The Storm and the After Party (@ Crawlspace Theater in Kalamazoo)

Guys and Dolls... and Tornadoes! And some weight changing gigantic water melons. It's a rare 3-person cast honored to grace the stage of Crawlspace Theater in Kalamazoo Michigan for a special double bill with written old-time show All Ears Theater.  Thanks much to those who put the show together and invited us. If you are ever in Kalamazoo please visit Dann and the team at Crawlspace for some great comedy and vibes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnLPdtdCFlQ (This show!)

https://crawlspacecomedy.com/

https://www.allearstheatre.org/shows

Cast:

• Eric Muller - Joe DiLombardi, Guy Masterson, High school students, Anthony the School Scamp Who Ain’t Got No Parents What Care About Him
• Philip Amler - Francesca Plantagenet,  Jasmine Lacroix, High School Students
• Eric Pedersen - Jessica , Gus, Chucko the Janitor, Little Timanthony, High School Students
• Foley Artist Katlin Schneider and Gary Brown
• Chuck Cotterman - Announcer

Transcript

Dark Joke And Station ID

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The birthday clown's performance was a big hit, especially with the coroner, who later pulled 18 balloon animals out of his stomach. This is KIGAR Radio, the only radio station that's also on the internet.

Eric Pedersen 0:46

This episode features special guest Gary Brown of All Ears Theater on live full. Thanks to all Ears, Dan, and everyone in Crawl Space, and Super Samson Cellar Doors. See show notes for more details on how to check out and support live comedy in Kalamazoo.

Audience Weather And Mentor Prompts

Chuck Cotterman 2:13

Keep your hands going for CrowdSpace Theater and Dan over there. Thank you so much, Dan. We are thrilled to be back in Kalamazoo. Second time here, and I am loving it as the second time here. And thank you for coming out on the perfect radio night, a dark and stormy night. It's fantastic out there, isn't every uh isn't everybody? Um now before we get started, I want to go ahead and bring out our cast. We have Eric Muller, Eric Peterson, and Philip Amler. And over here on our Foley table, we have Caitlin Schneider. And joining us from All Ears, Mr. Gary Brown. This is his first ever improvised Foley performance, everyone. And it will go fantastically because he is an expert. So we're uh really looking forward to tonight and we're gonna play for you. But before we get started, uh, between all ears and our broadcast, of course, the news is running and nobody wants to hear the news. So I'm gonna go ahead and talk to a couple people right here up front. Uh normally this is done with a wireless microphone. So I'll just ask you to speak up a little bit if I look at you and ask you a question, and I probably will at some point. Uh in fact, I saw two eyes right here. May I ask your name, please? Jessica. Jessica. Jessica, I have a quick question for you. It's a pretty rough night. Um, what's your favorite type of bad weather?

unknown 3:32

Thunderstorm.

Chuck Cotterman 3:33

Thunderstorm. Is there a thunderstorm in particular you remember uh from your youth or just love doing stuff during thunderstorms? Just love listening to the thing. Just love listening to the thunder. So you like the thunder the best. Uh let me ask you another question. Do you have someone in your life that you would like to sit in a thunderstorm with? Doesn't have to be a husband, wife, it can be a friend, it can be a per a real enemy, whatever you like. Who is that?

unknown 3:58

Jen.

Chuck Cotterman 3:58

Jen! Everybody, round of applause for Jen. All right. And Jen, uh the baton has been passed to you. Jen, uh just a quick question for you. Probably too long, actually, to be called quick, but let me ask you this. Is there someone in your life that you would consider a mentor? No mentors whatsoever. Well, that backfired, didn't it, everybody? Moving right along. Uh, my friend, right right next to Jen, she's not looking at me. It's you. Oh, yes. I actually chose her because she wasn't looking at me. And how about you? Do you have a mentor? Do you have someone in your life that you would consider a mentor? A teacher? Who is and who is that?

unknown 4:48

Joe Deseski.

Chuck Cotterman 4:49

Joe Dazeski. And who is Joe Dazewski to you? College director? What c what type of director? Music theater? Theater? And uh, what was the best play that Joe ever put you in? The rivals. And uh, can I ask you, are you an after uh an after-production party person or are you gonna go home and go to bed? Oh no, not tonight. At any time.

unknown 5:15

I'm usually an after party.

Chuck Cotterman 5:17

Oh, she likes the after party. Everybody likes the after party, isn't that right, folks? All right. Theater majors. Give it up for theater majors.

How The Improv Radio Works

Chuck Cotterman 5:29

All right. Now we are gonna get started here tonight. Uh, and I want to make sure that we all uh really have a good time, so I just want to let everybody know here that uh we really respect All Ears. All Ears is a fantastic uh group. They put everything together, they meticulously rehearse, they plan out their scripts, they write. We haven't done a single bit of that. Uh what you'll see here is fully made up uh right here on the stage and right here at the table, and I will be over on the left, right here, well, my left, you're right, uh, writing out the commercials in free writing, and these will be uh made up on the spot. Absolutely no artificial intelligence will be used, and not a whole lot of the real stuff either. So uh put your hands together. Tonight we are going to have the improvised golden age of radio, but before you do start clapping, we have one last piece of information. We've gotten tons from you all, but there's one piece missing, and that is the title of tonight's show. And so, Cast, do we have a title for tonight's show?

Eric Pedersen 6:26

The Storm. The Storm and the After Party.

Chuck Cotterman 6:34

Everyone, your hands together for the storm and the after party.

Act One Begins In Root Cellar

SPEAKER_06 6:44

It began with a crash of thunder. Just like that. And another one. And yet another crash of thunder. That's how it all began. As Jessica sat in the root cellar, riding out the storm, the raging storm outside, when suddenly she heard a knock at the cellar door. Who can that be? Let me in. Let me in. I'm not gonna let a stranger into my root cellar. I'm not a stranger, it's me, your high school theater director. I'm about to post the cast list! How could she have forgotten the dulcet tones of Joe DiLombardi? Hero Joe Di Lombardi! Oh my god, Mr. Di Lombardi, let me take the barriers off my cellar routine. There were many, many locks to this cellar door, for you see, Jessica wasn't just afraid of thunderstorms. I'm afraid of many things, so I have a lot of locks on. Sorry you're stuck in the weather. No, it's fine. I know about all your fears. It's that depth of emotion that caused me to cast you as the lead. Well, wait, let me let you in here, Burr. Yeah, Jesus Christ, let's go! There were seven more locks to unlock before Joe Di Lombardi could make his way into that root cellar. Oh my god, Mr. Di Lombardi, you're so I know, it's almost a tornado out there! Here, let me get you a bunch of my root cloths. He then explained what he meant by almost a tornado. For you see, Joe Di Lombardi had more passions than just theater. Well, you see, as a tornado begins to form, it'll sometimes barely touch down, and then it'll come back up, and then Oh I don't find this interesting at all. Uh, I guess my meteorological passions rival my dramaturgical ones. Anyway, uh, I was out trying to make my way to the high school to post the cast list on the cork board dramatically with a pen, as I do, and I got caught up in all this weather! And I knew that you lived here, not that I know what your home address is or anything. I'm cool, it's fine. Uh my father puts a very large sign out front. I know! Your watermelons truly are the best in town. Anyway, uh, sorry, the weather just I'm just with Mr. D. Lombardi. What show is it? Oh, Jessica, we're doing guys and dolls. And you're Sky Masterson. Just then, there was another knock at the Root Cellar door. Did you lock all those behind me? I only like half of them. Please let me in. I saw many almost tornadoes on the way over. They're almost, right? You can see it when they're just about to. I don't want to get into meteorological discussions. Just let me in the cellar. Mr. DeLombardi, help me unlock all these locks. Okay. I'm helping as hard as I can. She recognized that voice. It was the voice of her rival. Is that Francesca Plantagenet? The very Francesca Plantagenet. The best actress in the town. You bitch. She thought to herself, Oh, what are you doing here, Francesca? Well, I was just on my way over to the high school to look at the cast list, and even though I haven't been in high school for several years, I thought surely there'll be a need of my theatrical talents for the first time. You are always in the running.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

You are always in the running. You are always in the running. I just need you to know that.

SPEAKER_06 10:57

What a charming root seller you have. Hmm. Thank you. It wasn't a compliment. She thought to herself. Mr. D. Lombardi. Is Francesca? It's Francesca. I know how to say it right. Is she also cast in Guys and Dolls? Yes, she is not Sky Masterson, but the other one, the Sky. Nathan Detroit? Nathan Detroit, Mua? Yes. Nathan Detroit? Oh God, save it for the stage.

Empty School And Stormy Flirting

Eric Pedersen 11:36

Meanwhile, across town in the school, the principal was wondering, where are all the students? There's supposed to be an after school event where all the casts are revealed for all the plays and all the clubs, and it's just the faculty wondering, where is everyone?

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Yep. There's the bell. They should be here by now.

SPEAKER_06 12:07

Principal uh Masterson, what uh please call me Guy. Uh Guy? Uh it's French. Call me Guy. Uh Guy. Uh uh I thought we evacuated the school. Well, we were going to, but none of the tornadoes quite coalesced. They're all a little halfsies, and so I was like, I don't know. But none of the kids showed up, it's just us faculty. Well, well, I I I showed up because I I do what was that? Oh. Did you forget to lock the gym door again? No, I am cartoonishly elaborate with my locking. Some say it's annoyingly excessive. Oh, I I would never say that, Principal Masterson. I I think you're a very good principal and very good at locking things. Well, Mrs. LaCroix, I uh I appreciate that. Please, Miss Lacroix. This was Jasmine Lacroix. She'd been working at the school as the secretary for just six months, and she had an eye for Guy Masterson. I notice you haven't gone home to your uh wife.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

No, I haven't been able to do that these five long years since she passed.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

Oh. You mean since she got transferred to that ghoul's girls' school in Wisconsin? Just wasn't gonna move to Wisconsin, so. Oh. Oh, that's what put you over. I think there's something faulty with the speaker system. Oh, yeah. That darn thing's always acting up. Yeah, yeah. No, I uh it's just me. Well, I'm all alone in that big house. Oh, it is a big house. I've walked past it several times. Not that I looked up your address or anything. No, that wouldn't be weird or anything.

Eric Pedersen 14:10

Just then, the janitor walked in.

SPEAKER_05 14:12

Mr. Masterson! Mr. Masterson! Chucko, what is it? There's a whole busload of kids out front. Oh, good, get them in here! What do you mean? I'm trying to go home. It's 8 p.m. There was almost tornadoes. Almost.

SPEAKER_06 14:28

Yeah, but if also it's oh no, I fell into your arms from the noise. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're you're trembling so much. Don't be scared. Don't be scared. Oh, lock me up. What the hell's going on? Hey, Chucko, you get those kids in here. Alright, I'll bring them in the gym. And mind your mind your place. Oh, I'm I'm I'm sorry, Principal Master. Uh, Ghee, I don't know what came over me. It was just the sound of that storm. I know. Well, Miss Lacroix. Let's pick this up another time. Okay. Because there's children about to come in. Oh, well, that's a good point. I thought we'd be alone in a storm school. No, I boarded up for many hours, but I guess the students are here, so yippee yay! Yeah, I'm over the moon about it too. Meanwhile, across town was Jessica's father desperately trying to bring in his prize watermelons before the storm flew them away.

SPEAKER_05 15:36

No, no, no, no, they're almost tornado. All my watermelons that I grow in my reasonably sized front yard. I got a 27-pounder and a 23-pounder. Their names are Delilah and Giuseppe. He was talking to himself. Oh. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Oh, you gotta go save Delilah.

SPEAKER_05 15:58

You gotta go save Giuseppe. You're not, you're not the wicked witch of the West. You're not gonna melt into rain. Get yourself ready. Get out there. Go get your watermelons. Do you prize possessions?

SPEAKER_06 16:08

Just then the clouds began to dissipate. A streak of sunlight broke through. Oh Lord. Thank you for saving my watermelons, which reasonably would need an outrageous amount of wind to blow away at 29 and 27 pounds. He would need a tornado to touch down. He was a very religious man. And he got down on his knees.

SPEAKER_05 16:41

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for protecting my prized watermelon that I plan on winning the county fair with.

SPEAKER_06 16:50

Also, his name was Gus. I don't think we mentioned that yet. That's right. Gus is gonna win the county fair. God, you hear me? I mean, thank you, Lord. He was religious.

Chuck Cotterman 17:08

Alright, everybody, put your hands together. That's the end of Act One of the Storm and the After Party.

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Chuck Cotterman 17:17

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Act Two Janitor Locks Down Gym

SPEAKER_06 18:04

After getting the kids off of the school bus, Chucko the janitor made his way back to the janitorium to sharpen his mop. Or whatever.

SPEAKER_07 18:18

Chucko, thanks, Chucko. Thanks for bringing us in. Thanks, Chucko. Hey, gee, thanks, Chucko.

SPEAKER_05 18:23

Oh my god. Oh my god. Anthony! Anthony!

SPEAKER_07 18:27

Yeah, what is it?

SPEAKER_05 18:29

You gotta help me. There's a busload of kids up there, and you know how I hate dealing with the children directly.

SPEAKER_07 18:35

At 8 p.m., you should be home by now.

SPEAKER_05 18:38

That's what I said. But Guy Masterson, the son of a bitch. He says, you stay. You stay. There's no tornadoes, so you stay.

SPEAKER_04 18:46

If I didn't live here, I'd be pissed. But I do.

SPEAKER_06 18:51

This was Anthony, the school scamp. I don't got no parents what care about me. I know your story, Anthony. You don't gotta tell it to me. I'm sorry, Chucko. I just like to read. Smudge little cheeks and hands could be found all over the school doing odd jobs. I tell you what, though, I can't resist giving them cheeks a big old pinch.

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Well, you better get a hurry, because I got a lot of toilets to shine.

SPEAKER_06 19:17

Oh, you don't even know it. There's 33 kids in the gym. Oh, hot dog, wait, isn't it? And it's it's nighttime. That's shitting time. No, but today's the day when they post the cast list for the musical. And I hear that this year it's spring awakening, but I might be wrong. Anthony always had a hankering to be a bit of a theatrical actor of sorts. Hey, watch me tap dance real fast. I'm sick of watching you tap dance, you little scam. I will get rhythm eventually, I swear to god.

SPEAKER_05 19:55

No, your ability to rattle off a bunch of taps randomly is impressive. But hey, hey Chucko, you know what you should do? What? You should sabotage the cast list posting. What? Why would I do that, Anthony? Because you have a bad attitude. That is true. And I want to get home. And if there's no school play, I can go home early for months.

SPEAKER_06 20:17

You know what you should do? You should lock all the doors. And not the way you usually do with one or two locks, which is reasonable. You should go ape shit, put chains around the crash bars, really lock all the kids into the gym. I mean, I've got 10 years worth of abandoned locks. And 10 years worth of grudge. Oh, at least. Alright, well, I'm gonna go shine those toilets. Good luck. Walking towards the school were our three original characters. Two rivals and a mentor.

SPEAKER_05 20:52

Walking towards the destination of the school.

SPEAKER_06 20:59

Stop singing in the rain, Francesca. Does my character sing that song? I can't remember. No, that's his character. Well, well, maybe we should think about which character should sing. No, because you've got Rock in the Boat. I think is your big 11 o'clock number, as I recall. I can't believe you cast her directly. She doesn't even know the show. Well, does anyone really know Guys and Dolls? You have to experience it for yourself. Tell me, Mr. De Lombardi, is there gonna be a lot of sex appeal in this production? Thank God you are over 18, because yes, there is. You're trashy, friendly. Sorry. Oh, did I just hear you get a boner, Mr. D. Lombardi? I don't want to talk about it. Through the rain, I heard you get a boner. It's been lasting. I I do need to see my doctor. It's been more than six hours. Oh, I hear that the most virile men always respond when a fundus. Storm comes to town. Whoa! The crowds are starting to gather again. You might hear it respond again. Whoa, uh well. No, no. Well, that's embarrassing. Oh my god. There it is. Again, I do need to see my doctor. It should not be making noise. Oh, here we are at the school. Oh, the si Hey! What the the doors? Why are they locked? Why are they locked? It almost sounds like there's a ludicrous amount of big chunky locks on the other side. This is too many locks. This puts your root cellar to shame. Rude.

SPEAKER_07 22:39

That's the safest place I've ever been in.

SPEAKER_06 22:42

Well, I think we need to find our way inside. This isn't right. If I don't post the cast list, then that'll you know, Mr. Deal and Body, why don't you just give little old me that cast list? Oh I'll post it for you. Oh, Francesca, I would trust you with my life. Here you go. Wait, why are you trying to be sneaky? You already have the lead role. Oh, I've got one lead role. Also, to be clear, you have the lead role. I guess I also don't know the show very well. Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble.

Principal Office Panic Over Cast List

Eric Pedersen 23:17

Meanwhile, inside at the principal's office.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

I'm just gonna keep raising all of them. I'm glad we could find some time alone.

SPEAKER_06 23:35

Oh! Guy, it's you in the principal's office.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Miss LaCroix. This is my office.

SPEAKER_06 23:41

Yeah, so I I'm surprised to find you here. I'm surprised to find you here. I have to tell you something. Something I've been wanting to admit for a very long, long time. All the six months that I've worked here. Well, Guy, I know say it in French. I know your French. Je m'appelle Miss Le Croix.

SPEAKER_07 24:15

Principal! Hello, Mr. Principal! What? Who is that? It's me! Little Timmy! Anthony? Is it Andy? No, yeah, little no, it's little Timmy Anthony. Little Timmy Anthony! What are you doing out there? What are you doing? We're stranded in the gym! What? We're stranded in the gym! The gym? Yeah, they took us off the bus and put us in the gym, and then there's no adults there.

SPEAKER_06 24:37

Well, go read the cast list. That's why we all brought you out here at 8 p.m. on a school night.

SPEAKER_07 24:42

Nobody posted it!

SPEAKER_06 24:44

What?

SPEAKER_07 24:45

Bye!

SPEAKER_06 24:49

Where's Dylan Bardi? He should have posted that cast list by now. Oh my god, without a cast list, there won't be any show.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Look, as much as I would love to figure out this whole thing we got going on here right now.

SPEAKER_06 25:01

We have a thing going on here right now? You said your name to me in French. You're goddamn right you do. Oh, Principal Masterson. But I have to find out if the if the spring musical cast list doesn't get. No, I'm about to faint. Please, quick, pick something, anything.

Eric Pedersen 25:17

I'll actually mention the As Principal Masterson caught Miss LeCroix.

SPEAKER_06 25:23

Sorry, my penises went asleep. It's okay, I'm into it. Down the hallway in the gymnasium. 33 high school students waited anxiously for the cast list. Oh my god, where's the catha? Oh my god, where's the catha? Okay, I don't even know this play, but I don't even know this musical, but I want to be a part of it. I was told I could be one of the gamblers. Oh my god. Oh my god, is there gambling in this play? My mom says my dad gambles so much that she's gonna divorce him. There's dice. It's dice. They roll dice. I wanna be the guy that says sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, you're rocking the boat. Oh, I think that's probably gonna go to Francesca, the girl who's graduated from high school by a lot. It's not one of the main characters that sing that song, actually. It's just like some oh gambler guy.

SPEAKER_07 26:17

Oh, yeah, yeah, no. It's uh uh uh uh uh uh it's not gonna come to me, don't worry.

SPEAKER_06 26:21

I think it's Ernie the Gambler. Oh, sure. Oh yeah, that's a good role. He's the uh which one is he? The the I heard they're not gonna give us the script before the show. That sounds like a really bad idea. Yeah, no, let's go in blind. Well, we don't even know what role we have, so. Oh yeah. Also, what the hell? Why are we locked in here? This is dumb. Meanwhile, looking up from one of the rafters, high in the gymnasium, was Anthony the Scamp. His plan was working perfectly.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

Ah, yeah. Look at all those kids down there. I can't wait for you all to not get cast in a musical and have to be an outcast and eventually live in the school where you shine toilets. You all think you're better than me, but you're not.

SPEAKER_06 27:09

Someday you will rue the day you ostracized Anthony, the lovable, chubby-cheeked scamp.

Almost Tornado Becomes Real

SPEAKER_06 27:16

But little did he know that right outside this high school, an almost tornado was actually touching down. What the wow? Oh no. The children in the gym reacted as the doors started shuddering and shaking back and forth. Oh my god. Oh my god, this is so scary. What the fuck? What the fuck? This is so scary. I'm gonna go live. Why did they make us come to school? Oh my god, we get it. You need to sleep a lot. I need to. Because you have a condition. Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_05 27:55

And as frightening as it was for the children inside of the school, Francesca and Jessica and Mr. D. Lambardi were trapped outside.

SPEAKER_06 28:03

Mrs. D. Lambardi, look! That there tornado, it's touching down. Why do you have a southern accent, you bitch? Oh, it's becoming it's a real tornado, not just half-assing it. Explain it halfway. What's happening to it meteorologically? Well, uh, when the wind gets twisty enough, it wants to kiss the ground because uh Apollo, the god of the sky, and Gaia, the god of the earth, want to make out with each other. And that's science. That actually is more interesting than I thought it would be.

SPEAKER_07 28:39

Oh no, the cast list! It's getting caught in the wind! Francesca don't let it go! It's carrying you along with me!

SPEAKER_06 28:47

And the winds were so strong that Francesca was raised the feet first in the air. Mr. Di Lambardi grabbed her hand in a desperate attempt to keep her earthbound. Francesca, I don't know what I'll do without you! You're always the best part of the musical. Here, many long years after your graduation. And then the wind picked up so much that even Mr. Di Lombardi was raised. And Jessica grabbed his hand. Whoa! If this was a musical right now, would be an act break! Oh, if only the piano players were still here.

Chuck Cotterman 29:22

And that's act two of the storm and the after party.

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Chuck Cotterman 29:27

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Act Three Watermelon Rescue Chaos

SPEAKER_06 30:25

It was chaos at the high school as the tornado touched down, ran raging and ranting and raving all over. And then, about a mile away, came Gus, armed with his trusty 30-pound watermelons.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

Oh dear lord, this is a labor of love.

SPEAKER_06 30:50

I know there is a group of children at the school getting ready to see what their dreams will be in this high school playing.

SPEAKER_05 30:59

They need they need sustenance. They need the gus equivalent of a soccer mom. These theater children need fresh watermelon. And I am bringing my 29-pound and my 27-pound watermelon to the school through the storm. That's right.

SPEAKER_06 31:21

56 pounds of watermelon. Meanwhile, in the janitorium, Chuck was l uh absolutely happy with how his plan went to lock those children in.

SPEAKER_05 31:38

Hey, lock those stupid children in. I hate them.

SPEAKER_06 31:42

Oh, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck Chucko, is that what you preferred to be called?

SPEAKER_05 31:47

Yes, it is. My name's Chucko. I don't prefer I don't prefer it in my name.

SPEAKER_06 31:51

Oh, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_05 31:52

My name's Chucko.

SPEAKER_06 31:53

What's your name? It's it's me, Miss LeCroix. You got an X in your name and you say it weird. My name's Chucko. Well, I I realize we've never really interacted before, but I I just wanted to know if the doors were properly locked.

SPEAKER_05 32:14

You got no idea.

SPEAKER_06 32:16

Chucko leered, and you could hear the sound of his biology reacting to Miss Lacar. Oh, Chucko, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but have- Do you hear my somewhat mechanical erection? Talking about locks gets me hard. My name Chucko. Well, I I came here to confide in you about my desired romance with the principal, but I feel like I should just leave and let you deal with this on your own. It's all about me for me, you know what I'm saying? Chucko sidled up behind Miss LeCroix and locked the door of the janitorium behind her. Don't be afraid, it's not weird. Tell me what you were gonna tell me. And uh, but meanwhile, before this got too weird, uh deposited before that got too weird. Well, I'm working on it, but upon the roof of the gymnasium was deposited by the tornado. Jessica, Francesca, and Mr. Di Lombardi.

SPEAKER_07 33:28

We're on the roof.

SPEAKER_06 33:29

The stars of the show. We need we need to get inside if I don't post this cast list. Mr. DiLombardo, you sure know how to show a girl a good time. Oh, I would love to be able to talk more about this, but you are only 18. Oh, I'm over 18. We've established that. Look, we need to get downstairs. If I don't post this cast musical, I might get fired. Oh no. If I get fired, then there might not be a musical. And if there's no musical, then who will bring culture to this fucking town? Oh my god. Two there's a watermelon farm, and I don't know what else.

SPEAKER_07 34:13

My father grows the best watermelons in the county. That's your dick.

SPEAKER_06 34:16

Your father's an idiot who talks to God. Hey, Francesca. There's nothing wrong with talking to God. We are in sort of western Michigan. Watch out.

SPEAKER_07 34:28

Oh, what's that? The rooftop is shaking. Oh, I think it's gonna collapse. Oh no. This whole gymnasium is coming down beneath us downstairs.

SPEAKER_05 34:42

Downstairs in the gymnasium, the children and Chucko and Anthony saw the foundation shaking.

SPEAKER_07 34:51

I'm okay with this! Fuck this place. It was never good to me.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

I hate old shit.

SPEAKER_07 34:57

They didn't even post the cast list. Oh my god, what the fuck are we here for? Oh my god, is that guy carrying fucking watermelons?

SPEAKER_06 35:04

Oh my god. He's so dirty. Let's get out of here. Help me with these locks. Okay. Oh my god, there's a ton of locks on these doors. Yeah. This could take quite some time. The roof rumbled and the walls shook and it began to collapse.

SPEAKER_07 35:22

Oh no. Okay, here's the last lock open. Everybody get out of the gymnasium! Look out, look out, look out, look out! Don't rock the gymnasium.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

The last person escaped the gymnasium as the foundation shook from the tornado.

SPEAKER_06 35:39

Yeah, that's it! The walls collapsed! The roof collapsed!

Eric Pedersen 35:45

Jessica, Francesca, and Mr. D. Lombardi, as it was collapsing, had a choice to make.

SPEAKER_06 35:53

What do we do? Do we jump? You girls, I'll go first and land on me. Okay. That's truly the best idea I just came up with. I have no other ideas.

SPEAKER_07 36:04

Okay. I mean, where are you gonna land?

SPEAKER_06 36:07

I can't believe we have time to have this conversation, right?

SPEAKER_07 36:12

Very unstable.

SPEAKER_05 36:14

At that moment, Gus with his two watermelons came running as fast as 56 pounds of watermelons. It's hard to run, you know?

SPEAKER_06 36:22

That's a lot. Came when Jessica! He threw the watermelons ahead of him, and there was just two of them. So Jessica got one and Francesca got the other. And Mr. Di Lombardo landed on Gus. Who realized he was gay. Who are you? I l I think I love you. My back is broken. You fellow.

SPEAKER_04 36:56

Yeah, serves you right! Serves all of you right.

SPEAKER_06 36:59

Just then, Principal Masterson walked into the gymnasium, and before him lay the humanity of what had happened that night. What the storm had wrought. My God. I miss my wife. I'm moving to Wisconsin.

Curtain Call Credits And Links

Chuck Cotterman 37:26

Everybody keep your hands together for the storm in the after party. We have once again Eric Peterson, Eric Muller, and Philip Amler. We also have Caitlin Schneider and Gary Brown on the table. And I'm your announcer Chuck Chucko Cotterman. Friends, you know by now that Super Samson cellar doors are simply essential tools to keep your home, your beautiful collections, and maybe even your wife totally safe. But we know we can improve. We've heard your feedback, and now each and every Super Samson cellar door comes with at least one functional handle. Get yours today while supplies last. Everybody, thank you so much. Thank you to the Crawl Space Theater. Thank you to all ears. Please visit us uh at improvisedradio show.com, and we are also found in the show.

Eric Pedersen 38:16

Yes. Do what Chuck said and visit improvisedradio.com, and you can see a fully edited video of the performance you just listened to. Check out our YouTube channel for another past show featuring thrilling adventure hours, Mark Gagliardi. This show's cast featured Eric Muller as Joe DiLombardi, Guy Masterson, high school students, and Anthony the school scamp who ain't got no parents what care about him. Philip Ambler played Francesca Plantagenet, Jasmine Le Croix, and high school students. Eric Peterson played Jessica and Gus, Chuckko the Janitor, Little Tim Anthony, and additional high school students, Foley artists Caitlin Schneider and Gary Brown, and Chuck Cotterman was your announcer.

Chuck Cotterman 38:55

Everybody, could we just have one more round of applause for Gary for his first ever improv? Absolutely fantastic. Thanks again.