Professional Weirdo Podcast

Where I research strange stories and tell them to you. Because, let’s face it, I’m gonna research this anyway and blurt it to someone, might as well be a willing audience. Some of these stories might get dark, morbid, murdery…. so listener discretion is advised.

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Professional Weirdo Podcast

Episode 17 - Deep Roots

March 15, 2026 • Anonymous Narrator • Season 1 • Episode 17

0:00 | 22:02

I've been discovering some surprises during genealogy research, including the Picts of Scotland, a mysterious group of people in the early Middle Ages.

Songs I recommend with today’s episode can be found on the Spotify playlist I made to accompany this podcast. For each episode I’ve done or will do, I’ve pulled together a few songs. The ones for this episode are:

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright
Scottish Winds by Frightened Rabbit
Blue by A Perfect Circle

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Sloane

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picts

http://www.musicalpassage.org/#explore

https://www.scotsman.com/heritage-and-retro/heritage/the-picts-of-scotland-explained-3965400

https://clankerr.co.uk/the-fortress-in-the-forest-2/dand%20kerr%201480-1545-2.html

https://allthatsinteresting.com/picts

https://www.scotsman.com/whats-on/arts-and-entertainment/why-did-the-picts-mysteriously-disappear-1470059

https://theconversation.com/dna-study-sheds-light-on-scotlands-picts-and-resolves-some-myths-about-them-204507

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pictish_stone

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pictish_Beast

Sound mixing performed by Brother Jay from The Rule of Scary podcast - check that out if you’re a horror movie fan! And hey! Thank you for listening to my stories. Keep it weird out there.

To find song recommendations for this podcast, check out the Spotify Professional Weird playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5jIkaamOZlCwtd2peUk9lF?si=0238d524a374492d

Email me at professionalweirdopodcast@gmail.com

Episode 17 - Deep Roots

In Episode 3 - called 23 and Who?, I told you what I learned after sending in my DNA sample. It showed ancestry in Ireland and England. And, some Neanderthal DNA in the family. Recently, I’ve been looking into genealogy through other research methods and found some interesting surprises in my family line. On the website I’ve been using, I could click on an arrow above someone on the family tree to open the generation above them. I had been looking into a a couple of lines in particular, and documentation would usually run into a dead end around the 1600’s. But in showing this to some family members, I randomly picked a different line of the family - my grandma’s dad’s side - and the generations just kept opening. Beyond the 1600’s. Further back. Further. At some points, the wives of the men would be unknown (that change in last name made the records complicated), so I just kept opening the generations through the men’s side. On and on. Amazingly, the generations went all the way back to 742 BC. That’s wild, right? That seems impossible. How could there be a record of that many generations? Who was recording this? Why are these people being documented? During my quick clicking, just focused in the moment on how far back is this going to go, I noticed the wives names were appearing again. Finally, after hitting the end, I took some time to work back down the tree, looking closer at the names and locations. For hundreds of years they were in Scotland. I didn’t know I had Scottish ancestry. And then one of the women caught my attention. She was listed as the Queen of the Picts Otadech, located in Midlothian, Scotland. Born about 323. Queen of the Picts (spelled PICTS)? Actually, the generations before her mentioned that as well. Bredei (breedee) of the Picts, born in 193, Caranrod of the Picts, born in 76. Guidad (gwee-dahd) of Picts, 703 BC. And last on the list? Albanactus, (al-bin-ACT-us) born 742 BC. I did a quick search on the Picts, and after about 60 seconds of scanning the information I knew this was a rabbit hole I had to jump down. And then…. Share it with all of you.

This is Episode 17 - Deep Roots

Since the covid quarantine I’ve followed an account on social media where a Scottish poet tells us about the “Scots word of the day.” Her name is Len Pennie and I always felt a bit like an imposter, thinking my ancestry didn’t come from Scotland. But now that I know there are roots in my tree that are planted in Scotland, I’m enjoying it a bit more. And I’ll share one of these Scots Word of the Day with you for our rating scale today. It’s Habbler - which is someone who delights in squabbles. You might say they also enjoy a brabblement, which is a noisy altercation. I myself don’t enjoy squabbles. I find them to be a struggle. Or as the Scots would say, a chuggle. There’s 3 fun words for you, and I give that 5 out of 5 habblers

Before I tell you about the Picts, I have one other stop to make on the family tree, 10 generations back from me in that same line. He caught my attention, because in this software, you can add a photo of the person on their card on the family tree. As you might guess, you go back a few generations and there are no photos existing for people, so you’ll find the generic avatar as a placeholder, or maybe a photo of the person’s gravestone. But scrolling back, suddenly there was a portrait. Who’s this guy? He was Hans Sloane, born in 1660 in a northern province of Ireland. He was the youngest of 7 children, with his father dying when he was six. Despite that hardship, the family was taken in by another family and Hans received much of his education in the Killyleagh (kill-il-lee) Castle library. One of his brothers became an elected Member of Parliament, and another was a barrister. But back to Hans - even as a young boy, his started collecting natural history objects and curiosities. This led him into an education related to botany, medicine, and surgery. He studied in London, and traveled through France, collecting plants along the way. (We have a few people in the family still doing this, including myself). Later, he traveled to the Caribbean as part of the Royal Society, filling the role of personal physician to the new Governor of Jamaica. And, well, probably not a great outcome for a physician, the Governor died the next year. Apparently the Governor was a notorious alcoholic. With apparently free time on his hands, Hans visited a lot of the islands and built a collection of 1000 specimens. He extracted quinine from Peruvian bark, which was used to treat eye issues. During his time there, he also documented experiencing earthquakes, and worked with a musician to document the score and words of two local festival songs. This is said to be the earliest transcription of African music in the Caribbean and I found a website where you can hear it performed. The instruments used were not noted, but elsewhere in his writings Hans had drawings of instruments, one of them being what was later known as the banjo.

Now…. This is history. And he’s a white guy, rolling with colonizers, so you know where this is going. He married an heiress of sugar plantations in Jamaica, which was dependent on slaves. Part of what he recorded while in the Caribbean was how slaves were being punished. It is horrific. But if anyone ever needs reminded how awful slavery was, there’s recorded evidence in Han’s writings. And yet, he still married into the business and continued to supplement his living by owning plantations. He soon returned to London to open his practice as a physician, where he served Queen Anne, George 1, and George II. While that sounds like an illustrious career, he had some critics who felt that he was more interested in gathering knick-knacks for his collection, and making social connections, over breaking ground in the medical field. His critics included Sir Isaac Newton, who called him “a villain and rascal.” One person called him the “foremost toyman of his time.” However, others have since pointed out he was making important connections across medicine, science, politics, and high society. He promoted inoculations, specifically as a method to prevent small pox, and it was known that he had his family inoculated and encouraged the royal family to do the same. He leaned on the network he had built in France to share knowledge between French and British scientists. He helped at Christ’s Hospital from 1694 to 1730 and donated his salary back to them. The Chelsea Physic Garden was created from his manor, and upon his death he bequeathed 71,000 items he had collected during his life, with the stipulation that the collections would be able to be seen by anyone who was interested - not just the upper classes. The curators of his estate felt differently and restricted access, but overtime his collection provided the foundation for the Natural History Museum in London, as well as the British Museum and the British Library. Hans Sloane has streets, a school, and a garden named after him. But also, a plant, a species of moth, a species of lizard, and a species of deep sea fish. But listen, none of what I’ve shared so far about Hans explains what caused me to gasp and then send a text to my family, and then proceed to brag to 3 different people over the next week. No, the breaking news on his wikipedia page is that Sir Hans Sloane is noted as being the inventor of… chocolate milk. It’s said he tried a drink that was common in Jamaica made from mixing cacao and water. And he thought it was disgusting and would be better mixed with milk. And to be honest, there are accounts of drinks made by mixing spice, eggs, sugar, milk, and chocolate that predate Hans. And I’m guessing there were plenty of people native to the region who must have thought milk and cacao would go great together, because come on! Duh. Of course. But Hans was probably the person to write it down. So later, in the 1750’s, a Soho grocer was selling a medicinal elixir called “Sir Hans Sloane’s Milk Chocolate.” And later, Cadbury sold a chocolate drink mix with cards that referenced Sloane. Thanks, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandpa Sloane - chocolate milk is delicious. And Museums are great. And it’s nice to not have to worry about small pox. Would have loved it if you’d opted out of supporting slavery. But also, thanks for documenting the music. It’s pretty cool to pull up a website and actually see the sheet music and hear these African-based songs that might have otherwise been lost to time. 4 out of 5 habblers.

Back to the Picts. They were a mysterious group in northern Scotland in the early Middle Ages, an ancient tribe that spanned from about 300 AD to 900 AD. They’re mysterious because most of their history was recorded by the Romans - one of their biggest enemies. The Romans were controlling a lot of Britain at the time and were pushing into the area that is now Scotland. But - the Picts weren’t having it. The Romans described them as barbaric, savage, fierce warriors. The Picts proved to be a menace to the expanding Roman Empire on land, but also on water. The Picts were seafarers, running the coast to create alliances within tribes to resist the invaders. Some operated as pirates, raiding Roman communities along the coast of the British Isles.

But it was how they showed up for battle that really gave them their name. Literally. The name “the Picts” comes from the Latin term “Picti” which means “the painted ones.” The first note about them was in 287 AD in Roman texts. The Picts were known to go into battle naked. Which, gotta give it to them, is a bold move. Pretty vulnerable. But also, that’s just gotta take the wind out of the opposition. And their bodies were covered in tattoos, but also blue dye from Woad or Isatis (ice-ah-tis) tinctorial leaves. Julius Caesar even noted their dyed bodies gave them a wild look in battle. But there were practical reasons beyond aesthetics. The dye had antiseptic properties, so any wounds received in battle were happening on skin already coated in basically Neosporin. And their painted bodies made it easy to distinguish between friend or foe on the battle field. 5 out of 5 habblers.

And they weren’t one large group, sharing common cultural attributes, but rather a large cluster of separate tribes. Likely they all identified with their unique group, but working together they became unified in the eyes of the Romans. During the Middle Ages, mentions of them were gone. Although it wasn’t the Romans that finally got them. From within Scotland, a Gaelic kingdom developed, with a big start under King Kenneth 1’s rule, and it’s believed that as this kingdom developed, the different tribes that made up the Picts were brought into the fold or killed out. A massive step in this take over was in 839 when Vikings attacked the Pictish kingdom of Fortriu (four-tree-you) and killed King Eoganan (Owen) Mac Oengusa (Own-goose-ah), his brother Bran, and another Pictish King - Dalriada (dal-ree-odd-ah) all dead. In the gap created by this, the Gaelic King Kenneth 1 stepped in, making Fortriu (four-tree-you) his home. After he died, his brother took over as king. After him, his son Constantine 1 ruled, and has been recorded as both the king of the Picts and the Kind of Scots. When he was later captured and beheaded, it was marked as the death of the last Pict king. And with that, the notorious blue warriors faded into history. 3 out of 5 habblers.

How do we know so much about a group of people who have no surviving written history, weren’t a unified group, and were wiped out or absorbed? Science, baby!!!! And in a few ways. In one case, the remains of a Pictish man believed to have died around 600 AD were found under stones in a cave. It’s believed he died from blows to the head. A facial reconstruction was done by the University of Dundee to show what this Pictish man looked like. Also using SCIENCE!, a 2013 genetics study determined that around 10% of Scottish men have a genetic marker that indicates they may be Pict descendants. 3% of Irish men have this marker, and 1% of English men have this marker. In 2023 a team of archaeologists and biological anthropologists also did an extensive genetic study that started with skeletons in two very old cemeteries. One of these features stone monuments, forming markers and stone-built boxes around the dead. If large stones marking Scottish graves sounds familiar, it’s because in episode 11 when I covered cemeteries, I shared a story about people moving stones in a cemetery in the Scottish highlands, to their own determent. But in this case, the scientists performing the genetic study seemed to be okay after disturbing the graves. What they learned was the genomes in these skeletons showed the Picts came from Iron Age groups in Britain and Ireland. The genome mapping also allowed them to trace backward and forward from the Pictish people. Science is cool! 4 out of 5 habblers.

Scotland’s main language may be English, but there are native languages that come from early people who lived there - Scots and Scottish Gaelic. But we don’t know what language the Picts spoke. The closest we can get to their language is that place names that still exist today have common sounds that originate from the Picts. Aside from language, there does exist long-lasting marks from Pictish hands. Spread across Scotland are Pictish stones, with symbols carved into them. With about 350 objects surviving, these stones are the most apparent evidence of the people called the Picts. They feature symbols and animals, like a wolf, or stag, or eagle… and something called the Pictish Beast. A cryptid!!!! Maybe. This beast accounts for about 40% of all Pictish animal carvings - this was important to them. Some interpretations believe it to be a dolphin - which are seen along the coast, so that’s possible. Others think the beast is a swimming elephant. Others think it’s a mythical creature, like a kelpie (which is a Scottish shapeshifting being, sometimes called a water horse). But others guess it’s… a dragon. And now I’m thinking about the Loch Ness Monster, - found in the Scottish highlands! 5 out of 5 habblers.

And with that, my stories about the Picts are complete. I recommend you follow Len Pennie on social, or buy one of her poetry books. And I recommend you do a little searching in your own genealogy - you get enough generations out there and you are bound to be related to someone interesting. Mr. Rogers is my 11th cousin, twice removed. Which, once you see that on a family tree, that’s not really close. Probably three quarters of my podcast listeners are related to Mr. Rogers in some way. But it’s fun to think about. And my last recommendation - a large cold glass of chocolate milk!

As always, thank you for listening to my weird stories. For fun between episodes, follow me on Instagram, under professionalweirdopodcast. If you are enjoying the podcast and would like to support it, please make sure you hit that follow button. And a recommendation to others is always appreciated. You can also email me at professionalweirdopodcast@gmail.com - I have ideas for about 150 future episodes, but I’m always open to new ideas!

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright

Scottish Winds by Frightened Rabbit

And Blue by A Perfect Circle

I’ll list these, along with the link to the playlist, in the show notes.

I almost forgot! My quick message for the robots - You don’t have my permission to use any of this content to store, or train, or develop machine learning or AI tools. To do that, you’d need my prior written permission, which is likely to just be a surly letter telling you no anyway. Creativity is the domain of us emotional meatbags.