Talk to Me Nice: Building Trust Through Feedback, Acknowledgment & Follow-Through

In this episode of the Coaching Book Club Podcast, Christy Stuber and Ken McKellar explore Talk to Me Nice by Minda Harts — a powerful book on building trust in professional relationships.

If coaching is built on trust, then this conversation is foundational.

Minda Harts introduces the concept of seven trust languages, giving structure and clarity to something that often feels intuitive or abstract. Together, Christy and Ken unpack how three of those languages — feedback, acknowledgment, and follow-through — show up in coaching relationships and why they matter more than we might realize.

In this episode, we explore:
• How expectation gaps quietly erode trust
• Why acknowledgment isn’t cheerleading — and what it is instead
• How follow-through builds trust not only with clients, but within ourselves
• Questions you can ask to intentionally cultivate trust from day one

If you’ve ever wondered:
“What does trust actually look like in my coaching practice?”
This episode will give you language — and tools — to strengthen it.

📘 Get the book: Talk to Me Nice
📘 Coaching Book Club Guide + CCEs

Transcript

Christy Stuber 0:11

Welcome to the Coaching Book Club podcast, the show that empowers coaches through books. I'm Christy Stuber here with my friend and co-host Ken McKeller, and today we're talking about Talk to Me Nice by Minda Harts. A book that, for me felt like a bridge between the environments we create as leaders and the relationships we build as coaches. It's all about trust, and if you're a coach, you already know how central trust is to the work we do. And here's what you can expect in this episode. First, we'll start with a quick overview of the book. Next, we'll break down three key takeaways that stood out to us. And finally we'll explore how these concepts connect to real world coaching challenges and help you build confidence, tackle imposter syndrome, and grow as a coach. Whether you've read this book before or are hearing about it for the first time, you'll leave with actionable tools to strengthen your skills. So let's get started. Hey Ken,

Ken McKellar 1:05

how you doing? Good to see you.

Christy Stuber 1:08

Good. I don't know if you know that's becoming a catchphrase for me. Hey. So what about this book mattered to you and your coaching practice?

Ken McKellar 1:18

Well, this book was all about trust. Um, like if this book was a competency, it would be competency for cultivating trust and safety, and I think trust. I think everything hinges. I think all the coaching relationship hinges on the cultivating of a trusting and safe experience.

Christy Stuber 1:51

Yeah. Minda takes something that is. A little amorphous, a little left to intuition and put words to it. Created these seven trust languages. Um, that for me, helped me think about which of those languages helped me feel trust. My relationships and which ones do I need to make sure I am speaking to my clients based on what they need to hear or how they want to hear or experience, trust. I have a lot of takeaways, so I'll start with you. What's a takeaway that you have from this book?

Ken McKellar 2:36

Well, like you just mentioned, the seven, you know, cord, um. Concepts or words outta the seven ILI like 'em all, but I love three of them.

Christy Stuber 2:52

Mm-hmm. Which ones?

Ken McKellar 2:54

Feedback?

Christy Stuber 2:55

Mm-hmm.

Ken McKellar 2:56

Acknowledgement and follow through. Ooh. And the reason why I like this and the coaching relationship is I think that's what a coaching relationship is, opportunity for feedback for either the. A coach to provide some sort of feedback, but particularly for the client to have the opportunity to give feedback to themselves based off of what they're uncovering. Acknowledgement. I think we step over acknowledgement a lot in terms that when we have the opportunity just to acknowledge that something exists that is there, or something that we wanna do, that we wanna change. That's the first chess piece off the board. Um, in, in terms of acknowledging, Hey, I wanna do this. Or even on the back end of that, acknowledging that something happened or that movement is taking place, and then follow through that, that's that competency eight, you know, facilitating client growth is the follow through of. Concept making it happen.

Christy Stuber 4:13

Yeah. And we could talk about each one of these in great detail. Um, I'll start with feedback. You know, she describes a loop, active listening, mutual respect and revisiting. And I think that's what you're talking about as well. Like those For me it's says check-ins we do during coaching. So you know, how are we doing? Are you where you wanna be? Those kinds of questions. But even bigger was the expectation gap that she mentions. Um, and she mentioned the concept of when you're onboarding in a new role, so in the reality of the role doesn't match what the recruiter told you it would be. And this reminded me of cultivating coachability by Claire Norman. You know that? Where is there an expectation gap, perhaps with our clients coming in to the coaching engagement and what is our responsibility, which I think is very clear. Our responsibility is to be clear about what coaching is and isn't what our role is in the client's journey, and how that aligns with what the client was expecting. You know, I know a lot of times when I'm meeting a new client, one that's I've been matched with perhaps on a platform. We will have our initial conversation. I'll talk about how I think coaching works or in my way, I think about it and then I'll always ask, how does this align with what you were expecting? Because that's the opportunity to explore that, that expectation gap. Because a lot of people will say, oh, I thought it was gonna be more like mentoring, or I thought it was gonna be more like, and then we can talk about that. Okay, so let's talk about that and what you were expecting and where there is overlap and where there might not be. Um. And just, I know in my own experience, I've joined things and had different expect expectation coming in based on assumptions that I was making. And then when it didn't meet my expectation, the amount of trust that was dropped, um, and the possibility of trust being restored. If there are then frequent open feedback loops. And I think I promised you I was gonna talk about Mike Tomlin today, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach, who recently stepped down. Um. I've been reading a lot of articles about his players or by his players about what they've experienced with him and his leadership. And one of the things that comes up over and over again with different players is how he would always be checking in with them. And it was never like, oh, how are you? How was your weekend? But it was, how's your kid? Do you like your new car? What's going on with your knee? You know, that pass looked really great today. But just that con, constantly knowing his players and checking in with them and how that developed the trust and respect that they then had for him as their leader. So I just said a lot about feedback. I wanna pause there to see if you have any thing you wanna add before I go to acknowledgement.

Ken McKellar 7:10

No, I love that. I mean, it reminds me of Tina Turner's song. Trust. Got to do what it gotta do with it. What? That was in the name of this. Love gotta do trust,

Christy Stuber 7:27

thinks love do with it. But I so convinced by performance into,

Ken McKellar 7:33

yeah, no, I do think that like trust starts to. State communication, decision making leadership. I mean, it starts to shape the relationship, so I enjoyed what you just articulated thoroughly.

Christy Stuber 7:54

Hmm. Well, thank you. Then I'm gonna move on to acknowledgement because. As you said when we started, this book is all about competency for, it's all about trust and safety, except I'm gonna pull in competency 8.08 right here. Coaches should acknowledge client progress and success. Um, so Minda Harts talks about importance of acknowledging people's progress as a way of, um, creating trust, and I agree. As I was thinking about this in terms of the coaching engagement, I was thinking how we do it matters, right? So some people love a big celebration, some want a small nod of like, I can see you're moving forward. And so for me, I took away, um, even asking, how do you like to be acknowledged? How do you want to be acknowledged? Also, being careful that I'm not doing the cheerleading. Good job you, but it's about the progress and it's concrete. Um, we know that aligns with the competency, but more importantly, what is the client's trust language around acknowledgement and recognizing it's not performance. It's not that that cheer, it's about resonance in the relationship and, um, being respectful for how the person wants to receive acknowledgement and offering it to them in that way.

Ken McKellar 9:19

Gary Chapman, he wrote a whole book about that, the Five Love Languages.

Christy Stuber 9:24

Mm-hmm.

Ken McKellar 9:24

Really articulating how people like to be acknowledged. He also wrote another book called, um, around Appreciation. Right? Mm. He The Five Love Languages and talks about it in a way of appreciation for how people like to be. I appreciate. So it goes back to Tina Turner,

Christy Stuber 9:44

and then the last one you said is follow through. And I also, this is one of my level, one of my trust languages for sure. You know, she writes, keeping Your Word at work lays a foundation for genuine trusting relationships with others in oneself. And I was trying to think, well, how does this look in coaching? And I think this looks like as coaches doing what we said we'd do when we said we'd do it. So it might be sending a resource. Might be showing up on time. Um, it might be even the whole onboarding and the coaching engagement. So I, I was thinking about what's the question I can be asking myself? And it, I think for me is like, am I clearly articulating what others could expect from me and am I following through on that? And if not, um. How do I know? And maybe that's through opening up feedback, going back to the last trust language for my clients to share.

Ken McKellar 10:49

The other piece to that is, are the clients articulating what they're gonna follow through on? Hmm. Um, you know, I mean, 'cause you know, they're like, Hey, I wanna do X, Y, and z. We never talk about, you know, that who can support you? What are gonna be some of your barriers there, right? So that you can really explore that next step or that action in a way that you can be as close to successful before hanging up this call as possible. Yes.

Christy Stuber 11:30

Oh, that's so good. Right? So how can we set up our clients for success? Help our clients set themselves up for success in their follow through so that they can develop more trust in themself and their capabilities.

Ken McKellar 11:47

Right?

Christy Stuber 11:48

That's why you're the MCC. Look at you.

Ken McKellar 11:53

Tina Turner, baby. What?

Christy Stuber 11:56

Alright, Tina Turner. So what are you gonna be applying into your own coaching practice?

Ken McKellar 12:01

That acknowledgement piece. Um. You know, I wanna take a look at that because, you know, recently, September, you know, the competencies changed a little bit for the International Coaches Federation, and I just want a glimpse at that, um, acknowledgement piece, because you're right, it's not about cheerleading, right. Really, as I sit here right now, it's the client really acknowledging themselves. Mm-hmm. Because they're doing the work, right. Acknowledging themselves for what they've done and what they're about to do. So me saying, good job, you can win, Jesse. Right. I, I, I, I think that, I wanna pull back from that, um, and then just inquire how do you want to acknowledge yourself? For the work you did in the session today?

Christy Stuber 12:59

Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, good question. It connects a bit to what I want to remember to do in my, um, coaching practice, which is asking, at the start of engagement, what does a trusting relationship look like to you? Mm. As a way of learning about. Probably not giving them these trust languages, but learning, oh, this is what trust looks like to me. Um, and maybe in there there's a way to even ask about what does acknowledgement look like? What does feedback look like? You can explore some of these if you want to. So you're showing vulnerability. You're also getting feedback, and you can more likely meet them with what they need to create that trust between you.

Ken McKellar 13:50

You know, one of the things that I like about this book is the stories that she, she told. Mm-hmm. I mean, she related to a lot of stuff related to corporate America, but she told a really funny one. Right. I thought it was funny where God was the CEO and you know, he hired, uh uh. And then E Eve rung his wife in. Little nepotism going on there, had to run and you had this dis employee over on the side, you know, the snake, you know, but I, I thought, I thought that was, uh, I thought that was good. Um, read the book folks. I know you're over there saying, what's Ken talking about? That's not even funny. Read the book.

Christy Stuber 14:40

Read

Ken McKellar 14:40

the book. You'll Google

Christy Stuber 14:42

good book. It'll help, I'll help close the loop on that. Um, and I think that's gonna wrap up our discussion for today. So we've covered powerful insights from Talk to Me. Nice. From the human side of trust to the seven trust languages, to how we can build stronger, safer coaching relationships by being intentional, transparent, and aligned. We hope these takeaways have sparked new ideas for your practice. And inspired you to dig deeper into this incredible resource. Thanks for spending your time with us today. Your commitment to learning and growth is what this podcast is all about. And if you enjoy today's episode, make sure to subscribe to the Coaching Book Club on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode. And in the show notes, you'll find a link to the book guide for the book so you can earn CCEs while you read. We'd also love to connect with you on LinkedIn, follow us for more coaching insights and updates about upcoming episodes, and we're always in the lookout for new books to review. If you've got a favorite that's made an impact on you, send us a message. It might be featured in a future episode. Thanks for being part of our community. And until next time, happy coaching.