For Heaven's Sake
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For Heaven's Sake
Cole Dempsey | The Sons & The Daughters | Episode 48
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In this powerful episode of The Sons & The Daughters, we sit down with Cole Dempsey and discuss the tension between performance and purpose, the impact of healing from past wounds, and how understanding your identity can completely transform the way you lead, live, and influence others. This conversation goes beyond surface-level motivation, it’s about breaking cycles, stepping into freedom, and realizing the generational impact of who you choose to become.
I've always said this like uh I encourage if anybody's like everybody not just walking like that. I I definitely encourage like go find people that like dealt with it, come out on the other side of it. Yeah. Because I definitely think it helps. I mean no kind of issue is a fun club to be in.
SPEAKER_05Right, right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I think when you have like those people that are like, hey, I get you this helped me, or I get you like let's go talk about it or whatever, I think it it means a lot more.
SPEAKER_06Hi everyone, and welcome to this episode of For Heaven's Sake. Today we have with us Mr. Cole Dempsey. If you've been around for a little bit, if you've listened to some of our other um podcasts, we have already met his wife, Miss McKenzie, who is fabulous. Um but tell us just a little bit about you and who you are.
SPEAKER_02Uh I'm Cole Dempsey, I'm a real estate agent. Um I feel like a lot of people know me as, oh, I'm McKenzie Oates' husband. So that's how I get a lot of people to uh say, oh, your face looks familiar. And I'm like, you probably saw a Facebook post and or they know me from price myself. So I feel like that's how a lot of people know me.
SPEAKER_06That's fine. But you know, getting into real estate, it's all about who you are in your brand. So how has that like transition been to like making a name for yourself?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, um you have to do that in real estate. You uh because you you are your own brand, pretty much. I mean, you have your brokerage or whatever, but you are for sure your own brand. So you kind of have to be uh meticulous and smart in how you post and the things you say and everything's like that. So um yeah, promoting that in different ways, it's different than a lot of things. Um and even with Kinzie, like she does it with like her hair kind of stuff too, like social media and stuff like that. So she'll have to give me social media tips all the time because she's like, don't do that. Yeah, she's like, Oh, well, this is a good time to post. I'm like, well, I already have it made. I have my graphic made. I can't just post it right now. And she's like, No, like it was no one, no one's on Facebook right now. Oh, and I'm like, okay.
SPEAKER_06She's a wise woman teaching you her way. She knows a lot.
SPEAKER_02I'll I'll give her credit where credit's due.
SPEAKER_06So just just start from where we feel like you feel the most comfortable. Um, and so kind of like your early teenage years.
SPEAKER_02I was, you know, I was going to church, uh, I was uh went to a private Christian school, different things like that. Um I definitely wouldn't say I was like fully saved at that point though. Um I think that I was definitely I I think at the time I really thought things were like real and stuff like that, but I don't think um, you know, I feel like whenever you're like fully saved, you have like a radical change and then you can see those fruits uh and different things like that. And so uh I don't think that hit until later on in life. Um but um I was playing baseball, um I played a little bit of college ball. Um Did you really? Yeah, I played at Spring Hill.
unknownI didn't know that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, um I played one year there. Um and it was so after my freshman year of college, um, it was the summer, so that was 2018, if I had my math right. Um that's when we found out about mom's uh cancer diagnosis.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so tell us a little bit about this for those who have zero idea who you are and all that.
SPEAKER_02So my mom, she uh taught at the school I went to. Um she was a teacher. Um and she was diagnosed that summer with stage three colon cancer, um, which was definitely like a I mean a full chain like whirlwind thing. I went through my hey, I've I I I dropped out of school. Mom didn't like that. But I was like, I'm done with school and I'm working, so I could kind of be around more because when you're playing ball, you can be on the like the road for an away game, and then I have no way to get home if something was needed to happen. So I was like, I'm gonna I'm done with school and I'm gonna get a job. And I did get the job, but um mom was very upset that I had quit school, so I took like some classes at a community college. Um just to appease her perfectly because she was pretty mad at me that I did that.
SPEAKER_06Um so um I remember her being like really like selfless, like she wouldn't have wanted you guys, like anything negative for you guys because of what she was going through.
SPEAKER_02And she was gonna have her way. That was how mom was. I mean, if she said it, you she was gonna, you know, you could take it to the bank and she was like, No, this is what you're gonna do now. And I was like, Oh, okay, never mind then. So that's that was my plans, I guess. That's funny. Um, but uh she um she battled cancer for three years, and in that three years, you have your ups and downs. You have, you know, um, you know, you have holidays spend hospitals or away or um different treatments that you know, you had she had her good days and her bad days, and that would, you know, same thing. And then I was working a full-time job, and then eventually I was doing full-time school as well. Um, so of course a lot going on.
SPEAKER_06So you have a younger sibling. How was you know, like trying to grow and like navigate your own life while also trying to be who you need to be for your sister?
SPEAKER_02I felt like uh our our kind of like dynamic I felt changed a little bit because there was a lot of times where I was like, I need to kind of be more responsible for her because uh mom would have to be going away sometimes for a cancer treatment, like out of town or out of state. And dad would go with her, of course. Um and so there's a lot of times where I was like, I gotta, I'm taking her to school, I'm gonna pick her up, I'm gonna do this. So um just trying to be there for her, because it was a weird time for her because she would have been in like uh late elementary middle school when all that kind of started. So um I feel like our relationship changed a little bit. Like we were still brother and sister. Like I'd I'd still drop Robert School and I'd blare music to make her embarrass, and like rolling on the day, she'd get real mad. Um, but that was just kind of I was like, you know, uh how I saw our relationship, I guess.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely. Um so like growing through that toward so from what I remember, your mom got better for a little while and then like talk to me about that.
SPEAKER_02So she again you had your option to house through those three years, but getting into um it would have been the summer of 2021, she was doing great, like the later part of the summer. And she uh actually the report that we got back was she had one small blip on her lung, and that was it, it was so small that they couldn't even operate it on. And she rang the bell like to commit like to enter treatments like that, and then like that the next month she just didn't start feeling, she started feeling kind of bad. And so they went back out. Um and the report was uh it's everywhere. It it is every single place, and she has a month to live. And that was that change. And so I feel like sometimes it's like yes, she did fight cancer for three years, but like it was literally the closest to the best report you can get, yeah, to one month later the worst, and then of course a month later she passed. So it was definitely a traumatic thing, I feel like, just to have that one extreme to the other. Yeah. Um and so she passed October 16th of 2021. And I remember for like holidays, like uh Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, I was okay. I didn't like have you know that kind of realization until it was New Year's and I went, oh wow, like this I'm never gonna have a year without mom with my mom again. And I remember that's kind of when I went off the deep end. And I think I didn't, I guess, like say like God's not real, but I was definitely mad at God because of the circumstances and how everything kind of went down. Um and I was like, nope, I'm done, and I'm mad. And so for a little while there, I was just I didn't care uh really about my life, I didn't care about whatever, I was, you know, probably partying it up or whatever. I mean, I just could care less because I was just just mad. Um but then it was it was months down the road and it kind of hit me, I was like, this is uh this is not what your mom would have wanted. Because mom, like, I've said it before to people like if you could like I guess scale Christianity, mom was at the top of the list. Like uh so she passed in 21. Well, Christmas of 2020, when I said, Hey mom, what do you want to get your Christmas? She wanted a new women's study bible and a notebook for it. And I was like, who asked for that for Christmas? And I got her that, and so for that whole year she journaled until she couldn't physically, you know, get out of bed or whatever. Um and so I was like, she did all that, and still, you know, through a cancer diagnosis, still, whenever uh, hey, you have one month to live up until I mean you like said she just couldn't get out of bed, she was still writing it and journaling it and reading the Bible. I was like, you know, that's such a disservice to her and her life and her own, I guess, testimony. So I was like, I need to I need to change. And so um I texted a friend, I was like, Hey, uh I need to come to church with you. And she was like, What? I was like, I don't know anyone at the at that time, I didn't know anyone because I'd cut off everybody that was like really like you know, telling me like, oh, you know, God has a plan like that. I was like, I don't want to do that. So uh I started going to church, uh, started getting involved. Um I know some people have different viewpoints about this, but I realized that with what I was dealing with on top of responsibilities at the home and having a full-time job and full-time school, I was like, I need to like mentally also talk to my so I put myself in therapy. Yeah, um, I like to.
SPEAKER_06I've we're firm believers in the city.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I know some people have like negative connotations to it, but um I think that helped me immensely too. Um, because even though this where I was getting it done at, uh, it wasn't like a Christian place. I do feel like yes, God can fully change you, but I feel like God can also put people in your life to help you with things. So I definitely think that, you know, I don't know if that therapist is a Christian or not, to be honest with you, but I think he was definitely put in for a reason.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely. So what do you feel like that you you know you said you kind of got back in church, but what was that like salvation encounter like for you?
SPEAKER_02Um, I think the first part is uh you do hear in church a lot is like, thank God for conviction, first off. I think that's a big thing. Um I was like, yeah, this is wild that I'm acting like this, especially with you know because a lot of people say like, oh well, this happened to you and so you shouldn't believe in God. I was like, well, like just the life that mom lived and like how like like knowing that you're gonna die and you're still like, hey, instead of being mad about it, I'm gonna still talk to my kids about God. I'm still gonna, you know, do what I what I do to defeat myself in the word. Um so I was like, I gotta change all that. And it was like uh it was a true radical change because it wasn't just like oh I need to go to church, it was I'm listening to a podcast, I'm going to um church events at uh south where I was at, um, you know, with uh they have a ransom uh there. And um I'm listening to music and with like therapy things, I was like, you know, I would go on walks or I'd do whatever, and so I'm you know listening to different um sermons or whatever. So it really was like a hey, like I gotta get plugged in because you know I I I I felt like that was uh honoring my mom too, you know. I mean, I'm doing it for my own salvation, of course. Yeah, but I was like, now I know mom would be proud of me, yeah, you know, doing this. And so I think that's uh was how it went. Um and so uh for a while I was turning my life around and doing that kind of stuff, um, and then um getting closer to when I was graduating from South, uh that's when I met Kinsey.
SPEAKER_06And how did that happen?
SPEAKER_02So um we met, so my sister was a uh trailmaid, and Kinzie was a JC for them.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_02And so they were already talking or whatever, and and they have a dress reveal party. And so um I had left work early. I had taken like a longer break, and I was going back to work after, but I went to her dress reveal party and there's Kinzie. And my sister ran back, she was like, Oh, and this is Kinzie. And I don't know if she told you anything different, but this is the truest way that it happens. I went I was like, hey, how are you? And she went and hugged me. And she like will deny that for some reason. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_06Okay, but we did it, we did get her her version, and we're getting your version.
SPEAKER_02And I don't know why there's two versions because I'm like, no, this is the way it happened, but um, yeah, she hugged me and I was like, why did the stranger just hug me or whatever? Um so of course, like stranger.
SPEAKER_06You you clearly was were not concerned about her being a stranger.
SPEAKER_02I mean, yeah, I guess not.
SPEAKER_06So then what happened from there?
SPEAKER_02Um so I'm I'm using my sister to like talk to her in a sense. And uh right. And uh my South graduation, we we I graduated on May 6th of 23. And so like I'm kind of like saying, telling my sister, like, yeah, tell her you know I'm graduating or stuff like that, or tell her I'm doing this. And we went on our first date on May 12th of that year.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um did she tell you about the date at all? Keep going. Okay, okay, because I was fully embarrassed about this. So I'm more like, hey, like, if I'm gonna like take her on a date, like I'm gonna pick her up, I'm gonna take her to dinner or something like that, or then we're gonna, you know, uh, or we go see a movie or something. Like, I was like more like, I guess like your traditional like first date type of thing. And I remember I texted her, I was like, hey, I'm gonna pick you up at 7:30, and then she was like, That's late. I was like, Well, do you like we can go to this restaurant downtown, we can go to this restaurant here? And she was like, I don't feel like going downtown. I don't feel like doing this, or doing that. And I was like, What do you want to do? And she was like, Well, I'm trying to put my TV together.
SPEAKER_06We didn't hear about that.
SPEAKER_02Okay. So I was like, You need do you need help putting your TV together, like the TV stand or whatever? And so I went to her condo to literally help set up a TV. That was our first date to set up her TV in her TV stand. She didn't have a screwdriver, and so we had to go to Lowe's. So our first date was to Lowe's to buy a screwdriver. Then we came to that.
SPEAKER_06I knew that she was gonna put you to work forever.
SPEAKER_02Right, right. Um, so we get done with that, and I was like, okay, do you want to go like out to eat? No, you know what I could really go for, Chick-fil-A. I was like, all right, we'll go to Chick-fil-A. We didn't go into Chick-fil-A, we went to Curbside Chick-fil-A and then took it back to her. Kind of, I was like, she's embarrassed of me. I was like, this is a terrible first day. I was like, that's what I thought. I was like, she doesn't want to be seen with me in public. Like, um, this is going terrible. Um and then we watched a movie and then we left, and then you know, I left, and that was it, and I was like, that was weird. And then um, but we had a second date. Um I helped her with a I think I helped her with a either a hair thing or a bunley more thing, like set up that she had an event going on. Um and at the time I was supposed to be going to live in Birmingham.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02We did hear this. Okay. I was uh going to get my master's at uh in Birmingham. Uh the field that I wanted to go into was uh in like a collegiate athletic department.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um I was interning at South there with an awesome, awesome guy um who uh I learned a ton from. And I was like, this is like my true passion. Um and so I really I was interning there, I knew where I wanted to go because in Birmingham there's a lot more opportunity for working in sports for like the front office side of things, I guess, or whatever, or um in an in some kind of department like that. Um and so anytime I even before Kenzie, like I'd went on a date with a girl or something like that, I'd be like, hey, like I'm leaving for Birmingham, like let's just call it. And so I was kind of like, you know, I'm leaving for Birmingham. Why am I taking this girl out, to be honest with you?
SPEAKER_06Like, what's the time?
SPEAKER_02And then I was like, no, we talked about like we were like very much as serious, even though we were early. I was like, hey, like, I think like we could commit to this. And so uh I thought I'd be gone to Birmingham a lot sooner than I did for the job that I was looking to get. Um I didn't end up going till uh October of that year. We're still dating. Um I did not like my job in Birmingham though, and we had gotten while I was there working, we had gotten engaged, and um she was like, Well, why don't you know you just move back and we'll figure it out? And so I did. I quit my job, moved back to Mobile, had no idea what I was gonna be doing. That's pretty much what it was.
SPEAKER_00I love it. I didn't really date growing up. I had one boyfriend in high school, and then I was just like, okay, I'm kind of over that for a little bit, and I focused on my career and the ministry, and then I was like, it's time to get back out there. So I was just having fun going on lots of dates with a lot of people. And um, I was like, okay, this season of my life is over, I'm gonna be on a boy break for a couple months and just uh figure out who I am again. Um, and the next week I so I was in Anzalea Trailmade, my senior year of high school. Okay, so I was volunteering with him and I met a girl and she said, I have a brother. And I said, Okay, I have a sister. And she was like, Okay, but I'm gonna like introduce you to my brother, and I was like, Okay. Um so nowadays they do like these extravagant parties to like show off their dresses. And so I showed up and everybody, it looks like a family reunion is happening. They're all in like their Sunday best, and I'm in athleisure. And so I walk up and I was like, Okay, Mary, I'm here, like your dress is beautiful. And she was like, Cole, come over here. And I'm just like very awkward person. And one thing about me is I'm not a hugger at all. And he walked over to me and I just like did a little side hug and I was like, Hey, and he was like, Hey, how are you? But now if you ask Cole the same thing, he's gonna be like, Oh yeah, she just like ran up to me and gave me this big hug, and it was love at first sight, and like he never let me go. Um so that's how I met Cole, and then we started dating, and he was like, Hey, I'm not looking for anything serious because I'm moving to Birmingham for my job. And I was like, little do you know you are looking for serious and you're not going to Birmingham. Um so he ended up moving to Birmingham to go to Sanford to get his master's and to work a job up there. And he was there, I think, for maybe six weeks. And he was like, I'm coming home. And I was like, Yes, you are. So um from the time we dated, got engaged, got married, it was eight or nine months. Oh wow. So yeah, one thing about me, everybody's like, she doesn't go on a second date. So once I went on the second date with Cole, everybody was like, Oh, yeah, this is it. Yeah. So um, and that was it. So we dated, we got engaged, he moved to Birmingham for six weeks, we rented an apartment, we had to buy out the apartment lease, and he moved back and we got married.
SPEAKER_02We got married, and as we got married, we saw how expensive weddings are because we uh we were like, Oh, we can get a wedding for this amount, and that like tripled, you know, because it's yeah, very quickly.
SPEAKER_06As soon as you say wedding, everything's like four times cost.
SPEAKER_02Right, right. And so then Kenzie's like, why don't we just start a rental business renting out all this product for weddings? I was like, I don't know if that's what I want to do, but I guess I got a concentration in entrepreneurship, so sure, let's use it. Yeah, I mean I can use yeah, so um we started that, and uh that was going really well until we had Price. Because um Price isn't uh I can't say he's a bad baby, yeah. He's a hard baby, a really hard baby. Um and his worst times were early in the morning, late at night, and with the rental business, that's what I'd be doing. Yeah, so um we ended up uh pivoting from that, and I was like, okay, like I could go back to looking at athletic departments or whatever, but the hours for that can be a lot.
SPEAKER_05A lot, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So because I mean I talked to some guys that were working and they'd be like, Yeah, well, we started setting up for this game at 8 a.m. Well, we have to take down after Force 2, so we wouldn't get home until 2 a.m. It's a long day. So I was like, even though like I never felt like it was work because I enjoyed every part of it. Um I was like, I knew I'd be away from they're trying to build a family. If you try to build a family, that'd be hard to do. So um we were talking and she was like, Well, what about real estate? Like, is that something you do and kind of you know, your schedule's flexible and you can do this? I was like, I don't know, I've never Or seen myself as that. So I was like, I guess we can, I guess we can do that. Yeah. And so I was very skeptical the whole time going through uh getting my license, like the schooling for it, all like I was very skeptical. Um, but um I slowly like enjoyed it because a lot of times like it's a it's a challenge. Each time someone's trying to get a house, it's like a challenge. And I've I enjoy that part. I enjoy like the negotiation part a lot too. I mean, I enjoy like showing a home and be like, oh, you have this feature and this feature, but it's like okay, I kind of like the nitty-gritty, like, okay, hey, let's iron this out so this person can get this home. So I I do enjoy it. Um it's like a different passion. Yes.
SPEAKER_06Um pivoting a little bit. Just pivoting a little bit. So but so what do you feel like in all of those different like you know, jumping from from thing to thing? Like you've been in a lot of different places in a lot of different scenarios. What do you feel like the Lord has taught you of in each of those different um like uh thinking about like grief with your mom and then like moving to you know building a family and like really being dependent on him to show you whatever the next open door is? Yeah, yeah. What do you think like he's taught you through those things?
SPEAKER_02I think I guess kind of like the first part uh about like grieving and stuff like that. Um I feel like uh on one of the episodes, Andrea kind of hit on it and loss a little bit. So every loss is different, yeah. And one thing that's like kind of almost like my life's mantra, I guess, in a way, is like you don't know until you know. So with like how she was saying, like it, you know, they didn't understand like her loss. It's nice for people's like sympathy or whatever, that's awesome. There really is. But I feel like it it means a lot more when somebody fully understands what you're going through. And I remember like when mom was diagnosed with cancer, you know, everybody's like coming out and saying things like that, which is again great. I'm not saying anything bad about that. But I had um there was one guy that sent me a direct message, and he he went to the same school I did, he was taught by my mom. He was definitely like one of mom's top five. I don't even think I was my mom's top five of students, but he definitely was, and she would make it known. And he had he had sent me a message uh and he was like, Hey, because his uh his parent had passed away from cancer and had gone through like before that of course, like went through like that same thing, and he said, Hey, I I I know what you're gonna through, and that meant so much more. And so I feel like I think sometimes having that like inclusion with people definitely helps. And so I do like I I've always said this, like uh I encourage if anybody's like ever dealing anything, not just lost me like that. Like, I don't I definitely encourage, like, go find people that have like dealt with it, come out on the other side of it, of course. Because I definitely think it helps. I mean, no kind of issue is a fun club to be in.
SPEAKER_05Right, right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I think when you have like those people that are like, hey, I get you this helped me, or I get you like let's go talk about it or whatever. I think it it means a lot more than uh that individual. Um, so I think that's taught me that in a way, uh or uh dealing with things. Um and I'd say uh going to like pivoting around. Um, it's like when we pray every night, I say, God lead us where you want us to be. And I that's a very genuine like thing I try to my best to be genuine about and say because I'm like, you know, I have we've we've jumped around and we've done this, and we have a son now, and it's like, are we gonna have another one? I don't know. Like he's tough. But um, I think it's just being uh willing to what God has for you, you know, and what God wants for you um and his plan, and you're just you just gotta be uh do your best to hear from him and I think that's that's what I've learned.
SPEAKER_06Walk through the open doors, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_06Absolutely. Do you have any final thoughts, final words?
SPEAKER_02Um, I don't know. Um let's see. Uh huh.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you're good. All right. Well, thank you guys for joining us on this episode of For Heaven's Sake.