Prison Spring Break (Ft. Thomas Kelly of Sand)

A story of redemption reminiscent of the Shawkshank prison yards... well not really but there is a prison! Our waves are graced with the tones of Thomas Kelly from legendary improv group Sand! Listening to him make faces will delight your ear bones, or whatever is in those things!  Below is the AI generated summary for your amusement.  Please like and subscribe anywhere podcasts are available. Also check out a video of a recent show here:

@ThomasKellyActingMan

@SandImprov

@improvisedradioshow

www.improvisedradio.com

A prison warden decides the answer to rehabilitation is spring break, and we immediately regret letting him cook. Recorded live at Bughouse Theater in Chicago in the style of a classic Golden Age radio broadcast, we spin an improvised audio theater comedy where a “camper prison bus van” heads toward the Grand Canyon, two soul cellmates plot their dumbest escape yet, and the prison laundry room becomes the birthplace of something genuinely sinister.

Along the way, we meet Cindy Winterson, the warden’s daughter, who insists she’s done all her homework and now wants to ride along with the inmates. Her awkward, overheated bus conversation with a jaywalking “bad boy” turns romance into danger, and the trip detonates into a crash that leaves the whole group relying on an unlikely rescuer: a Grand Canyon tour guide and a heroic donkey named Misty. If you love live improv comedy, foley sound effects, and narrative twists that only happen when performers are making it up together, this one keeps escalating.

Back at the prison, the real plot surfaces: Lollipop’s cauldron lair, mind control, and a surprisingly sad origin story that reframes the chaos as a crooked search for connection. We end up with satire about “easy fixes” for broken systems, plus a weirdly sweet reminder that love can show up in the middle of a disaster. Subscribe for more improvised radio theater, share this with a friend who loves audio drama comedy, and leave us a review with the moment that made you laugh hardest.

Transcript

Fake Broadcast Cold Open

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And if you like the sweet smell of gasoline now, industry experts say you'll love this summer's edition of Extra Lead. You're listening to KIGAR Radio, skipping tests of the emergency alert system by popular demand.

Live Show Setup And Cast

SPEAKER_10 0:32

Staged and performed in the full style of a classic old-time radio broadcast, today's show was recorded on March 1st, 2026 at the Bughouse Theater in Chicago, Illinois. This episode features special guest Thomas Kelly of world-famous improv to some sand. To get more comedy from Thomas, follow Thomas Kelly Acting Fan and Sand Improv on Instagram. Enjoy the show. Welcome everybody to the Improvised Golden Age of Radio. Thank you very much for coming out tonight. We're very happy to have you. Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out to the Bachhouse tonight. Keep the energy up. Thank you very much. We are going to have an amazing show for you tonight. The broadcast will be starting in a few minutes, and I will not be performing this show by myself. We will be having an amazing cast of improvisers, an amazing cast of foley artists. Let's get those two out here right now. Caitlin Schneider and Chuck Cotterman improvising live sound effects for us all evening. And tonight the cast that will be providing the entertainment. Give your hands to give your put your hands together and give them a round of applause for Joe Hartenstein, Shelby Burton, Thomas Kelly, Ashley Whitehurst, and Philip Amler.

SPEAKER_13 1:51

Give your hands together, everybody. Give your hands together.

SPEAKER_10 1:52

Give your hands together.

unknown 1:55

Keep them together.

Audience Prompts For Story Fuel

SPEAKER_10 1:56

Wow. Keep them together, keep them, glue them together. Alright, fantastic. My name is Eric Peterson. I will be your host tonight. I'm just gonna talk to you for a few minutes before we get the broadcast started. This is an improvised show. We are going to use some of the material we get from these very brief interactions with you for the comedy tonight. It's going to inspire the characters, the scenarios, and it's also going to inspire the commercials that the show is interrupted by. So, really quickly, without too many follow-up questions, does anybody have anything coming up in the future somewhat soon that is either important or a big event to them? Yep, sir.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

I am going on spring break and I am probably going camping.

SPEAKER_10 2:37

You're probably going camping, awesome. Have you been camping before?

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yes, in a camper van.

SPEAKER_10 2:44

How many uh are you gonna be in a camper van again or will you camp outdoors?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Probably camp outdoors or camp in, I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 2:51

What's your favorite part about camping?

SPEAKER_01 2:54

The marshmallows.

SPEAKER_10 2:56

Fantastic. Thank you very much. Fantastic. Uh anybody have any travel coming up in the future? Has anybody been on a trip recently? Yes, sir.

unknown 3:06

We are gonna go to the Grand Canyon.

SPEAKER_10 3:07

Going to the Grand Canyon. Uh, what's the occasion for the trip?

SPEAKER_08 3:10

It will also be spring break.

SPEAKER_10 3:12

Woo! Spring break? Woo! Uh have you been to the Grand Canyon before?

SPEAKER_08 3:16

No. This will be our first time.

SPEAKER_10 3:18

Why did you end up choosing the Grand Canyon? It's where her parents live. Uh and who are you, ma'am?

SPEAKER_09 3:23

I'm his wife. Fantastic.

SPEAKER_10 3:26

And what is your name?

SPEAKER_09 3:27

Kristen.

SPEAKER_10 3:28

Kristen and Scott.

SPEAKER_09 3:30

Uh Vendit, your parents you said are from uh they are in Peoria, Arizona.

SPEAKER_10 3:35

Because you can't really be from the Grand Canyon.

Joe 3:39

That was gonna be my follow-up.

SPEAKER_10 3:41

Which, how deep, what's your elevation? That sort of thing. Thank you very much. It was, I'm sorry, Kristen and Scott. Kristen and Scott, thank you very much. And uh one last uh from over here, I'm just gonna get anything. Does anybody have uh maybe a job that they've had in the past or right now that was very interesting or terrible or or anything like that? Or great. Oh no, I was just telling her that I got a job interview over at 26 in California. You have a job interview soon for that?

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yes, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_10 4:18

Do you want to tell us what the job is for?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Prison librarian.

SPEAKER_10 4:23

Hell yeah. Are you currently a librarian? No. Are you currently in prison?

unknown 4:32

No.

SPEAKER_10 4:33

That was a negative on the currently in prison. And uh your name, ma'am?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Leslie.

Title Reveal Prison Spring Break

SPEAKER_10 4:37

Leslie, thank you so much. All right, everybody, we are about to get our broadcast started, but before we do, we are going to need to find out the title for tonight's improvised show. So, cast, do we have a title for tonight's show?

Philip 4:54

We do.

SPEAKER_10 4:55

We do, and Philip, what is that title?

Philip 4:57

Prison Spring Break.

SPEAKER_10 5:00

Prison Spring Break. Then, ladies and gentlemen, please in a moment put your hands together as the golden age of radio players present Prison Spring Break.

Warden Plans Grand Canyon Trip

Joe 5:24

The prison was all abuzz with the upcoming break. Everybody was excited. Everybody was excited to uh get a little break from this uh daily being incarcerated and having to watch prisoners and just get out there and have a good time with each other. Nobody was more excited than the warden, uh Derek Winterson, because this was his idea. He thought that he could reform criminals by making things a little more lenient on them.

Philip 6:05

Uh oh, shift's over already? God, I love breaking rocks with the boys.

SPEAKER_11 6:13

Hey boss, where are we going on spring break this year?

SPEAKER_15 6:16

You know, we only get to go on one spring break trip, and I got a lot of ideas.

Philip 6:22

Uh, lollipop, you're one of my favorites. That's because I got all the lollipops, you know? Uh well, as you know, I do uh allow a little bit of contraband when it's something sweet. Yeah.

Joe 6:36

This was this was the warden, Derek Winterson. He wasn't afraid to break rocks with the boys. He would get in there with them. Ooh, that looks like a good one.

SPEAKER_15 6:48

Yeah, I kind of broke it up. Yeah, don't worry, I'll get the rest of it later. I was thinking, uh, you know, maybe we could go a little bit further this year. You know, last year when we just went downtown, that was fun and all, but I believe the guys have worked extra hard this year. We should like go on a real spring break.

Philip 7:09

Somewhere where we could all get away. Somewhere we could. Oh, do you hear that wind calling us? Yeah. Oh, there it goes. Now it's picking up it's blowing. I feel like it's blowing out west, lollipop.

SPEAKER_15 7:28

That's right. I was hoping you'd you'd you'd be able to read my mind. Uh I've talked to a bunch of the guys, you know, and uh I have a petition here. It was not really a petition, it's more of like a survey of where they want to go. And they all said they want to go to a place that's split in the middle, and it's like you can look down and you see just nothingness.

Philip 7:51

Now, Lollipop, you know I can't read mines, and I might be very lenient, but the one thing I won't allow in this here prison is witchcraft. This here's a Christian prison, and I best not hear you talking about any voodoo reading mines again.

SPEAKER_15 8:06

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. That comes from my upbreathing in uh New Orleans. I'll drop it. But boss, we were thinking, you know, we could we could just go out west and maybe see the Grand Canyon.

Philip 8:19

Well, I think about it. If you're good, if you behave.

SPEAKER_15 8:23

Oh, but none of us have gotten in trouble all year. Nobody stabbed anybody, nobody's, you know, hugged anybody, nobody has not made their bed. Oh well.

Philip 8:39

Time for the second shift. All right, think about it. And don't you try to read my mind.

SPEAKER_15 8:46

I won't. Here's a lollipop just for you. Oh, thanks. Cherry flavored. I'll see you in a little while. Think about it.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Say Larry.

SPEAKER_13 8:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:00

We still on for getting out of here.

SPEAKER_13 9:03

Yeah. I can't wait to use spring break as an opportunity to break a spring and get out of here.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Oh, I can't wait. I've been I've been studying the blueprints back and forth like you asked me to.

SPEAKER_13 9:14

Yeah, so I think if we bash all the soaps together, we could make a sled that goes down the laundry shed.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Oh, Larry, you're always thinking. And it's kind of erotic if you think about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_15 9:27

Larry and Harry had been in the same cell for 20 years now. Every day they talked about how they were going to escape.

SPEAKER_13 9:37

It's gonna be a while not being around you for 20 years.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

I sure am gonna miss you. If it's not too bold of me to say, but I'm gonna miss you, man.

SPEAKER_13 9:45

I'm gonna miss you too. I won't miss these stinking walls and that dang Warden Winterson.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

Oh, he's the worst. If I could if I could punch him on the way out, I would. But then he would know we're getting out of here.

SPEAKER_13 9:58

Oh, yeah. Oh, if I could step on his foot, I'd step on it so hard he had to get a new size of shoe.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Yeah, he'd be a size 11 and not a size 10 anymore.

SPEAKER_13 10:08

Yeah. Oh. I'd tweak his nose and it'd be red for a week.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Yeah. I'd pull on his ears real hard and I'd say, here's a quarter. Confuse him.

SPEAKER_15 10:22

Mary and Harry were the two that had never been able to go on spring break because they had bad behavior.

SPEAKER_13 10:29

Everybody always comes back about with smiles on their face and they they get excited to wake up and eat the slop. Wow, I hate spring break. I do too, but not this year.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

This year's our year.

SPEAKER_13 10:42

We were good all year, so we can use it as an opportunity to break out of prison.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Yeah, we were so good. I complimented every parole officer I saw and warden.

SPEAKER_13 10:52

I and I I I stamped the license plates with a smile on my face, even though inside I was making a different face.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

You look so happy stamping those plates.

SPEAKER_13 11:02

No, I wasn't. On inside, I was making a totally different face.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

What was that face? Show it to me.

SPEAKER_13 11:07

Oh, it was something like this. Oh that's your poopin' face. You know that.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

I know that face! I know that face. And I know yours, unfortunately. I'm gonna miss you, and I'm gonna miss that face.

SPEAKER_13 11:19

I'm gonna miss you, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

I'm gonna miss all your faces.

SPEAKER_15 11:21

Yeah. The one thing about this prison is all the prisoners were very close with their cellmates. So close they called them soul cellmates.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

I'm glad we got paired.

SPEAKER_13 11:34

Yeah, I guess this that's the one good thing about this place.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Hey.

SPEAKER_13 11:40

Hey.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

I'll write ya.

SPEAKER_13 11:42

Yeah. If you can find me, but if I could find you, I'll write you too.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

That's a good point.

Philip 11:48

Meanwhile, in the laundry room of the prison, an evil plot was hatching. For you see, there was one person that didn't appreciate the warden's leniency when it came to the inmates. And that person was Lucky Loomis. The laundryman.

SPEAKER_06 12:16

All right, all right, you you get back to work there.

SPEAKER_15 12:19

You fooled that laundry! Lucky, don't be so mean on them. They're here to be rehabilitated, okay? I don't want to see their hands off that darn laundry.

Philip 12:32

Lucky Loomis was about four foot tall, and he made up for it with a swagger. A swagger that men saw comin' bigger than his figure would imagine. He cast a long shadow for such a short man.

SPEAKER_15 12:47

Now now, Gurdy, you know, I I I don't I don't want these men getting any ideas when they're on spring break. Oh, they don't get ideas when they're on spring break. They get ideas every day. You should come to my creative workshop up in the library. You'd love to hear their stories. They're quite intelligent men.

Joe 13:08

I don't care about their intelligence. All I care about is the speed at which they fold the laundry.

SPEAKER_15 13:14

I know that, but I'm just here to tell you. You need to give them a just just back off just a little bit. They're nice guys, I'm telling you. I don't know. I just don't know. Lucky, look in my eye. I've loved you for a long time. And I want you to know that I love you for who you are, and you should love them for who they are. Give them a 14th chance. Come on.

Philip 13:44

Just then, crashing down the laundry chute on a giant sled made of multiple soaps, came Harry and Larry.

SPEAKER_06 14:00

It warped!

SPEAKER_13 14:01

It worked, oh uh hey, we we found this big bar of soap we wanted that had to be returned to the laundry, and then uh we gotta walk outside this open door.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

We have to. The warden told us to do it. And you ha and we know you report to the warden, so you have to let us do what the warden said, or I'll punch you in the face.

SPEAKER_15 14:24

Oh, wait, now you settle down there, okay? We've been working on that in the library, right? Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. And you over there, tense and release. Tense and release.

SPEAKER_06 14:43

Right, all right.

SPEAKER_13 14:45

You make it, son.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

I know that base.

SPEAKER_13 14:48

Yes, you do. Okay, well, uh, we're we're all understood here. We're gonna just walk out of this open door.

SPEAKER_06 14:53

Now, Harry, Larry, you come back here. Oh shoot! Oh, you two scamps, you're always getting into trouble.

Philip 15:02

It was another failed attempt for Harry and Larry. They'd have to go back to the drawing board. Metaphorically and literally, because they had a drawing board.

SPEAKER_15 15:13

All right, take them back to their cell. We'll give you your 15th chance.

SPEAKER_13 15:20

You won't see us here one day. We're gonna get out.

SPEAKER_15 15:23

Oh well. We'll see about that. Let's walk them back.

SPEAKER_06 15:29

Oh my beautiful piles.

SPEAKER_13 15:33

Meanwhile, in the saddest cell in all the prison was Small Terry II, the boy who would get out just the day before the spring break trip. The chronic Jaywalker had served his time, and today was his last day. And oh how he wished, oh, how he wished he could go to the Grand Canyon just once.

Philip 16:01

Maybe I should shank someone so they'll keep me a little longer. How I'd love to see that gorgeous gorge.

SPEAKER_14 16:12

Hey. It's me outside your window.

Philip 16:15

Oh, I'm not used to having visitors.

SPEAKER_14 16:17

Well, it's just me, Cindy. Hey, from the town. Oh, Cindy, yes. Yes. I just wanted to let you know that I know you get out in a couple of days, and everybody from the high school, you know, is going on spring break.

SPEAKER_15 16:32

I was wondering, um, maybe if you uh got out, I could meet you at the gate and you could go to spring break with me.

Philip 16:42

Well dear. That's a very nice offer, but uh I have uh I have a Hold on, I'm just gonna sit on the bed while we talk. And well, if you sit down, I can't see you over this window. Oh, but we can hear each other, and that's just fine. Okay, I can stand up again. Uh you see, Cindy, um, I'd love to come with you on spring break.

SPEAKER_14 17:14

Oh my goodness, my shirt got caught on this metal bar. Can you come help me? I feel like I'm stuck. Oh, dear. You just have to reach your hand through the metal bar window.

Philip 17:26

Uh, maybe I should call for the warden or someone who can help you from the outside.

SPEAKER_14 17:32

No, don't call my dad.

Philip 17:35

Uh, your dad's the warden.

SPEAKER_14 17:37

Yes. My dad's the warden.

Philip 17:40

Yeah, that is some troubling news.

SPEAKER_14 17:44

How do you think I spotted you in the first place? Well, I don't know.

Philip 17:49

I've been in jail for a month, I think.

SPEAKER_14 17:52

Yeah. It's just last week I came to eat lunch with my dad, and I looked out in the yard, and there you were with your shirt off.

Philip 18:01

Well, that's the way it's best to knock rocks about, take your shirt off, and then go to it.

SPEAKER_15 18:07

Yeah, I've never seen a teenage boy with a shirt off before.

Philip 18:11

Really?

SPEAKER_15 18:12

Yes.

Philip 18:13

That seems like a common sight. I don't think you'd have to go to a prison to see that, really. Just down the old swimming hole.

SPEAKER_15 18:21

My dad is very, very um, you know, protective. So that's why I was wondering when you when you get out, I can meet you at the gate and then I could shove you in a car and we could go on spring break together.

Philip 18:34

Well, as nice as that sounds, Cindy, the thing is that I might try to stab someone during breakfast today so that I can go to the the Grand Canyon. The grandest canyon!

SPEAKER_13 18:49

Ooh, that canyon oh bye.

SPEAKER_10 18:57

Keep that applause going for the Impervised Golden Age of Radio players, ladies and gentlemen. Does the cost of living have you down? Retirement outlook not looking so good because you can't afford your mortgage. Perhaps you and yours may have a future in the brand new real estate development of Grand Canyon Caves' luxury stone dwellings. These modern ziggurat-inspired alcoves will protect you from rain, the sun, and a majority of the dangerous wind-blowing rocks falling from the cliffs. The minimal furnishings include dust and many grooves in the rocks. This could be your new community. This could be your new home, Grand Canyon Cave Dwellings, a price you can afford, and the lack of comfort you deserve. Now put your hands together for Act 2 and welcome the players back to the stage.

SPEAKER_15 19:57

The bell rang to make all the prisoners gather around. All right, gather around, gather around, everybody. The warden stood up on the rickety stage talking to all the inmates.

Philip 20:12

Now, see here, boys. I know you've all been wondering about this spring break trip that's been much talked about.

SPEAKER_07 20:22

What's their name? What's their name?

Philip 20:25

And I'm proud to announce that this year the trip Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

We like riddles.

Philip 20:32

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_15 20:33

Do it as a riddle. Well, let's see. The warden was the best riddler in all of the state. He had actually won the state championship at high school. He had the best riddle for them to figure out.

Philip 20:47

Yes. All right. Well better be good.

SPEAKER_02 20:49

We all have shakes in our pocket.

Philip 20:52

I can put it this way. What's really great and also a big hole in the ground?

SPEAKER_13 21:02

What's really great in order to big hole in the ground? So let's see here. So it's maybe something big.

Philip 21:09

Big hole in the ground.

Joe 21:11

Florida. Florida swamps?

Philip 21:13

Uh nope. Good guess.

SPEAKER_13 21:18

Let's see. You, Larry, or Harry? Oh, let's see. Are we going to the the big hole outside of town? Ah, you're in the right direction. You're getting warmer. Okay. Let's see. Let's see.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

The big hole in the ground.

SPEAKER_15 21:36

Oh. And just that moment, one of the prison buses pulled up. But this prison bus wasn't just any prison bus. It had been turned into a camper prison bus van.

Philip 21:51

Surprise! I got you a camper prison bus van.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

You shouldn't have. Yeah.

Philip 21:58

And we're going to the Grand Canyon Bows. Y'all been saying your prayers every morning? Every morning. And tucking your beds in. Oh, your beds. Well, it's not a democracy. It's a prison. And I already decided. So come on, everybody. Hop on the board. Oh, wait a minute. Harry and Larry, I heard about your little escapade in the laundry the other day. You're not going anywhere. All right, everybody else, get them on the bus. Limbo can.

SPEAKER_15 22:38

Hey, Dad, can I go?

Philip 22:40

Well, Cindy, what are you doing here? I finished all of my homework and everybody put your shirts back on. Everybody put your shirts back on right now. Put them back on. All right, all right, Cindy, what were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_14 22:55

Uh I finished all of my homework. All my projects are done. I studied for all of my exams and I'm Okay, good.

Philip 23:02

You should be doing that anyway.

SPEAKER_15 23:03

Okay, but I also I also just I want to spend some quality time with you, Dad. Can I please go on the prison spring break trip? Please?

Philip 23:14

Well.

SPEAKER_14 23:15

I'm 17.

Philip 23:16

Now that I feel like my credentials as a father being called into it, I suppose.

SPEAKER_14 23:22

Hi, Call Topunk.

Philip 23:26

All right. Well, let's all get into the prison camp of man.

SPEAKER_15 23:31

We all started craw crawling, climbing, and walking. Mr. Warden. Mr.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Warden, is there anything Larry and Harry and we can't do to come on this trip?

Philip 23:41

Uh, sorry, I can't hear you over the very powerful engine. Goodbye, boys.

SPEAKER_15 23:49

And the van took off with all of the prisoners except for Harry and Larry, leaving them there with just the two of them and Gertie and Lucky.

SPEAKER_13 24:03

This stinks.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Yeah. What do we do to pass a time on our spring break?

SPEAKER_13 24:09

It just didn't we're we're just us two and maybe a couple other people in an empty prison. I hate this.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

This sucks.

SPEAKER_13 24:15

How are we supposed to escape with some with some waiting?

SPEAKER_02 24:18

There's nobody else here. There's no one's here. There's no elder. How the heck should we escape?

SPEAKER_13 24:23

I got an idea. What? Oh, you got your face on. Your idea face. Why don't while while the prison's mostly empty, we could take we can use that to escape.

Philip 24:33

Oh! Harry and Or Larry, even they weren't sure who was who had a great idea.

SPEAKER_13 24:41

Okay. We'll use one of our p all we need to do is get out of the cell, and then I think we can just walk outside the door.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Seems easy. I don't think they locked it when they left.

Philip 24:49

Right, that would be a fire. It was one of the more straightforward escape ideas they had had thus far.

SPEAKER_09 24:56

Hey, look, hey, look! Hey, look! The the our cell is unlocked. What?

SPEAKER_13 25:03

What? I'm gonna open the bars. Oh Wow, okay. Yeah. There we go. Okay. Great hinges. Nice. Okay, let's walk down this hallway.

Philip 25:13

It was so simple. Maybe too simple?

SPEAKER_02 25:17

Hmm. It's kind of quiet. Uh let me see if my voice echoes. Okay. Alright, one second. Here we go. Hello.

unknown 25:26

Hello. Hello.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

It echoed! How'd you know? I don't know. I don't know. I just wanted I've always wanted to go.

Philip 25:33

But then a voice seemingly from beyond answered. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Oh! Oh!

SPEAKER_13 25:40

Who's that? Oh, hey, we were alone here.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Yeah. What how am I? Yeah, that was a nice question.

SPEAKER_13 25:48

What?

SPEAKER_02 25:49

I guess, like, how am I?

SPEAKER_13 25:50

You're not.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

How am I? How are you?

SPEAKER_13 25:54

Yeah, I guess, you know, I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

No one's asked me that in a while.

SPEAKER_13 25:58

Yeah, maybe I'm like a little bit kind of getting over the sadness of being left behind, but also excited that maybe this plan's gonna be the plan that finally gets us out of here. Yeah, there's a lot of feelings going on.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Yeah, and we don't have time to get into the childhood.

SPEAKER_13 26:10

No, yeah, that's complicated. It does sound like there are some deeper issues.

SPEAKER_15 26:15

What are you two doing out here in the hallway? I I was just going and reshelving all the books and cleaning the library, and you two are supposed to be in your cell.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Oh isn't isn't isn't this all one big cell when no one else is here? When you think about it?

SPEAKER_13 26:34

Yeah, isn't it isn't just the the concept of the prison, once you kind of think about it, anything can be the bars. You know, and there's not other people that we you have to keep us from.

SPEAKER_15 26:44

You two are so amazing. You've learned so much in my creative workshop.

Philip 26:49

It was almost like she could read their minds.

SPEAKER_15 26:54

Well, the thing is, I think you two are my best pupils, and I would tell you that um if you walk down this hallway and to the left, there might be another door that you could open.

SPEAKER_13 27:08

That'd be a fantastic tenouement to my time in prison.

SPEAKER_15 27:11

Yes. Well, I'm going to go and see if I can find someone else to talk to while you go down the hallway and to the left.

unknown 27:22

Okay. Thank you.

SPEAKER_15 27:24

Thank you. You're welcome.

Philip 27:26

And just like that, she was gone. Wow. And the hallway seemed to stretch out before them, each step echoing through the empty prison.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Is it me or did the lighting change a bit?

SPEAKER_13 27:38

Yeah. And isn't it kind of just didn't the temperature change a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 27:42

A little bit.

Philip 27:43

Were they walking towards freedom or were they walking towards something sinister?

SPEAKER_15 27:50

Meanwhile, on the bus.

Joe 27:55

Alright, alright. You quiet down, you crazy kids. Uh uh, is this seat taken?

SPEAKER_15 28:05

Uh no, it's not.

Philip 28:07

Uh no, I was talking about this seat.

SPEAKER_15 28:09

No, you can sit beside me if you want to.

Philip 28:12

Uh, alright.

SPEAKER_15 28:12

My dad said it was okay for me to sit beside a prisoner.

Joe 28:15

Sit down. Everybody needs to sit down when you're on the bus. Yes.

Philip 28:20

Okay, well, yeah, we'll just share this little bench between the three of us then. That that's good.

SPEAKER_15 28:26

Do you mind if I sit in the middle?

Philip 28:29

Uh I'm deciding. Yeah, I think I'm okay with it.

SPEAKER_15 28:40

Alright.

Philip 28:41

How long have you been in prison, son? Uh, about a month. Okay, checks out. Oh, it sure is hot on this bus. I don't think it has any air condition. Has air conditioning been haunted yet? No.

Joe 28:58

That explains it. Yep, we have a big ice block with a fan on it in the front of the bus.

SPEAKER_15 29:05

You know what? I do have my bathing suit underneath this silk blouse. Let me just uh unbutton it just a little bit. Oh, it's so hot in here.

Philip 29:19

That one was me, sorry. Well, uh I can't wait to get to the Grand Canyon and ride a donkey.

SPEAKER_15 29:29

Me too.

Joe 29:35

I'm gonna find a different place to sit.

Philip 29:37

No, please, please, please don't get up, don't get up. Uh we'll see you later.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

Yeah.

Philip 29:43

Well we're having a lovely little chat.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_15 29:45

Oh hey. So my dad is all the way at the front, and we're all the way at the back.

Philip 29:57

Yes. Surrounded by inmates.

SPEAKER_15 30:00

Yeah. Um, so what kind of food do you like when you're not at the prison?

Philip 30:08

Oh, when I'm not at the prison.

SPEAKER_15 30:09

Yes. Uh, well, kippas, bangers and mash, mum's pudding? I've never had any of that. Maybe you can introduce me to your mom once you're set free from this prison.

Philip 30:23

Uh I don't think you'd like that, actually. What do you mean? Well, I've had a rather rough upbringing, hence the incarceration.

SPEAKER_15 30:33

Oh. Well, I don't care. I like a little bit of a bad boy.

Philip 30:42

Well, you know, but also I get cong grades and uh, you know, it's just jaywalking that I got put in for, wasn't it? That they got me with.

SPEAKER_15 30:50

Yeah. Um so uh when we get to the Grand Canyon, um, I was just wondering, um, do you think we could watch the stars together?

Philip 31:03

What should do what?

SPEAKER_15 31:06

Just be in the sky. Oh. Maybe we'll see a shooting star and we can wish upon it. Oh. Yeah.

Crash Chaos And Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_02 31:15

All of a sudden the tire on the camper van goes out. They crash into each other. Mary and the tiny tummy and married for their one tile. Oh everybody's clothes have fallen off.

Philip 31:39

Oh my!

SPEAKER_10 31:45

Keep your hands going for the improvised golden age of radio players! That was the conclusion of act two. In a moment we shall return with act three, but first, a message from our sponsors. Cost of your cave dwelling got you down? Are you losing your limited square footage to that age-old enemy of the modern homeowner? Erosion. That's right, you've heard the fading Doppler effect as your up your neighbors' screams as their homes dissolve beneath their feet. You stared in dismay as your fire group fell to earth with utter disregard to your warmth and convenience. But have no fear. The same developers that have brought you Grand Canyon Caves brings you a brand new concept in modern real estate. Deep dirt holes. Deep dirt holes will protect you from lateral above-ground threats. And during rainy season, you'll have all the mud you can eat. From the makers of Grand Canyon Caves, deep dirt holes. Deep dirt holes, it's the best in modern hole technology. Now put your hands together for act three of prison spring bray.

SPEAKER_13 33:27

I wish I could have a dum-dumb, but I got that dumb Terry, he stabbed me in the face, and then I can't eat a single salad thing for a while. Oh, that's too bad. I can't believe it. He's such a nice guy, but then he came up to me during breakfast. I was so excited to be eating my bagel and he stabbed me right through the cheek. Yeah, that happens. That happens.

SPEAKER_15 33:49

Hey, that pot's kind of smoking. What's going on over there? Yeah, I'm making a triple lollipop today. Triple lollipop? Where's the stick go?

SPEAKER_13 33:59

What? Where's the stick go? Where does the stick go? Where's the stick go? Where is it going? I don't know. You got a triple lollipop? Where does the stick go?

SPEAKER_15 34:10

I don't know where the stick goes. Where do you think the stick goes?

SPEAKER_13 34:13

Gosh, I don't know. How do you do a triple lollipop? Maybe one goes up and maybe one goes like this, and maybe one goes like this.

SPEAKER_15 34:21

Scoot just a little bit further back and I'll show you where it goes. I'm getting close to this cauldron. I know.

SPEAKER_13 34:28

Okay, I'll keep doing it. Okay. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, I'm falling in the cauldron. Oh, it's hot. Oh, I'm getting boiled alive. Oh gosh! Oh my ass, it's just leaving my body. Breathe!

Philip 34:41

Fill the little room. This little den of evil in the heart of the prison next to the laundry chute.

SPEAKER_15 34:50

Oh, I see two more coming down the hallway.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Okay, I think it's this way, Larry.

SPEAKER_13 34:56

Yeah, so yeah, I guess this is where we were supposed to Hey.

SPEAKER_15 35:02

Pretty good. How are you? What? You're not on the trip! No, how did you uh find this place?

SPEAKER_02 35:09

You were given explicit directions from who? The librarian. You know, the really really nice one who wants us to talk about our feelings all the time.

SPEAKER_13 35:18

She gave us context for how to leave the prison.

SPEAKER_15 35:22

Oh, yeah, there is a way to leave the prison.

SPEAKER_13 35:25

Oh, yeah, that's what we want to do.

SPEAKER_15 35:27

Yeah, take a couple steps backwards. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Okay, Lollipop, hey, I trust you, Lollipop. Yeah, we trust.

SPEAKER_15 35:33

Wait a second, what? Which what'd you say?

SPEAKER_02 35:37

Yeah, we trust you. You shared a lot of we shared a lot of stuff together. Yeah.

Philip 35:42

Just then they noticed a model of a camper van prison bus sitting on the floor, broken into hundreds of pieces.

SPEAKER_13 35:53

Is that a model of a camper van prison bus broken into a bunch of pieces on the floor?

SPEAKER_02 36:00

It looks exactly like the one all of our friends got into.

SPEAKER_13 36:04

It is. That seems like it's uh uh some sort of uh a heart with with mystic writing on it around the the uh a doll that looks like the warden's daughter. What?

SPEAKER_15 36:16

Well well uh yes, that's what it is, but it has nothing to do with what's happening.

SPEAKER_13 36:23

What I mean we trust you that's all you gotta say. Yeah, okay, we're gonna take our two steps back. Alright.

SPEAKER_15 36:34

Okay, no, no, don't take two steps back.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

Okay, take two steps forward for a hug.

SPEAKER_15 36:39

I don't hug. That's against the rules.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

You need a hug. You need a larry hairy hug.

SPEAKER_15 36:45

Alright, here we go.

Philip 36:46

One, two, as their bodies came together over the bubbling cauldron, something was happening! Their minds, they could see into each other's minds. It was freaky.

SPEAKER_15 37:08

I have mind control over both of you right now. You have mind control over both of us right now. I agree.

SPEAKER_09 37:16

Yeah, I consent.

SPEAKER_15 37:18

And you will go back, and you will find the librarian, and you will find the warden's daughter and bring them back to me.

SPEAKER_13 37:28

Okay, I'm gonna go back and hey, wait, should we go back and find the librarian, then maybe the warden's daughter, and bring it back to Lollipop?

SPEAKER_07 37:34

That's a good idea!

SPEAKER_13 37:35

Yeah, hey, sorry, hey, wait, Lollipop, we're gonna go find the warden's daughter and the librarian, and we're gonna bring it back to you. Or you could walk through that door.

SPEAKER_07 37:45

Wait, what?

SPEAKER_15 37:46

With there an or you have a choice.

SPEAKER_13 37:50

We have a choice Okay. We have any choices!

SPEAKER_15 37:56

It's your choice. You either help me or you walk out that door.

SPEAKER_06 38:02

Oh! Walk out that door! Oh freedom.

SPEAKER_13 38:05

Freedom or one task.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Oh I do like a I do like a good checklist where I can check stuff on.

Philip 38:14

Yeah, it's uh you get such a sense of satisfaction for meanwhile on the side of a highway, a broken camper bus, prison van, and bodies, many, many bodies.

SPEAKER_13 38:30

Oh gosh, oh, where's my clothes?

Joe 38:34

Misty, you're my favorite donkey. And we're gonna save these people together. Oh, oh gosh. We're gonna we're gonna carry them to safety, misty. You're the best donkey in the world. Yes, yes. Do you hear their cries, Misty? Help me, help me! I uh I think I broke something. You're gonna be a hero. I love you so much.

SPEAKER_13 39:10

As if my clothes disappeared. What the what this was even going on?

SPEAKER_05 39:14

Hey there! Make it people. Do you need helping? Yeah!

SPEAKER_15 39:24

Clothes! And this mysterious man picked them up and placed him on a donkey.

Joe 39:31

How's about one strong donkey? How's about a seraphane? Drape this right over you. Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah, it's a little scratchy.

Philip 39:44

Now see here, see here, I'm the I'm the warden here. I'm the warden of this prison bus camper van, and I demand to know what what who are you and and what can you do for my poor boys?

Joe 39:58

Well, I'm just a lowly Grand Canyon tour guide. And I brought my donkey here. We're gonna help you. You're gonna be safe. That's right, Missy.

Philip 40:16

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't trust you, Grand Canyon Guide.

Joe 40:24

I'll give you three big reasons. Yolul. Oh, it usually echoes when I'm near the Grand Canyon. All right, how about this? Okay, all right.

Philip 40:39

Answer me this riddle. Sorry, then I'll get on your donkey with all of my poor nude broken boys.

Joe 40:53

Alright, you ready? You ready for this riddle? For a riddle? I'm the best riddle answer in three states. Well, I'm one of the best riddle makers you've ever heard of.

Philip 41:04

Okay. Alright. Now, what is it that's really, really great? And it's also a big hole in the ground.

Joe 41:22

You've got you bring that timer with a little bit of a little bit more. Yes, you've got five minutes. Okay, okay, five minutes. Okay, good, okay, all right. Cause I got some diagrams to make.

SPEAKER_06 41:33

Let's see here.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

Four minutes and 50 seconds later.

Philip 41:37

The Grand Canyon! Ah man, I shouldn't have given you so much time. Five minutes was way too much. Yes, you got it. Okay. Wait, why am I upset? You're gonna climb on! Alright, boys. This here donkey is our road to salvation. Climb upon it as you would an angel's wing.

Joe 41:59

There's only one thing you have to keep in mind. You have to stay very quiet. Okay. Okay.

unknown 42:09

Shh.

Philip 42:10

Come on, boys. Yes.

Lollipop’s Backstory And Lonely Hug

SPEAKER_15 42:12

Meanwhile, back in the bottom of the prison. What do you mean they're on the back of a donkey? This is not what was supposed to happen.

Philip 42:26

I saw them. They're on the back of a donkey, Mistress Lollipop.

SPEAKER_15 42:30

No, they're not supposed to be on the back of a donkey. They're supposed to be dead! So I could take over this prison myself! Yes, and then I would get to come out of the shadows and rule beside you. That's right.

Joe 42:45

Lollipop's henchman Gumball was excited for the day. That he would come out of the shadows.

SPEAKER_15 42:51

I feel an excitement dance coming on. There were only two left behind, and I thought if I got him down here and gave him the choice of doing something for me or picking freedom, they would have picked freedom, and that would have just gotten rid of them. But instead they picked to do something for me.

SPEAKER_11 43:09

Mistress, why are you so evil? Because I was once in love.

Joe 43:20

Way back to those days long ago in New Orleans.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Buy you a drink.

SPEAKER_11 43:29

Why, sure.

SPEAKER_15 43:32

Here you go. And that was it! I drank one drink and then I couldn't find her again. Can't believe it.

Joe 43:41

Oh, it was a painful memory and obviously took a lot out of Lollipop telling.

SPEAKER_15 43:45

And then after that, it was just a series of bad decisions that led me to here. And I don't want to go.

Joe 43:51

I'd love to hear about those as well. Sure. Lollipop cast his memory back again. Back, way back.

SPEAKER_13 44:00

Okay, um it's all on you to decide. Do you want uh this uh box of money or do you want the mystery box? The mystery box! Oh yeah, the mystery box! Alright, just reach your hand in there. Okay, pick the scorpion!

SPEAKER_15 44:20

Oh, Mistress, I didn't know you were on a game show. That's very exciting. Yes, but then I picked the scorpion. Oh, you went mystery box? Yes.

Philip 44:28

Oh, never go mystery box. Why would you go mystery box? That's oh, that's such a rookie mistake! Did you ever watch the show before? No. Oh, you should have watched it before you went on!

SPEAKER_11 44:39

But that wasn't the worst mistake I made.

SPEAKER_02 44:42

We need one more person for this bank robbery, and you look perfect for it.

SPEAKER_11 44:47

I'll do it all by myself.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

But we get all the money!

SPEAKER_11 44:52

Yes! Thank you! You're welcome.

Philip 44:56

Oh, mistress. Oh, that I think that was the worst decision of all of them.

SPEAKER_11 45:00

Yeah.

Philip 45:01

You robbed the bank by yourself and then gave them all the money? And it doesn't even make any sense!

SPEAKER_15 45:07

I know. But that's what landed me in this place! Mistress!

Philip 45:12

Maybe this is a little forward of me as a shadow gremlin henchman. But do you need a hug?

SPEAKER_11 45:24

I've never had a hug before. Well, we could try it. How do I do it? Explain it in great detail.

Philip 45:33

Well, I'm just a little shadow gremlin demon, but I think you take your arms like this. Like this. Like this, and then you put them around the person you claim to care about. And you you uh oh. Oh lollipop.

SPEAKER_11 45:54

It's okay. Don't you leave me to It's okay! Don't you buy me a drink and walk away. I think I hear someone calling me from outside that door. That hug was a terrible decision. This place was.

SPEAKER_03 46:11

Once again, Lollipop was alone. Alone with his thoughts.

SPEAKER_11 46:19

Oh by myself. I just wanna be oh by myself.

Love Wins Curtain Call And Plugs

Philip 46:30

Oh, Lollipop!

SPEAKER_15 46:33

It's you! Hey, how did you get back here? You're supposed to die in a gruesome bus crash! No!

Philip 46:40

In fact, I met the love of my life in that bus crash. We're gonna get married as soon as we're done with school. You see? I wouldn't let any love in my art. But then, in that giant nude catastrophe, I thought, what the hell? I might as well just go along with it. And now, I've never been happier. So I just wanted to come and thank you.

SPEAKER_11 47:04

Wait, you gave up on love and then still found love?

Philip 47:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 47:10

So that could happen for me?

Philip 47:13

Shift over. I'm getting out. You know, I was just in for jaywalking, so. Goodbye, Lip!

SPEAKER_07 47:19

Goodbye!

SPEAKER_10 47:22

Keep your hands going for the Imperial's golden name radio players! That was Prison Spring Break. Keep your hands going for Ed Zack in the back all night. Bring the sounds of the future into the past. Once more for your players, Joe Hartenstein, Ashley Whitehurst, Shelby Burton, Thomas Kelly, Philip Amler, and on the full, we've got Chuck Cotterman and Kaylin Schneider. I've been your host, Eric Peterson. Folks, life is hard and you've done nothing about it. You've lost your cave to the wind and your hole to a pack of rodents. It seems all is lost, but remember to look into our own modern mausoleum apartments. Share your home with the quietest roommates you'll ever have. That's been our show We did it! We fixed America's prison system. And all it took was a young British fellow with a slide whistle for a boner. Tonight's cast featured Joe Hartenstein as the opening narrator. Lucky Loomis the Laundroman and the Busman. Thomas Kelly brought emotional depth and comedic layers to Larry. Ashley Whitehurst depthly brought heart and penetrating truth to Harry. Shelby Burton played a prison worker named Lollipop and Cindy Winterson and The Mystic Woman. Philip Ambler played Warren Derek Winterson and Small Terry Too. Thanks for listening. Check us out on improviseradio.com and jump come see us at the Yes Ann Improv Festival in June. In Ann Arbor, Michigan. Please like and subscribe anywhere you get podcasts.