not having my tiny gap as a bad yeah.

SPEAKER_08 50:02

I'm down to it. Oh no, what it is! Oh I'm gonna make that fucking craft.

SPEAKER_14 50:28

If I just left you, all the time.

SPEAKER_08 50:36

It would save Jet McCludd, it would save Dr. McDrini, it would save Allen, it would save Becky, it would save the Doctor, uh, I think the other doctor's on Flowers is on the plane too. Oh, he can't! Yeah, uh, yeah, it would save everybody on this plane who is a lot of the city.

SPEAKER_07 50:56

Wait, a lot of the city is on the plane. How big is this plane? It's a large plane.

SPEAKER_16 51:02

God damn it, Mick Dreamy. Just love her, goddammit.

SPEAKER_08 51:06

Eh, just loves the woman. What's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_16 51:10

Listen to my leeches. Yeah, love her, baby.

SPEAKER_08 51:15

I got to kiss the girl. Come on. Come on. I'm bringing your head closer to mine with my magical powers. Bringing your head closer to mine. But it has to be your choice.

SPEAKER_14 51:33

Thank you for making that clear.

SPEAKER_08 51:35

Yeah.

unknown 51:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_08 51:36

Definitely on a feminist airplane, it has to be your choice.

SPEAKER_14 51:39

Great. So I felt myself being drawn to her. I felt both telekinetically and by my heart, because this was a choice.

SPEAKER_08 51:50

Yes. And I felt myself opening up in my heart area and realizing maybe what I didn't want was somebody who was forced to love me. Oh, so am I off? Oh, wait, I didn't hear that.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

No, no.

SPEAKER_08 52:07

Wait, Milton, the Milton.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_08 52:10

Milton, I love you. No, I'm not sure if I love you.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

Listen, I'll be right here until you decide.

SPEAKER_14 52:17

There's a lot of eligible bachelors on this plane. How about you make a pick?

All Aboard The Feminist Airplane

SPEAKER_08 52:21

Oh, which one of them would love a telekinetic one-eyed lady? Well, I'm gonna have another eye, it's just always looking any other way. And also, keep those peanuts. They're for everyone.

SPEAKER_16 52:32

You're a huge upgrade from leeches, I'm just saying. So I'd be interested.

SPEAKER_08 52:38

Alright, I mean, maybe that's fine. What other kinds of things do you do?

SPEAKER_16 52:42

Well, I uh I'm an amateur OBGYN.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

Ooh!

SPEAKER_16 52:48

You know, fledgling just started. Yeah. I'm a master of medieval humours medicines.

SPEAKER_17 52:55

Oh!

SPEAKER_16 52:55

So like bile? Oh, bile's one of my expertises.

SPEAKER_08 53:00

Oh, well that's nice.

SPEAKER_16 53:01

And uh, as you see, I've already got a nice family in my jaws.

SPEAKER_08 53:07

Oh my god, are those leeches?

SPEAKER_16 53:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_08 53:10

I love leeches!

SPEAKER_16 53:12

What?

SPEAKER_08 53:13

Yeah. I love them. Would you put one on my ring finger?

SPEAKER_16 53:19

Oh, Michelle. This is your time to shine. Oh yes. Put me on the woman's hand.

SPEAKER_06 53:28

Oh I'm in love.

SPEAKER_08 53:36

Yeah, you are.

SPEAKER_16 53:37

We're getting married, everybody!

SPEAKER_08 53:38

On the plane.

SPEAKER_16 53:41

Is there a priest on the plane? No, I think that's the one thing we don't have on the plane.

SPEAKER_06 53:46

No, we don't have a priest.

SPEAKER_10 53:52

The Bughouse players will be back in just a moment for the conclusion of The Powers That Be. Folks, all a car is is a platform, an engine, a few chairs, and three to five wheels, and anyone telling you that it takes more to make a car is selling you a bum lie. For so many of us, all a car needs to be is a pathway to a farm or a grocery store. With literally no other use for an automobile, what's the sense in investing in a brand new Packard or Chevy? Especially since their closed structures are proven to trap harmful gases that suffocate the driver. Just listen to this professional automobile doc. After extensive tests, it's obvious that new enclosed cab automobiles are the fast way to an early death. Take it from the experts! The only way to drive is in an open cab converted carriage created in the workshop of a man that specializes in bicycle repair. Don't put yourself in the metal coffin of a new car. Get a used car. Keep yourself safe and don't go very far. Johnson's Jalobbies! And now, the thrilling conclusion of the powers that be with the bughouse players!

SPEAKER_09 55:09

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two people in holy matrimony.

unknown 55:17

Thank your stars.

SPEAKER_16 55:19

It's amazing Jessica's husband was a priest, who knew?

SPEAKER_08 55:22

I know. I mean I don't even know Jessica. Nobody asked me. Okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_09 55:33

Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? I do. And do you take this woman to be your wife?

SPEAKER_16 55:46

Oh yes, I do.

SPEAKER_09 55:49

That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And with that, you have cured my candy addiction. Congratulations! Doctor, you're married!

SPEAKER_06 56:02

Doctor!

SPEAKER_16 56:03

I finally cured a patient.

SPEAKER_08 56:05

You did!

SPEAKER_16 56:06

This is incredible.

SPEAKER_08 56:08

This is the start of a new life.

SPEAKER_16 56:10

This is the happiest day of my life.

SPEAKER_09 56:12

You two love birds.

SPEAKER_16 56:14

And you're gonna be a father.

SPEAKER_09 56:17

I already am!

SPEAKER_05 56:24

Uh if it is okay, we prepared a song for you. Oui, oui.

SPEAKER_16 56:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

We would like to sing a a song to you. Is that okay? Yes. Oh yes, please.

SPEAKER_16 56:36

My children want to sing us a song.

SPEAKER_05 56:38

Okay, Michelle. Hit me with that sweet bass.

SPEAKER_13 56:42

Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. Doop, doop, doop, doom, doom, as we go.

SPEAKER_17 57:05

We will do forever.

SPEAKER_16 57:15

That's the sweetest thing I ever heard.

SPEAKER_08 57:19

Nobody ever sang for me before.

SPEAKER_05 57:21

Oh, we were not done.

SPEAKER_17 57:22

Oh, we do.

SPEAKER_16 57:37

Is it over now?

SPEAKER_03 57:39

Anyone want to toast a cold milk? Yes, yes, please!

Telekinesis, Choices, And Leech Romance

SPEAKER_00 57:49

And that's tonight's program, The Powers That Be, starring Carly Olsen, Eric Peterson, Joe Hardenstein, Ashley Whitehurst, Ben Vegan, Jordan Reichhart on the table, Ed Zach.

SPEAKER_10 58:04

Thank you for joining us this evening with WBGH Radio. Remember, every one of the Bughouse players has a Johnson Jalopi that they drove off the lot this morning. Whether or not any of them can get home is still an open question. So if you see them outside, be sure to give them a ride. Thank you for coming this evening. Remember, we're here every first Sunday of the month, and the Bughouse players will present a new wonderful improvised golden age radio show for you. Please come back. Thank you for joining us and buy a Johnson's Jalopi. You won't regret it, or maybe you will.

SPEAKER_15 58:36

The casting crew is as follows. Joe Hartenstein played Jessica's husband and Jimmy the bartender. Carly Ilson played Helen the telekinetic nurse, Frederick the French Leech, and Becky the travel agent. Jordan Reichhart played the straightforward psychologist and Milton the Milkman. Ben Fijent played the opening narrator and Dr. McDreamy the OBGYN. Ashley Whitehurst played Jessica the Human and Jessica the Leech. Eric Peterson played Dr. Seymour Powers and Michelle the Leech. Chuck Cotterman was your host. Caitlin Schneider was your producer and Ed Zach on Foley. Please check out details for our live shows at I.O. Chicago, The Bug House, and more at ImprovisedRadio.com and follow us on Improvised Radio Show on Instagram.